The Gods Must Be Laughing
by StarvingLunatic
Summary: AU. The sequel to On a Short Leash. Shego and Kim continue their odd relationship. Still a weird sort of Kigo. Cover by YogurthFrost at deviantart.
1. Gag One: The madness of Shego

I don't own these characters. I also don't own this premise. Disney gets the characters and the premise goes to Yayoi Ogawa.

A/N: here you guys go, the sequel to the sequel. I suggest that you read On a Short Leash if you don't know what I'm yakking about. Before that, you might want to read Walking the Line. If you've read those already, you're safe.

Next thing, for those of you that are familiar with my writing, you will know that I usually update pretty quickly. Unfortunately, it won't be like that with this story. I should get to update weekly instead of every other day like before. I need to do some school work because failing is just not cool. So, I got three papers to get to, but I'll try my best not to neglect you guys. I hope once a week is good for you.

Also, I hope you guys don't get sick of this story and stuff because once again I don't know where the story is going (isn't that how I always start out?), but I do plan to make it long. Well, that's all I have to say. Have fun reading this, please!

The Gods Must Be Laughing

Gag One: The madness of Shego

Shego frowned; she was being irked. She was at home and sitting on the couch. She just wanted to watch television; that was all. She did not think that she was asking for much, especially since it was her home. So, she thought that her desire was not a big one, but her pet was making it virtually impossible. It went beyond the fact that Kim was up and moving about the living room when she should have been lying on the sofa with her head resting in Shego's lap.

The main issue was that Kim was up and vacuuming the living room. It was driving the green-skinned apartment owner completely crazy. If she wanted to be bothered, she would have stayed with Drakken, she thought with a huff. What was going on at the moment was so irksome that it was on the same level as spending time with that blue nutcase.

"Pumpkin," Shego said through clenched teeth. She was trying to keep her cool, but she was still bothered.

"Yes?" Kim replied with a bright smile. It was such a happy expression, but it did not affect her very irked mistress.

"Could you stop now?" the older female requested/ordered. It was more of an order than a request of course since she was the one in charge of everything. She just did not feel like barking at her pet since the girl did not seem to know that she was being irksome.

"Stop? But, it's such a mess," Kim pointed out. The living room could use a good vacuuming and she was getting it done. She did not see why she should stop when it still needed to be done.

"I'll get it later," Shego stated.

"But, I can get it now."

"But, it wouldn't be getting on my nerves if I get it later," the pale woman riposted in her usual tone. She did not want to come across as angry because she was not heated in any way. She was just upset with not being able to do what she wanted to do.

Kim pouted. "Oh," she muttered in a very disappointed voice. She was disappointed in herself because she was not looking to be annoying and yet she was doing just that. She was only attempting to help out, which she thought was a good thing, but it seemed like Shego did not see things that way.

"Come on," Shego said, patting a space on the sofa for the younger woman to join her. She just wanted the redhead to stop acting like a maid, an irksome maid at that.

"But…" Kim hesitated.

"Come on."

The olive-eyed adventurer sighed and turned the vacuum off, much to Shego's delight. She eased down onto the couch and sat next to her mistress. The pale woman glanced over at Kim, but she did not say anything. Her brat was starting to get on her nerves just by breathing, which she knew was a bad thing.

The problem was that Kim was acting much less like a pet lately and more like a roommate or maybe even worse, a girlfriend; it was worse in Shego's opinion anyway. The redhead was wandering around the house with a purpose nowadays, cleaning up after herself, making her own meals a couple of times, and even grooming herself. Shego felt that in a little while, the younger woman might even start attempting to pay some of the bills around the apartment, even though it was a mystery how Kim got her hands on money unless her master gave it to her. Everything that the college student was doing seemed to be getting on the apartment owner's nerves.

"We've seen this like a billion times," Kim pointed out. She made sure to not sound like she was whining. She was trying to make an excuse to where she could get up and do something around the house.

"So? I want to see it again," Shego countered and she believed that should have ended the argument right then and there.

"Why?"

"Because," the older woman growled.

Kim just was not being herself as far as Shego was concerned. She was asking stupid questions, not to be bothersome or playful like she used to, but in order to seriously question why the elder female was doing something. It was not any of Kim's business why she did anything, in Shego's opinion anyway. She was the mistress of the house and Kim was merely a pet.

The redhead was trying to pull her weight around the house lately. She thought that it was the least that she could do and she thought that it might help Shego see her as an equal. She believed that if the older woman saw her as an equal, saw her as a human being now after having her as a pet for so long that maybe they could be something similar to a couple. She believed that was what she really wanted, to be a couple with Shego; it had to be what she really wanted, Kim convinced herself.

The pale officer did not know what was up with her pet lately. She thought that the younger woman might just be going out of her mind; she did not see any other reason for the redhead's behavior to have changed so abruptly. She could not guess why her little monster was acting so different, but she did note that it happened shortly after a very explosive kiss that they shared a little over a week ago.

Shego did not see why the kiss, and following kisses as there had been a few of those, had changed her pet. After all, she was still pretty much the same and she had the same kisses. She had not flipped out from a few electric kisses, so why had her pet flipped? She did not know why, but it was really, really bothering her.

Technically, Shego was used to her redheaded rascal being annoying; it was one of the main reasons why all of her nicknames for her pet had negative connotations. But, she was usually playfully annoying. It was cute, adorable, and just all around loveable. Right now, she was not as endearing as she typically was. She was just exasperating and irritating. Shego hoped that her pet stopped acting like that soon or she was going to have to hurt her little pest's feelings.

"What do you want for dinner?" the apartment owner asked, ultimately just attempting to get her mind off of everything and make her little imp act like she used to.

"Hey, I could cook," Kim volunteered with some vigor. She had tried that a few times in the past week, which was another thing that was working her master's nerves.

"And I could fly to the moon, but it's not very likely," Shego remarked.

"But, I could," the younger woman insisted. She could cook fairly well even if it was not pasta; okay, she could cook to where they would survive the meal at least if she was not making pasta.

"Yeah, you could, but you're not. Now, what do you want for dinner?" the emerald-eyed female inquired again.

"Ravioli."

"More pasta. I didn't see that one coming," Shego commented sarcastically. She could not believe how much her pet just loved anything with noodles. She almost wished that she could understand the appeal.

"I could make it," Kim offered.

"I could throw you out of the window. Sounds like a good idea, huh?" Shego asked with a teasing smirk.

"No," the olive-eyed female pouted.

"Well, now you know how I feel."

Kim continued to pout; the older woman was such a sour grape. She was only attempting to be helpful, like anybody else would. She did not want to be in the way like she generally believed that she was. She just wanted to be a good housemate. She got up from the sofa, figuring that she could go clean something since she was not going to be allowed to make dinner. She did not make it far; in fact, she only managed to stand up.

"Where the hell do you think you're going?" Shego inquired.

The green-skinned woman hated having to keep a serious eye on Kim now, hoping to keep the petite hero from doing something even more irksome than the last thing that she did; she was not doing a good job in her own opinion. At least when her girl was just a lazy pet, if she went somewhere in the house, all Shego had to hope for was that the redhead did not set anything on fire or make too much noise; so far, so good on both fronts. Now, she had to worry about her imp trying to clean the bathroom, or clearing the counter, or mopping the kitchen floor. She did not even want to know what might happen if she stopped watching the girl.

"I think there're dishes in the sink that I could do," Kim replied.

"Sit your narrow ass down," Shego commanded. The older female just could not believe it, but she wished that her pet had given her one of her patented silly and honest answers, like she was going to steal cookies, or eat some cake, or drink some chocolate milk. Just about anything that did not involve her attempting to do more housework would have been fine by Shego.

"But, why?" Kim whined. It seemed that no matter how hard she attempted to get out of her pet mindset, she still acted somewhat like a spoiled brat around Shego for some reason that she could not pinpoint. Some habits were hard to break, she guessed, but she felt that she needed to break it. Whining just could not be attractive, her mind pointed out.

"Just sit still and relax, damn it," the raven-haired woman huffed.

The college student sighed and did as she was ordered to do. She did not see why they were watching a movie that they had seen already about a trillion times; it seemed like a trillion to her anyway. It was not even a particularly good movie. It was mediocre at best and she felt like she could be doing something better with her time rather bearing through the movie again.

Shego decided that she was not even going to risk her pet doing something else, lest she crack and just end up seriously slapping the kid. She put her arm around Kim and forced the redhead to lay her head in her lap. Kim did so almost automatically because it was her habit. When she realized what she had done, she tried to sit back up because she did not want to come off as the pet after believing that she was close to getting her chance to be more than that. But, Shego was not allowing her to get back up now that she was right where Shego wanted her to be.

The pale woman noticed that her little monster was trying to sit back up, but she was not going to let that happen. She just wanted her brat to lay there and be still for a minute or so. If Kim did not move, then she would not feel so tense, Shego reasoned. She just did not want to be tense on her day off. So, in her mind, her elfish pest just needed to stop moving.

Shego started caressing the slender hero's red mane as she usually did when Kim was lying in her lap. The redhead finally calmed down, which made Shego immensely happy, even though it did not show on her face. The younger female's breathing slowed down and it was clear what was going to happen.

Kim's arm fell to the side and the limb dangled off of the sofa as she began to fall asleep. Yes, good lazy monster, Shego commented mentally when she saw the desired effect taking place. She was thankful that Kim was finally knocked out; the kid was just trying to do too much in her owner's opinion. To make matters worse, she was trying to do too much while in the house when she was only supposed to lie around.

------(New Day)

"This kid is driving me out of my fucking mind," Shego commented, speaking to Betty.

The friends were out, having lunch. The meal was Betty's treat for the simple fact that she was glad that Shego had made a very good decision about two weeks ago when she ceased to be engaged, especially to that maniacal blue inventor. The pair was at the usual café that they went to, which was located close to their headquarters.

"What's she doing now?" Doctor Director inquired. She doubted that she would ever be able to reconcile the notion that Kim was a world hero and Shego's nutty pet at the same time. She just thought of Kim as a dumb kid, despite knowing that she was actually a competent and capable genius in several areas. It just did not seem right to her.

"Stuff," Shego vaguely answered.

"Stuff?" the one-eyed woman asked. She was slightly scared to find out because Shego and her pet were such an odd pair.

"Yes, stuff," the pale officer answered.

"What kind of stuff?" Betty inquired. She was now wondering if Kim had done something stupid or if her friend was just blowing things out of proportion. It could go either way with them as far as the chief was concerned.

"Vacuuming, cooking, cleaning. She actually tried to do laundry again, swearing that she would get the hang of it if I let her do it a few more times," the pale woman explained in an irked tone. It was all getting on her last nerve!

"Isn't that good? Or do you just not want to go through the bother of her screwing up?" the brown-haired female asked. She would not want to go through the trouble of Kim messing things up, but she did think that the girl was scatterbrained at best.

"I don't want her doing things."

"Why not?" Betty just did not understand why her friend would want a bum in her house continuing to be a bum. She thought that her comrade should have put the kid to work to make up for the warmth, food, and shelter that her friend continuously provided.

"It's just weird," the raven-haired woman pointed out.

Shego was used to doing everything and she liked it that way. She just wanted Kim to go back to being the person that lounged on her couch, that whined for more cupcakes, and that asked if they were going to the park sometime soon. In other words, she preferred the redhead to be her pet more than anything else, but even that idea was strange because of the fact that she enjoyed sharing rather passionate kisses with the little pest. It was all so confusing and her monster was not making it any better.

"Why is it weird? Let her do something. She might be trying to become more responsible or something. Kids do grow up, after all," Betty pointed out.

Shego looked away from her friend, showing that she was not very satisfied with that answer. Kim was an adult when she was outside of the house and away from her master and Shego knew that quite well; she had even experienced it once, which had bothered her back then. She did not care how Kim acted when she was not around, but when she was there, she realized that she wanted Kim to be the laidback munchkin that she often was around the pale woman.

"She's a pet. She shouldn't be doing shit like that. She's a damn pet," Shego said to her friend, which Betty expected because things always came down to that when they spoke about Kim.

"Well, maybe she doesn't want to be a pet anymore," Betty commented as if that was nothing. She had not thought before she spoke, but once it was out there, she decided that she did not care. She only offered up her opinion, as always.

Shego had not considered that her pet just did not want to be a pet anymore. She did not see why Kim would not want to be her pet anymore; she had told Shego that she was content to live that way as long as she got to stay with her mistress. Shego did not see any reason to get rid of the brat, so she figured that the redhead should be all right with everything to just go back to acting like she always did. Obviously, that was not what was going on.

"Do you really think she doesn't want to be a pet anymore?" the raven-haired female inquired in a low tone. It was like she scared to know the answer, which she actually was because she enjoyed having her pet around.

"It's possible. I don't see why she agreed to be a pet in the first damn place, but now that she's there, I'd think that the little idiot would try to live it up. After all, you do everything for the little punk and who'd want to give that up anyway?" Betty countered.

"Well, it's not like she really needs me," Shego muttered.

"That's just bullshit," the one-eyed woman stated. No two people on the planet deserved each other more than Shego and Kim as far as she was concerned.

"Is it?" Shego asked with a craned eyebrow.

"What would that little brat do without you?" Betty countered. She really wanted to ask what the two would do without each other. Sure, it was possible that they would live on, but they would not be very happy.

"Bet, you do have to remember that she's not as dumb as she seems. Maybe she has gotten bored with this whole thing," Shego pondered aloud.

Betty scoffed. She did remind herself that Kim was not the empty-headed creature that she believed her to be, but she still doubted that the girl could be happy if she was not with Shego. She had to be pleased with her lot in life if she remained Shego's pet and Shego had to be happy just because she kept the girl there as a pet, taking care of her like a pet. They had to offer each other something very special.

Shego was not very sure what her pet did before she became her pet. She was aware that Kim had been a vagabond to a certain extent; she had been a little more than a tramp. So, part of her did wonder if her pet would miss such a life. It was a carefree kind of life without rules and she knew that her pet hated the rules; it explained why she did not obey a lot of them. What if her little monster was tired of being hers and wanted to go back to being a vagrant?

"Maybe she is bored with being a pet. It has been a while now. I take it you're not bored with having her around," Betty commented. She was stunned that her friend had not gotten sick of taking care of the brat yet, but many things about Shego surprised her when it came to that kid, which was why she knew they deserved each other.

"Are you bored with having Leonardo around?" Shego countered. She felt that her friend should have known that feelings and pets were off-limits when it came to conversations.

"We're done talking about pets if you're going to be this way," Betty huffed. Pets and feelings for those pets were definitely a taboo subject with the friends.

"Oh, you're so sensitive when it comes to that damn dog," Shego teased.

"Like you're not sensitive about your damn brat. I mean, I do have the fucking bruises because a certain someone was touchy about her little badass kitten running away," Betty retorted.

"Stop living in the past," the pale woman riposted.

"Yak, yak, yak. If she's getting on your nerves, talk to her. Unlike most pet owners, you can actually talk to your pet before you slap her with rolled up newspaper," the one-eyed woman pointed out.

Shego nodded because her friend had a good point. Besides, she had been tempted to just whack Kim with her morning newspaper while hollering "bad, Princess." Talking seemed like a much more civil solution to the problem, even though it would not be too bad if she smacked Kim with the paper a couple of times. It would make her feel a lot better; she was willing to bet on that.

-----------------------------------

Shego entered the apartment and was not greeted with her usual hug. She had not gotten her hug in over a fortnight and she could not believe that she actually missed the irksome embrace. It let her know that she was home and she could finally begin to unwind from whatever the day might have thrown her way. Instead, no hug meant that home was going to be as annoying as the outside world.

"Pumpkin," Shego called.

"Yes?" Kim replied from the kitchen.

"What are you doing?" the pale woman demanded to know. She would beat her little pest senseless if she was making dinner yet again.

"Um…nothing," the redhead answered because of the tone that her master had used.

"Come here," Shego commanded. Ah, she was so sick of her damn pet.

The slim hero trotted out of the kitchen to the living room, meeting Shego there. The apartment owner sat down on the couch and the younger female followed suit. Shego sighed while Kim looked down at her feet; the redhead was not sure what the problem was, but she knew that there was some kind of problem from the way that her mistress sounded. Shego was not sure how to get the conversation started, but she knew that she had to do something before she lost her mind because of Kim.

"Princess, why have you been acting so weird lately?" Shego inquired in a civil, but tired tone.

"Weird?" Kim echoed.

"Yeah, not like you usually act. I mean, you're doing all kinds of new crap," Shego pointed out.

"Oh…well, I thought I should do stuff."

"Why? Haven't we always agreed that you're just a pet, so you don't have to do stuff?" the older female reasoned.

Kim pouted a bit; so, after all of that, Shego still saw her as just a pet. She probably never would be an equal, so she probably never would be in a couple with Shego. Well, at least she would always get to be with Shego. Maybe, every now and then she would get a proper kiss or something, Kim thought to comfort herself.

It was not such a sorry existence that she had, Kim believed. She liked being with Shego, just like she always said. It was just that she thought that she had a chance to be an equal with the woman and they could be a proper couple.

"You don't want to be a pet anymore, do you?" Shego asked in a mumble.

"Well…" Kim said.

"I thought you were happy being my pet," the elder woman stated.

"I am…" the redhead answered in a mutter.

"But?"

"I didn't say but," Kim pointed out.

"No, you didn't, but you were going to. Princess, what do you want? Do you still want to be my pet?" Shego asked. Depending on the answer, she might consider that she would have to suggest that Kim just move on with her life. Yes, she loved having Kim around, but she just could not take the redhead acting the way that she did. She could not take not being the one in charge in her own house. She was the owner and if Kim did not understand that, then she was going to have to go.

Kim thought on the question. She was not accustomed to such a question, especially from her master. She knew that she had to be careful of the answer. She was starting to feel the pressure and she knew that was not a good thing. It took a lot for her to feel pressure, but she was feeling it now and she did not work well under pressure. In fact, as far as she knew, she ran when the pressure was on.

-----------------------------------

Next time: Kim's response.


	2. Gag Two: To pet or not to pet

I don't own these characters and I don't own this premise. Disney owns one and Yayoi Ogawa owns the other; I'll leave you to figure out who owns which.

I forgot to mention that each chapter should begin with a thought from either Kim or Shego like the last story and I'll leave you to figure out who is doing the thinking. I know the first chapter didn't have one; I forgot it. Use your imagination for that one.

Gag Two: To pet or not to pet

_Why the hell am I thinking so hard on something that should be so easy to answer? I hate pressure so much! I wonder how other people handle it, not that anyone else would have this problem. I mean, how many other people are pets?_

Shego waited for the answer to her question; she waited to know if her pet still wished to remain her pet. She was not going to keep the redhead around anymore if Kim was not going to be her pet, even if it meant that she was going to be alone again. She knew that she would miss the little critter, but sometimes it was best to let go.

The emerald-eyed woman just could not take the annoyance from the energetic brat, especially since her little monster seemed to be attempting to take over her home. Things just were not working out with the way that they had been going lately and she truly could not stand it. So, if the petite hero was going to continue on with what seemed like a coup d'état, then she was going to have to go. Yes, it was unfortunate, but it would be necessary.

Kim rubbed her head in frustration. She did not really know the answer to the question behind if she wanted to remain Shego's pet. It was not that she disliked being with Shego now or something like that; it was nothing of the sort. She just did not know the answer to the question and she was feeling the pressure to know or she was aware that she would be out of a home and away from one person that she wanted to be with for all eternity.

The slender college student knew that it was not that she did not desire to be a pet; it was that she wanted to be an equal. She wanted to have a real relationship with Shego now that she had the chance since Shego's breakup with Drakken and him being who-knew-how-many-miles away. It seemed to her that the chance was right in front of her and she believed that she would be the very definition of an idiot if she did not go for it.

"Should I step out and come back tomorrow for the answer to what should be a simple question?" Shego remarked. It was a "yes" or "no" question after all. It was very straightforward as far as she was concerned.

"It's not so simple," Kim argued. It was way beyond an easy answer because of the fact that it was not like she wished to be separated from Shego, but she just wanted to be more to the pale woman than a pet.

"Tell me what you want," the older woman requested/ordered. It was really a request, but since she was the one in charge (in theory anyway), then it was also a command.

"What do you want?" the redhead countered. She would like to have the opportunity to play confused for a moment; after all, Shego had been that way for most of their time together. So, she thought that it would be fair for her to get a second or two to be bewildered.

"This is about you for once, Princess. I mean, you have been going on about being my pet until whenever, but lately you've been acting like you don't want to be that anymore. You've been acting almost normal. Are you done with this?" Shego asked in an even tone; she almost sounded neutral, like she did not have anything at stake with the answer.

The petite hero rubbed her head again. "I want to stay with you. I want to be with you forever," she informed the elder female.

"I know."

"I want you to see me a potential partner," Kim muttered, as if she did not really want Shego to hear such words. She was not too sure how the raven-haired woman would react to such a statement.

"And you think that doing all the housework increases that potential?" the pale woman inquired with a craned ebony eyebrow. Her voice and expression showed that she could not believe that logic.

"Well, I didn't think it could hurt," the olive-eyed adventurer replied.

"You were wrong."

Kim wanted to say that she knew that now, but she did not voice that opinion. "It's getting on your nerves, isn't it?" she asked the obvious. If it was not bothering the apartment owner, then they would not be having their current conversation, she figured.

"Yeah," Shego affirmed bluntly.

Kim's face dropped a bit. She had had a feeling that she had been getting on Shego's nerves long before it was confirmed. She just did not know what else to do in order to achieve her goal. She thought that if she pulled her weight around the house and showed that she was not as useless as she appeared, then it might make the moss-colored woman happy. Apparently, it was a miscalculation on her part.

"You want me to stay a pet, don't you?" the slender hero asked.

"This is about what you want. Think about it before you answer since you seem so concerned," Shego suggested.

"You think it's a bad idea?" Kim inquired.

"Just think about it."

The redhead sighed and she started to think about not being a pet anymore, but a potential partner, an equal. It seemed like a good notion on the surface. She would be able to show Shego everything that she could offer, like cooking and cleaning and other household chores. She could be a damn good girlfriend if given the chance, but as she thought about it, those things had not impressed Shego in the slightest. None of those things seemed to matter to the older woman; in fact, everything that she had been attempting to show off only seemed to get on Shego's nerves.

But, as she continued to think about it, she always got on the pale woman's nerves. What she had been doing lately was different from when she usually did it, though. She was allowed to get on Shego's nerves for the most part; it was almost as if that was an endearing quality of hers when it came to the raven-haired woman, Kim noted. There was something about her being shiftless, whiny, and almost inert in Shego's presence that the older woman seemed to enjoy.

When she stopped and thought about it, she had a big responsibility as a pet that she seemed to allow to get lost in her fascination with trying to become the officer's girlfriend. She was there, first and foremost, to keep Shego relaxed and make sure that the older woman did not allow life to drive her insane. Her behavior as a pet was the thing that helped Shego to relax and she seemed to like having someone to take care of; hell, Kim even somewhat admitted to herself that she needed someone to take care of her. She did like being able to keep Shego calm and bring her some joy.

She actually supposed that her job as a pet was rather close to being a partner without the physical intimacy. Hey, she even got a little bit of physical affection. Shego did kiss her rather deeply every now and then. She did not want to settle for that, though, but she did admit that she had a job to do.

"I'd like to stay you pet, but…" Kim decided.

"But?" Shego asked.

"I want something deeper too," the redhead added. She desired Shego, plain and simple. No one else would ever do, plain and simple. So, she wanted something more than being the lazy pet that only got kisses when her mistress felt like giving them out. She might even need something more than that; she was human, after all, and humans seem to need intimacy on many different levels.

"Princess, when I'm involved, don't you think you've gotten deeper than most?" Shego remarked. She thought that if her pet ever did leave her, she was going to have to figure out a way to wipe the girl's memory or just kill her because she had a lot of incriminating information.

Kim smiled a bit because she was fairly certain that she had gotten closer to Shego than any other being on the planet. After all, she had even seen Shego cry, over a sappy movie at that. She was willing to bet that she was the only person on the planet allowed to cuddle Shego in her sleep; she was very right on that matter. She was also the only person that Shego had ever cuddled. But, she did not have the other privileges that she wanted and that was why she was trying to get out of being seen a pet.

"I know…Well, I know we're close and everything. I don't even think about that, but…" the redhead trailed off again.

"What's wrong, Pumpkin? What do you want?" Shego asked.

The pale woman would actually give the olive-eyed college student anything that she wanted, as long as the young lady stopped acting the way that she was. Shego wanted everything to go back to normal. She wanted to be the one that did almost everything and she wanted her little monster to act like a pet. She was sure that it might seem bizarre to other people, but that was other people. She knew what she wanted and that was all that mattered; well, and what Kim wanted of course, but that seemed like a given.

"Well, I want more," the slim hero answered, even though it seemed a little vague.

"Like?" Shego pressed.

"Like sometimes…maybe you could possibly call me by real name," Kim hoped.

The redhead figured that if Shego used her real name, even a little bit, it might assist in reminding her that Kim was a human being. Sure, she would still be a pet, but she would be a human too. She figured that it would be a good start for being able to get more out of the relationship on her end. She just was not sure if her master would agree to such a term since she was the one that had given Kim the other pet names.

"All right, no problem," the green-hued female answered.

"Really?" the redhead asked in shock. She was surprised that it was so easy; she had no idea how seriously freaked she had Shego.

"Yeah, no problem," the emerald-eyed officer answered. Hell, she might have conceded to addressing Kim as "the queen" if it got her to go back to normal. It was not like she really wanted to throw the younger female out, so she wanted Kim to go back to acting as she used to at almost any cost. She liked having her little monster around.

"And…" Kim hesitated a bit with her next request. She was not sure if it would be proper pet behavior. "Can I kiss you sometimes?" she asked. She figured when she was in a "naughty" mood, she would do it anyway, but she did not want to overstep her boundaries at the few times when she was trying to be a good pet. She would like to be able to kiss Shego to make her feel good, not just to be irksome.

"Don't you do that already?" the green-skinned martial artist inquired.

"You know what I mean, _really_ kiss you," the college student replied.

"Why not give it a shot," Shego suggested.

Kim was surprised by that response and it showed on her face for a long moment. The few kisses that they had shared lately had always been initiated by Shego in some way or another. The younger woman just had not been too sure if Shego would like it if she started a serious kiss; of course, she could offer up little pecks almost any time that the urge overcame her and she often did. A serious kiss was another matter, though. Her master might not have found it cute if she took such liberties and she was not out to truly anger Shego.

The redhead decided to go for it while the offer was on the table; she definitely did not need to be told twice. She leaned over to Shego and gently touched her lips to the older woman's mouth. Things started out sweet as always, but did not take too long to grow heated, as they had been doing recently.

Kim moaned because of the kiss and she wished that she could do more. She wished that she could unleash all of her passion for the pale woman, but she was aware that even a fraction of that would be going too far. She had already tried several times to caress or just touch Shego in a licentious manner, but the emerald-eyed female always halted her when she did such things. The only time that she could get away with fondling Shego was when they were supposed to be sleeping; she often pretended to be asleep and she suspected that she was not putting anything over on her owner.

"Happy now?" Shego asked when the kiss was done.

"Yeah, I think so," Kim answered while licking her lips. She would be so much happier if she could do so much more, but she knew that was pretty much a fantasy for the time being.

"Good to know. Now, are you good?" the pale woman inquired. She was hoping that all of the drama was passed them and they could get things back in order in the house because if she had to deal with Kim trying to clean one more thing, she was going to have to scorch the little pest.

"Yeah." The hero was telling the absolute truth; she was all right for the moment. She knew that other things would take time.

"Really?"

Kim figured that she had missed the point of the question the first time, so she thought on it for a second. She believed that she knew what she missed, but she had to check. "You mean am I still your pet?" she countered.

"Yeah," Shego replied.

"I always be your Princess or Pumpkin," Kim declared with a grin, which her mistress was very happy to see.

Shego actually smiled a little bit because of the answer and the beaming expression that the girl was wearing. She rubbed the top of Kim's head to show that she was glad to have her pet back. The younger woman smiled even wider; yes, it was possible for her to do so without splitting her face open. And then, she attacked her master again, kissing her with vigor. Shego would have laughed because her pet was an eager little thing, which she did not mind in the slightest, but she was too busy to laugh at the moment. It was nice to have someone so willing and wanting to kiss her, not to mention do a good job of it.

"Okay, okay, okay," Shego said while pulling away from Kim. She was starting to believe that if it was up to the redhead, they would both suffocate from kissing.

"What?" Kim asked with a playful pout.

"I do need to make dinner," the officer pointed out.

"Right," the adventurer giggled a bit because she felt rather sheepish for forgetting that little fact.

Shego rose from the couch and Kim flopped down onto the cushions. The redhead supposed that it was best that she remain a pet because her mistress was such an independent soul. She knew that Shego would not like someone doing things around her house, which Kim supposed she should have thought on before she began bugging out and trying to do everything. Some genius, she teased herself.

Kim figured that she should have known that the best way for her and her master to get along would be for her to remain the submissive one; she should allow Shego to continue to take care of her. She would just return the favor by taking care of Shego in the manner that she did. It was not so lowly being a pet, she told herself, especially since it had been the role that had gotten her so close to Shego in the first place. It was best to be a pet.

"Princess!" Shego hollered when she caught sight of the kitchen, which was where Kim had been located before they had their little talk.

"I didn't do it!" the redhead insisted in an exaggerated whine of a voice.

"What the hell did you do in here?" Shego demanded to know, ignoring her pet's weak excuse. It was not like anyone else was in the house to make such a mess and she knew that the kitchen could not have possibly ruined itself.

Kim grimaced slightly; yeah, it certainly was best that she stayed a pet, especially considering what she had done to the kitchen not even twenty minutes ago. No regular human being would be able to get away with that natural disaster in Shego's house. Now, the redhead had attempted to clean the mess up, but it took much more time than she assumed and her mistress had come in before she could make any progress. Well, at least as a pet, she did not have to handle any of that stuff.

"Get in here and help me clean this up!" Shego commanded her impish monster in a very harsh tone.

"But, I didn't do it!" Kim whined while sliding off of the sofa. Yes, she had started the mess, but it was a very horrible chain reaction, so technically she did not make the mess. The mess made itself.

"Get your narrow ass in here now!"

"But—"

"Don't make me come out there!" Shego barked and Kim decided that she should not call her owner's bluff on that one. So, she trotted into the kitchen to help clean up the chaos that she would continue to insist she did not do.

--------------------------------------

Shego sat and pondered the fact that her pet desired to change the nature of their relationship. She supposed that their relationship had transformed a little already; after all, they had been kissing a lot more lately. Hell, they locked lips like two horny teenagers, she thought; although she did consider that Kim was close to being a teenager anyway, so her hormones were probably still raging somewhat. The redhead, being mischievous, often tried to do more than kissing; she sometimes groped or ground her hips into her master. But, maybe she should consider the desire, Shego thought.

She figured that she should take into account that, like she told Kim, the olive-eyed student had gotten very close to her. Kim was closer to her than anyone else that she could think of, even Betty, who she had pretty much grown up with. She had actually never admitted to herself that she loved someone except for Kim. Maybe that meant that Kim's want was relevant and valid. But, she was almost certain that such a thing would be beyond awkward.

After all, Kim was her pet and, more often than not, Shego looked at her as just her pet. She did not look at Kim as human, partner material to be more specific, much of the time. Now, every now and again, she did have mental slips and she quietly noted that some part of the little scamp was physically attractive. She had to explain her adult rated dreams and the desire for her elf's kisses somehow and she figured that she might as well be honest with herself because it was less painful that way. It was much less painful than what she had been doing before, namely attempting to ignore everything and denying that it meant anything. But still, Kim was her pet.

Well, in actuality, she was aware that if she told anyone that Kim was her pet, the first thing that they would assume was that the relationship was sexual and the last thing that they would assume was that Kim was a for-real pet. In fact, she knew that if people saw her interact with Kim, they would consider the pair weird because the relationship was not sexual. Most people would wonder, what was the point in having a young, adorable, nimble, and attractive human being for a pet if that pet was not performing some sort of sexual stunt for the owner. But, did she really want to have a sexual relationship with Kim?

Her mind seemed to sometimes lean toward "yes" when it came to the question of her desiring a sexual relationship with Kim. After all, her mind was the one offering up all sorts of x-rated dreams and noticing that Kim had nice legs or things of that nature. So, it seemed like her mind was telling her to sleep with Kim.

But, at the same time, it seemed like her mind leaned toward "no" for the answer too because she did look at Kim as a pet a great deal of the time and there was really nothing attractive about a pet. Her mind did not even think "human" much of the time when it came to the redhead. How was she supposed to sleep with someone that she did not even think of as human most of the time? It was not even like her mind was saying no because Kim was a girl. Her mind was just not registering Kim as human.

Shego just was not too sure where she stood as far as wanting Kim sexually. It seemed like such a weird concept when she sat down and thought about it, but she considered that it might be worth exploring. It was not like anything else about them was close to normal, so perhaps something that seemed to be so odd in her head would prove to be much better than what she thought.

----------(New Day)

"Hey," Shego greeted Kim as she entered to the house and was finally greeted in return with her annoying hug. She had no idea how much she truly missed the embrace until she felt those slim arms around her; she was home. Kim also sneaked a quick kiss into the greeting, if only to be impish.

"I've been waiting for you," the redhead informed her master with a grin; it seemed like she was overjoyed that her master was finally home. She made it sound like she had been waiting for the older woman for hours.

"I'm only ten minutes late," Shego pointed out.

"But, there was no lap to lie in for ten minutes," the younger female countered.

"You're so hopeless. Get dressed."

"Dressed?" Kim echoed with a bemused expression.

"Yeah, I figured we could go out to dinner for once."

"Out?" Kim asked. Wow, her mistress wanted to be seen in public with her without them having to go to the park? She could not believe it.

"Yes, out. So, go put on a halfway decent outfit and let's go," the pale officer ordered.

"Yes, ma'am!" Kim saluted before running off to go put on some suitable clothes.

Shego had decided to take the slender adventurer out on a whim, after having a very long internal debate about what sort of relationship she and Kim should have. She figured that going out might help examine the borders of their companionship. Could she go out with Kim like she could go out with any other person? She would soon find out.

The petite hero was busy wondering what she should wear. She guessed that since Shego was still in her regular street clothes, she might as well throw on her usual clothes too. She wondered where they were going, but she did not really care as long as the place served pasta of course. She would just be happy being out with Shego anyway, but pasta would definitely be a plus.

"How's this?" Kim asked as she joined Shego at the door. She was dressed in a pink short sleeve shirt and maroon pants.

"Good enough. Let's just get the hell out of here," the elder woman answered while opening the door back up.

"Where are we going?" Kim asked curiously as she exited the apartment. Shego followed her out of the door.

"Why are you so full of questions? You're not paying, so just be happy that you're not on the leash," the pale woman remarked as she locked the door behind her.

"Why are you being so mean?" the redhead whined.

Shego rolled her eyes; she was unmoved as usual by her pet's bothersome tone. "Keep it up and we'll go right back into the house and you won't have any dinner at all."

"Why?" Kim groaned. She liked being spoiled, she mentally commented. It was actually very fun.

Shego did not respond, which her pet expected. She knew that Kim was just looking to be annoying and she would not give in to give the girl the chance to irk her. As long as she did not feed the flame, Kim would be quiet for a couple of minutes, which was all she wanted.

The hero did wonder if they were going on what would be considered a date. She thought that it was strange for them to go on a date after her master made it so very clear that she preferred Kim as a pet. Well, what kind of owner took her pet out on a date? It probably was not a date, Kim told herself. But, what if it was?

-----------------------------

Next time: Is it a date? Who knows, but if it is a date, well, how should it end?


	3. Gag Three: Dinner and a show

I don't own these characters and I don't own this premise.

Everyone rejoice as I now have a betareader, meaning there will be fewer mistakes! That is all. Oh, wait, this goes out to two people, the person that proof read this and the person that told me to update right now; they know who they are.

Gag Three: Dinner and a show

_What am I doing with this kid? I mean, she's not only a girl, but my pet and seven years younger than I am. So, really what am I doing? It's not like we're two regular people that can do things together normally. So, why does it seem like I'm taking her out on a date like we're two normal people? _

Kim sat in the passenger seat of her master's car while wondering where Shego was taking her. She was also wondering if they were going on a date. She doubted it, but she did not think that it would hurt to look at things that way, if only to entertain herself. As long as she did not tell her mistress that she was going to pretend that they were out on a date, she ventured that it would be all right for her to think of things as a date.

Shego was not too sure if it was a date; she was taking her pet out, after all. But, even if it was not a date, she tried not to think too much on it. She was just hanging out with her little monster. Yes, that was a good way to look at things. She was just hanging out with her impish pet.

The pale woman took them to an average restaurant because they were not dressed for anything better than that. Kim did not mind for several reasons; the person that she was with was one of them and the fact that she was about to get a free meal was another. They were seated quickly and quietly. The menus were handed to them; Shego could already guess what her loopy pet was going to order.

"Hey, look at this. This looks good, doesn't it?" Kim asked Shego as she showed her mistress the drinks menu. She was pointing to some orange concoction that caused Shego to arch an ebony eyebrow.

"Why are you looking at alcoholic beverages?" the green-skinned female inquired.

"What? I can drink legally now," the redhead pointed out. She was just legal, not that she understood why she could vote years earlier than she could drink.

"Are you telling me because you need me to vouch for you?" the emerald-eyed officer countered, slightly teasing the petite hero. She recalled back when she first met her girl and how Kim had no form of identification on her at all. She just had to take Kim's word on everything; well, all she really cared about then was the girl's age to make sure that she was not a runaway.

"I'm just saying is all," Kim argued.

"Do you even have ID?" Shego inquired.

"Sure, I have plenty of ID. I've got a driver's license, school ID, my passport, a lab ID—" Kim was going to keep going, but she was cut off.

"On you right now?" Shego interjected.

"Yeah."

"Make sure you have ID with you at all times," Shego ordered.

"Okay," Kim hesitantly replied.

It seemed like a very strange standing order for the redhead. She did not see why she was being commanded to always have identification on her. It was not like she wandered around all the time with no form of identification. She was starting to wonder if Shego just liked worrying about her.

The younger woman did figure that the time that she got arrested for being a vagrant did not help matters in the area of her master being concerned for her. But, being a vagrant was not much of a crime and was not much of a big deal; it had not been the first time that it happened to her either. She would have either done her time, which would have been a couple of days at the most, or just called someone to come get her if Shego had not happened across her. It was not like she was completely dense and would have crumbled from such a small thing.

Shego was only aware after the words had left her mouth that she was sort of lecturing her girl. She could not believe it, so she decided that she better think before speaking again. After all, she was not the kid's mother. She imagined that must be a painful job because just being the brat's mistress was gut-wrenching sometimes.

"Stop looking at the alcoholic beverages," the pale woman commanded Kim.

"Why?" the petite hero asked. She really had no plans of having an adult drink. She did not like drinking much because she did not see the joy in having something burn its way down her throat.

"Because I'm not dealing with you drunk," Shego answered the question of why she wanted her pet to quit entertaining the idea of getting an alcoholic drink.

"Why? I dealt with you drunk," Kim said casually.

Shego looked rather surprised to hear that. "When did you deal with me drunk?" she inquired with a craned eyebrow, as if she thought that her pet was making that up.

"Back when you got promoted. Doctor Director brought you home one night and both of you were drunk out of your minds," the redhead explained as if it was nothing. She even shrugged a bit.

Shego thought back to when she was promoted. They did have that accursed party like they always did and there were so many different kinds of beers and she had drank like there was no tomorrow. She had been so drunk that she did not even know how she had gotten home. She had been in quite a state, alone with her pet. Things could have happened, she realized.

"Did you do anything to me?" Shego accused the eccentric adventurer. She made sure to keep her voice down, not out of courtesy, but the fact that she did not want a restaurant full of people to know that she might have been molested by a girl.

"Do anything?" Kim echoed in a puzzled voice and expression to match.

The olive-eyed female wondered why her mistress was under the impression that she was a serious lecher. Okay, yes, she fondled the elder woman's breasts almost every chance that she got, she got lost in staring at the pale woman's butt very often, and had very detailed fantasies about her master at least on a weekly basis, but that did not make her a pervert. It just made her lustful, but who would not be if they got to sleep next to Shego every night? She considered that she had rather good self-control since she only groped Shego's breasts, but then again those were her favorite physical feature when it came to her owner. And if she kept thinking about them, she would end up getting lost in fantasy and messing up the whole "date."

"Did you do anything to me back then?" the raven-haired female demanded to know.

Kim only smiled; she liked having a secret. Shego did not find the expression amusing. The older woman was about to get very angry when the waiter came over to take their drink orders and to see if they wanted any appetizers. Kim ordered a soda and some chicken fingers. Shego was tempted to have an alcoholic beverage, but now her pet had her paranoid. She did not want risk being drunk and taken advantage of by her perverted munchkin. She ordered a beer to be on the safe side, but also to fulfill her sudden want of alcohol.

"So?" Shego pressed the issue as she turned her attention back to her pet. The waiter walked off, having gotten their information.

"So?" Kim asked, as if she had forgotten what they were talking about.

"Did you?"

Kim only smiled again. Would her mistress really like to know the truth of that evening? Would Shego really like to know what could have happened if she acted on her desires instead of holding back that night? She doubted that Shego would believe her if she told the moss-hued woman the truth.

"I didn't do anything," the redhead promised.

"You didn't?" Shego asked in a skeptical tone. How was she supposed to believe a brat that molested her when she was sleeping?

"No. Come on, do you really think I'm that low? You were so drunk. I just took your clothes off and put you to bed. That was it," the younger woman explained.

"You took off my clothes?" Shego inquired while leaning forward a bit, showing her interest in the subject. She wanted to know if her imp had gone too far that night.

"Did you wake up naked?" Kim countered. The older woman was getting too hyped up over nothing, or at least over the wrong thing. "Calm down, mistress," the redhead purred, hoping to ease Shego's tension.

"I'm just checking," the pale female stated. She did not know about her pet sometimes. It was not that she thought the girl would rape her or something that ridiculous, but she did consider that Kim might go overboard one day, thinking that she was just being cute or something.

Kim grinned, her naughty side coming out to play. "Would it have been better if I stripped you naked and dove right in?" she asked while licking her lips.

"Could you not talk like that before I eat?" her master retorted.

"You brought it up. I'm happy to walk down that road all night now that it's in the open," the slender hero replied.

"The road of me being drunk, unconscious, and you doing nothing?" Shego pointed out.

"No, the road where I stripped you naked, dove right in, and stayed there all night long, loving every minute of it," Kim declared, still grinning up a storm. Oh, if Shego knew some of the things that she wanted to do to the elder woman, Kim was not sure if Shego would let her or kick her out for thinking of such things.

"Stop it," the emerald-eyed martial artist ordered. She did not want to hear such x-rated things before she was going to eat, especially since they involved her and her pet.

"You started it," Kim commented while turning her mouth up in mock anger.

"Well, I'm ending it."

"Okay, fine. I'll just sit here and think about it," the redhead stated, as if that was going to hurt her owner.

"You're such a little pervert," Shego said while shaking her head as if she was disgusted.

Kim only grinned, like being called a pervert was something to be proud of. If only she could just sit there and get lost in an adult fantasy, but she doubted that it would be proper in a restaurant; not to mention, she would eventually get uncomfortable due to certain responses that her body would have to such a thought. Shego would not put it past her pet to be having a deluded daydream at the moment. The thing that did shock her was that she found herself curious as to what her brat was thinking about.

It was not the first time that Shego found herself curious as to what was going on Kim's head when she claimed to be having a fantasy. Kim never seemed to have a problem with telling her. She did have a problem with asking because she did not want to fool her pet into believing that she was interested in such a thing.

Before Shego got the gall to inquire what Kim was thinking about, their drinks were and appetizers were brought to them. Kim started in on the chicken fingers while Shego ordered her meal and she ordered Kim's meal too because the redhead had her mouth full when the waiter turned to her. The elfish girl smiled when her master informed the waiter to just bring Kim a big plate pf spaghetti. Her mistress knew her so well.

"You having fun with those?" Shego asked her pet as the girl munched on the next chicken finger.

"Why? You want one?" Kim countered. There was only one left; she hated that every restaurant seemed to think that three chicken fingers could sustain a whole table, no matter how many people were sitting at it.

"No, I don't eat appetizers," the pale woman informed her little monster.

"No?"

"No. I pay for the full meal and that's what I want. I don't want anything that might stop me from finishing the main course. But, with the way you eat, I doubt that you even think about that," Shego commented.

"It's not usually on my mind," the redhead admitted while eating the last chicken finger. She did not feel that she ate a lot, but she was starting to realize that she normally cleaned her plate at every meal. She was always like that, but she guessed that she had a high metabolism because she never gained much weight from such snacking. The globetrotting probably had something to do with her weight also, she considered.

The green-skinned woman only shook her head. So far, everything was going well and good, she noted. She figured that if she considered it a date, then it was the greatest date that she had ever had in her life. No annoying banter, no ranting, and best of all, no seafood. It was a good, average way to spend the night. Who knew that average could equal good when it came to her and her pet?

The strange thing, to Shego anyway, was that she both wanted to and did not want to reach over and pet Kim. It was like a tug-of-war in her body. It was a basic reaction to her when she was content to caress her pet if the redhead was around, but it seemed like it would be inappropriate to do in a restaurant.

The pair began to make small talk while waiting for their food, which made Shego forget that she desired to pet her girl. They started chatting about Bruce Lee movies of all things; it turned out that they had both seen all of his movies about thousand times. It seemed so weird that they did not know that they both liked the actor since they watched a movie at least every two days together.

The small talk was fun because Shego never got to talk about such things with Betty. Shego and Betty were always trying to prove that the other was an idiot or just one-up the other. While it was always entertaining to attempt to crush Betty's spirit, it was also fun to just engage in some chitchat with her tiny pet.

The pair continued their discussion when their food came and it seemed that everything was all right. When they were done, Shego paid for everything, of course. It felt good to pay for everything in her opinion rather having some guy insist that he pay and getting into a big argument. It was also nice because her pet expected it; it was not something that would be debated in the slightest, so it would not be annoying.

Also, her pet looked so very content; it was a satisfying thing to witness for some reason that Shego could not figure out. Kim was smiling, not grinning in her usual over-the-top, cheerful manner, but just regular smiling. The redhead had her dessert tucked under her arm; she was taking her cake to go. She was curious as to what they would do once they got home. If they were just on a date, how would it conclude? Well, Kim knew how she wanted the night to end.

Shego was a bit curious about how the evening should end too. She was not sure if they had just been on a date; it had many of the elements of a date to it, but she was not sure if she would label it as a date. She was not sure if it should end like most good dates would conclude.

The master and the pet returned home once the meal was over. Shego went to take a shower while Kim went to dig into her dessert, a huge slice of banana cream cheesecake. By the time that she was done eating her cake and having some soda to go with it, she was about to just crash on the sofa; life as a pet was good. And then her mistress stopped her plan.

"Go take a shower and no more soda for the night," the pale woman commanded.

Kim made a face, which earned her a thump in the nose and an order to fix her face. She did as ordered, fixing her face and trotting off to take a shower. She had been aware that she was not going to be allowed any more soda for the night, which explained why she had gulped down a whole liter while her master had been in the shower.

Shego thought that it was all of the sugar that hyped her little monster up. She would consider that Kim was just energetic, but sometimes, she seemed to just bounce off of the walls and Shego did not think that was natural. She tried to limit the girl's sugar intake, but it seemed that that did not help much. All she could do was count herself lucky that her munchkin did not drink coffee.

Once Kim was done with her shower, she returned to the living room and joined her mistress on the sofa. They watched a movie, much like they did every night. The green-skinned woman caressed Kim's head through the movie and then when the film was over, it was time for bed.

The redhead followed Shego to her bedroom, which was atypical. Kim usually faked as if she was going to go to sleep in her own bed and then she would sneak into her master's bedroom after a few minutes; well, it was not really sneaking because it was expected behavior. She was hoping right now that she could ride out the joy of their dinner by riding Shego.

"Where do you think you're going?" the elder female inquired when she noticed her pet following her.

"Um … nightcap?" Kim replied with a wide grin.

"Keep dreaming," Shego automatically answered; she did not even have to think about that response.

The redhead pouted for a very brief moment. Her mischievous side then crawled out of her brain and decided to take over. That side of her was all too aware that her mistress was more bark than bite when it came to her and also that her master had a history of saying things that she did not mean. With luck, it was one of those times or she was going to be some big trouble.

The petite hero launched herself at Shego without warning, knocking her into her bedroom. The super-powered woman managed to stay on her feet while Kim's mouth was on hers in a lightning quick instant. The older woman surrendered to the kiss without a problem, but when she felt hands on her stomach and thigh, she halted the groping. She removed Kim's hands from her body, but she did not break the delicious kiss. The adventurer was not deterred from touching her sultry master and tried again with the same results; Shego held off the hands.

The emerald-eyed woman asked herself, did she really desire to sleep with Kim? Yes, if the kissing was any clue as to how the rest of the activity would be, her brain answered. Hell yes, in fact, her brain amended the answer if the kissing was any indication of what was awaiting her. Fine, she would give it a try, she conceded, but she had to be in control of what was happening. There was no way in hell that she would let her pet dictate what went on in her bedroom.

Shego wrapped her arms around Kim and lifted the redhead up into her arms. She carried the younger female over to the bed and gently laid the young lady down. She crawled over to Kim, making sure not to break their deep kiss. She then found one problem with what she was doing and that was that she was thinking too much on the matter before it even happened. Shego began to wonder where she should put her hands and what she should do. She had never had sex with a woman before and it was not something that she had ever thought of doing before she met Kim.

Okay, the pale officer told herself to calm down. She just needed to go with the flow of matters, she informed herself. It was just sex. She could do it without any problem, she tried to convince herself. She just needed to stop thinking about it; it was only sex. It was no big deal; people had sex all the time. She had sex all of the time.

All right, Shego decided that she would go for Kim's slender thigh, which was covered by her pajama pants. Okay, that was a decent place to start, the moss-hued female considered. She did just that and then the next thing that she figured that she should do was caress the soft thigh that was in her grip.

The olive-eyed girl felt her mind was going to go into overload because she wanted exactly what was on top of her, but now she was being teased. She wanted things to get started seriously and she wanted that now. She wanted it to cease being a fantasy. She wanted it to be reality. She wanted Shego so badly that her whole being was beginning to ache with desire. She needed Shego now.

The redhead began to reach for Shego's shirt, fully intent on removing the bothersome piece of clothing that was hiding that beautiful form from her. Shego halted the little hero again, grabbing her hands to stop her from touching anything at all. Kim let out a frustrated whine; she wished to touch Shego now and she did not like being denied. She wanted to do so many things to Shego, so she needed her hands back.

The pale woman went back to kissing Kim and caressing her thigh. Kim went back to trying to touch the elder woman, which was throwing Shego off, as far as the raven-haired woman was concerned anyway. She grabbed the redhead's busy hands again, stopping her from groping the super-powered officer. Kim whined again; she felt like she was being tortured.

Shego went back to her task, trying her best to do what she knew Kim wanted and what she was almost certain that she wanted too. She had not had sex in a while and she had not had good sex in years. She figured that she wanted to sleep with Kim for the simple fact that she had not done it in so long; well, that was the reasoning that she fed to herself anyway. But, there was something that was off with what was taking place and she could not figure out what it was.

The pale woman made it as far as putting her hand on Kim's bare stomach before being distracted again. The eccentric adventurer's hands had found their way back to Shego's shirt. The older woman growled in aggravation and grabbed those small, busy hands again. She forced Kim's hands above her head and the redhead whimpered. Shego started down at the body that was underneath her.

Those olive eyes focused on Shego, as if asking in sorrow why she stopped, pleading with her to continue, begging Shego to just allow her to touch her. The taller woman frowned and turned her head to stop looking at her pet. She crawled over to her side of the bed and flopped down.

Kim sat up on her elbows. Why had her mistress' stopped? Were they not going to make love? That just was not fair; it was torture.

"Shego…" Kim whispered.

"Go to sleep," Shego replied gruffly as she settled her head into her pillow, making sure that her back was to her little imp.

The redhead did not make a sound as she lay down to do as she was ordered to do. She wondered why Shego had halted. Was it such a repulsive thing to be touched by her, Kim pondered. Was it such a problem to want her? Was it such a big deal for them to have a sexual relationship? Or had Shego been forcing everything and she really did not find Kim sexually attractive? Kim was not sure what it was, but she did not like any of the questions that her mind raised. She just wanted to pleasure Shego and be pleasured in return. She just wanted them to touch paradise together. Was it such a huge want?

---------------------

Next time: Kim tells her friends about her sexual misadventure. They try to empathize with her, but can they really feel her pain? No, but they can joke about it. With friends like them, who needs enemies?


	4. Gag Four: try, try again

I don't own these characters and I don't own this premise. I also don't own Hallmark.

Gag Four: try, try again

_I want to stop thinking about it. I don't want to remember those hot hands on my thighs. I don't want to remember how close she was and what I was planning to do, thinking that I would have the chance. I just wanted to love her and I just wanted her to love me in return. Is it just that it can't be done on a physical level?_

Kim groaned and rested her head down on the table at the booth that she was sitting at with her friends. They were at their usual hangout spot of Bueno Nacho and, when she went down, they all looked at her; all being Ron, Yori, Monique, Felix, and of course Rufus. They had been all right, just chilling like always, until Ron asked Kim why she looked so tired and that was when the redhead hit the deck as if the question had bowled her over. The question made her think of things that she was trying her best to forget, but she was not making any progress.

"I'm going to venture a guess here and say it's pet trouble," Monique assumed while staring at the hero.

Before becoming a pet, the only other problem that Monique recalled Kim having was on deciding what to do with herself after college; she was not even sure if Kim looked at that as a problem. The redheaded young woman was usually so together, even now, except when it came to pet life. The fashion expert bet that the reason her friend's life did not seem together when it came to her being a pet was probably just because it was one area of life that Kim did not have control over.

"Oh, yeah, that was hard to figure out," Ron commented sarcastically and Monique threw him a look as if telling him "Boy, don't make me get out of this chair." The blonde decided to eat some nachos for the moment before he talked himself into serious trouble.

"I just didn't get any sleep," Kim stated to answer her best friend's question while holding her head.

The petite adventurer was telling the truth, but she did not offer up the reason why. She had stayed up all night, lying there in the bed, still as a wooden plank, staring at the door to the bedroom as if it had some answer to her troubles and her mind refused to shut off, even for a moment. She just kept thinking about _it_.

"Why?" Ron asked with sudden interest and Felix quickly picked up on where the blonde was going with his question. In fact, the brunette inventor was the only one that picked up on it.

"Steamy girl-on-girl action?" Felix added, knowing that was where his good friend was going.

"A-boo-ya!" Ron cheered with a cheeky grin. He and Felix always were eye to eye on everything; Monique thought it was scary sometimes since Felix was her boyfriend now.

"No, there was no steamy girl-on-girl action," Kim answered, which deflated the guys just a bit; their expressions certainly fell. The fellas were hoping for some dirty details on a hot night, but apparently they were not going to get any of that. Monique did crane a curious eyebrow.

"That was an odd tone there. It sounded rather disappointed," the fashion diva noted. Now, she was interested because she knew that there was more to the tale than Kim was sharing at the moment.

"Never mind it," the redhead said while trying to dismiss the whole matter with a wave of her hand. She did not to talk about it; it was bad enough that she kept thinking about it.

"No, no, no. I'm sensing a crisis. Come on, we're all friends here," Monique pointed out in an affable, but forceful tone. She wanted to try to help and she knew that the others felt the same way because Kim was always there for them and they would like to be able to return the favor whenever they could.

"I don't want to talk about it," the olive-eyed adventurer insisted.

"Come on, K.P," Ron jumped in, hoping to get his best friend to open up. None of them liked to see each other down and out.

Kim sighed and she thought about it for a moment. She was amongst her closest and dearest friends. Maybe they could help. They helped each other all the time; admittedly, some things got better results than others, but they still sincerely tried. Well, usually they sincerely tried. There was always those few times that they disagreed with what had to be done or something to that nature and things did not get worked out properly.

"Guys, is there something wrong with me? I need you to be honest too. Is there something wrong with me?" Kim asked.

The friends all gawked at Kim with confused faces, not that she could see them since she still had her head down, for a moment or so. They then looked at each other, hoping that someone had some answers as to where the hell that question came from. They all then shrugged because none of them had anything. They turned back to Kim, all ready to tell her that they did not think that there was something wrong with her, but they knew that the question was deeper than that.

"Kim, what happened, girl? What are you even talking about?" Monique asked, even though she wanted to tell her close friend to stop acting crazy because there was absolutely nothing wrong with her; she could do anything after all. How could there be something with a person that could do anything, except for the fact that she was living as someone's pet anyway?

"Would any of you guys have sex with me?" Kim inquired as she picked her head up to start gauging reactions to make sure they were being sincere. It was not that she did not trust them; it was just that on certain issues, they went with what they thought was best instead of what the person wanted.

First, the couples were all shocked by that question, especially since it seemed to come completely out of left field. The guys then turned to their respective girlfriends and grinned nervously. The boys wisely, very wisely, remained silent on that question. In fact, Ron started eating a naco to make sure that he did not accidentally say something that could even be mistaken for an answer. Felix took the hint and did the same. The girls were satisfied with their boyfriends not doing anything stupid, so they turned their attention back to Kim.

"Please, rephrase your question," Yori requested, feeling that maybe different wording could help them all better understand the redhead's plight. Monique had a better idea.

"Girl, what the hell are you even talking about?" the chocolate-eyed female asked.

"Well … I …" Kim could not even explain herself, so she let out a frustrated groan.

"Dis is seful frusfasion," Ron mumbled with his mouth full of naco.

"Swallow first, genius, and then talk," Monique commanded with an aggravated sigh. She honestly did not see how Yori put up with him all the time and still held a firm grip on reality.

Ron did as he was ordered and swallowed everything that he had been eating. "This is sexual frustration. It's mega obvious. I mean, look how tweaked she is," he commented while motioning to Kim.

"I'm not tweaked. What do you even know about sexual frustration? You've been getting laid on a daily basis for years now," Kim pointed out.

"This is true. That's how I know all about it. I know that I've never acted like this," the blonde male countered with confidence, as if that made any sense at all.

Kim and Monique looked at each other to express their skepticism to each other and then turned to stare at Ron to let him know that they believed that he was using some rather dubious evidence, dubious at best in fact. Unfortunately, he did bring up a good topic. It was a topic that Kim would rather not talk about, but Monique was willing to explore it as a possibility.

"He makes a point. You haven't had sex in a good three or four years, Kim," the wavy-haired female commented.

"Whoa, how do you go on living?" Felix asked with a shocked expression on his face. Ron was wondering the same thing.

"I don't need sex like that," Kim replied in a flat tone.

"It might explain why you always look for adrenaline rushes," Felix muttered and Kim glared at him so harshly that it actually scared him. "I'm just saying is all," he defended himself while holding up his hands as a gesture of surrender. He was now inclined to agree with others, though; Kim was beyond sexually frustrated as far as he could tell just from the way that she stared daggers into his soul that moment.

"Kim, you are living with a woman that you're attracted to," Yori pointed out, showing that she was a bit supportive of the theory that the hero was sexually frustrated.

"So, it's only natural that you're frustrated," Ron chimed in.

"It's not like that," the slender hero tried to argue. She could not think of any reasons as to why it was not like that, but she was fairly certain that it was not like that. She was not sexually frustrated. She could live without sex; she had been doing it for most of her life.

"What do you mean it's not like that? Kim, you sleep next a woman that you're attracted to, that you seem to be in serious love with, and you have for the past couple of years. You've got to be frustrated with that. Hell, you admit that you fondle the woman in your damn sleep," Monique pointed out.

"Keeping it real, Mo," Ron commented because Monique had broken it all down and just told the plain truth right there. He then turned to Kim. "That's your brain screaming that you need sex," he stated.

"You're lucky to not have woken up humping your mistress," Felix remarked.

"Does this really have to be the topic of conversation?" the redhead inquired, especially since they were not helping. Telling her that she was sexually frustrated and things like that did not help because even if she was, she would remain that way. Her mistress, the one person that she desired, did not seem to want her in return and she could not do anything about that.

"Yes," they all answered. It certainly did have to be the topic of conversation as far as they were all concerned.

"Come on," Kim pled. She really did not want to talk about it. She wished that she could just forget there was such a thing as sexual intercourse.

"You come on. Now, spill," Ron ordered.

Kim sighed and bit into her bottom lip. Did she really want to share that blunder of a night? She could already envision her friends laughing at her because it was just a comical night; if the person was not involved in it anyway because it certainly was not funny on her end. From her point of view, it was beyond frustrating. It was close to maddening for her.

After all, it was just like her friends all pointed out. Kim had not had sex in well over three years; she actually could not remember the last time that she had done it. She slept next to the one person on the planet that she was hopelessly attracted too, maybe even hopelessly in love with considering how much she was willing to do for the woman. She was surprised that she had not woken up one night just dry-humping Shego like a horny dog.

"I was this close," Kim lamented, holding her thumb and index about a centimeter apart to show just how close she had been. She had put her head back down on the table. "Can you believe it? I was that close," she muttered.

"So close, yet so far away," Ron commented and that earned him a very light slap from Yori. "Ow!" he complained, even though the blow did not hurt in the slightest.

"Be compassionate. Your best friend is in sorrow," the ninja pointed out.

"I'm just trying to lighten the mood is all," the blonde grumbled.

"Kim, sweetie, what happened?" Monique asked in an understanding tone.

The redhead did not pick her head up as she went into recounting the taunting, torturous night that she had last night. It was like Shego had been trying to force herself to make love to her, Kim noted. It was like her master did not really want to do it. She had doubts that she would ever get another chance to do anything of that nature again and she had not even gotten the chance to touch that very tempting light green flesh last night. She had not gotten the opportunity to do anything and it was gone, lost to eternity like a haunting whisper in the wind.

By the end of the account, her friends were empathizing with her as best they could. They could not really imagine how she felt since none of them had ever been rejected in such a manner before. They were willing to bet that it did make for an awkward morning, but none of them said anything on that matter.

"Just because things did not go well last night doesn't mean that it won't happen," Monique said. She was going to add that her friend should just give it time, but Kim had put in years already, so she thought that it might only infuriate the hero if she did say such a thing because Kim had given it more time than most people would even consider.

"Yeah, K.P, she's right. I mean, when I hooked up with Yori and we were about to get down, everything went wrong," Ron started to tell the story to make his friend feel better, but his girlfriend halted him.

"Could you not tell this story, Ron-kun?" Yori stated. First of all, she did not like him sharing tales of their sexual escapades. Second of all, the night that he was about to go into, no one should ever know about that, ever. She was still trying to wipe it from her memory.

"Yeah, we don't need to hear stories about your freaky sex life," Monique concurred. It was bad enough that she knew that Ron had sex; she did not need to hear about it too.

"We've got to swap stories," Felix said to the blonde boy, who was about to agree wholeheartedly.

"Hey!" their girlfriends reprimanded them simultaneously. Ron was just glad that he had not answered because he might have had his ear pulled or something worse.

"We might have to take a page from Kim's mistress and get some leashes," Monique commented.

"I'm all for it," the blue-eyed male replied with a lecherous smirk while Ron could only nod very enthusiastically to show that he was all for the idea too.

"I meant for you two," the African-American woman clarified.

"I'm still all for it," the brunette inventor replied while Ron continued to just nod and grin.

"Do you see what we're working with here?" Monique asked Yori.

"I knew my boy was dangerous when I took him," the ninja remarked, showing that she was picking up a lot of things from her friends.

"Oh, I'm scared of you, girl," Monique quipped with an amused smile.

"Hey, weren't we talking about something else a second ago?" Felix pondered aloud because it seemed to him that they had strayed from the original subject.

"Bondage?" Ron guessed, showing where his head was.

"No, it was something equally as hot. Oh, right, girl-on-girl. Kim's sexual misadventure," Felix said and he turned his attention back to the redhead, who still had her head on the table and had been quite happy without any mind being paid to her.

Monique reached over and rubbed Kim's back in an effort to make her feel better. The adventurer appreciated the gesture, but it was not helping. They both doubted that there was anything that Monique could do that would truly be some assistance.

"It's not so bad, sweetie," the fashion diva tried to comfort her friend as best she could.

"How is it not that bad?" Kim asked in a mumble.

"Just because things went wrong last night doesn't meant that it won't go right the next time and there will be a next time. I mean, you're damn sexy, right? Everyone knows that. You're attractive as hell and very doable," Monique attempted to assure the redhead. She was starting to see why they did not make Hallmark cards for something like the problem that they were having; it was hard to sell the idea that one rejection would not lead to others.

"She doesn't want me," Kim grumbled.

"Sure she does. She likes kissing you. She likes holding you. She likes cuddling you. She loves you very dearly, sweetie. You know she loves you," Monique pointed out and she truly believed that.

"But, she doesn't want to make love to me. I'm going to be sleeping next to her until she picks up a new guy that will get to do her and I'll be back to sleeping in the loft. It isn't fair. I'm the one that makes her happy. I'm the one …" Kim complained in a mumble.

"It's okay, Kim," Monique tried to assure her distraught friend.

"Yes, surely your mistress will notice how attractive you are and make love to you," Yori concurred.

The Japanese woman was trying her best to be supportive because she did not like seeing her friend in such a downtrodden state, but she sounded rather uncomfortable saying those words because, well damn it, the conversation was just plain weird, even for them. Kim was complaining about how she did not get to have sex with her master; how in the hell was Yori supposed to respond to that? She wished that someone would write a book on how to handle Kim's problems; the others would have agreed had she voiced that notion.

--------------------------

Shego was staring at her desk, which was neat aside for a couple of papers because she did not believe in buying useless junk to clutter it up with. She had been nodding off all day, but she could not fall asleep completely. She kept nodding off because she had not gotten any sleep last night. Damn that awkward and failed sexual encounter, she silently cursed. Damn sex altogether, she added in a bit of a huff.

Thanks to last night, every single time that she closed her eyes, she saw her pet staring at her with those big, pathetic leaf-green eyes. The eyes just looking so pitiful and pleading and they were glued to her frontal lobes now, it seemed. Ah, that damned fool brat.

Trying to have a sexual relationship with Kim probably was not going to work out, Shego figured. After all, last night was the very definition of a disaster. It was like the Titanic sinking in her opinion. She was not even sure if she had been turned on last night by the idea of sleeping with Kim. She might have just talked herself into it because she liked kissing the little pest. Kissing and sex just were not the same thing, so just because she could kiss the girl did not mean that she could be physically intimate with her munchkin. Come on, it was her munchkin, after all.

"Hey, you don't look so good," Doctor Director noted as she came over to her pale friend's desk.

"I didn't get much sleep," the moss-hued officer admitted.

"Brat giving you hell, I'll bet," the boss commented as if she was amused, mostly because she was just that.

"You don't know the half of it."

"Yeah, well, put it out of your head for a second or so. I've got the perfect assignment for you, going after a bank-robber made of wax," the chief stated.

"That'll do," Shego replied, requiring something to get those pitiful olive-green eyes out of her mind.

The raven-haired woman took the assignment and went off to stop the bank-robber made of wax; she did not even want to know how that worked, namely how he was made of wax. When she came across him, fleeing the scene, it turned out that his body was like melting candle wax. She hoped that he did not do that sort of thing to himself, especially on purpose. If it was not him, then he needed to go find whoever did do that to him and clobber that person posthaste, unless of course he had already gotten around to that.

At first, Shego went at the crook with the game plan of just melting his limbs with her plasma, which was what she did. It turned out that he could grow back any part of his body that she destroyed; it was starting to make sense why he would do such a thing to his body now. It seemed that heat energy versus melting power was not the best judgment call that Doctor Director could have made.

Shego supposed that it would have done her some good to have at least glanced at the report on the guy before going after him. But, there was no time to dwell on the past and what she should have done, but clearly had not done. She was just going to have to wing it, which was fine by her. Like she would lose to some guy that could melt; yeah, right, her mind scoffed.

The super-powered woman figured that since the perpetrator's body was like melting candle wax, maybe she could harden him like a candle once the wax was no longer warm. She fired a plasma bolt at a fire hydrant that was ahead of her and the thief. She then tackled him right into the waterspout that shot out of the hydrant; he made an angry noise when the water hit him. He indeed began to harden like cooled candle wax after only a few seconds. Okay, maybe he should get his money back on those powers, she considered.

"Needless to say, you're under arrest, asshole. You've got the right to shut the fuck up. If you choose to wave that right, it'll piss me off and cause me to hurt you badly," she informed the criminal.

Well, that was good for clearing her head, Shego realized. She did not think about last night again until it was time to go home. She was going to have to face her poor, disappointed pet. She knew that she had crushed her monster last night, even though part of her argued that the little idiot should not have expected any sort of tumble in between the sheets and should just be happy to have gotten to sleep in the bed with her permission. Still, she did tease her eager pet with her actions and that undoubtedly frustrated the precious little imp. She sighed; she probably should try to make up for that. Her stomach protested, knowing that her apology was going to consist of some sort of pasta dinner.

Maybe there was some other way to make up for teasing Kim, the pale officer considered. Yeah, her pet liked other things than pasta and she was thankful for that. She would treat the redhead to something other than noodles. All those carbohydrates might have been part of the reason that her monster was so hyper now.

-----------------------

"Welcome home!" Kim grinned as she embraced her mistress as the elder woman entered the apartment. It was painfully obvious that she was pretending that everything was normal if only to avoid an awkward evening. She was also doing it because it was what a good pet would do.

"Princess," Shego grunted in annoyance; she figured that it was all right to humor the younger female. She actually would not mind pretending that nothing happened at the moment, but then she looked down at her pet.

The pale woman realized that she could not pretend that nothing happened because even now she just wanted to lean down and kiss Kim. If she kept kissing the slender redhead, then she would always give the hero the idea that there would be more if she waited. Shego was not too certain that there would ever be more, no matter how long Kim waited.

"What? Hey, what's that?" the slim adventurer asked when she noticed that her owner was holding a bag. She loved it when Shego came in with bags.

"Nothing. Well, no, something," the emerald-eyed officer replied.

"For me?" the hero hoped. The funny thing was that she was being genuine; she really wanted whatever was in the bag to be for her.

"Yes," Shego sighed. Her pet swore up and down that every time she came into the house with a bag, then she had something for the little pest; the little pest was generally right.

"Spanking!" Kim cheered.

The raven-haired female only shook her head; she yielded a bit and admitted to herself that she thoroughly enjoyed her pet's enthusiasm, whether it was real or not. She rubbed her girl's head and Kim smiled. She owed it to the chipper little redhead to try again, Shego conceded at that very moment.

"So, what is it? Can I open it now?" Kim asked while trying to peer into the bag, but it was closed well enough to hide its contents from her view. She disliked indigo plastic bags; they were not translucent like white plastic bags.

"Fine," the woman-in-charge gave in.

Kim grinned while her master handed over the bag to her. The younger lady yanked her gift out of the plastic container and saw that her mistress had gotten her a puzzle, one with over a thousand pieces. She loved puzzles and the more pieces, the better the puzzle in her opinion.

"I figured that I could watch you put it together sometime," the green-skinned female stated.

"Thank you!" Kim hollered and she flung herself at her owner again. She embraced the apartment owner for the second time in less than five minutes.

Shego snorted, more out of habit than actual annoyance. Kim looked up at her mistress and then bit on her bottom lip a little bit, only to keep herself from doing something rash. The older woman knew what her pet wanted to do; she had no problem with giving in.

"It's okay, Kimmie. You can," Shego gave her girl permission to do what she desired. Her pet was so happy with that that she did not even realize what Shego had called her for a long moment.

The redhead quickly stood on her toes and gently kissed Shego; she did not want to seem overzealous, but she was overjoyed that she was still allowed to kiss the taller woman. Maybe they would have another chance at physically loving each other. She hoped that that was the case because the older woman tasted so good; it was like she was a forbidden flavor, therefore Kim always wanted more. And her lips were so incredibly soft that touching them had to be like touching a cloud.

Shego cupped Kim's face with her always-warm hands and deepened the kiss. Yes, she would have to try it again, the older woman soundly decided. The kiss just felt too good and too right for her to not be able to lie down and intimately touch the hero. There had to be a way where she could be with Kim without thinking so much on it, without it seeming so alien to her. There had to be a way. She only had to think on it.

--------------------------

Next time: Shego does some thinking and decides that it's time for her and her pet to take a little trip.


	5. Gag Five: Wet

I don't own these characters and I don't own this premise. Disney gets one and Yayoi Ogawa gets the other.

Gag Five: Wet

_I hate thinking it, but I guess it's okay to think it since no one can witness it, but I've never felt like this about someone. I've never loved someone like I love her; I've never wanted to take care of someone like I do her; I've never wanted someone to be happy like I do her. I know I love her in some way and I'm considering that I love her in some kind of romantic sense, so I want to give her what she wants, namely me. But, for some reason, I couldn't do it when I tried before, but I'm going to try again because I have to. _

Shego sat at her computer at working, minding her own business as far as she was concerned. She was not exactly doing work in any sense of the word, but she would argue that was only because she had not been given anything to do, if she found herself questioned on her actions anyway. She doubted that anyone would say anything to her, though. At least she was not attempting to interact with her co-workers or something worse, which was something everyone could appreciate.

"Nice hotel," Betty commented from behind Shego.

Anybody else would have been surprised by the boss' sudden appearance and would have jumped from being startled undoubtedly. Other people probably would have also attempted to cover up the fact that they were not doing something work-related at work, but Shego was not like most other people. The pale woman continued on as if she was not doing anything wrong. She did not even have the courtesy to change her bored expression.

"It doesn't say if they have a pool or not," the green-skinned officer muttered in response. She knew that her friend would not give a damn that she was not doing something work-related because she could always be doing something worse. There were good things about being the office crank; it made her semi-bad behavior look good in comparison to things that she could be doing that were worse.

"Going somewhere?" the chief asked curiously. She noted that her employee appeared bored, so she was thankful that Shego had found something to do with her time other than complain about something.

"Maybe," the emerald-eyed female replied.

"With the little brat?" Betty continued on, even though it seemed like her employee did not want to talk to her.

"Maybe."

"You're just not going to let me in on this one, huh?" the one-eyed woman figured from the two non-committal and deadpanned answers that she had just received.

"If I need the vacation time, maybe. If I don't, then there's nothing to talk about," the younger woman reported with a slight shrug.

"Sure there is. There's always something to talk about, like why are you trying to go on vacation?" the chief inquired.

"To mind my business probably," Shego remarked calmly.

"Somebody's getting bitchy for no reason," the boss countered in the same tone.

"I'll tell you later," Shego said in a dismissive tone that let her friend know that she was more than likely lying.

"Yeah, just keep up the hard work," Doctor Director commented sarcastically.

The pale officer only made a motion with her hand and then the chief decided to leave her employee to her own devices. She counted herself lucky that the green-skinned woman was not "bothering" anyone; the definition of bothering changed greatly when Shego and someone else around the office was concerned. She also knew that if she had something for her younger friend to do, she could throw it the super-powered woman's way and Shego would accept it. As long as the emerald-eyed female was prepared to do work in the end, everything was all right.

Shego continued to search through hotels, but nothing was catching her eye. She was starting to believe that she had either visited all of the worthwhile places or the cosmos was trying to tell her something. She figured rather than assuming the universe was trying to warn her about something, she could just go back to some place that she enjoyed instead of trying some place new. She should be comfortable for the trip, after all; yes, things would undoubtedly work out best if she was as comfortable as possible. Well, if that was the case, then she knew where she should go.

----------(New day)

"Pumpkin," Shego said. She was relaxing on the sofa and her pet was resting with her head in her lap. The older woman was caressing her little monster's scalp; it was soothing for both parties involved.

"Hmm?" Kim replied in a dazed tone. She was now a slave to having her head rubbed, she realized. She would do just about anything to get Shego to caress her head and then when it finally happened, she tuned most things out. It was just a very comforting thing and she had not known that until she became a pet.

"You're going to need to pack," Shego informed her lazy munchkin.

"Pack? We're going somewhere?" Kim asked with an enthusiastic grin. She was going to sit up, but that would mean that her scalp would no longer be being caress and she just was not ready for that to come to an end.

"Yeah," the master confirmed.

"Where?"

"It's a surprise. Just pack beach gear."

"We're going to the beach?" the redhead asked with a broad smile.

"Yes, we're going to the beach," Shego answered while shaking her head. Her girl was just too amusing sometimes.

"Spanking!" Kim cheered. "When do we leave?"

"Friday and we'll stay for three days. Okay?"

"Yeah!" Kim grinned. Of course it was okay with her. Three whole days with her master in some place that she would get to see her mistress in a bikini, so yeah, it was okay. Okay was putting it mildly. It was freaking awesome.

"Glad you're happy," Shego remarked and she meant that. She enjoyed seeing her girl truly smile that big and knowing that she was the reason made her feel warm inside.

"So…is it okay for me to have a fantasy now?" the slender hero inquired, as if she really required her mistress' permission to get lost in her own mind. She knew that her owner would find that amusing, though.

"Just don't drool on me while doing it," the pale woman commented with a small smile.

Kim smiled too and closed her eyes, actually intent on going to sleep and not fantasizing about her curvy master. Shego thought that her pet was getting lost in her own x-rated mind because she knew that her girl did that from time to time. Whenever she was being told about them, she usually stopped her little monster once she got to the main fetish in the fantasy, which was typically whipped cream, chocolate syrup, or honey. It seemed that all her pet thought about was food and sex; she did not see how her little elf got around to saving the world. She never did believe that her pet was actually getting laid, even though she seemed to think so much about sex.

"Such a little pervert," the pale woman seemed to comment out of the blue.

"_Your_ little pervert," Kim corrected her owner in a mumble.

"That you are," the older woman concurred and she had better always be hers. She was not about to let her pet go for anyone or anything now.

"Hey, want to know what I was thinking about?" the redhead asked just to tease her mistress. She had not really been thinking about anything because she had been trying to go to sleep, but now, she was looking to play around since she had been called a pervert.

"Did it involve syrup, ice cream, whipped cream, fruit, or toys that I won't even allow in this house?" the raven-haired female countered.

"None of the above, surprisingly enough."

"That is a surprise. Okay, lay it on me."

"There was you and me," Kim started. It seemed innocent enough in the beginning, but they all seemed that way only one sentence in.

"Big surprise there," Shego commented sarcastically.

"And I had my hand here," the adventurer continued and she demonstrated by putting her hand on Shego's breast. The hand was immediately removed and that was expected, but Kim pouted anyway.

"Keep dreaming, kiddo," Shego said.

Kim laughed a bit, causing her master to crane a curious eyebrow. The redhead then shot up from her resting place and kissed her mistress. Shego was very much caught off guard by the attack; she did not even know what was going on completely until she felt a warm sensation sneaking passed her lips and invading her mouth. The sensation was Kim's tongue, which eagerly explored Shego's mouth.

The pale woman moaned in delight and did not notice what else was happening as she settled into enjoying the pleasure brought on by the kiss. Kim's hand crept back to where she desired it to be, except now it was inside of her owner's tee-shirt. Her fingers sought out the enchanting treasure that remained hidden from her like the secrets of the universe. But, the journey was thwarted.

"Pumpkin," Shego said.

"Yeah?" Kim replied.

"Do you want a spanking?" It was supposed to be a threat.

"Do you really want me to answer that one?"

"Move your filthy hand before you regret it," the emerald-eyed woman commanded.

"But, it's happy there," Kim replied and to prove her point, she squeezed just a little bit to get a better feel of her master's forbidden goods. She was not feeling flesh as she wanted to because the older woman's bra was in the way. Damn bra, the redhead silently huffed.

"Do you think it'll be happy burned clean off your wrist too?" Shego inquired.

Kim pouted again and pulled her hand back out of the shirt. Shego then pushed her naughty pet off of the sofa for being such a bad girl. The redhead yelped as she landed and then she sat up. She grinned sheepishly at Shego; Kim supposed that it was just hard for her to do real shame while she was in the safety of the apartment, if only she was like that on the outside world too.

The slim hero did think that she had just made a pretty good try at her mistress. She hoped that she would get a better chance on their weekend getaway. She would do so many things if given the chance and she figured that the trip would be the best place to start.

Anyway, why else would they be going on a weekend getaway? It had to be to get it on, or so was Kim's hope. With luck, Shego would be able to relax and if she was able to relax, perhaps she would allow the anxious redhead to really play with her. It was not like Kim was looking to do anything degrading to her master; she just wanted to make love to the older woman all night long. She only desired to give the pale woman pleasure unknown until the sun came up. She only wished to make Shego cry tears of pure ecstasy as she rode wave after wave of unfathomable bliss. Kim realized that she was working herself up just thinking about it.

"Hey, do you want to know what I was just thinking?" Kim asked with a small smile on her because she knew her question was not going to fly.

"No," Shego answered plainly while standing up.

"Come on! It involved—" Kim was cut off before she could get into anything.

"I don't want to know," the green-skinned female stated plainly.

"Spoil sport," the younger woman moped.

"Sounds like someone here wants to be alone in the apartment for the weekend," Shego countered.

"I'll be good," Kim squeaked.

----------(New day)

Kim grinned as she entered the hotel suite with her master. She dropped her duffle bag and back pack on the carpeted floor of the elegant looking room. She then charged the bed, which was made up nicely, leaped into the air, did a flip, and belly-flopped onto the single, large bed in the hotel room. The perfect spread was now wrinkled thanks to Kim.

Shego sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose because of her pet's immature behavior. A weekend full of her hyperactive monster seemed like an overwhelming thought, even though she had done it before; not to mention, they did live together. It still seemed like it was going to be irksome because of the way that her pet had started the day, but she knew that the level of annoyance was more on her than on Kim. Her elf was going to act as she always did, so she was either going to take it as she usually did or she was going to let it work her nerves and ruin everything. She would rather the former to the latter because it was a vacation. Besides, she liked it when Kim acted goofy most of the time.

"All right, Pumpkin, time to lay down some ground rules," Shego declared, which got her pet's attention.

"Rules? But, this is a vacation!" Kim whined. It was not much of a vacation for her if there was going to be rules; although it would give her many things to break now and establish that she was going to be naughty for the most part.

"I know, but if I don't set any rules, you'll keep jumping on the bed," the pale woman pointed out and her little brat was doing just that.

"So, I can't jump on the bed?" the redhead asked. She was getting some good lift on the mattress and doing some good somersaults.

"No," her master answered plainly.

"No problem!" Kim saluted to show that she understood and she halted her movements for the moment.

"There will be other rules, though," Shego informed her girl.

"Like what?" Kim asked curiously as she crossed her legs on the bed and held onto her ankles to show that she was listening.

"No reptiles or any other animals in the room."

Kim sighed; she wanted to shout that her mistress was no fun. They were currently located on a tropical island that had a vibrant fauna population, especially when it came to snakes. She would not mind collecting a few reptiles, but she did guess that that defeated the purpose of being on vacation. But, that would be the good thing about being a herpetologist; work was anywhere there were cold-blooded creatures and it was fun to do. She could work almost anywhere and enjoyed that.

"You're not to touch the mini-bar," Shego continued on with the rules.

"Not even for candy?" Kim asked in disbelief.

"No, not even for candy. Do you have any idea how much that shit costs?"

"Actually, no, I don't," the redhead admitted.

Kim had only stayed in a hotel a few times and those times were because she used to do the cheerleading thing. Whenever her family went out on vacation, they had family members that they could stay with or they rented a villa. When she went places on her own, she stayed wherever because she did not mind sleeping anywhere. So, the price of things in hotels was not a part of her general knowledge.

"If you wake up before me, do not make any noise," Shego kept going with the laws of the room. That one was given because it was rule at home, but they never had to worry about it because Kim never woke up first.

"Gotcha," the pet answered with another salute.

"Don't spoon me in bed."

"Come on!" the redhead argued adamantly. It was like her master was trying to take the fun out of everything. What was the point in sharing a bed if she could not curl up next to her mistress?

"I hate that because most of the time when I wake up, you're like drenched on me and cutting off all the blood flow to my arms and legs," the green-skinned female explained.

"Fine, no spooning," the slender hero conceded with an upset look on her face.

Kim folded her arms across her chest and huffed a bit. She did have a bad habit of resting completely on her mistress in her sleep when it started out that she was just curled up against the older woman. It generally happened when Shego slept on her side for some reason. If Shego slept on her back, Kim usually just ended up making herself comfortable on her owner's chest. Maybe that was the problem when Shego slept on her side, Kim considered; maybe she was trying to make it to her master's chest, but she could not and that was why she ended up practically laying on top of her mistress.

"I'm serious," the emerald-eyed woman said because she did not think that her munchkin was going to abide by the rule of not spooning her. It was horrible to wake up with no feeling in her limbs because she had a hundred pound weight draped on her.

"I won't!" the eccentric adventurer insisted and she flung her hands up in defeat. "Anything else you want to take from me?" she asked with her mouth turned up to show that she was displeased with the rules.

"Do you really what an answer to that?" the pale woman countered.

Kim wisely did not answer that question because she was certain that her master would be able to come up with a million laws under the right conditions. She wondered what kind of vacation they were going to have with all of those rules in place. She had been looking forward to just a relaxed mistress, who would allow her to make love to her for the entire stay. But, she guessed that was just a dream. She probably should have guessed as much, she figured.

"So, what are we doing first?" Kim asked curiously since she was almost certain getting naked would not be on the list.

"Nothing you're thinking about," Shego replied.

"Are you sure? My idea involves lots of screaming," the redhead remarked with a small, lecherous smile.

"Don't tempt me or I'll have an idea that involves lots of screaming," the raven-haired female quipped. "Now, we could go scuba-diving," she suggested.

"Let's go!" Kim cheered, unaware that her master had other suggestions that she was attempting to get out of her mouth.

"Or parasailing—" Shego continued, but she was cut off again.

"Spanking!"

"Or cliff diving—"

"Yes!"

Shego had enough of being cut off. "Or kill you," she offered.

"Okay!" Kim concurred and then it registered to her brain what her owner had suggested. "Oh, ha, ha, ha," she commented dryly to show she did not appreciate such a joke.

"I figured after a while you were just running on automatic. So, which one do you really want to do?" Shego inquired.

"All of them," the redhead answered with a smile. She was telling the truth; she wanted to do all of those things and much more.

"You're really just all of the place all of the time, Princess. Come on, we'll go scuba-diving and then parasailing, I guess. With luck, we'll have sometime to just lay on the beach and do some sunbathing," the older woman said.

"Sounds good, except for that sunbathing thing anyway. Can I go jet skiing while you sunbathe?" Kim requested.

"Sure," the pale woman gave in easily. She could already see that the vacation was going to be costly; she could only hope that it paid off in the end because if it did not, she not only wasted money, but also days in her opinion.

-------------------------

Shego actually hated the sea. Too many damned fish as far as she was concerned; she just had a deep hatred of fish it would seem and she was not sure why that was. She was not very curious about undersea life like other people that went scuba-diving and she did not think that fish were beautiful in any way, but as she expected it, her pet was loving scuba-diving to death.

Kim was having a good time, looking around for all sorts of sharks that inhabited the waters. She was considering how it would have been nice to have become a marine biologist. There was a lot about the sea that was still unknown; it would have been fun to explore the oceans and learn about so many diverse life forms. Well, she supposed that it was too late to lament over careers now and she really did like the field that she had chosen. She doubted that she would like sea life as much as she liked reptiles and amphibians. The cold-blooded animals covered a vast field when it came to habitats and gave her more places to explore.

After the scuba-diving, which Kim understood that her master saw as extra-boring, they went parasailing. Neither of them saw the thrill in that activity until Shego spiced things up by cutting her harness and plummeting into the ocean. Kim thought that looked like a fun thing to do, so she undid the harness too. She cheered all the way down to the water; it was just as fun as it looked, she concluded.

"You're a copycat," Shego told her brat as they strolled down the beach. The green-skinned woman was looking for a prime area to park herself in order to sunbathe.

"That was brilliant," Kim declared with a happy grin. It had been just a great idea to fall from the parasailing as far as she was concerned.

"You probably love to cliff dive, don't you?"

"I actually like any kind of falling that won't result in death," the redhead commented with an impish look on her face.

"You're just not of this world," Shego replied while shaking her head slightly in an amused fashion.

Kim grinned; the expression was a bit bigger on one side of her face than the other for some reason. "I suppose I am a bit odd," she easily admitted with a shrug.

"A bit you say?" her master teased.

"Hey, nobody's perfect."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, Pumpkin, this looks like a good spot. I'm going to camp out here. Will you be able to find your way back to me when you're done with the jet ski?" the raven-haired woman asked because she knew that her elf could get very lost under the right circumstances.

Kim scratched the back of her head. "I don't see why not…" she answered, trailing off because the question threw her off. It was not like she could not find her way around most places.

"You say that now, but you end up chasing a butterfly to the ends of the Earth, and then I get a phone call with you whining on the other end about how you don't know where you are," the pale officer pointed out because things like that happened, especially when they had first started out and she had tried to send her pest on errands.

The impish adventurer grinned sheepishly. "Sometimes, those butterflies lead to some interesting places," she commented. She was easily distracted, but she did not get lost like other people. She could always use the GPS on her Kimmunicator and figure out where she was, but from the start, she liked crying to Shego about not knowing where she was. It had showed that she was dependent on her mistress, like a good pet should be.

"Well, don't follow any butterflies, kittens, puppies, lizards, unicorns, griffins, or chimeras some place. Come right back here. Understood?" Shego demanded to know.

Kim saluted. "Roger that."

Shego rolled her eyes and her pet ran off to go do some jet skiing. Shego was willing to bet that she was going to have to find that little monster later on. Her elf was just too easily distracted. She thought that she was lucky that her pet had not followed someone else home one day; she could almost picture someone picking up her girl like a stray and taking her home. That was pretty much what she had done, after all.

The moss-hued female flopped down into a lounge chair, threw on some trendy sunglasses, and proceeded to toast. She eventually fell into a fairly light sleep, even for her. She woke up because she felt someone looming over her. She opened her eyes to see her pet grinning down at her for some reason that she could not see. The brat was probably proud that she had found her way on her own for once, Shego thought.

"Princess, what the hell are you doing?" Shego demanded to know. She was a bit upset that her monster had disturbed her nap and was blocking her sun.

"You told me to come back when I was done. I'm done," Kim answered.

"I can see that."

"So, what now?" the redhead asked while sitting down next to her mistress' chair. Shego reached over and petted Kim's head, despite the fact that they were in public. They could care less about everyone that was around, especially since they would never see those people again.

"Let me just lay here for a little while longer and then we'll go grab some dinner," the raven-haired woman replied.

"Okay, I'm going to go do some swimming, okay?"

"Knock yourself out, kiddo."

Kim got up and went right into the clear, aqua ocean. Shego sat up a bit to watch her enthused pet frolic in the water. She watched as Kim dove under and then shot back up a little while later like a dolphin. The water made every part of the olive-eyed hero shine like she was some type of precious gem. Shego was rather interested in the show that Kim was unaware that she was even putting on.

It seemed that Shego was not the only one interested in Kim, though. The pale woman frowned as a guy approached her little monster and said something to the redhead that Shego could not hear. Kim smiled and her master scowled. The slender adventurer then said something with an almost apologetic look on her face and the young man walked away, appearing defeated in some way. Shego was rather impressed with the way that Kim had dismissed the fellow.

Was her pet that committed to her, Shego wondered. Would her pet always dismiss guys in favor of being with Shego? She was willing to bet that Kim would do such a thing. She hoped that she would be able to return such devotion. She wanted to be able to do such a thing for her imp.

---------------------------------

Next time: the vacation continues with dinner and after dinner activities.


	6. Gag Six: The laws of physics

I don't own these characters and I don't own this premise.

A/N: people, on my profile there is a link at the bottom to a cool picture from this series (more the second one than anything else) and I suggest that you check it out because it's cool. It's by Can-o-Meat; check it out.

Gag Six: The laws of physics

_I'm having fun, which I almost always have with my mistress, no matter where we are. I have fun with her just lounging on the couch, doing absolutely nothing. But, since we're here, is it wrong to want more than just being here and doing what I usually do? I don't think so and I'm hoping for more than some cuddle time for once. That would just be spanking. _

The master and pet returned to their hotel room to get ready for dinner. Shego went to take a shower first; Kim had jokingly offered to accompany her mistress. Well, no, it was not truly a joke because had Shego accepted, the redhead would have gladly joined her in the shower. In fact, the hero wished that her owner had taken her up on that offer, even if she was only kidding for the moment because Kim certainly would have tried to go in there with her.

But, Shego merely told her little monster to keep dreaming before disappearing into the bathroom; she knew better then to even jokingly respond to that offer because she knew that her brat would actually try to get into the shower with her. The petite hero decided to busy herself by going through everything in the vast room, including her owner's luggage. When Shego exited the bathroom, she found her mischievous elf examining one of her shirts. She could not help shaking her head to her girl's actions. What was she going to do with her loopy kid?

"Is this how you get your kicks when I'm not around? I hope you don't sniff my underwear too," the emerald-eyed female remarked.

"I'd sniff them if you were in them," Kim replied with a mischievous glint in her olive eyes as she turned to face her master. She had never thought of that one until just then, but man, that was a tempting plan there.

"You are just disgusting little lecher. Go take a shower, so we can go eat," Shego ordered while pointing to the bathroom.

"Yes, ma'am." The pet also saluted, which was expected.

Kim went to do as she was commanded to do while Shego went to straighten out the contents of her bag. She wondered if her pet was really perverted enough to be sniffing around her underwear. She doubted it; her goblin was much more playful than seriously perverted. Sure, she did have those fantasies, but everyone had fantasies. And, yes, she molested Shego, but it was nothing too serious; not that the green-skinned woman would ever tell her little monster that because she was certain that it would encourage the energetic kid. At least she was honest about things; it was more than most people were. She made her wants known without any games, which Shego respected.

The moss-hued female wondered if she would be able to fulfill the redhead's desires. Did she owe it to her girl to fulfill those wishes? No, she did not believe that she owed Kim anything. If anything, Kim owed her, her mind commented. After all, she took complete and total care of the slender adventurer, making sure that her brat needed and wanted for nothing. She did everything for her pet, things that no other person would do for her more than likely, so she did not owe the impish hero anything as far as she was concerned.

But, her mind quickly offered up a counterargument; damn it, it just seemed like her brain was always countering itself. There was the fact that Kim remained with her through thick and thin, through good, bad, and worse times. The slender hero was the only constant in her life. Maybe she should show a little gratitude, the pale woman considered. Besides, it was not like she was not somewhat attracted to the munchkin. But, if that was the case, why was she so apprehensive about screwing around with Kim? Why could she not just do to Kim what she had done to dozens guys through out her life?

"Because she's just a pet," Shego muttered the answer to herself.

Maybe there was the fact that if she did have sex with Kim that would make her more than a pet. Would she be able to deal with the redhead if she was not a pet anymore? From what she could tell, she would not be able to handle Kim if she was not a pet and she did not want to lose what they had. What they had worked and it was beneficial to the both of them, in her opinion anyway. So, maybe that was why she could not be intimate with the girl. She just could not take the chance of the redhead becoming more than a pet. She could not take the chance of Kim just no longer being a pet.

There was the chance of something worse happening that also plagued her mind. What if sex was really the only reason that Kim was now sticking around to play the pet for her? After all, Kim had degrees on top of degrees, was well on her way to having a PhD, was already considered one of the tops in her field, and could probably easily get a job anywhere that she wanted. Hell, she could create her own job. Would her pet leave her to live her own life once she got what she wanted, like so many other people had done? She doubted it, but the possibility of it happening still bothered her.

"Pasta!" Kim cheered as she exited the bathroom fully dressed and prepared for dinner. It was rather obvious what she desired to eat.

"You're going to turn into a noodle one of these days if you keep it up," the pale woman commented.

"I'd be happy that way," the redhead replied with a rather charming smile.

"You are so weird," Shego stated while shaking her head. In the back of her mind, she was thinking about how adorable her girl was.

Kim only continued to smile; she preferred to think of herself as eccentric, but no matter how she sliced it, it all boiled down to the fact that she was not normal. Well, she had yet to meet someone that was "normal." Maybe they were close to normal, but none of them were totally normal. She was just less normal than most other people.

The pair went out for dinner, making conversation about the day that they had as they ate. From what they both could tell, they had a good first day. They did try to consider what they would do for tomorrow. There were plenty of other things to do, but in the back of her mind, Kim was hoping, praying that they would get to the one thing that she deeply desired; after their first failure, she felt almost as if she needed it. Maybe she did need it; it had been years since she had been touched intimately and she was with the one person that she truly wanted.

Kim actually was not as interested in having sex as most other people were. She had had four partners in her whole life; two guys and two girls. Even with that number, her sex life had not been much of anything at all. While she was willing to try it just about anywhere, it took a while for her to get comfortable enough with a person to consider sleeping with that person. Most people that she dated did not stick around long enough for her to get into that comfort zone. The people that she did get comfortable with were gone not too long after they made it to that level. The fact that the people she was involved with typically left her was one of the main reasons that she needed to be at a certain stage of ease to do anything with them. So, she could do without sex; there were just plenty of things on the planet that she had no problem with doing rather than having hot, sweaty sex. But, there was something different when it came to Shego.

Kim felt a building, burning, almost aching desire for the older woman; it was something that she had never felt before. If given the choice to doing anything that she wanted in life and sleeping with Shego, it would not even be a choice because she would want to sleep with Shego. She would definitely want to have hot, sweaty, freaky, just all around crazy sex with Shego above anything else that she could think of.

It was not just about lust when it came to the slim hero's feelings toward her master. There was something else; something that the slender adventurer's could not figure out, but she knew it was one of the things inside of her that demanded that she remain with her mistress until the end of her days. She wondered how long the desire would build until she just exploded. Did other people feel such a thing? If so, how did they handle it? Kim wondered if they just waited like she did, but she doubted that most people did the things that she did.

"Did you bring any club clothes?" Shego asked curiously, which threw off her pet's thoughts. They were eating dessert; the older female was having ice cream because she needed to cool down as far as her body temperature was concerned while Kim was having a huge hunk cheesecake.

"I think so," Kim answered.

"Want to go party?" the raven-haired woman suggested. She always liked a good party, even if she did not like people too much. She could handle folks as long as she did not have to see them for more than a few hours. Loud music, hot guys, and lots of alcohol also helped.

"Not really," the redhead replied. Partying had never been high on her list of things she enjoyed, even though her friends were always ready for a good shindig. She only went to parties with Monique and Ron.

"No? You're just about the corniest kid I've ever run into," Shego teased.

"I'm not corny," Kim argued with some feeling in her voice. It seemed like her master had hit upon something that bothered her just a little bit, which was new. The older woman thought that she might explore the little sore spot since it was really the first time that she had found something that offended her brat.

"You don't want to party," the pale female pointed out to her pet. It had taken her about three years to find something that actually seemed to be an affront to her munchkin and she figured that she might have a little fun with it.

"So?" the olive-eyed adventurer huffed.

"Corny."

"I just don't like clubs much is all," Kim commented in an offended tone.

She had her mouth turned up to show that she was a bit insulted, which her master thought was utterly adorable. Shego started to laugh, which her brat did not like much it seemed. Kim furrowed her brow because her owner was laughing at her and she had not performed an antic worthy of chuckles as far as she was concerned.

"What's so funny?" the redhead inquired. She really did not appreciate being laughed at right now.

"You're so cute when you're upset," the older woman answered.

Kim was caught by surprise by that response and it showed on her face. She blushed a little bit because of the compliment while wondering if her mistress even realized the words that she had just spoken. Kim decided not to dwell on it and just accept it. It was a very good sign when her owner was openly admitting that she was cute.

"So, if we don't go to a club tonight, what are we going to do?" Shego asked and that also surprised her pet a little bit.

Kim was now stunned that she was being given a say in something without having to whine about it. Maybe the vacation, even if it did not yield the result that she wanted, would be worth something. She seemed to be getting to her mistress in a way that she never noticed. She was being counted for just for being there.

"I've got a great idea," the petite hero declared.

Shego looked skeptical because of the proclamation. "It doesn't involve us doing a million things at once, does it?" she inquired. She thought that her rascal would have done well if Kim had the Wegos powers.

"No, it's really simple," Kim promised.

"What is it?" the raven-haired woman asked. She was actually scared to find out because Kim never wanted to do something "really simple" unless it involved her crashing on the sofa and there was no sofa around for her to crash on. She could only wonder what was going to come out of her girl's mouth.

"We could walk on the beach. There are supposed to some caves somewhere along the beach too. Maybe we'll be able to find them and we could check those out and—" Kim was cut off.

"Yeah, now, you're getting complicated," Shego interjected. "Simple was the walk on the beach," she informed the younger female.

"Okay, so, we could walk on the beach," Kim proposed.

"All right, we could do that," the pale woman concurred. It was simple and sounded good. She had never walked on the beach at night, even though she had been to the tropical island several times; it was one of her favorite places to vacation.

"Spanking," Kim practically hummed. Romantic walk on the beach, that had to be a step in the right direction, she thought. The vacation seemed to be going good.

-----------------------

The pair walked along the pristine beach; a half-moon accompanied them, peeking out from behind a cloud on occasion to light a path that the duo did not notice. The scene was like something out of a painting, which they both silently noted. They did not say anything about it, though.

The moon and clouds were witnesses that there was something between the two, but it was hard to figure out what that something was. They seemed content with each other and held some deep affection for each other, but they were unlike lovers with each other and, yet, they traveled a trail taken mostly by lovers. It was like they mimicked lovers, but were something completely different.

Shego was astonished that Kim was not running around like a mouse on speed five minutes into their activity. She was walking civilly next to the older woman with her shoes in her hands, just like the green-skinned woman was doing. They were both strolling along, just enjoying being next to each other it seemed. Kim was, however, keeping a sharp eye out for those caves because she knew that they were close by.

"So, Pumpkin, have you ever been here before?" Shego asked curiously since she knew that Kim was a globetrotter. In her mind, she noted how nice the walk was so far; it was a good idea.

"To this specific island or this specific space right now?" Kim inquired.

"The island."

"Once," Kim answered.

"What did you do?" the older woman asked.

"I came here to find some kids that were missing from a village further inland. A missionary or something contacted my site and I came right over. The kids had been missing for a couple of days. Some of the villagers thought that a monster had eaten the kids and others thought that a crazy panther might have been the one that grabbed the kids," the redhead explained.

"What happened?" Shego inquired in an interested tone. Sometimes, she forgot that her brat was more than the lazy pet that she seemed to be most of the time.

"Nothing too serious. They fell into a sinkhole in the jungle when they were playing a game. They were all right, just a little hungry and stuff. They were embarrassed about falling in that hole and I know how they feel because that was how I found them. I fell right into the same hole. Only difference was that I had a grappling hook to get out," Kim replied with an amused look on her face.

"You fell in? Another accident. You're just full of dumb luck," the pale woman commented because it seemed like every time that she was learning something about one of her pet's adventures, the girl had an accident followed by a stroke of good fortune. Maybe she really was an imp, Shego silently considered to amuse herself.

Kim smiled a bit. "As my friend Ron would say, it's dumb skill," she remarked. She did not often get things done by accident, but it seemed like every time she was telling her mistress about something, it was always some lucky accident.

"I don't see how you even managed to stay alive this long with the way that you handle things," Shego said while shaking her head slightly.

"That would probably be dumb luck," the hero admitted with a small smile. She was exceptionally competent when it came to most things that she did, but there was luck involved too and if she did not have some sort of luck, she was certain that she would have died a long time ago.

Shego laughed a bit and she put her free arm around Kim's shoulders. The redhead made sure not to give away that the action surprised her; it seemed that the night was just full of surprises. She swallowed a happy sigh that tried to escape her throat and she fought back a blush trying to stain her cheeks once again. Shego did not notice anything happening with her pet; she did not even seem to notice that she had embraced her girl. She was aware of what she did, but she did not think that it was such a big deal.

"You're such a little nut," the officer remarked. "You have just the strangest luck. You fall into holes, but you always come out on top," she said.

"Well, I guess. It's not like I'm just wandering aimlessly when I fall in these holes," Kim argued.

The slim hero did not want Shego to think that she was too much of a ditz, which the emerald-eyed woman did not. If Shego forgot that her pet was intelligent, she always remembered that the girl was somewhat capable of thinking. Most of the time, she just assumed that her pet was too lazy to do things, not too stupid.

"No, but you really need to be more careful, Princess. What if you fall into a hole that doesn't end?" Shego pointed out with some concern in her voice.

"That's what the grappling hook is for," the redhead countered.

"It was a metaphor, you mook," Shego replied in an amused voice that came along with a matching smile.

"Oh!" Kim laughed. "Well, I never think about that," she confessed. She hardly ever thought about negative things; she just was not geared that way.

"You just do whatever comes to mind, huh?"

"No, I don't do whatever comes to mind. Sometimes, I do that, but not all the time. I just don't really think about meeting my demise whenever I do something. I tend to be more of an optimist about things," the smaller female explained.

"Yeah, I noticed that."

"Hey, the caves!" Kim grinned when she finally noticed the rocks way in the distance. She was about to run off when Shego grabbed her tightly to prevent her from escaping, which worked. "Shego, lemme go!" she whined. She had wanted to see the caves ever since she first heard about them, but she never had the time and now there they were.

"I'm not going to have you bolting off into the dark to go in a cave all alone," Shego stated plainly.

"Then you'll come? Let's roll!" Kim cheered and she ran off while holding onto her mistress. The pale woman was caught by surprise with the action, so she was taken away with almost no problem because she had not braced herself.

"That's not what I meant!" Shego protested while being dragged off by her hyper little monster. "Pumpkin!" she barked.

"Yeah?" Kim answered while making sure to keep going at full power and keeping a good grip on her master.

"Cut it out!" Shego ordered while trying to gather herself enough to pull the girl to a halt, but she could not get it together.

"Huh?" Kim pretended to not hear her owner and continued running at her top speed. She was not too sure if she would be able to keep on holding onto Shego if the older woman was able to get control of the situation and she wanted to get to the caves before she had to find the answer to that.

"Stop!" the older woman hollered.

"What?"

"I said stop!"

"Huh?"

"Stop!"

"Okay."

Kim ceased her movements immediately after agreeing and Shego ended up slamming into her pet. Kim wailed from the impact and hit the white sand; Shego followed suit. They grunted as they landed on the ground. The redhead silently cursed physics and the laws of inertia while Shego snorted in anger.

"Why the fuck don't you listen?" the green-skinned woman demanded to know in frustrated tone. Damn it, she was having a good time and her munchkin had to go ruin that by acting like a hyperactive, crazed monkey.

"You said stop," Kim replied while crawling out from underneath her mistress. Man, she miscalculated that move nicely, she thought. Bodies in motion certainly did like to stay in motion.

Shego only snorted while climbing to her feet. She wondered what was so special about the caves that had her pet so eager to experience some piles of rock. Kim stood up and just looked memorized by the stone formations on the beach. It was too dark to fully take everything in and the half-moon light was not doing the caves the justice that the slim adventurer expected. She would not mind going in, but it was dark and she doubted that her mistress desired to go in the caves anyway. Shego probably would not want to use her powers to light their way and Kim would rather not waste the power her Kimmunicator to explore the caves at the moment.

"Okay, so, what's so great about these caves?" Shego inquired in an annoyed voice. It looked like a pile of rocks to her.

"Well, from a biological stand point, it supposedly has a great many species creeping around in there and I'd love to see some of them. From a geological stand point, it's made from a lot of strange rocks and some of the places have steam holes in them for some reason. From a local legend stand point—" the little scientist was cut off.

"Why is it so great to you?" Shego clarified to avoid getting the history of a freaking cave.

"Oh, I've just never seen them before and supposedly extraordinary things happen to people if they stand here long enough," Kim explained.

"Like they die of hunger?" the pale woman remarked.

"They're probably better in the day. They supposedly shine like precious stones, as if they were painted glass. But, this is still breathtaking," Kim commented, mostly to herself with that last piece.

Shego decided to be cordial toward her little monster and just remained quiet since Kim was so awed. For about a minute, they just stood there, staring at plain rocks, as far as Shego was concerned anyway. Kim was as satisfied as the expression on her face implied; she was smiling slightly and there was a look of quiet admiration in her eyes. She took her mistress by the hand and held onto her.

"If something extraordinary does happen, I hope it happens to both of us," Kim commented in a low tone.

Shego was speechless for a few seconds. She was actually overcome with emotion because of her girl's words and actions, despite how simple they seemed. It just made her feel warm on the inside in a way that she had never felt before. Only Kim could do such a thing to her, only Kim had ever done such a thing to her.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's go back to the hotel. I've got sand in places it doesn't need to be thanks to you," Shego stated, trying to get back to normal. It was actually a little scary to realize what some plainspoken words and a simple, uncharismatic gesture from Kim could do to her, so she would rather go back to how they usually were.

Kim smiled and allowed her mistress to lead her away from the caves. They returned to the hotel and prepared for bed; they had to take showers again thanks to the spill on the beach. Kim showered first because Shego thought that the girl needed more time to wind down and go to sleep than she did. She did not want to be in bed with Kim bouncing around next to her, keeping her awake. She would rather the energetic hero do her bouncing while she was in the shower.

The redhead did sit up in bed while Shego was in the shower, but she was not moving around a lot. She wondered if they would do something, aside for going to sleep anyway. She wondered if it was all right for her to initiate things. She doubted that her owner would like her to start things. She was at Shego's mercy. She was at Shego's whim. Hmm, that was pretty much her history with Shego, she realized.

"Please," Kim silently prayed that they do just what she desired. She really did not think that she was asking for much. She wanted something that she knew her mistress wanted too. All her master had to do was go through with it. That was all.

Shego exited the bathroom and turned out all of the lights in the luxurious suite. She had been trying her best to not think about going to bed because she could guess that her pet was expecting things to happen. She was not sure what she should or would do once in bed, though.

She wanted to do it, did she not? Shego continued to ask herself that question. She was sort of attracted to Kim and she did love the little redhead; she just was not sure if it was _that_ type of love. She was not totally sure what type of love it was at all. Screw it, her mind told her. It was better to try and fail rather than to ponder things forever and always.

The pale officer climbed into bed and turned to Kim, who was still wondering what she should do and what might happen. It seemed like it was zero hour. What was going to happen? Would they finally make love? The redhead sincerely hoped so.

Shego grabbed her pet by the shoulders and forced Kim to lie down, knowing that the hero probably failed to notice that she was being irksome. Kim hit the pillow and then turned to face her mistress. In her head, Kim was begging that the elder woman would kiss her and her wish was granted; Shego leaned over and deeply kissed the redhead. Maybe her other wishes would come true, Kim considered.

---------------------

Next time: the moment of truth. What will they do?


	7. Gag Seven: Misstep

I don't own these characters and I don't own this premise.

Gag Seven: Misstep

_I know I can do this. I just need to focus on what I'm doing and not think about it. She wants it and I'm pretty sure I want it. She tastes so good, better than any other person I've ever kissed. I know I can do this. I just need to keep going._

All Kim could do was plead in her mind for her mistress to not stop; Shego was kissing Kim deeply and passionately. The redhead was hoping for more, especially since they were already in bed. She was starting to believe that she needed more. She wanted it so badly that she did require it. She needed it or she would go out of her mind, and considering most of the things that she did already, she was already halfway insane. So, for her mind's sake, Shego had better not stop.

Shego was certain that she could take Kim and go all the way to where they both wanted to be. The fact that they both desired it was a driving factor. Well, Shego was almost certain that she wanted to do Kim. Almost being the keyword. Some part of her made it seem like she was forcing things and maybe her feelings for Kim did not involve wanting a sexual relationship. She tried her best to ignore that feeling because everything felt so good that the idea that she could not want it was almost ludicrous.

The pale woman continued kissing the petite hero. It was as delightful as always, which was why the older female believed that having a sexual relationship with Kim was the right thing to do; it seemed so logical to her. She just had to go with it and as soon as that entered her mind, she started thinking about things. She was beginning to wonder just where to commence the operation and what she should do once she figured that much out. Soon, she could not even concentrate on the kiss anymore because she was so wrapped up in thinking about things and getting ahead of herself.

Kim almost immediately noticed the change in their heated embrace; it seemed to be cooling down quickly. The redhead figured that something might be wrong. She did not want things to end up like the first time; she was not sure if she could take such a thing a second time. She just could not be so close yet so far away again. She needed the intimacy; they both needed it.

The impish adventurer moved and began pulling at her owner's pajama shirt. One hand continued lifting off the tank-top while the other hand eagerly went after what the shirt was hiding from her. She wanted that secret to be hers. She caught the mound under the shirt in her hand as if was made of a precious liquid that she did not wish to lose. She cupped the flesh and felt for the capper of the whole treasure. She felt the gem bloom under her touch and then the next thing she knew, her hand was being removed.

"Son of a…" Kim bit back the rest of her swear, but her words broke the kiss that she was engaged in with the moss-hued female.

"Don't," Shego ordered.

"What?" Kim asked in a confused tone.

The super-powered woman was not too sure how to answer that question because she did not even know what she meant by the command. Did she not want Kim to touch her? How could they have sex if she did not want Kim to touch her? It just could not happen, right? She was not sure what she meant and Kim threw off her thoughts by licking the older woman's lip. Shego pulled back because she was caught off guard, which bothered her even more than her thoughts.

"Please," the younger female begged because she could just sense that Shego was about to halt.

"Go to bed, Princess," Shego said and she flipped onto her side of the bed.

The slender redhead whimpered loudly. No! Oh, dear, sweet, merciful God, no. She desired, needed things to keep going. Why did Shego keep stopping? What was wrong? Why did the pale woman seem to be put off by her touch, Kim wondered. Was that the problem? Shego did not like being touched by her? The eccentric hero hoped that was not the case or she was never going to get what she wanted. Soon, she figured, she might just be left to gratify herself and pretend it was Shego. That was not a pleasing thought, especially when Shego was right there.

The green-skinned woman attempted to not think about what just happened. There was something wrong and she was not sure what it was. The first time, it had been looking into Kim's eyes and now it was the sound of her pleading for things to continue. It was so strange and she could not figure out what it was. It did not help matters that she kept thinking about things before she even got to them.

Something or things were holding Shego back. Something was keeping her from doing what she was so certain they both wanted. What was the problem? She was not sure. Maybe there were several problems, but she tried not to consider them because she had enough on her mind as it was. She frowned to herself; she was sick of thinking altogether because she always had a load of things on her brain.

-----------------------

Kim woke up before Shego the next morning. Hell, she almost woke up before the sun that morning. She just needed to get up and do something; her body was demanding that she just move around somewhere. It was all right since she could not really sleep, so doing something sounded like a very good idea. She got dressed in some plain black shorts and a red tank-top. She exited the hotel suite, making sure not to wake up her sleeping master.

The redhead was not sure where she was going at first, but she ended up returning to the caves along the beach that she walked on last night with Shego. She remembered back when she had came to the island a while ago and the village that she visited, the people told her about the caves. They said that whoever visited the caves would have something amazing happen to them and whoever entered the caves would have their best dreams come true, if they made it out alive anyway. They had made Kim curious to say the least and, even though she was not very superstitious, but she was willing to try anything once. Besides, it would not hurt to check the place out; she did need something to do, after all. Exploring a place that she had never been should help take her mind off of things.

The eager adventurer entered the caves without a care in the world, not thinking about how dangerous it might be. She had been in plenty of caves in her lifetime; sometimes for leisure and other times for business. She did not mind caves; she liked to investigate things. It should help clear her mind, especially if there were all sorts of critters roaming around in the cavern.

"I wonder what kinds of animals they have tucked away in here," Kim commented to the air as she looked around.

It was dark in the cave, but that was to be expected. What was not expected was that the cavern floor slopped almost instantly and the elfish redhead nearly fell right on her face because of that. She steadied herself before she pulled out her Kimmunicator and used the flashlight feature on the device. She looked up at the ceiling and wondered why there were no bats or something, but she decided not to think about it. She did notice that there were plenty of rodents scurrying around her feet, so she considered that there might be larger animals in the cave feeding on the rodents.

"Come on, there has to be something in here," the hero muttered as she continued on further into the dark grotto. Nothing too interesting had caught her eye yet.

Kim would feel cheated if nothing was in there. She would just be exploring nothing then and it would not take her mind off of last night. Was she so repulsive that Shego could not even go further than kissing her? Maybe it was a cruel joke; the universe was infamous for pranks that just were not very funny, but then again a prank never was funny for the person that it was happening to. The prank seemed to be that she would fall deeply in love with the one person on the planet that just wanted her as a pet and she would, of course, want that person to screw her mindless, but that person did just want her as a pet. She was just a pet; a pet that was not getting any. It was a strange, almost vexing existence.

Okay, maybe, just maybe Ron and the others were right; hey, it could happen that Ron was right every now and then. Maybe she was sexually frustrated, she considered. It was not something that she had ever experienced before and she decidedly did not like it much. It felt like she was itching, but there was no plausible way for her to scratch. It was clawing at the back of her mind, just out of reach, and her body was begging for something that she could not provide. It was like being in the desert with no water, but continuously seeing a detailed mirage of an oasis that was just out of reach anyway.

She tried her best not to think about the things that she desired to do to Shego or the things that she would like done to her. She only wanted to show her love in a physical manner, like everyone else on the planet when it comes to such emotions. She wanted to do something normal in that sense. It was normal to want to be intimate with the person that she cared so intensely for. It was normal, her mind chanted.

Kim was so focused on her thoughts that she was not paying too much attention to the cave floor and how the slope took off sharply. She tripped on a rock and fell off balance. She yelped as she tumbled down the slant and right off the side of a chasm. She reached out for the edge of the rock face and held on tightly while putting her Kimmunicator away to free up her other hand. She panted as she tried pulling herself up, but the rocks that she was gripping gave way and she ended up plummeting.

The petite hero did not panic as she fell because she had the one thing that she never left home with her, her faithful grappling hook. She shot the hook and caught onto a stalagmite, which, unfortunately for her, did not hold for very long. It seemed that all the rocks in the cave were against her as she continued to descend. She crashed on a plateau and banged her wrist on a large stone, which caused her to drop her grappling gun and cry out in pain.

"Oh, come on. This is so uncool," Kim quietly complained as she watched her fastest means of escape fall off the side of the ledge that she had landed on and she never even heard it hit the ground.

Damn the Fates, the young woman thought heatedly as she climbed to her feet. She looked up to gauge how far she would have to climb; it seemed to be thirty feet at the most. She could do that in her sleep, she believed. She began to scale the cliff side and barely made it a few inches up the rock face. She winced as she let go and fell back onto the platform. The wrist that she had just smashed was sore and not up to supporting her weight at the moment.

"Better call Wade for some help," the redhead decided with a sigh. She was going to loathe having that conversation. She had just been in a series of goofy accidents after all, in her opinion anyway.

The olive-eyed adventurer then found out that she was not going to be having that conversation at all. She had landed on her Kimmunicator, cracking it and rendering it useless for the time being. She groaned; so much for all that dumb skill and dumb luck. Well, at least she did not break a bone, she thought, to look on the bright side of things. Yeah, things definitely could have been worse.

"What a day to leave my backpack at the hotel room," she sighed.

--------------------------

Shego woke up and glanced to her side because something did not feel right. She was alone and that was what did not feel right. She did not think anything of it, figuring her little monster might have gotten up in search of junk food or something else just as silly. She got out of bed and got dressed. She then looked around the room for her pet, but discovered that the girl was nowhere to be found.

"Well, she'll just miss out on breakfast," Shego said with a shrug and she went down to the buffet for breakfast.

The pale woman could not believe that her bottomless pit of a pet had missed out on an 'all you can eat' buffet. She felt like she could eat a whole cow herself, which was odd. She did not think about it at the time, but she often ate more when she wanted to smoke, but she was once again trying to really quit smoking. She did not think that she should ever feel the need for a cigarette again, but there she was eating enough for three people because she did not have a cigarette. By the time she realized what she was doing, she was on her fifth piece of French toast.

"Why the hell am I eating so much?" the raven-haired woman asked herself as she dragged herself from the table.

Shego recognized her desire to have a cigarette, but she refused to do that. She did wonder why she wanted to smoke. She tried not to think about it as she returned to the suite, thinking that her elf might be back.

The room was still devoid of her pet. Shego did not really know what to think. Her girl could have just gone outside because she was such a hyperactive brat once she was outside of the apartment. But, her troublesome pest could be lost somewhere like the little nitwit she was. Shego checked her phone to see if she missed any calls from her brat, but she did not get any calls. She sighed.

"Should I call this nut to find out where she is? Might as well. I don't want her to miss lunch too," Shego commented and she called her pet, but she found out that the call was not going through. Odd, she thought.

Where in the hell was her brain-dead munchkin, the emerald-eyed woman wondered. She considered that her girl might have been called on a mission, but that would not explain why her call was not going through. She tried again, but she did not get her pet. She pondered what her pet might be up to, but nothing was coming to mind.

"Okay, fine," Shego sighed.

The green-skinned female exited the hotel to go search for her missing scamp. She was not sure where to start looking, especially since Kim was vaguely familiar with the island. The redhead could be exploring like she did with those stupid caves, Shego considered. Oh, yeah, the caves; that would be a good place to start since her girl had been so interested in them.

Shego easily made her way back to the rock formation, only being slowed up by some guys hitting on her. She did not have any time for them and she made sure they understood that by flinging them out of her path. She sucked her teeth as she made it to the caverns that her loony monster had been so fascinated by. She looked around as she entered the cave and she frowned; she was going to be extremely pissed if her girl was not in the grotto or if she was in there, but just looking around without a care in the world. In short, she was going to be pissed no matter what.

"I'll beat that damn kid bloody if she's in here just fooling around," Shego commented as she ignited one hand to light her way in the dark cavern. "Pumpkin, you in here? Pumpkin?" the raven-haired female called as she stepped deeper into the cave. "Princess, if you're not in here, I'm kicking your ass and if you're in here, I'm still kicking your ass," she informed the air.

The pale woman continued to call for her pet while walking further into the cave. She frowned, getting angrier by the second with what was going on; namely, the fact that she was wandering around in a filthy, moist cave that her pet might or might not be in. She was to just slap that kid the moment that she saw her just for having her in the smelly cavern. It did not help matters that the place smelled like fish of all things.

"Pumpkin?" Shego called again.

"Shego?" Kim thought that she heard her mistress' voice.

"Pumpkin?" Shego called again and then she noticed how much the cave floor in front of her slopped. She barely avoided falling down the thing. "Damn it," she grunted because she had been very close to tripping.

"Shego!" Kim cheered as she realized that she was not hearing things. Her master was actually in the cavern.

"Princess, where are you?" the older woman demanded to know, her annoyance coming out completely in her tone. Oh, that kid was going to get it the moment that she saw her.

"Um…" the redhead muttered. "… I'm over the edge," she admitted.

"What the fuck do you mean?" Shego asked in a confused voice as she carefully made her way to the edge of the cliff. She peered over the side and saw an outline of her pet, who offered her up a sheepish smile. The older woman sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose; what was she supposed to do with that kid?

"A little help?" the explorer requested in a slightly embarrassed tone.

"Dear lord, you are pathetic. Whatever happened to your handy, trusty grappling hook?" the officer inquired.

"I dropped it." Kim confessed, still sounding rather awkward.

"You dropped it?" the elder female echoed as if she did not understand what her impish monster was going on about.

"Well…I banged my hand…" Kim tried to explain, but she trailed off. It was embarrassing enough that she was stuck in a hole, but to have to explain why that was, well, that was too much.

"And you dropped it. Why not climb up? It's not so hard," Shego pointed out.

Kim laughed a bit. She would never admit what she was about to say to anyone else aside for her mistress. She would never utter anything that implied that she was silly, mindless, or incompetent. She definitely would never think to admit that she could not do something, except to Shego.

"My wrist hurts and I couldn't make it up," Kim disclosed the fact that she was injured.

Shego shook her head and smiled slightly. "You're such a pitiful brat," she commented.

Kim pouted a bit. "I guess…" she muttered an agreement.

Maybe that was why Shego would not make love to her, the redhead considered. The enchanting older woman saw her as a pathetic brat, a useless creature, too sorry to bother being intimate with. But, when she tried to step out of that role, not only did it irk her beloved master, but she found out that she was really partially that role. She had in a little way become that whiny pet for real. So, she was actually pathetic, she concluded.

"Hold on, I'll come get you," Shego stated.

Kim smiled, even though she did not feel much like smiling. It was nice to know that she would be rescued, but she should not need such a thing. She was so wretchedly incompetent and miserably feeble around Shego, who was the one person on the planet that she would love nothing more than to impress enough for the woman to see her as someone incredible. She wanted to make it seem like a worthwhile venture to sleep with her, not a chore that her owner made it seem. It was supposed to be an enjoyable, earth-shattering leap in their relationship, yet it seemed like anything but fun when Shego was trying.

"How'd you get down here?" Shego asked as she climbed down to her stranded girl. She moved with ease, like a spider on a wall.

"Tripped," Kim simply answered.

"Am I going to have to put you back on a leash?" the irked officer remarked.

"No, ma'am."

Shego noted the dejected tone and look that her pet was carrying. She wondered why the redhead appeared to be so disheartened. She shook it off, considering that her enthusiastic girl was just disappointed because she had not been able to fully explore the caves; it made sense to her.

"Let me see your wrist," Shego ordered the second that she was standing next to Kim.

"It's not broken," Kim stated.

"I didn't say it was. Let me see it."

The petite adventurer sighed and she put out her injured wrist for her concerned master to inspect. Shego examined the right wrist of her pouting sprite. She touched the body part lightly to gauge how hurt the younger woman was; Kim hissed in pain from the contact.

"You're going to have to take it easy on that hand for a little while. Do you think you can hold onto me while I climb back up?" Shego inquired.

"You're going to climb with me on your back?" the olive-eyed female asked incredulously.

"Yeah. What do you weigh? You're probably like a buck and a nickel soaking wet with bricks in your pockets," the pale woman quipped.

"Well, something like that."

"Yeah, that's nothing," Shego said with a scoff.

"Really?"

"Which one of us has super powers?" Shego pointed out.

"Right," Kim concurred while nodding. She had forgotten that her mistress was stronger than the average person. She might not have super-strength, but she could pick Kim up with little difficulty.

The irked officer grabbed her injured pet and hooked her arms around her neck. Kim held on tightly while her owner started climbing. Kim even wrapped her legs around her master's waist to make sure that she did not fall; the last thing she wanted to do was cause anymore trouble or do something else embarrassing. Shego glanced back at Kim, who still appeared to be crestfallen, but the elder woman did not say anything. When they came to the top, Kim wordlessly slid off of her mistress.

"How long were you down there?" Shego asked curiously. She thought that the time might have something to do with why her girl seemed so out of it.

"I don't know. Probably a couple of hours," Kim answered as if it was nothing. She had been planning to just rest there for a while for her wrist's sake and then she was going to just bear the pain to scale the cliff and escape.

"What's wrong with your thing? I was trying to call you," Shego informed her munchkin. Had she answered her phone, then Shego would have known that she required help and been there much sooner.

"Oh…I landed on it," the hero answered. She showed her broken communication device to her mistress. It was not so bad that she could not fix it, but she would need time and light. Not to mention her magnifying glass and that was back at home.

"You're just on a roll today, huh? And it's not even noon yet," the pale woman pointed out with a small chuckle.

"I know," Kim sighed.

"Come on, we need to get you some breakfast."

"It's okay. I'm not really hungry," the redhead objected.

"So what? You're eating breakfast. It's the most important meal of the day or some bullshit like that," Shego stated.

The slender hero did not argue and just did as her master ordered. She was such a pathetic creature when around the older woman, she noted. She could understand why Shego did not want to sleep with her. She was just something to be cuddled, not someone to share a passionate night with. She was like a plush toy.

-------------------------

Kim eased out of bed, very careful to not bother her snoozing mistress. She went out onto the balcony of the hotel suite and sat down on one of the chairs. The night had not gone like last night; Shego had not even made an attempt on her. Kim had not bothered with trying anything because she suspected that it would truly anger the pale woman. There were not too many things that she could do that would actually upset Shego, but she had a feeling that initiating any serious sexual encounter between them would be one of the things on that short list that would get her into some real trouble with the older woman.

The olive-eyed hero glanced down at her wrist, which was bandaged. Shego had done the wrapping after she put ice on the injury, even though Kim could have been it herself. She just was not supposed to do it. She was a pet; it was what she signed up for. A pet did not bandage her own wounds when her mistress was right there to it for her. She was the pet and Shego was the mistress.

The redhead considered that she might have to just resign herself to her fate of being just a pet. It was not so bad to be a pet. She liked being around Shego, being taken care of by Shego, and bringing some joy to the woman, so it was a satisfying existence.

Unfortunately, being a pet like that was merely existing and not living if her feelings, her passion was going to be bottled up and put on a shelf, never to be thought about again. Well, at least her love would not be completely lost; she just would not be able to express it physically. She could still be emotionally supportive of her mistress, which she enjoyed and her master sorely needed. At least she still served a purpose and that was fulfilling.

"So, I'm always going to feel this pinned up, just under my skin itch? This dull burning that I can't touch? Well, hello celibacy," Kim sighed.

She was now a spayed pet in a way, she mentally remarked to make light of the situation. Well, it was just sex, she told herself. It was never really a big deal; she could always do without it. After all, there were plenty of things in life to do aside for coupling with her master. Yeah, it was so not the drama. She just would never have sex again. She wondered how many people would do that to be with the person that they loved.

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Shego had been awake when Kim got out of bed. She did not say anything because she could tell that something was weighing on her little monster, something that the redhead obviously did not want to talk about. Since the elfish hero was so preoccupied mentally, Shego had decided to not try at being intimate again. She doubted that she would be able to do it anyway.

There was something about sleeping with Kim that did not seem to click in her mind, Shego noticed. It was odd, but it seemed like she just did not know what she was doing and she was certain that it could not be as hard as it seemed to her. It was not like it was something completely foreign to her; it was just sex without a penis. In her opinion that should have made things easier considering her past experiences. She should know exactly what to do; she should just do everything that she liked to Kim. It made sense in her head, but she could not put it into practice.

The moss-hued female just was not certain if she would be able to sleep with Kim. She considered that she just was not attracted to the petite redhead in that manner. Perhaps that was it. Maybe they were just where they needed to be without her forcing sex into their lives.

Whoa, her brain skidded to a halt as she realized the word that had just went through her mind. Forcing? Was that it? Was she forcing? It sounded like she was raping her pet if she put it that way, but she knew that it was what Kim wanted. But, somewhere in the back of her mind, she did feel like she was violating the little monster. After all, she kept getting distracted just by her girl moving, so she would try to make her be still. To just lie there and take it, it seemed. It just seemed wrong.

Shego sighed in a low tone; it really did just seem so wrong. She figured that it would just be best to abandon the notion of trying anything with her pet before she scarred herself. She would only make herself feel guiltier the more that she tried. Hell, what if she succeeded and it truly did feel like she raped the younger woman? To hell with that, she decided.

Well, it seemed that the vacation was not too much of a bust, as far as Shego was concerned. She had not accomplished what she set out to do, but she had come to a conclusion. That was good enough for the moment; it was better than being perplexed as to where they stood. Yeah, they would just be as they were and not try to move things to places that they did not seem to want to go.

-------------------------

Next time: the pair goes back home and back to their normal lives. Well, normal for them.


	8. Gag Eight: Protesting too much

I don't own these characters.

Gag Eight: Protesting too much

_Okay, fine, I'm cuddly, but not sexy. But, sex is no big deal. I'm with Shego and I'm good. Yeah, I'm good. I've got plenty of other things to do rather than think about having sex. I mean, way more things. So, I'm good. I'm with Shego, so I'm good._

The vacation was over, back home and back to work. Maybe that was for the best. They could just work up a routine and become completely comfortable around each other again. It seemed like a very brilliant idea.

"Couch!" Kim grinned and she dived right on the sofa. She sighed; it was a content sound because she was happy to be resting back on the comfy piece of furniture.

"Hey!" Shego barked. "Don't flop on the couch like that and don't even think about taking a nap."

"Why not?" the redhead asked while making herself very comfortable on her sofa. Yes, she looked at it as her sofa and she was fully intending to take a nap on it now that she was lying on it.

"Because you need to put your crap away. I'm not unpacking it for you," the pale woman declared.

"Why not?" the slim hero whined. What was the point in being a pet if her mistress was not going to unpack her luggage? Well, of course there were plenty of other benefits, but in the short term, she would like to just go to sleep and her master put her things away for her. A pet was not supposed to work.

"Because I'm not."

"Why not?" Kim wailed.

"Fine, if you shut up, I'll unpack for you," the green-skinned woman conceded. She was the mistress, anyway. She was supposed to do stuff for her pet because the redhead was just a pet.

Kim grinned and settled into her favorite place in the whole apartment, not counting Shego's bed of course. She decided to have her nap while Shego went to unpack her pet's things along with her things. They might as well get back to their normal routine, they both figured; Kim did not have much of a choice in the matter if she wanted to stay with her owner.

------------(New Day)

"So, how was your vacation?" Betty asked Shego. She was standing in front of the cranky officer's desk. She had noted that her friend did not return from her vacation looking neither better nor worst; it was an odd thing for her to come back from a beach the same as she left.

"Educational," Shego answered as honestly as possible without letting her friend on what the vacation was all about.

"Unbelievable. I didn't think you learned things," the one-eyed woman remarked with an amused smile. Ah, she loved zinging Shego.

"Yeah, I learned plenty of things," the pale woman replied.

"Any you care to share?" the chief inquired curiously.

"Not here, no."

"Fine, I'm buying you lunch in exchange for information," Doctor Director stated as if the point was not to be argued.

"This information costs more than lunch," the raven-haired employee commented. She liked bartering with her friend whenever she could over work-related things.

"Shit, what do I have beyond lunch? I can't offer you anymore days or you won't have to come in at all for the rest of your life. I'll give you dibs on the all of the good cases for the week," the boss proposed.

"Sounds like a good deal."

"I'll bet it does."

"But, lunch is still included," Shego stated.

Doctor Director sighed, but she did agree to lunch. She was curious as to what her friend was into now that she was single again. She wanted to make sure that the brat was doing her job and she wondered if now that little pest was all her pale friend really needed. She just wanted to make sure that Shego was all right mentally and they would not have any problems in the future. The last thing she wanted to deal with was the emerald-eyed woman being frustrated about something.

So, at lunchtime, the two friends trotted up to their usual café, ordered their usual foods, and stared at each other for the usual couple of moments. It was a habit of theirs, trying to gauge each other. They were looking for weak points to hit each other with; it was because they were so used to picking on each other. That was how they got along and that was why they liked being with each other.

"So, what happened on your vacation that was so educational?" Betty inquired once she decided that she did not notice anything to bust Shego's chops with.

"I figured out that my pet is just that," Shego answered.

"Why, what the hell did you think she was?" the older woman asked in a slightly puzzled voice. She thought that they were of like mind that the brat was just a brat. With the way that Shego treated the little punk, she would have sworn that her green-skinned friend thought that Kim really was just a little lapdog.

"I had been trying to sleep with her," the super-powered female replied with a shrug, trying to make it seem like no big deal. She figured that if she trivialized the matter, she would be able to forget about it and she could continue to have a normal relationship with her pet. Normal by their standards, of course.

"Don't you always sleep with her?" the one-eyed woman commented. She was exaggerating as far as she knew. She was aware that sometimes Kim crawled into Shego's bed, but she did not know how often it happened. She would have been surprised to learn how accurate her question was.

"No, I was trying to _sleep_ with her," Shego repeated.

"Wait, as in…" Betty trailed off because she could not even believe her ears on that one. After all, not only was the brat a little punk, but she was also a girl. Her friend could not have actually been trying to jump into bed with that kid.

"Yeah," the emerald-eyed officer confirmed.

"But, you're not a lesbian," the chief pointed out.

"No shit," Shego commented sarcastically. "Your powers of observation still amaze me."

"Don't get bitchy with me because you're not getting laid by either sex," Betty riposted.

"Oh, yeah, and there are guys just plowing your field every night like crazy, eh?" Shego countered.

"Shut up," the brunette muttered. "What the hell were you thinking trying to bone that brat, anyway? Although, it's about time you got a fucking use out of her."

"Yeah, well, there's no secret that the kid's attracted to me," Shego said.

It was Betty's turn to be sarcastic. "No, really? I had no idea," she commented. "You provide the kid with food and warmth, so she'd probably follow you to Hell as it is. She might as well be attracted to you with the way things work."

"Well, yeah. See, I thought I'd maybe…" Shego trailed off because she did not know what she wanted to say. She was not sure why she had been trying to do what she was going to do, just like she was not sure why she could not do it. It was all so puzzling to her and she really just wanted to forget about it since she could not figure it out.

"What, you'd thought you'd make her dreams come true?" Doctor Director inquired.

"I actually think I just messed with her mind with this shit," Shego admitted. She did her best not to sigh because she did not want her friend to know how bothered she was by things.

The pale woman was aware that her starting and stopping the event was not good for her pet. Her imp wanted it badly and part of her did want to give Kim just what she desired, but it was harder than she would have ever imagined. It seemed like if she took that step, then she would be ruining everything that they had and it was not something that she would be able to take back. One false move and she could wreck something that she had only recently realized was so important to her; it seemed like it was something that she needed in her life. So, she really did not want to screw it up.

"What did you do?" Betty asked.

"It had to seem like I teased her," Shego answered.

"You teased her?" the older woman echoed and then she realized what her friend meant. She was not sure what to say to her old companion, but she knew that she had to say something reassuring because, believe it or not, Shego would do that for her. "Don't worry about it. You always tease her. She'll whine for a bit as usual and then she'll forget all about it if you bake her a cake or something like that," Betty argued.

The pale woman nodded slightly; her little monster was easy to please most of the time. She probably could make a few cakes and pies for her elf and the redheaded imp would probably not even remember their misadventures between the sheets. She could probably make a few pasta dishes and the girl would more than likely be all right.

The plan sounded plausible to Shego, but she was not so sure if it would work. She could not imagine how her pet had to feel thinking that sex was coming, only to be told to go to bed. She did not mean to be so harsh at the time, but she was frustrated with the situation and that was why she was callous at the time, but she did not mean it the way that it sounded. She did not want to hurt her pet, of course. Kim was her precious monster, after all.

"I can't believe you tried to fuck that brat," Betty commented, which threw off her friend's thoughts.

"I thought it might be the right thing to do," the raven-haired employee replied in a nonchalant tone along with a shrug.

"Just because you like her as pet doesn't mean you like her as a partner. Come on, she's too much of a baby to be any kind of real lover for you. She's too immature for you," the older woman argued. The kid was a brat, after all.

"Yeah," Shego concurred just to get off of the subject. Maybe Betty had a point, though. Her munchkin was pretty much a child and she needed an adult, probably and preferably a man.

----------------------------

Kim tried not to dwell on the fact that she was probably never going to have sex again. She supposed that the answer to her problem would be to just sleep with someone else, but that did not work for her in her head. She did not desire to just sleep with anyone; she only wanted to be with Shego. So, she was going to have to welcome her new forced chastity and just forget all about pleasures of the flesh.

Sex was not all that it was cracked up to be, the redhead reminded herself. She would just have to drown herself in her work to avoid that itching feeling that kept coming up. She had to keep moving to ignore that frustrating sensation in her body. And that was what she was doing at the moment.

The young scientist was gathering some of her favorite specimens from the lab that she worked at; the lab was located at her school. She handled everything carefully and checked the time from the clock on the wall to make sure that she was running on time. She collected up all of her items and charged out of the lab.

"Kim, where are you going?" a professor asked when the slim adventurer dashed by her.

"An appointment!" Kim answered in hurry.

"Be careful with those reptiles! And the lab car!" the professor called to the retreating redhead.

"I will!" the slender hero promised.

The people around the lab always swore that she was going to kill the specimens or wreck the laboratory car. Everyone seemed to look at her as a crazy kid because she was the youngest person in the lab and she was always up to something, as they often put it. She knew how to handle reptiles and amphibians and she knew how to drive a car. She even had a license that said she knew how to handle an automobile; sure, she did not know where that license was at the moment, but that was beside the point. Little things seemed to escape her at times, but she came through most of the time on most things, so she figured that it was all right for trivial matters to go past her on occasion.

Kim rushed to her appointment; she could not be late. No, not for the particular appointment that she had; she just could not be late. It was her favorite time of the week actually. She generally could figure out the time on her own internal clock, which was how she typically ran and she hardly ever thought about being late. She had to go on her internal clock most of the time because she switched time zones as often as people switched outfits. A watch would not do her much good unless it listed almost every major city on the globe.

"It doesn't feel like I'm late," Kim commented to herself. She checked the clock in the car just to make certain that she was running on time. It was unprofessional to be late, after all, she silently scolded herself; although she was never late.

The redhead made a sharp left turn into a parking lot, nearly mowing down a hotdog vendor. She skidded into the spot while hearing the vendor shouting at her for driving like a maniac. Kim apologized to the man with a sheepish grin as she got out of the car. She then collected all of her stuff and hustled away with all kinds of containers in her hands.

Kim charged over a grass hill and through a baseball diamond while a game was going on. The players looked at her as if she was a lunatic and as she was passing by the center fielder, she instructed him to get under the ball that was coming his way. He listened and caught the ball while she disappeared over another hill. She continued on until she came to a sandbox where she finally stopped.

"Hey, guys, sorry I'm almost late," the petite hero apologized with an embarrassed look on her face.

"Kim!" almost every child in the sandbox cheered when they saw her. Leave it to Kim to have an appointment with little kids and then to apologize for almost being late.

"Are you guys ready for a show?" the redhead adventurer asked the group.

"Yeah!" they cheered.

Kim smiled as she set down her boxes while the children gathered around her. They all sat down in front of her, eager for the educational experience that Kim was prepared to provide. There were seven little kids at first, but she expected more to show up once she started opening boxes; she was right, but she did not even have to open some of the cases. Children on the playground noticed Kim and a couple of them knew what was going on and pulled their friends to come see. They all promised their friends that something cool was going on and their friends decided to check things out.

The redheaded hero began her "class" with opening how she had just gone to India yesterday. She asked her "students" what kind of reptiles that they could name from India. Hands went up and they acted as if they were in a real class; most of them would proclaim that it was better than school. They were very enthusiastic about everything, which was one of the reasons that Kim liked talking with them. It was the reason that she made sure to see them at least once a week.

"Kim, did you bring Bill?" one of the little girls asked after a few minutes. The others began murmuring questions about Bill too.

"No, I couldn't bring Bill today," Kim answered.

The kids named any animals that she showed them and Bill was a huge bullfrog that they had taken a liking to. She had been very happy when she saw even the girls wanted to touch and hold Bill after a little while. She considered that she might be influencing a few more future biologists, maybe even herpetologists. She really just wanted to feed young, excited minds.

"What about Jake? Did you bring Big Jake?" a boy asked.

"Oh, yeah, Big Jake is right here," Kim answered as she picked up one of her plastic boxes.

"Open it!" all of the children implored her with their little hands clasp together.

"Okay, okay. Back up. Big Jake gets car sick when I drive," Kim remarked and she was about to open up the container to show off Jake, but a voice halted her.

"Hey, what are you doing with those kids?" a large woman with an obnoxious voice demanded to know.

Kim and the children all turned to see who or what was asking such a question. They were all confronted by a middle-aged, ugly woman with a mole. She was dressed in a purple vest with a checkered shirt of green and brown. Kim was confused as to whom the woman was, but she assumed that she might be one of her audience members' parents; when she had first begun her show-and-tell bit, she had worried a lot of guardians, but most people knew now that she was only trying to teach the kids. She was not sure what the woman's problem was and why she was barking.

"Hello, Miss…?" Kim said, hoping that the woman would introduce herself and some child would claim her, so that the learning could continue.

"Hatchet. Miss Winifred Hatchet," the woman stated as if her name was a weapon. She wondered what the young redhead was doing in the park when she was obviously a grown woman. She did not think that Kim had any business in a children's park and the fact that she had children gathered around her seemed suspicious; at least it seemed suspicious to Winifred Hatchet.

"Well, I'm Kim," the hero offered in exchange.

"What do you think you're doing with these kids?" Miss Hatchet demanded to know.

"I'm just trying to show them Jake," Kim answered while taking a step back from the woman with wing-like glasses. Miss Hatchet was in her face for some reason that the slim scientist could not figure out.

"Who or what is Jake?" the heavy-set woman continued on in a harsh tone.

"Um…excuse me, but who are you?" Kim asked in a puzzled tone. Was there some sort of park security that she missed on past days? She could understand that to make sure no one wandered off with the children or something, but she could not comprehend why the woman was jumping down her throat for no reason at all. She had not done anything wrong.

"Never mind that. Who's Jake?" the middle-aged woman demanded to know, thinking that Jake could be some kind of code for who-knew-what nefarious things.

Kim shrugged and decided to just fish out Jake. It would probably get the woman off of her back and she could go back to her "class." The kids all turned their attention back to the box because they were very antsy about seeing Jake. Kim went into the container and grabbed Jake very carefully. She began pulling Jake out and Miss Hatchet's face began to fall when she saw just who Jake was, namely a ten-foot long snake. The children all cheered loudly as soon as Jake was out in the open.

"What do you think you're doing? Bringing such a dangerous creature around these innocent children!" Miss Hatchet hollered at Kim. She knew that there was something suspicious about a grown woman being around those children and it turned out that the redhead was going to end up harming those children with that snake, she bet.

"Dangerous?" Kim echoed in a very perplexed tone. She did not know what dangerous creature the woman was going on about.

"Hey, lady, Big Jake isn't dangerous," a little boy corrected the middle-aged woman in a know-it-all tone.

"Right, Big Jake is a rat snake," a little girl said as if she was reciting the sentence from a book.

"Rat snakes are often mistaken for cobras," another child added in.

"But they are not poisonous," another finished the short speech off.

"Right. Good work, guys," Kim praised all of her little students with a smile.

Apparently, Kim's little talks were really getting to the children. Maybe she really had inspired some future biologists. She hoped that she did because they certainly inspired her. Ever since she had started speaking with them, she found herself doing more and more talks to younger children, whether the speeches were organized or not. She was indeed a busy woman now and the funny thing was that she did not have a real job. In other words, she did not pick up a steady paycheck from anything that she did.

"Is there a problem over here?" an Asian woman inquired as she stepped over. She had noticed the angered expression on Miss Hatchet's face.

"I don't think so, Doctor Wong," Kim answered as she turned to face the newcomer.

"Well, I noticed that you're not giving your usual vibrant talks. My nephew was about to kill me for being late for the whole thing, swearing that he was going to miss all of the animals," the Asian woman, Doctor Wong, replied.

Doctor Wong motioned down to her little nephew, who was already gone from her side. He had gone over to greet his friends and to find out what he missed. Kim glanced at him and then turned back to his aunt.

"It's okay. I haven't done much. The kids were just telling Miss Hatchet about Jake," the redhead explained.

"Ah, Big Jake, always the crowd pleaser," Doctor Wong commented and she looked at the aforementioned critter, which the handler was holding with care and security. While Jake might not be a venomous snake, he did try to bite if given the opportunity. But, the redhead had the serpent well under control.

"Yeah, I suppose after Big Jake, I should bring out Derek. That's probably the only way to follow a ten-foot long snake. I have wondered why they only give the reptiles' boy names," Kim pondered aloud.

"So, Miss Hatchet, is it? Did you come to enjoy a very education lecture by the soon-to-be Doctor Possible?" Doctor Wong asked the middle-aged woman, turning to Miss Hatchet to size her up.

"Excuse me?" Miss Hatchet inquired in a bemused tone.

"Yes, about once a week, Kim comes out here and talks to the kids about her travels and the cold-blooded animals that she handles. She brings out the harmless ones, hoping to make the children comfortable with the animals. They seem to like her style of teaching. My nephew has already told everyone that he's definitely going to be a herpetologist when he gets older. A herpetologist in a family of engineers. Sounds familiar," Doctor Wong commented in an amused tone while glancing at Kim, who laughed a bit.

"The harmless ones?" Miss Hatchet echoed as if she did not understand.

"Well, of course, the harmless ones. She'd never bring dangerous animals around children. She's much more responsible than that. Perhaps you should sit down and listen. It's quite enjoyable," Doctor Wong replied.

Kim was very thankful that Doctor Wong showed up. Miss Hatchet left her alone after the few more words from an older adult with a child in her company. The heavy-set woman left the area and though Kim was confused, she pressed on and got through her usual act with the children, who thoroughly enjoyed everything.

When Kim had first started her talks with the children in the park, it was actually because she had run into Doctor Wong. The good doctor had family in Go City and she visited them very often. The enthusiastic explorer started off telling the older woman what she had been up since Doctor Wong remembered who she was; it was hard to forget a person that saved her life, Doctor Wong always pointed out. Well, when Kim was done, the doctor's nephew, who was in her company, wanted to keep hearing about how she worked with snakes and lizards and he called over some of his friends to hear her go on. After that, he had requested to see some of her snakes and the next thing she knew she was known as "the snake lady" in the park.

Once Kim was done with her lecture and show, she went to pack up the animals to get them back to the lab before someone had an aneurysm about the missing animals and the fact that she still had the car. She spoke with Doctor Wong while putting her things away because the woman seemed to like to check up on her. Kim bet it was because her father wanted information about what she was doing in Go City.

"So, what are you doing now, aside for working on your doctorate?" Doctor Wong asked the petite redhead.

"I'm going to finish working on my math masters, I'm taking chem. classes now and some other stuff. Not to mention, there's my photography," Kim answered.

"You're going to be in school for the rest of your life," the Asian woman commented with a laugh.

"Well, I do love math, so I just couldn't give it up and a lot of things come up when studying reptiles that make me wish I had a deeper knowledge beyond biology. Besides, biology sort of leaks into chemistry. I mean, they are linked," the younger woman replied. She actually just enjoyed science and she figured that she would just learn as much about it as she could.

"I suppose. Your father is still hoping that you join him at the space center one day," the older woman pointed out.

"Well, unless you have a reptile wing, I don't think that's going to happen," the redhead remarked. Yeah, she liked science, but she had picked her career and she was going to stick with it because she was loving it.

"You should do what makes you happy. I'm sure he'll like to know you're happy and okay since those are usually the first two things that he asks me after I get back to Middleton," Doctor Wong informed the hero with a warm smile.

"Sorry that he bugs you. I don't know why he asks so much," Kim apologized with a sheepish look on her face.

"You're his daughter. He worries," Doctor Wong pointed out. She thought that it was adorable that Kim always apologized and always had a very ashamed expression to go along with it. She knew that the redhead was sincere every time that she did it, but it was still a fascinating and cute thing.

"Well, I'm fine. There's nothing to worry about. I'm doing the school thing, got a place to live, and I haven't lost a limb yet," Kim stated with a small smile.

"You don't have children, Kim. You wouldn't understand," Doctor Wong countered.

Kim could only shrug because she did not have children and she did not know. She did not know why her father worried so much that he pestered Doctor Wong for information about her. She did not understand why her parents worried about her point blank. She was all right and her parents should know that; she could do anything, after all. So, she was all right.

-----------------------

Next time: Kim and Shego are introduced to a new annoyance that just won't go away.


	9. Gag Nine: Spring broke

I don't own these characters and I don't own this premise.

This story now has two, count them TWO betareaders, which means if there are mistakes, the last person who is at fault is me...right? Well, if not, there are still two betas to catch my idiotic mistakes.

Gag Nine: Spring broke

_Everything seems fine. My pet is acting like a brat as usual and everything is just like it's supposed to be. That's good to know. I was sick of annoying things happening anyway. Why do I get the feeling that thought's going to come back and bite me in the ass?_

"Pumpkin, do you have classes today?" Shego asked as her pet rushed to the table for breakfast. The redhead nearly fell over in her chair because of the speed that she used to run to her place and the momentum moved the chair. Shego caught her and put her back on balance because the action happened at least a couple of times a week and she was used to it.

"No," Kim answered as she dug into her stack of three waffles, which were covered in butter and syrup already. If her food was not made in a fashion that she could just consume it automatically without having to do anything to it, she had a habit of whining about it. So, to avoid that noise, Shego always prepared the meals to her pet's liking where her monster did not have to open her mouth for anything more than shoveling grub into it.

"No? It's Tuesday," the pale woman pointed out. She knew her little monster better than she let on and she knew her girl's schedule just as well as she knew her own. So, she was aware that on Tuesday her elf should have to leave the house about an hour after she did to get to her first class of the day.

"Spring break," Kim replied with her mouth full of breakfast. There was syrup on the side of her mouth, which her mistress wiped away with a napkin. The redhead had expected as much.

"Really? Then you're off all week?" the pale woman asked in a tone that sounded almost like fear. Really, who knew what her pet might do with so much time on her hands. The apartment might end up being a zoo, or worse yet, the apartment might end up being burnt down.

"Uh-huh." Kim nodded for emphasis. A whole week and she did not have anything really planned for it. Her friends were all going on romantic getaways, so she could not hang out with them.

"Don't waste it sleeping on the couch," Shego ordered, although she wanted to add to that command, but she decided to wait and see where her pet's mind was at before dishing out more orders.

"All right. Can I bring some animals in the house then?" the redhead requested.

"No," the green-skinned woman answered. She knew that the kid was going to just bug out and to think, she had a week of time on her hands. The apartment might not survive at all, Shego considered.

"C'mon!" the college student begged.

"No," was the sharp reply.

"Just a couple of snakes."

"No." It was in the same tone as the last answer and was about as blunt as a baseball bat.

"One dwarf caiman," Kim bargained.

"No."

"A baby alligator," the hero offered.

"No."

"One frog."

"What part of 'no' aren't you getting?" Shego inquired while wondering where her munchkin got her bartering skills from. And to think, the kid actually partially lived through making deals with people.

"The part of why I can't do it. You never let me do anything!" the redhead whined loudly and pounded on the table a couple of times with her fists.

"Stop that. You can get the mail for me later. There, you've done something," Shego replied as if that would satisfy her hyper imp.

The slender adventurer pouted; ah, well, she would just have to waste away on the sofa for a week when not being run around by Wade. Yeah, right, her mind scoffed. She would actually just have to sneak some animals into the apartment and hopefully get rid of them before her mistress found out. That sounded much more like the way that she would actually spend her week; it definitely sounded much more pleasant and fun than sleeping on the sofa, waiting for Wade to give her a ring.

Shego grabbed her keys since she was leaving for work. Kim walked her mistress to the door while being ordered to finish her breakfast. She kissed Shego goodbye on the cheek and then returned to her food while Shego hardly made it three feet from her door before she was being held up. For once, it was not her pet's fault, but it was still annoying. Maybe even more so than when her pet held her up because her pet was expected to be a brat, she believed.

"Good morning to you," a woman standing in Shego's way greeted her.

The woman was blocking the pale martial artist's path and getting on her always-raw nerves. The woman had a pleasant enough smile on her face, which looked a bit done up. She spoke with a light Texan accent and that let Shego know the woman was not from the city, but she figured that out just from the fact that the woman had greeted a stranger; no one in Go City would think to do such a thing. The woman had sky blue eyes and sandy brown hair. She was wearing small, circular spectacles while being dressed in a black skirt and a red blazer.

"Uh…yeah," Shego said in response to the good morning greeting and she was about to push past the strange woman, but she continued talking for some reason that Shego could not see.

"I'm Anita Crocket," the woman announced.

"Yeah, that's nice that you know who you are," the moss-hued woman commented in a very disinterested tone.

"I just bought the building."

"Good for you," Shego remarked, not like she cared. What did she care who owned the building? Her apartment was totally paid for and everything was in working order.

"I'm trying to get to know all the tenants around here. I'd like to be on friendly terms with everyone. I do believe you're Shego."

"Sorry, but you don't win the prize just for knowing who I am. Look, as much as I'd like to stand here and continue to not give a damn about what you're talking about, I've got a job to get to," Shego stated and she finally pushed by the woman to go down the stairs.

The raven-haired officer did not even bother to think about why the new landlady knew who she was without a proper introduction. She was infamous in the building and around town. It did not help matters that she had a very distinctive look to her, but she did not care that Anita Crocket knew who she was.

The new building owner watched the green-skinned woman as she left. She had heard quite a bit about the raven-haired female and not just from people around the building, but around all of Go City. She was as rude as people made her out to be; Anita Crocket could only wonder if the other things that she heard about the pale woman were true. And she had heard some things.

--------------------------

Kim glanced at the time and noticed that the mail had probably been delivered by now. She rolled off of the couch and figured once she grabbed the mail, she would go out and do something with herself. She grabbed a banana to eat on her way downstairs and absently wondered if she was as greedy as it was starting to seem. She did not remember eating as much when she lived in her parents' house as she was now did with Shego. She trotted downstairs to the mailbox and fetched the mail as ordered. She turned back to go to the apartment and nearly ran over the blue-eyed woman that held her mistress up earlier in the day.

"Oh, excuse me," the redhead begged the woman's pardon in a very polite tone.

"No problem. I'm Anita Crocket. I just bought the building. Who are you?" the brunette woman inquired curiously, but also in a friendly manner.

"Kim Possible," the hero stated.

"Nice to meet you. Picking up some mail I see," Anita commented to make conversation. She glanced down at the mail and noticed that the name on the envelopes was not the one the redhead had given.

"Yeah," the olive-eyed girl answered; she was not sure what else to say. What she was doing was obvious after all.

"So, how is Go City? This is my first time here," the landlady commented.

"You bought a building in a place that you've never been before?" Kim asked in a puzzled tone. People with money did weird things sometimes, she thought.

"Yes, sometimes I do things on a whim," the older woman answered in a lighthearted tone with a pleasant smile. She seemed like a very sweet and affable female.

"Well, I know how that is," Kim remarked with a smile of her own. Whims were definitely something that she could understand.

"So, maybe you could tell me about Go City," Anita Crocket requested.

"It's a nice place to live. Sometimes weird things happen, but nothing too serious. They've got a lot of things to interest a wide range of people. I mean, this city has just about everything. I wouldn't recommend going outside at night alone, though," Kim replied.

"Well, then, it must be hard for a young lady like you to have an active social life. I hope you've got a big fellow to protect you."

The slender hero almost laughed, but she held it in. She did not think that people still thought that women needed big guys to protect them. She decided against saying anything about that and just decided to continue being nice and polite since the landlord was being that way.

"Well, I'm not alone, I can promise you that one," the young lady replied and then she finished her banana. "Well, I need to go throw this out and get going anyway. Nice meeting you, ma'am," she said very politely and she charged back upstairs after Miss Crocket bid her farewell.

The blue-eyed woman was rather intrigued by that girl picking up Shego's mail. Hmm, she wondered if that was the little redhead that people had been telling her about. She had heard that an adorable, petite redhead lived with Shego from the building's other tenants. No one was sure who the girl was, but many speculated that she was some kind of sex slave or something of the like. They had claimed to have seen Shego pulling the girl around on a leash and stated that sometimes the girl could be seen wearing a dog collar. They also noted that it seemed like Shego was hiding the fact that the girl stayed with her most of the time. They did not know what to make of it, but that did not stop them from talking about it. Well, Anita planned to get to the bottom of things; she did not want perverts in her building.

--------------------------

Shego made her way to her apartment door, wanting nothing more than to take a hot shower and snuggle with her pet to relieve the stress of the day. She planned to pet Kim's head until the pest had a bald spot from all of the attention. She pulled out her keys and was just about to get into the apartment when she was halted by someone saying her name. She turned to see who it was and found that it was the new landlord.

"Why me?" Shego wondered. Really, what had she done that been so bad that she had to be irked every second of the day when she was not in the house? She obviously had not taken a liking to the new building owner.

"Good evening, Shego," Miss Crocket greeted the raven-haired female.

"Yeah, it was," the emerald-eyed woman replied in a rather curt tone.

"I heard some noises coming from your apartment earlier. I thought that you were home already," the brunette female informed Shego. It seemed like she had not taken notice of the moss-hued woman's attitude, even though she had. She was still being courteous because she thought that it might help change the way the officer acted toward her; she obvious did not know much about Shego to think that.

"If there was a merciful God, I'd be home already," the pale woman quipped. She wondered how many lines it would take to get rid of Miss Crocket.

"I was wondering if you had a dog or a cat or something that could've been making that noise. It sounded very serious."

"No, I don't," Shego stated and then she frowned. She wondered what her moronic pet might have done to be making a bunch of noise. She hoped that the olive-eyed imp had not blown something up or broken anything. Oh, she hated spring break with a passion and it had only just begun. She could only wonder what her monster would do for the rest of the week.

"Really? I wonder what was making all that noise. I hope no one broke in," Miss Crocket said as if she was truly concerned with the inside of the apartment.

"I doubt it, but if it gets me away from you, I should go check it out."

Shego escaped into her apartment and then she was attacked by her possibly-in-trouble pet. Kim hit her harder than she had planned to and they fell back against the door because of the force. Shego snorted in anger while Kim grinned as if she was proud of herself; hey, it was a good tackle.

"The hell?" Shego managed to cough out after she recovered from the blow. She hoped that landlady was not still standing outside or she would want to know what was going on; not that the emerald-eyed female would tell her what was going on.

"I was wondering when you were going to come in, so you threw off my timing by staying in the hall for a while," the adventurer explained.

"It wasn't my fault. What have you been doing in here?" the green-skinned woman asked while petting Kim's head. It was apparent that she was no longer upset about being tackled so roughly only seconds ago. It felt good to caress that red mane and it calmed the older woman down somewhat.

"Nothing much," the younger woman answered.

"I was just told that a lot of noise has been coming from in here. What's the deal?" Shego demanded to know.

"Oh…um…well…" Kim trailed off because they both knew that she was no good at lying, especially to people that knew her well and her master knew her very well.

"You had an animal in here, didn't you?" Shego guessed. She just knew her girl.

"Only one," Kim answered as if that was some sort of a defense. She knew that the number would not matter to her mistress.

"What the hell did I say this morning?" the older female demanded to know. It was like her brat did not hear her when she set rules down.

"You said I couldn't bring some animals. You didn't say I couldn't bring in one," the slender hero argued.

"Yes, I did!"

"No, you said I couldn't bring in some animals, a couple of snakes, a dwarf caiman, a baby alligator, and a frog. So, I didn't bring in any of those," Kim explained.

The moss-hued female sighed; her pet was just too much. "Okay, fine. What animal did you have in here?" she asked, even though she really did not want to know.

"A monkey," the redheaded scientist answered with a smile. She found that it best to always be proud of the wrong things around her master. It got her out of trouble for some reason that she could not figure out.

"A monkey?" Shego sighed again. "Since when do you like primates?" she inquired for lack of a better thing to ask.

"Always. I like animals. I like living things. I'm a biologist," Kim pointed out.

"Fine, where's the monkey now?" the green-skinned officer inquired with another sigh because she thought with the way her little monster worked, the monkey could still be in the apartment, possibly in the closet or in the loft. She really did not want a filthy, smelly monkey in the apartment.

"With a vet," the redhead answered.

"A vet?"

"Yeah, when I found him, his arm as all funny," Kim answered while bending her arm to illustrate her point.

"Funny broken, you mean?" Shego inquired while looking at the way her pet had her limb.

"Yeah, funny broken," the olive-eyed scientist confirmed.

"And when he's not at the vet anymore?" Shego asked because she wanted to see if her munchkin was planning to bring the filthy primate back to the apartment. Damn spring break, she silently cursed. She needed her pet to not be idle all morning and afternoon because that just meant that she would be in the house all day, messing things up.

"Probably the zoo. It'll be better than being dead, which he would've been," the younger woman answered.

"So, what the hell was he doing here?" the pale woman demanded to know. Sometimes her girl just hurt her head.

"I had to wait for a little while because the vet wasn't in, so I came back home," the slim adventurer explained.

"Princess, no more animals. Go to the lab, take some photos in a jungle, hell, go bug out with your nutty friends, anything that doesn't involve you bringing shit in here that is classified as living," the apartment owner commanded.

The redhead pouted; so, what was she supposed to do with herself if she could not sneak animals into the apartment? Her friends were out of the country and busy with their respective mates, so she could not "go bug out" with them. Well, she could take some pictures of animals like her mistress suggested, but that was not the same thing was having them in the house. How did her master know about her monkey anyway?

"Um…who told you I had an animal in here?" Kim asked curiously as her owner started walking toward the bedroom.

"The landlady said she heard noises in here. Oh, and be sure to keep clear of her. She's nosy as hell," Shego replied. She concluded the woman was nosy for the simple fact that she had run into her twice in one day and the woman already knew who she was the first time that they had seen each other without Shego saying a word.

"I met her already," Kim informed her mistress, who stopped dead in her tracks.

"You met her?" Shego inquired while turning around to look at her pet.

"Yeah, when I went to get the mail."

"What did you say to her?" the pale female asked.

The last thing that Shego wanted was for some busybody to get into her business because she happened to share an apartment with a girl that walked around in collars sometimes and just acted plain bizarre more often than not. It did not help matters that Kim sometimes just blurted out that she was a pet, even though she insisted that she only told her friends that information. Really, she just did not like the new landlord and she did not trust the woman, so she would prefer her monster stay away from her.

"I just introduced myself and I told her a few things about the city," the petite hero replied.

"Good. Don't talk to her anymore. She's a nosy broad," the cranky female stated.

"She seemed all right."

"Pumpkin," Shego growled to show her pet that she was being serious. She really did not want that blue-eyed woman to have an excuse to bother her.

"Fine, I won't talk to her anymore," Kim yielded. Lord, her mistress was so grumpy, which was just the way that she liked Shego.

The redhead did not see what was so wrong with the new landlord. She seemed nice to a certain extent; after all, the woman had ratted her out about her monkey and that was not very nice. She would try her best to not talk to the blue-eyed woman if that was what her master wanted. It was no skin off her nose; it was not like she was friends with the landlady after all.

-------(New Day)

Kim exited the apartment. She turned around and ran right into the landlady. She had managed to avoid the woman for the past couple of days by exiting in her preferred manner, which was out of the windows in the hallway, but apparently, she could not do that now unless she wanted the woman to start asking all sorts of questions later on and she knew that her mistress would hate that. She smiled politely at Miss Crocket and greeted her good day in the same manner.

"Good morning to you too. I haven't seen you in a couple of days," Miss Crocket noted with a smile, as if to cover something up, which Kim noticed.

"Yeah, I've been busy," the slender adventurer replied. She was not lying, but then again, she was always busy.

"Busy?" the older woman inquired as if it was not humanly plausible for Kim to have had things to do. She did wonder what the younger woman might be up to; she did not see how a kid could be really busy.

"Yeah."

"What do you do?" the landlord asked. She considered that either Kim was an exceptional kid or that she was making things up about being busy; she wanted to see which one it was.

"Some of everything," the redhead answered honestly.

"I can see how you're busy then. I mean, that must be tiring," the brunette said as if she was humoring Kim, which did not go by the olive-eyed hero.

Kim pondered for a brief moment what Miss Crocket thought that she was. She did do just about a bit of everything. She bet that she did more in a day than the landlord did in a year. It was not like she was lazy punk…okay, wait, she was sort of that, but only when she was in the apartment and under her master's watchful eye, but it was not even like Miss Crocket knew that. The building owner did not know a thing about her, so Kim did not think that it was right for her to judge her and treat her like some bummy kid.

"I just noticed that's an interesting necklace you've got there," Miss Crocket commented, which threw the college student's thoughts off and got her to thinking about other things.

Necklace, Kim wondered. What necklace was she wearing? Oh, right, she had gone back to wearing her collar because she was just a pet; she was sporting the green one. She wished that she had not thrown the black on in the trash a little while ago when she had been an emotional wreck because the black one matched with more of her clothes and stood out a bit less. Well, at least she could play it off like it was a fashion choice and not an actual pet collar. She supposed it was a very good thing that Shego no longer yanked her around on a leash or one day they might have an awkward moment when running into Miss Crocket.

"Yeah, it's interesting I guess," Kim conceded.

"It looks a lot like a dog collar," Miss Crocket said.

"It's a choker. My friend thought it looked cool on me, so I keep wearing it. Oh, if you don't mind, I need to get going. I don't want to be late," the redhead replied.

Miss Crocket bid the hero farewell and Kim trotted off. She wondered if the girl was actually wearing a pet collar; people had told her that Kim could be seen in dog collars sometimes. She noticed that the young lady had come out of Shego's apartment, so she more than likely lived with the rude pale woman. Was Shego really keeping that kid as a sex slave? She had to find out. She needed to know. She just would not stand for perverts in her building.

-----------------------

Next time: Miss Crocket continues to interact with Kim and Shego, much to their dismay, not that Miss Crocket will be having fun in the exchange either.


	10. Gag Ten: Slither

I don't own these characters or this premise.

Gag Ten: Slither

_This Spring break is not going according to plan, although they hardly ever have since I met my mistress. Usually, I want to spend my time with her, trying to do…well…things, naughty things. This time, I didn't even have those sort of things planned because I am now just a pet and I accept that; really, I do. I just wanted to have some fun with some animals without my mistress finding out. Is that too much to ask?_

Kim snickered to herself as she made it the apartment door. Oh, she wished that she had a double in order to high-five herself to celebrate how she planned to get away with her naughtiest thing that she had done…well, that week anyway. She was certain that she had done and would do worse things at some point in time, but at the moment, she was at the top of her game. All she had to do was get into the apartment and have one minute alone and everything would be done. She would have gotten away with the perfect crime. She smiled like the cat that ate the cannery because of that thought.

"Kim," Anita Crocket, the new building landlord said, which caused the redhead to jump in surprise.

"Miss Crocket!" Kim squeaked. Oh, great, the last person that she needed to run into was the person that ratted her out to her mistress the last time.

"Hello, so what's that there?" the older woman inquired while noticing that the hero had a bag in her hand.

"What's what?" Kim asked as if she had no idea what Miss Crocket was going on about. The girl figured that she was going to have to take some lessons in lying if she was going to keep running into the landlady. She could lie, of course, but since she usually tried not to, she was slow with things when it came to most people.

"That bag," the Texan answered.

"What bag?" the college student asked. She just blatantly had a bag in her hand, which she was now attempting to hide behind her back. She hoped to the heavens that the bag's contents did not bite her through the cloth or they were going to be having a very awkward moment, about a billion times more awkward than the one they were having already.

"The bag that's in your hand. What is that?" the building owner inquired.

"Um…" Kim searched her mind for an answer that was not exactly the truth, but was not exactly a lie. Nothing really came to mind aside for the very childish response of "none of your business" and she just could not say that because of how rude it would be. So, it seemed that she had nothing. It did not come to her mind that she did not have to answer the woman.

"How about you show me?" Miss Crocket suggested, sounding friendly and everything.

"You really don't want to see," Kim promised the Texan.

Anita Crocket raised a curious, elegant eyebrow. She wondered what was in the bag, especially since the redhead was so unwilling to show it. Possibly something perverse was in the bag, she considered, since she had been told that Kim was Shego's sex slave. She wondered how she could get the girl to show her the contents of the bag to see what kind of disgusting items she might be carrying.

"Why won't you just let me see?" the blue-eyed female inquired, still sounding very affable and courteous.

"You really don't want to," the energetic adventurer tried to assure the older woman and she really needed to get into the apartment before her mistress got home from work.

"Princess!" Shego barked as she came up the stairs and saw that her monster was holding a suspicious-looking tan sack.

Damn it, the redheaded hero mentally cursed; she was in for it now. So much for the perfect crime and for getting away with something; she guessed that it was a good thing that she did not have a double or it would just be twice the trouble. She was so close, though. She was inches away from pulling off the perfect crime.

"Shego!" Kim grinned nervously. She was so dead. So very dead.

"Cut the smiling. I hate to ask because I can guess, but what's in the fucking bag?" the pale woman inquired because she was fairly certain that the contents were living and probably scaly. She was also leaning toward it being limbless with the way her pet worked.

"Um … a surprise?" Kim guessed that was a safe answer.

"Don't lie to me. Is that another snake?" Shego sighed.

"If I say yes, am I going to have to get rid of it?" the olive-eyed female inquired.

"Hells yeah!" Shego answered the obvious.

"Um….well, how would you define snake?" the redhead asked in a curious tone. Maybe stalling would get her somewhere, she considered. She might be able to think of something clever to at least avoid getting into trouble.

"Does she really have a snake in that bag?" Miss Crocket inquired with a frightened expression on her face. Snakes bothered her, like they did most people.

"I define snake as a certain hardheaded brat that'll be sleeping on the street if there's a serpent in that fucking bag that's not getting the hell out of here right now," Shego declared in a slightly heated tone.

"But, it's not even a big one," Kim argued.

"Meaning it's just poisonous as hell," the moss-hued woman commented.

"Well, it is a little poisonous," the adventurer conceded on that point.

"Meaning it's very poisonous," the raven-haired woman translated, knowing that her pet spoke her own special brand of English.

"It's just a fifteen foot cobra," Kim admitted, which showed that her mistress was right about her speaking her own special language and Miss Crocket gasped because of the confession. Shego's expression did not change because she was very used to such shenanigans now.

"Get it out of here now!" the green-skinned female commanded.

"I was going to…tomorrow," Kim admitted in a mumble.

"Now!"

The young scientist pouted, even though she was aware that was not going to get her anywhere. "I'm going, I'm going. It's not every day you get to take a fifteen-foot cobra from an abusive owner, though," she argued.

"I'll show you an abusive owner. I don't want to hear the cobra's fucking life story either. Get out of here now," the raven-haired officer ordered.

The typically enthusiastic redhead continued to mope as she started for the stairs. She was so close to getting to have the cobra for the night. She had returned the snake after it had gotten free from a very tiny cage in a guy's dirty garage. It had not bitten anyone and she had caught it fairly easily; the reason behind that in her opinion was because it was weak and sickly. She was just going to hold onto it for the night and then take it to the zoo in the morning. The lab at her school had no real use for another cobra after all and she wanted the reptile to have a good home.

"That was an interesting exchange," Miss Crocket said to Shego.

"She's a dumb kid," the moss-hued female replied as she went to put her keys in the apartment door to get away from the landlady. The last thing she wanted was to be annoyed further, especially by someone that she did not particularly like.

"What in the world was she doing with a cobra?"

"She likes her work too much," Shego answered. Yeah, her brat certainly did like her work too much because it seemed that she could not help bringing it home every now and then.

"So, she lives with you?" Miss Crocket asked, even though she had figured that much out only after a couple of days of being in the building.

"She lives in her head," Shego replied as she opened the door. "Goodnight," she said very briskly as she entered her apartment and shut the door before getting a response. She sighed once she was safe in her home. What was she supposed to do with that kid? That loopy kid was actually going to bring a cobra into the apartment. What was she supposed to do with a crazy brat like that?

----------------------

"Did you get rid of that snake?" Shego called as she heard the front door open and close. She was in the kitchen, preparing dinner.

"Yes, ma'am," Kim answered in a dead tone, as if she was looking for sympathy, even though she knew that it was never going to come. She figured that if she persisted enough, one day, Shego would have to show her some sympathy because, as a pet, she was such a pathetic creature.

"Go shower and change then," the master ordered.

"Yes, ma'am," the redhead replied in the same tone as before.

"And stop making it sound like I shot and ate your puppy. You know the rules," Shego added.

Kim made a face, which she was lucky her mistress did not see; of course, she knew the rules. Just because the rules stated that she should not do something did not mean anything to her. After all, the rules still stated that she could not touch her mistress without permission, that she could not sleep in her mistress' bed ever, and that she should not talk back when told to do something. To her, the rules were mere suggestions and she picked the ones that she liked to obey at the moment. Considering all of the rules that there were, she had broken each and every one of them more than once and would again sometime in the future; hey, sometimes, she broke all of the rules in less than a week.

The slender redhead did as she was ordered to do, namely shower and change her clothes, and then went to have some dinner to start off their routine for the night. After the meal, she and her mistress settled down on the sofa to do some lounging before they were going to go to bed. They watched a movie while Shego caress her pet's scalp.

"Hey, Shego, does the landlady creep you out a little?" Kim inquired out of the blue, it seemed. It was something that she had been thinking about for the past couple of days.

"Why?" the apartment owner countered.

"Because she's always just popping up out of nowhere. Doesn't it seem a bit freakish?"

"You're calling someone a freak?" the pale woman teased with a small, teasing smile.

"I just think it's weird. I mean, she does seem nice and all, but she just pops up out of nowhere in front of the door or something and I just thought it was a little creepy," the younger woman explained.

"She's just a nosy broad. You probably don't see her coming because you're always focused on something else when you're running out of here. Don't let it bother you," Shego stated.

"I'm not," Kim replied.

"Okay then."

Shego silently admitted that the landlord was a bit creepy, but she was certain that it was only because the woman was nosy. Actually, the building owner seemed to be stalking Shego and her pet; the raven-haired officer could not see the reason behind that, though. They were not so special, Shego convinced herself. They were not interesting at all in her opinion, mostly because she was so used to having a human being for a pet and for said pet to be eccentric by anyone's standards. To her, it was not even as fascinating as it sounded. Her pet was just like any other pet, except that she could talk.

Her pet did mischievous things that got her scolded like other pets. Her pet brought home things that she did not want in the apartment. Her pet greeted her at the door and was happy being around her. Her pet enjoyed being pampered and cuddled. It was all normal pet behavior, so she did not see why the landlord was stuck on them.

-----------(New Day)

Kim was exiting the apartment, as if she was sneaking out of the place. She checked the hall from the doorway. The coast was clear as far as she could tell. She tiptoed out of the apartment and quietly closed the door. She turned to make her getaway and ran right into the woman that she was attempting to avoid. Damn it, she silently cursed. The woman that she was looking to avoid was right in her face and it was not her mistress for once.

"Miss Crocket, hi," Kim pretended to grin politely. She was actually a bit unnerved. She was starting to believe that the brunette woman could move through shadows or some other mystic action because of the way that she just seemed to appear out of thin air. Ninjas made more noise than that woman and she knew that to be a fact because she knew ninjas; hey, she could be classified as a ninja and she made more noise than the older woman.

"Good morning, Kim," Miss Crocket smiled sweetly. It was a sickeningly sweet expression that made Kim's skin crawl.

"Um….yeah," the redhead said for lack of a better thing.

"It's rather late in the morning for you to just be heading out. Won't you be late for work?" Miss Crocket inquired. She was not sure if the petite hero was employed or not, but she figured that she was about to find out.

"No job," Kim replied casually while trying her best to ease toward the stairs and escape the landlady without being blatant about her movements. She had never been so nervous around a person that could not harm her, but there was something about Miss Crocket that just was not right.

"No? Well, what do you do with your time?" the blue-eyed woman inquired, still speaking in her usual pleasant tone. She had been certain that Kim had no occupation at all, but she wondered why the girl always seemed to be in a rush when she saw her. The redhead was a strange one.

"A little of everything," the elfish adventurer answered honestly while still inching her way toward those wonderful steps.

"Really? Sounds interesting. Maybe you can tell me about it," Miss Crocket requested.

"I don't really have the time," Kim answered.

The slim explorer then turned to get away, but she had failed to notice how close she managed to make it to the stairs. She yelped as she went tumbling sideways down the staircase. She fell down all four flights and lay at the bottom of the stairs with a dazed look in her olive green eyes. Miss Crocket jogged down to dizzy scientist to make sure the young woman had not injured herself.

"Smooth move, Possible," Kim berated herself mentally. She could not believe that she allowed that woman to bother her so deeply that she did not even see how close she was to some stairs. She was really off of her game thanks to the building owner.

"Kim, my goodness, are you all right?" Miss Crocket asked.

"Fine," the slender student answered as she sat up and rubbed the back of her head.

"Here, let me help you up," the landlady offered.

"No, I've got it," Kim assured the older woman.

The eccentric hero climbed to her feet and caught a wince as she stood up right. Great, she had sprained her ankle slightly in that fall, just great. It should be all right as long as she did not do anything taxing on it, she figured. But then again, what were the odds of her not doing something taxing? She had better get going before she did something else incredibly stupid and really injure herself.

"Look, I've got to get going. See you later, Miss Crocket," Kim said and she almost fled the scene, but she controlled herself and left in a civil manner. She walked with a bit of a limp, but she escaped out of the building. That woman really freaked her out.

Kim was actually starting to get annoyed with the polite landlady. She had never met someone so interested in her life; her parents were less intrusive than that woman was. Hell, she bet that spies were less intrusive. Miss Crocket always wanted to know where she going, where she was coming from, why she was leaving or coming in at the hour she did, if she had a job, how she made a living, who was she out with, what she was doing in Shego's apartment by herself, and a billion other things that were far from her business. Damn it, her mistress did not ask a quarter of the questions that Miss Crocket asked.

Miss Crocket was still looking for evidence to tell her Kim's relationship to Shego; more to the point, if Kim was, in fact, Shego's sex slave, which was the big rumor around the building. Almost everyone talked about how the little redhead was the pale woman's sex slave and all sorts of wild things that the pair did in and out of the apartment. Some of the things were so bizarre and disgusting that she was stunned that people would repeat them.

The landlady was not so sure about the major rumor or the things surrounding the rumor because all she had was that Kim wore a collar and lived with the green-skinned crank of an officer. Other than that, she concluded that Kim was just a very peculiar young woman with no job, yet she was always dashing in and out of the apartment. She did not rule out that the girl might be a sex slave or even a prostitute or something because of the rumors and the fact that Kim sometimes seemed to keep strange hours.

Shego was not as puzzling as Kim was, as far as Miss Crocket was concerned. She was a rude and bossy woman, who did order around the little redhead quite a bit. She thought that Shego treated Kim more like a badly behaved child than a sex slave. But, she still did not rule out the possibility because in her opinion, the rumor had to come from somewhere. Something that the pair did together had to give birth to the notion that they were in some kind of peculiar, kinky relationship. She was not sure how she could confirm their relationship to each other, though.

------------------------

"Princess, is this a knot on your head?" Shego asked because she was caressing her pet's scalp and she was running into a speed bump it seemed.

"Probably," Kim answered as if it was nothing for her to have a lump on her skull.

"Well, how'd you probably get it?" the emerald-eyed woman inquired curiously.

"I fell down the stairs," the redhead admitted while holding in a yawn. Getting her head caressed had to be a sin, she concluded, because it felt so damn good.

"What stairs?"

"The building stairs," Kim answered.

"All of them?" the pale woman inquired. Part of her was saying that her pet was not dumb enough to fall down all of the front stairs and another part of her was saying that, of course, her pet fell down all the stairs because whenever Kim did something stupid, she had to do it all of the way stupid. Her pet did not believe in half-assed stupidity.

"Yup," the olive-eyed female confirmed. See, her pet never did anything dumb halfway.

"How'd you manage that one?" Shego asked.

"I wasn't watching where I was going," the scientist confessed with a pout. She thought that maybe if she played it up, she might get some attention for being hurt.

"Why?"

"The creepy landlady was talking to me," the redhead replied. Just thinking about that woman made her skin crawl.

The emerald-eyed martial artist frowned; she was really sick of Miss Crocket. The woman was constantly pestering her little monster; the brunette woman had quickly learned that bothering Shego only got rude words tossed her way, especially early in the morning, so she stopped bothering with the pale female. She was going to have to give that woman a nice-sized piece of her mind to keep her away from her munchkin.

So, the next day, when Shego was leaving for work and she knew that she was going to run into that nosy broad, she figured that she would give that blue-eyed bimbo a fair warning to keep her away from Kim. Just as she banked on, as soon as she stepped out of the door, she ran into Miss Crocket. The woman greeted the officer as she always did in the morning and she was probably surprised when Shego did not respond by giving her the finger; it was the first time that the action did not follow a greeting since they met.

"Miss Crocket, could I talk to you for a moment?" Shego requested as if she actually planned to be civil about the whole affair.

"Of course," the building owner replied.

"Look, maybe you're just trying to be friendly or maybe you're trying to drive the kid nuts or maybe you're just trying to murder her, I'm not sure which it is. I don't really give a damn which it is to tell you the plain truth. I don't know why you feel it necessary to grill her every fucking time she steps out of the fucking door, but cut that shit out. Stop trying to get into her business. She has shit to do and doesn't need you holding her up," the green-skinned woman stated. She was not sure how else to put it to make sure that there were no misunderstandings. She wanted Miss Crocket to stay the hell away from her pet.

"Excuse me?" Miss Crocket said in a very insulted tone. How dare Shego take such a tone with her!

"Leave the kid the fuck alone," the super-powered woman clarified herself even more so than before.

"You claim she has things to do, like what? She doesn't even have a job," the landlady countered as if that was an excuse for her behavior to continue.

"No, doy, she doesn't have a job. She's got a billion jobs. She's doing about a hundred times more than the both of us combined, so she's always in a rush. Stop bothering her and let her do her thing. And just for the record, even if she didn't have a job, that doesn't give you any right to hold her up," the pale woman riposted.

"What does it matter if I talk to her? You don't have control over her. Unless she's your little sister or something," the blue-eyed woman retorted.

"Look, she's my fucking responsibility, so when you make her late, it pisses me off. When you distract her already jumbled mind and she falls down a flight of stairs, it pisses me off. So, leave her the fuck alone. You're not doing her any good," the raven-haired female stated plainly.

"You've got a lot of nerve talking to me like that," Miss Crocket said with some anger in her voice. She could buy and sell Shego's pasty green ass if she felt like it.

"You've got a lot of nerve sticking your pointed nose where it doesn't belong. So, fuck off," the officer replied.

"You know I could have you thrown out of here anytime I get the urge," the landlord declared.

If Shego was not so irked at the moment, she would have smirked at the statement and laughed at it like the joke it was. She just rolled her emerald eyes, though, because it was all she could do to show amusement while being so bothered. She could not believe that the Texan had just tried to threaten her with something so flimsy.

"I'd like to see you try," she dared the older woman.

"You think because you're a police officer you can do anything you want," Miss Crocket said.

"No, that's not it. That's far from the reason. You'll find out pretty easily why you'd need a lot of clout to get me thrown out on the streets in this city. But, feel free to try. It should keep you from bothering the kid for a while and I don't have to worry about the little moron falling down anymore stairs and getting knots on her empty head," Shego remarked.

The pale officer then walked off to get to work; since she was already so annoyed, she did not need her boss in her ass for being late. She hoped that her landlady did leave Kim alone and she also wished that the woman would attempt to throw her out without a very good reason. That would be a nice, time-consuming battle, not to mention a losing effort on Miss Crocket's end. Shego, while being a bitch by any measure, had done the city a lot of good since she joined Doctor Director's department and many city officials recognized that, especially since she had saved a majority of their hides at least once. Besides, there were worse fates than dealing with Shego if they did allow her to be kicked out. There was the chance of having to deal with her mother and no one wanted that horrible fate.

-----------------------

Kim stuck her head out of the apartment. She glanced up the hall and then she glanced down the hall, which was being a habit of hers. The coast looked clear, which she knew was how it always looked. She crept out of the apartment and she shut the door as silently as humanly possible. She turned around and was surprised to see that no one was there. She rubbed her head in a puzzled manner and then shrugged. She decided to not chance things and was about to go out one of the hall windows when she was halted.

"Good morning, Kim," Miss Crocket greeted her.

The petite scientist turned and saw that the older woman was smiling at her. The redhead forced out a smile of her own; she knew that it was just too good to be true. She was never going to make it out of the apartment without being stopped by that woman ever again.

"Good morning," Kim forced the words out, managing to sound polite, even though she was irked and unnerved. How did the woman just appear out of nowhere like that? It was so creepy.

"You're headed out earlier than usual. Running some errands?" the Texan woman guessed.

"Trying not to be late," the redhead answered.

"For what?"

"Class."

"Oh, so you go to school. What are you studying?" the landlord inquired.

"A little bit of everything," Kim replied and she was only slightly exaggerating her point. She was studying all kinds of things now that she did not feel any pressure about what she do career wise. "I gotta get going," she said and she dashed off before the woman could say anything else.

Miss Crocket bid farewell to Kim's back pretty much. She thought on what she just learned. All right, so the girl claimed to be in school, but she was still walking around in that dog collar. She kept strange hours for a school kid too. She also did not seem particularly bright for a school kid.

The building owner wanted to know what was going on and she obviously was not going to let Shego intimidate her from finding out. She did think that Shego's behavior added to her leaning toward something foul going on between her and Kim; it seemed apparent to Miss Crocket that Shego did not want her poking around. It was more than likely because she had something to hide, the blue-eyed woman concluded. Well, she would find out soon and resolve the issues because she just would not stand for having perverts in her building.

------------------------

Next time: the return of…Junior.


	11. Gag Eleven: Pain in the neck

I don't own these characters and I don't own this premise.

Gag Eleven: Pain in the neck

_My life is full of annoyances. Hey, I feed, clothe, and house one of my major annoyances and will continue to do so more than likely. Sometimes, I can just put up with the annoyances. It kind of depends on what I get out of it, I guess anyway. I know it sounds weird, but I mean, with my monster, I have to get something out of keeping her around because I keep her around. So, if I get something out of a bothersome creature, it seems that I will put up with it. Maybe there's something wrong with me._

There was a knock at the door and Shego was confused for a moment. She thought that it might have been her pet; every now and then the busybody, hyperactive elf lost her keys and instead of doing something crazy, like coming in through the window, the kid actually knocked like a normal person would do. Well, once she had come through the window and it had gotten her yelled at since her mistress caught her doing it. The pale woman exited her bedroom and checked the sofa to see if her monster was home by some chance. Her munchkin was, in fact, out like a light on the sofa, looking like a corpse as she generally did when she napped.

Shego arched an eyebrow; well, who was at the door if her pet was sleeping in the apartment? She was fairly certain that it was not Betty; the one-eyed woman had a habit of calling like a decent person would do before coming over. She also had a habit for staying on the phone to talk about nothing while she was on route to the apartment until she got to the door. So, since she was not on the phone, the green-skinned woman was pretty sure that it was not her only friend at the door.

Well, who would come over without calling? She thought with a fright that it might be her mother. Her mother would just surprisingly show up at her apartment. She hoped that it was not her mother. She had seen enough of her mother to last a lifetime; she ignored the fact that she was banking on her mother's reputation to keep her landlady off of her back if her own reputation was not good enough to do such a thing. Still, she hoped to the high heavens that her mommy was not at the door.

Well, who else was there, she asked herself. She hated to think that it was a certain blue moron since it was his calling card to show up without calling. She had broken up with him to get him out of her life and he was supposed to be far away in another state now, but he was a man that liked bad surprises in her opinion. If it was him, she was going to crack his skull.

The apartment owner went to the door and looked through the peek-hole to see who it was that was bugging her. "Junior?" she gasped because of her shock. She opened the door and there he was.

"Hey, there, pretty lady," Junior greeted her with a smile. He flashed his perfect teeth, which seemed to sparkle in the light. He looked just as she remembered him; a big pretty boy. His muscular torso, handsome face, and hair full of product, all the marks of a pretty boy. His clothing was his usual plain yellow shirt and black pants, but it was easy to see that they were made of the best materials.

"What's going on? What are you doing here?" Shego inquired, keeping her voice very low to avoid waking her resting pet. She did want to know what in the hell Junior was doing at her doorstep, though. It was not like she really wanted to see him.

"I missed you. I figured that you missed me too. So, how about we go out?" he suggested, still smiling his perfect smile. It was as if he bought the smile at an expensive store and wanted to show it off.

"Um … I can't," Shego answered while wondering how his logic worked. She had forgotten that he was alive once Betty stopped bothering her about trying to get some more money out of the chimp. She did not see any need to remember him.

"No? Is it your dog? Is he sick again?" the sapphire-eyed young man asked with some concern in his voice. He did like her dog, even though the creature did not seem to like him.

"No," she stated bluntly. She could not believe that he remembered that lie about her having a dog and him being sick. It had almost been a year since he had been at her home, so she did not see the point in him recollecting such a thing.

"Then you should come out. We could have the good time together. We could have a lot of fun, no? Go get dressed. We can have much fun together, yes?" he pointed out in his own special way.

Shego glanced back at the living room and rubbed the top of her head to show that she was thinking the offer over. It would be nice to go out to a club or two. She had not been out in a while and she had not been to a good club in an even longer time. Did she really want to go out with Junior, though? He was a bore in a way and annoyingly stupid, but he did know how to party; she would give the ebony-haired young man that little tidbit of credit.

"So, come on. We can do much dancing," Junior suggested and he wiggled his hips a bit as if he was trying to entice her.

"Well…" Shego hesitated; maybe his movements actually worked. She was seriously considering taking him up on his offer.

"And I know a great restaurant. We can eat some fine foods," he continued. He had a long list of things that he planned to name if he could not bait her into joining him. He figured that he would stand there until he came across something that she wanted to do.

Shego considered that a free meal and some partying would do her good. How could she pass that up anyway? It involved free, probably expensive food. Sure, Junior was irksome, but a little alcohol would probably clear that flaw up; she was not sure which of them would need the alcohol more, but it would undoubtedly help. Besides, all she had to do was be in his company for a couple of hours and then they could part ways. Yeah, that sounded about right and it sounded doable.

"Give me a second to go put on some clothes," Shego informed him.

"All right," he replied with an extra-big smile.

The pale woman ushered Junior into the apartment and then she shut the door behind him. She made her way back to her bedroom, glancing into the living room for a quick moment. Her pet was still unconscious on the couch. She hoped that the girl stayed that way for a few more minutes or she would have to deal with a lot of whining from the redhead that she just did not want to hear. Her prayer was answered and she managed to exit the apartment without her little monster waking up.

"We will have a good time, no?" Junior asked with a smile.

"That's why I'm going," Shego replied while walking out of the door with him. All she wanted to do was have some fun and she knew that was pretty much all Junior was about. Some drinking, some dancing, and then she would return home.

----------------------

Kim yawned as she turned over, forgetting that she was on the sofa. She fell off of the couch, which woke her completely up. Damn the law of gravity and all of its wickedness, she thought. She sat up and yawned again. Her stomach growled as soon as she finished yawning, so she whined very loudly for her mistress. It was Shego's responsibility to feed her, after all. She was a bit bemused when she did not get an answer; she did not even get yelled at for whining at sound a high volume.

"Shego?" Kim called again, sounding more puzzled than whiny. She stood up and stretched while waiting for an answer that did not come.

The redhead searched the apartment for her master and found that she was all alone. She shrugged it off and wandered into the kitchen, figuring that it was all right to show a little independence since her owner was not around. She scanned the cabinets for something quick to prepare, but there was not much. She wished that Shego would just buy some instant noodles every once and while for emergencies like now. She decided to make a sandwich since that was the quickest thing that she could prepare with the items in the kitchen.

Kim did wonder where her master had gone off too. She figured that Shego might have been called off for some emergency at work, which happened from time to time, even though she did not recall hearing the phone ring. Usually, the phone sounding so awful and offending to her ears, when it rang, it woke her up all of the time and if she was a lesser soul, it would cause her to duck for cover. So, she figured that if the phone rang, she would have known immediately. Ah well, she nonchalantly conceded; it was not her business as a pet to know where her mistress was.

She ate her sandwich and waited patiently for her master to return, like a good little pet would. She had been trying to be a slightly good pet ever since it was silently decided that she was only a pet. If she was only a pet, she would be the best pet that she could possibly be … most of the time anyway. And, even when she was naughty, it was mostly to keep her mistress on her toes, like any pet would do.

By midnight, Kim was a bit bewildered. Where in the world was her master? Should she continue to wait like a good pet, even though it would upset her owner to come in and find her awake? Should she go to bed like she knew her mistress would want her to do? She was not sure, but she stayed up in the end. She wanted to be there to greet her master at the door.

Kim sat at the front door like a lonely puppy and when it finally opened, she grinned. Shego entered the apartment and Kim was on her in a flash. The pale woman grunted, not expecting the ambush for once. She petted her girl on the head as she pushed the front door closed.

"What are you still doing up?" Shego asked in a low voice and the petite hero could smell some liquor on her mistress' breath. She wondered if the older woman was drunk again.

"Waiting for you," Kim answered honestly.

The moss-hued woman smiled a little bit. She supposed that she was lucky to have such a bothersome, but loving creature to come home to. How many people could go out and party and then come home to a warm, loving, and annoying hug? How many people had someone willing to wait up until the morning for them until they came in? She was not sure, but she was glad that she had someone.

"Come on, bedtime," Shego said to her pet.

Kim nodded; she guessed that her owner was not very intoxicated. She figured that the raven-haired woman just went out and had a good time. She wished that the officer had woken her up and let her tag along. Ah well, she yielded once again; she was only a pet, after all.

----------(New day)

Junior was about to knock on the apartment door when he was halted by a woman seemingly coming out of nowhere. He knew that he had not seen her in the hall when he came up from the stairs, but she was suddenly there when he got to Shego's apartment door. He turned around after she greeted him. He was face to face with Shego's landlady, Anita Crocket; not that he was aware of that fact.

"Hello, sir," Miss Crocket greeted the young man. She was, of course, very curious as to whom the young man was and what he was doing outside of that particular apartment.

"Um…hello to you too," Junior replied as if he was confused, which he might have been considering he was who he was.

"I'm Anita Crocket. I'm the landlord. So, do you know Shego or Kim?" she asked curiously. She made sure to be as polite as possible when requesting the information, hoping that the handsome young man would give her some leads as to what those two were to each other. She wondered which one of them he was going to see and what his relationship was to the one that he was going to see. There had to be someway for him to shed light on the mystery involving that pair.

"I know them both," he answered honestly, not seeing the harm in revealing such facts. After all, he was unaware of what the blue-eyed female wanted.

Miss Crocket raised an elegant eyebrow for a moment and wondered if something even more perverse was going on than what she had been told was going on. What if Kim was more than just Shego's sex slave? What if Shego rented the girl out? Then that was prostitution, which just added to the perversion. She definitely would not stand for any of that in her building. She would have to do something about them if prostitution was really case; she was, in fact, already trying to do something about the green-skinned officer.

"Oh, so which of them are you going to see?" the Texan asked since Junior seemed willing to give up information easily.

"I am going to see Shego. I am to take her out tonight," he answered honestly once again. He sounded rather proud that he was going to take the raven-haired female out.

"Oh, so you're dating her?" Miss Crocket guessed. There was the chance, a very slim chance that Shego was straight and her only real flaw was the fact that a rabid wolverine was friendlier than she was.

"Yes, I am," he answered without hesitating in any way. It would be a big surprise to Shego to know such a thing.

"And what about Kim?" Miss Crocket asked, hoping to trick him into revealing something more sinister going on.

"What about Kim?" he countered in a confused tone. He did not see what Shego's little cousin had to do with the fact that he was dating Shego; he did not see what her little cousin had to do with anything at all. He had not even seen the redhead and he had been to the apartment a few times already. It seemed that she was either out every time that he came to pick Shego up, or he considered, she might no longer live with the super-powered woman.

"Oh, nothing," Miss Crocket replied when she saw that he was genuinely perplexed by the inquiry. "She's a very sweet girl," she commented in a rather absent tone. She actually did not like Kim just as much as she disliked Shego.

In her opinion, the redhead was wild. She was always in and out of the building at all hours of the day. She often tried to bring wild animals into the apartment, but thankfully, Shego always made her get rid of them posthaste. She ripped and ran around like a hyperactive monkey and never seemed to have something to show for all of her activity.

"I suppose," Junior agreed with her that Kim was a sweet kid. He did not really know the petite scientist that well, but what he remembered about her, he liked. It had been a long time, a few months shy of a whole year, since he had spoken with her and that was only for a few hours.

"You don't like her?" the building owner inquired because of his response, which lacked any sort of substance. She thought that he might not like her for certain reasons that might prove the rumors true.

"Oh, no, I do like her. She is a nice girl. I think she is very nice," he insisted. He did not want to say anything that might be seen as bad about Shego's cousin right outside of her apartment door; she might overhear and get angry with him, he considered. The last thing that he wanted to do was upset her.

"Oh, well, let me let you go. It was nice speaking to you," she said.

"All right. Goodbye."

Miss Crocket decided to walk away before Shego came to the door and saw her. She was not sure how the pale woman would react to seeing her speak with her boyfriend, but the blue-eyed woman doubted that she would react well. She wondered if the rumors possibly were not true. Shego had a boyfriend; he did seem a little light in the head and he also seemed a little young for her, but she had a boyfriend. He knew about Kim and did not seem to think very negative things about her, but he did not seem too thrilled about her either. But, he did not seem adverse to her in any way.

So, maybe Kim was just an innocent little college student with an odd fashion sense. But, that did not explain her very strange hours; Miss Crocket did not understand why Kim dashed in and out of the building so often and sometimes very late. Sometimes, the slender hero did find herself running out of the apartment at like four in the morning; hey, it was not four in the morning all over the world. But then again, it was four in the morning there and Kim figured that most people would be asleep by that time.

------------------------

"Ready to boogie, pretty lady?" Junior asked Shego as he entered her apartment.

"You know I am," she replied.

If Junior did not know anything else, he knew how to have a good time and the moss-hued female did not mind hanging around him, provided that he did not talk too much. He could get into the best clubs without any problem, into the best restaurants with little more than a word, and he actually knew how to show a girl a decent time. She had been around worse guys, so she could stand him for a little while.

"Hey, I was wondering, whatever happened to your pretty little cousin?" the sapphire-eyed male inquired.

"My cousin?" Shego echoed.

"Yes, Kim. The one that your dog really liked. What happened to her?" he asked curiously.

"Oh, Kimmie. She's around like always," she replied dismissively. She did not really want to talk about her pet; she just wanted to go out and act wild for a few hours.

"So, she is still staying with you?" he inquired.

"Yes," the pale woman answered.

"Ah, then where is she now?"

"Good question with her," the green-skinned female remarked.

Her pet had practically flown out of the apartment, panicking that she was going to be late. She had kissed her mistress goodbye, as that was her habit, while asking for bus fare, but she never did make it clear as to what she was late for. All Shego could guess was that it was something that was at least in the city since her monster required bus fare, but she was not sure what was going on that her pet might have been involved in. It was too late for her to have class. She also ruled out her girl having a mission for the simple fact that she had been going on about being late and missions did not have specific, arranged time frames for her to be late when going on a mission.

"Is it possible that I will see her soon?" Junior inquired.

"Maybe, maybe not," Shego answered evasively. She realized now that she had been sort of hiding Junior from Kim, even though all she was doing was hanging out with him and really, as a pet, it was none of Kim's business who she was around since she was the one in charge. She had not brought him up to the redhead in any way, though and she did not invite him around if her munchkin was around. She decided against rationalizing such behavior to herself because she had a feeling that she would not like the results her mind came up with.

"And what about your dog?" Junior asked. He would have liked to see her dog again and hoped that the creature did not still hold some unknown grudge against him.

"Yeah, he died," Shego lied. She just wanted to get going to the club and Junior was suddenly so interested in playing twenty questions. He was really starting to irk her and the night had not even begun.

"He died?" Junior gasped in shock. "You must be so sad," he commented.

"Ah, it happened a while back," she replied dismissively. She noted that she was going to have to stop lying about her pet because people were just too curious. She had already killed off an imaginary cat and a dog that was not hers to explain why her apartment was animal-free. Maybe she should just tell the truth and see how people reacted to that, she considered as a joke. "Come on, let's get going," she urged him and she pulled the muscular male out of the apartment.

She really just did not want to talk with Junior. If she wanted a conversation, she would stay home and call Betty or wait for her pet to come back in. She wanted to go party and that was what Junior was good for; it was probably the only thing that he was good for. She just wanted to have a wild, good time. She felt like she deserved it. Hey, she was free, so she could do whatever she wanted to without any consequences, as far as she was concerned anyway.

------------------

Shego entered the apartment, giggling slightly. Junior was behind her, his face was buried deep in her neck. She laughed a bit more and pushed him away slightly, complaining that he was tickling her. He still came back for more.

"Stop, Junior," she hissed a bit, but she was speaking in a very playful tone.

"You taste like mint," he noted with his face still embedded in her neck.

The emerald-eyed woman laughed a bit more and she pried his head away from her flesh. He smiled a bit; it was a slightly lopsided expression. She smiled too; it was an equally off-balance expression. He then leaned in and kissed her.

Shego did not move as his lips descended gently onto hers. As the kiss deepened like the ocean, she held onto to his thick, muscular arm while his hand made its way to her rear; she was wearing a short skirt and no stockings. He began to knead the handful of scandalous flesh that he was holding onto. She moaned into his mouth. He was good with his hands, she silently noted in the haze of everything.

"Shego, does this skirt unbutton or zip?" he asked in a puzzled tone. He was obviously attempting to get her out of her clothes, but he had no idea how to do that. Her outfit was like a riddle he could not solve.

"Unbutton," Shego answered and then she realized what he was planning to do. "Wait, Junior," she halted him.

"What?" he asked curiously.

"I don't have time for this," she replied. There were a million of things that she could have said, but her cloudy mind opted for that one. Well, she would take it and run with it. At least her mind had come up with something.

"No?" he inquired in a bewildered and disappointed tone.

"No, I've to got get up for work in three hours," she informed him and that was the solid truth.

"Oh. Some other time then. I'll let you go to bed," he replied, as if he had a choice.

She nodded and he leaned down to kiss her again; she did not move. When the embrace was done, Shego then let him out; he did not put up a fight over having to leave. The pale woman then went to her bedroom and eased onto the bed. She was so worn out that she barely noticed that her impish brat was not in the bed.

-------------------------

Kim was in the loft. She did not really sleep up there anymore, sharing her master's bed practically every night, but she did do school work up there because it was a place that she could clutter as she saw fit. She could not look at her books anymore, not at the moment anyway.

The redhead could actually barely breathe anymore, not after what she had just witnessed. Her mistress had had her tongue in Junior's mouth and Junior had his tongue down her throat. He had been cupping her master's bare ass. Kim felt like she was going to throw up.

Okay, the slender hero tried to calm herself down. She knew that something like that was going to happen, she reminded herself. She knew that eventually her owner was going to go out and get another boyfriend because Shego just was not attracted to her it seemed. But, Junior? Come on, Junior! He was nothing more than a pretty face, nice body, and an empty skull. His head probably had a damn echo! He would never be able to make her master feel a fraction of the way that she could.

Junior was nothing more than the next person that was going to leech off of her hard work, Kim's mind pointed out. She was the one that relaxed Shego, that calmed her down, that made her feel up to dealing with people beyond a professional level, and Junior was going to reap the benefits. It just was not fair, Kim silently lamented. Apparently, that was going to be her new motto through out her private life, the redhead realized. As long as she stayed with her mistress, life would never be fair. So, life would never be fair.

----------------------

Next time: Shego continues to hang out with Junior and Kim doesn't take it too well.


	12. Gag Twelve: Sleepless in the loft

I don't own these characters and I don't own this premise.

Gag Twelve: Sleepless in the loft

_I consider myself pretty smart. I know I've been classified as a genius, but I don't know about that. After all, would a genius screw her life up this much? I doubt it. But, I do think I'm pretty smart and I've got a good brain…so, why is it betraying me? I knew what was going to happen the moment that it was decided I was just a pet, so why does this bother me so much? Probably because I know I'm the one she wants, even if she doesn't know it._

Shego woke up and held her head. She had a minor hangover, which she expected. She had done too much drinking last night, she scolded herself. She should know better than to drink that much, she silently berated herself. She had to be careful; she did not want to get too messed up around Junior. At least she could hold her liquor well because if she could not, she would not be surprised to wake up next to that handsome idiot that she was hanging around with. Even though she would not be surprised, she really would rather not wake up next to him. She would rather not even chance going to bed with him.

The pale woman turned over and was astonished to see that she had been sleeping alone. Where was her cuddly munchkin? She yawned slightly as she considered that her pet might be up in the loft; the redhead had fallen asleep up there a couple of times while reading or more recently now studying. She gently massaged her temples as she got out of bed and went to take a shower; not to mention, brush her teeth considering it tasted like something died in her mouth.

Once she was refreshed and dressed, Shego went to make breakfast. After getting the meal together, she went to the loft. She knocked on the wall to get her girl's attention. When Kim did not poke her head out as she generally did, Shego climbed up to the space via the ladder. She curled her lip up in disgust when she saw her imp's space. It looked like a library had vomited in the loft; there were books, magazines, papers, rolls of film, and photographs just covering the whole loft to the point that she could not even see the floor. She would call it a pigsty, but that was an insult to pigs as far as she was concerned. Her pet was leaning against the wall passed out like a lush with a book in her hand.

"Pumpkin," Shego said as she shook her monster wake.

Kim mumbled incoherently; the sound did imply some sort of distress. Her eyes fluttered open as soon as the noise left her mouth. She was glad to be awake; she had been having one hell of a nightmare. When noticed her mistress, she thought that she might still be dreaming. At least one element of the nightmare was gone if she still was asleep, she thought, and that was a relief.

"Come on, breakfast," Shego informed her little brat.

"Huh?" Kim asked as if she did not know what breakfast was. She was obviously dazed for some reason that her master could not see. Her nightmare had really screwed up her whole works for the moment; she was extremely disorientated. It did not help matters that she had not been sleeping well for the past few nights.

"Food," Shego stated plainly.

"Oh…um…not really…" Kim mumbled, but she did not get the chance to finish her grumbled response.

"Don't pull this 'you're not hungry' bullshit. You're always hungry. Now, go eat," the green-skinned female commanded.

The redheaded scientist pouted, but she did not argue with her mistress. She dropped her book and hopped down from her space, all the while making sure not to make eye contact with her owner. She trotted over to the table to find that she was having oatmeal for breakfast. She was actually a huge fan of oatmeal, but after that dream and all of the ones that she had been having that night, she doubted that she would be able to stomach anything all day, especially something as heavy as oatmeal. She wished that the images would fade away the moment that she opened her eyes, but she seemed to have no luck in life when it came to her mistress.

"What time do your classes start today?" Shego asked as she sat down to eat her bagel and egg while she read her paper. She noticed that her girl seemed very out of it that morning. She did not think too much of it because it was only that day, but it still bothered her.

"Nine," Kim answered in a mutter.

"You should get moving then," the older woman pointed out. Usually, her pet would have been practically drinking her meal to make sure she got out of the door in time for class, but she was definitely a step behind that morning.

"I'll be fine," the redhead stated. "I'm never late…"

"No?" the raven-haired woman inquired, just to keep her monster talking. She thought that the girl might pass out if she stopped speaking to her and she did not want that to happen; that was how out of it Kim seemed.

"No," the student replied plainly.

"You're in a jolly mood," Shego noted sarcastically.

"Bad sleep," the olive-eyed scientist admitted. She rubbed her forehead as if that would make those horrible images from her mind. They were still there; they were still haunting her. Damn it, that was beyond unfair; it was pure evil.

"You need to organize your schedule better to avoid all that late night bullshit you're going through. You want a ride?" Shego offered, figuring that might lift her pet's spirits. Besides, she was not too sure if she trusted her girl on a bus alone for an hour with the way that she was acting at the moment.

"I'll manage," the redhead insisted.

"You sure?"

"I don't want to make you late."

"Ah, come on. Hurry up and I'll take you in," the pale woman proposed. She was going to take her girl in to make sure she got there and she might even surprise the kid and pick her up just to be sure that she was all right.

Kim did not argue, partly because she did not have it in her to do so and, hell, her master probably would never offer to ride her some place ever again unless she was going there herself. She quietly ate her meal and went to brush her teeth. She got dressed in some street clothes, grabbed her books, and left the apartment with her owner. She was thankful to not have to creep out of the apartment for once; there was no way that Miss Crocket would approach her with Shego there, which was good because she just did not feel up to dealing with the woman after the sleep that she had gotten. She did not feel up to much after the sleep that she had gotten, but she was certain that she could endure it.

-----------------------

Shego hoped that she got called out for an assignment sooner or later or she knew that she was going to fall asleep at her desk. Her hangover was pounding and her eyes were trying their best to close because her brain was demanding rest. She knew that if she could get her adrenaline pumping, then she would be all right until she went home. She just needed to do something in order to stay awake.

She also needed something to stop thinking about her dazed pet. On the ride to her campus, Kim seemed to just look worse. It appeared that she was ready to nod off in her seat and Shego had actually offered to take her back home for some sleep, but Kim insisted that she was going to be fine. It was on the ride to Go University that Shego made up her mind that she was going to pick up her monster from class too and she told Kim as much. She ordered her pet to be waiting for her in front of a certain building when she was done with school and Shego was going to go get the girl to make sure that she was all right.

"You look like hell," Doctor Director noted as she sat down next to her good friend.

"Feel that way too," Shego answered honestly.

"Partying hard lately," the chief guessed. The look on her friend's face, especially her eyes, told Betty that her younger friend was more than likely bugging out.

"It's fun," the younger woman replied with a shrug. She could not lie and she could not help it. It was just fun to go out and act like she did not have any good sense for a few hours every night or so. It was not really a relief, but it was fun.

"It was fun when you were doing it ten years ago too. I do believe we all know where that went," the one-eyed woman commented with a know-it-all smirk.

"I was a dumb kid back then. I was just too stupid to figure out that too much of a good thing is bad. I'm cool now. I made it to work and everything," the employee remarked with a tired smile. She really felt that it was an accomplishment that she made it to work with the way that she felt at the moment. Those sick days were looking mighty tempting now.

"That is an achievement, I suppose," the boss conceded. She would have been being sarcastic if she did not know what would have happened if Shego allowed her fun times to get the better of her. They were lucky that she made it to work instead of something ridiculous, like waking up next to some strange man whose name she would not even be able to recollect.

"Tell me you came over here to give me an assignment," the pale woman slightly pled. She really wanted something to do; she knew that if she did something active, she would feel better. She was probably the only person on the planet that could work off a hangover with work.

"Wish I could. I came over here to kill time," Doctor Director answered with a small chuckle. She was looking to avoid doing her work.

"That's just a damn tease," Shego complained in a grumble.

"Me coming into work and only having paperwork is even worse," the one-eyed woman commented. She was a woman of action, but ever since she started and built up her department, she found herself being a woman of inertia. It was hard on her, but she liked what she built up and she would maintain it. She just required a break every now and then like everyone else.

"Ah, your job is bullshit anyway. I don't know why you even bother," the raven-haired woman stated. She was sure that if she had the boss' job, she would have quit about two days in. There was nothing fascinating about Betty's job, except when she got the chance to join an officer on an assignment of her choosing.

Doctor Director waved her friend off to dismiss the issue; Shego actually knew why the older woman bothered with her job. She bothered with it all for several reasons, but mostly because it was better than dealing with her mother, much the same big reason that Shego bothered. It also gave her something to be proud of and compare to her other more snobbish family members work and hold pace or even go higher than they did, much like Shego. It was just better to bother with work rather than bothering with family, who tended to swear that they were so great when the pair would rather disagree.

"So, how many days have you been out partying?" the older woman asked curiously. It would give her a clue of how many days she would have before her friend had to call in for a sick day from either drinking herself sick or the fact that she had no clue where she was and she just would not be able to make it into work.

"Every couple of days," the pale female answered. If she was not an extraordinary being, beyond the fact that she had super powers, she would have burnt out a little while ago. She did not know how Junior did it day in and day out and he was normal, but then again, he was used to the lifestyle.

"You'll burn out eventually," the brunette female commented casually. No matter how great Shego was physically speaking, she just could not go on partying and working at the same time indefinitely. It just was not possible, especially with the way that she did things.

"Wishing out loud?" Shego remarked with an arrogant smirk. She was going to keep going now just to spite Betty.

"Stating a fact. Who have you been going out with, anyway? Your little brat?" the onyx-eyed woman inquired.

"The brat's no fun. You won't believe who I've been hanging around."

"Who?" Betty asked in a fascinated voice.

"Junior."

"Junior? As in Senor Senior Junior?" the chief inquired to make sure that they were talking about the same Junior.

"Exactly," the green-skinned officer confirmed.

"He's back in town? I thought you hated him. An obnoxious airhead, I believe your exact words were one time when describing Junior and that was when you were being nice. So, you're dating him now?" the boss asked in a baffled tone.

"Not dating, just hanging. He's been taking me to a bunch of the greatest and most exclusive clubs. He knows great restaurants too. He's going to be around for a while, so I just thought I'd hang out with him," Shego explained.

"You slept with him, didn't you?" Betty accused her friend with a straight face, showing that she truly believed that the younger female slept with Junior.

"No!" Shego denied the charge vehemently. To hell with sleeping with Junior. She had some standards!

"Okay, okay. So, you didn't sleep with him. Does he know you're not dating?" Doctor Director asked curiously. He did not come across as the brightest bulb in the pack, so she would think that that he might interpret their "hanging out" as dating.

"Why would he think we're dating? I never said we were," Shego replied. She did not see why he would assume that they were dating; she did not even give the guy her cell phone number to call her. The only reason Junior even knew where she lived was because of that one stupid time that he wanted to see her dog. Hardly even invited him into the apartment when he did come by now. He was not open to any information that would be disclosed to a boyfriend, so she did not see why he would think that they were dating.

"Whatever. So, is the brat okay with you going out with Junior?" Betty inquired. Kim struck her as a strange creature when it came to Shego because it was obvious that the redhead more than likely wanted her mistress all to herself, but she had more than put up with Shego dating Drakken; she had actually tried to help that relationship. That brat was just a weird one.

"It's none of her damn business," the moss-hued woman pointed out.

Doctor Director shrugged, giving up the fight right then and there. She supposed that her friend had given up on the crazy idea of sleeping with her pet, which she thought was good. She did not know why the super-powered female actually thought that she could possibly sleep with that kid. Shego should have known that she could not go from straight to gay just like that. Not to mention, Kim was nothing like the type of person that Shego was attracted to. So, it was nice that Shego had regained some of her senses back and decided to leave her pet to just be the brat that she was.

"So, is Junior going to be donating anymore money to our worthy department?" Betty asked with hope in her voice.

"I haven't asked and I'm not going to," the younger woman replied.

Doctor Director's face fell. "Come on, take one for the team?" she requested, even though she knew that was not going to work.

"Fuck the team. We've been through this before. Besides, didn't his father just cut us a check?"

"Not recently. I do believe that the charming fact that you saved Junior's life has worn off," the boss answered.

"Oh, well. I'm not your prostitute, Bets. You can't put me on the fucking corner every time you need funding."

"Your sorry ass wouldn't make me any money anyway. Watch yourself hanging out with that kid. You party too hard with him and the next thing you know, he'll have your ass in the air," the chief crudely remarked.

"Fuck that," Shego scoffed. There was no way in hell that she was letting that kid do anything with her ass; she obviously was too drunk to recall how close she came to sleeping with him in her own apartment not too long ago.

"Since when do you even have standards? I was coming to believe that all one needed to get into your pants was a fifth appendage," the older woman commented.

"All right, that's it, one of us needs to do some work or I'm going to have to slap you around a bit," the green-skinned officer commented. All right, she was rather promiscuous in her day, but she was far from the slut that Betty was trying to imply that she was. Well, she did not believe that she was the slut that her friend was trying to imply that she was.

Doctor Director laughed a bit. "So touchy."

"Don't hate my game just because you don't have any."

"Fuck you," Betty retorted. It was the best she could do at the moment.

"We've already established that I'm not a lesbian, although you could probably use the action," the younger woman remarked.

"Such a predictable answer. All right, I've picked on you long enough. I need to go get to that paper work that has been haunting me since it's not like it'll do itself. I can't stand administrative work. I think I'll promote you again and make you do it while I go beat people up," Betty mused aloud.

"The hell you will. Better get your annoying little cousin to do that shit."

Doctor Director scoffed; yeah, right. She would not trust Will to walk to the store without implicit instructions, so she could not and would not leave such important work to him. She guessed that she was stuck with it.

All right, the boss silently decided that she had fooled around long enough and she had plenty of work that she needed to get back to. She did not need to talk with Shego anymore anyway or eventually she would learn too much information. They typically learned something that they did not need to know about each other if they spoke for too long or they taunted each other too much.

-----------------------

Shego climbed up to the loft and found her pet up there, knocked out with a book in her hand. Shego shook her head; finals were coming and they were going to be the death of her little monster, she thought. When she had picked her pet up from school, the kid was carrying an arm load of new books; well, they were new to her anyway. She muttered something about finals being around the corner and she believed that she needed to make sure she knew the work.

Shego removed the book from her pet's petite hand and then scanned the area for her imp's bed. It took her a moment to spot the pallet that her munchkin did not use very often anymore; the mattress was covered in books. The pale woman cleared the bed and put her girl down on it.

"See you later," Shego whispered and she kissed Kim on the corner of her mouth.

The emerald-eyed officer exited the loft and then left the apartment. She was dressed to go out, which was what she was doing. She was having a good time clubbing almost every other night. She just always noted that she had to be careful to avoid what her good friend had already said because there was no way that she wanted to wake up next to Junior one day. That idea not only was not working for her, but if she thought about it too much, it tended to make her feel nauseated.

Shego and Junior went down to his car and they started off to a new club. Junior had been in town for a couple of weeks by now and he had not said when he was leaving. She did not mind; she called him every couple of days to see if he was still in town and he was, so he offered up all sorts of places for them to go. She was all for the dancing and drinking. It was enjoyable for her; that was just how she was.

-------------------------

Kim twisted and turned in her bed. She groaned loudly and sat up. She held her head and attempted to shake away the horrible image that was now burned into her brain. She might never sleep again if she was going to keep having that nightmare or ones similar to it all of the time, she silently commented as she looked around to see where she was.

The redhead was surprised to find that she was in her bed. She was a bit confused by that because lately if she slept in the loft, she leaned against the wall because she always dozed off while studying. She rubbed her eyes with her palms and wondered what time it was. The whole apartment was dark, so she guessed that it was very late.

The slender hero climbed out of the loft and went to get in the bed that she preferred. She wandered to the bedroom door of her master and was about to burst in, but then she recalled Junior. What if he was in there right now with her mistress? Sweating over her master, touching her master in ways that she never would, experiencing her master in ways that she could only dream about? Not that she could even have pleasant dreams anymore. Kim decided against chancing seeing something else that would scar her for life and returned to her own bed.

She laid down and hoped that she did not have any more nightmares or she was never going to go to sleep again. She shut her eyes and discovered that she did not even have to be asleep to have that damnable dream. She just saw it whenever she closed her eyes. Damn it.

She sighed and turned on the light in her space. She crawled around in the loft, searching for the book that she had been reading earlier. She came across a notebook first and decided to read her class notes since finals were coming up soon anyway. She would take anything at the moment, as long as it kept her awake.

But, even as her eyes focused on the papers, she could still see the images that seemed to be seared into her retinas now. It was as if it was real, as if she had actually witnessed such a thing. She groaned softly and held her forehead with one small hand. She attempted to shake away the pictures that were in her mind. She did not want to see them; she did not want to see that.

She sighed and tried her best to focus on her notes. She had to study if only to get those images out of her skull. It was not fair, her brain began to chant. She tried to shake the words out of her head. She could not believe how her mind was betraying her. Her mind was supposed to be on her side, but it was just ruining her now. Her brain was driving her nuts.

Being awake was not good, Kim silently lamented; she witnessed things when she was awake. Going to sleep was not even an option because she saw worse things there. It was like she could not do anything right lately. Everything was all screwed up. Everything…a frustrated tear escaped her eye. She was screwed up.

-------------------

Shego stumbled into the apartment. She did not have to fend off Junior's drunken advances that night because she was alone. She leaned against the wall by the door to get her balance together. She was about to stagger right to bed, but she decided to check on her on little studious monster.

She climbed up to the loft very slowly; she had to be careful or she would have fallen off, or so she feared anyway. She scanned the place and found her pet in the same place that she had moved her girl from before. She shook her head; maybe her munchkin liked sleeping like a wino, she considered to amuse herself. She did not bother putting Kim back into her bed; she just covered the redhead with a blanket. She kissed Kim, who remained asleep, and whispered a goodnight.

"Good girl," Shego said and then she went to bed. Another tear crept down the snoozing Kim's face.

------------------------------

Next time: a glimpse at Kim's nightmare and what it's doing to her.


	13. Gag Thirteen: Night terrors

I don't own these characters and I don't own this premise.

Gag Thirteen: Night terrors

_My little monster has been acting weird lately. Not in an alarming way or anything, but I think she's sick and she doesn't want to tell me. I don't know why she doesn't say anything. I mean, I have eyes and I can see that she's sick, so I don't know why she's acting like she's all right. I guess I'm going to have to step in since she doesn't seem to be getting better without me. _

Kim was ready to nod off into her breakfast. She had not been sleeping too well for over a week and she had not adjusted her schedule to make up for that, meaning she still acted like she could do anything, even though she was running on fumes most of the day. Her head was pounding, her eyes were half-closed, and she looked completely out of it. She had not even touched her waffles.

"Princess, are you okay?" Shego asked as she looked up from her paper. She could not believe that there was food in front of her pet that the kid had not tore into yet. It was just another clue to let her know that her pet was not a hundred percent all right like she was pretending to be.

"Fine," Kim mumbled.

"You don't look fine. Do you feel sick?" the older woman asked with concern in her voice.

"No."

"Do you feel warm?" Shego inquired.

"I'm fine," the redhead insisted.

"You don't look fine. Do you have a final today?" the master inquired because if her pet did not have any tests, she was going to order her girl back to bed and tell her to stay there for the rest of the day.

"Two," Kim answered.

"Well, I want you to come right back here after those two finals. Don't go to the lab, don't take a mission, don't go to that nasty fast food place with your goofy friends, and don't go hang out with those little snot-nosed brats in the park. They might've been the ones that gave you a bug," the green-skinned woman instructed her monster.

"But, I'm not sick," the tired student tried to assure her owner.

"So you say. Come straight in, okay?" Shego ordered.

"Yes, ma'am," the scientist mumbled. She did not want to come straight in, though. The house was the one messing with her mind as far as she was concerned. The familiar setting was haunting her psyche. She thought that was part of her problem anyway.

----------------

Shego prepared some soup for her pet, who she forced to lay down in her bed. Kim had tried to protest because there was just no way that she would be able to sleep in that bed considering the part it played in her nightmares. How ironic, she thought; her once favorite place to sleep was now the stage for hell as far as she was concerned. Still, she was in the bed, much to her horror.

"Here's some tea," Shego said as she entered the room and placed the cup on the nightstand next to her pet.

"I'm not sick," the younger female continued to persist and maintain that she was not ill. There was also the fact that she was not going to get any sleep, especially in her master's bed, so she wanted to get up and go do something.

"The hell you're not. Have you seen yourself?" the older woman demanded to know. She was willing to bet that her girl had not looked into the mirror lately or she would know that she was definitely sick. She had bags under her eyes and there was no color in her cheeks. Her leaf-colored eyes that were usually so vibrant were dull and almost dead. She was definitely sick.

"No," the redhead answered honestly. She had been too busy trying not to go to sleep, so she had not thought to look at her reflection, not that she cared what she looked like. The main thing was to not sleep and everything else was secondary.

"Well, if you had, you'd know you're sick and you'd stop arguing with me," the green-skinned woman stated.

"How can you tell I'm sick?" Kim asked to be a brat. It was not like her mistress was a doctor or anything like that.

"Because I'm the master around here," Shego answered to end the argument.

The younger woman huffed; she really did not have a retort for such an absolute answer and her mistress knew that. Well, she was not sick and she was not going to get any sleep, no matter how much her mistress pampered her. She supposed that she should just be happy for the attention, but she really was not. She was not sure why because usually being spoiled by her caring master was enough to make her feel blissful for days, but it was not working now. All she could think about was how she wanted to get out of the bed; she could not even focus on the fact that she was being spoiled.

The slender hero reached for her tea and began to sip the beverage while Shego went to check the soup. Once Kim finished her tea and soup, Shego sat down next to her pet. She began to caress Kim's head to relax her. No, the petite scientist screamed in her mind. Rubbing her scalp was a surefire way to make her fall sleep and she really did not want to go to sleep. Well, she actually did need some sleep, she conceded as she easily gave into the pleasing, almost melting feeling of having her head rubbed.

Kim considered that maybe if she went to sleep feeling content, then she probably would not have any nightmares. After all, her dreams were horrible when she slept against the wall, as if she was outside on the street, and cramming for exams, even though she more than likely did not need to. Maybe she was stressed because of finals and she just needed some comfort. That made sense to her, she thought as her eyes began to close. Sleep, after so many days without it, came easily to tired little redhead.

-------(?)

The front door to the apartment burst open, Shego and Junior practically fell into the apartment. They were engaged with, well, each other. They were deeply kissing, appearing to be eating each other's faces because of their overriding, animalistic lust. Their hands were almost violently wandering each other's bodies, searching for licentious areas to touch. Junior kicked the door shut while pinning Shego against the wall. She hooked her leg around his narrow waist to maintain her balance.

The pale woman began unbuttoning Junior's shirt while making sure to keep her mouth on his; it was as if she thought that if her tongue left his mouth, the world would come to an end. He was far from being idle while she was working; he just ripped her shirt open, buttons be damned, to get to the goods hidden underneath the fabric. Shego growled; the meaning of the sound lost with her shirt as it drifted to the floor.

Junior's hand quickly found one of her cotton-covered breast. She hissed in pleasure as he squeezed and teased her. With her leg around his waist, she pulled him closer to her to give him the idea that they needed to get to things.

The pair stumbled toward the bedroom, shedding their clothing like serpents along the way. Their mouths stayed on flesh if not on each other; it was as if they were going to devour each other. They moaned like horses in heat, loud and deep, and the noise only got worse when they made it to the bedroom.

They flopped down on the bed; Shego landed underneath Junior. She did not seem bothered by being on the bottom; she did not even seem to notice. She just encouraged Junior to keep going by grinding against him and he did not hesitate to rid them of the rest of their bothersome clothes to get to where they both wanted to be.

"Don't stop," Shego begged loudly and she moaned sharply while scratching his back because of the feeling.

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Kim shot up from her resting place, panting and sweating as if she was in a sauna. Damn it, it was that nightmare again. She did not have much time to agonize over the terror that her traitorous mind continued to concoct because she felt like she needed to throw up. She dashed to the bathroom and vomited up all of the soup that she had been practically force-fed earlier. She was pretty sure that she had emptied her stomach on that note. She then climbed to her feet, rinsed out her mouth, and brushed her teeth.

The redhead groaned and held her head; that damnable nightmare was going to be the death of her. She could not sleep anymore and now it was making her physically ill. She was angry with her mind for showing her such vile images. How dare her brain show her beloved master being fucked by that pretty boy airhead! And her vicious, detestable mind always picked a new way to show her that disgusting act, like them against the wall, or her mistress on her knees, or even on her beloved couch. As if her mistress would ever allow him such privileges over her body, Kim mentally commented. Her master just would not permit him do those things to her.

But, she had witnessed her owner being kissed by Junior, seemingly enjoying the embrace very much. She had allowed him to clutch onto her curvy backside. She was going out with him. She was probably out with him now.

Kim trotted back into her mistress' bedroom to find that Shego was not there anymore. She pouted and then looked around for the clock to see what time it was; it was past midnight. She then searched around the apartment, but her owner was nowhere to be found. She was alone and her mistress was probably out somewhere with Junior. Worse yet, her mistress might be somewhere underneath Junior.

The slim adventurer felt sick again, but she did not have anything else to throw up. She had felt that way a couple of times before, but she had not been eating much lately, so she did not have anything to purge from her belly most of the time. She just could not figure out why she felt that way. She should not be feeling physically sick from dreams and the idea that Shego had a lover.

Kim, being an extremely intelligent being, was very aware that one day her mistress would go out and find a new lover after deciding that Kim was just a pet. It seemed that she was not good enough in that area for her master, so, of course, the older woman would seek a companion for physical pleasure if only for a little while. The logical thought had entered her head many times and she had comforted herself by reminding herself that the lovers would come and go, but she would always remain. She would be there forever and her mistress would always come back to her because the emerald-eyed woman needed her like oxygen, but that was not enough now that the lover was there. The thought and the reality were two different hells.

Knowing that something was going to happen and watching it possibly unfold right before her eyes, they just were two absolutely different animals and Kim felt like she should have known that. She had seen enough things in her short life to know that simple fact; thought and reality were never the same thing. She figured that she would be able to handle it because she could do anything, but it did not seem like she could now. In fact, the situation was making it so that she could not sleep anymore and it was now making her physically ill. She could not handle the circumstances at all if her physical condition was any clue to what was going on. She was not sure what she should do; it felt like she could not do anything about it.

The redhead wandered up to her space. She crawled around on the floor, searching for something worth staying awake for. She came across an old book that she would not mind reading for the zillionth time. She parked herself against the wall and began reading the thick, hardcover book. She just hoped that she did not nod off again.

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Shego entered the apartment and sighed. She was glad to be home; maybe she was going to burn herself out because of the way that she felt, she considered. She was going to go down in a blaze of green glory, though. It was going to be fun and that was the whole point to everything. It was all just fun.

The pale woman went to her room and noticed that her bed was empty. She was certain that she had left her sickly little imp lying peacefully in the bed before she went out. She sighed to herself; she knew that she should not have left that loopy brat alone. She did not think that her elf could do too much damage since she was sick, but it seemed that she was wrong. That kid just did not know what was good for her, Shego believed.

The green-skinned female went to search the apartment for her loony pet. She first went to the loft, knowing that her little urchin had a very bad habit of cramming for exams up there. She found her pet in her area, slumped over and in a dead, uncomfortable-looking sleep; the expression on the kid's face showed that the sleep was practically atrocious. Shego shook her head and wondered what she should do with the kid. Should she leave her girl where she was? Should she put the girl in her own bed? Or should she take Kim to her favorite spot, namely Shego's bed? She was not sure, but she did what she thought was best.

Shego gathered Kim in her arms and carried her pet to her bedroom. She lay Kim down and then decided to take a shower since she was sober enough to consider the option. Kim woke up hardly a few minutes after being placed in the bed. She shook her head, trying her best to expel those horrid images from her brain. She looked around and saw that she was in her mistress' bed. She leaped out of the bed as if it was covered in some terrible disease that she feared contracting.

The redhead was not too sure how she had gotten in the bed, but she did not really care. The main point was that she just wanted to get out and she did just that. She fled the room like a frightened child and went back to the slight safety of the loft; it was better than being in that room, in that bed. She figured that if she had to be in a bed, she would much rather be in her own at the moment. She hoped that it would lessen her chance of having those nightmares because she knew for a fact that if she was sleeping in her master's bed, it would not do her any good, especially since that was where most of her nightmares took place.

Shego came back into her room and immediately noticed that her bed was empty again. She wondered what happened to her lunatic pet. She sucked her teeth and went to find the girl again. She checked the kitchen, assuming her greedy girl was trying to sneak some junk food. But, her monster was not in there. She went back to the loft and was stunned to see her pet was curled up in her own bed. Shego wondered why her little monster did not want to share her bed.

"She doesn't want to sleep next to me?" Shego asked herself and a part of her, a huge part, was actually incredibly hurt by that fact. More than her pride was wounded, which she sort of expected, but her heart was injured; although she tried her best to not acknowledge that. She thought that her rascally monster would always want to share her bed. She could not believe that she had been wrong.

The raven-haired woman told herself that she did not care that her stupid pet did not want to sleep next to her. She did not care if her mischievous munchkin wanted to sleep in the filthy loft on a flat mattress. She belonged up there anyway. There were rules that she was supposed to follow and it was about time that she was following them. Yeah, so, Shego decided that she did not care if her troublesome brat was sleeping in her own bed for once. Despite all of that, she hoped that it did not become a standard thing for her pet to sleep up there.

--------------------

Kim was having trouble sitting up in her chair for breakfast, again. Her headache was getting worse with every sleepless night that she had. She was sick of the nightmares, but she did not know what to do about them, aside for stay awake. Her master walked by her and rubbed her head, so she smiled because of the attention.

"Morning, monster," Shego greeted her pet.

"Hey," Kim muttered in a very low voice. She actually felt better than she looked and sounded because she did like that her head had been petted.

"You still look pretty sick," Shego noted. She thought that perhaps her pet had not slept next to her last night out of consideration. Maybe her pet did not want to chance passing on her illness because the girl did look very much under the weather.

"I'm all right. I just haven't been getting any sleep," the redhead admitted.

"Want me to buy you some sleeping pills?" Shego offered.

"No. Once finals go by, I should be okay. It's just finals," Kim lied.

"You sure?" the pale woman persisted. It seemed to be beyond her exams. Her pet looked as if she had one foot in the grave and being the caring master that she never would admit to being, she was concerned about her little monster.

"Uh-huh."

Shego nodded to show that she understood, even though she was very worried about her brat. She figured that the kid could very well be suffering because of her million and one finals; she knew it was not that many, but it did seem like Kim had to take a lot of tests during finals' week. She believed that once all of the exams were out of the way, her pet could get some much needed rest and go back to normal.

Kim sighed; what lie was she going to tell once finals' week was over? She would have to think of something, unless of course, her nightmares finally ended. She figured that things should eventually halt if she endured the nightmares for a little longer. After all, she just had to get used to the idea of her beloved master having a boyfriend. She knew it was coming, after all; so, she just had to get used to it. That made sense to her anyway.

The mistress and pet went about their day as usual. They came in after having typical day and relaxed for a while and then when Kim was sleeping, Shego prepared to go hang out with Junior. It felt like she was sneaking around, as if she did not wish for her pet to know how she spent her nights; or more specifically, who she spent her nights with. She was not sure why that was since Kim was only her pet again, so she should not be so bothered if the girl knew what she did and who she did it with.

Besides, it was not like she had done anything with Junior aside for hang out with him. All they did was dance and get drunk together; that was all. It was just eating, dancing, and drinking.

Okay, maybe it was not just eating, dancing, and getting drunk. Every now and then, she did share a kiss with the sapphire-eyed young man. It was always a drunken embrace, brought on by way too much alcohol in both of their systems. But, those kisses did not mean anything, Shego told herself. They were just partying together and that did not mean anything. She was not sneaking around.

"Ready to go, pretty lady?" Junior asked in his smooth voice. He was standing by the door; she did not like it when he tried to walk around in her apartment, so she always insisted that he stand right by the door.

"Yeah, one second," Shego replied.

The green-skinned woman grabbed her purse, which she only used when she was wearing a skirt and she was wearing a black one at the moment. She walked into the living room, where her little monster was knocked out on the sofa; she had only been out for less than an hour. She brushed her girl's hair out of her face and kissed her cheek.

"Rest up, kid. I know you deserve it," Shego said before leaving with Junior.

---------------------

Kim woke up as if she had been startled by loud noise, but the apartment was silent. She held her chest, hoping that her heart would calm down along with her breathing. She noticed that she was on the couch. She rubbed her eyes and wondered what time it was. She looked around for her mistress, recalling that she had fallen asleep against the older woman. There was no sign of Shego, though. Kim glanced at the time and saw that it was past midnight. She guessed that her mistress had gone out with Junior.

"I guess I can wait for her. It's not like sleeping does me any good," Kim decided. She had been out on the couch for less than two hours. It would have to do for the rest of the day and last her into tomorrow. Hey, two hours was more than she had been getting most days lately.

The slender adventurer went up to the loft to retrieve something to do. She grabbed a book that she had not read yet; she had gotten a few new books recently since she was trying her best to become an insomniac. She pulled out a few highlighters; she had a system when it came to marking up her books. She also grabbed a pen to make notes on the pages; it was a habit that she had always had as far as she knew. She figured that all of the brain activity should keep her up until her master came in.

The petite redhead was aware that Shego usually came in at about five or six in the morning when she went out with Junior. She stayed out with Junior almost like it was a job, the scientist thought, because of the hours that they kept together. She figured that if her mistress did not have those super powers, she would have dropped from exhaustion a long time go. She bet that the only reason Junior could go out like he did was because he did not have a job to do in the day like Shego did. Well, at least it was her mistress' day off, so when she came in, there would be time for her to monopolize her master's time.

She supposed that the one good thing about Shego dating Junior, in comparison to when she was dating Drakken, was that Junior did not show up out of the blue. In the daytime, Shego was all hers, which she liked, of course. She wondered if things would stay that way. Would Junior keep having Shego's nights and she keep having Shego during the day? Something was telling her that was going to be very doubtful and that was pretty much confirmed as the morning pressed on. The sun greeted her by gracing the world with its presence long before her pale owner returned home.

The redhead had finished her book by the time that she heard the front door open. She did not have it in her to leap down and embrace her mistress. All of her energy had abandoned her days ago; her body had been running on memory, working automatically from old habits. It did not help matters that her master had come in so late, or earlier depending on who was telling the time. She just sat up in the loft and watched the green-skinned woman make her way to the bathroom. It was already noon.

The sullen pet tried her best to not think about what Shego might have been doing with Junior for twelve or so hours. She attempted to not think of it, but her mind flooded her with all sorts of wild images from her nightmares. He had gotten to see her mistress; she was so certain of that. He had gotten to touch her mistress more than likely. He had gotten to caress and stroke her mistress. He had gotten to embrace her mistress deeply and intimately.

The thoughts did not make Kim particularly angry, but she did get upset. Tears welled up in her leaf-colored eyes as she realized that she just would never get to experience anything that Junior had. It was jealousy, maybe even envy, but she was overtaken by the emotion. She just could not see what he had seen. She could not do what he had done. Shego would never be hers like she had been his.

The tired hero leaped down from her perch without any instruction from her brain. Her legs moved on their own toward the bathroom door. Her hand reached out for the doorknob as if it did not require orders to do so. She opened the door to where her mistress was. She entered the bathroom without permission, startling her owner.

"Princess, what the hell are you doing?" Shego demanded to know.

The pale woman was about to get into the shower, which was running. She had only just begun to undress. She had gotten far enough to where she had taken off her shirt, but nothing else. She moved her arms to cover her breasts, thinking that her pet was trying to be the little pervert that she sometimes could be. Kim took a step deeper into the bathroom.

"Pumpkin, what the hell do you want?" the raven-haired woman inquired. Her irksome pet was not making her day any better after all that she had gone through with such inappropriate behavior and it was pissing her off already. Generally, she could take her monster's shenanigans for a while before getting really angry, but not that day. It was definitely not a good day for her brat to be a complete and total monster.

Kim did not answer the question. She only came closer to her mistress. Shego was about to bark at her troublesome pet because she seriously did not feel like being annoyed at the moment, but the slender hero surprised her again. The redhead reached out and seized the older woman's wrists. Shego frowned as she realized that her elf was actually trying to move her arms from where they were.

"Pumpkin, what the fuck?" Shego demanded to know why her munchkin was acting so strangely.

The impish scientist was not really thinking as she acted. She could see her arms moving to grab her mistress' arms, but they did not seem like her arms. It was as if every part of her was moving without her brain's consent. She could not stop herself it seemed and she continued to try to move her owner's arms from in front of her breasts.

Kim's behavior was almost frightening, but the emerald-eyed woman was not about to be scared of her own pet; she was the one in charge, after all. She also was not about to move her arms to let the little lecher sneak a peek. She would like to see her pet muster the strength to move her limbs. And then suddenly, her arms were separated like a wishbone and she was bare to Kim…in a way anyway.

What the hell was going on, Shego wondered in a slight panic. Why was her pet acting so oddly? And why had the girl actually been able to part her arms like that to gawk at her? What the hell was going on?

----------------------

Next time: Shego's reaction to this mess. But, really, just what the hell is Kim doing?


	14. Gag Fourteen: Vanished

I don't own these characters and I don't own this premise.

Gag Fourteen: Vanished

_I don't know what the hell I'm doing. I really don't. Why am I in here? Why am I staring at her like this? Not that it's not a great sight or anything, but I don't know why I'm doing it. I should just leave before she hits me or something for being so bad, but my legs aren't moving and neither are my eyes. My eyes are staying right where they are, even thought they shouldn't and I know they shouldn't. I tell them to stop, but they just keep on looking. I don't know what's wrong with me. I shouldn't be doing this. I shouldn't be here. I need to get out of here._

Shego was confused for a number of reasons. She had been getting ready to take a shower when her pet had suddenly burst into the room. Why? The pale woman had no clue as to the reason, but she guessed that her monster was attempting to catch a glimpse of her in the nude; the kid could be a little pervert sometimes, after all. She had moved her arms to cover herself since she was lacking a shirt, but nothing more. And then, her pet had surprisingly grabbed her wrists. She thought that she could hold Kim off without any problem from looking at her, but the redhead had actually managed to move her master's arms with little difficulty; Kim made it seem as if it was extra simple and oh, so easy.

The slender hero stared down at her mistress' breasts, which were covered by a black lace bra, so she was not seeing much; it was still a big violation as far as Shego was concerned. Kim still eyed the light green flesh that she had uncovered, thus angering her master with every passing second, especially since she did not understand or get an explanation as to why her elf was being so blatantly perverse. She was about to holler at her rascal, loudly, profanely, and like it was the only way to get through to her stupid little monkey, but her pet spoke up first.

"They're not as big as I thought they were. I've imagined them bigger, fuller. They feel bigger than they look. It might be because I have such small hands. That's probably it. My hands are so small…." Kim trailed off in a mumble.

"Princess, get the fuck out of here now!" Shego commanded in the loudest, angriest tone that she could manage as she finally yanked her hands away from the adventurer. Surprisingly enough, as pissed as she was, she did not even think to hit her bad-ass brat.

"I don't care that they're not as big as I thought. It was just that in my head, they were bigger…" the hero continued to mumble. She was not sure why she was saying those words or even what she was talking about, but that did not seem to stop her mouth from moving.

"Pumpkin, leave now!" Shego screamed at the top of her lungs.

Kim nodded and she turned to leave the bathroom, shutting the door behind her as she exited. Shego rushed to the door and locked it to prevent her pet from just barging in again. She actually felt violated by what had just happened. What the hell had just happened?

The petite hero had looked very odd in Shego's opinion. She knew that her pet was more than likely battling illness, but that did not explain why she had come into the bathroom babbling and gawking; it also did not excuse the fact that she had just crossed the line with her behavior. Shego had noted the bags that were underneath Kim's eyes, but she noticed that same thing days ago. Her pet had said that she was not sleeping well because of finals. Had her pet just cracked under the pressure of exams? She was not sure, but she considered that it was a possibility.

Shego figured that she would get an explanation after her shower. She did wonder where her little monster had gotten such strength from. How had her imp managed to pry her arms apart in order to stare at her breasts as she had done? She did not think that such a little girl had such power in her, even if she was the great Kim Possible. She guessed that it did not help matters that she was just used to Kim being her goofy pet, her submissive, helpless, and utterly dependent pet. As far as she was concerned, Kim should not have been able to move her with an eighteen-wheel truck. It unnerved her a bit to know that she was not truly omnipotent when it came to her pet. She was the master, after all, so she was supposed to be all-powerful.

The emerald-eyed female tried not to think about what just happened as she continued to shower because it was only going to upset her. She was tired and she did not need something so bothersome on her mind, she decided. Junior really knew how to party and she was worn out; it had not helped matters that she partied just as hard as he did. They had closed down the last club that they had been at and by that time, they found that the sun was creeping into the sky. He had suggested breakfast and she concurred if only to get the taste of tequila out of her mouth. They had staggered into his hotel and he proposed that they go to his room and he could order up room service. She had not argued, which was against her better judgment because she was so drunk, and they had gone up to his room. They had collapsed on his bed before the food ever showed up; they had been just wiped from their wild night lives.

She recalled when she had regained consciousness and noticed that she was lying next to Junior. She had panicked on the inside because of the situation that she had been in and the thoughts that ran through her mind, but she remained calm on the outside to avoid waking him up. Had she been so messed up that she had actually slept with Junior? The very idea almost made her throw up. Granted, she did not have many standards when it came to jumping into bed with a guy, but she had come to believe that if she did anything with Junior, then she might never be able to get rid of him. He had already had the stupid notion in his mind that they were more than hang-out partners; she believed that hitting the sheets with him would only confirm that ridiculous idea and there was no way in hell that she was going to let that well-groomed gorilla think she was his woman or something like that. She was not looking to jump into another relationship at the moment anyway, but especially not with Junior.

Shego was fairly certain that she had not had sex with Junior. Sure, his hand had been somewhere that she did not want it, but she was still fully dressed. She had even had her shoes on, but she did take into consideration that she was wearing a skirt. She inspected her clothes, which had not been extremely wrinkled. Her skirt had not been hiked up and she had thankfully still been wearing her underwear.

"That was pretty close," Shego muttered to herself with a sigh of relief.

If sleeping with Junior would not almost certainly bring more trouble in her life than she needed, the green-skinned woman was almost sure that she would have had sex with him a long time ago. If she could just go to bed with him with no strings attached, she believed that she would have because that was what her past behavior dictated. He was handsome and he moved well on the dance floor; she was willing to bet that he moved well in bed too because of his rhythm. She suspected that she would have had to gag him if she ever did sleep with him. She shook that thought away; she was never going to sleep with him and that was the end of it.

The raven-haired woman finished washing up and exited the bathroom. She went and made herself some breakfast since she had never gotten the meal while she was with Junior; she was too busy silently escaping his suite and making sure that she did not wake him up to think about breakfast anyway. The sapphire-eyed young man was still unconscious when Shego left; he could not hold his liquor as well as she could. She made herself an omelet and she called for her pet to see if the redhead wanted any food. Her beckon was not answered.

"Pumpkin?" Shego summoned her pet again, but she still did not get a response.

The pale woman searched the apartment and found that she was all alone. She did not think too much of it; her munchkin probably just needed some air or something with the weird way that she had been acting. She went to have her breakfast and then she went to bed; she was worn out. She was sleeping within seconds.

-----------------------------

Shego rose from her bed in the evening. She went out to living room, assuming that her girl would be out there. She was wrong; she was still very much alone in the apartment. She did not mind being alone because she still disliked how Kim had behaved earlier in the day. She was not sure what was going through that kid's head, but she felt like her brat had better get her act together soon or there would be some major problems. She was not looking to deal with her runt acting out of order way beyond her usual mischief.

She then began to think about how her girl had moved her arms so effortlessly. She was a strong kid, Shego thought. Where had she gotten that strength from? Had she always had it and just never bothered to show it? What if she did something really just bugged out with that strength? Not that Shego was uncertain that she could not take the kid if she did snap and do something off-the-wall. She did not care if her pet was some big, legendary hero. She was still sure that she could take her pet out if need be. After all, she was the mistress and Kim was the pet. She was the one that was in charge.

Although she was in charge, she still thought about how effortlessly Kim had parted her arms. She did not think it was so easy to move her. She had never come across someone who could just pull her limbs like that, except maybe her mother. She doubted that Betty could even move her with such little difficulty. It was bugging her, bugging her so much that she did not notice that her girl had not come in until she was about to go to bed for the night.

"Where the hell is that girl?" Shego wondered.

The pale woman considered that Kim might be out doing her "save the world" thing, so she tried not to think too much on the fact that her pet was still M.I.A. She went to bed and got some sleep; well, she made the attempted to get some sleep. She was bothered by the fact that her pet had not come in yet and also by the way that her brat had acted earlier. There was also the fact that she believed that her irksome pet was ill and the idiotic brat had not come in yet. She sighed; her pet was just too much sometimes. Why did she even bother, she asked herself; she knew the answer to that question, even though she would not admit it to herself at the moment.

-------(Next day)

"Damn it, you look like hell," Doctor Director commented as she by Shego's desk to drop off a folder.

"Didn't your mother ever teach you that lame ass proverb about not saying something nice?" Shego retorted. She looked as worn out as she felt. She had stayed up all night worrying about where her sick pet was; no, the girl never came in. She did not know what to do or think.

"Probably, but we both know I just nod my head whenever she talks since it gets her to shut up faster," the chief remarked with a shrug.

"This is true. So, what's this?" the younger woman inquired while looking down at the innocent-looking folder. Nothing coming from the boss was as innocent as it looked, though.

"Your last reports weren't up to the new department standards," the one-eyed female replied.

"Department what?" Shego asked with a puzzled expression on her face. She had no idea that the department had standards when it came to anything, especially writing reports. She could have sworn that reports just had to answer the five "w's" in something that resembled English.

"We just got these new standards," the chief sighed. It seemed that her department was moving up in the world if someone was looking to make their lives hell by trying to make her officers' reports readable. She had heard many smart-aleck remarks about them being law enforcers, not novelists and all she could do was reply that most novelists had high school diplomas, so she knew they were not novelists.

"Son of a bastard," the younger woman sighed too. She would hate to have to put the effort into something as stupid and dull as her reports.

"I concur," Betty muttered. All she wanted from the reports was for them to give her a vague idea as to what happened on their assignments and that was good enough. After all, most of her agents dealt with things that could hardly be put into words. "But, at least we're getting some well deserved respect now. The standards are in the folder and you just have to fix up the few that are in there. So, what's with the look?" she inquired as a friend worried about her only friend pretty much.

"My pet has lost what little mind she had," Shego informed the older female.

"I was unaware that she had a little mind to lose," the boss remarked.

"I know."

"What did she do?" Betty asked to get a gauge on why her friend looked so tired and bothered.

"She didn't come in last night and she's sick," Shego reported. She hated to think what might have happened to her little monster out there late at night and as sickly as she thought the girl was. Her pest might be lying in an alleyway somewhere, bleeding, and/or unconscious, or worse.

"And?" Betty asked on a whim. She was only guessing that there was more because she thought that the fact that the brat did not come in was enough to cause Shego to look the way that she was. After all, she knew how her friend felt about that useless kid.

"She was acting really weird yesterday. She came into the bathroom while I was about to take a shower," the green-skinned woman reported.

"You don't lock the door?" the brunette asked almost incredulously. She bet that little brat sneaked peeks all of the time if that was the case.

"This is the first time that she ever did that."

"I'm shocked," Betty admitted. She would have bet big money that the annoying brat would have been creeping into the bathroom every chance that she got to catch a glimpse of Shego.

"Yeah, so was I when she came in. She sort of stumbled into the bathroom when I was about get into the shower and she just stared at my boobs," the raven-haired officer stated. She said the words as if she was not bothered by the whole event, but she was still irked by what occurred.

"So, she was just being her usual perverted self?" the onyx-eyed woman guessed.

"I thought that at first, but it didn't seem that way. She was mumbling something about how her hands are small or some bull like that. She seemed really out of it, like a zombie. It was almost like she didn't even know what she was doing. She's just been acting really weird. I thought it might be because she's sick, but I don't know what to do," Shego confessed. She really did not know what to do with her pet, not that it mattered at the moment since her pet had not come home.

"You shouldn't worry so much, I guess. You've been through much worse with the little brat," Betty pointed out. Those two had been through everything except a second flood, she mentally commented.

"But, she's never acted so weird before," the emerald-eyed officer countered.

"Give her some time. The little idiot will more than likely get her act together on her own. You should give her a few days before you freak out about her. I mean, she's probably just a bit messed up because you're dating Junior behind her back," the one-eyed woman said.

"I'm not dating Junior and I'm not doing anything behind her back," the younger woman insisted.

"She doesn't know about him, right?"

"Well, no, but she's just a pet and she doesn't need to know about him. She doesn't know about him."

"Or at least that's what you think," Betty remarked.

The pale woman wanted to argue that point, but she found it difficult to do so. She would like to believe that she could put something over on her little monster if she so desired, but she remembered that her pet was a genius. It was easy to forget that fact with the way that the redhead behaved most of the time, but she was a genius. Shego was not too sure how her pet's "genius" worked. Was it confined to the realm of science and math? Did it extend further than that, like into her fighting ability? She knew one thing and that was that her munchkin lacked common sense, so that was definitely in her favor. Was she really getting away with anything, though?

"She might be upset that you haven't told her about Junior," the one-eyed woman offered since her friend was speechless at the moment.

"She probably doesn't know about him," the raven-haired female lamely argued.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe she just felt like being a pervert. She is like that, after all," Betty commented since it was just as plausible as everything else that she said and it was probably what her friend wanted to hear, she guessed.

"She is," Shego conceded. She would like to believe that her monster was just being a pervert, but she had a feeling that it was more than that. Just from the way her pet had looked, her actions had to be more than her being lecherous.

"Just be cool and make sure you fix those reports," Doctor Director ordered.

"Hmmm…I'm looking for two words," the moss-hued woman replied since they were back to talking about work.

"Ah," the chief grunted, knowing what those two words were. She decided to walk away before they got into an argument at an inappropriate time. They both did have work to do too and they both went about their business; Shego could not believe the crap that she had to put up with.

-------------------------

Shego moved around her kitchen as if she was a woman with a purpose. She was making dinner with some vigor. More specifically, she was making ravioli; her pet often begged for it, but she never made it before. It was not a type of pasta that she particularly liked, not that she had much love for any pasta. She just thought that the pasta would make her pet feel better if that girl ever came back home. Kim had not come back after her odd behavior.

The raven-haired female was not sure why she felt like she was rewarding Kim for acting so weird and for gawking at her. The dinner was not so much a reward or encouragement for her pet to act so brazen again, but more like a bribe to keep her home when she did come in. The emerald-eyed martial artist did not acknowledge that fact, but she really did want Kim to come back to a warm environment to keep her from leaving again.

But, the petite adventurer did not come in that night either. Shego put the ravioli away in the refrigerator because she knew that her pet would be hungry when she finally did come back. She did alternate from being angry with her wayward girl and worried about her. She was both upset and concerned with the fact that her imp had been missing for a whole day and a half. Where the hell was that kid?

She tried to remind herself that Kim could take care of herself, but as usual, the only thing that she could think about was how she found that kid all those years ago. If someone got the drop on the slender redhead, then it was very much feasible that her girl was lying dead in an alley somewhere or that she was at the bottom of a lake or drifting down the river. Thoughts like that kept Shego awake and made her want to go look for her pet, but she would not know where to begin since Kim could be almost anywhere in the universe.

Shego was livid because of several things. The first was that there was a person on the planet that could make her feel so worried and saddened with an unexpected absence. The way that she felt about Kim infuriated her because the feeling had just sneaked up on her, even though it had been there for such a long time. She hated that there was a person that could bring any emotions out in her aside for annoyance and Kim could make her feel so many emotions that she did not even want to acknowledge existed.

The next thing that vexed the pale woman to no end was, of course, that her brat had the nerve to stay out for two days and she did not say a word about it. It did not help matters that she had disappeared while acting so very crazy and the fact that she was probably sick. So, she was angry with the girl for doing something so unbelievably stupid.

Shego stayed up all night because she was so worried and that bothered her too. She imagined all sorts of different scenarios where her little monster just faired horribly against the elements and the outside world. After all, her pet needed her and she was out on her own, so who knew what kind of trouble she was getting into. With all of that on her mind, it would have been impossible for her to sleep, even if she desired to do so. She hated to think about her pet being cold, hungry, and all alone. And then her mind offered up a very wild situation; what if her pet had gone out and found a new mistress?

Kim had been acting so very strange, so it did not seem as farfetched to her as it should that her pet had gone out and gotten a new mistress. The pale woman did think about how easily and readily Kim had accepted being her pet all because she had sort of shown the girl some kindness. What if she was in need again and some other person assisted her then?

What if that person made her pasta all of the time and did not grunt when she hugged that person? Or what if that person did not tease her while she was sleeping, like tickling her nose or something? What if that person did not set out so many rules? What if that person was gorgeous and allowed Kim to sleep with her? Kim would probably easily accept that person as her new master. She could just picture her monster being led off by some glamorous looking woman with a new expensive collar and on a leash.

"She probably would just go live with some other woman," Shego muttered to herself while holding her arms over her chest in a huff. She was a bit surprised by the vivid image that she was getting as she did not recollect ever having such an active imagination.

She loathed thinking that her pet might have just left her and gone off with some new mistress. She actually felt that was worse than the redhead being in an alley, bleeding from every visible part of her body. She did not want her elf to run off with some other woman no matter what and she hoped that was not the case. Her shrimp had better just be staying with a friend or something. The moss-hued woman decided to remember to get her monster's friends' numbers when she came back to have people to call if the wandering soul ever pulled such a stunt again.

--------(Next day)

Shego made herself a bagel and egg for breakfast that morning. She was dressed to go to work, even though she was not so certain that she was going to be able to go to work since she was still overwrought about her missing munchkin. She had attempted to call her pet last night after a while, but she did not get an answer. She had stayed up, staring at her phone and wondering if she should try to call again. She felt too tired and stressed out to go to work now thanks to her night. She believed that she could make it work despite everything, which was why she had gotten dressed. She read her paper like she did every morning, but it was not as enjoyable as it usually was. The morning just was not that same without her girl.

The apartment owner quickly finished her meal and grabbed her things while heading toward the door. It certainly seemed like she was going to make it to work, even though she felt like she had been run over by a bus. She did not mind going to work because if something happened, it would more than likely help her forget about her missing pet for a few minutes at least. She opened the door and there stood her monster, posed to knock it would seem; she had more than likely forgotten or lost her keys, again.

Shego stared at her munchkin for a long moment; it seemed like an eternity to her. She could not believe how messed up the redhead appeared. Her dull crimson mane was going off in every direction there was. She had dirt smudges on face and she looked very much worn out. Shego now wondered what in the hell happened to her girl and what had the little mutant been through.

"Shego," Kim weakly groaned and then she fell forward.

The pale woman reacted without thinking and caught her pet immediately. Kim landed lightly against her distressed mistress. Shego stared down at Kim to see that she was unconscious. Shego quickly checked for a pulse to make sure that her loony pet was not dead. She wondered what the hell had happened to her petite elf.

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Next time: what happened to Kim and what will Shego do?


	15. Gag Fifteen: Side effect

I don't own these characters and I don't own this premise.

Gag Fifteen: Side-effect

_I suppose since no one alive will ever know this, I can admit it; I was worried sick for my little pest. I was close to frantic when she fell out in the doorway. I actually nearly cried tears of joy when I felt a pulse that signaled that she wasn't dead, only unconscious. This little brat, I don't know when or how she got to me, but she's there now and I want… I need her to stay. I will take care of her and I want her to know that. She's in good hands. I want her to believe that, I want her to know that. I will take care of her. She can always depend on me because I will take care of her._

Kim had her eyes closed. She felt … good. She felt better now than she had in about two weeks. She wondered why that was; not that she was complaining or anything. She decided to open her eyes and see why she was feeling so much better. Hey, she was a curious creature.

She saw that she was on the sofa in the living room of her home. She would have laughed, but she did not have the strength to do so. She had thought that being in the house was her problem, but she had recently learned that the location did not matter. She had left the house, thinking that she could get some sleep somewhere else because she now knew that she really needed some sleep; the way that she had acted the last time that she was home proved that she required a few straight hours of rest. She had attempted to catch up on her sleep on a park bench, but she still was plagued by evil images as soon as she shut her eyes before a cop came along and woke her up. She was ordered to move along, which she did. She supposed that she was fortunate that she had not been arrested, even though she would have just tried to use the time to get some sleep.

After resting on the park bench, Kim had gone to sleep for a little while in an alley. In her opinion, it was not as bad as many people would think; many people would also consider her out of her mind. She would admit that it was nothing compared to sleeping in a warm apartment, in a comfortable bed, curled up next to the woman that she loved. She had met the same fate in the alley as she had in the park; once again, she did not mind that a cop had woken her up because she had been having her usual nightmares. She had still been thankful that she had not been arrested; sure, she could have tried to get some sleep, but she was a little embarrassed whenever she did get arrested.

Then the redhead had gotten a brilliant idea, in her opinion anyway. She wandered to the subway station and curled up in the cleanest corner that she could find; it was not saying much compared to actual clean places, but she was not very picky. The trains came through about every three minutes, so she could not get into a deep sleep and then she figured that she would not be able to have any nightmares. She had not gotten a good sleep since it was noisy and humid in the subway, but she had tried her best to get in a few minutes if only to function properly. She still had her nightmares, but with the trains coming through regularly, she did not have time to worry about getting very deep into the dreams. Once again, a police officer found her and told her to move along and she decided to not press her luck that third time. She returned home to avoid getting arrested and only remembered making it to the door of the apartment.

"You're up. Hungry?" Shego asked as she noticed that the redhead had her eyes opened.

"Shego," the younger female gasped and she looked utterly confused.

"Yeah, that's my name."

"I'm home?" Kim inquired in a bewildered tone.

"You do live here. Hungry?" Shego asked again. She was willing to bet that the girl was famished. If the way that she looked when she arrived was any indication of things, Kim probably had not eaten since she left.

Kim shook her head and then held her head. She had a beastly headache. She winced and then hissed in pain because of the pounding in her skull. Shego was over to her within the blink of an eye and gently feeling the girl's forehead to check for a fever; it seemed that she just could not remember that her body temperature was much too high for her to be able to tell if her pet had a fever or not. She was too concerned for the redhead to recollect such small, yet important details about herself.

"Pumpkin, are you okay?" Shego asked in a low voice. She was trying to keep her cool, but she was very worried for her pet.

"I'm just so tired. So tired," Kim whispered in a weak voice. She had not gotten more than an hour sleep on average for about two weeks.

"Then go back to sleep," the pale woman said in a gentle tone.

"Back to sleep?" the redhead echoed and then she shook her head vigorously to disagree with that plan, even though it was not helping her headache to do such a thing. It was as if sleeping was the worst thing that she had ever heard of.

"Yeah, come on."

"No!" Kim objected vehemently. She did not want to sleep anymore. She did not want to see her mistress having sex with Junior anymore. She hated her mind and her imagination for showing her such ghastly scenes over and over again.

Shego was shocked by her monster's conviction in not desiring to go to sleep. She did not think that there was a time when her munchkin would decline on a nap. She was not about to let that go no matter what the girl wanted since it was fairly evident that she required rest. She had to do what was best for her little pest, whether the redhead liked it or not because that was what a good master would do.

The green-skinned woman gathered her weak pet in her arms; Kim could only moan lightly as a protest to such treatment. The redhead did try in vain to push her way out of her owner's strong grip, but it did not work out well. She whimpered when they entered Shego's room. The raven-haired woman ignored the sounds coming from her troublesome brat and gently placed Kim down on her side of the bed, much to Kim's horror. The slender hero tried her best to escape the bed.

"Stay," Shego commanded in a very stern voice. She was not letting her monster leave, no matter what the kid wanted. She seriously needed sleep and she was going to get it.

"I don't want to sleep," Kim whined, thinking that would be the best way to get her way. Her mistress usually responded to her whining.

"Too bad," the elder female replied as she went to the other side of the bed.

"Shego!" Kim practically cried out as if she was in some kind of agony. It did pain her to even consider sleeping in the bed.

"Be quiet and go to sleep," the pale woman ordered as she eased into bed. She pressed herself against the smaller female to help relax her.

"Shego…" the girl said in a low, almost feeble voice. The comfortable and secure space was already getting to her.

"Go to sleep," Shego repeated.

Kim attempted to protest, but it did not work out. She did not know it, but within a couple of minutes, she was sleeping as soundly as worn out kitten. Shego looked down at her pet and could only wonder about the girl and what happened. She supposed that she would get the story later on when her pet was completely well, even though part of her really did not want to know what Kim did in her off-time if it left her in such a sorry state.

When the slim adventurer woke up, she noticed where she was and it mystified her. She scratched her head and sat up. She looked at the clock and noticed that it was early in the evening. She wondered what was going on and why she had not had her usual nightmares if she was sleeping where she was, not that she was complaining or anything. It was great that she had not had her usual nightmares, of course, but she was still puzzled by that fact.

Kim got up from bed and wandered out into the living room. She yawned, still feeling extremely worn out. She could smell food being prepared and her stomach growled, loud enough to catch her mistress' attention.

"Princess, you up?" Shego called from kitchen.

"Yeah. I was…asleep?" Kim wondered in a low voice. She had really slept without having her nightmares; it amazed her. She was almost accustomed to having the nightmares, even though they kept her awake and ruined her sleep. She was just astonished to have had a peaceful sleep without having to be knocked unconscious or something worse than that.

Shego went out into the living room to see how her pet looked. She had to admit that the slender hero looked much better now compared to when she saw earlier. She caressed her pet's head and Kim's eyes drooped just a bit; she was undoubtedly affected because of the attention that she was getting. She understood that getting her head touched by her owner was like her kryptonite; she hoped that the secret did not get out.

"Had a good sleep?" the green-skinned female inquired.

"Yeah…" Kim sounded so bemused and she truly was. Why was she suddenly able to sleep after so many days without being able to close her eyes lest she see abominations?

"Are you hungry now?" the older woman asked in a gentle voice. It would have shocked people that knew Shego to hear her speak in such a tone and that included her one and only friend.

"Um…" The redhead's stomach answered that question for her by growling again just as loudly as before.

"When was the last time you ate?" Shego asked.

"Um…I dunno," the olive-eyed female muttered. She was not sure the last time that she ate. It was probably the last time that Shego made a meal for her since she had left the apartment without any money and it did not occur to her to go to a friend's house for anything while she was out. When she left, all she had been thinking about was sleeping somewhere, anywhere. She just wanted to sleep without seeing crimes against nature occur; any other things were secondary to her.

"Oh, Princess," Shego sighed the name. "You need to take better care of yourself if you're going to take off for a little while."

"I'm sorry," the girl apologized in a low tone. She usually could take care of herself, by her own standards, but she had just been so awfully tired.

The raven-haired woman could tell that her pet was still in a daze and not completely well just yet; she did not expect Kim to get over her illness so quickly anyway. She continued to pet her girl's head to help keep her relaxed and at ease. She led Kim to the sofa and sat down. She made the redhead sit down too and then pulled the hero's head to rest in her lap.

"Go back to sleep for a little while," Shego suggested as she continued to massage the adventurer's head.

"Do I…?" the petite scientist yawned before she could get out her question.

"Go to sleep. I'll wake you up when dinner's ready."

"Pasta?"

"Maybe."

"Good…" Kim breathed out the word as her eyes fluttered closed and she fell back to sleep.

Shego stared down at her little monster. She was glad that the girl was home and in one piece. It was a relief, especially considering how the redhead had shown up at the door in the early morning and practically fainted on her. She had taken her girl to the couch, thinking that she would wake up in a few minutes. She had come back to find her pet had fallen on the floor and was thrashing about as if she was attempting to escape from something or someone. She then had collected her obviously tormented imp and set her back on the couch. She noticed immediately that Kim calmed down while in her arms, so she held onto her girl as she slept and that seemed to end whatever Hell the kid was going through.

After a while, Shego had disturbed her girl's sleep for a moment because she thought that Kim would feel happier if she were clean; she knew that she would be happier if Kim were clean, especially since she would smell better. She had run a bath for Kim and the redhead had wandered into the bathroom with her eyes closed. She had to wash Kim because the girl just fell asleep in the bathtub; she would have drowned if Shego had not been there. She had also put the girl in fresh clothes and then returned to the sofa to let Kim rest peacefully.

"Don't worry, Kimmie. I'll take good care of you," Shego vowed while rubbing her pet's back to make sure that she remained asleep.

The slender hero whimpered a bit in her sleep, but it was not a pained or distressed sound. It was just a tiny noise and then she turned over to bury her head in Shego's abdomen. The pale woman cuddled her pet and sat with her until she had to check on their meal. When she returned, it seemed that her rascal was back to being tortured in her sleep because she was tossing and turning almost violently on the sofa. Shego sighed and shook her head before simply shaking her monster awake. Kim sat up as if she had been electrocuted awake. She looked panicked for a long moment.

"You okay?" Shego asked while caressing Kim's cheek, hoping to calm the little scientist down.

"I think so. How long have I been asleep?" the younger woman inquired.

"Only for about fifteen minutes. Come on, dinner's done."

"Pasta?" the redhead hoped.

"You've got a one-tracked mind. Come on."

"Did I already ask that? It seems that way," Kim commented while scratching the top of her head. She was apparently still not totally together, but she seemed much better now than when she had first showed up at the door.

Shego smiled a bit and just rubbed the top of her pet's head, which made her pet smile slightly. She led her girl to the table and forced her to sit down, not that she needed to force her to. She once again petted Kim's head as she walked away toward the kitchen. She came back with a bowl and she put it down in front of her petite monster. Kim stared down at the food and then she grinned, finally looking like she had some life in her.

"Ravioli!" the redhead shouted with joy. She practically beamed from the sight of good, hot food.

"You look better," Shego commented as she returned to the dining room. She leaned down and kissed her girl's head before sitting down to eat her own meal, which was not pasta.

"I feel better, especially now!" Kim replied as she began to dig in.

"Well, eat up," Shego said with a genuine smile. She was happy to see her pet acting normally…well, for her of course.

"I will!" the slender adventurer grinned with her mouth full of pasta.

The raven-haired female continued to smile softly to herself. She was truly glad to see her pet energetic and cheerful again. It seemed like it had been an eternity since the last time that she had seen her girl smile. All she wanted to do was reach out and cuddle her brat, but she guessed that there would be plenty of time for that later on. Right now, she had to make sure that Kim was all right.

"More please," the elfish hero requested with a wide grin.

"You ate everything that quickly?" Shego asked in disbelief. They had only just sat down a couple of minutes ago.

"Yeah, can I have some more, please?"

The older woman rose to her feet to fetch her monster some more food. She took her girl's bowl and she went back to the kitchen. When she came back to the table, she placed the bowl down, but she did not return to her chair. She wrapped her arms around Kim's shoulders and pulled the redhead back, trying to press the younger female against her. Kim knew what her mistress was attempting to do, but the back of the chair was in there and preventing any body contact between the pair.

The wayward scientist moved her hands onto her master's hands. They both sighed, a content noise, from the minor skin contact. It was nice to know that Shego was concerned for her for the couple of days that she had been gone. She stayed at the apartment just for moments like the one she was having now. No words passed between them as they stayed like that for a few seconds; it seemed like they were the only two people in the whole world.

Shego eventually returned to her seat and went back to eating. Kim devoured her second helping and requested a third. The only reason that she did not have a fourth was because Shego finished her food and she did not want to be at the table alone. The apartment owner went to do the dishes and told Kim to either go watch television or to take a shower; she felt that Kim could use a thorough cleansing.

"Shego, could you shampoo my hair tonight?" Kim requested in a low voice. She really wanted to ask something else. She wanted to request that her mistress stay with her tonight. She would apologize for everything that she had done if only it would get her master to stay with her tonight.

"All right. You need it," Shego answered.

Kim was certain that she could use it after sleeping on the street, especially that train station. She was also certain that she could use a shower; she did not recollect that she had been given a bath when she had come into the apartment. She went to take a shower to get rid of the grime from her two days on her own. After her shower, she rinsed the tub and ran herself a bath. She waited in the bath for her mistress to come and do her hair. The wait was not long.

The pale woman entered the bathroom and pulled out everything that was necessary to do her pet's hair. She then passed Kim something to keep her occupied while she did the washing; she gave Kim a squeaky clown toy and if she squeezed it, the toy stuck its tongue out. The certified genius laughed when she noticed what the toy did; she was easily entertained a good deal of the time. She was not sure why simple things amused her, but it made life easier on her master.

"I figured you'd like it," Shego commented.

"It's cute," the younger woman replied.

"Like I said, I figured you'd like it."

The redhead smiled and she actually played with the toy while her mistress washed her hair; it kept her from requesting something that she believed was not going to happen. The toy kept her from asking if Shego would stay with her. She felt so relaxed thanks to her master and she wanted to feel that way all the time, but mostly for that night. She began thinking about how Shego made her feel point blank.

The feeling was not something Kim believed that she could put into words no matter what, but she knew that it would make her do whatever she could to just stay with Shego. She did not care what her mistress did; the older woman could even continue to date Junior, she could bone him into the ground. Kim just did not care anymore; well, she did not care at that very moment. As soon as the hot bath and shampooing was over, she was pretty sure that she was going to be back to wanting to tell her master to stay with her. She knew that she was going to want to have her mistress to herself, even if it was not going to happen.

"Come on, Princess. I'm done," Shego informed her monster. She kissed the younger woman's cheek for no reason and she then patted Kim's shoulder.

The petite college student nodded and stepped out of the tub. Shego let out the water while the slim hero grabbed a towel to dry off. The green-skinned woman then grabbed a towel and put it on her pet's dripping ginger hair. Shego then blow-dried the red mane of her munchkin before Kim was free to go and get dressed. Shego did once again kiss her pet's cheek before releasing her to put some clothes on.

The redhead understood the anguish that she caused her mistress by disappearing as she had, even without all of the kisses and hugs that were coming her way that night. She knew what would happen if she just left, how her master would agonize over her absence, and how it would be a pain for Shego to make it through a day without her, but she had to get some sleep and she thought leaving would be the way to do that. At the time, it did not matter to her that her master would suffer from indescribable misery due to her absence; and Shego had gone through just that, even if she did not want to admit it. She just hoped that the emerald-eyed woman did not ask why she had took off or she was going to have to tell the truth and state that she needed sleep and she doubted that she would be able to get it in the apartment. She knew that hearing such a thing would wound her mistress.

----------------------

Shego was sitting up in bed and thinking while Kim was snuggled up against her and sleeping soundly. The raven-haired female was supposed to be going out with Junior to party as usual. She was not sure if she wanted to go out with him. She was fairly certain that she wanted to just stay in bed with her imp curled up against her and resting peacefully. She caressed Kim's cheek and thought about how she just did not want to leave her girl alone.

The emerald-eyed female recalled how much and how violently her pet tossed and turned when she left Kim sleeping on her own during the day. She was still and calm while next to her master and Shego wanted things to remain that way. She could see that her munchkin required a lot of rest and she wanted to make sure that she got as much as possible. She also desired to make sure that her pet slept while she could because she knew that her girl was not too good when it came to taking care of herself. She had to keep an eye on her rascal while she could.

"You're such a weird kid," Shego commented because Kim was a very odd creature as far as taking care of herself went.

The raven-haired woman failed to comprehend how Kim could be a genius and a legendary hero, but still unable to recall to eat while she was out. She could not believe that the girl seemed so incapable of living properly on her own. She sometimes wondered what Kim did when she was not around and her pet was in the street. She doubted that she wanted to know.

Shego was pulled from her thoughts because of knock at the front door. She knew who it was. She eased away from Kim, who made a whimpering noise when the warm body of her mistress was out of her grip. She even reached out for Shego in her sleep. The pale woman stroked the redhead's cheek to let her know that she was still there. Kim calmed down and settled into her pillow. Shego went to answer the door.

"Hey, pretty lady," Junior smiled as she opened the door.

The moss-hued woman did not return the expression. In fact, she never returned the expression. She hated that he smiled so much. She did not say anything about it because she was usually pretty drunk by the time that she realized that he smiled too much. Why was he always smiling? She guessed that ignorance really was bliss from the way Junior made things seem.

"Hey, Junior," she replied in a low voice to make sure that she did not disturb her pet, even though the girl was way back in the bedroom.

"You do not look ready to party hearty," Junior observed; she was wearing her house clothes.

"Yeah, about that, I don't think I'm going to go out tonight," she informed him.

"No? But, why not?" he inquired, appearing extremely disheartened by the news.

"I've got something to take care of. Maybe we can go out in a few days or something," she offered. She did like going out, but right now, her pet needed her and she had to be there for the girl. She would not feel right if she was not there when Kim needed her. She would never be able to forgive herself if something happened to her pet, especially if it happed while she was out with an oafish clown like Junior.

"Is there anything that I can do for you?" he inquired.

It was hard to tell if the sapphire-eyed young man was being sincere or if he was merely faking it as an attempt to get on her good side, not just with that question, but almost all of the time. If he was faking it, he was wasting both of their time, she silently commented. She doubted that he cared as much as he tried to make it seem, though. He was too selfish to care as much as he pretended to. He actually did care somewhat, as much as he could anyway about someone that was not himself.

"Nope. Bye," Shego replied and she slammed the door in his face. Junior was very bewildered by what just happened and he looked heartbroken to not be able to go out with Shego that night.

The officer returned to her pet to discover the redhead moving around on the bed as if she was having a nightmare. She swiftly went over to the olive-eyed female and held onto her. Kim quickly relaxed into the warm form that was holding her. Shego leaned down and kissed her sleeping pet.

"It's all right, Kimmie. I'm here for you," Shego whispered the promise.

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Next time: Kim seems to be getting back to normal…for her anyway while Shego contemplates sexual matters.


	16. Gag Sixteen: In sync

I don't own these characters and I don't own this premise.

Gag Sixteen: In sync

_My mistress has been taking great care of me these past couple of days. I feel so much better, especially since she's been staying with me. See, I know she likes being with me more than Junior, even if she doesn't seem to realize it, but that's why she stayed with me. She wants to make sure I'm all right and I am. I'm always all right as long as she's there for me and with me. I just wish that she would realize that she's the same in regards to me. I'm there for her whenever she needs me._

Kim's eyes fluttered open and she was a little confused about where she was. She noticed that she was pressed against something very warm and comfortable; her head was resting on something extraordinarily soft. She then noticed that it was her master that she was lying on and she was lying rather brazenly on the pale woman. Her head was on Shego's right breast, her leg was across both of her mistress' legs, and her arms were wrapped around the older woman's torso. She did not feel so bad once she felt Shego's hand against her back, keeping her in the position that she was in. It seemed that her master had no problem with how she was on her, so the slender hero figured that she should not have a problem with it.

The redhead decided easily and quickly that she liked being in the position that she was in, even though she was practically clinging to Shego. She glanced up at her mistress and noticed that she was still sleeping. Wow, Kim thought in pure astonishment; she was the first one awake for once. It was such a rare occurrence that she had to do something, if only to celebrate the moment, as bizarre as that might sound. So many options, her mind commented.

What would bad pet Kimmie do, she asked herself. Well, that was an easy question to answer. Could she really do something so wrong? Um, hell yes, her mind answered and she concurred wholeheartedly. It was time to do mischievous things; she would only consider doing such things with her master.

Kim slowly moved her hand from resting at Shego's side, making sure to be careful to avoid waking her owner. She placed her small hand on the supple cushion that she was not resting on. She cautiously explored the spongy mound, trying her best to not wake up the woman that she was fondling. She tried her best to get to flesh without pushing the cloth away to the point that she might wake up her mistress. Her fingers quietly marched on the bare breast, enjoying the smooth, warm flesh.

The hero then proceeded with the next part of her very naughty decision. She moved her head and kissed where her head had been resting, an equally supple cushion. She kissed around the tank top that her mistress was wearing. She was attempting to not apply too much pressure, lest she disturb her owner's sleep and all things would come to an end for her to get yelled at, which would not be any fun. She also wanted to avoid the tempting, tantalizing flesh or she might not be able to stop herself, she believed. She feared that she might go too far if she actually tasted Shego's skin.

The raven-haired woman noted something was rather odd the second that she woke up, even before she opened her eyes. She did not want to believe what she knew was happening. She supposed that it was much better than waking up next to Junior, she thought to amuse herself. Another thought went through her head and that was that she doubted Junior was as talented with his hands compared to the hand touching her now. She shook that thought away; well, she tried her best to shake that thought away.

"I guess you finally feel better," Shego commented while yawning slightly.

"Shego!" Kim gasped.

The small redhead removed her hand and mouth very quickly. She looked up at her mistress and grinned nervously at the older woman. She was just glad that Shego could not read her mind or she would have to duck all of the pillows on the bed and maybe some plasma blasts. She was also happy that the emerald-eyed female had woken up because she had been prepared to do so much more than kiss the cotton-covered gem that was always hidden from her. She was certain that she would have crossed the line if her master had remained asleep for only a minute more.

"I'm in trouble, huh?" Kim asked in a pitiful voice. The tone was a way to get out of being in big trouble if she was in a bit of a snag. But, the way that her mistress had acted when catching her in the act did not make it seem like she was in too much trouble. She knew that her master enjoyed the attention, but that was the first time that she did not pretend to hate it.

"Possibly. Now, I've got to go work. Can I trust you to just stay in here, sleep on the couch, and not eat too many sweets?" Shego countered. She would not feel right punishing her pet for her actions because she believed that her monster was getting over her sickness and there was also the fact that Shego was not complaining about the attention she had just gotten.

"I guess," the petite adventurer answered. It did not sound like much fun, but it did sound like something that she could do for her master's peace of mind.

"Then I'll go make breakfast," Shego stated.

Kim grinned while her mistress rose from the bed. The green-skinned female rubbed her girl's head and then left the room. Kim was rather pleased to know that she was not in trouble for so blatantly molesting Shego. She was glad to know that she could get away with such a thing without getting barked on now. Maybe she could do it again sometime soon, she considered. It might help her mistress try to be with her again, or so she hoped. It would be fun no matter what the outcome.

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Shego sat at her desk, trying not to allow what happened that morning to plague her mind. Of course, it was not working and the morning was plaguing her like heavy rains at a fair. She pondered what her pet had been doing and her reaction to it, not to mention her lack of reaction to it. She had not barked at the little pervert for her actions. She had not hit the little troublesome imp; she had not even expressed any anger, mostly because she did not feel any anger. She had not done anything at all, aside for treat the actions as if they were cute and probably left her monster believing it was all right for her to do such things. Hell, she had even made cinnamon pancakes as if she was rewarding the kid for fondling her. She had actually reinforced the idea that her pet would get away with such distasteful behavior.

Now, of course the actions were not cute and it was not all right for Kim to do such things, Shego told herself. The slender hero had been groping her while she was asleep; such actions were not adorable in any way, shape, or form and should not be tolerated. It was vile behavior that someone like Kim should not be doing since she was supposedly a goody-goody with everyone except for her master it seemed, but Shego was far from surprised that her pet had done such a thing, considering it was something that her girl did often and seemed to really enjoy.

She was, however, surprised by how it felt. It had felt so good to be touched in such a manner, even though it was like a tease because the slender scientist had not applied any sort of pressure to the touching. She had been a little disheartened when the playing ceased and she had come very close to groaning in disappointment and frustration when it came to an end, but she felt that it was best that it had stopped. Kim was her pet and she needed to stay that way. Right, it was for the best; they had proven that, she believed. All right, she had somewhat proven that it was best for Kim to just be her pet. Somewhat was the keyword there.

"Daydreaming yet again?" Doctor Director inquired in a taunting tone as she walked over to the desk.

"Unless you're going to give me an assignment or take me to lunch, move along," Shego answered. She did not feel like being bothered at the moment with the way the morning was on her mind.

"That middle one sounds good," the one-eyed woman commented. It had been the reason that she wandered over anyway.

"Don't you have work?" the employee asked curiously. She could have sworn that the big boss was trapped behind towers of paperwork.

"Look, I get an hour lunch break just like the rest of you lazy bums," the chief remarked with a half-smile.

"We get forty-five minutes," Shego pointed out to be annoying.

"Do I give a damn? Get up and come on before I decide to pair you up with a rookie and let you do some training," Betty teased.

"Oh, you're a bitch," the pale woman riposted as she climbed to her feet.

The chief only laughed a little bit. They exited the building and wandered down to their favorite little, nearby café. They were starting to wish that another restaurant would open up close by. It was not that the food or service was not to their liking at the café, but they would just like to have some choice in places every now and then. After all, being able to have a choice was what life was all about.

"It's getting hot," Doctor Director noted while looking around at nothing in particular. Summer was not too far away.

"Yeah. Do you think that's why crime is at a bit of a stand still?" Shego asked. She knew that if she could be, she would be sunbathing because it seemed like perfect weather for it. She knew that the holiday season made people seemingly lose their minds, so she considered that heat might help make people inert.

"Don't 'yeah' me. You probably didn't even notice that it was getting hotter," Betty stated.

"Okay, you got me. I was just guessing from everybody's wardrobe. I can actually feel it a little bit, but not enough for it to bother me or for me to notice that it's getting hotter," the younger woman explained. There was no point in summer that ever bothered her now. She could probably wander a desert and it would not bother her.

"You know I hate you, right?" the one-eyed woman remarked.

"I figured as much," the pale woman blandly replied.

The pair ordered their lunch; they never ate anything heavy, considering that there was a chance that they might have to do some running in the day. Shego had a grilled cheese with fries and Betty had a salad. They ate quietly for a while; it was probably the first time that they were silent for more than a minute with each other. It was impossible to maintain; they disliked the silence and preferred to speak with each other, no matter what was being said.

"I woke up this morning and found Pumpkin fondling me," Shego casually reported as she ate a fry.

"That kid is such a damn pervert," the brown-haired woman commented. She doubted that she had ever heard of such a perverted girl before. She also doubted that her friend could surprise her with such words about the little brat anymore. She would not be shocked to hear that Shego woke up and found the brat, as vulgar as it might seem, eating her.

"It felt good," the green-skinned officer easily admitted. She supposed that it was bit weird that she could confess to her friend that it felt good for Kim to touch her like that, but she could not tell Kim things like that. After all, Betty was the one that would judge her and have a hefty opinion while Kim would merely jump on her and start touching her like that again more than likely.

"You're such an animal. It's like you're always in heat. It felt good because you haven't been touched decently or in even a slightly good manner in years. So, stop thinking about it. You're not going to sleep with that little brat," the older woman ordered.

"I wasn't thinking that," Shego objected. Okay, she was lying just a little bit. She had been considering at least allowing her pet to touch her like that again because it had felt delicious and something told her that was really the tip of the iceberg.

"Good, keep not thinking that. You're not a lesbian and even if your brat is a brat, you can't lead her on like that," Betty soundly stated.

The chief thought it was a bit cruel for Shego to let the petite redhead think that there would be sex somewhere in the near future as far as their relationship went when Shego was the furthest thing from a lesbian. The green-skinned woman had never even considered experimenting with a girl before. She never showed any kind of interest in the same sex.

"No, I lack a conscience unlike you, so if I do feel like it, I could do whatever I wanted to my little brat. She's my pet. I can do whatever I want with her," Shego declared in her own firm tone.

"Like you would," the chief scoffed.

The one-eyed woman knew that her friend spoiled Kim as if the bothersome kid was royalty a good deal of the time. She cared about that brat very deeply, even if she did not want to acknowledge it. Shego would never purposely hurt that kid, Betty believed. She might hurt the kid by accident because the pale woman was not as perceptive as she should be about others around her, but Betty was certain that her friend would never wound that kid on purpose.

"You let her do whatever she wants to do. She's your spoiled little brat if anything," the boss stated.

"Do you—?" Shego was not even able to get her question out because her friend knew where she was going with it.

"No, I don't, so don't try to have sex with her, Shego. You know you shouldn't even think about it. Look, just because you love someone that doesn't mean you should have a sexual relationship. We both know there are several types of love and just because you feel strongly for the kid, it doesn't mean that you want her sexually. Just because she wants you in that way, it doesn't mean you have to return that. You don't have to sleep with her and you shouldn't try," the elder woman said plainly.

The supervisor believed that if Shego were to sleep with Kim, if only because the brat wanted it or because Shego eventually let her curiosity get the better of her, it was not going to end well. The emerald-eyed woman would, first of all, just be toying with the brat's emotions, which would be far from right. The kid was annoying and useless for the most part, but she did not deserve such cruelty, especially from someone that she trusted enough to be the person's pet. But, she guessed that would be something that her younger friend would not understand, which was also another reason why she did not think that Shego should try to sleep with the redhead.

The one-eyed woman knew that her friend viewed sex mostly as a physical activity, not an emotional one in the least. Shego did not understand that there could be some sort of feeling in the act that transcended bodily pleasure when it came to coupling. It was all just about ecstasy to her. She had never thought about doing it beyond physical pleasure or to know that she was sexy. It was never an emotional connection involved with sex when Shego was around.

Betty was willing to bet that sex was an emotional activity to that brat, though. It might even be soul-touching to the little annoyance if she were to be intimate with Shego because it was obvious that the brat intensely loved her mistress and if Shego treated the act like she did every other sexual encounter that she had ever had in her life, she would probably, almost certainly crush that irksome kid. That idiotic brat did not need that and, frankly, Shego did not need it either. The emerald-eyed female functioned best when her pet was happy and goofy, so her pet needed to stay that way.

"Shego, just leave that brat alone," Betty seriously ordered. She did not want to have to deal with her friend if something did injure the brat, thus screw Shego up, which would make several lives miserable at the station, hers most of all. In fact, Shego could mess up several lives with one mistake if it was hurting her brat.

"I'm not going to sleep with her, so chill out," the pale woman stated. Man, her friend worried too much.

"Seriously, Shego. You'll screw with that kid's mind," the older woman pointed out. The brat was already a little batty in her opinion because she stuck around to be Shego's pet and she was in love with the pale woman for some insane reason, so she did not think that her moss-hued friend needed to shake up the kid's head anymore. She should just be happy with how they were and leave things at that, in Betty's opinion anyway.

"Bet, chill out. I'm not going to do it. I'm not a lesbian, remember?" Shego pointed out with a dismissive wave of her hand. She was fairly certain that she was not a lesbian, despite the fact that she liked the physical attention that she got from her little redhead and the fact that she sometimes found herself eyeing her pet with less than innocent intentions.

"Knowing you, you might try just it to piss someone off," the one-eyed female commented, quite seriously.

"My father would hate for me to be a lesbian," the raven-haired officer mused aloud.

"Shego," Doctor Director said sternly.

"I'm just saying," Shego argued.

"You are so wrong," Betty said while shaking her head.

----------------

Shego stared down at Kim, who was resting in her lap. The redhead had finally figured out that to avoid her nightmares, she should sleep as close as possible to her mistress, which was fine by her. It let her know that Shego was with her and not engaging in some crime against nature. Her master did not have any objections; she enjoyed having her girl lying on her, which might explain why she never moved the scholar unless it was absolutely necessary. She sat there and just rubbed the petite hero's shoulder while watching one of her new favorite game shows; Kim had gotten her interested in some obscene little trivia show. Leave to her pet to discover some of the weirdest things that television had to offer, she thought.

The green-skinned female glanced down at her pet. She was still thinking about what had happened that morning. It had been such a delightful sensation that Kim had sent racing through her and she wondered if she honestly wished to experience such a thing again because she did think that it was plausible for her to have sexual relationship with Kim or because she really had not been touched properly in who-knew-how long. It was probably because she had not had good sex in so long because she was already so certain that she could not have a physically intimate relationship with her little monster, even if she was good at what she had been doing that morning. Kim was her little monster, after all, so of course, she would not have a sexual relationship her.

Maybe, Shego considered that she should just go sleep with Junior. Maybe he could scratch an itch that she really did not want to acknowledge was there; in her opinion, acknowledging the itch would have only been more trouble than ignoring it. She did not desire to sleep with him because she truly believed that she would never be able to get rid of him afterwards. She really did not need or want that kind of annoyance in her life, especially for an extended period of time. Not only did she not need it, but her pet did not need it either; if he was going to be around her, then that meant he would have to be around her pet. As a good owner, she could not, in good conscience, bring such stress into her pet's life, especially while she was recovering from an illness.

There was also the underlying fact that she never really thought about, but was there plainer than the reason that she did think about. She was not sexually attracted to Junior. Sure, he was handsome and he moved well and she shared drunken kisses with him, but she was never really aroused by him. Nothing inside of her was screaming that she should jump him for any reason at all, which she would have thought was odd if she was looking to even think about it.

The pale woman then thought that she could just go out and get freaky with a random guy. It would not be the first time that she had done such a thing and she doubted that it would be the last time. It seemed like something that she could do, so she would give that plan a try the next time that she went out, just to get rid of the itch and prove to herself that was why she kept thinking about what her imp had done that morning.

Shego did stay in for a few days; she had to make sure that Kim was sleeping properly. The redhead enjoyed the extra special attention she noticed that she was receiving. It felt great knowing that someone cared so much about her wellbeing, especially when that someone was Shego. She felt better since she was able to catch on her sleep and she hoped that her nightmares were gone for good without her needing to sleep next to her master every night, almost like a little kid. She would soon find out the answer to that.

Kim was left alone in Shego's bed one night while the raven-haired woman went out to club-hop with Junior. The sapphire-eyed young man seemed extremely happy that she was finally going out with him after so many days without her. His joy did not last too long when he noticed that there was a man hitting on Shego at the first club that they went to. He went to confront the guy about what was going on almost as soon as he noticed the pair.

"Um, excuse me, but what is going on here?" Junior demanded to know, speaking to Shego and the gentleman buying her drinks.

"Whoa, who's this big fellow?" the new, smaller guy inquired.

"Junior, meet Roland Pond. Roland Pond, meet Senor Senior Junior," Shego introduced the pair in a rather bored tone. It seemed that she was going to require a lot more liquor to survive the night and go through with her goal.

Roland Pond was now her intended target since he was splurging on the drinks, but he was far from an interesting creature. He had things that would have caught her attention in the past if only for a little while, but they seemed to lack all luster to her now. She was not sure why that was, but she was still going to try to go through with her plan because she felt that she really needed that itch scratched and that way, she would stop seeming to encourage her pet's bad behavior.

"Roland Pond? The manager of the Oh Boyz?" Junior asked in a very excited tone; his outrage apparently forgotten over something that Roland had tried to impress Shego with. She had heard of the band, but she figured that someone had to be a teenager and tone-deaf to enjoy their music, but from Junior's actions, she guessed that she was wrong about being a teenager to enjoy the music.

"The very same," Roland answered.

Junior actually squealed from his excitement and delight; he might as well have been a crazed fan-girl from the way he just acted and in public no less. Shego was now certain that she was going to need more drinks if she was going to have to be around both Junior and Roland. She ordered another shot while the fellows got to talking about something that she was sure she did not care about. It turned out that Roland had heard of Junior and offered to take the pair down to the studio at that very moment to see where the Oh Boyz recorded their latest album. Junior jumped at the idea like an eager child about to receive candy. Shego was not too thrilled, but she did have to follow the action.

"If there's beer, I'll go," the pale woman conceded. No beer, then she would go home. Sleeping next to her pet was better than going to some sound studio to see where a boy band lip-synched their crappy music.

"Yeah, plenty of beer," Roland answered, as if he knew that was what it would seriously take to get Shego to go along with them.

"Hell, let's go," the green-skinned woman sighed. Free beer versus overpriced liquor; free beer always won by a landslide.

--------------------

The studio was not very impressive; well, to Shego it was not very impressive, but there was beer and that pleased her. While Roland showed Junior all of the equipment, Junior acted like an amazed child at a toy store and Shego drank. A few minutes into everything, she noted that Junior was gone.

"Hey, where'd happy boy go?" Shego inquired. It seemed that Roland knew a cool trick, which was how to make Junior disappear. It would be nice if he could teach it to her.

"Who cares?" Roland countered; it was a sound argument to her.

"You make a good point," she replied and tipped her drink to him as congratulations for getting rid of rich boy.

Roland smiled a bit and got himself a drink; he was glad that he had sent that annoying rich boy searching for the bathroom in the very wrong direction. He hoped that the kid stayed away for a good long time from the look of the lady that he was with. He took a few gulps from his drink and then smirked at Shego.

"What?" she asked when she noticed his expression, as if she could not guess what was on his mind.

"Ever done it in a studio before?" he inquired with a mischievous look in his eyes, which were covered by sunglasses and Shego honestly thought that was a bit pretentious, but she was not going to have to deal with him for long. He only had one purpose.

"No," she answered bluntly.

"Tempted?"

"Hell, yeah," she answered with a smirk of her own. It was about time that she got rid of that itch.

-----------------------

Next time: Is Shego really about to do this?


	17. Gag Seventeen: Plan B

I don't own these characters and I don't own this premise.

Gag Seventeen: Plan B

_I've got a plan and the plan is very simple. I was going to find a guy and screw him like a power tool. I just want to get rid of this frustration building in my system that's there and is trying to get me to mess up my relationship with my pet. It's trying to make me consider letting my pet screw me, which is just stupid. It's completely stupid. She's my pet and I like her that way; it's how we get along. So, I need to get rid of this itch and I figured that I'd just do what I used to; find a guy that notices how damn sexy I am, and put it on him something fierce. I am going to break a guy. And that way, I won't ruin things with my pet._

Roland Pond, the manager of the popular band known as the Oh Boyz, was stalking toward Shego like a man on a mission and she was the mission. They had met in a club that night a couple of hours ago; she had been out with Junior. Roland sent Junior off on a wild goose chase for the bathroom to have some time alone with Shego; she did not have a problem with that.

Roland grabbed Shego into a rough kiss. She met him with just as much force as he kissed her with. He grabbed her bare leg; she was wearing a short skirt without any stockings. He hitched her leg to his hip and ran his fingers underneath her smooth thigh. She noticed in the back of her mind that his digits were rough, yet she bet that he never did a hard day's work in his life.

It did not take the slick-looking male much time to go from her thigh to her buttocks. From there, it only took him seconds to start tugging at her panties. She could not figure it out, but she was far from turned on with what was happening. No part of her was aroused in any way. She was not sure why that was, but she did not even think about that.

She was actually wondering if her pet was all right more than anything else; was her brat sleeping all right? Was her little monster wondering where she was? Was there something light in the house for her to eat if she woke up hungry in the middle of the night? Several questions floated through her mind, and all of them had to do with her pet.

Roland moved Shego onto the switchboard of the studio without breaking the kiss that they were engaged in. He started to pull down her underwear and some voice inside of her head screamed that she really did not want to do what she was about to do. She did not want to have intercourse with Roland; she did not even like the fact that he was touching her at the moment, so she truly did not want him doing anything deeper than that. She just had to get away from him because she did not like anything about him. She knew that and she was drunk, so she hated to think what rationales would be in her mind if she was completely coherent.

"Roland," Shego said while pushing him away from her.

"What?" He inquired while wondering why she had shoved him away. He considered that she might think he was moving too fast, even though she had already confirmed that she wanted to do what they were getting to.

"I can't do this," she informed him. She was being polite, more than likely because she was drunk; she had the odd habit of being civil with she was tipsy. Despite her intoxicated mind, she knew for a fact that she could not have sex with him and it had nothing to do with the plan that he was about to bone her on a switchboard like she was a common whore.

"What?" he asked in a puzzled tone. He did not understand how she could even say that. Did she not know who he was? He was Roland Pond, manager to the world-renowned Oh Boyz; he could get as many chicks as he wanted, much better looking than she was, and freak as many of them as he wanted at once. So, who the hell did she think she was?

"Yeah, I can't do this," Shego said, more to herself than to Roland. She stood up and fixed her undergarments. She was actually more stunned than he was, but she just could not do anything with him. She could barely stomach the fact that she had been allowing him to touch her.

"What the hell do you mean you can't do this?" Roland demanded to know. His tone alone flipped a switch in the tipsy woman; had she not been so drunk, she probably would have kicked his ass from the way he was talking to her. But, the polite Shego was put away in a closet and now she was going to tear into him.

"What the hell did I just say? That's what the fuck I mean. Now, move your boney ass the fuck out of my way," she ordered.

"Listen here, you—" he formed his mouth to call her a name, but she cut him off.

"Pick that next word very carefully," she told him while holding up a plasma-charged fist. She had no problem with torching his butt to get him out of her way.

Roland gulped in fear. "What the hell are you?" he inquired in a frighten tone.

"Pissed off. Now, get the fuck out of my way. I've got an idiot to go find, so he can take me home," she stated.

The band manager did not argue, which was obviously a wise decision on his part. He just did as she said and stepped out of her way to give her room to leave. Shego stormed out of the room, intent on finding Junior and going home to her impish munchkin. She just had way too much on her mind to consider staying in the lame studio any longer than she had already, so she did not care if Junior wanted to stay or not. He was taking her home and that was that.

------------------------

Shego entered her bedroom to see her pet was still sleeping, which relieved and angered her at the same time. She had been worrying about the brat and there she was having a peaceful sleep without her. Well, she decided not to think on it for the moment and went to take a shower to wash away the grime of the night; she was also going to brush her teeth to get the taste of Roland Pond out of her mouth. She supposed that she brought it on herself, but it had never occurred to her that she would not be able to go through with her plan. She used to be able to sleep with almost any man that wanted to join her for a romp, but that seemed to be a thing of the past.

"This is all your fault," Shego playfully blamed her pet as she went to join her slender monster in the bed, but she did not lie down. She had to fix the bed first.

The pale woman looked around at the mess that Kim made when she was left unattended in her sleep. The covers were on the floor and Shego picked them up. The sheet that covered the mattress had come up at all four corners, which she fixed without waking up the petite redhead. Once she crawled into bed, she collected Kim in her arms and rested the hero against her, knowing that was one way to prevent her little monster from moving, which would keep her from kicking everything off of the bed again.

Shego stared down at Kim for a while. She thought how when Kim touched her and compared it to when Roland touched her. It was very much a different experience, a better experience. She had thought that the only reason that Kim's touch felt so good was because she had not been properly touched in so long, but it seemed that she was wrong. There had been a spark in the redhead's touch, that was very much lacking when it came to Roland, and even what she could recall when sharing a drunken embrace with Junior lacked everything that her pet's touch held. She wondered if that spark would be absent whenever someone who was not her munchkin touched her. It seemed like it would since there was nothing with Junior and she somewhat liked him; not enough to want to try anything with him, but enough to keep hanging around him, which was more than she did with most men.

"But, I've tried with you already," Shego said because she knew where her mind was trying to go with those thoughts.

The green-skinned woman already knew that she would not be able to make love to Kim. She had tried and failed a couple of times already. It would be weird anyway, she mentally argued. Kim was her pet, after all. And she wanted Kim to stay her pet. She doubted that things could work out if the petite scientist became her lover. No lover she had ever worked out.

"You're a very good pet anyway, monster," Shego stated while hugging her girl a bit closer to her. Kim made a small noise, but she remained asleep.

The redhead was a very good pet. She was loyal, loving, and entertaining. She was there for Shego through thick and thin and supported her mistress, even if it was not in her interest or looked like Shego was making a poor decision. She helped Shego if she was given the chance, even if she was not asked. She was warm, affectionate, and not to mention utterly adorable. She was just a fantastic pet and Shego knew that she did not want to lose that by doing something that might make Kim change. She needed the girl to stay her pet because she needed the olive-eyed female in her life.

"Yeah, you're good as you are," Shego said and she leaned down to kiss her dozing munchkin.

Shego decided to just stop thinking about it all and just go to sleep. As she tried to sleep, her mind did wonder if she did not do anything with Kim because she did not know how. She did not know how to go about physically loving Kim and maybe that was why she could not do it; she managed to shut those thoughts out. She did not want to think about being with her girl intimately. Kim was her pet and it was as simple as that.

The emerald-eyed woman moved her pet a little bit because of the way that she had Kim resting on her. She figured that if the redhead was not totally on her, then she would not be thinking about having sex with the olive-eyed hero. It seemed to work because she fell asleep fairly easily after that. She hoped that when she woke up, her pet was not molesting her as usual or she was going to be back to thinking about things.

-------(New day)

Shego entered the house and was accosted by the sound of loud reggae music playing. She wondered what in the world was going on. She guessed that her impish pet was up to something, but she could not guess what that something was. She did not even know that her little monster listened to such music. She thought that Kim only listened to various types of rock and roll and pop music, much to the older woman's dismay.

Shego really only liked types of hip-hop music and old, classic R&B. Every now and then, she might listen to jazz, but Kim's taste in music and her taste in music varied greatly. She wondered what Kim was doing listening to dance music and then she found out; the slender scholar was dancing.

The pale female watched quietly as she caught sight of her munchkin dancing. Kim was actually doing a great job at the activity; Shego did not see why the brat did not like going to clubs with the way she was getting down. She had plenty of rhythm and she was moving well to the music. She was rather raunchy, though, Shego noted. Kim was swaying in a very suggestive manner, which the green-skinned woman was accustomed to seeing and doing in clubs, but she was not used to seeing the redhead doing it.

"Shego!" Kim grinned when she finally noticed her mistress. She did not seem embarrassed by getting caught in the middle of her dancing. She went over to her owner and hugged her as the usual greeting while continuing to maintain her movement to the beat.

"What are you doing?" Shego asked as if she did not know. She did not see why the girl was dancing, though.

"Running this song into the ground. I heard it yesterday while I was at Monique and Felix's house and I just got hooked. I can't stop listening to it now," the redhead answered with a happy smile. She had learned the dance that went with the song yesterday too and she just could not stop doing it, even when music was not playing. Monique had thought that was funny while Felix had just been interested in staring until his upset girlfriend slapped him in the back of the head.

"I didn't know you like this kind of music," the raven-haired woman commented.

"Yeah! Hey, come on. Dance with me," the younger female requested with a grin.

Shego tried to argue, but her pet grabbed her before she could utter a protest. The redhead started moving while still holding onto her owner, forcing the green-skinned female to shake along with her. It only took Shego a few seconds to give in and start dancing with Kim of her own freewill; she had time to goof off and have some silly fun since she had the day off tomorrow. So, she let herself go and danced right along with the redhead.

The slim scientist grinned widely when she noticed that her curvy mistress was really into it. They danced with each other just like they would any other person in a club. They did not think much of it, even though there was a lot of rubbing going on. They were really just playing around. A knock at the door disturbed their groove.

"Son of a…" Shego muttered because she was upset with being pulled away from such good entertainment.

The pale woman went to answer the door. She was not sure who it could be at that hour, except maybe Betty, but the one-eyed woman typically called before coming over. There was always the chance that something could have happened to Betty that prevented her from calling and she had to run over. Shego opened the door and found out that it was not her only friend; it was someone much more annoying.

"Miss Crocket," Shego deadpanned. It had been so good to not have to deal with that woman for a few weeks. She was not sure what kept the woman away, but she wished that it continued on doing whatever it was doing.

"I've gotten complaints about the noise," the landlady informed her cantankerous tenant.

"Noise, huh? What noise?" the moss-hued woman as if she did not know.

"The noise coming from your apartment," Miss Crocket answered with a frown. She was not about to play some immature game with Shego when even a deaf man would be able to tell that there was music pumping from the apartment.

"I don't hear any noise," the raven-haired woman replied. She silently admitted to herself that the music was blaring, but it was far from noise. The walls were even vibrating from the bass. But, it was a good song.

"Turn the music down," Miss Crocket seemed to order, which, of course, rubbed Shego the wrong way.

"Say please," the officer replied.

"What?" the blue-eyed woman inquired in a slightly outraged voice.

"Say pretty please in fact," Shego added. She could keep that up indefinitely to be annoying. She was not about to let some woman talk to her as if she was her child. Hell, she barely listened to her mother's commands, so she damn sure was not about to listen to a woman that could not at least beat her up if she chose not to comply.

"I will not," the Texan huffed.

"Okay, well, I don't hear any noise then."

Miss Crocket frowned deeply. "I don't have to take this. I can call the cops about this," she declared.

Shego could not help laughing. "Don't waste our time. Come on, you say 'pretty please' and then I'll tell the kid to turn it down. She's having a good time in there and she's planning to just run that same song for the rest of the night," she reported with an amused smile.

"Are you blackmailing me?" Miss Crocket demanded to know.

"Over something like this? No, that would be stupid. I'm just saying that I won't give a damn without you saying pretty please."

Miss Crocket began scowling now; she could not stand that pale green harlot. "Pretty please…" she said through clenched teeth. She could not believe that she just uttered such words, but it was the only way to get the irksome tenant to turn the music down.

"Okay," the raven-haired woman agreed and she slammed the door in the building owner's face. Oh, Miss Crocket was getting sick of the green-skinned witch and she was going to start deeply looking into a way to get rid of her.

Shego returned to the living room and saw Kim moving around to the music still. She stared at the leaf-eyed hero for a while as she danced. Although her brat was rather slim, her hips were memorizing for some reason that Shego could not figure out. It was strange, but the older woman could not look away from those hips and legs; those were usually the body parts that captivated her when it came to her pet. The way that Kim swayed, it seemed like her movements were as poetic as waves on a calm beach. Shego would have looked on forever probably if Kim did not snap her out of it.

"Who was that?" the younger female asked curiously.

"Nobody important," Shego answered as she turned the music off; the small stereo that belonged to her rascal was resting on the floor.

"Aw!" Kim pouted when the music halted.

"You're getting all worked up for no reason," the pale woman stated as if that was the reason that she had turned off the music. Usually, she would have been glad to let her monster waste all of her energy because that meant the night would be quiet with Kim just lying in her lap, but she had agreed to cut down the noise, so she did that.

"I was having fun. Hey, can we go outside? Let's go outside. We haven't been out in a long time and it's nice out, so let's go outside," Kim suggested.

"Yeah, it does seem like you've got a lot of energy. I'll take you outside right now, but tomorrow we're staying in," the emerald-eyed female stated.

"Okay!" Kim agreed with a grin. She was hyper and she could even tell that she was exploding with energy, having finally caught up on her sleep thanks to her mistress. She felt like she needed to do something; she just could not be the lazy pet that day.

The pair went outside and walked in the park; Shego did not use the leash. She did bring the Frisbee along, in case it was necessary for her to run Kim around. Typically, she did not need to play Frisbee with her pet anymore, which she was glad for. When she and Kim came into the park now, some kids almost always came out of nowhere to badger the slim scientist. The children always went right for the redhead; they had quickly learned to not approach her mistress.

Children did come from every direction when the duo entered the park. Shego just sat back as the kids took charge of her munchkin; she did not mind letting them take Kim off of her hands because they were better than playing Frisbee. The children could match Kim in energy somewhat and they could wear her down enough for her to be tolerable when they got home.

The raven-haired officer leaned against a tree and tried to get the image of her pet dancing out of her mind. It was such a suggestive and hypnotic way to move. It seemed to be stuck in Shego's mind; the image seemed to be glued to her eyes and she knew what her mind was going to do with such information.

"I already tried, so stop thinking like that," Shego told her brain, but it was not letting go of the notion. Her mind seemed to think that she either had not tried hard enough or she needed to try again. Her mind really seemed to believe that she wanted to sleep with Kim.

The pale woman looked over at her mini-monster, seeing her grinning down at the children that had kidnapped her, so to speak. Why did her mind seem to want to lay with Kim, Shego wondered. Her pet was, well, her pet. She was just a smiling, goofy, nutty, affectionate kid that made her glad to come home. There was nothing sexy or sexual about her…right?

------------------

Kim was rolling around on Shego's bed; apparently, the evening at the park had not zapped all of her energy. The older woman was sitting at the foot of the bed, putting on some lotion on her legs while trying to ignore how wired her elf seemed to be. Kim crawled over to her mistress and put her head on the pale woman's shoulder.

"Me next?" the pet requested.

"Of course," Shego replied.

"It smells good. Is it new?" the redhead inquired while blatantly sniffing her owner. It earned her a glance from the corner of her master's eye.

"Yes," the officer answered plainly.

"Smells good," Kim said while putting her nose right on Shego, as if that was not weird.

"Princess."

"Too close?" the olive-eyed female guessed.

"Yeah."

The adventurer went back to rolling around on the bed until Shego grabbed her by the leg. The moss-hued woman yanked her pet over to her, causing the girl to yelp because she was surprised. Shego began to rub some lotion on her monster's very dry skin. She supposed that it was her fault that Kim had such dry skin because it was her job to moisturize her pet's body. Shego's mind began to note that she liked the feel of her girl's legs and that was when her touches changed.

Kim noticed almost immediately that her mistress was no longer touching her in an impartial manner. Her master was suddenly exploring her leg, almost massaging her limb. The redhead bit her lip to make sure that she did not say anything to disturb Shego, even though she was certain that the movements were not going to head where she wanted them to. She just knew to expect good dreams when she fell asleep, but she did remain quiet to make sure not to bother her master or halt her actions.

Shego ran her fingertips over the thin thigh that was in her grip. She happened to glance up slightly and noticed Kim's bare stomach; her tank top was riding a little high. The emerald-eyed officer realized that she wanted to touch that skin too. All right, she easily conceded; she had to try again. She just had to.

The pale woman looked Kim in the eye and the redhead hoped that the look was the truth. Shego disregarded the bottle of lotion and leaned down to slowly kissed Kim. The slender hero accepted the embrace; it had been so long since they kissed. The slim hero had been too nervous to initiate a kiss after it had been decided that she was best as a pet; she thought that passionate, tender kisses were back to being off-limits. Shego had been too busy with other things to think to kiss her little monster before and she had not wanted to give Kim hope on something that she had been sure just was not going to happen; the redhead certainly did think that it was going to happen now.

As soon as their lips touched, they both realized that they missed kissing each other, so they both quietly decided that they had to do it more often, damn the consequences. They exchanged the kiss and nothing more for almost two minutes. It was fervent, but not wild. It was sweet, but hungry and they really did not want it to end.

Shego moved on while Kim wondered if it was all right for her to move at all. The adventurer remembered how the other times it seemed as if her mistress did not want her to move or to touch anything. She doubted that she would be able to not touch anything if they went as far as she wanted them to go. She wanted it so badly and for so long that she was certain that she would have to touch something.

The pale woman put her hand on Kim's ribs as she started another kiss. The skin was so soft and her mind requested more. Her mind ordered her to keep going and she wanted to keep going. She wanted to know what the rest of her girl felt like. Well, there was one way to find out.

The older female moved her hand downward to the hem of Kim's shorts. And then she started thinking about what she was doing, which made her hesitate to move on. What was she supposed to do once she did uncover that flesh? Touch it, her mind answered the obvious.

Okay, well, touching the skin once she uncovered it was obvious, Shego said to herself. But, touch it how? What if she did not touch it in the right way? She had never done anything like she was now. She had no clue how to go about having sex with another female.

Kim bit her lip to make sure that she did not say anything when she noticed that Shego's hand was at her shorts. She did not want to distract the elder woman in any way, shape, or form. She desired Shego so much and she felt like she might get her way when she felt those warm fingers actually tugging down her pajama shorts. Please, Kim begged in her mind; they just could not stop again or she thought that she might go mad.

Shego noticed that the redhead was biting her lip because it sort of messed up the kiss that they had been sharing. She suddenly realized just how badly Kim wanted to have sex with her and she just began thinking harder. What if she did not perform up to task? Would that change how Kim looked at her, what Kim thought of her, how Kim felt about her? Would she disappoint Kim if she was not what the redhead was accustomed to? After all, she did not even know what to do. Damn it.

Shego frustrated herself quickly with that line of thinking. She ceased all of her actions and sat up on the bed. She rubbed her forehead and sighed. She did not want to disappoint the kid or let her down. She did not know what to do.

Kim whimpered a bit when her master's mouth left hers. She had anticipated that nothing serious was going to happen, but she had hoped that it would; she had wanted something very serious to happen. She wondered why Shego had stopped. Was she really not worthy of physical love? Was she not attractive to her owner? Did her mistress just enjoy taunting her that much? She was used to a little teasing, but what had just gone on was torment, not teasing.

"Shego…" Kim said.

"Let's just go to sleep, monster," Shego muttered.

"Am I ugly?" the redhead asked, not looking at her master. She wanted to know the reason why her mistress could not touch her like she wanted her to, like her mistress seemed to want to.

"What?" the pale woman inquired in a bewildered tone. What the hell was her munchkin going on about?

"Am I?"

"No," Shego answered. She guessed that she had hurt her monster's pride, which she figured made sense considering what had just happened and what she had just done. "There's nothing wrong with you, Princess. It's just me. It's nothing wrong with you at all, so let's just go to sleep," she added.

Kim nodded and crawled under the sheets on her side of the bed. She snuggled up to Shego despite what had just happened. The redhead could not help wondering if there was something wrong with her; why would Shego not sleep with her when it was obvious that she wanted to? It just did not make any sense, especially since her master had placed the blame on herself, so she did not seem to think that there was something wrong with Kim. There was something wrong with Shego. But, what? What was wrong with her mistress and could she do something about it?

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Next time: an ordinary day leads to something extraordinary.


	18. Gag Eighteen: Universally appealing

I don't own these characters and I don't own this premise.

Sorry this took longer than usual. Me and my think tank wanted to make sure it was perfect...okay, I don't have a "think tank" per se, but me and two other people thought long and hard on this to make it what it is.

Warning, this fic is about to put in some work for it's rating and I don't mean for language. Saying anything more would spoil it, but know that this thing is about to earn that rating.

Gag Eighteen: Universally appealing

_My mistress wants me, but she can't seem to do anything about it. I don't know if I should do anything about it, even though I really want to because, oh man, I want that woman badly. It's like scratching at the depths of my soul and probably hers too. I just don't think I can do anything about it, though. I mean, I am just a pet and she is the mistress around here. But, I like to be helpful when given the chance, especially when it plays to what I want around here. Hey, I am the selfish, irresponsible pet. I'm supposed to help her let go._

Kim was curled up next to Shego, despite the fact that she was not sure if her mistress wanted her to do that. Shego had not said anything about where her pet was, but she did not make any move to hold her girl like she usually would. She did not think that it would be right of her to touch the slender scholar after practically taunting the redhead yet again, even though the girl seemed to forgive her. She had once again started out as if she was going to make love to Kim, but stopped before anything happened and they were both thinking about it now.

The green-skinned female frowned slightly as she thought about why she kept stopping. Before it felt like she was forcing herself on her pet because of the way that she was acting and now the thought occurred to her that she might disappoint her pet even if she did deliver. She did not know anything about having sex with another female; worse yet, she did not know anything about having sex with someone that mattered. She did not want to let Kim down and she also did not want to embarrass herself. She was not sure what she was going to do, especially with the damn itch she was experiencing; little did she know, but Kim had the same itch.

The redhead was not too sure what to think of the fact that they had once again started and stopped. She thought first that it was because of her, like her mistress did not find her attractive or something. But, Shego had assured her that there was nothing wrong with her; the older woman had placed the blame squarely on herself. So, she continued to wonder what the problem was. Why was it that Shego continued to start and stop? She seemed to want it just as badly as Kim, so what was the problem? Why could the pale woman just not go for it?

The petite hero did think on the matter for a long while that night. She reminded herself that everyone was not like her; she dived into the unknown head first with a smile on her face almost everyday of her life, but most people did not live like that. She then considered that the main problem could be the fact that her mistress had never slept with another female. The thought might make her mistress uncomfortable or maybe she could not come to terms with being attracted to another female. After all, her master believed that she was straight. That was one of the things that made it take her owner so long to even admit to liking something that it was obvious that she enjoyed, namely kissing Kim. The hero wondered if she should take matters into her own hands.

She wondered if she would be overstepping her boundaries if she were to take control of the situation. She was willing to bet that she would be doing just that because it involved her being the active one in a relationship where she was supposed to be passive. But, she thought that if she left things to her master, they would never get anywhere or at best it might take a really long time, more time than either of them needed to be subjected to. It almost seemed like a damned if she did, damned if she did not situation.

Kim tried to think back to when she first realized that she liked girls and how she reacted to it; she thought that might help her help her mistress without her having to take matters into her own hands. It had not been a big deal to her when she noticed that she was attracted to girls and the first time that she had sexual intercourse with a girl, she had not had too much of a chance to think about what was happening. It all happened way too fast for her to think at the time. Well, that was not much of a help. She guessed that she might just have to be a naughty pet if her mistress did not get her act together. It seemed like the simplest solution to their problem.

---------------------

Kim was sitting on the bedroom floor doing a puzzle. It was Shego's day off, which made it her day off. They were lounging around the bedroom. Shego was on the bed, reading a book while her pet was putting together a huge puzzle to keep her out of the pale woman's hair. It was working so far; Shego was thankful for puzzles with so many pieces.

The green-skinned female did glance down at her little monster every now and then, noting how quickly Kim was solving the puzzle. She did not think anything of that and turned her attention back to her book. She was resting her back against a couple of pillows and the book that she had in hand was thick; she had been meaning to read it for a long while now.

Shego thought that she and her pet needed a break from watching so much television when they relaxed. Kim had no objections to that, especially after her mistress had pulled out a new puzzle and spilled it on the floor. Kim was practically drooling at the sight; there was something about solving things that pulled a trigger in her brain and made her act. The kid was just too easy, Shego thought.

Kim placed the pieces down at a remarkable speed. She was good at puzzles and it usually took about three of them to keep her out of Shego's hair for the whole afternoon. The emerald-eyed woman had taken that into account when giving Kim the puzzle that she had at the moment. She thought to do something that she figured would be distracting by playing some R&B music while the olive-eyed female worked to make sure that it would take the redhead a while to finish the complex puzzle. She was fairly certain that her pet disliked such music; the truth was that Kim was not very distracted because it took a whole lot more than some music to take her off of a task. There was also the fact that she did not have anything against R she just did not listen to it on her own. She even liked the songs that her master played throughout the day.

They were good and quiet for a while; both of them remained on task and did not move too much. When Kim was finished with her puzzle, which was of the solar system with a lot of black space in it that Shego believed would help keep Kim busy, the redhead rose to her feet. She went over to her master and laid down right on top of her, not caring that the older woman was reading; hey, she was a selfish pet and she wanted some attention now. Shego made an irked noise as the young lady settled on her torso. Kim tried to grab the officer's free hand to get Shego to caress her, but that did not work because Shego needed her hand to flip the pages in her book, so she refused to pet her little monster.

Kim wanted attention, but it did not seem like she was going to get it. She was losing to a book, which did not sit well with her at all. She wanted Shego to pay her some mind and then she realized the position that she was in. She was straddling Shego's waist with her head resting right at her mistress' neck. Well, what she was about to do was a no-brainer as far as she was concerned.

The redhead began with grinding her hips against Shego's body. The pale woman almost automatically put a hand on Kim's hip to get her to stop her actions; she did not even have to think about putting her hand there. The slim hero was far from deterred in her actions. She had a good idea in mind and she was going to get what they both wanted and needed. The slender scholar began to lightly lap at her master's neck like a thirsty kitten, taking quick, short licks at the skin.

"Pumpkin," Shego said, trying her best to sound aggravated by what the younger woman was doing. Her tone was close to working as she wanted it to, but not close enough to get her pet to reconsider what she was doing.

"Hmm?" Kim asked, staying pressed against the pale green skin.

"Stop doing that," the moss-hued female ordered.

"Doing what?" the scientist asked, still nipping at Shego's neck with her tongue.

"Just stop."

Kim seemed to consider the order, but not really. She ceased her actions for a moment, but then continued on tasting her master. The flesh was just too good and she wanted to go as far as possible. She decided that she was not going to stop unless Shego physically forced her to do so.

"Can you give me this moment?" Kim requested, speaking into Shego's delicious skin. "Let me have this just once. Only one moment, only this one moment. Just once. Let me…" she whispered.

"No," Shego answered; she wanted to sound firm, but it was hard to do with her monster's breath on her skin. She could not give her girl that moment because it would change everything. Their relationship would change. Besides, she would not be able to deliver. She just was not up to it.

"Yes. Let me make you feel like nothing else in the world matters but you. Let me do this just once, if only once. Just let me show you how great you are…" the adventurer implored her mistress.

They both wanted and needed her to do what she planned to do. The struggle needed to end. Her master just needed to accept everything and allow her to show her master just how well they went together.

"No," the raven-haired female stated again. She could not allow Kim to take her anyway. It would be backwards; Kim would be in control of the situation. She would be at the mercy of her pet. That was just backwards; she was the one that was in charge.

"Yes. Give me this, please. Just give me this, please," the slim hero requested. Of course, it was not just for her, even though her words made it seem that way; it was for Shego too. Her hands had started roaming her mistress' abdomen. Her touch was feather-light, but still tantalizing all the same. Her breath on Shego's neck was just as tempting as the hands floating across her stomach.

"Princess, stop," the pale female commanded while making sure not to move or sound anything aside from annoyed because she did not want her pet to be encouraged by any reactions.

"Please, let me," Kim implored as she began to suck tenderly at the older woman's neck while her hands massaged Shego's ribs.

"What good would it do?" Shego inquired. It was one time; one time was meaningless as far as she could tell. The whole thing was meaningless and it could possibly ruin everything that they had. It was not worth it.

Kim seemed to disagree and took the question as a green light to get started for the simple fact that Shego had not denied her that time. She would show the older woman that it was far from meaningless and everything was going to be all right. There was nothing to worry about; there was no shame in allowing her to pleasure the officer. It was just something that she deeply desired to do, even if she only got to do it once; she thought that once was all she needed and she would be able to open her mistress' eyes to know that they could work.

Kim lifted her head and kissed Shego deeply and passionately to assure her that it was all right. The hero's hands continued to be busy as her tongued danced with Shego's. The mouth was warmer than the body, Kim noted, but the body was just as worthy of a thorough exploration. She was planning to devote as much time to that body as she could. She wanted to know all of that body's secrets and hidden treasures, if only once.

The adventurer's hands affectionately searched her mistress' torso. She was stealthily and lightly pushed Shego's pajama tank-top up out of her way somewhat. She caressed Shego's bare abdomen and ribs, but she had yet to touch the more sensitive hills, her favorite area. There was a plain black sports bra in her way. Kim was going to take her time anyway, so she stayed away from the places that her hands truly desired to go for a little while.

Shego did note that those little hands felt better than any other hands that had ever touched her. She considered that maybe she should still try to stop Kim, but she could not. She wanted it to happen and she was not even thinking about the consequences anymore. She just wanted the touching to keep going and to get deeper.

The redhead broke the kiss that she was sharing with the older woman. She gently lifted the sleeveless tee-shirt off of Shego and stared at what was revealed to her, even though it was not much since there was still that affront of a bra blocking her view. She could now see the whole of the moss green sea of skin that was Shego's torso. It was as if she was gazing up the whole wonderful universe, but the stars of the universe were still out of her sight, hidden by the midnight black of the bra. She would stargaze soon enough, she promised herself, but she was not going to rush things.

Kim leaned in for another kiss, another taste of the green-skinned woman. Shego seemed to finally comprehend what was going on, so she dropped her book, which she had still been holding onto because she was not too sure if Kim would continue or not. For some strange reason, she had considered that eager scholar would stop, like she did every time that she started up. Kim was not about to do such a thing, not when she could show Shego just what it was like to be physically loved by someone that truly loved her with all of her heart and soul.

One of Kim's hands, impatient and impulsive, made its way underneath that onyx sheath of a bra and began feeling for that which was hidden from her. She had actually never felt the bare breast; there was always some covering in the way. So, on that heavenly body, she sought out one star, knowing that it burned for her just as much as she did for it. As she reached her intended destination, she began to burn beyond anything she had ever felt. She could hardly believe how much she wanted the woman underneath her; in turn, the emerald-eyed woman also could not believe how much she wanted the woman above her.

Shego groaned into Kim's mouth when she felt the hand on her breast. The attention at the moment was infinitely better than all of those times that Kim had fondled her before now that she was touching her bare skin and not some cloth. She arched slightly into the hand, hoping for more.

The hero quickly realized that she needed to see what she was touching immediately. She required a better view to do the best job that she could, to make the heavenly body underneath her quiver and melt. She moved her other hand to assist the one already there and lifted the cloth covering her goal. She once again had to break the kiss to be rid of the offending fabric.

The pale woman appeared to want to protest with removal of her bra. She was typically very against showing her bare breasts because of the color of her skin. Her entire body was green, including the peaks of her breasts. She had long ago found out that people seemed to think that such a thing was disgusting and she generally flat-out refused to remove her shirt during sex. She even attempted to cover herself now.

Kim took hold of her mistress' arms when she saw that they dared try to hide the very suns of that heavenly, delightful body. She forced Shego to place her hands on her hips to keep her from attempting to hide anything. She held Shego's hands in place on her hips while turning her olive gaze to the globes that she had never seen before and she felt like she was witnessing the greatest view on Earth. She was struck silent by the sight. She was in awe, but her master was nervous because of the quiet staring.

"So beautiful," the petite scientist managed to whisper. It felt like déjà vu to the older woman and that set her at ease.

The slender hero slowly leaned down to appreciate one gem with her mouth. Her tongue examined one mound in one deliberate motion while her hand investigated the other with just as much curiosity and satisfying intent. The taste was scrumptious, so close to divine that just being able to touch the skin was paradise for her; Shego must have been made from the nectar of the gods, she concluded. She felt the hands on her waist clench, so she increased her activity and she began to feel sharp nails biting into her hip, but even the pain felt good by now.

Shego threw her head back because of the sensation that was coursing through her like a wild river. She was biting her lip now to keep her from crying out. No one had ever made her feel as she did at the moment. How could such a little girl make her feel like her whole body was about to combust at any second? No man had ever made her feel close to what she was experiencing now, like her whole body was engulfed by the energy and light of the sun. She felt like she could go through a thermonuclear reaction at that very moment and Kim had hardly moved from where she was. Could the slim redhead actually make her explode just from paying homage to her breasts? Her body was starting to point directly to a definite confirmation on that question.

Kim approached her work something like a math equation; it was to be contemplated and calculated, yet it was still like an adventure to her because not only had she never done it, but she liked math like most people enjoyed hobbies. She made sure that each part got proper acknowledgement and careful deliberation to get the best and correct result. It might sound tedious, but she made sure to keep working while going at her task in such a manner and her work was paying off.

The redhead's brain found it necessary that her mouth move to the neglected hill top of the green body that she was attending to. Her hand replaced her mouth to make sure that the other mound did not feel lonely and get the wrong idea that it was no longer desired. Once she was at the new mountain, she teased the forest green peak for moment and then she feasted as if it was sweet pea.

Shego's hands moved with her orders from digging into Kim's lower limbs to holding the hero's head in place. Kim was surprised by the sudden pressure and her teeth grazed the jewel that she was trying to be so cautious and loving of. Shego hissed, but Kim quickly made up for her error, not that the older woman really noticed the pain. First, the adventurer gently kissed the area, much like a mother would do to a child with an scraped finger. She then went back to her almost methodic treatment of the pea in her mouth. She soon noticed Shego's body shaking underneath her and she could guess what happened. She looked up to see Shego had her head thrown all the way back and her mouth was forming an "o" with no sound emitting from her; Kim had once been told that she was good at doing that with above the waist attention.

The hands holding Kim to her place against Shego's chest loosened and allowed the redhead to move onto the next part of the equation, to explore more of the heavenly body. She placed two kisses on the stars of the body and then proceeded to make her way to the center of the whole universe. She kissed her way down the warm tropical ocean of flesh, taking her time with everything. She stayed in one place almost long enough to leave a mark, but she always pulled away just in time to prevent any bruising.

Shego recovered by the time Kim made it to her bellybutton. She could not believe that she had just climaxed from that action; the redhead was exceptional with her mouth it seemed. She had never felt something like that before. She could only wonder what was left and if she was going to survive.

Since Kim was at Shego's navel, she stayed there for a while to explore of the cavern with much interest. Her hands had remained up north, reluctant to leave the hills that she had finished devouring. Unfortunately, her hands would soon have to leave their new friends because they would have to remove an extremely offensive piece of cloth. She found that when she needed to move her hands, they both remained where they were. Kim just did not want to stop paying attention to those mounds, even though she was looking to go further along.

The adventurer had to take a deep breath as she decided to move one hand and she had to promise herself to do it quickly, so that her hand could return to its happy place. She tried to remove Shego's shorts with one hand, but she could not get down the length of her legs without moving more of her body much more than she wanted to. She sucked her teeth in annoyance and quickly rid Shego of the shorts. She found herself gawking at the body underneath her; it was the sun and the moon to her. She was looking at paradise.

The raven-haired woman, who was now panting and sweating, wondered why the attention halted. She saw the younger female staring at her. She wondered what was going through Kim's mind. She did not think to try to cover herself now, but she did wonder what it was that the redhead saw when she looked at her. Was she really so magnificent to Kim? Was she really so radiant to another person?

The redheaded hero doubted that Shego would ever understand how glorious she was to Kim. The slim adventurer actually almost forgot what she was doing when she saw the emerald-eyed woman's practically nude body; the only thing that was hiding anything of Shego from her eyes now were a pair of plain, black cotton panties. She left those in place for the time being and decided to go examine the newly discovered world of Shego's thighs.

There was a place that she never thought to visit, Kim realized; she had never touched her mistress' legs before. She was going to make camp there for a while and she began by rubbing Shego's inner thigh with her nose while her hands went back to where they wanted to be. She kissed and licked the inside of Shego's legs, making her way to the shielded center, but she turned away when she made it Shego's core to start the path over from there to the bottom of the thigh.

The pale woman was tempted to just push Kim's head to where she needed to be, but she held off. She would allow the redhead to do it her way, especially since her way was incredible so far. It was a little nerve-wrecking for her to be so close and then to pull back, though.

Kim continued to lick and kiss at the new areas, tasting some of the sweat from her hot-blooded mistress. She was starting to smell the interior of the whole of the world and it beckoned her like a siren's song. She was desired there and she was going to have to oblige; she just could not fight it.

Kim's resolve completely crumbled and she could not stay away from that beacon. She moved her nose from the thigh that she had been so captivated by to the very focal point of her mission, feeling a very well kept secret. She honestly had no problem staying right where she was with her nose touching another treasure that was hidden to her, but it seemed that the celestial body that she was so intent on worshipping wanted her to get back to it; Shego had accidentally pushed herself into Kim's face because she was aching to be touched right where Kim had positioned herself.

The hero began placing soft pecks over the covered center. Her ears were picking up sounds coming from Shego; whimpers and moans to be precise. She figured that it was time to get to the final act. It was time to show Shego that she was paradise.

Kim would have liked to shed her clothing, which was feeling very tight and confining, but she was not going to do that. She wanted it to be all about Shego, to make her completely comfortable with the notion of them being able to make love. She also wanted Shego to understand that she was everything to Kim; she was all that Kim needed. She would give the pale woman everything that she wanted and needed if she was given the chance. So, she slowly removed the one last thing that hid Shego's celestial form from her and when she finally saw the sight that haunted her dreams, Kim whimpered a bit because she was so overwhelmed by the view.

Once again, the adventurer seemed stuck now that she had moved to the next phase. She first licked her lip, which was trembling. She could not believe what she was about to do. She truly was before a feast beyond earthy comprehension. The fruit of the gods that was before her were bare, as smooth as a fresh plum, just like the other tantalizing flesh on that beautiful form. She was going to devour that silky skin, which was slick with nectar.

Kim went back to her exploration, in search of that precious pearl that had been nudging her nose only seconds ago. She would honor it as best she could for as long as she was allowed. Shego unintentionally cried out, hissing in deep ecstasy when Kim's mouth came in contact with her most sensitive area. She had no idea that it would be like that as she was kissed in a way that she never had been before.

The redhead had never so eagerly leaped into such a task before and she was determined to do the best job that she ever had. She went slowly in order to savor what her mistress tasted like; she marked it down as forbidden honey because anything that tasted so good had to be forbidden. One of her hands moved from where they were still playing with Shego's breasts to put a pale green leg on her shoulder for better access. The hand never returned northward, but found a new area of interest, the officer's rump.

While her hand kneaded the new discovery, her mouth continued on and she was making her master pant. Shego's heart was racing and she felt like she was overheating. She bit her lip and ended up breaking the skin, but she failed to notice. Her eyes watered as the pure ecstasy washed over her like a tsunami. It hardly took a minute of such delight before she knew that she was going over the edge and even when she did, the attention did not stop. It actually continued to get better; she could not believe it.

------------------

Kim was laid out on the bed, spread out like a lazy cat. She heard the shower stop and a few minutes later the door opened. Shego stepped in and sat down on the bed. She stared at the redhead for a few moments, just thinking about the slender hero and the things that she had done.

Shego could not believe that someone could make her feel so indescribably incredible. The incident had been mind-blowing and mind-numbing at the same time. It was not wild, but far from chaste; she had never experienced such unbelievable passion in all of her days. It was just unfathomable and almost humbling. It had been moving, frighteningly so. It was so earthshaking that it was disturbing.

She had just been pleasured by her pet in a way that she never had thought was possible. She had just finished screaming the name of her pet; her pet's actual, true name had escaped her lips loudly and coarsely more than once, followed by some other words that she had never thought she would speak to her little monster. She had essentially clung to her pet, hands and legs held the redhead in place, even though the hero had no plans on moving.

Her pet had done things to her that no one had ever done; no one probably even thought to do those things to her, she was willing to bet. Kim had tasted her like she was a nutritious meal; no one had even thought to touch her like that. Her little monster was now her little lover. What were they supposed to do now? What were they now?

Kim was thinking too, but her thoughts were very different from Shego's. She had come to realize that she had just done something that she might never get to do again; after all, she only begged for once and there was the chance that her master would continue to struggle with things despite the fact that she had obviously enjoyed herself. The thought of never doing it again was actually worse than having never done it. Before, it was all left to the imagination, but now she knew what everything felt like and tasted like, what the reactions were, and all of the things that she wanted to do. It seemed like she would never get the taste out of her mouth now, she would always be hungry for what was not there anymore. Now, the memory would always be there, forever and always, but out of her reach. The itch that she had been feeling over and over again since the first time that she thought Shego would make love to her would undoubtedly grow unbearable one day now that she knew what she would never have again.

The redhead dreaded that the older woman would pretend that the whole thing never even happened now that it was over. Even worse than that, what if Shego went back to Junior? She was already fairly certain that the pale woman was dating that pretty boy idiot; she was probably doing more than dating, her mind pointed out. She was not too sure if she would be able to stand her mistress having the nerve to go back to Junior after what she had just done. It would be like Shego tearing her still beating heart from her chest. So, where would they go from there? What were they going to do now?

------------------------

Next time: the aftermath the event.


	19. Gag Nineteen: Double talk

I don't own these characters and I don't own this premise.

Gag Nineteen: Double talk

_This is unbelievable. I'm talking totally, completely un-be-fucking-lievable. My brat, this kid who only recently was able to buy liquor just made me feel…I don't even know. I've honestly never felt anything like it and I'd love nothing more than to feel it again, but the problem is what if this fucks up what we have? I really don't want to lose this kid or what we have. I hope this didn't fuck everything up. _

Kim and Shego believed that they had hit a crossroads in their relationship and both paths seemed impossible to take, but it did not seem like they could stay where they were. What was the watershed event that had them so deep in thought about their relationship? Shego had just given into Kim's desire and allowed Kim to pleasure her. To pile on the pressure, Kim had done a damn good job. And now, they were bemused.

The pair was not very sure what they were to each other anymore. Shego wondered if she should consider Kim a lover now while the redhead wondered if the act had been a whim. Would what happened be forgotten? Would it be best to forget about it? After all, what were they supposed to do? They had to talk and they both knew that.

Shego moved to the head of the bed; she had been seated at the foot of the bed before. She grabbed Kim on her way to the top of the bed and let the petite scientist rest against her, which Kim thought was a good sign, even though it might mean that her mistress was just looking to return everything to normal. The pale woman rubbed her chin a bit while Kim made herself comfortable against the raven-haired female. Where would they begin? What was the most important issue?

"Princess," Shego started.

Kim laughed a little bit; she was back to being "Princess" or "Pumpkin." Hardly a half hour ago, the elder female had been shouting the name "Kim" to the clouds for all to hear. She did not mind the change; she had no problem with going back to being a pet now, for the moment anyway. She understood that was the way that Shego was comfortable with her and she had gotten used to being a spoiled pet for the most part anyway. She did not mind what she was; if she did, she would have left a long time ago.

"What are you now?" the green-skinned woman asked curiously. She felt so odd that she did not even want to command Kim to remain her little monster. She thought that the slim redhead might resent the orders now if she no longer viewed herself as a pet. She considered that the slender hero might think of herself as having captured that elusive dream of becoming Shego's partner.

"What do you mean?" the redhead countered. She was perplexed by the question. She was the same person that she had been forty-five minutes ago, so she did not see why her mistress would ask such a question.

"Are you still my pet?" Shego inquired, hoping to control the emotion in her voice. She liked Kim as a pet because she liked taking care of the little hero. For some reason, she enjoyed having someone depend on her like Kim did, even if the younger female was only doing it for her sake.

"Duh, what else would I be?" the slender adventurer answered. She knew that the older woman needed her around and she would stay around as long as she was needed and wanted, even as a pet.

"Just checking," Shego replied with a small smile.

The pale woman rubbed the top of Kim's head. She felt so relieved by the information that Kim was still her pet. So, maybe things would not be that weird. After all, Kim was still her little monster; the redhead just knew that they worked best when she was the pet and Shego was the mistress thanks to her behavior a couple of months back when she tried to act like a girlfriend and not a pet. She really had no problem remaining a pet, especially if she was allowed to copulate with her mistress more than that one time, even though she had only requested that one time. In retrospect, she guessed that it would have been a much better idea to not say just that once. Usually, she would nonchalantly chalk things up to "live and learn," but the issue was much too important to her for her to do that now.

"Shego," Kim said in a low tone.

"Yeah?" the emerald-eyed woman inquired.

"Was this it?" the younger female asked.

"Huh?" Shego was not following what her munchkin meant.

"I mean, are you…will I be able to do this again or are you going to go back to…" Kim trailed off because she was not entirely sure how to phrase her question. She was not completely sure of what she wanted to ask, or it could have been that she just did not want a certain answer and she was scared that she might get that one. The main thing was knowing if she would be able to touch Shego intimately again and maybe even have the action returned.

Shego understood the main point of her pet's unfinished inquiry. She would have thought that answer was obvious from the way that she had been wantonly shouting, panting, just her all-around behavior on that very bed not even an hour ago. But, she would see why her monster would ask such a question; she could be so flighty with her girl on many matters, she noted. Should they continue to do such things? Their relationship might become awkward after a while and she did not want that.

"Princess, are you sure this is what you want?" Shego asked. She was not sure if it was to avoid answering the question, even though she wanted to just give the girl permission to screw her into the ground anytime that the idea came to mind. But, she had a couple of problems with giving such an answer and the main reason was that she did not want their relationship to get messed up. The other reason was that she believed it would be selfish of her to give into such sexual pleasure while not being certain that she could return such attention.

"Why? You regret it?" Kim countered. She would be rather insulted if her mistress regretted something that she had poured her heart and soul into; not to mention other, more tangible parts of herself.

"No, I don't regret it. I just don't want it to ruin what we have going already. I mean, you are my pet," the officer said.

"And I always will be. We both know that. Are you saying we can't do stuff like that because I'm a pet?" the redhead asked in a puzzled tone. She really did not understand why they could not do such a thing because she was a pet; she was also human and that was the main thing in her opinion.

"Well…don't you think it'll be a little weird after a while?" the raven-haired female asked.

"No," Kim answered honestly. "I know I'm a pet. I know what I agreed to. If you're worried about me acting out again, you don't have to. I know not to do it again. I'm just your pet," she declared. She attempted to prove her point by taking Shego's hand and forcing the older woman to pet her head.

Shego smiled a bit again. It was good to know that she was going to get to keep her pet. She still was not sure if she should agree to let Kim do what she just did again. It would be sort of taking advantage of her loving brat, she considered, because she just did not feel like she would be able to do it in return. It would not be fair to Kim.

"You're a pet that needs sex undoubtedly and you want it from me," the pale woman muttered.

Kim smiled like a little elf. "No one else will do," she admitted easily.

Shego shook her head as if she was amused, which she was, a little anyway. Her pet honestly and truly loved her; she could tell that for a long time, even though her monster never said so out loud in front of her. Shego, unfortunately, was not sure what to do with such knowledge. She, of course, loved the little redhead in return, but she had been fairly certain that it was not a sexual love; she was not so certain now, but there was more to it. To add to that, she realized that she would not mind getting more attention like that from her pet and would also like to give her pet what she wanted and deserved, but she was still so nervous about that notion.

The super-powered woman just did not know what she should do when it came to intercourse with her pet. She did not want to perform badly and then let her pet down. She was supposed to be so high-powered and everything and she wanted to keep that image up. She was the all-powerful mistress, after all, and was never supposed to let her pet think otherwise. She just did not know what to do.

"If we do this, you want it to be exclusive, don't you?" the moss-hued woman asked for lack of a better question. It was not like she could ask something more relevant, like for her munchkin to teach her some moves; that would be way too embarrassing.

"I'd like that. Why, you don't want that?" the olive-eyed hero countered.

"I don't know, Pumpkin. I really don't know. I don't want this to get weird. I mean, we do have to live together," Shego pointed out, continuing to pet her little monster through out their talk.

Kim pouted; she was genuinely saddened. It seemed like her mistress was against them being intimate ever again. She supposed that she should have guessed as much; her mistress seemed to so enjoy a pointless struggle. Besides, she was a pet and masters were not supposed to sleep with their pets. But, she was human too, so it should be all right.

"I'm never going to have sex again," Kim muttered. She was actually going to itch forever and always. That was a horrible thought.

"What?" Shego asked curiously. She had heard what the girl said, but she was not sure if she had heard right.

"Nothing," the redhead replied.

"Did you just say that you're never going to have sex again?" the officer inquired.

"Uh-huh," the younger female confirmed.

"Why would you say that?"

"I told you that no one else will do, but you. I want you and only you, but you don't want to sleep with me," the redhead explained in a mumble.

Shego was not sure what to say. Her little elf looked so pitiful and it was all her fault. She pressed the younger woman to her and continued to caress her scalp. She leaned down and kissed the top of Kim's head. She really would like to be able to touch Kim in the same way and fulfill any little perverted fantasies that she might have, but she just doubted that she could do it. She doubted that she could perform anywhere near what Kim wanted.

"Don't think like that, Pumpkin. It's not that I don't want to sleep with you. You're a damn sexy little monster, okay?" Shego stated.

"So, why?" Kim asked curiously.

"I'm straight, Princess," the pale woman said plainly. She was straight; well, she was pretty sure that she was straight. It was just so much easier to say and believe that than to admit that she just did not think that she would perform up to task for her imp.

Kim fought the urge to scoff or even laugh because her mistress' statement was close to a joke. She could tell that her master was about as straight as she was. She decided against saying that, though. She was far from interested in arguing, so she just lounged against her owner while she could and reveled in the feeling of being caressed.

It seemed that the sexy lady that she was resting against would never be hers exclusively, Kim figured. She would have to share her mistress with Junior and some other guys through out their lives. She also noted that she had never gotten a direct answer about if she would be able to touch her owner again, so that was up in the air too. There was also the fact that she might never have sex again. So, none of her questions were really answered. So, she did not really know what to expect.

----------------------

Shego stared down at her little pet, who was sleeping. The pale woman was supposed to be sleeping too, but she was too lost in thought. She figured that she should be very flattered that she was the only person on the planet that Kim wanted to sleep with. She actually was flattered, more so than she had ever been in her life, but there was something else that she felt. She was not sure what the emotion was; she was actually touched to her heart and her soul, but she was not likely to acknowledge that.

She considered that she might be feeling guilty; it was not something that she had much experience with, but she was feeling it at the moment with several other emotions. She felt guilty because she just could not find it in herself to make love to her yearning little imp. Her slender rascal would do almost anything for her and to her apparently, yet she could not give the kid the one thing that she desired. She could barely imagine going without sex for as long as Kim seemed to resign herself to; celibacy, all for her.

"Why do you want me so badly? It's just sex," Shego commented.

The moss-hued woman would have bet her left arm that Kim could go out and find several people willing to pound her like there was no tomorrow in a matter of minutes, yet none of those people would do. It was obviously more than "just sex" to Kim; Shego would now concur wholeheartedly from the way that the little redhead made her feel that afternoon. Sex was never that fulfilling, satisfying, and just indescribable because of the attention put into it. Would Kim feel like that if she could find it in her to return the favor?

If she could make her mini-monster feel even a fraction of what Kim made her feel, Shego believed that such a thing would be beyond wonderful. She just did not think that she would be able to do such a thing. She had no idea what she was doing and she just could not do it because she knew that she would not be as good as Kim. She figured that the petite hero would feel gypped if she ever did work up the courage to touch the girl; little did she know, but Kim had not been touched in years and she would have appreciated just about anything from the older woman.

The raven-haired woman's thoughts were thrown off when she felt movement against her. She glanced down at Kim and saw the adventurer was rubbing her hips against her side. It seemed that the redhead was worked up thanks to their afternoon activity and that itch that she had been so worried about was bothering her as if it had infected her. While she was having a naughty dream, she was seeking relief in real life. She even bit her lip in frustration when it seemed like mere rubbing was not going to cut it.

"What are you dreaming about?" Shego wondered as she caressed her girl's scalp.

Kim whimpered a bit and moved closer to the super-powered female. She continued grinding against her mistress and Shego could guess what was on her pet's mind. She briefing pondered if her brat was really sleeping or merely pretending in order to get away with such lewd behavior. It looked like she was sleeping; in fact, all signs pointed to her being asleep, so Shego decided that she did not mind the action. She probably would not have minded no matter what, but with Kim being asleep and unaware of her actions, that made it even more okay to do.

"Is this really what you're reduced to, Pumpkin? Man, this is crazy. You'd better actually be sleeping or I'm going to kick your ass later on," Shego mumbled.

The emerald-eyed female reached down to soothe away her imp's aggravation. She told herself that she was only doing it to help out Kim; it did not make her any less straight and there was nothing wrong with it. Sure, she was going to sort of be touching Kim while the girl was asleep, which was something that would get the slim scholar barked on and beaten with several pillows if the roles were reversed, but she was attempting to be of some assistance, not perverted like the slender scientist would.

To further assert the fact that it was no big deal, she made sure that her hand was shielded by Kim's pajamas. Her help did not really seem to be as aiding as she thought it would from the look on the redhead's face; Kim's expression in her sleep was still one of irritation. The pale woman sighed.

"You really better be asleep then," Shego said because of what it looked like things were going to come to.

It was not just that the green-skinned female did not want Kim to be aware of what she was about to do to her, but she would rather that because she did not want to be judged. It was a strange thing to not want to be judged by her pet, she thought since it was something that she never thought about before, but it was suddenly something on her mind. She did not want Kim to know that she touched her because she did not desire that Kim feel dissatisfied with the whole action. It would not be fair to her munchkin and she really did not want her pet to look at her differently after doing something below par.

Shego found herself a little curious about what she was now considering in order to get Kim to stop rubbing against her. How did Kim feel? What would it be like to touch her? Would it be strange to do such a thing? She would soon find out as she went past the waistband of Kim's shorts.

Questions answered; Kim was soft and silky and it felt unexpectedly amazing to touch her, so no, it was not strange. She considered that she might even be able to do it again when her girl was awake because it was not weird and she did not mind the feel. In fact, she somewhat enjoyed the smooth feeling of her girl.

The petite hero seemed to appreciate the contact, rolling her hips to meet the fingers, causing some much desired, almost needed friction. Shego did not move her hand much, allowing her monster to do most of the work. The redhead moved slowly into the two fingers against her and made a few small whimpers as she did so. It hardly took half-a-minute for Kim to sigh quietly and stop her movement. She settled against Shego and remained in a dead sleep.

The pale woman removed her hand and stared at her fingers for a while. Because of the dark that surrounded them, she could not see the sticky substance on her fingers, but she could feel it. She then did something that she would have considered weird; she licked her fingers to taste Kim's essence. Maybe her pet was on to something about them being able to have a sexual relationship, she considered just for the fact that she had done something so odd.

"I owe it to her to try and I know want to try. I mean, it's not like I can go out and have sex with just anyone anymore, but it's not like I can work up…whatever I need to fuck her either. Maybe it'll just take some time. I mean, that was just interesting, after all. Fine," she yielded with a sigh.

The green-skinned woman did think that the least she could do for Kim was devote all of her time to the redhead, just like Kim had done for her. After all, the slim scientist had gone beyond being her pet, but went so far as to resign herself to a life of chastity while waiting for her mistress. At least Shego could pay her mischievous munchkin all of her attention, acknowledging the effort as best she could at the moment. She would give her monster her all because the girl deserved that and more.

----------(New day)

There was a knock at the apartment door and Shego quickly answered it. There was no real reason for her to answer the door so rapidly; she had the place to herself, so it was not like the noise was going to wake up her precious imp. But, she wanted to get the bothersome exchange that she knew was coming out of the way. She supposed that she brought it on herself by not realizing or acknowledging how deeply devoted her little pet was sooner.

She should have acknowledged her monster's whole affection for her sooner, she supposed. While she might not have been able to fully return the affection physically, at least not if Kim was awake it seemed, she believed that she should have done more for her loving little elf. She did want Kim to be happy because a happy monster meant lots of smiles, cheers, and hugs, which actually meant that Shego was happy. It just took her a while to realize that; she guessed that she could be very stupid, especially when it came to her munchkin.

"Whoever heard of an exclusive master/pet relationship, though?" Shego asked herself just to amuse herself. But then again, whoever heard of a human pet actually being treated like a for-real pet rather than as a sexual partner? She sighed; her relationship with Kim was getting crazy, confusing, and weird. The odd thing was that she did not mind the change like she thought she would. She was going with it because it seemed like the right thing to do, the better thing to do.

"Hello, pretty lady," Junior greeted Shego as she opened the door.

"Hey, Junior," Shego replied and she was going to usher him in, but she did not see the point in that. He was not going to be there for long if she had anything to say about it and she did not want to have to force him to leave if things came to that. She could just slam the door when it was all said and done, which worked for her.

"It's funny. I was just thinking about you," he said with his usual charming smile.

"You're always just thinking about me it seems. You need to get a new image in your head or something," she teased him.

"No, I'm fine with the one. I like thinking of you," he replied smoothly.

Shego laughed a little bit. He was one of the few guys that she had ever met that tried to smooth talk her and to hide what it was obvious he wanted from her. He might genuinely like her for all she knew, but it just was not enough. In her mind, she would always think that he was just being nice to her because he wanted to sleep with her, which he did want to do. Of course, he did want to sleep with her, but he liked her enough to not push the issue as much as he usually would with other women; not that he had to push the issue with other women.

"You might want to invest in a new hobby. Junior, we can't hang out anymore," the green-skinned female stated plainly.

Junior appeared to be completely bemused, which he was. "I do no understand," he admitted. Her statement seemed so out of the blue to him that it just did not make any sense.

"Yeah, I'll bet. Look, you're a great kid. Great to party with and everything, but I can't do it anymore," she replied.

"Wait, you're breaking up with me?" he asked in total shock.

"Breaking up?" she echoed and it was her turn to be bewildered. "We were never dating," she pointed out.

"What? Yes, we are dating," he argued.

"No, Junior, I was just hanging out with you because you know how to show a girl a good time. We're not and haven't been dating," Shego explained.

"Yes, we have! You are my girlfriend!" he insisted in a shout. It seemed like he was throwing a temper tantrum.

"Um…no," she said. In a moment, she was just going to slam the door in his face and let him cry for a while in the hall. As much as she hated to concede it, she knew that he would get over her quickly. He was young, three years her junior in fact, good-looking, and rich as hell. He was bound to forget about her soon when a bunch of girls started throwing tits and ass in his face. She was actually all right with him getting over her, he should do just that. It was not like she was going to miss him at all, so he should just get over her.

"How could you break up with me?" he screamed with tears in his eyes. He legitimately liked Shego and she was the first woman to ever break up with him. He realized that he disliked the feeling of being the one cut off, especially since he liked her.

"Junior, we weren't going out," she pointed out again.

"You can't do this to me! You're a nobody! Just a green police officer with a tiny apartment and an ugly cousin! I won't let you do this!" he bitterly declared.

Shego frowned; Junior was unaware of how close he was to leaving her building through the hallway windows with scorch marks covering his body. He had just hit too many points that did not need to be touched with his outburst. She was far from a nobody, her apartment was beyond fantastic, and her so-called cousin was a darling little creature, much better than Junior ever would be, even if she was whiny.

The pale woman did not let Junior off the hook, even though she did not throw him out of a window. She grabbed him by the collar and pulled him down to her level. She then smirked at him; she looked about the closest thing that he would ever see to a demon on Earth.

"Listen carefully because I'm not going to repeat this, you spoiled brat. First of all, you and I aren't so different from each other, believe it or not. You're going to go home and cry to your daddy about this nonsense, I can see it in your eyes. He'll react because you're spoiled, but once something comes at me, I'm going to react. I'm going to react harshly because I'm not a nobody and, believe it or not, you're not the only one with a parent that knows how to spoil a child. I won't even have to say anything, but after you come after me and even if I crush you like the big bug you are, and I will crush you, I promise you that. But, you'll still have to deal with wrath of someone far worse than I am. You'll have to deal with a devil. So, my advice to you is to watch your mouth, suck it up, and get the fuck out of my sight," Shego stated.

The moss-colored woman shoved Junior away with a force that he did not expect, showing off more of her powers aside for her plasma. He coughed when he luckily impacted the wall instead of one of the many windows; he would have easily gone through the glass if he had hit the thick windows and had fallen right in the courtyard four stories below. He did crack the wall and he fell to the ground, clutching his chest. He glared at her as if he wanted revenge; he had something beyond a murderous intent in his sapphire eyes.

"Change that face and don't be stupid. Go home, because if I have to put my hands on you again, the jaws of life won't be able to pry me off," Shego promised him.

She remained in the door way, waiting to see what he would decide. A few of the tenants exited their apartments, wondering about the noises that they were hearing. She glared at the few people that came out looking to mind her business and they all wisely returned to their homes. Junior slowly rose to his feet and continued to stare daggers at the raven-haired female. He made an angry fist and she did the same. He then relaxed his hand and he headed toward the stairs to leave. Shego scowled.

"I love making new friends," Shego sarcastically commented to the air. She actually liked making new enemies; she loved it when they realized that there was no way to stop her or get back at her.

"Shego, what's all this noise out here?" Miss Crocket demanded to know from the down the hall.

"Just getting rid of some vermin," the pale woman answered.

"This is just unbelievable. I will not put up with this anymore," the Texan declared.

"That's makes two of us," Shego remarked and she slammed her door on the landlady. Miss Crocket frowned; she definitely was not looking to keep the green-skinned woman in her building anymore.

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Next time: the return of Isabel and she will not be happy.


	20. Gag Twenty: Ownership rights

I don't own these characters and I don't own this premise.

Gag Twenty: Ownership rights

_Okay, okay, okay. I need to calm my breathing and my heart. The best thing ever has happened. It really is the best thing. Shego has decided that I'm enough for her, as in she will not be dating anyone anymore. I have her all to myself! Now, there weren't any promises of sweet, passionate sex, but still, my mistress is now mine and that's the most important thing._

"Mine, mine, mine," Kim chanted as if she was at a sporting event. She felt hyped up, as if her team had won a big game, but nothing like that had happened.

The redhead was laid out on the floor on her stomach with her head propped up in her hands and she was staring at exactly what she was claiming. Well, she was eyeing part of what she was claiming, namely her mistress' ass and in her opinion, it was a glorious sight. She was grinning while letting the only person in the apartment know that Shego was hers; Shego was, of course, the only other person in the apartment.

"Are you going to keep saying that?" the green-skinned female inquired with a tired sigh. Her pet looked so elfish and adorable that she could not find it in her to yell at the irksome kid to get her to stop. She was even making a pie, as if rewarding her monster for being such a pest.

"Yup," Kim replied with a wide grin.

The petite hero was very happy because Shego was all hers; the older woman had not said so in as many words, but that was the idea that Kim got from it. The green-skinned female had come clean about the nature of her relationship with Junior just last night. She had talked most of the night and Kim had listened, like a good little pet for once. When the pale woman had finished, Kim admitted that she knew about Junior, but she did not know the whole truth and told her mistress such.

The slim adventurer had confessed that she saw her master kissing and being groped by the sapphire-eyed young man one night, which had upset her enough to cause her nightmares. Shego recalled the night somewhat and informed her munchkin that she had been very drunk and that was why she had been acting so wild, but not anymore and she had never done anything with Junior. The emerald-eyed woman then promised to be a responsible pet owner and focus all of her energy on her little monster; she then tickled Kim until the redhead rolled off of the bed to get away from her torturous mistress. Once she calmed down, Kim realized that her mistress was all hers. Yes! It had taken all of her self-control to not dance in the room. She maintained a calm and cool exterior, but on the inside, she was screaming with joy.

"Mine, mine, mine, mine," Kim went back to humming. She had been saying it all day. She was so overjoyed; she doubted that she would be able to explain her feelings on the matter and even if she could, she bet that no one would understand.

"Wrong, you're mine," Shego decided to correct her brat since the little annoyance was going to just lie there, kicking her feet up, and grinning while repeating that one word like she was a trained parrot.

"And you're mine," the younger female countered.

"No, you're my pet," the pale woman stated.

"And you're my mistress. Mine. All mine," Kim declared with a cute, impish look in her eyes.

Shego snorted in protest. What a foolish statement, she thought. Since she was the mistress around the house, then everything was hers, pet included. The pet could not have the master; the master had the pet, which was why the master was the master. She decided to stop thinking about her monster's words. She knew that her girl was just looking to be bothersome; it was working, as it usually did.

While the raven-haired officer decided to focus on her task, Kim got up from her space on the floor. She crept up behind her owner and embraced her. Shego snorted again, as if she did not want the contact, while the redhead wrapped her arms around the older woman's waist. She sighed like a content kitten and then she began rubbing her cheek into her mistress' shoulder blade; it was a soothing thing to do as far as both of them were concerned.

"All mine," the slender adventurer whispered. It was about freaking time a small voice in the back of her mind commented.

Shego did not say a word, but it felt so good to have those little hands pressed against her abdomen. It was lovely to have those slim arms around her. It was delightful to have that lithe form against her. It was just all around fantastic to have the redhead in her life.

The pale woman supposed that she had made the right decision in devoting her time and basically herself to her pet. Kim made her feel damn near special and no one else on the planet could or had done that before. No one made her feel close to what Kim did.

But, she still was not Kim's; Kim was hers and she wanted to get that point across. As she thought about it, baking the irksome creature a pie probably was not the best way to go about asserting her dominance in the apartment. She was going to have to stop seeming to reward her pet for acting out and she was also going to have to show that she was the one in charge. After all, she was the mistress of the house.

---------(New day)

Shego exited her apartment and was met by a glare from her landlady. She sighed; why her, really? What had she done to be cursed with that woman as a building owner? She was so sick of Anita Crocket. She could not believe that the woman was still in her ass, so to speak. It had been so long since she had someone in her butt so deeply and she did not like it. She hated being so popular with annoying people, as she looked at it. Making a new enemy was one thing, but having an irksome person that lived within yards of her was just too much.

"What?" Shego snapped since the blue-eyed woman was standing right in front of her and eyeing her as if she was plotting against her; obviously, something was up.

Miss Crocket only frowned and walked away, thankfully in Shego's opinion. She did not want to have to deal with that annoying biddy, although she was curious for a couple of moments why the woman was just standing outside of her door. Did that old bat really have nothing better do with her time? She decided to dismiss the incident from her mind as she proceeded to the stairs and went to the exit of the complex. As soon as she was out on the street, she ran into two fingers, which thumped her right in the center of her forehead; it was something that she would do to Kim to punish the annoying kid.

"Ow!" Shego complained as if the blow actually hurt and she ignited her hands in fury, even though she knew that there was the only person that would dare do such a thing to her. "Damn it, what the hell, Mommy?" she demanded to know before she even noticed her mother was there.

"Do you have any fucking clue about all of the damn phone calls I've been getting thanks to you? Shit, it's like you're a damn teenager again," Isabel declared in anger.

The middle-aged woman's plan had been to go upstairs to Shego's condo, warmly greet Kim, and then pluck her troublesome daughter in the forehead. But, she did not mind things not going according to plan because she still got to thump her daughter in the forehead. She would also get to holler at her troublemaking daughter as she planned; she would greet Kim once she done chewing Shego out.

"Doesn't sound like my fucking problem," Shego countered with an attitude since her mother had shown up all angry and hitting her in the forehead as if she were a disobedient child.

"Oh, no? I bet it would sound more like your fucking problem if I whipped your narrow ass right here in the street. And put those damn hands out unless you do want to throw down right here and right now," Isabel stated firmly. She was being very serious.

"I probably could take you down, you know," the green-skinned daughter pointed out in a defiant tone since she knew that her mother meant her words.

"Do you want to chance that one? I'm pissed enough to take you on and put you out for the rest of day," the middle-aged woman proclaimed.

"What the fuck are you so pissed about? I didn't even do anything," Shego argued. It had been a wise decision on her part to change the subject since her mother seemed to really be attempting to pick a fight.

The super-powered woman did not understand why her mother was so upset with her. She had just been living her life as usual, so she did not see what the problem was. She did power down her hands, in case her mother was serious as she seemed to be. She was not supposed to show fear in front of her mother, but she was also not supposed to provoke the woman enough to where a fight would be instigated either. It was a fine line that she walked when it came to the older female.

"Oh, no? Then why the hell is my fucking phone being blown up like I was in a damn war?" Isabel inquired while waving her cell phone in her daughter's face, further showing her irritation.

"Do you want me to break it?" Shego inquired with a frown.

"Firefly, I'm not playing around here," Isabel said.

"Look, Mommy, I don't know what you're going on about," the younger woman insisted.

"Fine. Where are you going? I'll tell you all about it on the way."

Shego frowned; she did not want to spend the day with her mother. It just was not a pleasing option in her opinion because she could not stand being around the older woman. Besides, she somewhat had an idea as to what her mother was so furious about and why people were calling her phone like it was the end of the world and she had all of the answers. She decided to not argue; her mother was too hardheaded to listen anyway. They went to her car since it was likely that her mother took a cab to her apartment; she was not even sure if her mother owned a car now that she thought about it.

"So, are people calling you about getting me thrown out of my apartment or a billionaire brat looking to get some horrible revenge on me?" Shego asked curiously as she jumped into the driver's seat.

"Both. It's so exhausting," Isabel sighed while getting on the passenger side. "What did you do?" she inquired.

"Well, my complex just got a new landlady and we hate each other about just as much as most people hate me and I hate most people. The billionaire brat didn't seem happy when I told him I didn't want to party with him anymore and I did fling him into a wall," the moss-hued woman explained as if the reasons were nothing at all.

"Well, those people are calling in favors and word quickly got back to me. I hope you have something planned for them," Isabel commented.

"Oh, you're actually going to let me do something without trying to hold my hand or criticize me while doing it? Wow, thanks," Shego replied sarcastically.

"Oh, hahaha," Isabel said in an equally sardonic tone. "You always need my help," the mother declared.

"That's a quaint little world you live in there, Mommy. I need your help as much as I need a hole in the head. I can handle this shit on my own," the younger woman proclaimed.

Isabel looked skeptical by those words; Shego expected as much. Isabel was a strange mother to have and Shego bet that if she was given the choice, she would never pick the woman to be her mother. Her mother knew how she was, seemed to respect her, but also never wanted to allow her to do things on her own when it was so very clear that she was capable. Her mother treated her like a baby sometimes in her opinion and it, of course, irked her to no end.

Isabel was not trying to be overbearing or overprotective; although more often than not, she knew that was what she was. It was just that Shego was her only daughter and she was used to giving her a lot of attention, even when she did not like it or did not want it. She was used to stepping in because she did not want anything to happen to her little girl. She always felt that she was the only line of defense that her little girl had. Besides, if anyone was going to hurt Shego, it was going to be her; no one else could even touch her daughter. She knew that it was a strange way to look at things, especially since she was serious, but to her, it just meant that she was the only one allowed to be harsh with Shego if it was necessary.

"So, where are we going?" Isabel asked since she now knew why she was getting so many phone calls. She was already thinking of ways to assist her daughter, even though one would not be able to tell from looking at her to know that she was scheming.

"I need to pick up something for Pumpkin," Shego replied.

"Still spoiling her, huh?" the older woman inquired with a slightly warm smile. She was so happy that her daughter had found someone to share her life with and someone that made Shego so noticeably happy.

"Just making sure she knows who's in charge," the super-powered female answered. Her mother tried her best to not look skeptical on the response, but she failed considerably.

----------------------

Shego and her mother climbed the stairs in Shego's building. They were heading for her home, of course. They were both holding bags and even though they were not truly irked, they appeared to be annoyed by something. It was just their shared expression when neutral. As they hit the top of the complex, they ran into Anita Crocket; well, now they would have a reason to appear to be bothered.

"They say speak of the devil and he shall appear," Shego remarked; she and her mother had been discussing her landlady in depth on their trip.

"Odd, I always pictured the devil taller," Isabel commented while taking a good look at the landlady.

"Only because you once filled the position," the daughter quipped.

"Is it that you want me to put you over my knee?" Isabel asked dryly. Miss Crocket, not knowing who Isabel was, took the comment in the wrong context.

"Who are you?" the Texan demanded to know, thinking that she had another "pervert" in her building. Her usually polite demeanor had slipped because Shego had been getting on her nerves, so she just did not like anyone in Shego's company now.

"Such an endearing tone. Who might you be?" Isabel countered in a light tone, as if she was not offended by the way the blue-eyed woman spoke to her.

"Anita Crocket. I own the building," the blue-eyed female declared.

"Ah, how impressive and here it is I thought you only made those cookies. I had heard you were older, though. Supposedly much older than I am. Plastic surgery does work wonders," the middle-aged martial artist remarked.

"You mean this is the cookie bitch?" Shego asked her mother in disbelief.

"Yes, she would be that Crocket," Isabel answered.

"No shit," Shego muttered. She actually bought her landlady's brand of cookies often because they were her pet's favorite brand. The lady on the box did not look anything like the complex owner; apparently, plastic surgery could do just about anything now.

"And who are you?" Anita demanded to know, speaking to Isabel again.

"Isabel Gooding. Shego's mother," the emerald-eyed female answered in a calm tone. She was not particularly famous for any one thing, so she did not expect a businesswoman to know who she was like she knew who Miss Crocket was. One needed to have a wide range of hobbies to know Isabel Gooding, or at least be very into martial arts.

Miss Crocket frowned; it seemed that she did know the name. The mother and daughter figured that Miss Crocket would know Isabel since she was one of the reasons that the middle-aged martial artist's phone was ringing nonstop. Isabel had so many connections that her children could not walk down the street most of the time without her finding about it, so it was impossible to be looking to throw her daughter out into the street without her knowing almost immediately. She also could not allow that to happen, so the Texan was learning the pull that the Gooding family had; it did not help matters that Shego herself had her own connections and people did owe her debts. Miss Crocket was playing tug-of-war against two powerful women by accident; she had assumed that she would only have one opponent and she thought that her money would come out on top.

"You're quite the popular woman," the blue-eyed female said to Isabel in a clipped tone.

"Only active. I suggest that you get a hobby, though. She's been here long before you and will remain until she wishes to leave, but not a moment before then," Isabel replied.

"Do you know what kind of woman your daughter is?" the brunette woman inquired. She considered that Isabel might be ignorant of the fact that her daughter was keeping a young redhead as a sex slave; it did not seem like a fact that a mother would know about her daughter.

Isabel glanced at her daughter. "I'm vaguely aware," she remarked.

"I doubt it," Anita commented.

"Why? Do you have some fanciful news that you'd like to privy to me?" the graying woman inquired as if she cared. She doubted that it was possible for someone like Anita to give her information about her children that she did not know. Her information tended to come from friends and associates that happened to come across her children or knew people that knew her children. It was a complicated and reliable network.

"Look, Mommy, you can stand here and have this stupid conversation, but I'm going home," Shego stated while turning to go to her door.

"I doubt that she has anything worth listening to," Isabel said.

Miss Crocket frowned again because of the rudeness; it was obvious to her where Shego got her attitude from. The mother and daughter went to the door and Isabel entered first. The mother was tackled around the waist and fell over because of the surprise hit; Kim had embraced with wrong Gooding. They just look so much alike and she had not been expecting Isabel to come in with her mistress since Shego had left the apartment by herself. The green-skinned female could not help laughing as Kim seemed dumbfounded while gawking back and forth between mother and daughter.

"Good to see you, Princess," Isabel commented with a small, amused smile. She even rubbed the top of Kim's head.

"I'm sorry!" Kim apologized wholeheartedly as she crawled off the middle-aged woman. She offered her hand to help Isabel up, which the older woman took and allowed Kim to pull her up. The slender hero then grinned sheepishly. "I thought you were Shego," the redhead explained.

"Such a warm greeting, but only for your crabby mistress, huh?" Isabel said, still smiling a bit.

"Yup," Kim answered with an impish expression as she embraced her owner tightly. Shego petted her munchkin as a greeting, but did not return the hug because her mother was there and watching.

"Still a happy little pet. I'm guessing Shego's taking very good care of you," Isabel commented. She wondered if she would always think that they were so cute together. She guessed that it was because Kim was so adorable and that she made Shego act so unlike herself that it was endearing.

"Yup, Shego's the best," Kim proclaimed sincerely.

"Stop trying to kiss up. I won't make you any pasta no matter how much you try to butter me up," Shego stated. She always assumed that her pet was attempting to get something like pasta when she began singing Shego's praises.

Kim pouted, as if she was truly hurt, and she released her mistress. The moss-hued officer rubbed her pet's head again before walking off toward her bedroom to get rid of her bags. Isabel went to the living room to put her bags down. She sat down on the sofa and the slim redhead followed her.

"You've been taking good care of her, right?" Isabel asked Kim. She was, of course, referring to Shego.

"To the very best of my ability, ma'am," the little hero reported with a salute, which caused the older martial artist to smile again.

"You are just too darling, you know that?"

"I try," Kim replied. She doubted that she was as darling in the outside world as she was with Shego. What had started out as an act when she was eighteen was now a part of her personality once her master was nearby.

"You know, I had the opportunity to see you in action on television recently. It is hard to see you outside and picture you with her. I realized then just how much you must really like being with her," Isabel commented.

The hero that she had seen on television was almost the opposite of what she was used to seeing when she saw Kim. Now, she knew that people in action were different than when they relaxed, but still, she got a better idea of what Kim was capable of doing and to see the redhead in action and then picture her with Shego was an odd thing. Someone like Kim being a pet was someone like Shego being a pet, Isabel believed; it was just close to impossible. So, for Kim to be willing to be Shego's pet spoke volumes of how much the slender adventurer truly enjoyed being with the cantankerous officer.

"Well, I guess I like being taken care of too. I'm actually like this now. While I'm here, without trying, I'm just like this," Kim explained with a shrug.

The redhead was not ashamed of how she was, like a hyper child sometimes or a lazy puppy other times. Her mistress liked her that way and she liked being that way. Besides, Shego made her even more energetic than she typically was and made her focus that energy differently than she usually would. It was comfortable to be how she was and to be taken care of while taking care of Shego in return.

"So, what did you buy? What did Shego buy? Was it something for me?" the olive-eyed girl asked anxiously while looking at Isabel's bags.

"Well, I bought some art supplies for my baby boys. Shego bought some things that I'm sure she doesn't want me to disclose," the graying female replied.

"Then it's something for me!" Kim cheered and grinned.

Isabel could not help laughing just a little bit; the petite scientist was certainly an adorable little creature and she just could not help thinking that several times every time that she saw the redhead. She doubted that anyone would truly know how much she appreciated Kim for being able to bring her daughter so much joy. Despite everything that she and Shego had been through in their lives, all she really desired was for her daughter to be happy and Kim made that happen. She pretty much loved Kim as much as she loved her own daughter because of that.

Shego entered the living room, which ended the conversation between her pet and her mother. She was frowning, which was because she disliked leaving her mischievous elf with her mother. She could imagine them sharing all sorts of tales about her or exchanging information on her. It was far from a pleasing thought.

"Staying for dinner?" Shego asked her mother curtly as if she would prefer that the older woman just leave.

"If I'm welcomed," Isabel replied and her daughter snorted.

"She wants pasta," Kim chimed in.

"Nice try," Shego said, causing her pet to pout. And then, Kim got an impish idea.

"Did you know she's mine," Kim informed Isabel while pointing her thumb at her mistress. Shego wasted no time slapping her monster with a throw pillow. The scientist fell over in an overdramatic fashion, which amused Isabel, even though she did not show it.

"Do you want to starve tonight?" the apartment owner demanded to know, speaking to her irksome pet.

"Mine, mine, mine, mine, mine," the redhead chanted, earning another hit with a downed cushion. It took all of Isabel's self-control to not laugh at the scene, but she did smile.

-----------------------

Next time: Isabel has dinner with the pair and then has a brief conversation with Miss Crocket, a stupid conversation in her opinion.


	21. Gag Twenty One: Mother knows best

I don't own these characters and I don't own this premise.

Gag Twenty One: Mother knows best

_My mother is here and once again getting along with Princess. It's so damn annoying; I can't stand that freaking woman. And this irksome kid doesn't help, going around telling my mother that I'm hers, as if that makes any sense. She's just looking to start trouble and I know it's going to work. I just hope she doesn't tell my mother about … what she did to me. I don't know how my mother would react to such news, but I know that her reaction would get on my damn nerves._

Isabel was having dinner with her daughter and Kim. Because of all of the huffing that her daughter had done with Kim about dinner, Isabel could not help being amused by the fact that they were having pasta for dinner, some very cheesy lasagna. The slender adventurer seemed very happy with that, smiling all the way through the meal. Shego seemed satisfied; Isabel guessed that it was because Kim was so pleased and she was right. As long as Kim was happy, Shego was the same, which was one of the main reasons that Isabel loved the little redhead.

"So, what's this about you being hers?" Isabel asked her daughter since Kim had been going on earlier that Shego was hers and not the other way around. She was curious as to how such a thing had been decided.

"Don't mind her. She's using screwy logic," Shego replied while twirling her fork in her hand in a circular motion to emphasize her words. Her pet was such a bothersome little imp, starting trouble every chance that she got, especially when Isabel was around.

"She's mine because she's my mistress," Kim stated. It was loopy logic, she had to admit, but it worked out. Her master was her master and hers alone.

"All right, all right, but all that means is that you belong to her," Isabel reasoned, only looking to get Kim started because she thought that the redhead was utterly adorable, especially when she was getting on Shego's nerves. Of course, she also liked bothering her daughter every now and then.

"No, no, no. She's mine. This works out. She belongs to me because she's my mistress and no one else's," the youngest female argued.

The redhead truly believed that now she and Shego belonged to each other since the green-skinned officer would now pay her complete and total attention, just like she did her master. They were sort of chained together by an invisible bond in her opinion; she just did not fully explain it because she was not sure if Shego wanted her mother to know that they were in an exclusive relationship now. Yes, she was still a pet and Shego was still her master, but there would be no more distracting partners coming through. Shego was all hers.

"Well, I suppose that much is true," Isabel concurred with Kim's logic.

"Don't encourage her," Shego ordered her mother. All she needed was someone getting Kim hyped and the petite hero would be running around the apartment for the rest of the week going on about how Shego was hers. Her mother did not have to live with that while she did and she was not looking to have to deal with that.

"What? You are solely her mistress, unless you have other pets around here you haven't told us about," the middle-aged female commented with a small smile on her face to further annoy her daughter.

"Oh, haha," the green-skinned female said dryly. She was now kicking her mother out once dinner was over. She did not have to put up with such crap.

"Honestly, I don't know how you keep one darling pet. I'm shocked she hasn't run away yet. You're always so crabby," Isabel remarked.

"It must be inherited," Shego shot back.

"From your father."

Okay, Shego was definitely throwing her mother out right after the meal. It was one thing to encourage her little monster, but it was unacceptable to one-up her in an argument by bringing up her father. Nope, Isabel had to go and that was a certainty.

----------------------

Isabel was far from surprised that she had all but been flung out of the door by her daughter once dinner was done. Kim had looked a bit saddened to see her go while her daughter was neutral. She did get a hug from Kim as a farewell, but nothing from Shego; all of that was expected, which was why she had already arranged for a cab to be downstairs, waiting for her. She turned to leave the building complex and ran right into Miss Crocket; she could already see why her beloved child hated the woman.

"Is there something you want?" Isabel inquired since the landlady was blocking her path. In her mind, she thought about how lucky the Texan was that she was more patient than her child was because if she was as easily irked as Shego, she would have already thrown the blue-eyed woman from her path.

"Do you really know what your daughter is like? She is practically a harlot," Miss Crocket declared.

"You might want to explain that one," Isabel stated. No matter how bad her daughter was, even back when Shego was rather horrible, Isabel was not interested in hearing total negativity about her daughter. There had better be reasons following why Shego was something or another or she would not bother to listen. In fact, if someone did not have evidence to back up their charge, she typically got angry with them and she was not pleasant at all when angry.

"That girl that lives with her, she keeps her in a collar and drags her around on a leash," Miss Crocket commented.

Her words were actually complete and total hearsay since, first of all, she had never seen Shego pull Kim around on a leash. She had seen Kim in the collar, but she had no proof that Shego made the redhead wear it. She had not seen any evidence that Kim and Shego were more than roommates.

"Still?" Isabel asked. She had thought that the leash thing was only temporary, a joke at best to just play with the nature of their relationship. She thought that her child was playing too much if she was still pulling Kim around on a leash and she would definitely talk to her daughter about that if the statement was true.

"Still? Then you know about them?" the Texan inquired in a bit of an astonished tone. She would have thought that if a mother knew that her daughter was doing such sick, twisted things then she would try to stop her daughter. It would seem that she had been wrong.

"Yes. Kim is Shego's pet," Isabel stated plainly as if such a thing was normal.

The middle-aged martial artist just felt that what two consenting adults did in their own home was their own business, especially if they were not hurting anyone. Shego had not forced Kim to be her pet and she was not forcing the younger woman to stay with her. Kim was there because she wanted to be, so to Isabel, there was nothing wrong with what they were doing. They were just getting along the best way that they could and that was no one else's business.

"Disgusting," Miss Crocket declared. "I knew they were perverts."

"Calm down. First of all, it is a rather innocent relationship. Kim wears the collar and leash because she wants to do so and there's nothing going on between them and even if there were, it's none of your damn business. You're acting like a bitch over something this stupid? What the hell are you, ten?" Isabel inquired in an annoyed tone. Stupid people got on her nerves, especially stupid people that could not mind their own business. It was really no mystery where Shego got her attitude from.

"Excuse me?" Miss Crocket gasped. She was stunned by the language the middle-aged woman used, not to mention her stance on the issue.

"Why are you wasting your time on this bullshit? She owns the apartment and the only way to get her out would be to set the whole building on fire. She and Kim aren't bothering anyone, hell, Kim especially. Go invent a new cookie or something and shut the hell up. They're not doing shit to you," Isabel replied.

"Listen here—" the blue-eyed woman tried to speak, but she was cut off.

"No, I'm done listening because you're not saying anything worth listening to. Stop bothering my daughter and her pet. They're not bothering you. What the hell?" the martial artist commented.

"They're perverts," Miss Crocket argued for lack of a better thing. She was just too shocked to think of anything better to come at the mother with. Besides, they were perverts and that was the issue. They were sick perverts as far as she was concerned.

"How the fuck are they perverts? They're not even having sex. Are you really this fucking stupid?" Isabel asked seriously. Who were these people that always thought that they had the right to tell people how to live their lives in their own homes? Such a thing always amazed the middle-aged martial artist.

The Texan looked deeply offended by the words, especially the question on her intelligence. "How do you know what they're doing?" she inquired.

"Because she's my daughter. I know her. How the hell do you know what they're doing? Do you have the apartment wired or something?" the emerald-eyed woman countered. She could not believe that she was sticking around to have such a moronic discussion, but she had to defend her daughter and her little pet.

"Of course I don't," the landlady answered.

"Then you just hear rumors and other stupid bullshit like that. Look, I'm not even having this conversation anymore. You don't know shit about those girls and you've got stupid ass ideas from hearsay," Isabel stated and then she pushed by Miss Crocket because she was no longer looking to have such a pointless argument. She had better things to waste time on; she hated to know that her phone was ringing all of the time because some stupid bitch had poked her nose in her daughter's business and had come to some wrong conclusions. To make matters worse, the woman had just irked her. Oh, she was pissed now.

--------------------

Shego was glad to be rid of her mother. The older woman seemed more annoying lately and she knew that it was because she had Kim in her life. It irked her that her mother thought that her girl was so adorable and outwardly showed that she thought the redhead was cute. There was just the way her mother interacted with Kim and encouraged her to be even more of a monster somehow that rubbed the green-skinned woman the wrong way. Obviously, Shego was just an easily annoyed person.

"Is your mom coming back soon?" Kim asked; she was lounging on the sofa, resting on her back. She was hoping that her master was going to join her and she could get her head caressed.

"Hopefully not," Shego answered as she walked through the living room and did not bother looking at her needy pet.

"Why not?" the redhead whined as if that would bring Shego's mother back anytime soon. She liked Isabel and liked talking with the older martial artist. Actually, much of the time, she was in awe to be in the same room as such a famous fighting woman. Yes, she could be star-stuck.

"Because she pisses me off," the pale woman replied.

"But, I like her."

"Well, your opinion doesn't matter," Shego pointed out, which Kim knew was lie. Her mistress was just looking to be mean at the moment because she was so annoyed.

The slender hero huffed and she puffed out her cheeks to show that she disliked that response. "Why not?" she inquired.

"Quit whining. It's getting on my nerves," the moss-hued woman stated, which was true.

The younger female sighed; her owner was upset yet again. She supposed that she had two ways that she could go about changing her master's mood. She could always go with her usual approach, the pet approach. The pet approach would be to request that Shego shampoo her head or force her mistress to caress her scalp. Those would be beneficial for both of them since they both liked both things and found them to be very relaxing.

But, there was now a new tactic that she would like to try. It would be nice to try a new, more adult approach to the matter. She smiled to herself; she was going to go with that approach. It might prove more fun than a shampooing.

Kim hopped up off of the sofa and trotted after her vexed mistress. She got to Shego before she entered the bedroom. She embraced the raven-haired woman from behind and rested her head against Shego's shoulder, which was close to bare since she was wearing a tank-top. She rubbed her cheek into the pale skin. She placed a long, lingering, and wet kiss onto the shoulder blade. She then lapped at the place that she kissed as she pulled away.

"What are you doing?" Shego asked as if she did not know.

"Can I see what you bought?" Kim inquired while her index finger began circling her master's bellybutton.

"Tomorrow," the emerald-eyed female answered.

"Now. Please," the redhead requested while planting small kisses on the shoulder.

"No."

"Why not?" the scientist whispered, still teasing Shego's flesh with kisses, licks, and touching around her navel.

"Because you've had enough surprises for one night."

"Are you sure?" Kim asked; she wanted one more surprise at least.

"Yes."

The younger woman sighed, but wondered if she could get more with her new tactic. She lightly ran her teeth over her master's shoulder. Shego shuddered, but made sure not to make a sound; the kid certainly knew how to make herself wanted, the pale female thought. Kim noticed the movement as she was just being egged on by it. She continued on kissing and lightly biting at the shoulder. Her hands continued to play with Shego's bellybutton.

"Still not going to let me see?" Kim asked. She had half wanted to see what Shego had brought her, but mostly now desired to go to bed.

"You're a bad girl. Bad Princess," Shego stated.

"You're really not going to let me see, are you?" Kim asked in disbelief.

"Nope."

"Damn you, Shego," the energetic hero pretended to huff.

"Oh, that's it," the pale woman declared and she turned around.

Shego grabbed her mischievous pet and slung her over her shoulder with ease, like a useless sack. Kim yelped in surprise; she really had not seen the move coming. The older female dragged her pet into the bedroom and flopped the petite redhead down on the bed. Kim yelped again and she knew what was going to come before it even happened; Shego began tickling her. Kim broke down into a fit of giggles; her mistress knew every spot on her that was just extra-sensitive.

"Mercy!" the savior-of-the-world begged. Before meeting Shego, she had never known that she was so ticklish, but now she realized that it was a physical weakness, especially when it came to her sides. She could hardly do anything when being tickled; she could not even mount a proper escape.

"Not for someone so naughty," the raven-haired officer stated.

"Please! Please!" the redhead shouted while trying to crawl away. She was not getting very far.

"No."

"Damn you, Shego!" Kim complained, tears forming in her eyes because she was laughing so hard. Well, at least she had changed her master's mood; she just was hoping for something fun and not torment.

--------(New day)

Kim was sleeping on the sofa. She had just come in from a rough mission; she was so out that she did not hear the door open. Shego was glad that she had not been charged and attacked at the door. She went to the living room since she was almost certain that her pet was sleeping; Kim was almost always home before she came in, even if she had a mission or two that day. She caressed the dozing girl's red mane.

"You still didn't show me what you brought," Kim said in a whisper, showing that she was awake, though barely.

"When you're up you can see," Shego replied.

"I am up," the scholar argued.

"Pumpkin, your eyes aren't even opening," the older woman pointed out.

"I'm still up," Kim mumbled. It was true that her eyes were not open and, as soon as there was a moment of silence between them, she was unconscious again.

Shego laughed a bit; it was amusing that her pet was out so soon, even though she swore that she was awake. She usually guessed that when her girl was as wiped out as she was that she had a mission that day. It amazed her that Kim could run all over the world for the day and still beat her home. She was not sure how the slim scientist did such a thing, but she just chalked it up to the fact that Kim could do anything.

The pale woman went to get comfortable in the apartment. She took her shower and got into her house clothes. She then parked herself on the couch, putting Kim's head in her lap of course. The redhead seemed to know where she was, even though she was still sleeping. She turned and pressed her face into her owner's abdomen, snuggling into the green-skinned officer's flat stomach. Shego did not mind and they stayed like that until Kim really woke up.

"Rough day?" Shego asked her pet as the petite hero rolled over to be able to look at the pale woman.

"Average," Kim answered. "You?"

"The same."

Average to both of them was still crazy to most people. Kim had come in from retrieving some stolen museum goods while Shego had tangled with a large mutated pack of dogs. They had both had to put up with dangerous situations through out the day, but it was still average for them. It was nothing new for them, which was why they did not even to talk about it.

"Do I get to see now?" the younger female asked.

"Maybe," Shego replied in a wishy-washy tone.

"You're going to make me do tricks, aren't you?' Kim realized.

"That sounds like a very good idea," the super-powered female answered as if she had not planned on that all along.

The redheaded scholar yawned and rolled off of the sofa. She yawned again as she climbed to her feet. She stretched as if she was really about to do something, even though she knew that Shego enjoyed seeing her do simple, pretty much mindless things. She thought that doing tricks were funny, so she did not mind doing them, even if they were mindless. She then awaited her orders.

"Hmm…roll over," Shego said; it was one of her all-time favorites.

Kim complied and rolled over; if she had a tail, it would have more than likely wagged as she did that act. She then sat up and waited for the next trick. The older woman thought on what she wanted her brat to do next.

"I know," Shego said and then she went to the kitchen.

Kim was confused; what did the kitchen have to do with her doing tricks? Oh, she commanded her mind to not go down that road, even though it really wanted to go there. Shego came back with marshmallows; Kim was very perplexed now and trying her best mentally to not go down that road. The emerald-eyed woman took out one of the snow-colored sweets and placed it on Kim's nose, giving the hyperactive hero a good idea that she was expected to balance the sugar-filled cloud on her nose.

"Hold it," Shego ordered.

The scholar tried her best to balance the marshmallow on her nose. At least it was not an egg, she told herself. She held it for a few seconds before she started to lose it; it was not as easy as dogs made balancing biscuits look. She tried to keep it on her nose, but it was no use. Before the treat could hit the floor, Kim ate the marshmallow.

"Did I say you could eat it?" the super-powered officer inquired.

"Nope, but you didn't say I couldn't eat it either," Kim replied with a smirk.

"You're just bad. All right, last one. Eskimo kiss."

The redhead almost laughed; it was funny to hear her bad-ass mistress say such words with a straight face. She had no problem with obeying the command, though. She crawled over to her master and rubbed noses with Shego. The green-skinned woman could not help smiling; she thoroughly enjoyed being able to do silly things with Kim that she never would think to do with anyone else.

"Do I get to see now?" Kim asked with an eager grin.

Shego smiled again and went to get the bag that she had brought in yesterday; it was still in the bedroom. She came back out into the living room and Kim parked herself next to her pale master to see what was in the bag. Shego handed the whole thing over to her little monster, who made a curious noise.

"Everything in there is yours, so you open it," the emerald-eyed woman explained.

Kim grinned again; her mistress was so nice! She opened the bag and the first thing that she noticed was a black collar. It looked just like the one that she had thrown away. It even had the little oval tag on it that proclaimed her "Pumpkin."

"Thanks. I was just thinking about how I missed my black one," the slender scientist said.

Shego shrugged, not bothering to explain that the collar was purchased so that she had one that matched her clothing. She noticed that Kim went out in the green collar despite the fact that it often clashed with whatever she had on. If her pet was going to continue to wear the collar, she at least wanted the girl to match, which explained the next item in the bag; a dark pink collar with a sun-shaped tag that read "Kimmie."

"Now, I can coordinate outfits," Kim stated while looking at her two new collars. She actually liked the collars because she enjoyed being different now. Monique was looking to steal the style when she started her own fashion line; she thought that it was a cute notion.

"You're such a weird kid," Shego commented because she was aware that her munchkin really did enjoy the collars.

"Yup," the scientist concurred.

"Keep going. There's something else in there," the pale woman stated.

The redhead reached into the bag and found a smaller bag. She freed it from the plastic bowels and then opened it to find a small velvet box. She opened that and found a thin sliver bracelet with a single emerald in it. She was speechless.

"Do you like it?" Shego asked curiously because the girl had not said anything.

"I love it. But, why?" Kim inquired because she was confused. She was so used to getting pet things, or somewhat childish treats, or necessities. She never expected to get jewelry from her master.

"Because," Shego answered and shrugged.

The green-skinned woman actually bought the bracelet to prove to herself that she could. She wanted to prove to herself that she could buy something nice for Kim that was not fit for some mutt. She could see Kim as a human being and, eventually, she could physically return all of the love that Kim showed her, or so was the hope that she refused to voice.

Yes, she was still nervous about the idea of trying to make love to Kim. She really did not know what to do, despite taking mental notes on what Kim did every time the redhead went to work. She just kept thinking that she would do something wrong or that she would not be good enough. Little by little, she did things, but she had not done anything worth noting in her opinion. She had not done anything close to what Kim had done to her.

"Thank you!" Kim shouted and she leaped on her mistress. She planted a long and very wet kiss on Shego's mouth. The pale woman accepted the kiss as thanks and returned it with just as much enthusiasm. She was certain that if she was given enough time, she would be able to touch her girl and make the little redhead melt without having to worry about the fact that she had never made love to a woman before.

-------------------

Next time: Panic strikes Junior and Miss Crocket apologizes…but, does Shego give a crap?


	22. Gag Twenty Two: Hell hath no fury

I don't own these characters and I don't own this premise.

Gag Twenty-two: Hell hath no fury

_Life is good now. Everything seems to be in order. I have my master all to myself, I've got a decent, enjoyable career, my school work is going fine, and I'm still able to do the save-the-world thing. Yeah, everything is in order and life is good. I can rest easy now._

Shego yawned as she walked to the front door to probably kill whoever it was that was ringing her bell. When the noise had first pulled her from her sleep, her first thought had been that her pet was doing something irksome; that was always her first assumption when something got on her nerves and she did not know what it was. But, that was not the case since Kim was knocked out right next to her. She went to the door and opened it to see that it was her landlady that was being so inconsiderate and bothering her at some ungodly hour on a day that she did not have work. Damn, the pale female really just hated that woman now.

"What?" Shego demanded to know in an extremely harsh tone while leaning in the doorway. She was very tempted to just deck the irksome woman and be rid of her, but she would wait to see what Miss Crocket wanted. There was the slim chance that she might actually care what the brown-haired woman had to say; a very, very almost unfathomably tiny chance.

"Look, I suppose that you and I didn't get off on the right foot," the Texan commented in a voice that made it seem like she was getting her teeth pulled. It was almost apparent that she did not wish to make such a statement.

"No shit," the pale woman concurred. She was still feeling that urge to just punch the older woman in the mouth if she had taken her from a good sleep to state the obvious. She was going to give the landlord a couple of more sentences before seeing if she should control herself or if she should just clock Miss Crocket and go back to bed.

"You make it very hard to be polite, darling," the blue-eyed woman remarked. Once again, she was stating the obvious.

"Yeah, I do try. Don't call me 'darling' like we're friends or something, either. Now, what the hell do you want? It's like seven in the fucking morning," Shego pointed out and it really was.

"I'm trying to make a truce," the landlady stated.

The moss-hued woman rolled her eyes to show her disbelief and the fact that she did not care. "Whatever," she grumbled and she was about to shut the door in the woman's face, but then something occurred to her. "You pissed her off, didn't you?" she asked the building owner.

"What? Who?" Miss Crocket pretended to not know what Shego was going on about.

"You pissed off my mother, didn't you?" the green-skinned woman inquired in an almost amused tone.

If it was later in the day, the emerald-eyed officer would have found the situation thoroughly entertaining. She might have even laughed if it was later in the day. She understood that there had to be a reason why the brunette woman was trying to call a truce with her and the first thing that came to mind was that Miss Crocket had done something to feel her mother's monster bite.

Shego knew all too well how frightening it was to truly anger her mother. She had only incurred her mother's full wrath once, but that was enough. She had totally overstepped her bounds, which was odd considering how tolerant Isabel tended to be with her precious daughter. She just recalled saying something that was later decided to be "out of her face" and then she woke up in her bed two days later. Her mother had actually knocked her unconscious for two whole days and she had been fifteen. She never admitted it, but after that, she tried her best to never truly vex her mother. She took that lesson to heart.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Miss Crocket insisted, as if her sudden change was of her own accord.

"No, no, no. You pissed her off. That's the only reason you'd be here trying to call a truce, hoping that I can call her dogs off. They're her dogs, not mine. She's making your life hell, isn't she?" Shego asked with a taunting smirk on her face. Such news made getting up so early just a little worth it, but she would still rather be sleeping.

The raven-haired woman could not help wondering what circle of Hell her mother was putting Miss Crocket through. Her mother had a lot of pull in many areas, being versatile when it came to living. Her mother also had a mean-streak in her and powers to abuse when she was upset; she was a dangerous woman in many ways. It could not be fun to be on her bad side; the officer knew that from first hand experience, of course. She would not be surprised if Miss Crocket woke up one day with a horse head in her bed. As far as she was concerned, her mother could be the fucking devil if pushed enough; although she doubted that the little Texan pushed Isabel that far.

"Look, I'm just trying to apologize and call a truce," the brunette female persisted.

"Because you want whatever my mother is doing to you to stop. I can't help you in that area. You might want to call a truce with her," Shego suggested.

The pale female was actually lying. She could always call her mother and say that everything was all right now between her and Miss Crocket and Isabel would go about her business. But, Shego did not feel like disclosing that bit of information and felt that since her mother had taken on the task of torturing Miss Crocket, then who was she to stand in the way? It was her mother's business now.

"You're an impossible person, do you know that? Here I am attempting to make an effort—" Miss Crocket was about to argue, but she was cut off.

"I'd appreciate it more if you made an effort to leave me the hell alone," the green-skinned woman commented.

"Shego—"

"Goodbye," Shego said and she slammed the door in her landlady's face. She would leave Miss Crocket to whatever fate that her mother had concocted for the older woman.

The officer returned to her bed, wanting nothing more than to go back to sleep. She eased down to the mattress, gathered her still knocked-out munchkin in her arms, and went back to sleep. She considered that maybe one day she would give her mother a call and tell her to stop wasting her time bothering that annoying, noisy female. Maybe.

-------------------

Shego glanced at the phone as it rang. Kim shot up because of the loud, bloodcurdling noise; she had, of course, been sleeping. They were on the sofa, just relaxing on their day off; Kim was glad that the day had finally come because she needed an excuse to not take Wade's calls because he had put her to work that week. With the way the week had gone, the redhead would not have been surprised if someone tried to strap a plow to her and just put her to work in a field, so she needed a little rest. Kim had fallen asleep because her master had been caressing her scalp while reading a book. All of that was brought to an end by the phone ringing. Shego answered it against her better judgment; nothing good ever happened when she answered the house phone.

"Yo," the pale woman greeted her caller.

"Shego, please, I'm begging you to stop! I'm sorry!" Junior practically wept into the phone as if she was holding his favorite toy hostage.

"Junior?" Shego asked in a confused tone, which got her pet's attention.

Kim looked at her mistress for an explanation, which Shego did not have at the moment and really did not want; she only desired to get off of the phone with the big crybaby. The emerald-eyed woman reached over and rubbed her monster's head to assure her that the call was nothing. As far as the older female was concerned, it was nothing because she had no idea what Junior was ranting about. She had not even thought about him since she last saw him and had literally thrown him out of her life.

"Please!" Junior wailed into the phone, only perplexing her more so than before.

"Junior, what the hell are you going on about? I'm not doing anything to you," the green-skinned female pointed out. It seemed that her mother was just going above and beyond if Junior was now having problems that he thought were her fault; Isabel must be bored, she thought. She assumed that her mother was doing things because of how distressed he sounded; only her mother could make someone feel such immediate agony.

"I can't buy anything anymore! All of my credit cards don't work! I'm sorry, now fix it!" he begged.

Shego craned an onyx eyebrow; her mother was really busy if she was getting credit cards shut down. She wondered why the middle-aged woman was attacking Junior so harshly, though; she guessed it was her mother because no one else would make a person's life worse than Hell on Earth for her. But, Junior was helpless and clueless; he was not even a challenge. Doing something to him was like kicking a puppy. She did not see why her mother was even wasting the time and effort to hurt him, but then again, she did not see why her mother did a lot of things.

She also did not see why Junior knew to call her because of the trouble that he was going through. She supposed that her mother left him some kind of clue to let him know that a Gooding female was harassing him, but he assumed that it was the wrong Gooding woman. She then wondered what kind of obvious clue her mother could have left for a simpleton like Junior. She really did not care to find out; she just wanted him to leave her alone.

"Junior, calm down and stop crying. Geez, you're a grown ass man. Now, I'll fix it," she informed him. She would fix the mess if only to get him out of her hair. She also made a mental note to change her phone number soon, so that he no longer had it; she did not know how he got it in the first place.

"Please!" he implored her; he was actually weeping into the phone.

"All right. I'll call you back in a little while," Shego said and she disconnected the call. She was so disgusted by his behavior. An evil little voice in the back of her mind was mocking her by asking wasn't she happy that she never slept with him? She ignored the irksome voice.

"What happened?" Kim asked curiously. She did not like that Junior had the nerve to call the house. Shego was hers now and he had better back off. She would fight for her mistress now because Shego had all but admitted in words that she only wanted Kim.

"My mother's rattling Junior's cage," the elder female replied with a tired sigh.

"Why?" the redhead inquired.

"Because she obviously needs a fucking job," Shego remarked.

"Huh?" the younger female asked in a confused tone.

"She apparently doesn't have anything better to do with her time if she's tormenting Junior," the officer replied as she dialed up her mother.

"I still don't get it," Kim admitted.

"You don't have to. Just go back to sleep," the emerald-eyed woman suggested.

The slim hero did not comply; she was very curious about what was going on and she wanted to get some information on what was happening. She mostly wanted to make sure that Junior was not trying to make a reentry into her master's life. She was not about to allow him to do that.

Shego waited for her mother to answer her phone. It seemed that her mother was having too much fun to even answer her cell because it just continued to ring. The odd thing was that her voicemail did not pick up.

"Hello," Isabel practically chirped by the time she answered.

"It's about time," Shego huffed while wondering if her mother killed someone from the mood that she was in. She probably devoured someone's soul, the pale female thought to amuse herself.

"Sweetie, you sound upset," Isabel commented.

"What the hell are you doing to have your phone ringing for that long?" Shego practically demanded to know; it was evident that she was forgetting whom it was that she was speaking with.

"Getting a bit personal, firefly," the mother replied in a light tone. It seemed that her child's attitude would not bring her down. She silently admitted that she disliked it when her daughter tried to make inquires on her behavior as if she was not the elder of the two of them, as if she was not the mother.

Shego frowned; it was an automatic reaction to when her mother used that irritating nickname. "Don't call me that," she growled.

"Fine. What can I do for you?"

"Stop harassing Senor Senior Junior," Shego stated.

"What? Why should I?" Isabel inquired as if she did not comprehend the request and really she did not. It did not make any sense to her for her daughter to ask such a thing of her.

"Because I don't want him calling me and crying into my phone while I'm trying to relax. I get one stinking day off and I'd like to enjoy it," the daughter replied in a plain tone.

Isabel was quiet for a moment, much longer than her daughter liked; it was as if she was considering the reason that had been given. Isabel was thinking about all of the information that she had gained when she decided to start in on Junior. She then decided that she had to ask.

"Were you in a relationship with that boy?" the middle-aged martial artist asked her hotheaded daughter.

"What? No! We were just hanging out," Shego answered in earnest while being thankful that they were talking over the phone, lest her mother bear witness her look of sheer horror.

"How deeply?" Isabel inquired.

Oh, the tales that the older woman had heard about her daughter and that rich, spoiled brat. Most of which she dismissed as rumors and such, but they all did have a central theme to them involving her daughter being more than friends with Junior. It disturbed her slightly to think that her beloved child might be involved with that empty-headed oaf. Her daughter had atrocious, just all around ghastly taste in men, but she thankfully had excellent taste in women.

"Mommy!" Shego huffed.

"Why are you getting so defensive? Do you have any idea what that boy's father was planning to do to you? I merely struck his boy before he could strike my little firefly," Isabel defended her actions.

Her connections had let her in on what Senor Senior Senior had planned for her daughter and the notion that he thought that he could touch her daughter enraged her. He had been looking to get her child fired and he was planning to help get her thrown out of her condo. He thought that he would be able to have her daughter on the street and penniless, but he had no idea how quickly she could snap when her children were targets. So, he had gone to bite her daughter, but she bit his son first. If he did not take the hint, she would also bite him. No one was allowed to touch her children without her permission, her daughter especially.

"Damn it, Mommy, and you seriously wonder why I don't talk to you. Stop calling me that. Now, I was prepared for them to strike. I mean, I did throw the kid into a freaking wall. I was ready for them," Shego argued.

The moss-hued woman knew that it would have been stupid to assume that she could just get away with throwing a spoiled, billionaire brat into a wall. She knew that he or his father would attempt to get her back and she had been waiting for them. She had the situation well in hand as far as she was concerned.

"Well, then, we have a backup plan since you obviously have ideas," her mother commented.

"Mommy, I really don't want Junior calling me and whining into the phone that he can't buy shit anymore. I don't really give two damns about him and I just want to forget that he exists," the younger woman explained.

Isabel was quiet again. She had little interest in backing down now that she had something going to get back at Junior. She did not like Junior first of all because she had been told that it appeared that he was in a relationship with her daughter. Isabel did not like the idea of anyone possibly disrupting her child's relationship with Kim, even if they just claimed that it was a pet/master relationship. She could see what they were, undoubtedly better than her own daughter could see, so she really did not want anyone near Shego that might ruin what the green-skinned female had with her little monster.

"I don't like that boy," Isabel bluntly stated as her reason for why she was working on the muscular young man.

"That makes three of us," Shego commented while glancing down at her pet, who was listening to at least one side of the conversation.

"I don't like what his father had planned," the mother added matter-of-factly.

"Then get back at his father. Just save me the damn headache. You have no idea how annoying he is," the super-powered female stated.

The middle-aged woman sighed. "Fine, I guess he's suffered enough for one week. Are you sure he doesn't mean something to you?" she inquired just to be sure.

"He doesn't," Shego soundly insisted. "Why the hell would you say something so stupid?"

"I'm only asking. You don't usually stand up for people, especially people that seem to have it out for you."

"I just don't want him calling me, whining because you're making his life the equivalent to the ninth circle of Hell. If you want to keep it up, I'll be glad to give him your number for him to cry his worthless apologies to you," Shego declared.

"I'm starting to see your point. Fine, I'll leave him alone and make sure that his father doesn't do anything moronic. Has your landlady apologized yet?" Isabel asked curiously. She was enjoying tearing into that bothersome bitch and she doubted that she would stop anytime soon, even if the woman had apologized.

"Yeah, but I don't care," Shego informed her mother.

"Good to know. Tell Princess I say hello."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah."

The mother and daughter hung up on each other without a farewell even considered. Kim was about to start asking questions again, but Shego started dialing another number. The redhead pouted; she wanted some attention now.

"Yeah, Junior. Stop crying, damn it. You should be fine by tomorrow," the raven-haired female reported.

"Thank—" Junior was cut off before could get the rest of his phrase out because the pale woman hung up the phone. She did not need his gratitude.

"Um…what just happened?" the slender adventurer asked curiously.

"Why are you so damn nosy?" Shego countered.

The redhead shrugged. "It's my science-y side," she guessed.

The emerald-eyed female smiled a bit; only her dear brat could make her smile for no good reason. She caressed Kim's scalp again and decided to explain everything that was going on. The petite hero smiled because she was being included; in the past, Shego would have just told her that it was none of her business and moved on.

"Your mother is funny," the slender scholar commented after hearing the whole story.

"Whatever. She's about as funny as the end of the world. She should know I can handle myself. She needs to mind her own damn business," the super-powered officer stated firmly.

"It's nice that she wants to help," Kim retorted. She thought that her mistress should be thankful for a mother that seemed to care about her so much, even though from some of the stories that she had heard, she could understand why her master was at odds with Isabel.

"No, it's not," the raven-haired woman replied and she thumped her pet in the nose for disagreeing with her.

"Ow!" Kim cried and she covered her nose. "Okay, it's not nice," she concurred.

"You'd better believe it."

The lounging redhead did not argue and slowly removed her hands from her face, hoping that she would not get hit again. Once she was certain that she was safe, she flopped back down into her mistress's lap. She curled up into Shego's abdomen and easily went back to sleep; she knew that she had best rest up while she could with the way she had been running around lately. Shego went back to her reading.

The pale woman wondered if Kim switched places with Junior and found herself being tortured in such a way, would she call Shego and whine about it like he did. Kim as a pet would more than likely bawl her eyes out, but if Kim was in Junior's place, she would not be a pet. She wondered if Kim would just counterattack in his place. She was willing to bet that her girl would fight back to the best of her ability and as she thought about that, she caressed the redhead's cheek.

"I just realized that's one of the things I like about you," Shego whispered.

-----------(New day)

Kim's Kimmunicator was going off. She wanted to answer it because it could have been an important call on several levels since the Kimmunicator was her private and "business" line. She just doubted that the thugs that she was battling with at the moment would stop for a moment to let her at least see who it was that was attempting to get into contact with her. It was worth a shot, though.

"Um, do you think you could just let me answer this?" Kim requested as she blocked four fists at once that were coming at her.

"Shut up!" one of the five large men ordered her.

The slender hero was currently on a pier; it was a dark and foggy night, like something out of an old detective movie. She was attempting to get back some stolen goods that the perpetrators did not seem to want to part with at the moment and, to top things off, she had come across a smuggling ring; it was a long day for her to say the least. She had been having a few long days and right now, she just wanted to answer the Kimmunicator and then after that, she just wanted to go home and sleep in Shego's lap for the rest of the night. She suspected that she would need to soak in a hot bath for a long time too because the thugs that she had faced seemed to be coming in unending waves, so she was undoubtedly going to be sore at the very least tomorrow.

Kim sprang into action and dropped the five men that she was handling at the moment. She was going to answer her communication device, but it ceased beeping and she did not have time to answer it anyway. As soon as she took out that one group, another charged in out of the shadows to attack her.

"You guys are like roaches," the redheaded hero commented as she dashed at the new group of assailants. "And I wish someone would turn the lights on to get you to go away," she added.

Kim was swamped with foes, but she managed to get through it all and the cops showed up to handle the rest of the work when she was done. She was left sweaty and rather exhausted from the huge battle. She decided to check her messages, considering her master might be concerned about her since she was so late. She saw that, yes, her mistress has called her, several times in fact, but the number that caught her eye was not home. Well, it was not her current home anyway; it was her childhood home. She was curious as to who called her, so she quickly called back as she was making her way back home.

"Hey, Kimmie," her mother answered the call.

"Hey, Mom. Was someone trying to call me earlier?" Kim inquired.

"I was," the neurosurgeon informed her daughter.

"Oh, okay. So, what's up?"

"Well, first off, are you all right?" her mother asked with the usual motherly concern.

"Yeah, totally fine. Sorry it took me so long to call you back. I was in the middle of a mission that just wouldn't end," Kim explained.

"It's quite all right. I thought calling at this hour, you'd be home already. I wanted to know if you're going to come home for the Fourth of July weekend," her mother stated her reason for calling.

"Right, I can totally do that. Um…what day is it now?" Kim asked curiously.

"Oh, Kimmie. Are you still serious?" her mother inquired with a bit of a sigh. She knew that her daughter was actually a bit "scatter-brained" when it came to normal things. Kim was good to go when it came to doing the extraordinary, but the ordinary still seemed to be a mystery to her.

Kim blushed a bit; she had never been good with days of the week since she was about ten years old. It was then that days began to run together or lose importance because she had other things to work on, like collecting tadpoles, dissecting frogs, and occasionally building mechanical devices. Time to her became boiled down to daytime and nighttime, even before she became a globetrotter.

"I'm sorry, Mom. Days still just run together with me," the younger redhead replied in a sheepish tone.

Part of the young hero could not help being embarrassed by her quarks, even though she took pride in them too. It was just that she knew her oddities made her parents worried about her. Sometimes, she even though that her strangeness made her parents disappointed in her.

"It's this weekend, Kimmie," Doctor Possible said.

"Okay, I'll be there," Kim confirmed, even though it was a surprise to her that the Fourth of July was so close. As far as she knew though, she did not have anything scheduled and she would try to keep things that way in order to make it to her parents' house.

"Are you going to bring someone?" her mother asked curiously.

"Hmmm…" Kim thought on that question. Would Shego go with her to her parents' house? Would her master agree to meeting her family, staying her family, and interacting with her family? She guessed that she would find out soon because she was going to ask Shego to join her.

--------------------

Next time: Kim tries to convince Shego to go with her to meet the Possibles. That should be fun.


	23. Gag Twenty Three: Give and take

I don't own these characters and I don't own this premise.

Gag Twenty-three: Give and take

_I am going to kill that fucking brat once she gets in_._ She is just fucking dead when she comes in. What the hell is wrong with her? When somebody calls you, you should call them back, especially when I call someone and especially when I call her. Just what the hell is wrong with her? She's driving me out of my fucking mind. Where the hell is she anyway? I am just going to crack her fucking skull when she gets in ... well, after I make sure she's all right. I mean, someone might have already gotten around to killing her and if that's the case, I'll fucking kill that person. Only I'm allowed to touch that brat._

Kim scratched the top of her head as she climbed the stairs in the condo complex. She was thinking about a good way to request that her mistress accompany her to her parents' house for the Fourth of July cookout that they were holding. It did not seem like such a big thing to her, but she bet that it would be a struggle with her owner. Everything with Shego had to be some nonsensical struggle to make them both miserable over a matter of little importance or at least a matter that should not involve so many problems. It was odd how her mistress worked because matters of very trivial importance tended to be given in easily or completely off limits, like drinking soda after nine. Her master was always into the two extremes.

"I'm home," Kim called as she entered the apartment; she had been out on a tiring, dangerous mission. She was actually late compared to when she usually came in; she tended to beat her mistress home. She hoped that she was not in any trouble for being so late.

"Damn it," Shego huffed as she marched out into the front of the apartment to meet her pet. She was frowning something fierce and she thumped her troublesome brat in the nose as soon as she was within arm's length.

"Ow!" the redhead whined as the blow landed and then the older woman suddenly embraced her.

"Why didn't you call me back?" the taller woman demanded to know in a low, worried tone.

She had called Kim so many times while the scholar was out to make sure her munchkin was all right. She had called so many times because the first time that she had gotten into contact with Kim, she heard gunshots in the background and then her pet hastily bid her farewell. She had been so concerned, not that she would admit to such a thing aloud, but the hug did give it away. She actually wished that she could just be angry with her scatter-brained pet enough to hit the loopy brat, but she was so relieved that her nutty monster was all right that she just wanted to hold the kid.

"Sorry. I just figured that I should get home as soon as I could after everything was done," the slender hero explained while returning the hug to assure her owner that she was completely fine. She liked the affection, but she hated to cause Shego such stress. After all, she was there to relieve stress, so not only was she not doing her job, but she was doing the reverse of her job when she caused her master distress.

The pale woman just held her pet close to her, even though she was going to reprimand the little imp for assuming something so mindless after gunshots could be heard while she was speaking with someone that cared about her. Shego wished that her rascal would know, like most normal people, to return a phone call if someone called her a dozen or so times, especially if the person heard gunshots in the first call. So, she just held her girl, cuddling her gently, like a plush toy.

Kim was starting to understand how very worried she had made her master. She thought that maybe it was just because she was so late home. She considered that the emerald-eyed woman might have thought that she was not going to come home because of that. She did not consider at all that it might be because there had been any kind of violent noise around her when Shego called; she had actually forgotten about that because it was so not the drama.

"Call me back the next time I call you," Shego commanded and then she thumped Kim in the nose again. Her pet was like a heart attack waiting to happen for her with the way that she did things.

"Ow!" the petite scholar whined again. "Why do you keep doing that?" she inquired in a tearful tone while covering her precious, tiny nose to protect it from her vicious mistress. She was trying to seem as pathetic as possible to get her owner to stop hitting her in the nose.

"Because I can and you're a bad girl," the pale woman declared.

"No, I'm not!" the redhead objected as if she was truly offended in being told that she was bad. Well, actually, she did not appreciate being told that she was a bad girl. What devoted, loyal, loving pet would appreciate being told such a thing?

"Yes, you are. Now, go take a shower while I heat your dinner back up," Shego commanded in a very firm tone. She was hoping to sate her desire to be angry with her girl by sounding so rigid.

"Yes, ma'am," the hero pouted.

The slim scientist trotted off to do as she was ordered while mumbling that she was not a bad girl. Shego shook her head; her elf was definitely a piece of work. She hated to even think about how she felt when Kim did not return any of her calls after hanging up on the elder woman earlier that night. She had never felt such fear and panic in all of her life and she had been through quite a life.

The way that girl could just turn on her emotions was almost unnerving, but Shego was used to it now. She did not like it, but she was used to it. The only difference between now and in the past was that she acknowledged that Kim could make her feel such a way. She guessed that it was because she loved the little brat, if only a little bit.

A voice in the back of her head jokingly commented that it was annoying to love that crazy kid. Now, it was irksome to love Kim because it took a lot of energy because of the emotions that went into loving the girl. But, Shego quietly conceded that she would rather love Kim no matter how tiresome it was than anything else that she could think of. It just felt good to love her, even though it was troublesome too. Anything that was worth anything had its good and bad points and having her pet around was no different. Having her pet around had many more good points than bad points anyway.

----------------------

"Shego," Kim said in a low voice.

They were both supposed to be sleeping. Shego was resting on her back as usual and her pet was pressed against her side, laying her head on Shego's shoulder rather than one of the three free pillows that were on the bed. It was how they usually slept.

"Why are you still up?" the raven-haired woman inquired in a slightly bothered tone, but also a curious tone. Was it that nothing ran out the kid's batteries? A day of being shot at and hounded by thugs should be enough to make her mini-monster sleep throughout the night, or so she thought anyway. Instead, the kid was still awake and actually attempting to start a conversation.

"Can I ask you something?" the younger female requested.

"Can't it wait till morning?" Shego countered.

"I guess," the redhead conceded.

"So, let's let it do that," the older woman stated.

The olive-eyed girl sighed; she thought that if she caught Shego at an off moment, she could get her master to agree to go with her to her parents' house or get herself yelled at. It all depended on what mood her owner was in. She would just wait until the morning now. She would not be able to catch the older woman off guard, but she did just want to get it out of the way and put the ball in Shego's court so to speak. So, she brought it up at breakfast the next morning.

"Shego, do you have plans for this weekend?" Kim asked. She was sitting at the table while her master was wandering around in the kitchen.

"Not to my knowledge. Why?" Shego countered in a suspicious tone. She usually worked weekends, like Kim did, so she did wonder why her pet would ask her such a question. She was in the kitchen because she was attempting to find something that she wanted to eat for breakfast. She was not sure what she wanted, but in a moment, she figured that she was going to just have one of those breakfast shakes because that would be all that she had time for. She did not particularly like them, but it worked as a breakfast on-the-go.

"Do you want to go to my parents' house for a barbeque?" the redhead inquired as if it was a normal thing to ask. Well, it was a normal thing to ask, which was probably why it was abnormal for her to ask.

"Your parents?" the pale female echoed as if she had never heard of such a thing.

The officer had no idea that her pet was in contact with her parents. She had actually assumed that there was bad blood between Kim and her parents because her parents had been pressuring her to do all sorts of things with her life that she did not wish to do a couple of years back. She had never seen her pet on the phone with her parents or anything like that. So, she really thought that the girl did not speak to them anymore. Shego guessed that she was wrong if her imp was planning to go to a cookout at their house.

"Yeah, my parents. Want to go?" Kim inquired one more time.

"Not really. I don't need to meet your folks," Shego replied sincerely. She did not see the point in meeting her pet's parents. Hell, she did not even want to meet up with her own parents, so she really did not see the point in meeting with someone else's, especially her pet's parents.

"I guess, but it's not really about meeting them. It's just about being together, but if you don't want to go, that's all right," the young woman yielded with little problem because she had expected that answer.

Shego nodded, thinking that the matter was closed. She was being honest; she did not want to meet Kim's parents, mostly because it seemed like it would be awkward. She did not see the need to meet with her pet's parents because who needed to meet her pet's parents? It seemed to her that meeting Kim's parents would imply that there was more to their relationship than master and pet, and even though there was much more to it than that, she still did not think that their relationship was deep enough to warrant her meeting some parents.

"I guess Ron can give me a ride," the redheaded scientist commented, breaking her mistress out of her thoughts.

"For what?" Shego inquired.

"Well, I don't have a car and he's more than likely going to go. I mean, it is free food and everything and he just bought a car. I figure he could take me with him," the scholar explained with a shrug.

The green-skinned female frowned; it seemed that her monster was planning to go whether she went with the kid or not. She did not like the idea of her pet being alone in a car with a boy, even if he was her best friend and even if they probably would not be alone since the boy did have a long term sweetheart. Shego disregarded the very relevant facts of the matter and just considered that her girl would be in the car with a boy for a trip that lasted for hours. She did not like that one bit.

"I could get you a plane ticket," Shego offered in a thoughtful tone as soon as the plan entered her mind. Her pet undoubtedly would prefer a quick flight over a long drive. Everyone would prefer that, right?

"To go to Middleton? Don't bother with it. I'd rather go with Ron anyway," Kim replied casually, causing her mistress' scowl to deepen. The scientist was obviously missing the whole point of the proposal.

"How long is this thing?" Shego inquired now that she remembered her pet was not a normal human being, so normal suggestions were powerless against her.

"Well, I want to go for the whole weekend. I haven't seen my family for a long time and Ron's got free time to spare since he graduated. He'll probably want to see his folks too. So, we might stay a few days if it's cool with him since he'll be the driver," the younger woman answered.

"This went from a weekend to a vague few days in four sentences," the super-powered officer pointed out. She hated to think how the time scale might jump if Kim was left alone to decide on it, especially away from home. It did not help matters that she knew her munchkin was not very good when it came to keeping track of time; her pet might accidentally be gone for a week or more and not even realize it.

Kim grinned like a cookie-stealing imp. "Well, I guess now I'm just getting ahead of myself, especially since I don't even have a ride yet. I guess I'll call Ron later and see how many days he has to spare," she mused aloud, unwittingly causing her mistress all sorts of pressure and stress, which was in turn making Shego reconsider her initial stance on the matter.

"Days?" Shego echoed.

The pale woman had several problems with Kim being gone for days with some boy, even if that boy was Ron. Her major concern was that Kim would be out with some boy and who knew what could happen between them. What if Ron tried to take advantage of Kim? Yes, she knew how ridiculous and highly unlikely it was, but she had to consider that it could possibly happen. There was also the chance that Ron and Kim could be friends with benefits and they only needed a moment or two alone for the benefits to start kicking in. Now, although Shego had made no physical commitment as far as bodily pleasure went, she did not want anybody touching her brat. She did not even want to chance someone else touching her monster.

And an even worse thought, what if Kim had a former flame in her hometown? What if Kim hooked up with that person because she would be there on her own? She might think that her owner would never find out; it was not like Shego knew anybody in Middleton who would be able to tell her if Kim did anything with anyone. It was a horrible thought, even worse than that blonde buffoon touching her pet. Shego almost cringed at the thought in fact.

Then there was also the problem that if Kim was gone for days, deep down Shego knew that she would be lonely. She would be all alone without her pet around. She would not come home to a hug or her monster lounging on the sofa and it would throw off her whole day. She would not be able to sleep properly without her scamp resting next to her, lying on her. She would not be able to relax properly because she would have no one to pet. She would not have a reason to prepare a hearty breakfast. She would not know what to do with herself if she did not have someone to take care of for an undetermined amount of days.

"This is just for the weekend, right?" the super-powered woman inquired to make sure before she said something that she might regret. She wanted to be certain about what was going on.

"Well, the cookout is on Saturday, I think anyway. But, I want to be there for a little while longer than that. I thought if you came, we could go for the weekend, but since you don't want to go, I guess I could stay longer. Maybe even if Ron doesn't want to stay, I could still stay longer. I could always buy a bus ticket," Kim mused aloud. She would never consider using a favor to go back home from something that was not a mission, and that was why taking a bus came to mind for her.

"You're not taking a bus," Shego objected. To hell with that! Her pet damn sure would not be on some smelly, stinky bus for who knew how long. There was just no way in hell that she would let her spoiled brat do such a thing.

"Well, I'd have to get back somehow," the redhead pointed out.

"I'll drive you," the older woman said as if that had been the plan from the beginning when it certainly had not.

"Okay, but that doesn't help me in getting back," Kim commented with a puzzled, arched eyebrow. She would still probably have to take the bus back home, unless she got called on a mission because then she could use a favor to get home.

"You goof, I'll go with you," Shego stated plainly. She would rather keep an eye on her little monster than anything else, if only to make sure that no one took advantage of petite lunatic.

"You will?" the scholar asked in disbelief. She would be even more surprised to know the reasoning behind why her mistress decided to join her, but the elder female was not looking to explain that.

"Yes," Shego sighed. She would go out of her mind if she did not go. Her mind would make up all sorts of things for her to fret about if she could not see exactly what her girl was doing, as she had a habit of doing when her elf was out of sight. Plus, she doubted that she would be able to get along well alone if her pet was gone for who knew how long.

The slender hero grinned; her master was certainly the best! She leaped up from her seat at the table; she had been eating her breakfast of plain oatmeal. Shego knew what was coming before what happened; her pet attacked her. Kim embraced the moss-hued female tightly, causing Shego to grunt because she failed to brace herself for the hit, even though she saw it coming. The older woman was about to bark at her energetic pet because of the force, but Kim silenced that with a kiss.

The emerald-eyed woman accepted the kiss, as she always did. She could see that her accompanying Kim was a bigger deal than she had thought, or so the feel of the kiss implied. It started out sweet, but quickly it became heated. The redhead kept thinking about how warm her master's mouth was. Her mouth was so delicious and Kim believed that if it was plausible, she would just explore the inside of the tasty cavern for the rest of her life.

Shego was of a similar mindset when it came to embracing her pet. She had never experienced kisses like she did with the petite scholar. There was something to the kisses; aside for the fact that they were hotter than any fire that she could produce. She could not identify what the something was, but she knew that it was the something that made Kim's kisses beyond incredible.

"So good," Kim whispered as the kiss broke. Her tongue darted out of her mouth and the tip brushed against the pale woman's lips. Her hands went to Shego's plushy backside and she was about to go in for another, deeper kiss. Hey, she had all day free and there was nothing more that she would rather do than to wear them both out.

"Princess, we don't have time for this," Shego pointed out. She actually wished that she did have the time for it. She enjoyed the attention and affection, having never been wanted in such a sweet and passionate way before.

"Do we ever have time? Come on," the trim hero pled with an adorable pout. It was actually an odd thing for her to beg for since she would not be the one being physically pleased. She just liked having her way with her mistress. It was fun in a way and it was entertaining in a weird way too; of course, it also satisfied her lustful side that required attention every now and then.

"No, I've got work and you better finish that food," the green-skinned woman ordered. She had to be the responsible one, so she had to be the one to make sure that they stayed on track, even if it meant that they would not be able to have a good time.

"I want to—" Kim started, but her master cut her off because she knew that something licentious was about to exit her pet's mouth.

"Ah, don't finish that thought," Shego commanded. "And get your hands off of my ass," she added.

The younger woman pouted even more so and pinched the cushiony flesh in her hands. Shego slapped at the hands and stepped away from her monster's prurient touch. Kim looked at her hands, as if wishing that they were full again. Shego thumped her in the nose to get her to stop thinking about what could have been.

"Pet abuse!" Kim cried, mostly because of the hit, but also because she was not being allowed to do what she wanted to do.

"Sit down and eat before I tickle you," Shego threatened her munchkin and that got the redhead to sit back down immediately. Shego liked that tickling was a valid threat and was taken more seriously than most other things. It was a good way to keep her pet in check.

----------(New day)

Kim was sleeping. It was a really good sleep where her head was slung to the side and her mouth was hung wide open for all sorts of bugs to fly in it if they wanted to. She was just totally and completely out for the day it seemed. She was in the car and Shego was so tempted to slam on the brakes to shake her pet awake, if only to mess with her little, knocked out monster. Hey, sometimes Shego was just evil for the sake of being evil.

The super-powered woman would have actually liked some company for the ride. Kim had had a busy day and a tough mission the night before, which was why she had fallen asleep the second that she got in the car. It was a good thing that the redhead did not have to pack anything or she would not have made it. Shego just hoped that her girl did not try to sleep through the whole five hours or she was going to hit the brakes and wake the petite, goofy kid up. There was just no way in hell that she was driving the whole time alone. It turned out that she did not have to do the ride alone after stopping short at a red light and Kim was gagged by her seatbelt. Shego could not help laughing.

"Yeah, that's funny," the lean hero sarcastically grumbled while rubbing her now belt-burned neck.

"Poor little Princess," Shego said as she reached over and caressed her girl's cheek.

"Where are we?" Kim asked with a yawn as she looked around. Nothing looked familiar to her.

"We still have a few hours to go."

"Go City should be closer to Middleton," the redhead complained with a light yawn.

"Well, braniac, invent a wormhole," Shego teased her pet.

"My brothers are probably working on that," the slim scientist mumbled, leaving her mistress unsure if she had heard right.

Did her pet just say that she had brothers? What else was there about her girl that she did not know; the moss-hued officer could not help wondering that. Sometimes, it was just hard for her to remember that her munchkin had a life before she had found the kid a few years back. Kim sometimes just made it seem like her mistress was her world, which they both supposed was what a good pet should do.

"Don't fall back to sleep," Shego ordered when she noticed that her girl was nodding off again. In the back of her mind, she considered that she might learn some new things about her pet on the trip; she was not a fan of learning new things about people thanks to her mother and her best friend.

Kim nodded in agreement and turned the radio on to keep herself awake; she knew that her owner wanted company for the long drive. In order to be a good pet, she had to stay awake, she told herself. She sang along for a couple of songs to keep herself up, until she got on her owner's nerves anyway. She then spent the rest of the ride purposely being a pest; she looked at it as part of her duty as a pet to be irksome every now and then. It did help keep her awake.

Shego would not admit it, but she was happy when they pulled up to the house because she was ready to strangle Kim, who was purposely singing off-key. To make matters worse, the song was purposely annoying; it was not a song from the radio. The title of the tune as far as she could tell was "I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves." It damn sure did.

Once they exited the car, Shego suddenly found herself feeling anxious; it was a rare thing for her. She was not sure the reason behind the feeling coursing through her system. She was just meeting her brat's family; it was no big deal, she assured herself. It was not like they were going to try to take her little monster from her or something that ridiculous.

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Next time: Shego meets the folks and the folks meet her.


	24. Gag Twenty Four: Normal geniuses

I don't own these characters and I don't own this premise. I also don't own M.I.T. I know it's hard to believe, but I don't.

Gag Twenty-four: Normal geniuses

_My mistress is coming with me to go to my parents' house for a cookout over the weekend_. _How cool is that! I hope my parents like her. I hope she likes me parents. I hope the tweebs don't do anything stupid and upset her. I'm actually hoping that everything goes perfect for her stay, but I know that's just hoping too much. Things don't have to be perfect, but as long as my mistress doesn't get too annoyed everything should be all right. This is going to be so totally spanking!_

"Hi, Mom!" Kim smiled warmly as she hugged her mother as soon as she opened the front door to the Possible home.

"Kimmie, it's good to see you," Missus Possible replied while returning the embrace with zeal. "Come in, come in, come in," she ushered her child and her guest in with a broad smile on her face.

The neurosurgeon motioned for the pair to enter the house, which they did. Shego was not too sure what to think yet, but she was already feeling a little uncomfortable inside of the house. She was not sure why that was; she was only meeting her brat's family, she reminded herself. It was only her scamp's people and nothing serious. Yet, some small part of her still felt anxious, as if the parents were going to confiscate her precious monster.

"Kimmie-cub!" Mister Possible greeted his daughter and grabbed her into an enthused bear hug. Shego was starting to see where her pet got such outlandish behavior from.

"Hi, Dad," Kim groaned because she had not expected such a tight hug. In the back of her mind, she wondered if she embraced her mistress as tightly as her father had her. If she did, she could understand why her owner always grunted when she hugged her.

"It's good to see you again," her father said while patting his daughter on the back.

"Good to see you too," Kim replied as her father finally let her go. She took a couple of soothing breaths and then turned her attention to her master. "Shego, this is my mom and dad, Doctor Anastasia Possible and Doctor James Possible. Mom, Dad, this is Shego," the young redhead introduced everyone.

"Please, call me Ann for short. Thank you so much for looking after our little girl," the neurosurgeon said with a smile; she was speaking to Shego.

"Looking after her?" the super-powered law enforcer echoed. It seemed like the parents knew who she was to a certain degree and they were aware that Kim stayed with her, which she did not expect. She did not even know that her pet was in contact with her parents enough to let them know that she was living with someone.

"We're thankful that you got her to go back to school and everything, even though you didn't talk her into being a rocket scientist like she should have been," James commented while reaching out to shake the pale officer's hand.

Shego arched an ebony eyebrow because she had not been aware that she was the one that got Kim to go back to school. She only recalled forcing the girl to return to her parents to get her to stop acting like a lazy slug when she could do so much with herself. She figured that her girl's parents would get her to do something with her life, which Shego believed her munchkin needed to do because she was so talented. She thought that they were giving her much more credit than she deserved in getting the redheaded scientist to do something with her life; the Possibles would disagree with that, Kim especially. The redhead had decided to do what she wanted because of Shego and she had gone to the school that she did because it allotted her the chance to stay with Shego.

"Just thanks so much for watching her and taking care of her," Ann said to the green-skinned woman while cutting a glance at James. Kim was never going to be a rocket scientist, so he needed to just let it go. The girl was a biologist, a herpetologist to be precise, and they should just be happy with that because the slim hero was very happy with it. In fact, Kim was making a mark already as a herpetologist, especially since she could take great photos to go along with any research that she wrote up.

Shego decided to just nod since she seemed to be out of the loop. Her pet's parents thought that she just looked out for Kim, which was part of what she did of course. She just doubted that her little monster, though crazy, would ever tell her parents that she was Shego's pet. It was something that a person could tell friends, who would eventually just accept it because friends tended to be of like minds on things or just allowed people to do stupid things, but not parents. Parents were just of a different mindset and were like from different planets.

"It is so not the drama, Mom," Kim objected. She wanted to get the praise to stop because she could see that her master not interested in hearing such things.

"All right, all right. Well, I prepared the guestroom … if you want to stay there," Ann said to the pale woman.

Ann was not quite sure what Shego was to her daughter, which was why she hesitated in stating that she prepared the guestroom. She was aware that Kim sometimes dated females, so she did consider that the pale woman could be a girlfriend, even though her daughter had never said such in all of their conversations. Now, if Shego was a girlfriend, Ann did figure that she would probably want to share Kim's room, but she had prepared the guestroom just in case since her daughter had never indicated who the pale woman was to her. After all, it was plausible that Shego and Kim were just roommates, which was usually how Kim made it sound, even though the petite hero never spoke of paying rent like a roommate would.

"That'll do," the moss-hued officer assured Ann.

Kim's face almost dropped to the floor, even though she suspected that her mistress would do such a thing. She had hoped that Shego would share her bed, though; it was just a pleasant thought. They almost always slept next to each other now and had done that for months. The slender scholar wanted to be able to snuggle up to her owner while they slept like she always did.

"Well, all right. Kimmie can take you up to the guestroom and show you around," Ann suggested.

Kim almost saluted, but she caught herself; oh man, pet life was really starting to spill into the rest of her life. She turned her attention to her master and motioned to the stairs. Shego followed her pet upstairs with her bag in hand; they had arrived a day early and planned to stay until the fifth. There was going to be a big cookout on the fourth of July complete with fireworks. Kim was happy that they were going to stay a day after the get together, which made Shego happy in return.

"Here you go," the trim scholar said to her mistress as she opened the door to the guestroom.

"Quaint," the emerald-eyed female muttered sarcastically as she scanned the room with her eyes. It looked much like a guestroom, almost like a hotel room. Quaint was the only word that she could think of without insulting the area.

"Yeah, we usually put Nana in here and she does her own thing while she's in here," the redhead explained to her master.

"Perfect," the pale woman said in a sardonic tone.

"Well, you're the one that wanted the guestroom. You could've just slept in my room. My parents wouldn't have minded," Kim replied. Well, her parents would have at least pretended to not mind, which was close enough for her in regards to her being able to sleep next to her mistress.

"By the way, do they know that you're my pet?" Shego asked curiously since the parents knew more than she expected.

"No, I couldn't think of a good way to explain that one. I mean, it's a hard subject to approach. I just told them that I live with you. They had a lot of questions, of course, since they didn't know who you were, but I answered the questions as best I could without coming right out and saying I was your pet," the slim adventurer explained.

"Why didn't you tell me that you told your parents that you were with me?" the emerald-eyed woman inquired.

"You never asked." Kim shrugged as if it was no big deal. Her mistress never seemed to care about family matters, no matter whose family it was. She did not feel like bothering Shego with any details or issues that obviously did not register on her radar.

Shego stared at her little monster. Did she come off as uncaring as it sounded when it came to her pet? She liked being informed about her munchkin's life. She liked knowing things about her redheaded imp. She rubbed the top of Kim's head.

"You can tell me these things, Princess. I want to know," she told the younger woman.

"Sorry, I didn't think you cared about stuff like this. I didn't tell them a bunch of stuff. It's just that they worry about me, like I'm going to just fall of the face of the Earth one day. They know what I'm like and my dad does seem to think I'm eight or something, so I just had to tell them stuff to make sure they didn't worry about me. I just wanted to make sure that they knew it was no big," Kim explained.

Shego nodded to show that she understood. She considered how much she worried about the kid and the redhead was only her pet; she hated to think how hard it had to be Kim's parents. They should probably count themselves lucky to be sane, if they were, in fact, sane. Being the kid's parents had to be a surefire way to go totally loopy in record time.

"I'll leave you to get settled in for a few minutes. Hey, do you want to see my room?" the slender hero asked curiously with an angelic twinkle in her leaf-colored eyes.

"Sure," Shego sighed. She agreed because she could see that it would mean a lot to her twerp if she did go and see the room. Besides, how could she say no when her girl was looking at her with such an adorable expression?

The raven-haired woman put her bag down and followed Kim out of the room. They trotted the short distance to Kim's space, which Shego thought looked rather normal. It was like the room of a regular teenager and to think, the normal teenage that once lived in the room had left and become her pet. So much for the normal teenager; she was a very abnormal adult. Well, normal was overrated anyway, but Shego did tuck the information in the back of her mind.

-------------------

Kim's parents were rather curious about Shego, so they were a bit happy that they were finally getting to meet her. When Kim had informed her mother that she was bringing someone to the cookout and that someone was not going to be Ron, they were curious as to whom she was going to bring. Kim almost never brought friends with her when they were having a family get together. She usually brought Ron and later on in her life, she started bringing Monique, but she never in all of her days brought a "significant other." Now, she did not say that Shego was anything of the sort, but they did wonder and they did assume.

Kim mostly made it sound like Shego was just a roommate or a friend since she had told her mother that she was staying with Shego rent-free. Her mother had understandably asked a lot of questions when Kim first began speaking about the pale woman, which was way back when Shego had made her return home when she was nineteen. The hero had not said much about Shego back then because she had not liked thinking about the green-skinned female much, missing her mistress and the life that she had with the older woman. She also did not want to accidentally talk about her life as a pet too, so she did not talk much about Shego back then.

Lately, when she was on the phone with her mother, she found that she had to talk about Shego somewhat; she spoke to her father too, but about other issues. Her mother was the one that wanted to know about her current life and how things were going. Her father was stuck in the past for the most part and was also trying to push her into being a rocket scientist for some reason. Anyway, lately when she was on the phone with her mother, Ann had all sorts of questions, especially in regards her mistress.

What had Kim told her mother in regards to Shego to sate the neurosurgeon's curiosity somewhat? Well, she had merely said that Shego was a very kind woman that she met almost the second that she stepped into Go City. She made sure to include that Shego was a cop because her mother worried about Go City and the types of people that lived in the city. Ann thought that Kim might run into all kinds of shady people, so it soothed her nerves to know that Kim had befriended a law enforcement agent. It made her believe that Kim was safe, even though the hero would have loved to point out that she could take care of herself. She did not do that, though; she just made sure that her mother knew that she was with someone that was not unsavory or something like that.

Kim also made sure to include that Shego was very domestic because she knew that her mother worried about her diet. If the petite hero was left on her own, everyone was almost certain that all Kim would eat was pizza and ramen noodles; they were all probably very correct. So, she informed her mother that Shego cooked very often and that eased Ann's concern about her daughter's diet, which also helped ease her worry about her daughter's health.

But, Ann did not understand why Shego was doing so much for Kim. It was not like the raven-haired female and her daughter were old friends or something like Kim and Ron. Kim and Shego did not really have a history together, so why did Shego help her daughter, she often wondered. Why did Shego let the petite hero stay with her free of charge? Why did she cook for Kim? Why did she take Kim into her home point blank? Kim always skirted around those issues and never directly answered those types of questions.

Ann did not know what to think, but she did consider that her daughter might be involved romantically with Shego because it would explain a lot of things. It would not explain why Kim never called Shego her partner or anything like that, but a romantic relationship seemed to make sense with what she knew. She did not have much of a problem with that, except for the fact that the relationship seemed to be moving very fast. Kim had made it clear that she started living with Shego almost the very second that she met the woman and Ann was not too sure how she felt about that. She hoped that Kim did not rush into something and she hoped that her daughter was keeping her head about her. Sometimes, she did not know about Kim.

Sometimes the neurosurgeon envied her husband and his one-track mind and being able to only see Kim as his baby girl. He never thought about things that Kim might do as a grown woman out on her own and as long as she was not with some boy to his knowledge, then everything was fine by his account; it never even seemed to register to his mind that their openly bisexual daughter might be out with some girl doing something. She was not sure why he thought like that, but it seemed to save him a lot of stress.

At least she could get to know the mysterious woman in her daughter's life, Ann thought. She figured that even though they were only going to be at the house for the weekend, she could still get a better picture of who Shego was. She truly wanted to understand Shego and just what her relationship was to Kim. She was hoping that some of her questions would be answered.

-------------------

"Dinner, everybody!" James called through out the house, hoping to get everyone's attention, so he did not have to go looking for anyone.

Shego followed her pet to the dining room. She was a little curious as to how dinner would go in the Possible household. She knew that meal time in the Gooding family was something akin to chow time in a wolf pack, complete with respect for the alpha and battle wounds. And she had also experienced meal time at the Director household and it was totally different from what she was used to; it was like being in a prison having a meal there.

Shego and Betty both came from households with extremely powerful matriarchs, but their mothers were opposites in the way that they did things. Shego's mother while domineering and impatient, let her offspring do their own things much of the thing while Betty's mother seemed to need to control everything that was going on in the house or outside of the house sometimes; Shego used to urge Betty to run away, just to be a bad influence on her. So, she wondered where the Possible family would fall when it came to meals.

"Please don't be brain-loaf, please don't be brain-loaf," Kim silently prayed. She did not have much against brain-loaf, except for the fact that it was food shaped like a human brain, which made it a little difficult to eat. Sometimes, she wished that her mother found better outlets for her background as a sculptor.

Kim breathed a sigh of relief when she saw that they were not having brain-loaf. They had a simple meal of fried chicken, mashed potatoes, corn on the cob, and biscuits; all of which were very fine by the petite adventurer. They sat down at the table and Shego got a little nervous. She thought that the family might actually bless the meal, which would be too much for her. But, there was no praying. Everyone just civilly collected their food and sat down and that was when Shego noticed the pair that Kim affectionately called "the tweebs."

The twins were in their teens now and showing some forms of individuality. They each had their own form of fashion, but they still pretty much shared a brain. Jim had shed his red shirt for sports jerseys; they still played soccer actually, so he was very into sports. He liked jerseys from almost every sport and his closet was full of different team uniforms from various sports. At the moment, he had on a throwback basketball jersey because of the heat of the day and it matched his crimson shorts and sneakers. He had his ears pierced too and was wearing three studs in each ear.

Tim appeared to be trying to grow a mustache and that had been the first thing that Kim noticed about either of them; she pointed out that it looked like he had some dirt on his face. He was more interested in tee-shirts with one-liners on them when it came to clothing, which might explain why his black tee-shirt had a little cartoon character on it with a rocket launcher and a caption that read "yes, I do have all the answers." He was wearing black shorts and white low-top sneakers. He had his left eyebrow pierced, proclaiming that his girlfriend thought that it was cute when Kim asked him why he had a booger on his eyebrow.

"We look better than you," the twins declared simultaneously, speaking to their sister when she started picking on them again.

"Please, like that would ever happen," Kim replied with a taunting smirk on her face.

"At least we've got girls," Jim added.

"They probably feel sorry that you're such tweebs," Kim shot back.

"As if," the boys replied with skeptical looks on their faces.

"You're just mad that we have girls," Tim argued.

"And that we're way cooler than you," his double said.

"You wish," Kim stated. She would have liked to tell them that she had a girl too, who undoubtedly looked better than both of their girls combined, but saying something like that would have probably upset her mistress and would have probably started up some questions with her parents. It would have just been too much trouble.

"We are. We got scouted by more colleges than you too," Tim bragged to their sister as proof that they were cooler than she was.

Kim scoffed. "Like that happened. What college are you two going to anyway, now that you mention it?" she asked curiously.

"Well, we were going to go to G.U for the soccer and engineering," Jim answered.

"But, who wants to share a school with you?" Tim sneered at their sister.

"They're going to go to M.I.T," Ann informed Kim since the boys seemed content to just go back and forth with their sister rather than answer the question.

"No way! You guys got ferociously huffy with me when I pitched the idea of going to M.I.T and you're going to let them go?" Kim complained.

"Kimmie, you could've gone to M.I.T if you wanted," Ann argued.

"Not after the way you guys made it seem like I'd melt, and moon would fly out of orbit and the sun would explode, destroying the entire planet if I left the region," the slender hero argued.

Her parents had made her so nervous when she was making college plans because of the way they reacted to some of the schools that she had applied to or the schools that were looking at her. She had been so anxious, mostly due to them, that she went to a school in the neighborhood even though it offered almost nothing in regards to what she wanted, but she did not know what to do. Eventually, she had not been able to take it and she had transfer, but the fact that she had even gone there was irksome in her opinion.

"Well, you were only fifteen," the neurosurgeon countered. Kim was just a child when she was accepted to college; they had not been sure what would happen to her away from home with some wild teens on a college campus.

"So are they," Kim pointed out. Her brothers were just fifteen right now at that very moment and they were going off to college at one of the schools her parents had completely freaked on when she said she wanted to go there. How unfair was that?

"But, there's two of them. They can look out for each other," the blue-eyed doctor riposted. She was a bit more comfortable with the twins going to M.I.T because there were two of them and they stuck together. They could watch each other while there was only one Kim with no one to watch out for her once she was away from the house.

Ann did not want to bring up the point that James made a big fuss about Kim being so far from home when she graduated high school at such a young age while with the twins, he was only proud of them. He did not have any apprehension about them moving on and she guessed that it could be considered sexist of him, but it was not so much that he did not think that Kim was capable of being on her own or taking care of herself because she was female. His whole problem was just that in his mind Kim was still his baby girl for some reason and no one would let a baby go out on her own.

"I could've taken care of myself," Kim argued. She could do anything. What part of her motto did her parents not get?

"Yes, you could've, but we were worried about you. You were the first one leaving the nest, after all. It just scared us," her mother honestly replied, saving Kim's pride and hopefully quelling the argument. "Besides, you went to a fine school and now look at you," she added.

"Yeah, I guess," Kim conceded. She had gone to a school that was great for sciences, biology especially, and now she was deep into biology. So, she guessed that she had made the right decision. But, there was always the "what if" that might have been had she traveled down the road of a mathematician. She had actually had plans to be a code breaker, but she never shared that with anyone and she guessed that it was would remain a dream.

"So, all of this talk of colleges, Shego, what's your alma mater?" James asked the pale woman at the table to get her into the conversation. He thought it was rude of them to sit there and not try to get their guest talking.

"Don't got one," Shego easily admitted, even though she noticed a while ago that she was sharing a table with brainiacs to an almost strange degree. After all, the two parents were doctors and the three children were all college-bound at fifteen.

"You didn't go to college?" the rocket scientist inquired in an incredulous tone. He did not mean to sound the way that he did, but he thought that everyone went to college nowadays.

"Nope," she answered. Hell, she would not have finished high school if her mother had not threatened to hospitalize her if she did something "as stupid as drop out." Fine, so she graduated and made a run for it before her mother threatened her to force her to go to college. She had not cared much for a higher education back then and from what she was seeing from the rest of the world, she had not missed out. She felt that she had learned all that she needed to know on the streets back then and it was on that knowledge that she made her money on for a while.

"I thought you had to have at least sixty credits to become a police officer," Ann mused out loud, not meaning to be a tad discourteous as she was. She did not have much of a problem with the fact that Shego had no kind of college credentials, but it was just that to her knowledge, to get into certain professions some kind of higher education was necessary.

"Not when you're good at kicking ass and your friend is desperate for recruits," the green-skinned woman remarked with a small smirk. Betty had been beyond desperate when she hired Shego because she required someone with half a brain to take on the tasks that she was looking to do and it seemed that Go City was full of nothing but idiots at the time. Shego actually believed that the city was still full of idiots.

"Do you get to shoot people?" the twins asked at the same time.

"I could, but don't," she answered bluntly. Of course she could shoot people; she was a freaking cop. What an annoying question, she silently huffed. It seemed that everyone's brothers were just infuriating.

"Why don't you?" the boys inquired.

"Because I don't need to," she informed them.

The twins went on with that line of questioning until the green-skinned female just ignited her hands to show them why she did not require a gun of any sort and hoped to shut them up. She quickly decided that they were almost as irksome as her twin brothers; she and her pet were on the same page as far as that idea went. The boys thought that the plasma trick was cool and then went into speculations as to how they could replicate such an effect. Kim got annoyed with that idea because they were planning it recklessly and then she had to point out the degree of energy that they would need to create the same plasma that Shego could produce. The siblings then got into a scientific debate that their father jumped into, looking to correct some of the boys' calculations, which were coming from the tops of their heads. Needless to say, James was not helping the situation, merely making sure that when the boys undoubtedly did attempted to re-create the effect, they did not kill themselves in the process. Ann had expected as much from her husband.

Ann tried to be the "adult" of the whole thing to get the debate to stop. She did not want the boys trying to make plasma because that was just a fire waiting to happen. She would like to make it through just one week where she did not have to call the fire department. Her family did not seem to think in the same manner; sure, Kim was attempting to discourage the boys, but not to keep them from starting a fire. She was just trying to rain on their parade.

Shego just watched the discussion; it was too technical for her to do anything else, even though she would not have joined in even if she did not know what they were talking about. She did find it a bit amusing that throughout all of the scientific jargon, the siblings still managed to get in plenty of childish name-calling and regular insults that any two-year-old would have understood. Despite the fact that there were all obviously super-smart, the Possible family was still the most normal family that she had ever encountered. It only made her wonder about her pet.

The pale woman wondered how she had managed to come into possession of the family's daughter. What steps lead to the daughter being in Go City when she was? How had Kim even become who she was in the family that she was in? They all seemed so normal to a certain degree, yet Kim was far from normal. Or maybe Kim used to be normal at one point in time. Did she miss what she had at the moment, Shego wondered about her little monster. Did Kim miss being a normal person?

The green-skinned woman just watched her little monster, hoping that she could see the answer to her questions somewhere in her pet's demeanor. Her girl looked normal at the moment, just arguing with her brothers, like a lot of sisters did. Would her pet want to go back to being normal one day if she had ever been normal at all?

-------------------

Next time: Kim decides to show Shego around town and they run into Kim's original mistress. Whoa, wait, her original mistress? She's going to have some explaining to do.


	25. Gag Twenty Five: The original model

I don't own these characters and I don't own this premise.

Gag Twenty-five: The original model

_I want to say that I don't know what I'm doing here, but I do know. I'm here because my pet was going to go without me and leave me for whatever number of days and I didn't want that. Now, I'm seeing how my pet is when she's also someone's sister and daughter. She seems almost normal and so does her family. So, I wonder if one day she'll leave me to go be normal somewhere or will her family take her from me to make her normal? I don't want her normal; I just want her to be mine, like she should. I just want her to be mine._

Shego was attempting to settle into the guestroom in the Possible household. It was a slightly difficult thing to do because the room seemed so much like a hotel room and it had the slight smell of old people. She wished that she could just fall asleep because she was sick of thinking about the day that she had just had and what she had just learned.

She had just spent a very odd day seeing how semi-normal people lived, how a semi-normal family got along; it was semi-normal because the Possible family were all super intelligent and that kept everything from being totally normal. She had witnessed a meal eaten civilly without someone having to shout or someone being wounded; she saw talking without threats being involved for the most part or at least threats that would not be acted upon; and she even witnessed some board game time. It bored her all right, as the name suggested, but it also stunned her.

Her pet came from somewhat normal people with normal backgrounds in a normal town; she decided to not count the fact that the Possibles were a neurosurgeon and a rocket scientist as she thought about things now. It was just a warming, loving environment and it puzzled her that her little monster came from such a place because she believed that Kim was not normal, until she saw the redhead interact with her family anyway.

Kim turned out to be normal with her family. She ripped on her little brothers verbally like any regular big sister would. She listened to her parents like a normal, good daughter. She got embarrassed when her parents started sharing stories from her childhood like any other person would. She nearly jumped on her mother when the neurosurgeon was going to show Shego some baby pictures, just like any normal person would. Kim was normal for the most part and that led Shego to a bizarre line of thinking.

Would her elf one day leave her to be normal? Would Kim one day just decided she was done playing the eccentric pet/hero and go find a husband, live in the suburbs, have two kids, and call it a life? It did not sound like Kim, but she considered that it could happen since she was now seeing a side of Kim that she had never witnessed before. She just did not know what to think.

Shego wished that she could turn her brain off and go to sleep. She just could not get comfortable enough in the bed to do that. She tossed and turned, but no space seemed just right in the comfort zone. No place seemed to be just right and she could not figure out why.

Shego then suddenly tensed up as she heard a small noise outside her door. She made a fist as the door inched open, preparing for something that she did not even know what it was, and then she relaxed when she saw who it was. Kim was coming into the room.

The green-skinned woman did not say anything as Kim climbed into bed with her; the slender hero was silent too. The redhead sighed as she curled up next to Shego as she did every night. She kissed her mistress on the cheek as a goodnight gesture and she was about to go right to sleep, but her owner halted her.

"Princess," Shego said.

"Hmm?" Kim acknowledged her mistress with a noise.

"You said your parents don't know that you're my pet, right?" the raven-haired female inquired.

"Right, it's a really hard thing to try to tell parents," the younger woman answered.

Shego nodded to show that she understood and agreed that it was probably a hard thing to tell parents. "Do they know that you're bisexual?" she inquired curiously. She wondered what kind of things Kim could tell her parents; they seemed a bit too clean to accept the news that their daughter was bisexual.

"Yeah, they know," Kim replied.

"You told them?" the super-powered officer asked. She considered that the parents could have just caught Kim in compromising position back when the girl lived in their home.

"Yeah, I told them," the redhead confirmed.

"How'd they take it?" Shego inquired.

"Well, they didn't disown me, which was good. They weren't very happy with the news. My dad didn't really understand it at first and my mother had to explain it to him. I don't know if they ever got over the idea that I'm not straight, but they accept it. It's a part of me and they accept that, you know? It's just who I am," Kim answered with a bit of a shrug.

The slim hero was trying to sound neutral as she spoke to give off the impression that it did not matter one way or another, but she was not fairing well. It seemed like she wanted something more than acceptance, but she did not share what that was. Shego wondered what more her girl wanted from her parents; at least they accepted her. Other parents would have had a fit more than likely to find out their child was bisexual.

"Their acceptance means that they try not to act surprised if they see you with a girl?" Shego asked.

"Something like that. It's cool, as long as they don't freak out or something. They're trying, which is cool," Kim replied with confidence. It was believable that she was pleased with them trying, but there was still more to it.

"Is there anything uncool to you?" the older woman inquired, just to tease her munchkin a bit.

"Hmm…not having you all to myself is very uncool," the slender adventurer replied and she hugged her mistress close to her.

Shego laughed a little; it seemed that no matter what her pet would always be hers. How could someone that seemed so normal be so weird, Shego wondered as she looked down at her mini-monster. The older woman did not know the answer and she did not care to know it. As long as Kim was hers, everything was all right. She was willing to bet that everything would be all right.

--------------------

When Shego woke up the next morning, she was alone in the bed. She was not used to that since she generally woke up before her pet. She was not the only one that was surprised; when Kim woke up, she was astonished too. The redhead had actually been confused when she woke up first, thinking that maybe it was the middle of the night and she wanted a snack or something, but then she saw the time. Kim then realized that she had woken up her usual time for when she used to live in the house. Her body had responded to the environment that she was in, not that Shego knew that.

The pale woman went to take a shower and she could hear that the Possible family was already awake and rolling because she could hear Kim yelling at "the tweebs" for whatever reason. She did not pay the siblings any mind, only thinking that Kim was better than she was when it came to the boys because she would have threatened her little brothers a long time ago to shut them up, not that it would work. Instead of getting violent, Kim usually had some kind of smart aleck, scientific theory to shut her brothers up; the fact that they would never travel past the speed of light was typically sufficient and almost always shut them down.

"Kimmie, don't discourage your brothers," Ann scolded her daughter.

"Tell them to stop acting like such tweebs then," Kim replied.

"She's just mad because physics is a better science than biology," Jim commented.

"And we'll have doctorates before her because she's lazy," Tim added.

Kim scoffed and merely countered with, "As if." She also rolled her leaf-colored eyes. She would probably have three doctorates before they even finished undergrad.

"Kimmie, don't you think you're a little too old to be having this argument," Ann said to halt the discussion.

The slim hero rolled her eyes once again and decided to leave her brothers alone to avoid being reprimanded again. She went in search of her master to see if the older woman was up. She thought that maybe they could go do something if Shego was dressed. She went to Shego's room and found it empty. She then noticed the noise in the bathroom, so she guessed that her owner was in there. She waited in the guestroom until Shego came back in because she figured that if she went in the bathroom, it would make her mistress angry. She also figured that if she went to wait in her own room, her master would not think to come get her so that they could be together.

"What's up, Pumpkin?" Shego inquired as she entered the room to discover her pet just sitting on the bed.

"Want to go outside?" Kim proposed with a smile.

"Aw, you want to go for a walk?" Shego teased.

"I figured I could show you around town," the redhead explained.

"Okay, not like there's anything better to do around here," the pale woman commented.

------------------

Kim took her mistress to the mall before anything else to show her all of her favorite spots. She knew that there was nothing about the Middleton mall that would impress the older female considering the fact that Go City had some of the best malls in the country. Shego looked rather unimpressed when they entered the mall, but she scanned the area in case she spotted something for herself or for her pet.

"Monique used to work there," Kim informed her master while pointing to Club Banana.

"That's the fashion conscious one, isn't it?" Shego asked. She got her pet's friends confused sometimes, so she just needed to get them straightened out mentally before she could comment on them. She actually knew her pet's friends better than she liked. She did not see the point in knowing Kim's friends, yet she knew a few things about them. It was weird as far as she was concerned, but she let it go.

"Yeah, that's her," the shorter female answered.

"I guess that was the perfect place for her to work. Where'd you work?" Shego asked to taunt her pet because she doubted that the girl ever held a job. She did not see how it would be plausible for her girl to have held a job with the way that she hopped all over the world.

Kim laughed a bit and hid her face. She would never tell her mistress that she worked at Bueno Nacho, even though it was not very long. It was one thing to not be embarrassed when she was with her master, but even as a pet, she had some self-respect.

The pair wandered the mall for a little while. Shego was not sure why, but she seemed compelled to buy things for herself and her pet; it typically occurred when she was in or near shopping centers. Kim came away with more clothes when she went out with Shego than when she went shopping with Monique. It might have had something to do with the fact that she and Monique were always on a budget while it seemed that her mistress never ran out of money. The redhead never said anything about it, but maybe one day, she would bring up the fact that her master spent money the way she drank water and see if she could get an explanation for it.

"Kim, what are you doing here? Buying more out of season clothes?" Bonnie asked as she noticed the redhead and her master. Kim groaned when she saw Bonnie not even five feet away.

"Bonnie, don't you have classes you should be failing?" Kim countered.

"As if," the brown-haired girl answered. "I've got an audition with a ballet troupe. I don't need school anymore, unlike some people," she commented, as if that was an insult.

The scientist was about to respond to that, but someone else called her name; it seemed that she was popular that day. She turned to see who it was and noticed a blonde woman a few yards away that looked very familiar to her. The blonde walked over and completely ignored Bonnie when she made it to the scene; she did not pay Shego too much mind either, not that Shego cared.

"It is you, Kim. It's funny running into you. A colleague of mine was just showing me some of your photographs of snakes and other reptiles. They were lovely shots and then I was reading the article that went along with your pictures. The person interviewing you didn't do your work justice," the blonde commented in a sort of uppity tone.

Kim was a bit stunned because of who the woman was that was complimenting her. She was too shocked to speak for a couple of seconds because the woman that she was looking at was Justine Flanner. Justine was complimenting her work? It had to be the end of the world, but someone forgot to send out the memo; it was the only way for Kim to explain the reason why Justine Flanner was paying her work homage.

"Justine, I didn't know you were interested in the natural sciences. I thought it was all about theoretical and experimental physics with you," Kim finally replied. It was the first thing that came to mind and it was better than just standing there like a speechless moron.

"Well, yes, but then I saw your work. It was brilliant, for a biologist anyway. I was shocked to hear that you didn't have your PhD yet and I was a bit disappointed. What happened?" Justine inquired and she noticed that Bonnie was still just standing there. She decided to rid them of the Rockwaller annoyance. "Miss Rockwaller, this conversation might be a little out of your league considering we are going to be using words with more than five letters, so perhaps you would like to move along," she insisted.

Bonnie looked thoroughly insulted by the blonde's words. "As if I'd hang around you science geeks anyway," she huffed before walking away.

"You've still got a way with Bonnie," Kim remarked, speaking to Justine.

"The little peasant needs to learn her place amongst her betters. Now, come on, out with it, why haven't you gotten your PhD yet? I'm certain it's because of all of your extra activity. I've told you numerous times that you need to focus on the science. You are a scientist," Justine pointed out, speaking in a calm, yet forceful manner.

"Are you done scolding me yet?" Kim inquired with a playful smile.

Shego was now interested in the new comer. She was a little curious about the blonde and the nerve that she had daring to reprimand her little monster with her standing right there. She decided that she did dislike what was happening already and she did not even know exactly what was going on yet.

"Well, what happened?" the blonde genius demanded to know. She continued to speak in a superior tone to Kim that the redhead did not seem to mind, but her master certainly did.

"She did other shit," Shego replied, irked with the pushy blonde. Justine appeared shocked and offended by the statement and turned her attention to the raven-haired woman.

"Oh, Justine, this is Shego. Shego, this is Justine," Kim introduced the pair, who merely glared daggers at each other. The slim adventurer was certain that if life were like a television show, lightning would have shot from their eyes at each other.

"Kim, you allowed a woman to distract you from putting your mind to work?" Justine inquired as if she was very dissatisfied with the slender hero.

"That's not what happened. Shego put me back on the path actually," Kim informed the blonde scientist. Her mistress looked rather proud as those words left her mouth. In her mind, Shego was saying "take that, bitch!"

"So, you're working on your PhD now, aren't you?" Justine grilled the redheaded adventurer.

"Of course. I've got my research going and everything is all planned out. I've got all sorts of things going as far as my science. I'm fine," Kim replied.

"So, I'll be seeing more of your work with reptiles?" the snobby-looking scientist asked.

"Reptiles, snakes especially and also natural toxins. I have been wondering what you've been working on lately," Kim answered.

"Nothing worth noting. I've been teamed up with a group of annoying know-nothings on some government project. There is this exceptionally irksome fellow who is completely blue and utterly mad. I'm thankfully on vacation right now. I figured I'd stop by and say hello to my parents for a few days and then I'm heading to Germany for the rest of the month. What about you? You have a spare moment and we could get together and talk," Justine sort of proposed.

Her words were an order disguised as a proposal. She was not in the habit of suggesting things, especially to Kim. People were to be told what to do and she expected them to do it posthaste; Kim was not an exception to that rule. In fact, she expected Kim to comply more readily than others.

Kim glanced at her mistress and she could see that Shego did not like the idea of her meeting up with Justine very much; the pale woman definitely did not like that idea. She bet that her owner would like it even less if Shego knew more about her history with Justine. Kim decided to be courteous while making sure not to anger Shego; after all, she had to go home with the green-skinned female.

"I actually don't think I'd have time for that, Justine. I mean, I've got to get back to my parents' house for their cookout today and then tomorrow I'm leaving," Kim explained.

"Oh, that is a shame. We always did have so much to talk about. Well, with luck, I'll see you around," Justine said and then she dared to reach out and caress Kim's cheek right in front of Shego. She then locked eyes with Shego and smirked at her; it was like she was challenging Shego to kill her, the super-powered woman thought anyway.

The moss-hued officer growled from the nerve of the blonde bitch before her. She was so upset that she could not even speak to give the girl a proper tongue lashing for being so bold. The first words that popped into her head were words that she could not even speak because they would sound so weird; she thought to say "bitch, keep your hands off of my pet." That line was borderline ridiculous even in her own head and she actually would have been embarrassed if she allowed such words to leave her mouth, but she could not just allow Justine to get away with such blatant disrespect and then try to walk away. That notion was beyond ridiculous.

"With luck, you'll get hit by a speeding car in the parking lot," Shego remarked in a clear tone as Justine stepped away to leave.

"What was that?" Justine asked as she turned around.

Kim got a little nervous and worried. She decided to intervene before things got out of hand. After all, she would hate to see Justine end up in the hospital for trying to get into it verbally with her owner.

"Nothing, she said with luck you'll have a spanking vacation," the redhead interjected before her master could repeat herself.

Justine would not have backed down from the insult and then Shego would have more than likely eaten the blonde alive. Kim would not have known what to do if that happened, so she hoped that Justine just took her word on what Shego said and continued to leave. It was a holiday, no one needed to die in the mall, in Kim's opinion anyway.

"Feel free to call me sometime, Kim. My number hasn't changed," Justine said and she winked at Kim before starting to walk off again.

"I'll try," Kim replied while putting her hands over Shego's mouth to keep her from barking something else to provoke the blonde further.

Once Justine was out of sight, Shego finally managed to yank her pet's hands away from her mouth. She wished that she had a magazine or a newspaper because she would have whacked her naughty munchkin with all of her might. She had things to say to that uppity blonde whore and now she would not get the chance.

"What the hell, Princess?" the pale woman demanded to know while turning to glare at her mischievous pet.

"Sorry," Kim apologized for her behavior. She really did not want to see her master kill Justine, though.

"Who the fuck was that snotty, uppity bitch?" Shego inquired while pointing in the direction that Justine exited in.

"Justine. Hmm…I guess, in retrospect, you could call her my original mistress," Kim mused aloud and that got her master's total attention.

"What the hell do you mean?" Shego almost shouted. She recalled being told that she was the only one that Kim had ever played the pet for and now she was being told that she was not Kim's first mistress. What the hell!

The slim scholar smiled a little bit; she thought that it was a bit amusing that her master was so flustered by her response. She decided to explain why she had said such a thing. As they continued to walk around the mall, she went into telling Shego that she went to high school with Justine, who was very much the intellectual snob that she seemed to be. The blonde had at first looked down on Kim, feeling that the redhead's so-called genius was an insult to her real genius. Kim had taken some insult to that, but nothing much more and graduated without any wounds dealt by the blonde.

It had taken a chance meeting at a science convention after Kim and Justine had graduated for them to see eye to eye at least a little bit. They ended up talking and the blonde yielded that Kim was not as stupid as she thought; her exact words were something to that effect. Despite her uppity persona, Kim did not think that she was as bad as she seemed when they talked to each other. They found out that they were attending the same university and then the next thing that the redhead knew, they were dating…well, sort of dating.

Justine was a very domineering personality and Kim, though hyperactive and competitive in her own right, had grown out of always wanting to be right once she had gotten out of high school. Justine, however, always wanted and had to be right. So, the slim hero tended to avoid arguing about pointless matters; well, things that she dubbed pointless, but Justine seemed to believe that every little thing mattered to the point that she badgered the redhead over the smallest, simplest things. Justine tended to order Kim around as if she was a servant and things like that because Kim had mellowed and was never really looking for a confrontation in her personal life. That was why Kim referred to her as the "original mistress."

"I was more like her slave than anything else. She liked ordering me around all of the time. She didn't really take care of me or anything. She was nowhere near as good a mistress as you are," Kim informed Shego as they started back to the car to get to the house for the barbeque.

"You're just a glutton for punishment, huh?" Shego quipped. She really did not get her pet at all. Out of the all of people on the planet, the redhead had fallen for a manipulative, cheating male artist, an arrogant, domineering female scientist, and then her. It just did not make any sense that her pet did not fall for somebody that would treat her properly.

"I don't think of it like that. You live, you learn," Kim replied with a shrug.

There was no point in stressing over people that were either not in her life anymore or in her life in a different manner. As far as her current mistress, she would not rather be with anyone else. She doubted that anyone would treat her the way that her master did anyway. Sure, she was dubbed a pet, but who would cook for her, clean up after her, make sure that she was doing something positive with her life without telling her what she should be doing, shampoo her head whenever she requested it, clip her nails if she asked, rub her scalp, massage her and everything else that Shego did for her? She would never even be comfortable enough around someone to want them to do most of the things that Shego did for her. Her mistress treated her just fine and always made her feel special. She could not ask for anything more in her opinion.

"So, who broke up with who in that one?" Shego inquired, referring to her pet's relationship with Justine.

"She broke up with me. She had a problem with the hero thing and the fact that I was doing biology instead of physics in school. She always barked on me about it," the olive-eyed female explained.

"What the hell does it even matter? You were doing something with your life and that hollow head of yours and that should be enough," Shego stated.

Kim only smiled. She loved that about Shego; the fact that she did not need to be doing something specific, it just had to be something. Shego did not have some divine plan that she believed that the slender adventurer should follow. All the pale woman wanted was for Kim to go out and do something with her life and then come in the house and be as lazy as possible. It was not a difficult thing to do.

"So, how many other mistresses are you hiding, you little monster?" the green-skinned woman asked in a teasing tone. For some reason, she felt at ease rather than apprehensive about her pet possibly having other "masters." Sure, she wished that she had heard something about Justine sooner, but she did not see the blonde woman as a threat to her. She felt like despite everything, her pet would always remain true to her because that was what a pet did. A pet was loyal to her master; Kim was loyal to Shego.

"Just her. My other real girlfriend was more laidback, so I wouldn't consider her a mistress. Our relationship was much more adventurous equals jumping off of things together and laughing all the way down," Kim replied.

The eccentric adventurer wondered if she should tell her master about how Shego was actually the only person that she ever returned to in the same role. She considered the thought because she thought that her owner might be a bit upset about the fact that she had sort of had another mistress, so she thought it might be reassuring for Shego to know that she was the only person Kim ever returned to with saying that they were only going to be friends. Whenever others let her go, Kim left and never looked back; lovers were included in that. Life went on when it was implied that she was unnecessary or unwanted by everyone, except for Shego. When Shego let her go, she felt injured, wounded, unfulfilled, empty, even deprived without her mistress. She always needed to get back to her master.

"So, did she leave you too?" the pale woman asked Kim about her other girlfriend.

"Yeah, she couldn't handle the brain that came along with the adventure," the redhead answered.

"Why? You're not a snob about it," Shego pointed out. Most of the time, she even forgot that her pet was a genius. Sometimes, she even thought that there were rocks in her monster's head because of the things that she did.

"Yeah, but every time that she asked a rhetorical question about how something worked or something like that, I answered. It got annoying for her," the younger woman explained.

Shego laughed a bit; her elf was a know-it-all now that she thought about it and she was well aware of that from watching television trivia shows with the redhead. It did get irksome sometimes because she wondered why the girl even heard of some of the answers, but she found it a tolerable, cute annoying. She usually batted her mini-monster with a pillow or something to let her know that she was being bothersome if she was just getting ludicrous with things. It was not something that she would ever get rid of her adorable imp for.

"We should get back to the house. The food is probably on the grill already," Kim realized.

"Like you even know what time it is. You don't wear a watch," Shego commented.

"The position of the sun suggests that it's past noon," Kim pointed out.

"You are a snob about it now," the pale woman stated and her pet offered her a cheeky smile.

--------------------

Shego was lounging in the Possible backyard, eating a slice of watermelon while resting in a chair that she had leaned far back. Kim was talking to her mother while they were both feasting on chicken kabobs. The twins were acting stupid, in Shego's opinion, but the boys thought that they were being impressive to their girlfriends. Yes, the tweebs had girlfriends, much to their sister's surprise.

As far as Kim could tell, her brothers' girlfriends were semi-normal; she could not bring herself to admit that any person dating her brothers were completely normal. They seemed like nice girls, not that she interacted with them much; she and her brothers had completely different taste in women and she did not find anything interesting about the girls that made her want to get to know them. Her mother did report on the girls and she even still seemed to be on the fence about the girls. Apparently, she could not figure out why the boys liked them aside for the fact that they both were cute blondes. And then another blonde made his presence known and the topic was lost for the moment.

"The Ron-man is in the hiz-ouse!" Ron announced as he entered the backyard with Yori. Rufus leaped out of his pocket the second that they hit the backyard and made a beeline directly for the food.

"Ron, do you suppose we could keep Rufus from helping himself?" Missus Possible requested because it was just a little disturbing to see a small rodent fixing his own plate, especially to the few guests that were not accustomed to such a thing.

"He takes the bald rat everywhere, huh?" Shego remarked.

"Why not? You take Kim everywhere," Ron countered and it would have been funny anywhere else, but where they were now. It also gave a clue as to where he was going with the conversation, but no one could stop him in time. "At least I don't force Rufus to wear a collar and put him on a leash every time we leave the house. I'm a way better pet owner than you are. I'm shocked you don't tie Kim up outside of the grocery store," he declared.

"Ron," Kim groaned and then she dropped her head as she noticed her parents looking at her.

"Kimmie, what's Ron talking about?" Ann inquired.

"You know, how Kim is Shego's pet," Ron actually answered and everybody just gawked at him.

"This kid's a fucking moron," Shego sighed.

Monique and Felix entered the backyard moments later. They noticed how everyone was eyeing Ron. The couple knew that Ron had done something stupid before he could even open his mouth to address why all eyes were on him.

"What did I do?" Ron inquired.

---------------------------

Next time: the reaction to Ron's big mouth.


	26. Gag Twenty Six: Fireworks

I don't own these characters and I don't own this premise.

Gag Twenty-six: Fireworks

_Okay, I know Ron isn't the best person at keeping his mouth shut and I know that sometimes it doesn't occur to him that some things shouldn't be said with certain people around, but really, I'd like to think that even the simplest of individuals would know not to mention that I'm a pet in front of my parents! I mean, they're my parents, after all. Why would I want them to know that I'm a pet? There's no reason for them to know, but thanks to Captain Big-Mouth it's practically public knowledge. Just great. I wonder what he does for his next trick; although, I don't think I'll let him live to make it that far._

No one, save Ron Stoppable himself, could believe the words that the blonde boy had just allowed to leave his mouth. Having been at the Possible family cookout for a whole twenty seconds, he had given away that Kim was a pet, a secret that she had kept from her family for the all the years that she had been a pet, in about five seconds. It was beyond incredible. Well, at least they could be confident that Ron did not know any highly classified information, because if he did, he was definitely a national security risk.

Shego immediately decided to jump in and do damage control. She started doing something that she was good at after Ron proved that he was good at not keeping secrets; the pale woman began lying through her teeth as thoroughly as possible because she knew that her pet would not do it; the girl was not good at lying anyway. She could see that the parents wanted some answers, Ann especially, so someone had to do the lying around there.

The moss-hued female tapped Kim's mother on the shoulder to get her attention. She had no problem with lying right to the woman's face. Hey, she lied to her own mother's face whenever she could, so someone else's mother was just an easier target to her. Lying to someone's face made the lie more believable anyway.

"You know how friends are with really stupid inside jokes," Shego began and Ann nodded, so the green-skinned officer knew that she could continue along those lines. "They're always talking about Kimmie being my pet because I don't let her touch anything in the apartment and I yell at her all the time because I hate when she touches my stuff. They're always going on that I scold her like a bad puppy," she explained in a reasonable tone and Ann nodded again.

"No—" Ron was about to object to the whole lie, not quite getting what was going on yet. Luckily, Monique interjected because she understood what Shego was trying to do and she did not even know what was going on.

"Hey, from what we can tell, you do treat her like she's a bad puppy most of the time," Monique added in.

"She's living at my house free of charge. I'll treat her any damn way I jolly well please and she better like it," Shego remarked.

"And she's our friend, so we'll make fun of her any way we jolly well please," Monique countered.

Shego quickly glanced at Mister and Missus Possible to gauge their reaction to the lie and to see if they were buying it. Mister Possible seemed to believe it and he turned his attention back to the grill, but Ann was another story. She was smiling as if she found the exchange amusing, but something in her sky-blue eyes told Shego that she had failed to convince the neurosurgeon completely that Kim being a pet was just an inside joke. At first, the moss-hued female decided that she did not care if Ann did not believe it, but then she remembered who Ann was and that she should care if the redheaded woman believed her or not.

After all, if Ann did not believe the lie, it was almost a given that she would disapprove if she learned the truth. No parent, no sane parent anyway, would want to know that her child was someone's pet, especially if that child was brilliant and had an extremely bright future ahead of her. She would probably attempt to take Kim away from Shego, which the pale woman disliked of course. Her pet was hers and she would not let anybody have her girl, even if they were the kid's parents.

While Shego was worrying about losing her twerp, Monique was getting the lowdown on what happened with Ron from Kim and Yori. The three ladies and Felix then went into telling Ron why it was a bad idea for him to just blurt out that Kim was Shego's pet. He finally understood his mistake and then he offered to make up for it; they all insisted that he not do that, lest he accidentally add to the problem. It was best to let it just die down and fade away, they all decided. They thought that Shego's explanation was good and plausible; anything extra would have been more suspicious than helpful, they concluded.

Everyone then returned to having a good time at the barbeque. Shego actually found herself enjoying a conversation with Monique about certain clothing lines and different styles and materials. They found out that they had some things in common and that they could get along if given the chance.

Felix went to talk to Mister Possible, hoping to work an angle of some kind to find a new job; he would rather do serious scientific work than continue on building robots at an amusement park and his mother just was not helping much. Felix's mother liked to point out that he had a good job and he should take things slowly rather than push for everything immediately. He just felt very passionately about his dreams for developing cybernetic body parts to help people. His mother respected that dream, but she told him to take things slowly to make sure that he had everything he required and that he had everything planned out properly so that when the time came to fulfill his dream, he would be able to do it quickly and correctly. Mister Possible was not much help to Felix finding a new job since there were no openings at the space center and, even if there were, his mother worked there and she would not have been happy to see him wheel his behind in there.

Kim continued to speak with her mother for a few minutes. Ann seemed to let go of the pet issue after Kim assured her mother that it was nothing serious. The hero had not lied per se, but she had not told the whole truth either. After that, she and her mother just did some more catching up.

Ron ate some food, of course, and fooled around with some of the fireworks that Jim and Tim had brought out for the celebration. Kim cautioned her best friend, warning him that all of those rockets were handmade. It seemed that Ron was not paying much attention to Kim because he stayed right where he was, either unaware or not caring that the twins had made all of the fireworks in the garage just yesterday. Yori was also curious about the fireworks, but that only lasted a moment as she figured that being blown up just was not worth the attention; she was the only one to come to that conclusion out of the people looking at the rockets.

The ninja wandered over to Kim and struck up a conversation with her as Ann went to get another chicken kabob. Kim and Yori eventually worked their way to talking about martial arts, as they tended to do when left alone. The discussion turned into a debate, which discussions often did with them, which they felt could be resolved with a demonstration to each other, which was the way they often did when the pair had enough space to do anything. When the pair faced off, it got most of the attention in the backyard because they wondered what was going on with the duo. Yori talked Kim through the attack as she preformed the move and then Kim did the same as she showed Yori how the assault could be countered. They continued on because the more moves that they did, the more they found things that backed up their arguments. Shego eventually got tired of watching the contest and came out of nowhere to drop both of them with a move of her own.

"And that proves you both wrong," the pale woman stated to the girls on the ground. It seemed that she won the argument.

"She does have a point," the Japanese female concurred while contemplating the move that just floored her and the redhead.

"It does shut me up," Kim replied with a small laugh. The pair hopped up to their feet.

"You're pretty good," Yori said to Shego.

"Hey, her mom is Isabel Gooding," the olive-eyed scientist informed her friend.

"Really?" the ninja practically squealed. "She came to my school once."

"Really?" the petite redhead asked incredulously.

"I was little at the time, but I remember it exactly. She came there and beat five recent graduates single-handedly. It was amazing," Yori reported with excitement in her voice.

Shego rolled her eyes and walked away from the hyped up pair. Yori looked at Shego because she did not understand the emerald-eyed woman's reaction. She then turned her attention back to her redheaded friend.

"Did I say something wrong?" the kunoichi asked the hero.

"No, she just doesn't like hearing about her mother. You have got to tell me about this one, though. I want to hear about how she beat five ninjas," Kim insisted.

Yori nodded and eagerly relayed the information that Kim desired. The cookout for the most part was a success. Everyone had a good time; the food was good and the conversations were enjoyable. The fireworks at the end were almost a killer when one failed to go off and the twins were seriously about to go give the explosive a close up inspection. The rocket went off before they made it over to the missile; it also exploded rather than blasted off. The dirt from the lawn was kicked up and smoke covered the backyard.

"Way to go, tweebs. What kind of charges are you using, black powder?" Kim teased while coughing thanks to the dust thrown up by the explosion.

"At least we have rockets," Jim argued while coughing too; everyone was coughing and waving off the smoke.

"Yeah, that explode too soon or too late," Kim countered.

"At least they explode," Tim replied. His sister decided to not debate that issue because she had no idea how to go about arguing that issue. It just was not worth the headache, she decided.

------------------------

Once it was late, everyone retired to where they were supposed to be. Ron and Yori went to his parents' house; they planned to hang out in town for a little while longer. Monique and Felix went to his mother's house; they figured that they would visit her family tomorrow, but his mother's house had more space and that was why they went there. Shego and Kim, of course, went right back to the Possible family guestroom. They were going to go to sleep, but they never could just go to sleep it seemed when they first lay down.

"What do you say we get out of here tomorrow about noon, so we'll have some time to at home to lounge?" Shego proposed while rubbing Kim's shoulder. The redhead was pressed up next to her master as usual. Shego was definitely the best pillow ever made, the younger woman silently concluded.

The green-skinned female actually wanted to get out of the Possible house as soon as they could because she felt that her lie did not convince Ann that Ron was just joking about Kim being her pet. She did not want to give the neurosurgeon the chance to talk to Kim and attempt to get the younger redhead away from Shego. Kim was hers and she was not giving her up, simple as that, but she would rather not go through the annoyance of fighting for her monster.

"Okay," Kim agreed with the plan to leave at noon.

The slim hero did not mind leaving at lunchtime. She had seen her family and enjoyed their company, but she did want to get back home. It was home, after all. She liked having a home, she realized, which explained why she wanted to get back to it.

"Thank you," Kim said out of the blue, as far as the pale woman was concerned, and she kissed her mistress' exposed collar bone.

"For what?" Shego asked curiously, although she was not going to complain about the affection that was just tossed her way.

"Everything," the olive-eyed scholar answered.

"Everything?" It was a lot to be thanked for, Shego believed, especially since she did not know what everything consisted of.

"Yeah, everything," Kim repeated and she leaned up to kiss her mistress on the mouth.

The raven-haired officer accepted the kiss and returned it. Hands started roaming a warm body while tongues danced with each other. Shego pulled away a little when she felt those hands down by her waist.

"Do you really want to do that in a bed that your nana has slept in?" Shego asked because the idea even disturbed her out somewhat.

"Hmm…when we get home?" the petite adventurer requested. She was now put off by the notion of doing anything in the bed except for sleeping.

"We'll see," the green-skinned female answered.

Kim giggled a little bit; she had expected that answer. Her mistress tried so hard to act like she did not care when she touched her, but they both knew that she liked it, enjoyed it, loved it. If she did not like it, she would not allow her little monster to do it and she would not make so much noise when she did allow it. Kim was just glad to be allotted the privilege to do such a thing, even though her master was still a bit shy when it came to returning the favor. The redhead was all right with that; she had no problem with waiting for her owner. She had confidence that one day her mistress would touch her intimately.

"Goodnight, Princess," Shego said while kissing her pet's forehead.

"Goodnight, mistress," Kim replied with a small yawn.

--------(Next day)

Shego was sitting in the Possible family living room. She was waiting for Kim; the hero's parents wanted to have a word alone with her. Well, it was more like her mother wanted to speak with her and James had to be present. Shego bet that it had something to do with her little monster being her little monster. She hoped that no problems came up, although she did think that it was odd that Ann waited until she and Kim were about to leave to want to have a talk. She tried not to think too much on it, but she did think on it.

Maybe Ann was going to try to talk Kim into staying. Maybe she thought that Shego would get impatient and just leave the younger redhead. Fat chance, Shego scoffed mentally. She was not leaving without her munchkin. There was just no way to get rid of her unless she had her dearest pet with her.

"So, what's it like being Kim's girlfriend?" Jim asked as he and Tim decided to bother Shego; well, that was how she looked at it anyway. They had come out of nowhere and they had taken her from her thoughts, she knew that much.

The boys were curious about the woman that their big sister was shacked up with in a very dangerous city so far from home and that was there reason for going over to Shego. They figured since she was alone, they could get some information out of her without having to worry about Kim yelling at them. They obviously did not know Shego if they thought that they were going to get anything out of her.

"She's not my girlfriend," the pale woman answered, which surprised the twins.

"No? Then what is she?" Tim inquired, thinking that he was trapping the officer. He and his double did not see what else Shego could possibly be to their sister. She was allowing Kim to live her and she was not charging Kim any rent. It sounded like two lovers cohabitating together.

"She's my pet," the moss-hued woman answered in a plain, humorless tone. The boys laughed until they realized that she was being very serious.

"Yeah, right. Like our sister would ever be someone's pet," they both scoffed.

Shego shrugged; they did not need to believe her. Kim was her pet, plain and simple. Things were like that and for the sake of her sanity, she believed that things had to stay like that. She just would not be able to function properly without her precious Kimmie and she would not be as content with life as she was at the moment. That was why she had to keep her pet, even if Kim's parents had something to say about it.

----------------------

Kim was sitting in the kitchen with her parents. The doctors Possible were sitting at one end of the table with their daughter at the other end. The slender hero was not certain, but she could guess what the conversation was going to be about. To be honest, she did not think it was any of the parents' business, but she did not say that out loud. It was her life, after all, and she was happy; that should be enough for them, especially since she was not doing anything negative. She figured that they had other ideas, though since they were about to have a conversation on the matter.

"Kimmie, what Ron said about you being Shego's pet…it was true, wasn't it?" Ann asked. She knew the answer, but she wanted her daughter to confirm or deny it; she would prefer that Kim deny it.

"For the most part, but it's a very complex issue," Kim answered honestly. She tried her best to never lie to her folks, not because she was not very good at it, but because they were her parents and she respected them.

"Kimmie-cub, we didn't raise you to be someone's pet," her father declared, as if there were parents out there that raised their children specifically to be someone's pet.

"I know, Dad," the redheaded scientist replied.

"What did he mean when he said that you were a pet? Is this some sort of…sexual thing?" Ann asked while hoping that she was not getting too personal. She really did not want to find out that her daughter was into some kind of kinky sex game.

"No, it's nothing like that," Kim answered. Yes, she was now allowed to touch Shego and pleasure Shego, but her being a pet was much more than some sexual thing and that was only a recent addition to the relationship.

"Well then, what is it? You said it was complex, how so?" her mother inquired. She was relieved to know that the petite redhead was not into some strange sexual exploit with Shego.

"It's a really long story," the hero replied.

"Have you been her pet since you're living with her?" the neurosurgeon asked. She was afraid to hear the answer. Between Kim and the twins, she was glad that they did not have any more children because those three had enough surprises to last several lifetimes.

"I have," Kim confirmed.

"Kimmie," her parents sighed simultaneously. See, just way too many surprises and that was only from Kim.

"Okay, let me explain this before you have heart attacks over an issue that is so not the drama," Kim said.

The slender adventurer went into telling the story of how it all began. How she went to Go City, planning to just say hi to Ron, Yori, and Monique and then she was going to go about her business. She did not know where she was going to go about her business to, but she did not plan to stay in Go City that much was certain. She was not going to stay more than a couple of days and that was only if she was not going to be in her friends' way. And then, as luck would have it, she wandered by a jewelry store that was being burglarized, and being the upstanding citizen that she was, she had gone to halt the illegal activity only to run into three other problems aside for the thieves. She explained as best she could about how Team Impossible had drugged her, allowed her to be beaten up rather badly, and then abandoned her in a box, as fate would have it, right outside of Shego's building.

"Why didn't you tell us that when it happened?" Ann asked, interrupting the story. Kim was actually surprised that she was able to make it to being placed into the box because she expected her parents to stop her when she hurried through the fact that she was drugged.

"Because it was no big, mostly because they dropped me in front of Shego's house. She fed me, bandaged me, and let me stay at her house for the night. She even gave me money, mostly trying to get rid of me on that last one," Kim explained. It was no big and she had not told them because they always worried when she could take care of herself. She did not want to supply them with reasons to be concerned for her.

"How did you end up becoming her pet?" James inquired.

"Well, she offered. She was trying to kick me out of house, I think. She probably brought up the idea as a joke, but I accepted and she couldn't back down," the hero answered with a laugh; now that she knew her mistress, she knew that it would have been impossible for the older woman to admit that she was only joking back when she first made the proposal of being her pet. It was hard to believe where one insincere offer had gotten her and Shego.

"Why would you accept the offer to be someone's pet?" her mother inquired in a tone that showed she just did not understand. She was so bewildered by it all, as was her husband. They disliked it even more than it bemused them.

"Well, I wanted to pay her back. She was really nice to me and she didn't have any reason to be that way. I mean, she even helped me wash my hair while my hand was injured. She was totally kind to me and I wanted to get the chance to pay her back somehow," the adventurer answered.

"So, you became her pet?" her parents asked incredulously. What kind of reasoning did their daughter use to get her to agree to be someone's pet to repay acts of kindness? They could only hope that she did not do the same or similar things for everyone that was nice to her.

Kim sighed. "It's hard to explain, but it was the only way that she'd let me into her life for me to eventually be able to repay her. Besides, she provided me with a living area and everything. I wish I could prove that it's not as bad as it sounds, but you're just going to have to take my word on it. I mean, I offer Shego companionship in exchange of food, shelter, and comfort. We're not doing anything weird or wrong with each other. I promise you that it's nothing bad," the girl vowed.

"Then why call it being a pet? Why not friends or roommates or anything else?" her mother inquired.

"Well, I guess we are friends and roommates and things like that. But, it's deeper than that. I know I can't explain this really weird level that she and I are on, but it's very deep. I guess we just say I'm a pet because that's how it all started," Kim reasoned.

"So, you're not really a pet?" James asked.

The redheaded scholar's brow furrowed a bit. She would not go as far as to proclaim that she was no longer a pet because she was still a pet. She was just a pet that was in love with her mistress and capable of showing that in a not-at-all inappropriate manner since she was human too.

"I just don't know how else to put what I am when it comes to Shego," Kim admitted.

"I don't see why you have to put it in such a way, though," Ann argued.

"I don't know how else to put it. I started out as her pet and even though a lot of things have happened to us from then to now, we still just say I'm her pet. She's very good to me. She makes sure I eat at least two full meals a day, I have a bed to sleep in every night, if I need anything, she comes through for me, and she makes sure that I'm doing something with my brain. She's just really good to me. I don't know what else to say," Kim stated.

The redhead doubted her inability to explain just how her relationship with Shego worked was helping to ease her parents' worry. She did not want them to be concerned about her because she was in good hands. Her mistress cared for her and about her. She wished that her parents would just accept it since she was happy with it.

The doctors Possible, though extremely intelligent people, could not understand what their daughter had done with her life. How could she be a pet and then sit there and tell them about it as if it was normal? It was not normal behavior, even for Kim. Still, they sat there and tried to wrap their minds around the notion. They argued with her over the idea of her being someone's pet and attempted to explain why it was a position that no one should allow themselves to be placed in.

---------------------

Shego and Kim went to the car and were set to return home. Shego noticed that her mini-monster looked slightly depressed. The moss-hued woman gave Kim some time to sulk to herself because she thought that sometimes people needed a chance to be down. She then reached over and lovingly petted her mischievous elf.

"What happened, monster? What did they say?" Shego asked her pet. She was glad that they were returning home together without a fight from the Possibles, but she could see that her girl had not come away unscathed.

"Nothing. They accepted this," Kim answered in somewhat of a mumble.

"I've noticed you've got a problem with this whole 'acceptance' thing. Isn't it good that they accepted it, like they accepted your bisexuality?" Shego inquired.

"Yeah, they accepted it, but it's just that I want them to not see those things as bad things. I want them to understand that there's nothing wrong with those things. I tried to tell them about what it means for me to be your pet, so they could at least understand that it's not as bad as it sounds, but all they hear is the word 'pet,' which they equate with something negative. I don't want them to think like that," the scientist explained.

Kim had sat in the kitchen with her parents for over an hour discussing her status as a pet and they just could not see eye to eye on the issue. No matter what she said, it was almost like they did not hear it. It seemed like quite a few times when she made decisions in life, they did not hear what her decisions were.

"We could always switch your title," Shego suggested as a joke, hoping to lift her munchkin's spirits.

"Oh, can I be the master now?" Kim asked with a smile, trying to cheer up. She was with her mistress and her parents had accepted that. It was a step in the right direction, so there was no need to be down about it.

"Fine you can be the master, but I am now the all-powerful controller of the universe and you have to refer to me as that," the green-skinned woman declared.

"How about you stick to being the master and I stick to being the pet then?" Kim proposed. There was no way that she was addressing anyone, even Shego, as the all-powerful controller of the universe. It was too many words.

"That's a brilliant idea, Holmes! By Jove, you are a genius," Shego teased with an enthused smile on her face for once.

------------------

Next time: Josh makes his return.


	27. Gag Twenty Seven: The leash is off

I don't own these characters and I don't own this premise. I also don't own Yojimbo or Akira Kurosawa.

Also, I made up Leonardo's dog breed, just in case anyone cares.

Gag Twenty-seven: The leash is off

_I don't know what's up with my girl and the way that she sleeps. She's like a rock when she hits the living room. Now, of course, I think it's very cute and everything, but I don't see how she can sleep so hard. But, then again, I don't see how she can do a lot of things._

Kim was laid out on the living room floor of her home like a drown victim in a pool. She had rolled off of the sofa and failed to wake up after the crash onto the mint green carpet. She had had a rough few days with her missions, her work (as ambiguous as that was when it came to the slim scholar), and pet-related things. She needed a bit of rest and it seemed as if she was going to get just what she required until she heard that familiar beeping noise. She groaned.

"Come on, Wade. Cut me a little break. I'm only human too," the tired hero begged the air as she stirred from her sleep.

The redhead reached into her pocket, noting the cushion underneath her felt nothing like leather. She glanced to her side and finally noticed that she had fallen off of the couch; she decided that she did not care where she was as long as she was still in the apartment. She shook her head as she grabbed her Kimmunicator.

"What's the sitch?" Kim answered the device while trying her best to hold in a yawn; it would be very rude to yawn in the middle of a communication.

"Hey, Kimbo," Josh greeted the adventurer.

"Oh, hey, Josh. What's up?" she inquired.

"Nothing much. I just need your help as usual," he informed her.

"You only call me when you need help," Kim pretended to whine. She actually did not care that he only called her when he wanted something from her. She doubted that she would lose sleep if he never called her again and she did not mean that in a harsh way. He was friend and everything, but she hardly ever thought about him now. There was no need to think about him.

Josh laughed. "You're right," he admitted. Sometimes, it just did not occur to him to hang out with Kim because they were friends. It did not connect in his brain to hang out with a girl that was not looking to sleep with him much of the time and even though he tried to change Kim's mind, he knew that the trim scholar was not interested in sleeping with him.

"What can I help you with?" the redhead inquired, not bothering to sit up, even though she was laid out on the floor. She did not feel like moving unless it was absolutely necessary, so the apartment would have to be on fire to make her move from where she was.

"School as usual," he answered. It came in very handy to know a genius, he quietly noted. He wondered how other people coped with classes without a genius a phone call away.

"What do you mean? Didn't you graduate?" she asked. Ron, Yori, and Monique had all graduated, so she assumed that Josh had also. Well, she reminded herself to stop assuming things.

"No, not yet. I still need to take a math class," he reported to her.

"And you need me to tutor you?" she guessed. He would not be talking about school if he did not require her assistance in the course.

"Well, if not just do the whole class for me," he joked. Well, it was not really a joke, but since he knew that she would not go through with it, he made it sound like he was trying to be funny.

"Let's start with tutoring," she commented. She might be a classified genius, but she was not addicted to school to the point where she wanted to do other people's work along with her own.

"All right. Sounds doable," he remarked.

"And you can't use the word 'doable' while we do it," she said.

"As long as we do it," he teased her.

"Keep it up and you'll be handling yourself," she shot back in a calm tone.

"Come on, Kimbo. Don't be so cruel when you know you love me," he quipped and she knew that he was smiling, even though they were on the phone. She could just tell from his tone and he was, in fact, smiling.

"Anyway, what kind of math are you doing?" she inquired to get back on track. She would like to get back to her nap sometime soon.

"I don't know. The hard kind," he replied.

"Real descriptive there, Josh. Did you have to buy a book?" she asked while making sure not to yawn on him because that would be rude, even though it was rude of him to keep her from her precious and well deserved nap.

"Yes," he answered.

"Well, did you buy it yet?" she asked.

"I usually wait for the semester to start before buying the books for classes," he explained.

"Well, I can't help you much if I don't know what you're doing. Buy the book and then get back to me," Kim instructed him. While he was buying the book, she would get back to her nap.

"Fine, but I don't make it a point to buy the book before needing it," the artist argued.

"Well, you need it if you want my help," she pointed out. Did he think that she was going to get an idea of the math that he was doing through telepathy?

"Ah, and that would be why you're the genius and I'm not," he stated.

"You don't apply yourself. Buy the book and then call me back," she told him.

"Gotcha, Kimbo."

"And stop calling me Kimbo."

"I've been watching Yojimbo all day, so my brain is just screwing everything up lately and your name fits that so well," he explained with a bit of a laugh.

"Well, take a break from all of Akira Kurosawa then," the hero ordered him in a teasing tone.

"I can't. I'm caught up. It's inspiring some work too."

"What are you, painting samurai portraits or something?" she teased.

Josh laughed. "It would be a change from painting you naked," he countered.

"You wish that you ever painted me naked," she replied with a scoff.

"You're right, I do wish." Once again, she knew that he was smiling as he spoke and he was doing just that.

"Just go back to work. I've got something to take care of too," Kim said.

The friends bid each other farewell and Kim easily went back to sleep right on the floor. Shego came in later and found her pet knocked out on the living room floor. The emerald-eyed female sighed and shook her head while wondering if things would always be as they were. Would she always come into either a hug or just a tired redhead sleeping peacefully in the living room? At the moment, she hoped so. She wondered if other pet owners were like that as she gathered her munchkin in her arms and put her on the sofa. She kissed Kim on the forehead before going to get comfortable around the house.

---------(New day)

"Come on, Leo!" Betty called through her house for her dog.

Leonardo trotted out to his master with his leash in his mouth and that earned him a big hug when he was next to his master. Betty scratched his neck too and he licked her in the face to show his affection; she allowed him to do such things. She muttered that he was a good boy as she took the leash from him and attached it to his collar.

"Come on, boy. Let's go for our morning run," the one-eyed woman commented and he barked in agreement it seemed.

Betty did a morning run with her large dog every day to keep them both in shape. Leonardo always seemed happy just being with Betty, begging for her attention in some way or another most of the time when she was around. She tended to oblige him, cuddling him and things such as that. Hey, he was loyal, loving, faithful companion; by that definition, he was a very good pet, which was why Betty felt guilty that she could not take him out more often. Aside for their morning run, the best that she could usually do was let him roam around the backyard. But, every now and then, she did get a spare moment to take him to the park to just run around like a big, crazy dog, which he was. His favorite activity, ironically enough, was playing Frisbee.

"Go get it, boy," Betty said as she flung the plastic disc into an open area of Run Park.

Leonardo dashed off after the toy with zeal like always. He seemed very happy to be out of the house with his mistress. He returned the Frisbee quickly, almost as hastily as a certain other pet would. Leonardo waited for Betty to take the toy from him and then he rolled around in front of her as a way to inform his master that he wanted her to throw the disc again. She obliged him and he shot after the Frisbee again.

Betty actually detested playing Frisbee. It was an annoying, pointless activity as far as she was concerned. She only did it because Leo liked it so much and he needed the exercise. He was a big dog and very energetic to make matters worse. She did not want him to become overweight, but she could not keep up with him sometimes. He trotted back with the Frisbee and went into his routine all over again to get her to throw the toy again. The one-eyed woman did not disappoint and she flung the disc for him.

The brunette female liked seeing Leonardo so hyped up and joyful. She wished that she could take him out more often than she did so that she could see him so peppy more often. The best that she could do was play with him when they were in the house and sometimes she was too tired to be an active participant in that. Much of the time, Leonardo did not seem to mind when she was tired. He could entertain himself by trying to get her off of the couch or out of the bed. She usually could muster enough energy to throw a ball for him a few times, which he seemed to appreciate. He was not a hard dog to keep cheerful.

"Leonardo!" Betty called when she felt that her dog had been gone for too long. It should not take him more than a couple of minutes to bring back a Frisbee.

Leonardo was an odd dog, though. He liked to wander off. She typically kept him on a leash because he had a problem with following strange things, like bags blowing in the wind or butterflies. He generally stopped when she ordered him to, but if he was off the leash and roaming free, it was harder to get him to heel. She decided to go look for him, even though he always came back on his own once his was done being a weird dog.

"Leonardo!" she beckoned her pet again.

Betty began scanning the area for her canine. She wondered where he could have gotten to. He was such a loopy dog, she thought. And then she spotted Leonardo; the big, fat traitor had the nerve to be allowing some man to pet him. Betty frowned; how dare some guy just pet her dog? No way that she was going to just let that happen.

"Leonardo!" Betty barked and the dog recognized that tone.

The large beast returned to his mistress' side and he rolled over onto his back, showing her his belly, to avoid getting in trouble. Betty rolled her eye; Leonardo was such a pitiful creature. He was always looking to get out of trouble by acting like a submissive puppy. She pretended to ignore the dog to punish him and she turned her attention to the man that had been petting her dog, noticing that he had two dogs of his own.

The man was a charming looking fellow, not outstandingly handsome, but good-looking nonetheless. He was dressed in some rather dashing clothing with a slick little mustache on his face. His complexion was a rich, milk chocolate. His ebony hair was combed back and he was half-smiling.

"Are you the owner of this chappi?" he asked Betty in a surprisingly high-pitched voice. She was shocked by the sound of his voice for a second.

"Chappi?" she echoed in a puzzled tone. She was not sure what he was talking about.

"The dog," he replied while nodding toward Leonardo, who was trying his best to put the Frisbee in his master's hand, so she could throw it again undoubtedly. The dog was unaware that he was being punished and that was why she was not taking the toy.

"Oh," Betty nodded. "A chappi?" she repeated still. She was confused and her face showed it.

"It's his breed name. They're very rare. Much more rare than my Lithuanian wolf hounds," he explained while rubbing the heads of his two dogs.

"Wait, he has a breed?" she asked. The vet kept swearing to the moon that Leonardo was just some freak mix. What was the world coming to when a dog owner could not even trust the vet to know what was going on with her dog?

"Yes, the breed is called chappi. I know someone looking to breed more of them. Do you think that you could be of some assistance?" he requested.

"What?" Betty inquired because the conversation was getting very weird very quickly.

"Oh, I'm sorry. That had to seem awkward. We've only just met and I'm proposing breeding. Sorry again. I'm Falsetto Jones. I've just got a deep love for dogs and I run a dog show once a year. Only a handful of people have ever entered the chappi breed, but I do know someone hoping to breed his dog. Your dog looks like he would make a fine partner. What's his name? What's your name for that matter?" he asked with a small smile, appearing rather non-threatening.

"Elizabeth Director. My friends call me Betty. He's Leonardo," she replied.

"Lovely names for both of you. One named for a great genius and the other a great queen. He is a beautiful dog. I'm sure you take the utmost care of him. He is rather large, even for a chappi," Falsetto commented. He was willing to bet that she took great care of her dog because he was so large, yet obviously healthy.

"You seem to know a lot about Leo," Betty noted.

"Well, I'm something of a dog expert. You've probably taken him to the vet and even the vet didn't know what he was," he remarked. He was aware that such a thing had happened to his friend.

"That's true," she admitted.

"Yes, most people assume that his breed died out or they just don't even know about them because of how rare they are. They do have a fascinating history. They were first bred to hunt dragons, which is why they grow so large and have such big paws," he said and the information might have bored some people, but Betty was interested. She was now a dog lover thanks to her pet.

"Big body and paws to hold dragons?" she asked with a tiny laugh. It was funny to hear and she pictured Leonardo holding a mythical dragon in his grip.

"They're a very ancient breed and people thought there were dragons about back then. Their nickname is the dragon hound. They were mostly used for work, though since it was hard to find a dragon for them to hunt. They were used to pull carts and that sort of thing," he explained.

Betty found herself fascinated with the dog expert and continued to speak with Falsetto. She worked past his very unusual voice and walked around the park with him as they continued to hold a conversation, which did move away from dogs after a while. As they traveled through the park, Betty happened to glance upon a familiar pair on a bench. She spotted Kim and Josh, looking rather cozy in her opinion.

------------------

Kim groaned; Josh could not be as stupid as he was playing at the moment. He had gone out and purchased the book that he required for his class, so she was tutoring him. He did not seem to be getting anything out of it and the work seemed so simple to Kim. He argued that it seemed simple to her because she was a math whiz while he was nothing of the sort. He might have had a point or he might have been messing around; she was not sure which, but she was leaning toward the latter because she knew Josh fairly well.

"It's such a nice day, Kim. We should go do some blading," the artist suggested, dropping his arm around her bare shoulders; things like that were what made her consider that he was just messing around.

She was wearing a tank-top, so it was easy for him to touch her and to annoy her; it just had to be hot that day to make her throw on that shirt, she thought with a sigh. She should have known better than to wear a tank-top while hanging around Josh. She might as well show up nude to his house while she was at it, she silently berated herself.

"Josh, do you want my help?" the redhead inquired while moving his arm from resting on her.

"You know I do," Josh answered.

"Then act like it," she stated.

Josh sighed and allowed Kim to go into explaining the first page of the math book. He was not really listening to her; he was mostly staring at her chest. A bead of sweat caused by the heat of the day ran down her neck right into the valley of her breasts. It was like he could not help staring at her; things were going on down there and catching his attention. He just had to look.

The artist remembered when he used to be with her and having his arm hooked around her slender, little waist. He recalled holding, touching the flesh that he was eyeing at the moment. She had been just enough, a handful. A handful was all he needed and her size fit her perfectly.

"Josh," Kim sighed because she could see that she did not have his attention, at least not in the manner that she wanted it.

"Hmm?" he asked.

"Having fun?"

"Uh-huh."

"Staring at my chest?" she finished her inquiry.

"Uh-huh," he answered in a dazed tone.

"Damn it, Josh!" she huffed and that brought him back to reality. She would have hit him with the math book if only she were not so certain that she would not be able to stop hitting him once she started.

"Sorry," he apologized.

"Are you going to take this seriously or what?" she inquired.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Totally," he promised.

"Really?" she pressed because if he was just going to sit there and stare at her breasts, she was going to go home into some air condition and sleep on the sofa. It was just too hot to be fooling around with him.

"Yeah," he answered.

"Then pay attention," she commanded.

Josh nodded. He could not believe that he was being bossed around by a woman wearing a collar that dubbed her "Pumpkin." He also could not believe how much of a turn-on it was. Man, it was so sexy to be bossed around by a woman in a collar and he really would have liked to have a little romp with her in the bushes behind them at that very moment. He doubted that she would go for that, though.

"Josh, are you paying attention?" Kim asked with another sigh. Ah, she should just go home, her mind urged her.

"Yeah, totally," he lied. He had no idea what she was going on about. He barely had a clue that they were even supposed to be discussing math.

"We're going to stop if you don't actually pay attention," she informed him.

"Gotcha. I'm totally here," he vowed and he finally began paying attention to Kim because he really did need her help in the math, if only a little bit.

As Josh listened to Kim explain things, he seemed to just realize how intelligent she was. She tackled everything that he did not want to bother with trying with her usual confidence, but she went through it so easily that it seemed like it was nothing to her. Most of the time, he assumed that school work was nothing for her. And then a very brand new thought hit him as he realized her intelligence, it was extremely sexy. He could not believe it, but brains were sexy. It had taken many women for him to get to that conclusion. He was then hit by an old thought; Kim was sexy.

"Hey, Kim, let's go get some lunch," Josh suggested after a half-hour session of tutoring that he hardly soaked up because he was just thinking about his tutor.

"Already?" she asked.

"Yeah, I get this pretty well and you know if we go too long, you lose me anyway," he replied. He did get it enough to bear through it, so there was no need to sit there anymore in his opinion. They needed to get some place with some air condition.

The redhead laughed a little. "You make a good point, but I don't have any money," she admitted with a sheepish smile. Her mistress had left her some money, but she had forgotten it on the nightstand. She did not think that she needed it anyway since there was food at the apartment. She figured that she could just eat when she got home.

"You never have any money. I'm actually a bit broke myself. But, I've got enough to get us some pizza. Good enough?" he inquired.

"Pizza is always good," she answered.

The pair got up from the park bench and Josh put his math book away into his dark blue messenger bag. They walked off toward a pizza shop while discussing when their next tutoring session would be. They also talked about where they should do the tutoring next time. They opted on the park again because it was neutral ground and he was less likely to goof off outside. As they made their way to the pizza parlor, they walked by a pair; Kim failed to notice that one of the people in the duo was Doctor Director. She was still with Falsetto Jones.

"Leo is very well-trained," Falsetto commented as he and Betty watched Leonardo wrestle with his dogs over the Frisbee. Leonardo was doing fairly well against two dogs since the pair of them equaled about one of him.

"Not really," Betty replied. Leonardo was just a big baby that was always whining for something or another, she thought. She was willing to bet that the only reason the dog listened was because he was so dependent on her for food, water, and he needed someone with thumbs to throw that stupid Frisbee.

"Well, he responds well to you," Falsetto amended is statement. So far, he liked hanging around Betty because of the things that she said about Leonardo. She had a good sense of humor as far as he was concerned and he would not mind spending some more time with her, without the dogs.

"He'd better," she remarked; it was things like that he thought were amusing. She did feed that furry monster and give him everything else that he needed, so he had better listen to her. The medical bills alone were enough for the huge beast to better listen to everything that she said to him.

Falsetto chuckled a bit. "You seem like such a stern person, which is good for a dog. So, would it be forward of me to request that you join me for dinner?" he asked. He would not mind being in her company for a while longer that day, maybe even more days.

"Dinner?" she echoed in a surprised tone. She really had not seen that request coming.

"We could discuss the possibility of you breeding Leonardo with my friend's dog," he added, thinking that she would not accept unless he offered up some excuse for her to join him.

"I suppose," she considered.

"I know a few places around here. I'm sure that we could find something to talk about and occupy our time," he commented. The places that he had in mind were not really places to discuss dog breeding, but if that was what she wanted to converse about, he would oblige her.

Betty thought on the offer. She was having an all right time with Falsetto, but she considered that could be because of the dogs. She did think that she could use some human company that was not pale green and snippy. She needed to take a chance and do something different.

"Where would you like to go?" the one-eyed woman asked.

Falsetto smiled. "For a moment, I thought you were going to make me beg and I doubt I could do it as well as Leonardo," he remarked. She could not help smiling in return.

--------------------

Next time: Shego finds out about Falsetto and Josh.


	28. Gag Twenty Eight: Back and forth

I don't own these characters and I don't own this premise. I also don't own Akira Kurosawa. I don't own the play Cats. There are so many things in this world I don't own.

The name Dahntay appears in this chapter and is pronounced just like "Dante."

Gag Twenty-eight: Back and forth

_I don't know why I always give in and tutor Josh when I know that more than half of the time he's just going to goof off. I have no problem with helping him, even if he doesn't need help as much as he would like me to believe, but I wish that he could pretend to take it seriously. I mean, this is my time. I could be using my time for something else, like lying in Shego's lap._

Shego was a little nervous and maybe even a bit frightened. It took a lot to make her feel apprehensive; it usually took her mother lurking about to make her feel that way. Well, why was she feeling that way without her mother even being in the same state as she was? Betty was smiling, really smiling. Shego would have been less shocked to see a unicorn playing tennis than the sight that she was witnessing now.

"Look, if you want me to be able to eat, you're going to have to stop creeping me out. So, stop smiling," Shego ordered her friend. They were supposed to be eating lunch, but Betty was showing signs of happiness and the pale woman thought that she might violently retch if she even touched her food.

"Am I smiling?" the one-eyed woman asked in a surprised tone. She had no idea about the pleasant expression on her face or the joyful look in her onyx eye.

"Yeah, so cut it out or I'm calling the main office to get you tested for drugs," the green-skinned female declared and she was serious. Her friend was not one to show that she was gleeful, so something was up for her to be sitting there and smiling up a storm.

"I'm not on drugs," Doctor Director argued in a slightly offended tone. Her on drugs? The very idea was an affront to her and if her employee continued to state such things, they were going to have to fight right there in the street.

"Then what the hell are you smiling about?" the pale woman inquired. She really could not think of anything aside from drugs that might make her friend look so jovial for the moment.

"Oh…um…well…" Betty fumbled nervously for words and Shego knew that behavior, even though she had not seen it in years.

"You bitch, you met a guy, didn't you?" the emerald-eyed female asked with a bit of a teasing smirk on her face.

"Yes," Betty sighed. She gave herself away so easily when it came to Shego, but at least the same thing was true of her young friend.

"All right, all right, out with it. What's his name, rank, and serial number?" the moss-hued officer remarked. It was a bit of an inside joke because Betty had a weakness, as far as her good buddy was concerned, for service men. Even in high school, she always fell for guys in the junior ROTC program; Shego failed to see the attraction.

"His name is Dahntay Jones," the brunette female answered.

"Dahntay Jones?" Shego echoed in a puzzled voice. She was silent for a moment, trying to remember where she had heard that name before. "Wait, does he usually go by the name Falsetto Jones?" she inquired.

"Yeah, why? Do you know him?" the older woman asked.

Shego only looked at her friend with a perplexed expression on her face. It appeared that she was contemplating on telling her boss just what she knew and she was doing just that. Betty did not give her much time to consider things.

"Spill," the chief ordered.

"He's a thief," Shego answered with a shrug.

"What? He told me he ran a dog show," the one-eyed female said. Great, just when she met a man that was not in the military and could make her smile, even when he was not around, he had to turn out to be a criminal. Of course, she sighed to herself. Damn it.

"Well, maybe he does. I guess I shouldn't say he is a thief. It could be like saying I'm a thief. Back when I was a thief, he was one too," the green-skinned officer corrected herself.

"Well, that was like ten years ago," the one-eyed woman argued. She hoped that he was no longer a thief. If Shego could reform then anyone could reform, right? She hoped that was the case.

"Yeah, I know, which is why I corrected myself," the younger woman pointed out. It was part of why she corrected herself anyway. She did that because she really did not want to discourage her comrade if the man made Betty as happy as she appeared. The older woman deserved some happiness in life and if he provided that, Shego was not going to try to steal it from her friend until the man proved to be wrong for Betty.

"So, that's the only way that you know him?" the boss inquired.

"Well, yes and no. He is the one that made me reconsider my chosen career," Shego commented.

"Really?" Betty had to hear that story. After all, Isabel threatening Shego was not enough to make the moss-hued female rethink the vocation that she entered, namely that of cat-burglar. Shego had made her decision and it seemed like nothing would change that. And then, one day, she returned to Go City a somewhat changed woman, ready to work on the right side of the law. No one could figure out why.

"Okay, do you know why his voice is like that?" the emerald-eyed female asked.

"No, what happened?" Doctor Director inquired.

"There was a freak helium accident," Shego informed her friend.

"And what does that have to do with you?" Betty asked curiously.

"Helium, under the right conditions, goes like fucking nuclear or something. I didn't know there was so much gas in the damn room when I went in and then I lit up my hands because I thought I heard a noise. Turns out, I was hearing his problems in one room and causing my own in that one. So, while he was in one room losing his Barry White voice as a trade in for the Mickey Mouse one he's working with now, I was being blown through about eight ceilings and one thick ass roof. I landed in a tree like fifty yards away from this very sweet target," Shego explained.

Shego had actually been apprehensive about igniting her hands for almost half-a-year after that incident, but there was no way that she was sharing that information. It was just that whenever she was about to use her powers, she remembered being blown up and how horrible the experience was. She had been so lucky to make it out of that blast alive and then she had been lucky to limp her injure behind to the nearest doctor, who was luckily competent. She wished that she could forget that the thing ever happened.

"Bad night had by all, huh?" Betty quipped.

"I've always stood by the fact that it could have been worse. I could've landed on a rock or a fence. I mean, imagine giving my eulogy after I was killed by helium," the green-skinned female remarked.

"I'd leave it to the twins if that was the case. No, wait, you would've been killed by helium. I would've jumped on that one," the brunette female replied with a bit of a chuckle. The idea was tickling, even if it did involve her dearest friend dying in a freak accident.

"I know you would've. I had nearly been killed by helium. Freaky shit like that had to be a sign, I thought, so I figured that it was about time for me to take you up on your shitty offer," the emerald-eyed officer stated.

"My offer was better than being blown up by helium," Betty agreed. It was sad that her proposal had to be compared to a bizarre accident, though.

"Yeah, so if that thing changed my life, maybe it changed his too," Shego reasoned.

The chief nodded. "I hope so. I mean, he was good company," she admitted.

"Good to know and now that you're not smiling anymore, I'm going to eat," the younger woman announced as she bit into her sandwich.

"You're a whore," Betty commented. She should have known that Shego was just being a pest and looking to ruin her mood.

"I try my best," Shego replied with a cruel smirk.

The brunette boss smirked in return; she figured that she would show her friend the same courtesy. "You know, when I was meeting Dahntay in the park and I was walking around with him, I saw Princess. The little brat was with her artist buddy that you love so much," the one-eyed woman informed her friend and there went Shego's expression; her look dropped like the temperature in the desert at night. The super-powered woman scowled.

"The fuck was she doing with him?" the moss-hued woman demanded to know. She almost spit her sandwich out to hear that news.

"I don't know. I didn't stop to ask, but they looked mighty cozy sitting on a park bench together," Doctor Director replied.

"Son of a bastard."

Well, Betty knew that Shego was going to be busy thinking about her pet now, so the raven-haired pest would not have time to bother her about Falsetto. She was going to find out if he was still a thief because she did not want to get in too deep if he was. She genuinely liked him. He was intelligent, thoughtful, and he knew a lot about dogs. He was cultured and a gentleman through and through. She wanted to get to know him better, if he was not a criminal anyway. Well, it was time to put her abilities to work while Shego was occupied with worrying about her brat.

-----------------------

Shego was going to punch something; either her pet or that annoying artist kid. It was probably going to have to be her pet because she was likely to see her monster long before she saw that art bum again. But, she was actually angrier with that artist than with her pet, so really it would not be fair to slug her munchkin, right? Well, she did not really deal in fairness. That settled it; her little monster was going down. Yet, when she came into the apartment and was greeted with her usual hug, she could not bring herself to sock the kid in her big apple head.

"Welcome home!" Kim grinned.

"Get off of me!" Shego barked while trying to pry her clingy elf off of her. Sure, she liked the hugs, but they were still annoying.

"Only if you make spaghetti for dinner," the redhead bargained. They had not had pasta for so long and she was craving it so much that she could taste it.

"Don't make me kill you!" Shego hollered at her annoyance of a pet. She was not going to bargain with a creature that she owned.

Kim continued to cling to her mistress, even though death threats continued to be dished out. Shego forgot that she was even upset with the little pest over the artist bum because of all of the playing around. They had a normal evening for them until the Kimmunicator began beeping. Shego did not care at first, thinking that it was one of Kim's goofy friends.

"Kimbo," Josh greeted the redheaded hero.

"Josh, if you keep watching Akira Kurosawa movies, I'm going to be forced to stop talking to you," Kim joked.

"I just like saying that actually. It's a good nickname," he reported with a laugh.

"Not really. Okay, so what's the sitch?" she inquired.

"Let's move tomorrow's session to an hour later, okay?" he requested.

"Sounds good. Care to share why?" she asked.

"I just ran out of indigo paint, so I'm going to need to go buy some art supplies first. With the way public transportation works in this city, I'm just making sure I don't have you on a park bench all by your lonesome for a long time," he explained.

"How sweet," she commented and that earned her a glare that she missed from her mistress.

"Yeah, so an hour later. Cool?"

"Totally. Catch you later then."

"Bye," he said and they disconnected the call.

"Hanging out with art boy again?" Shego inquired, trying her best not to sound upset by that fact; she was somewhat succeeding. She was sitting on the sofa and Kim was on the floor with a puzzle. She figured that she was going to have to go out and find something more challenging than puzzles because her mini-monster could easily bust down a regular puzzle.

"Tutoring him," Kim answered.

"Is he really this fucking stupid?" the pale woman asked in disbelief. She did not think that a college student should need tutoring. She really just wished that her munchkin did not hang around a boy that was only looking to having the girl eating a pillow.

"He likes to pretend that he is," the redhead replied.

"And you just put up with that?" the green-skinned woman asked. She did not see why her girl put up with a front when she knew it was a front and she knew what the penniless traitor wanted from her.

"In case he's not pretending," Kim replied. There was a chance that now, or just one day, Josh really would need tutoring in something or he just might really require her assistance. Maybe he was not acting, so she took the chance and tutored him whenever he asked.

"I don't get why you even give a damn about the kid. Leave him to be a fucking piss-ant," Shego commented. She knew that she would feel a lot better if her pet would stop hanging around the boy. She was not so nervous that her pet might do something with the bum, but that the bum might try to something to her pet.

Kim shrugged. "He's my friend," was her simple response.

"That screwed you over," the pale woman pointed out.

"I know. Some things I can't even explain. He asks for my help and I give it because there used to be times when I needed his help. That's how I get along in life, a favor for a favor," the slim scientist replied. She helped Josh because there used to be times when she needed a place to bed down for the night and he would always open his door; sure, he would try to sleep with her too, but he could have turned her away once he was denied and he never did.

"You do know that you're pretty much the essence of annoying, right?" Shego asked because her pet had answer for everything.

Kim turned around and brightly grinned at her mistress. "I try my best," she replied.

"So, you do this kid a favor and what can he do for you?" the elder female inquired. She did not see what Josh had that Kim might want. Well, a bad idea came to mind, but she ignored that as sheer paranoia considering the fact that Kim had already stated that she was never going to give Josh what she was thinking about.

"I know what he wishes he could do," the impish hero remarked. "The whole thing is I do this and I don't know what I might need from him later on," she answered.

"And what if he doesn't come through?" Shego pointed out. She wanted to point out that she could give Kim whatever she wanted or needed, so she did not have to do anything for Josh anymore, but she doubted that would fly since he was the kid's friend and all. Her girl was too kind and good-natured.

"It actually hasn't come up yet. Josh is pretty good with favors," the redhead replied. She suspected that Josh lived his life by a sort of bartering system too since he was often broke. He knew the value of a good favor more than likely.

"Well, what if he doesn't?" Shego pressed. "Or what if you don't need a favor from him at all?" she added. Her pet should not need anything from Josh because she was around. She could and did provide for the little mutant. Did Kim not get that?

"And what if I do?" Kim countered. One day, she might need something from him and it was better to be prepared for that than to just assume that she was never going to need anything from him because she did not need anything right now.

"You're just looking to get on my nerves now, aren't you?" the raven-haired owner inquired in a deadpan tone. She really did not like that her pet had a decent response for everything that she said.

"I'm always looking to get on your nerves," the younger woman answered with a broad grin.

Shego shook her head. She decided to stop arguing with her munchkin. She guessed that she should not worry about anything. Kim knew how to deal with Josh and she was not about to do anything with the artist, so Shego figured that there was nothing to get bent out of shape about. It was just some tutoring and her imp would just do tutoring, right? Right…okay, well, she hoped that her pet would just do the tutoring.

-------(New day)

"So, whatever happened with you and Falsetto?" Shego asked Betty curiously. She hated thinking back to the last time that Betty had a man in her life that Shego knew about, but she did think that her old friend needed more than just a dog in her life. They were back to having lunch at the little café.

"Well, from what I can tell, he's not a thief anymore," the one-eyed woman replied. She had done a thorough background check on him and he seemed to be clean for just as many years as her daring, cranky friend. He probably got the same sobering effect from that helium as her friend did.

"So, you're dating him, aren't you?" the moss-hued officer asked with a teasing smirk. It was like she was eight years old and taunting her friend for liking a cootie-infested boy.

"Not exactly," Betty answered.

Shego nodded, even though she did not accept that response. "How many times have you been out with him since you've met?" she inquired.

"A few times," was the vague response.

"Give me a number," the emerald-eyed officer ordered.

"I don't keep track like that," the older female argued.

"Whatever. You can go ahead and act like you're not dating him. He really doesn't seem like the kind of guy that you go for," Shego commented.

"Isn't that a good thing?"

"Hell yes," the pale woman answered.

Betty only made a face that said she concurred. They both did not have the best track record when it came to choosing males. Any time that they did something different from what they usually did, they perceived that as a good thing and probably a step in the right direction. It was not a bad way to think considering their histories and "relationships."

"Try to get a screw out of him before you dump him," Shego remarked with a playful smile to tease her friend even more.

"Just shut up," Betty stated.

"Well, who was president the last time you got any?" the emerald-eyed woman inquired and she was being quite serious now.

"Shut up," Doctor Director huffed. Life was not about a lay, after all.

"Yeah, so just make sure you get a good ride out of him. Break him in half," Shego laughed.

"So vulgar," the chief commented.

"Hey, you know how my mind works."

"Unfortunately. Did you ride Drakken until you broke him?" the one-eyed boss countered, hoping to just shut her friend up.

"Do you really want to get into that mess because I will sit here and tell you every vomit-inducing, gut-wrenching, skin-crawling moment of every time that I was with him," the pale woman stated.

Betty decided against calling Shego's bluff. She knew that her younger friend had no problem with going into her sex life, especially since the man was out of her life now. The raven-haired woman did not care how bad the intercourse was, if she could use it to disgust her good friend, she would. Betty did not want any part of that, especially since she was eating.

"Can you just let me have this moment?" the chocolate-haired woman requested.

"You like Falsetto that much?" Shego asked in disbelief. She had never seen Betty want her to stop bothering her over a man. The one-eyed woman usually did not care about the taunts.

"I think so. I mean, so far," the boss admitted.

Shego sighed. "Just do me the favor and don't fall in love with the guy," the pale woman pled.

"Definitely not," Betty agreed.

"Good to know." Falling in love was a horrible thing; they had decided that a very long time ago. They would never fall in love because it made reasonable people do ridiculous things. They would never fall prey to such a preposterous emotion.

-----------------

Shego was working on dinner when she heard the door open. She heard Kim call out for her, so she informed her monster that she was in the kitchen. She braced herself for the charging hug that she knew was on the way. Kim did dash into the kitchen and latched herself onto her mistress in a loving embrace. The pale woman was going to return the hug when she noticed something about her pet; the nutty kid was wearing face paint.

Shego took a step back and saw that her girl's face was painted to where she looked like a calico cat; it suited her for some reason, probably because of her hair color. Kim was wearing her ears and her "Kimmie" collar. She looked like something out of an anime; all she required was a tail to look like an all-out cat girl.

"The train ride back here must have been interesting," the officer commented.

"People were staring at me," Kim admitted.

"Could it be because you look like an escapee from the play Cats?" Shego remarked, even though she was not very amused. She could not figure out why her pet would allow her face to be done like that, well aside from the fact that her monster was pretty much out of her mind.

"You think so?" the redhead asked as if she did not even consider that as a possibility.

"Yeah, that might have had something to do with it. What happened, a color-by-numbers set spit in your face?" the mistress joked.

"Josh painted my face for me because I came in with the cat ears on. He thought that it would be cute to paint my face," Kim explained.

Shego frowned at the very mention that name. She hated that kid more than she should, she was very aware of that. There was something about him that just rubbed her the wrong way; probably the fact that he seemed to think that he was the greatest thing under the sun and the fact that he had hurt her pet, yet somehow managed to worm his way into being friends with her. She just did not trust that crooked artist boy. And then she realized her pet's exact words.

"When you came in? You went to his place to tutor him?" the green-skinned female asked in a controlled tone. She actually wanted to scream at her idiot pet and tell her to stay away from his house.

"Yeah. We almost didn't get to it because he started doing my face and he's such a perfectionist," the slim scholar replied as if the matter was trivial.

Shego did not like to hear those words anymore than she liked the last set of words. Her petite elf had been in that boy's home, probably alone with him. What if that happened again? She was certain that the artist kid would try something. What if her pet fell for it? After all, when was the last time her girl had had someone pay her body proper attention? Damn it, Shego silently huffed.

"Well, I hope he took a picture because you're going to have to wash your face," the elder female pointed out. The face paint was coming off, even if she had to throw her imp into the tub herself.

Kim frowned a bit; she would have to wash her face sooner or later. "Can't I keep it on for just a little while longer?" she requested with a cute little pout, thinking that her mistress was ordering her to wash her face now. Her little kitty face was making the pout that much worse for her owner.

The older woman sighed. "Fine, but you have to wash your face sometime tonight. I don't want you to break out or something," she conceded.

The slender hero nodded. She did know that she was going to have to wash her face eventually. She had actually already taken pictures because Josh did consider the face painting a work to be proud of. He had gone into detail with it and had used pictures of calico cats to get the patterns accurate. He declared her to be an adorable kitten and remarked that he would be her ball of yawn when he had finished. She had not laughed and merely stated that he was welcome to that once she got a set of claws.

The master and pet had dinner with the face paint haunting Shego. It bothered her that Kim was enjoying having her face done up by Josh, even though it seemed like something that Kim would love. It bothered her that her munchkin had allowed that irksome boy to touch her in order to paint her face. It really just bothered her that Kim was with Josh point blank.

The pale woman continued to think about her pet with Josh even when they were going to bed and the face paint was long gone. Kim's face was completely clear and she was curled up next to her owner, sleeping peacefully. The mistress was still awake and she was absently caressing the redhead's arm while thinking on how much the idea of Josh bugged her.

"He can't have you, Pumpkin. You're mine," Shego whispered and she leaned down to kiss her imp's cheek. "Just wait for me a little longer," the emerald-eyed officer pled. She was certain that she would be able to give Kim proper attention soon.

------------------------

Next time: bad things happen, Kim and Josh share a moment.


	29. Gag Twenty Nine: The best policy

I don't own these characters and I don't own this premise.

A/N: if you go to my profile, you'll find two links at the bottom to a picture I drew of Shego and Kim from this series. It's the same pic, but two different sizes. Check it out if you wanna and lemme know what you think.

Gag Twenty-nine: The best policy

_I'm starting to think that I might have a few issues in regards to my pet. I don't want to share her at all, but then again, does anybody really want to share their pet? She's mine and that should be the end of the argument, but not with us. She's tutoring the stupid art kid and she's probably doing only that, but I keep imagining more than that going on. I always do that when it comes to her. I always think that something more is happening than what she says. Is it a trust issue or am I just really paranoid about her? I mean, I believe she's a loyal pet, but still I have these thoughts. _

Shego was lounging at her desk at work, being plagued by thoughts of her dearest pet and the punk artist that her pet was tutoring. She was now aware that her pet went into that bum's apartment to tutor him. She did not like the thought of her precious little imp alone with him in a private area. He was not trustworthy. He was just a snake in the grass; the bad thing was that her pet liked snakes.

The pale woman was worried that Kim might actually sleep with Josh. Now, she knew that the redhead had stated that she was never going to give in to Josh or his propositions, but Shego also knew that her pet was living a chaste life lately and not really by choice. Kim was celibate because her mistress had not worked up the will to touch her in an intimate manner. Kim was human, so eventually, she would give into someone showing her some physical attention, as far as Shego thought anyway. She was scared that the someone was going to be that artist asshole because of all of the time that her munchkin was spending with the little prick.

"Hey, you look like you're actually thinking," Betty noted as she came by her friend's desk.

"I'm not," the emerald-eyed female lied.

"What did the brat do now?" the one-eyed woman inquired with a small sigh. She just assumed now whenever Shego was acting oddly that it was because of Kim. She did not have anyone else to blame now that Drakken was gone; she was thankful for that one.

"Nothing," Shego insisted because her twerp really had not done anything. Well, she had not done anything to warrant stressing over, yet there she was stressing over it. Damn her irksome little monster and her ability to do something worrying without even realizing it. That kid was so freaking brain dead.

"If you say so. I don't have time to get into things with you anyway," Doctor Director commented.

"You've got an assignment for me then," or so was the hope. Some form of work would occupy her time and her mind.

"Yup and you'd better get going," the chief replied.

Shego did not need to be told twice. After she got the information that she required for her assignment, she was gone. Work always got her mind off of her troubles, so she was thankful for something to do, even if that something was only taking care of a giant, mutant spider. Yes, she had been sent out to go rid the city of a gigantic spider. Sometimes, she knew that her assignments were just busy work if the boss thought that she looked bored or if she was about to get into some kind of trouble; she was right. About half of the assignments that she went off on were because Doctor Director was looking to just get her doing something.

The raven-haired woman did not think about her pet possibly betraying her, as she looked at it, until they were in bed that night. She stared down at the petite hero, who was out almost as soon as she hit the mattress, which struck her mistress as odd. Shego was not sure why her elfish munchkin was so tired, but she started considering all sorts of things and none of them had to do with the option that Kim might have had a mission that day.

What if Kim's tutoring session had turned into a different kind of session, Shego wondered. The redhead had admitted that once upon a time, she thought that she loved Josh. She had slept with Josh before and though she claimed that it was bad, she might be desperate enough to try him again. She might feel the need to try again.

The moss-hued female held onto Kim tighter than usual as those thoughts entered her mind. She wanted her pet all to herself just like Kim had her mistress all to herself. She supposed that she should be more willing to show that, like Kim was. But, it was easier for the redhead. She was a carefree, crazy, lazy pet. She was allowed to act completely out of order. Well the pale woman's mind posed the question, would it be completely out of order if she were to make love to Kim? She did not have the answer.

"You are mine. Don't forget that. You are mine," Shego whispered. She was not sure if she was talking to herself or her snoozing brat.

Kim was hers and hers alone. But, she had to show the little redhead that. She knew that Kim was waiting for her and she wondered just how long the girl would wait. She was getting nervous about what her pet might do if she kept the kid waiting.

------(New day)

Kim was trying to explain how to go about solving a specific math problem to Josh, but he was not paying attention. He was fascinated at the moment with the way that her hair was falling over her face and shading the right side of her visage ever so slightly. He was not interested in the effect in any sort of artistic way. The more time he spent with her recently, the more he found himself intrigued by her.

Josh had recently noticed the way that Kim moved was different from other women; he never thought about such a thing before, but now that he noticed, he kept looking at her. He wondered if it was because she was a deadly martial artist, a former cheerleader, or an acrobatic adventurer. He was not sure what it was, but he liked it; it was very attractive.

Everything about Kim was just alluring in his opinion. He wondered if she was always so damn sexy and he had just missed that fact the first time around. He was not sure, but he did know that she seemed to be getting better by the day. It was like she was already perfect, but it seemed like every day, she got a little more perfect. It should not have been possible, but that was how it seemed. And the more that he thought about it, the more he wanted her.

The artist had been attempting to work his way through the vast defenses that Kim had erected especially for him. He had been on his best behavior while in her presence, making sure not to even look at another woman while she was with him. He actually did not need to try to not look at other women. Kim usually had all of his attention, just in a different manner than what she was supposed to; an inappropriate manner if anyone was to ask her. Every time that he was supposed to be listening to her go over problems, he was staring at some part of her anatomy or daydreaming about doing all sorts of things to her. Well, he had still been on better behavior than usual.

"Josh, are you listening to me?" Kim asked in a slightly impatient tone. It was like her new catchphrase with him and it was a little irksome. She had to ask him that question over a dozen times when she was with him every session.

"Yeah, totally," he lied. He always said that at first when she posed the question.

"Okay, so what's the answer to this problem?" she inquired while pointing down to one of the problems on the page.

"All right, you got me again," he conceded with a sigh. She had busted him not paying attention with that follow-up question quite a few times through all of their sessions.

"Are you going to listen at all or what?" she asked because she did not feel like playing games with him. If she wanted to play games, she would have stayed home and gotten on her mistress' nerves.

"I will. Go ahead," he replied.

Kim went back to explaining the problem, but Josh was lost to her at the moment, maybe for longer than that. He was in his own head right now. He knew what he wanted and it had little to do with math, except maybe for a little one plus one. He wanted to be with Kim. Maybe for the night, but probably forever with the way that he was feeling, he believed. She seemed to want to be with him too, he thought anyway.

The petite hero had been smiling and laughing around with him. She had been willing to see him more often then usual. She had allowed him to paint her face a few days ago. She seemed comfortable around him, even in his little apartment. She had stayed late a few times; she had even fallen asleep on his bed for a little while one night. He should just go for it, he figured. She was probably just waiting for him to take the initiative.

Well, Josh decided that it was unfair to keep Kim waiting. It was unfair to both of them, he figured. So, he would not let them both suffer if he could stop it because that was just stupid in his opinion.

The artist leaned over and planted a gentle kiss on Kim's lips, which had been moving because she was trying to explain a problem. She was surprised and before she thought to push him away, she felt his hand kneading her right breast. She could not believe how good it felt to be touched like that again. She even moaned; wow, she was physically desired. But, that feeling only lasted about three seconds.

Kim then remembered Shego and Josh was definitely not Shego. She shoved him away enough to cause his back to hit the wall, even though her body was begging for some attention; any attention would do for her baser being. Josh was there and he would do as far as her traitorous body was concerned. But, as far as she was concerned, attention from just anyone would not do. It had to be the love of her life; it had to be Shego.

"Kim," Josh said, surprised that he had been pushed away, especially so hard. He had been so sure that she desired him like he desired her.

"I've got to go, Josh. This just isn't happening," the slender hero commented. She was speaking both to him and herself with that line. He was not getting what he wanted, but she wished that none of that had just happened.

"Why not?" he asked in a confused tone.

"Because I don't want to," she answered in a "duh" type of voice. She did not want to do anything with him. She wanted her mistress and the only reason her disloyal body was even responding to him was because she had not been touched for so long while waiting for her owner. Well, she would continue to wait if that was the way things were going to be because she only wanted her master.

"Why not? It's not like you're in a relationship," he argued.

"I'm…with Shego," Kim decided to state. She was with Shego in a relationship. It was a weird relationship, but it was a relationship nonetheless. It was also very important to her and she would never purposely do anything to jeopardize it.

"You're her pet," he pointed out to diminish something that was the world to her.

"So what?" she practically snarled as she climbed to her feet.

"Kim," Josh said her name again while catching her by the hand. "Don't go," he stated. It was more like an order than a plea. He could not understand why he could not get her to be with him and because of that, he did not seem to know how to speak to her or what tone he should take.

"I have to," the redhead replied while yanking her hand from his. She did not even want to be tempted now, even though she was so certain that she never wanted to sleep with Josh. She still feared that if he persisted and she stayed, she might find herself lying underneath him. She moved farther away from him, making sure to get out of his reach. Little did he know, she was also slightly on guard and ready to subdue him in case he tried to touch her again. He wisely did not try to put his hands on her.

"Kim, you're just her pet. She doesn't care who you sleep with. She probably doesn't even care about you," Josh said.

"Shut up! She does care about me," Kim insisted.

"You're just a pet," he repeated. She was just a pet, so he did not see why she was acting like she was really with Shego. It was obvious to him that her "beloved mistress" did not want her in the same way that Kim wanted the older woman. He actually thought it was a bit stupid of her to continue being with such a woman and to allow herself to be used like a dog. He had to treat Kim better than that, so she should want to be with him, in his opinion.

"Bye, Josh," she said plainly.

"Kim, come on! It doesn't have to be like this. We could build a real relationship this time. We could go places," the artist commented with feeling in his voice, as if he truly believed those words.

"Josh, the fact that you even think that we could work again shows that you're either crazy or you think I'm stupid. How in the hell could we possibly build a relationship? Do you think that I trust you at all to be faithful to me? I don't," she informed him rather bluntly.

"I've changed," he vowed.

"No, you haven't. You're the same Josh as always. That's why I'm here 'helping' you with math work that's done in the damn tenth grade. It's all just an excuse," she pointed out.

"Well, if you knew I didn't need help and this was all just an excuse, why'd you go along with it if you didn't want this?" Josh inquired in a heated tone. She was just a tease, he thought with a huff.

"On the off chance that you really needed my help and because you asked me," she answered simply.

Josh appeared both puzzled and stunned by that response. He had not expected it, obviously. He had forgotten that with Kim, things usually were just as they seemed. She was open and honest and he had just forgotten that.

The redhead bid him farewell once again and left the basement apartment that time. She felt lost for some reason that was beyond her and she found herself wandering the city. She felt guilty about what happened and how her body wanted that so much, yet she could not go through with it. She just wanted to be touched so much, but even if her body was ready to surrender to Josh, it could not be him. It could not be just anybody. It had to absolutely, positively be Shego. She would not be able to go through with it unless it was Shego.

Kim scratched her head. What was she supposed to do now? Go home and tell her flighty mistress that she kissed Josh? That she was so starved for attention that she considered screwing him, even though that thought had entered her head for only a brief second? She was going to be charred for sure. She would be forsaken more than likely, condemned to the loft if she was lucky or possibly thrown out on the street for a while if she was damned. Shego might even reconsider having their exclusive pet/master relationship open again and she would have to go through the pain of watching men come and go in the apartment.

"Damn it," Kim grumbled.

Years of work might have just been shot to hell in a matter of seconds. She hated Josh for a moment, but she hated herself for a much longer moment. She should have seen it coming, she scolded herself. She should have stopped him before it even got to the point where he was kissing her. She should not have gone to his house. She should not have been sitting on his bed. She should not have trusted him enough to think that he would not try something. She was so stupid.

She knew what Josh wanted, especially from her. She had always known what was on his mind. She just thought that he would respect her enough to accept that she did not want it. She had been wrong, she conceded. She had been very, very wrong.

"When I screw up, I screw up royally," the young hero sighed.

Her master would probably look at everything as her fault too, which in her mind, was very accurate. She should have seen everything coming and she should have tried to prevent it, but she had done nothing. She had pretty much gone with everything. She could not believe that she could blow everything so quickly and perfectly. She did not even do it on purpose. Maybe if she whined enough, she would at least still be allowed to sleep in her mistress' bed every now and then. Maybe she could even get a way with some groping somewhere in the distant future. Man, she truly was a pathetic creature, she concluded.

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Shego paced the living room, waiting for her pet to come in. It was nearly midnight and her munchkin was not back yet. The little brat had not called either. Why did the little idiot never call! What if something happened to her? What if she ran into Team Impossible again and they wanted revenge? What if she had gone on a mission and gotten into some horrible trouble? What if…that last paranoid and worried thought was interrupted by the sounds of keys in the door.

The raven-haired woman rushed to the front of the apartment to see Kim closing the door. She grabbed the girl into a hug and sighed in relief, pleased to see that her imp was all right. Well, now came the anger, Kim thought; her master sort of followed a pattern when it came to being worried about her.

"Where the hell have you been?" Shego demanded to know while pushing her girl a few inches away from her. See, the anger was right on schedule.

The redhead looked down at the floor. She had been wandering the streets for about three hours, trying to think of someway to tell her mistress about what happened to avoid the older female's wrath. Nothing had come to mind to say the least and she had only returned home because what was coming was inevitable.

The trim adventurer cast her gaze up to her master and she looked like she was about to cry; her bottom lip was even trembling. The green-skinned officer was worried again, thinking that something happened to her little monster. Even though the girl appeared to be physically fine, Shego was plotting to bring pain into whoever's life it was that hurt her pet. She was the only one allowed to hurt the irksome elf and even she could hardly do it.

"Pumpkin, what's wrong? Are you hurt? Did something happen? What's wrong? What's hurt?" Shego asked in an almost frantic tone as she pulled her dearest imp back to her, but also began padding Kim to try and locate what it was on her pet that might be injured.

"I'm okay," Kim mumbled.

"Then why are you looking like that? Are you sure? What happened?" the pale woman practically begged to know.

The slender hero wrapped her arms around Shego and hid her face in the elder woman's shoulder. She was going to tell the truth, so she just wanted to savor her last moment of complete and utter trust that existed between loyal pet and caring master. It had been so wonderful and she just had to go and muck it all up in an instant, she thought.

"Shego, I kissed Josh," Kim confessed in a mutter.

"What?" the moss-hued woman asked, thinking, hoping, praying that she had heard wrong.

"I kissed Josh," the girl repeated in a clearer tone. She then waited for her punishment to come.

Shego frowned; okay, so she had heard right. Kim had kissed Josh. Okay, okay, okay, she thought several times as an attempt to keep calm. She needed to stay calm, she told herself because it would not do her any good to blow up on Kim. The girl was already distressed and she did not want to cause her pet any trauma, even if the little traitor had kissed that artist bastard!

And then, Shego wondered why her treacherous brat even bothered to admit such a thing. The redheaded hero could have kept it to herself and her mistress would have been none the wiser. Her twerp was just too honest, she remembered and that made it hard to keep looking at her as a traitor. It was better that she had told rather than tried to keep to herself, Shego thought. Her pet was trying to do the right thing and show that she was still trustworthy.

"How about you tell me the whole story," Shego suggested.

The emerald-eyed woman had a feeling that what happened was more than Kim just kissing Josh out of the blue like the confession made it seem. The pale woman decided to hear it all out instead of getting violently outraged as she usually would do, and what she had been planning to do before she realized that her pet was trying to save what they had. Her pet respected her enough to tell her the truth, so she would give her pet the patience she deserved in return. She would hear the whole thing and then go kill that boy; it was a good plan for the moment as far as she was concerned.

The pair went to the sofa and Kim relayed what happened in thorough detail. She looked so ashamed of herself, Shego noted, which made it hard to be even remotely upset with her, especially with the long, hurt expression on her face. Shego would have liked to be vexed with her brat since that was her norm, but she could not find it in her. At least, she could not find it in her to be upset with Kim; art-boy was going down the next time as a smoldering pile of ashes when she saw him, though.

Shego supposed that what happened was partially her fault. She had been reaping the benefits of Kim's deep attraction to her, but she had not been returning any of it, aside for passionate kisses. She was on the receiving end of so much affection, but she was not giving out anywhere near the amount that she was receiving. She was practically stealing that love, she considered.

"Am I going to have to sleep in the loft now?" Kim inquired in a mumble. It was really the least of her worries in her mind, but it was the only question that she was willing to ask right now.

The moss-hued officer did not answer immediately. She reached out and rubbed her pet's head, which her pet took as a good sign. Shego really could not find it in herself to feel anything aside for sorry for Kim and the longing that the redhead was going through. She embraced the smaller female, which sort of answered the question.

"Even if I tell you, yeah, you'll just sneak into my bed later," Shego remarked.

"Well, yeah," Kim answered.

"Now, go take a shower, so you can go to bed. Did you eat something?" the older woman asked.

"Ramen noodles," the redhead answered.

"You know that doesn't count," the pale woman commented while lightly flicking her pet's nose. It was not enough to cause Kim to whine about it and she did not have the energy just yet to overreact to the hit.

"I know," Kim admitted. There were plenty of things that she ate when she was on her own that her mistress did not count as real meals, ramen noodles was right at the top of the list. Apparently, cake, pie, donuts, pizza, and jars of pickles did not count as real meals either. More than one slice of pizza could be a meal, but it had to involve a beverage and breadsticks too. Hot dogs were not a meal, no matter what she put on them. Hamburgers were only a meal with a beverage and fries. Yeah, Shego was much pickier than she was about what counted as meals.

"What should I make you then? Nothing too heavy since it's so late," Shego pointed out. Hey, somebody had to watch the girl's health because Kim did not seem to notice that certain foods were not good for her or that she should not eat certain things at certain times.

"Could you make me a grilled cheese sandwich?" Kim requested with an impish, almost shy smile. It was an adorable expression.

Shego could not help petting her girl again because of the way Kim looked. "All right," the elder female agreed. "Go take a shower," she ordered.

Kim grinned and trotted off to obey the command. She was so happy that she did not seem to be in trouble. Everything seemed all right with her mistress, so she was all right.

Shego sighed and conceded to what her brain was telling her; she brought it on herself. It was her fault. It was her fault that Kim had kissed Josh; well, that Josh had kissed Kim and it took the girl a second to push him away. She had left Kim hanging, so it made sense that the girl was craving physical attention. She was yearning so much that she had even considered doing something with Josh, who she had so long ago stated as bad in bed and she really did not want to do anything with him. How long would it take before Kim just crumbled and gave into whoever it was that was trying to jump her?

Shego did not want to lose Kim in any way, shape, or form. Now, she was certain that Kim would remain her faithful pet, even if the redhead went out and landed a lover. But, she did not want the girl to have a lover unless it was her because she knew that Kim felt strongly for her. And, she loved the little brat in return, not that she would say that out loud.

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Next chapter: Kim gets several treats from her mistress.


	30. Gag Thirty: Ring the bell

I don't own these characters and I don't own this premise. I also don't own rubix cubes.

I am so sorry this took so long. I wanted it to be perfect, but I'm going to have to settle for mediocre at the moment. I hope you guys still enjoy it and I'll try never to take this long on another chapter. Warning: this is another chapter where the fic puts in some work for that rating.

On a plus note, I got this link to a banging picture on my profile by Blaze. It is a hot pic of Kim on a leash. Very much worth checking out, so you should do that.

Gag Thirty: Ring the bell

_Well, I dodged a bullet it seems with the "Josh incident." I don't know if I'm lucky or if my mistress is just acting like everything is all right and waiting to get me back later. I know it's a stupid thing to worry about because she seemed to make it clear that she wasn't going to hold it against me, but sometimes, she does seem to get a kick out of tormenting me. So, I wonder if I should be nervous. Nah, everything is probably fine._

Shego was sitting on her terrace; yes, she had a balcony. It was great for sunbathing in the summer, but at the moment, she was just looking to lounge out there on a reclining chair; if she caught some rays, it would be a plus, though. She was thinking about Kim, who was out on a mission at the time.

She was thinking about how she might lose part of her precious pet. She was thinking about how Kim might go out and get a lover sooner or later. At first, it did not bother her too much, well, relatively speaking anyway. The more that she thought about it, the more it grated on her nerves and bothered her, though. What if her pet went out and found another domineering lover, like that bitch scientist girl that they had run into back in Middleton? The lover might start filling Kim's head with all sorts of nonsense, like trying to talk her out of being a pet. If that was the case, then Shego would have to slay the lover like an outraged spouse.

Really, she did not like the idea of her pet having a lover at all. She tried to lie to herself and say she did not want that because she was being selfish and spiteful; if she could not have an outside lover, then Kim could not have one either. But, she knew that was a stone-cold lie. It was not about what she could not have.

"What to do? What to do?" Shego asked herself.

The pale woman actually knew what she had to do, what she wanted to do. It was just that she knew better than to force it. She had already tried forcing it and that only left her disturbed; it also left her munchkin messed up on several different levels. She did not want that to happen again, so she could not force the issue. She needed it to just flow with the moment, but the moment had not presented itself. She always over-thought what was going on if the moment seemed like it was coming.

"What if I'm no good?" she wondered.

The emerald-eyed woman was typically confident in herself in any endeavor that she decided to undertake; that was just the way that she was. Even if she did not think that she could do something, she tried her best anyway and usually came out on top. She was acting so unlike herself when it came to Kim. Every time it came to Kim, she seemed to act like a different person. She knew that she acted different, but she did not think that she behaved so differently that her confidence would waver. It was just that no one had ever affected Shego in the "odd" way that Kim had; she considered it odd because she never felt the way that she did before.

The raven-haired woman's thoughts were interrupted. She had not heard the front door open, but Kim did wander out onto the terrace. She collapsed right on top of her mistress and snuggled up into that warm body. Shego was puzzled for a moment because she had not expected her pet to come in.

"Ah, are you fresh from outside?" Shego demanded to know, noticing the dirt smudges on her brat's arms.

"Uh-huh," the redhead answered, nodding into her master's comfortable chest.

"Damn it, go shower! You're getting me all dirty!" the older woman barked.

Kim whined as her owner threw her off of her. The trim hero grumbled something about having a selfish crank for a mistress and wandered back into the house to go take a shower. She just wanted to go to sleep, but there was always something, she silently complained. Damn tiring missions, she added on in her mind. But, it was a good excuse to relax on her mistress.

Shego did not mind her pet laying on her while they were on the balcony. In the past, she had some reservations about such actions. She did not want her neighbors to see her and start gossiping, not because she cared about what they thought, but she did not want them to say anything while she was in a relationship with Drakken. It did not matter what they saw now. She did not care if they gossiped now, as long as they did not say anything to her face. If they tried to get fly with her to her face, she was going to have to slap some people around then.

The green-skinned officer wondered if there was ever a time before Kim where someone liked to cuddle up to her so much. No one came to mind and she had never felt the urge to snuggle up to someone as much as she did with Kim. In fact, she was happy when the redhead came back and rested right on top of her.

The slim scientist made herself comfortable on top of her mistress and then she seemed to just recall something. She leaned back up and greeted her master with a soft kiss on the mouth. She then settled back onto the warm body underneath her. She sighed as if all was right in the world as she rubbed her cheek into Shego's breasts. One of her hands was positioned to where it was pushing Shego's breast up to provide her lazy pet with even more cushion.

"Watch the mouth," the raven-haired law enforcer commanded in a halfhearted tone.

Kim nodded to show that she would comply. She was too tired to consider doing anything dirty. She just wanted a comfortable place to sleep and she could not think of any place that could even compare to where she was now. She would do bad things once she recharged her batteries. She was asleep in no time.

Shego stared down at the redhead snoozing on her. She brought her hands up to rest on Kim's back. She rubbed her pet's back, eventually pushing up the rose-colored camisole that Kim was wearing. She continued on caressing the sleeping girl and noted, as she touched the bare skin, her pet could use a good moisturizing. She had to keep on the kid about putting on lotion if she forgot to do it for her monster. She continued on massaging Kim, even though her skin was dry; it still felt good to touch.

The older woman was starting to understand why Kim molested her in her sleep. She just wanted to keep touching the girl now that she started and she found herself curious as her hands started wandering to Kim's side. She caressed her brat's ribs and Kim moaned in her sleep.

"You're enjoying this, huh? Good to know," Shego commented.

The officer continued to caress her pet's ribs and then she went higher, feeling the bottom of Kim's bare breasts for the first time. Kim tried to move into the touch even in her sleep. At first, Shego thought that she had woken her girl up, but she could see that Kim was still out like a light. She was certain that the slim hero was still asleep; Kim usually slept pretty hard when she was resting against her master. Shego continued her exploration of the slender body on top of her. She was soon holding a handful of soft flesh and it was nowhere near as strange as she thought it would be.

Shego removed her hand as Kim shifted and turned. The emerald-eyed woman decided to leave her pet alone to avoid waking the exhausted kid. She did think about how touching Kim was not as weird as she thought it would be. It was not really weird at all.

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Kim woke up and found herself on the sofa. She yawned and sat up. She glanced at the clock on the wall and saw that it was not time for dinner yet, so she went in search for some junk food. She looked around as she went to the kitchen and guessed that she was alone. She grabbed some potato chips and a can of soda. She parked herself in front of the television and started doing a puzzle instead of watching television. She remained there, eating her junk food, drinking her soda, and nearly finished the huge puzzle by the time she noticed her mistress was coming back into their home. She dashed to hug her master at the door as usual.

"Damn it, Pumpkin!" Shego grunted as the redhead hit her with a good amount of force, as usual.

"I missed you," Kim said with a small smile.

"I'll bet," Shego said sarcastically. She did not think that it was humanly possible to miss someone who was gone while Kim was sleeping, but still, she appreciated the words.

"What's this?" the younger female asked curiously when she noticed four bags in her master's hands.

"Dinner. Nothing for you."

Kim pouted. "Well, that's no fun. Unless it's pasta," she mused aloud.

"You know what, take this and get away from me," Shego commanded and she handed her pet a Rubix cube.

The petite scholar's mouth dropped open; oh, she loved a puzzle cube. Shego had a feeling that the cube would keep her monster busy for a little while and she was right. Kim wandered to the sofa and focused her attention on the Rubix cube as if the device had hypnotized her. She had solved the Rubix cube several times before when she was little; it used to drive Ron nuts because he always swore that they were impossible to solve. Ron thought that there was a trick to completing the puzzle cube and he never cared about what the trick was after spending a couple of minutes with the troublesome toy.

Shego prepared dinner while her pet was occupied with that puzzle cube. After she had everything set, she went to the living room and just watched Kim for a moment. The slender adventurer was working the cube with a speed that surprised her mistress. Sometimes, Shego just forgot how much her pet loved a good puzzle.

"Pumpkin," the pale woman called.

"Hmm?" Kim replied, still focusing more on her new toy than anything else.

"Dinner."

"Hmm."

"Now!" Shego barked and that made Kim rise to her feet.

The redhead marched to the dinner table and was caught by surprise. Spaghetti was waiting for her, but that was not all. There was wine and a lit candle too. Kim craned an eyebrow while Shego took her by the shoulders and led her to the table. She sat Kim down and then sat down across from the stunned pet. Kim looked around, as if she expected something to happen.

"Are you going to kill me after this?" the younger woman asked curiously and she seemed rather serious with the question.

"Why would you ask that?" Shego countered. Really, just what the hell kind of thing was that to ask while sitting at a lovely table with her favorite meal in front of her?

"This looks like a last meal," the adventurer replied. They almost never had spaghetti for dinner and she was never allowed to have wine. Something was up. Maybe she should run while she had the chance, she considered. She could probably make it to the window and get away.

"No, it's just dinner. So, eat," the pale woman ordered.

"Are you sure?" Kim asked. Maybe the meal was poisoned. Oh, that would be a dirty trick.

"Yes, I'm sure. Now, eat before it gets cold."

Kim did not argue and she started eating her dinner. Spaghetti was just about the best of all foods and the way that her mistress made it was fantastic. The meal was pure heaven; if it was poisoned, then she would die happy at least. Kim looked like the meal was paradise and Shego was pleased to see that. She had wanted to put a satisfied look on the redhead's face and she had done just that. But, the night was not over for her when it came to putting a satisfied look on the hero's face.

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The master and pet lay down for bed at their usual time that night. It had been a good night as far as they were concerned. Shego had read a book while Kim had continued to play with her puzzle cube; she had already gotten a side. They then calmly retired for bed and Kim curled up to the moss-hued woman as she typically did. After that, things stopped being so normal, for them anyway.

Shego had things planned out and she needed to get to her plans. She leaned down and started kissing Kim. The redhead, not one to turn down any kind of attention from her mistress, accepted the kiss and eagerly returned it. She was a bit surprised by the move because Shego generally did not start kisses while they were in bed because at first it had led to Kim always grabbing for things when she was not supposed to, and now since Kim was allowed to grab whatever she wanted, it led to requiring a shower about an hour later. A lot of the time, her master did not want to get involved in such drawn out activities when they were supposed to be sleeping because they both needed their sleep.

But, since the green-skinned woman had gotten the ball rolling, Kim figured that she might as well take advantage. Eager hands started reaching for their favorite things, but they never made it to their intended destinations. Shego pushed Kim's hands away from her body. The slim scholar whined and tried again, only for the same results. The older female went to so far as to hold her mini-monster's hands above her head to get her to stop trying to grab anything.

"Shego!" Kim wailed, breaking the kiss because of her frustration. She wanted to touch her hot-blooded mistress and she wanted to touch her now. It was rather impossible to do that if her hands were being held captive.

"Just lie there, Princess. That's all you have to do tonight," Shego informed her hyper elf in a low voice.

"What?" the redhead asked in a bewildered tone. She looked like she did not understand, so the older woman decided to let her actions explain just what was going on.

Shego began nipping at Kim's earlobe; something that Kim often did to her. She continued to hold onto the girl's hands to keep her from moving until she was certain that Kim was going to just lie there. The scientist was about to ask a question, but she could not remember what it was as the raven-haired woman started playing with her earlobe using her tongue. Okay, okay, okay, Kim said in her mind, but she could not even figure out what she was trying to say in her own head and thinking was not getting any easier as kisses floated across her cheek and one hand lifted her camisole away while also lightly caressing her torso.

The eager adventurer calmed down a bit and her hands were released. She was actually too scared to move as Shego started lapping at her neck, so her hands drifted to her sides. What if she did something that made the older woman stop? No, she could not risk that now, especially not when her top had just hit the floor. Oh, no, she was not about to do anything that might muck things up now.

Shego was determined to, um, well, get over the hump, so to speak. She would free herself from her thoughts and do just what needed to be done. She was going to go for it and she was going to go deep, middle of the ocean deep. But, she was also going to pace herself. Freedom needed to be savored, even if most wanted it in a hurry. She was going to be patient for one time in her life.

She remained at Kim's neck for a while, enjoying that space and sucking on the skin as if it was a lollipop. It was sweet and tasty, like candy and she take great pleasure in being able to experience it. She did not move until she was certain that there would be a dark scarlet mark on Kim's throat for the world to know that someone cared for her enough to take time with her. The mark to let the world know that the little hero was taken, or she would be soon enough anyway. No one else would have any rights to Kim when the night was done, or so was the plan.

With Kim's top on the floor and not standing in the way, Shego began to explore the flesh that she had exposed. At first, she scanned the new world with her eyes. It was a breathtaking sight and she had not expected that. Her jovial monster was a beautiful little creature and all hers. She had to express her appreciation then. She lightly wandered the new field of skin that was open to her now that she was free with lukewarm fingertips while keeping her lips at Kim's deserving neck. She was going to get to know what was beyond her small world now that the fence was open.

Kim was trying her best to not arch into the gentle, searching touch or moan from the attention that she was being given. It took a lot of self-control to remain calm, but she was maintaining her composure. The self-control was what Shego seemed hell bent on making Kim lose. The still hero was starting to break out into a light sweat because of the effort that she was putting into not acting out. She took her bottom lip in between her teeth to keep herself from calling out as the pleasure washed over her like tiny waves on an empty beach.

The emerald-eyed female could guess why her girl was laying as stiff as a wooden board and biting her lip. She knew that she had made her brat frightened to react at all thanks to the last few times that she had tried to love the redhead physically; well, no more of that. She was going to show Kim that it was all right for her to react by making her react. They were going to be free of the past by the end of the night. They were going to be free do what needed to be done and to do what they wanted to do.

The elder woman moved on from the succulent neck of Kim and kissed her way lower down the expanse of her liberty. Once she made it to the girl's breasts, she almost hesitated. She did stare for a second to appreciate the view of the uncharted mountain range before her. They were not large mounds, but that did not matter. Every inch needed to be explored thoroughly and intensely like everything else on the unknown body beneath her. From the milky base to the cherry topped peaks would be touched and tasted to find out everything there was about them.

Kim glanced down, thinking that it was over because of the brief pause and then she got the shock of her life. One very warm hand massaged one of the hills of the new discovery and a busier mouth latched onto the other. The hand gently kneaded the treasure in its grip while the mouth made it seem as if it was trying to remove poison because of the forceful, mind-numbing pressure. Careful fingers teased a soft pink jewel while a smoldering tongue played with a supple cherry. It felt so good that in order to prevent herself from screaming, Kim bite harder into her lip, drawing blood. Her hands fisted in the sheets on the bed and water began to gather in her olive eyes.

Shego glanced up without moving her mouth or hand from where they were to see the face that Kim was making; it looked like the redhead was going through sweet torture. The slender hero moved one fist to her forehead and just writhed ever so slightly from the delightful affection being paid to her. Shego was not satisfied, though. She wanted Kim to know that the experience was to free her, so she wanted the younger woman to act out. She wanted Kim to scream like the little hero made her do every time their roles were reversed. She wanted the girl to buck if the urge overcame her, or to hold her in place if she wanted her mistress to stay somewhere; she wanted Kim to know that it was all right for her to do whatever came to mind. The bonds that held them back were to be broken that night.

The pale woman increased the pressure of her mouth while noting that Kim tasted beyond delicious. There was a subtle, yet creamy flavor to her skin. Shego decided to find out if the other mound tasted the same way. She licked her way from one mountain of the field open to her and made her to the other. It too was scrumptious and she investigated it with just as much attention and care as she had its twin. Freedom was fantastic and mouth-watering, she noted. Her girl had opened her eyes and tantalized her taste buds; her girl was delectable.

Whenever her mouth was at one mount, her hand was at the other to make sure that it did not feel neglected. Her hand surveyed its land with just as much zeal as her mouth. Every inch of flesh was curiously touched and gently probed to find out everything about it. She needed to know everything about the new area given to her.

Kim now had her eyes closed tightly because she was having trouble maintaining her calm. She did not notice that her lip had a gash in it thanks to her teeth; everything felt too excellently mind-blowing for her to note something minor like a cut in her lip, even if it was bleeding enough for her to taste the crimson liquid in her mouth. The taste just was not registering to her brain at the moment, so she did not even know that she was bleeding. All she was aware of was ecstasy that was vaster than any ocean and it was being brought to her by the love of her life, which only added to it.

The moss-hued officer continued to knead and suckle, switching creamy hills every few minutes because she could. Since she could do something, she did and that was what freedom was all about. She was also trying to do something that Kim had done to her a few times; she was attempting to make the slender hero climax through lavishing attention to her breasts. She worked for a while and knew that she had accomplished her goal the moment that Kim's self-control snapped and she cried out, calling to the ceiling a single, drawn out "ah." Kim was not loud, but she had made some noise enough for it to be classified as a scream.

"Shego," the redhead whimpered as she came down from a high peak. Some of the water in her eyes had made its escape and was now staining the pillow, but it was being replaced by new water welling up in her eyes.

"Just lie there, Kimmie," Shego said again. For them to be free, she needed to do her part and Kim needed to do her part. She needed to do the work and the petite brat needed to enjoy it. They needed to work their way through the new territory in a different way.

Kim whimpered some more as the green-skinned woman started kissing and licking her way further down the province that she desired to know now that she was releasing her own chains. She wanted to map that land in her mind to know it as well as she knew anything else in her head. It was an important region that deserved a detailed charting to find all of its precious, sensitive spots and she plotted a long course to taste as much of that county as she could.

While her mouth worked, her hands also remained busy, making records of their own. They continued to keep those creamy hills company while also gently caressing Kim's sides and massaging her ribs every few seconds. Her palms moved up and down in a soothing motion like tender pendulums across the hero's body. Her hands planned to know the torso underneath them very well, to know every special place on the peachy terrain.

The redhead started panting, anticipating what was going to come next as her mistress went lower. Shego stopped at Kim's bellybutton and kissed the small indent. She swirled her tongue around the small impression while her hands crept down from Kim's torso like ants on a mission. She made it to the waistband of her pet's pajama pants and eased those down the girl's slender legs. She pulled Kim's underwear down with the pants, not wanting to bother with having to remove them later on.

Shego's hands occupied themselves by caressing Kim's slim thighs now that they were there and then she was surprised to find that Kim had a plump little ass. Freedom was the right to explore and her hands did just that. She kissed around the redhead's waist while kneading the fresh world of the girl's rear with those very warm hands of hers. Her hot fingertips caressed the flesh softly, as if she was trying to be careful with her precious pet, the key to her liberty.

It felt so exceptionally good that all Kim could do was whimper as she wiggled around, trying to feel more of the older female's sizzling and affectionate touch. She wanted as much of Shego as possible. She had waited so long for the moment that she was experiencing and although she wanted it to last for as long as it could, she wanted to get on with it too.

Shego just allowed her munchkin squirm all she wanted. She moved along to the inside of Kim's thighs. She scanned the area with her eyes for no more than a second and then decided that she needed her other senses to really appreciate and pilot through the new space. She licked, kissed, and sucked on the flesh until there was another dark red mark on Kim's body, planting her flag in new world of the her monster's inner thigh. The mark was as close to stating "Shego was here" as they would ever get.

"Shego!" Kim whined, needing her mistress to touch the center of her being now.

The pale woman smirked; she would have liked to torment her girl for a little while longer, but she had already left Kim waiting so long. It was time to pass through the gate and leave behind all of her apprehension. After she made it passed that point, she would torment her munchkin some other time. She gathered her resolve and prepared to go some place that she had never considered going before, until Kim showed up anyway. She took a small breath and went in for another hot and sweet kiss. Kim cried out loudly in pleasure as soon as she felt that scorching mouth touching the base of her being.

The pale woman fervently searched for the bell to ring the sound of freedom. One of her hands took sanctuary near another new territory while the other continued exploring Kim's butt. The redhead hissed and tears of sheer pleasure fell from her eyes as fingers began a new journey, looking to discover what was at the very core of her. Before either of them knew it, Kim was screaming to high heaven, hoping that the night would never end.

Shego smirked mentally and also noted that her girl was still so delectable. She would bottle Kim if was plausible. She settled for lapping and slurping up the gushing region of her pet. She was going to make sure that her imp touched the sky again and again through out the night. It was the least that she could do considering all that her imp had done to her.

--------------------

"Thank you," Kim said and she kissed Shego's neck. They had been lying still for roughly two minutes now that she was finished crying from pure elation. She had never felt so satisfied in all of her life. She had no idea that it would be like that when she finally got what she wanted. She did not think that anything could be that blissful and close to divine.

"Don't thank me, you nut. That's just fucking weird," the raven-haired woman commented. She had an arm around the redhead, who was curled up next to her. It seemed that she had worried about nothing; she could perform just fine from what she could tell.

"Yeah, you're right. I know what I should do," the trim scientist declared.

Shego wondered what her little imp was about to do. Kim grabbed the bottom of her master's tee-shirt and quickly lifted it off of her mistress. The elder female made a confused noise while Kim was trying to rid her of her bra. Shego grabbed her pet to halt her impulsive actions.

"What the hell are you doing?" the emerald-eyed officer inquired.

"Um…you," Kim answered. She thought that was rather obvious since she was trying to get her owner naked as quickly as possible. It seemed like the best way to end the night.

"You bounce back quickly," the pale woman commented. She thought that Kim would be mellow for the at least ten minutes, but it seemed that she was wrong.

"I know, so let's get to it," the redhead said with an eager smile as she pulled away Shego's bra.

"Calm down, kid. We've got all night. It's not like either of us are going anywhere," the law enforcer pointed out as she began to caress the hero's bare back. Kim grinned; all right, they had all night. Whoa, it was going to be a long, long night if she had anything to say about it as she leaned in for a deep, fiery kiss.

----------------------

Next time: Kim goes to the hospital. What the hell happened to her now?


	31. Gag Thirty One: Playing tag

I don't these characters and I don't own this premise.

Gag Thirty-one: Playing tag

_I never imagined that sex could be so good without it being exceptionally freaky. Last night was not exceptionally freaky, even though that monster of mine did a few things that I never would have thought of. I will say that I had no idea that she could bend that way, even after knowing just who she is and what she used to do in her spare time with the cheerleading and everything. Still, a lot of that was unexpected, but it was still great. I wish I hadn't taken so long to get to that moment now that I see how good it was. At least we still have the future._

Last night was amazing as far as both Shego and Kim were concerned. Sleep had been forsaken for very busy, energetic, and passionate activities. It had been mind-blowing for both parties involved. They had learned some very new and important things. It had gone beyond what the other was capable of in bed, but also about the many intangibles that life was made up of and that they supplied each other with. And the best part of it was that in the morning everything was normal, well for them anyway.

Shego made Kim some oatmeal for breakfast like she did most of the time and the redhead sat down to eat like an obedient pet. Shego petted her girl's head and Kim smiled as she always did because of the attention. They were normal, so everything was good.

"Do you have school today?" the older female asked as she sat down to have her breakfast. She was not sure about when school started for her pet because she did not know the girl's new schedule just yet.

"No, I'm going to the lab today," Kim answered. She was still off for the summer, but classes did start soon, so she wanted to get some time in the lab before she had classes for her fall term.

"What time?" the pale woman inquired to gauge how long her monster would be in the house alone. She did not want Kim to be there for too long or she thought that the girl would go crazy on junk food and manage to mess up the apartment.

"In like an hour," the redhead replied as she glanced at the clock to see what time it was. She did not really have any set time to show up at the lab, but she tended to go in the morning with the hope that she could put in some work before Wade called her for whatever reasons.

"All right. Don't blow up the house before then," Shego remarked with a teasing smirk.

"Well, I can't make any promises," the younger female replied with an impish smile.

Shego shook her head, showing that she was a little amused while wondering how Kim could possibly make that face after the thing that she had done last night. How could she look so innocent when she was nothing of the sort? The raven-haired female shook off the question and finished her breakfast, which was only a toasted bagel and a cup of tea. She prepared to go to work as she did every morning. On her way out, her pet gave her a kiss on the cheek as always and then she went to work.

There was not much for Shego to do around the precinct, which she had expected. She decided to just zone out on what happened last night. She really had never in her wildest dreams thought that things would be like that, even though she had already had a few experiences with Kim. It was just that the both of them being active made things infinitely better. She was already planning on staying up all night tonight too. She did not require sleep as often as most other people and she was fairly certain that her munchkin would be all in for another few rounds; besides, the girl had energy to spare, so she did not require as much sleep as most people.

"Shego!" Doctor Director practically shouted, knocking her employee out of a sweet daydream. If yelling did not get her agent's attention, she planned on slapping Shego in the head in a second.

"What?" the moss-hued female snapped, angry that her so-called friend would interrupt the very wonderful thought that she was lost in.

"What the hell is up with you?" Betty inquired in a curious tone. She could not remember the last time that her friend dreamed about something, especially with so many people in view.

"Nothing's up with me. You're the one shouting at people and everything, so really, what the hell is up with you?" Shego countered.

"I'm trying to figure that out about you. I'm trying to tell you that you're doing a good job on your reports lately and here you are lost in your own head," the chief informed her employee.

"I wasn't," the pale officer argued. The last thing that she needed right now was for the older woman to think that she was daydreaming because then her friend was going to want to know what was going on in her head and she was not sure if she wanted to reveal that information to the boss just yet.

"Yeah, you were. I was standing here for about a minute and you were just dazed out. What's up with you?" Betty asked again.

"Nothing," Shego insisted.

"You sure?" the older woman persisted.

The raven-haired woman pondered if she should tell her friend about her night, even though she really did not feel like talking about it yet. She doubted that the one-eyed woman would believe her if she did tell her. Hell, in retrospect, she hardly believed it. She doubted that she would be able to explain, so she decided against trying. Betty would find out one day, but not that day.

"Yeah, it's nothing," the emerald-eyed officer replied.

"Then what's up with you daydreaming?" Doctor Director pressed.

Shego was about to answer, but her cell phone rang. She went to answer it, even though she did not recognize the number that was trying to get into contact with her. She waited for the person to identify himself in calling her.

"Hello, I'm looking for Shego," the voice said. It sounded suspiciously like Wade, but she had never heard the computer genius' voice before, so she did not know that it even sounded like him.

"Yeah, 'sup?" she answered in a rude tone.

"Are you her?" the voice inquired.

"Who the hell is this?" Shego demanded to know.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I'm Wade, Kim's friend. She told me I should call you," he informed her.

"Why? What happened?" the pale woman asked.

"She said that she might be late and she didn't want you to worry," he explained, but it seemed that he had more to tell than that.

"Why?" Shego demanded to know. Kim never informed her when she was going to be late, so there had to be some reason behind the change. There had to be more to his call.

Wade gulped because of her tone and quickly explained the whole situation to Shego, who almost screamed when she heard the news. Wade calmed her down somewhat, but she was not even trying to hear anything else from him. She disconnected the call, put her phone away, and grabbed her keys. Betty looked confused with what was going on.

"Where are you going?" the boss asked Shego as the younger woman started walking away, toward the door.

"Pumpkin's in the hospital," Shego replied.

"Hospital? What for? Is she okay?" Betty inquired in a concerned voice.

"Probably," was the clipped answer as the super-powered female hurried out of the door. She was going to go see for herself just what her brat was.

"Call me with news!" Betty hollered instead of trying to convince her employee to stay at work, as she was supposed to do since Shego was still on the clock.

It was no secret that Doctor Director did not like Kim very much. She knew that she would probably always just see a bratty kid when she looked at the redhead, but she did not want any harm to come to the annoying girl. After all, she was her friend's pet and Shego liked the brat, so Betty liked her somewhat; she just would never mention that out loud. She hoped that the little idiot was all right and that it was nothing too serious.

-----------------

Shego rushed into the hospital and stormed over to Kim once she found out where the careless girl was. Kim was laying on the bed, not looking particularly injured in any way. The redhead was staring down at her bare stomach and poking at a maroon area that was close to her bellybutton. Shego craned a curious eyebrow.

"What the hell are you doing?" the pale woman inquired with a sigh as she approached her girl.

"Shego!" Kim grinned. She had not been expecting her master, but she was very happy to see her now. She hoped that her mistress would be able to get her out of the hospital.

"So, you got tagged. You nutty kid," Shego said and she rubbed the top of Kim's head. She was so relieved to see that the slim scholar was all right. Even though Wade had informed her that Kim was fine, she needed to see it for herself to be certain.

Wade had reported to Shego that her little monster had been tagged, or bitten by a snake. He went as far as to tell her what kind of snake, but that information was meaningless to her, and then he mentioned that the slender hero was in the hospital, which had been almost all she needed to know. She also required what hospital and just to keep her calm enough to avoid having an accident, she did want to know what kind shape her munchkin was in.

"All right, what the hell happened?" Shego inquired now that she could see that her girl was relatively fine. She could not believe the trouble the kid got into just going to work. The kid nearly got killed being a nerd; only her crazy pet could do that.

"I was holding this taipan. I was just going to milk it. I mean it was no big deal, but he sort of jumped out of my hand and the next thing I know—" Kim attempted to explain, but was cut off.

"She was bit in the stomach," the doctor commented as she came over. She looked much more like a model than a doctor and Shego was not too thrilled about such a young doctor handling her munchkin. She wanted someone with some gray hair looking after her maniacal pet, someone with some experience under her belt.

"Amelia, could I maybe tell the story?" Kim requested with a playful smile.

"Too late. I already told it," the doctor answered with a taunting expression in her eyes.

"Is she going to be all right?" Shego inquired while pointing toward her monster. She was leaning toward "yes" since her pet seemed to be okay; she was smiling and everything. But, with Kim being so weird, the green-skinned woman was not too sure what to think.

"She should be fine. You couldn't kill this girl with a pickaxe, it seems. She took some new antivenin that she developed before we even got to her, which was good since we didn't have the antivenin for a taipan. And your lab should carry it if you have those kinds of snakes," the doctor, Amelia, scolded the wounded redhead.

"Hey, my antivenin works, so we don't need it," Kim argued.

"We'll see," Amelia replied. She hoped that Kim's antivenin did work or the little hero would be in some trouble. They had brought in some antivenin just in case, but the symptoms from the taipan's venom were not pretty and she would rather not see the petite redhead go through any of the symptoms.

"We have seen. I'm okay," the slender hero stated. Her antivenin had to work for the simple fact that she was still alive. If her antivenin had not worked, she probably would not have made it to the hospital considering how long it took an ambulance to get to her.

"We'll see," the doctor repeated.

"Is she all right?" Shego asked again because she wanted a definite answer.

"She should be fine. The symptoms had been present, but nothing too severe and they were gone in a couple of minutes. She's been fine since then. She's got a little bruising about the bite, but that was expected. We're just going to keep her overnight to be certain that she's all right," Amelia answered.

"Overnight?" Kim echoed in disbelief. But, she was fine, so she should not have to stay in the hospital for the whole night. She did not think that was fair. She was about to protest the decision, but her doctor began speaking first.

"Just to be sure. I'll be back to check on you in a little while. Try to behave until then," Amelia replied and she turned around to walk away.

The punctured scientist pouted because she really did not want to be in the hospital for the night. She glanced over at her master, as if pleading with the woman to spring her from her prison. Shego did not seem to be paying her enough mind to notice the distress in her eyes.

"So, you happen to get bit by a snake that you happened to develop a new antivenin for?" the green-skinned officer asked. It seemed mighty coincidental to her and she would not put it passed her crazy brat to use herself as a lab rat.

"I know what you're thinking, but it wasn't like that. My antivenin isn't just for the taipan. It's for a general antivenin for poisonous snake bites. My thing with the taipan was just me not paying attention to what I was doing. Sometimes, you just do something so often that you forget how dangerous it really is," the redhead replied.

"Your antivenin is a general antivenin?" Shego inquired.

"Yeah, that's right. Obviously, the thing works pretty well, I've been working on it for a really long time and it is really tricky to explain. I figure that it could help save lives for people that can't get to a hospital as quickly as I can or can't identify a snake as readily as I can," the younger female explained.

"How so?" the older woman inquired. She was really not following what her munchkin was going on about and she doubted that would change.

"It's in pill form," Kim announced with a cherubic expression on her face. She was obviously proud of what she had done and she really had cause to be that way.

"How the fuck did you do that? Wait, don't even bother. I wouldn't understand and don't even want to know," Shego said with a sigh.

Really, what the hell was Shego supposed to do with that kid? One second she was daydreaming about the great night that they had and hoping for a repeat and then the next second she was worried that the redheaded hero was going to die from a snake bite. It was just too much with her; if Shego really thought about it, she would realize that she was similar to Kim in that respect. After all, all kinds of things could and did happen to the pale law enforcer at her job. The difference being that Shego never worried about herself, which was also similar to Kim; they both believed that they could handle themselves in anything that they chose to do. The thing was just that Shego never remembered that Kim could do anything when the girl was around her.

"Well, since you're going to be all right, I guess I'll get going," the emerald-eyed woman stated. She did not want to stick around in a hospital any more than Kim wanted to be there. She conceded that Kim's doctor seemed competent enough and the redhead seemed to like the doctor enough, so everything should be fine. She might as well get back to work, she figured.

"You're leaving?" the college student asked, trying her best to sound normal. Her voice betrayed her and let her mistress know that the girl did not want her to leave.

The pale woman looked into her pet's eyes and saw that she was begging for Shego to stay. She did not want to be alone in a hospital. Shego sighed and looked away for a moment.

"I was just going to get us some lunch," the older woman lied. It was what she was doing now, though. It seemed that she was not going to make it back to work that day.

"Oh, what kind?" Kim asked curiously. Her master had said the right word there; the redhead had not eaten since breakfast, which as well had been forever with the way her stomach felt.

"You are just a bottomless pit. I'll get us some Chinese food. I'll also go home and pick up a book or something for me since we're going to be here a while. Do you want anything?" the pale woman inquired.

"My Rubix cube," the petite hero requested with an elfish smile.

"All right. So, I'll be back in about an hour. Okay?"

"Okay," Kim agreed. She could hold on for an hour as long as her mistress came back as promised.

Shego left the hospital, fully intent on getting back to her pet as soon as possible. She did not feel right leaving her monster alone if the girl did not want to be by herself. Kim was not sure why she disliked being in a hospital, but she just did not like it.

The redhead did consider it strange that she did not like being in the hospital and her mother worked in a hospital. She never had a problem with going to the hospital to see her mother. Well, visiting the place to see her mother and staying overnight because she was injured apparently were two different things. Kim wished that she did not have to stay there for any longer than she already had.

-------------------

Through out her short stint in the hospital, people did stop by to see Kim, mostly people from the lab. They told her that it was all right to be bitten and she should get used to it. In her line of work, she had bites coming at her from all sorts of serpents and other animals. She understood that, even though her mistress did not seem happy with the idea that she would be bitten throughout her life. Shego silently hoped that her monster would never end up in the hospital because of bites anymore.

The lab people also congratulated Kim on her successful antivenin. They did point out that one case did not prove that the medicine worked completely, but she seemed to be on the right road. She just smiled; her antivenin worked and she did not care what anybody else said.

"So, how are you feeling?" Kim's doctor asked as she returned to check on her little patient.

"I'm fine. So, how about you let me go? You do owe me, Amelia," Kim replied.

"Tutoring me for one math class back in high school isn't worth me losing my job or you dying in the street, Kim," Amelia stated.

"I'm not going to die. My antivenin works. I feel totally fine. Go look at my blood work and you'll see that I'm totally spanking," the redhead insisted. She wanted to get out of that place; everything smelled too sterile and just lying in the bed was driving her mad.

"Calm down. Think about your health. Do you think she's going to let you go if she knows that there's a chance you'll drop dead later on?" Amelia asked while nodding toward Shego, who was sitting by the bed and reading her book.

The emerald-eyed officer had come back an hour after she said she would and had been with Kim since then. She had not said much to her loopy pet, who spent most of her time moping in the bed when people were not coming by to tell her that she had more snake bites to look forward to. The doctor had noted that Shego had not moved from her spot since she arrived, so she knew that the pale woman was someone important to Kim.

"Fine," Kim pouted. She had to yield because her doctor made such a good point; her mistress was not going to agree to her leaving if her owner thought that she would die in the street.

"So, who is she anyway? Your girlfriend?" Amelia asked to make conversation with the pair.

Shego scoffed at that question. "She wishes," the moss-hued female stated.

Kim was confused on something because of the question. "How'd you know I date women?" the redhead inquired with a craned eyebrow.

"I had a cousin that went to your school and I told her to look out for you if she ever needed some tutoring. She went to find you soon after we talked and she told me that you were dating Justine Flanner," the doctor explained.

"I tutored your cousin? She never said anything if that was the case," the scientist replied.

"Yeah, I think she actually liked you after spending some time with you. She was always talking about you when I saw her. She was wondering what you were doing with Justine," Amelia commented in a slightly amused tone.

"That makes two of us," Shego remarked under her breath, not bothering to look up from her book.

Amelia laughed. "From what I heard about Justine, it's probably a mystery to the world. So, who are you to this crazy girl anyway?" she asked Shego.

"Her owner," the pale woman answered.

Amelia laughed again, obviously taking the response as a joke. Kim was given a clean bill of health the next morning. The redhead was happy when she got to go home; she was also very happy to know that her antivenin worked. She flopped down on the sofa as soon as she got home and then she started poking around her navel again.

"Don't touch it," Shego ordered and she slapped her bad girl's hand away from the bruising.

"Ow!" Kim whined.

"Stop touching it," the pale woman commanded.

"Fine," the redhead pouted as if she was bothered by not being allowed to touch her bite mark.

Shego sighed; her stupid pet had scared her yet again. She hated being attached to someone and she had never been attached to a person like she was with Kim. She completely loathed that scared and helpless feeling. It seemed like her pest had power over her and it should not be that way. She was the master, so all of the power should have been on her end, but that was far from the case.

"Damn it," the emerald-eyed woman sighed and she grabbed her pet into a tight hug.

"Shego!" Kim yelped in surprise.

"Why the fuck can't you just be more careful?" Shego asked in a whisper while burying her face in her pet's soft, red mane.

"I will," the redhead promised.

The slim hero did believe that she had to be more careful consciously. She was not on her own anymore. She had someone that would worry about her to no end and she would make her mistress' life very stressful if she did not acknowledge that, which was counterproductive for her as a pet. She was supposed to reduce stress, so she definitely had to be much more careful.

-----(New day)

Kim was lying on her mistress' lap and she was very content, which was easy to see from the peaceful look on her face. Shego was sitting on the sofa and reading the newspaper while her pet was playing with her Rubix cube. The pale woman noted how her mini-monster worked the toy; Kim was the only person that Shego ever seen work the puzzle cube as if she knew exactly what she was doing. The green-skinned woman was just glad that something was keeping her brat quiet and settled.

"Hey, want some ice cream?" Shego asked out of the blue. She figured that she would treat her pet since the girl was acting so good and she could use a snack.

"Yeah!" Kim grinned and nodded for emphasis.

The raven-haired woman got up to fix them both some ice cream. While Shego was in the kitchen, there was a knock at the door. Kim rolled off of the sofa to go answer the door. She opened the door without asking who it was and found herself face to face with an unknown, short-haired, blonde woman.

"Hello, can I help you?" the olive-eyed scholar asked in a polite tone.

"I'm looking for Cassandra," the blonde replied.

"There's nobody here by that name. Sorry, I guess you've got the wrong house," Kim stated and she shut the door. She was about to return to the couch, but there was another knock at the door. She had a feeling that it was still the blonde woman, but she opened the door again to be sure.

"Excuse me, but I know that Cassandra lives here," the blonde woman argued as soon as the door opened again.

"Um…no," Kim replied. What else was she supposed to say? She shut the door again, only for the knocking to continue. The redhead groaned and decided to ignore it. The knocking did continue; Kim figured that her mistress could take care of the problem once she returned with the ice cream, so she went back to the comfy sofa and her fun puzzle cube.

-------------------

Next time: meet another member of Shego's family. And the mystery of Shego's real name is revealed.


	32. Gag Thirty Two: Cousins

I don't own these characters and I don't own this premise.

Gag Thirty-two: Cousins

_Okay, here I am minding my own business, trying to spend the day with my mistress while being good and then this lady shows up at the door and won't go away. I already told her that the Cassandra person that she's looking for isn't here. I figure I'll leave it for Shego to handle while I keep trying to solve my puzzle cube. I just hope that she doesn't ruin my mistress' mood. After all, Shego has been completely relaxed all day thanks to yours truly and I'd like her to stay that way, so I can keep lying in her lap._

"Princess, what the hell is with the knocking? Why didn't you get the door?" Shego inquired as she returned to the living room with two bowls of chocolate and vanilla ice cream mixed together.

There was knocking at the front door that Kim was just ignoring and it was irking her master. Shego figured that the least her lazy, good-for-nothing pet could do was answer the door. It was usually something that the hyper redhead jumped up to do; it was about the only thing that she jumped up to do aside for eat.

"I did. Some crazy blonde is out there. She won't believe that the person she's looking for doesn't live here," Kim explained as her owner handed her the frozen treat. She smiled as she took the first spoonful.

"Well, it's getting on my damn nerves," Shego declared.

The green-skinned female put her ice cream down on the small table to the side of the sofa. She went to answer the door. She yanked the door open, fully intending to harshly curse out the obvious moron that was playing around with her property. She was speechless for a couple of seconds when she saw who it was that was at her doorstep. Someone, somewhere really had to hate her, Shego thought; it was the only way to explain why she was looking at who she was looking at.

"Cassie!" the blonde practically cheered when she saw who had answered the door.

"Lynn, what the fuck are you doing here and how the fuck do you know where the fuck I live?" Shego inquired a forceful tone. In her mind, she was plotting her mother's immediate demise because it had to be her mother's fault. Only her mother could orchestrate something so heinous, so evil to have the blonde standing before her.

"Well, Aunt Isabel was telling my mom about how you're a cop in Go City and when I told my mom that I was going to be in Go City, she looked you up for me. She gave me such great directions and everything," the blonde, Lynn, explained. From the way she was speaking, it seemed that she was totally missing the fact that the pale woman was irate with her presence.

"Damn it," Shego sucked her teeth. Her mother just had to have a little sister that was as much of a busybody as she was. Fine, new plan, she would kill her aunt the next time that she saw the woman and then she would curse her grandmother out for having two extremely wicked daughters.

"And, so here I am," Lynn proclaimed as if she had accomplished something extraordinary. Her mother had done all of the hard work, unless of course her mother just called Isabel to get all of the information that she needed, but that was still more than what the chipper blonde annoyance had done, so she had no reason to be proud in her cousin's opinion.

"Uh-huh, nice. Get the fuck out," the raven-haired female ordered in an exceptionally rude tone. It was actually a tone that she reserved just for the person in front of her. She loathed her cousin so much that she had a whole set of rude words and gestures put away just for her; none of them seemed to make to Lynn's brain, though.

Lynn laughed a bit, as if she was just told a slightly humorous joke. "You're still funny, cousin. Do you have any food?" the blonde asked as she easily pushed her way further into the house.

Shego looked absolutely offended by the question, like she was really going to feed her most annoying cousin. It would indeed be a very cold day in all nine levels of Hell before she did anything for her cousin aside for yell at her. "Lynn, get the fuck out!" she ordered again while grabbing the younger female by the arm to toss her out if necessary.

"Cassie, why are you acting like this?" the blonde inquired like she was truly shocked by her cousin's behavior.

"Because I don't like you, you know that good and well. It's not a fucking secret. So, get out," the emerald-eyed female stated bluntly while pointing out into the hallway to make sure the stupid girl did not get confused on what she meant.

"Cousin, could you just make me something to eat?" Lynn requested. She was used to Shego's attitude; she had grown up around it. She just never seemed to accept the attitude and expected the pale woman to give into her like everyone else did.

"Damn it to the fiery and deepest pits of Hell, what part of 'get the fuck out' are you missing, Lynn?" Shego demanded to know. Why was it like her family was just jam-packed with idiots and annoyances?

Lynn knew that her cousin could not beat her to pulp, no matter how much the older woman wanted to, which why she ignored her older cousin's attitude; it was always why she ignored the elder female's attitude. She failed to take into account that Shego really had no problem with throwing her out. The law enforcer made sure that she had a good grip on Lynn's arm and flung the blonde girl back into the hall. She slammed the door and considered it a victory for her. She was about to return to the living room and relax with her little monster when Lynn started banging on the door again. The moss-hued officer growled and opened the door again to curse her irksome relative out.

"What the hell is wrong with you? Are you a fucking moron?" Shego demanded to know; she believed that she knew the answer to that question. Oh, she hated her cousin with a passion, always had and probably always would. So, why the hell would the blonde gnat not take the damn hint and leave her the hell alone?

"You have to let me in or I'll call Aunt Isabel," Lynn threatened her cranky cousin.

"You fucking bitch," the super-powered officer groaned. It was taking almost all of her willpower to not knock her relative unconscious and leave her bleeding in the hallway.

Lynn smiled; she had her big cousin right where she wanted her. "So, what kind of food do you have here?" she asked as the door opened and she strolled back into the apartment.

Shego made a fist; she could just kill Lynn. It would not be a problem for her and she did not have to worry about her aunt's wrath. Her aunt was no match for her, she reminded herself. But then again, her mother would lament the loss of her only niece. She should be able to take her mother, her brain commented. The woman was like fifty now; she had to be slow by now, the moss-hued woman thought. She had to be able to take her down, so she could just kill Lynn.

Shego slammed the door again as she watched Lynn walk into the living room. Apparently, she could not just kill her little cousin. And then she was struck by another thought because of where her relative was going. Oh, no, Princess. Oh, dear, sweet merciful anything, spare her the scene of her pet actually liking Lynn. Spare her the scene of her pet actually interacting with Lynn if a serious fight was not involved.

She just needed to get Lynn out of her home to avoid any chances of something bothersome happening; there was only room for one annoying, spoiled brat in the apartment. Shego walked into the living room and saw the pair eyeing each other as if they were trying to figure out what the other was doing there. Well, at least they were not getting along, Shego thought.

"So, you were at the right house?" Kim asked the newcomer in a confused tone.

"Yeah. So, who the hell are you?" Lynn practically demanded to know. She was upset because the redhead had tried to lie to her as far as she was concerned.

Kim glanced at her mistress, looking for what she was supposed to say to the blonde. Was she supposed to lie to the blonde girl? Was it all right for her to know the truth? Shego decided to respond instead of letting her pet even bother with her cousin.

"She's none of your fucking business. Now, act like you have some damn manners and introduce yourself before asking who she is," the pale woman commanded her rude cousin.

"I'm AdrenaLynn. I'm sure you heard of me," the blonde announced as if she was someone important.

Kim looked at her owner again, now wondering what the newcomer was going on about. Why should she have heard of the blonde? Was that person someone who assumed that she was precious to Kim's mistress? Just who was the self-important blonde female?

"She's got this dumb-ass television show that dumb-ass people watch her doing dumb-ass shit," Shego explained to her perplexed pet.

"Television show?" the slender scientist echoed. She had never heard of such a show or such a star, but then again, when she did watch television, she watched a limited variety of shows. She liked trivia shows, documentaries, forensic shows and movies.

"Yes, it gets top ratings," Lynn declared.

"Among the stupid and misled," her cousin remarked. "What the hell are you even doing here?" she asked the blonde.

"Well, I'm going to be filming in Go City for a week or so and I figured while I was here, I'd like to see my favorite cousin," Lynn answered and Shego could only wonder how the blonde bimbo could smile while saying those words. It was like she did not know that the older woman hated her guts.

"Well, you saw me, now get out," the officer commanded with the blunt force that a bat would envy.

"Wait, you're her cousin?" Kim inquired, speaking to Lynn while pointing at Shego.

"Don't you see the family resemblance? Freaky," Lynn commented while motioning from her cousin to her.

The redhead glanced away just because the blonde had uttered the word "freaky" for no reason that she could see. She also could not see the so-called family resemblance. Her owner and Lynn looked nothing alike outside the fact that they were both human females. She wondered what side of the family Lynn came from.

Shego pinched the bridge of her nose; more than five minutes with her cousin and she was going to have to kill the girl, especially if she started with that "freaky" nonsense. It was a meaningless catchphrase and only the mindless would utter it, in her opinion. To make matters worse, Lynn had been using the worthless word since she was about ten, so she had sucked the life from it a long time ago.

"Lynn, you've got to get out," the emerald-eyed law enforcer stated. It was a must; the girl was either leaving voluntarily or the older female was going to murder her to get rid of her.

"I just want to spend sometime with you, Cassie," Lynn said and she sort of whined the name.

"And if you call me 'Cassie' one more time, I'm going to rip your tongue out and force you to eat it," the raven-haired woman replied. Kim remained on the sofa and ate her ice cream while the cousins went back and forth. It was like the little redhead was watching a play.

"Aunt Isabel wouldn't like that," Lynn replied with a snobbish smirk.

Shego growled; her cousin knew the right cards to pull at the right time. She hated her cousin more than she hated anyone else now, she believed; the thought kept entering her mind because the blonde was really getting on her nerves. The girl was a clingy wannabe, just an all out disgrace to their mothers' family. But, she was the baby girl in a family that adored little girls, so she was excused and spoiled. There was the fact that she was not the only spoiled person in the family, though; Shego pulled out her cell phone and her annoyed look was suddenly replied with a smirk as if she was the cat that ate the canary.

"Cassie, what are you doing?" Lynn asked curiously.

"Hi, Mommy," Shego said into her phone. "No, everything's fine…Pumpkin is cool…Yeah, your niece is standing in my living room right now and I'm going to kick her ass. Just thought that you'd like to know… No, okay. Here," Shego said and then she handed the phone to her bothersome relative.

The crestfallen expression on Lynn's face let Shego know that the conversation was not going in her cousin's favor, which she expected. Now, her mother adored her little niece and liked spoiling the blonde brat, but her niece was not her daughter. Isabel's little firefly was first in her heart and she gave in to a lot of things to make Shego happy; it had been that way since the officer was born. So, while Isabel would like for the cousins to get along, she would not force her daughter into spending too much time with Lynn when she knew how Lynn got on Shego's nerves. Lynn bid her aunt farewell and then handed her cousin her phone back.

"She's still on the line," the television star informed her cousin in a moping tone. Shego put the phone to her ear.

"Yeah?" the pale woman said.

"I told her to stay for a couple of minutes without being a pest, but feel free to get rid of her whenever it pleases you. She should know better than to show up at anyone's home unannounced. How rude of her," Isabel stated.

Isabel meant those words too. She and her sister had raised their daughters typically better than their daughters behaved. They taught their girls manners and how to act properly. Lynn and Shego often choose not to acknowledge those lessons unless their mothers were around.

"All right," Shego concurred.

"Also, try not to be too hard on her. You know that she idolizes you," the middle-aged martial artist commented.

"Whatever," Shego said and she disconnected the call. She turned her attention back to her cousin. "Lynn, get out," she bluntly commanded.

"But—" Lynn tried to object. She could not believe that her cousin had called Isabel so quickly. She should have done it first, her mind commented. Had she been able to plead her case to her aunt first, she might have gotten Isabel on her side.

"Bye," the green-skinned female interjected.

Lynn frowned and Shego escorted her out of the apartment. The pale woman breathed a sigh of relief to be rid of that problem and she hoped that she did not have to see the blonde again. She returned to her living room and to her pet. She sat down and then remembered her ice cream. She turned to pick up her snack only to discover that it was gone. She turned to her girl, who was gulping down some ice cream. Shego craned an eyebrow as she noticed an empty dish next to her little monster.

"Pumpkin," Shego said in an eerily calm tone.

"Yes?" Kim asked while smiling to show that she was thoroughly enjoying the ice cream.

"Is that mine?" the older woman inquired.

"Um…it didn't have your name on it?" the redhead replied. It was really the best thing that she could come up with and she doubted that it was going to fly.

"Everything in this house is mine, first of all, whether it has my name on it or not. So, give me that. Besides, you're mine too, so you can't take stuff from me," Shego argued and she snatched the treat from her munchkin.

Kim's face fell, as if she did not know that the snack would be taken from her when she was found out. She made her bottom lip start to tremble as if she was about to burst into tears. The raven-haired female pretended not to care and tried to enjoy what little ice cream that she had left. Eventually the pouting got to her and she shoved the cup into her pet's hands. Kim cheered and went back to devouring the frozen treat.

"You're such a spoiled monster," Shego commented.

"Yeah," Kim easily agreed. Hey, she knew what she could get away with and she liked getting away with things when it came to her master for some reason, so she did it as often as she could. "So, your name is Cassie?" she asked with an impish smile.

"Listen to me because I'm only going to say this once: never, ever call me that or you'll regret it," the pale woman vowed.

"What about Cassandra? I like that. Can I call you Cassandra?" Kim requested and even though she was still smiling, she was rather serious. She would not mind being able to call her master by her given name.

"Do you want to die?" the emerald-eyed officer countered. The name and any of its variations sounded so vile to her ears. She thought it was such a horrible name. Who named her daughter after a prophetess of doom that no one ever believed? After a princess who foresaw her own death and became a prisoner of war? It was a jinx as far as she was concerned. Maybe all of her bad luck in life was due to her name.

"What's wrong? It's a great name. I like it. I now know your full name is Cassandra Gooding." Kim smiled wider.

"That's it! You're sleeping in the loft tonight!" Shego proclaimed because her elf was getting on her last nerves right now. It did not help matters that she had so few nerves to spare since she had to deal with Lynn.

"No!" the slim hero cried. "Please!" she begged.

"No, you don't know how to listen. Naughty pets get punished," the green-skinned female stated soundly and she even took back her monster's snack.

"I'm sorry!" the redheaded scholar apologized. Not only had she lost her extra ice cream, but now she was sleeping in the loft. Had her mistress seen the loft? It looked like a swamp of loose papers and photographs and a jungle of books. She did not even know where her mattress was in that mess!

"No, you're not," Shego said.

"Yes, I am!" the little pet insisted.

"No."

Kim fell to the floor like a boneless mass and proceeded to throw a huge tantrum that got her no sympathy from her master. The little hero pretended to cry, but Shego ignored her. And when bedtime came, Kim was left in the living room, looking extra-pathetic as Shego started toward the bedroom. Kim crawled after her owner on all fours like a submissive, begging puppy. Before the older woman entered her bedroom, Kim grabbed her ankle.

"Princess," Shego said in a stern voice.

"I'll be good," Kim promised.

The older woman sighed. "Shut up and get in the bed," she ordered.

"Yes! You're the best mistress ever!" the redhead grinned.

The moss-hued woman rolled her eyes while her elfish munchkin rose to her feet and bounced into the room. Kim smiled contently as she crawled under the covers while Shego lay down. Kim, of course, snuggled up to her beloved owner as soon as she could and she sighed. She fell asleep easily, mumbling something that sounded suspiciously like "Goodnight, Cassie." Shego fell asleep with a scowl on her face.

--------(Next day)

"Shego, what the hell is she doing here?" Doctor Director inquired in a slightly furious tone as she noticed an anomaly in their headquarters.

"Who?" the officer countered. She was minding her own business at her desk, so she did not see why the boss was asking her things.

The one-eyed woman pointed by the door and Shego turned to look. The pale woman's face fell into a shocked expression, which quickly became a frown. Her idiotic cousin was at the department headquarters. She now had the same question as Betty wandering through her mind, what the hell was she doing there?

"Well?" the chief pressed.

"I don't know. You know I don't have anything to do with her," the super-powered woman answered. She was not her cousin's keeper; thank goodness for that. And if it was up to her, she and Lynn would never share the same hemisphere, so she definitely did not like the girl being at her place of work.

"Ah, now what the hell?" Betty sighed as she noticed Lynn walking over to Will Du. The blonde female began talking to the anal officer. Doctor Director and her friend could not hear what their relatives were talking about, but they really did not think they wanted to know.

"How cute," Shego said sarcastically as she noted the pair. She would vomit if her cousin was attracted to Betty's bigheaded cousin.

"This is just sick and wrong," the boss commanded and she looked ready to throw up.

"Plain wrong," the younger employee concurred.

The friends were happy to see that Will did not seem interested in Lynn at all. The television star was smiling as she spoke to him and she kept grabbing his arm as Will tried to walk away. Obviously, the fact that he was "busy" and "on duty" meant nothing to the blonde; there was another fact that she was ignoring, he was not interested in her at all. She did not see why he would not be interested; she was big time star and she was from a semi-famous family of great martial artists.

"I suppose it's a good thing that Will is gay," Shego commented with a little laugh, but she was actually being serious.

"Will is not gay," Betty argued. Well, she was somewhat certain that Will was not gay.

"Yes, he is," the pale woman replied. Hey, she was somewhat certain that Will was definitely gay.

"No, he isn't," the brunette insisted.

"To hell he isn't. When was the last time he had a woman?" Shego inquired. She noticed that Will never seemed interested in female, but then again, he did not seem interested in anything outside of work. Hell, Will might have actually been an alien for all she knew.

The one-eyed woman was stumped momentarily by the question because she could not recall the last time that she had seen her cousin with…well, another member of the human species, let alone a woman. She was just pretty sure that he was not gay. Before she could think of a proper retort to defend her cousin's sexuality, Lynn spotted them. Will took her few seconds of distraction to escape from her. The blonde woman smiled and waved at the two buddies.

"She still doesn't understand that we hate her, huh?" Betty guessed. It explained why the dumb blonde was waving at them as if they cared. If they were in the old days, they would be running away right about now.

"No, it doesn't seem to be cracking that thick skull of hers. Let's act like we don't see her," Shego suggested.

"That never works," the boss pointed out.

The pair used to act like they did not see Lynn when they were younger and she would still run over to them, as if they wanted to hang around her. It was then that they had learned it was just best to run when she was around; she never could keep up with them, especially if they started jumping fences. She was so pathetic that she could not even hop a three-foot tall gate, so they knew that their escape from her was covered if there were obstacles in her path, no matter how minor they seemed. Running worked, but they could not run in the building and they could not duck out of sight now because she had spotted them already. Damn it! They were pretty much screwed.

"We need to do something," the pale employee stated. If they just sat there, she was going to come over and drive them up the wall.

"Kill her?" Betty proposed in an even tone, so she sounded rather serious. It was a plan that they had knocked around plenty of times in the past. Shego pondered the idea for a long moment before something helped her agree.

"Cassie!" Lynn called with a smile.

"Okay, so, I'll char her completely and you'll be my alibi," Shego said to Betty, who nodded in total agreement.

-----------------

Next time: the nightmare that is Lynn continues. In fact, it gets worse for Shego.


	33. Gag Thirty Three: Like a movie

I don't own these characters and I don't own this premise.

Gag Thirty-three: Like a movie

_My fucking cousin is a fucking ass_. _I mean, I'm used to putting up with all kinds of asses thanks to my damn family, but she's something special and I don't mean that in a good way. I don't know how my aunt fucked this kid up that badly, but she is seriously fucked up in the head and I just can't take her. And if she calls me by that goddamn name again I'm not going to be responsible for my fucking actions._

It had been decided, Shego would kill her cousin and Doctor Director would be her alibi. Her cousin was in their work space and neither of them enjoyed that fact, which was why they decided to slaughter the girl. The cousin was not helping matters by calling Shego by her real name in the area that the pale woman worked. Shego stormed over to Lynn, her bubble-headed cousin, who had a television show of some kind that Shego never bothered to watch.

"Listen, if you ever call me that again, not just to my face, not just in public, but in general, I will tear your tongue out of your head, paint my walls with it, break every bone in your body, and send you back to your mother in a damn box. You may or may not live through it," Shego promised Lynn.

"But, it's your name," the blonde argued.

"Never mind that shit. Don't call me that or any other variation of my name, including my whole name. Now, what the fuck are you even doing here?" the green-skinned woman demanded to know.

"I had an idea. I figured for my stunt here in Go City, I should join you on an assignment. Isn't that a great idea? Two daredevil cousins fighting crime together? It's freaky!" Lynn proposed.

Shego looked offended that her cousin would even think of something like that, let alone have the nerve to say it out loud. It did not help that she was doing that annoying "freaky" thing. Before Shego could tell her relative where to go and what to do when she got there, her so-called friend spoke up.

"Brilliant!" Doctor Director agreed with the plan.

"Oh, you wicked, evil, twisted, demented bitch," Shego grumbled, speaking to her chief. She should have known that Betty would like that stupid idea. She should have run when she had the chance.

"It's a fantastic idea. We could always use more funds and this would undoubtedly help as a great promotion. I hear that plenty of morons watch her show, especially here. It's just brilliant," the one-eyed woman declared.

"Come here," Shego said and she grabbed her boss; she was starting to doubt their friendship. She pulled the brown-haired woman off to the side, away from Lynn. "Are you completely, totally fucking nuts?" the moss-hued officer demanded to know.

"We need money and this is a great promotion for the department," Betty pointed out.

"Why is it every time you need money, you start acting like I'm your bitch to put on the corner?" the pale woman inquired.

"Because you always have good connections. Nobody told you to be born the damn daughter of Isabel Gooding. Look, you do this and you get more days as usual and you get your pick of any assignments that you want," the onyx-eyed chief replied.

"You want me to spend a day with that thing and you're only offering me some shitty days and my pick," the younger woman argued while pointing over to her cousin. Betty knew that Lynn was not the average annoyance, so she was going to have to sweeten that deal.

"I can see your point," the woman in charge muttered. She might have to pay Shego to spend the day with Lynn and she doubted that there was an amount of money that would make the pale woman agree with the things.

Doctor Director tried to think of some way to make up for forcing her friend to spend the day with Lynn. She recalled the blonde pest that she had thankfully not seen in years. She remembered how irksome the blonde was when they were growing up. Lynn was younger than she and Shego were, but she always wanted to be in their mix, messing the mix up as far as they were concerned. It would not have been so bad if she could hang out with them like they hung out with each other, taking shots at each other, verbally and physically. Lynn just was not like that, though. She was a wannabe, a very bothersome wannabe. She would cry or whine or something like that whenever they tried to treat her the way that they treated each other.

"Look, we both know all I have are days, picks, and leeway. It's not like you ask for personal favors very often," Betty stated. She really did not have anything else to give her employee while forcing her to fate worse than death.

"When was the last time we really wanted to ask the other for a favor?" Shego pointed out.

"Right. So, what can I give you aside for a shit load of days and picks to make you do this?" Betty countered.

"You can pull my brain out through my fucking nose," the super-powered woman answered while glancing over at her cousin.

"Not during office hours," the boss remarked.

"You're breaking my balls, Bets," Shego groaned while pinching the bridge of her nose. She could not take working for her friend sometimes.

"It's my hobby if you haven't noticed. We need some money," Doctor Director informed her friend in a pleading tone.

"We always need money," the unsympathetic Shego commented.

"No shit. Just do it," Betty ordered now.

"You're pissing me off," the pale woman stated quite seriously.

"As always. Go ahead and have fun with your little cousin," the one-eyed female said, teasing with her words and expression.

"That's why Will is gay," Shego retorted. She could not think of anything better to say at the moment.

"And you're an asshole," Betty countered.

----------------

Shego frowned as she found herself trapped with her cousin. She silently prayed to be struck by lightning, but it seemed that no merciful deity was paying her any mind. She tried her best to block out Lynn and plot where she could dump a body; she was considering some place with water for several reasons. Her cousin coming equipped with a cameraman was not helping because that made him a witness. Lynn not knowing when to shut up also was definitely not helping because that just made her cousin want to destroy her all the more.

The moss-hued officer was chasing after a pair of jewelry store robbers while her cousin was talking into the camera; Lynn was going on about how she, the daring, great Adrena-Lynn, along with her intrepid cousin were about to take down some criminals. Really, all the blonde as doing was annoying the hell out of her relative and making it harder to go after the thieves because Shego just wanted to turn out and punch her cousin right in the mouth. And then the super-powered woman noticed something else irksome, a familiar looking redhead was a little ahead of her. She really wondered what divine being she pissed off to be having the day that she was having.

"Oh, damn it. Pumpkin!" Shego snarled loud enough for her pet to hear her. Kim slowed down some to allow her mistress the chance to catch up.

"Hey!" Kim grinned when her master was next to her.

"What the hell do you thinking doing?" the green-skinned female demanded to know.

"I got called in," the redhead answered proudly. It was so rare that she was called to help in Go City and she was happy to be of assistance.

"Don't interfere," Shego commanded. She already had a cousin that was probably going to get in the way; she did not need her pet around for her to worry about.

"But, I got called!" Kim whined.

"Stay here and don't get the way," the emerald-eyed female ordered and her pet pouted.

"Yeah, don't get in the way," Lynn concurred. She was running a bit behind them, but she could hear the pair talking.

"And you stop talking," Shego told her cousin.

Kim continued to pout, but she did halt her pursuit of the two infamous robbers. She stopped in front of a building that had some marble steps outside and she parked herself in the steps while her mistress went after to engage the masked criminals. They were known as Pain King and Steel Toe; she did not know where they got those names from, but they should give them back in her opinion. They were very large fellows and seemed to intimidate people mostly during their crimes rather use violence.

Shego fired a plasma blast at the unlawful duo, which got their attention, even though the blast did not connect. They turned to her and she was about to attack them, but her cousin jumped in the way. Steel Toe, who seemed to be wearing his namesake, kicked the blonde right into her cousin with his metallic boot. Both cousins grunted in surprise as they flew back further than they had anticipated and then their flight was interrupted by a wall. They dented the wall and crashed to the pavement. Apparently, all of that muscle was not for show.

"Shego!" Kim called out, hoping that her owner was all right, even though she knew that the pale woman could take a lot more punishment than that.

"Damn it," the officer groaned and then she coughed in a pain.

Kim noticed that her mistress was all right, but the thieves were getting away. The redhead went after them if only to hold them up until her owner was on her feet again. She leaped into action and made it ahead of the two giants with ease. She engaged them in a fight to keep them from getting away. She only planned to be defensive, which she was. She dipped, dodged, and ducked all of their attacks with ease. Big guys were just too easy most of the time, she thought; they were so slow.

"Pumpkin, what the hell did I just tell you," Shego inquired as she came over to join in and take over the rumble.

"I was just acting as a distraction, so they wouldn't get away," Kim explained, purposely sounding as if she was whining to appease her master.

"Well, stop it. Just go stand over there and make sure Lynn doesn't get in the way," the pale female ordered while igniting her hands to take on the two goobers before her.

Kim did not argue because she knew that her mistress would work better if she was somewhere safe. If she kept fighting with Shego around, all she would do was worry the older woman; sometimes, she thought that her owner worried way too much over nothing at all. So, she quickly and easily slipped out of the battle and made her way over to Lynn, who was still seeing stars from hitting the wall and then the ground. Kim flopped down next to the blonde and watched her master work.

The redhead noted that it was a pleasure watching Shego against fellows that could offer up some resistance. It gave her a chance to get an idea of what Shego could do. She had a vague notion of how dangerous her mistress was, but every time that she saw the elder female in action, her vision became clearer. She wondered if one day, just one day, Shego would honor her with a battle and she would not have to play the pet during the match.

"What happened?" Lynn wondered with a loud groan as she sat up.

"You just got bumped a little bit. Don't worry about it," Kim replied while glancing at the blonde and then she turned her attention back to the fight.

"It's you again. The girl from Cassie's apartment," Lynn realized.

"Yup, I'm here," the slim scholar confirmed for lack of a better thing to say.

"What the hell were you doing at my cousin's house? Where is my cousin anyway?" Lynn demanded to know.

Kim pointed over at Shego, who was making short work of Pain King and Steel Toe. It was like watching a movie seeing the officer take on the thieves. Lynn climbed to her feet, slowly, but steadily. It looked like she was about to go back into the fight, which Kim thought was a bad idea considering what happened to her before. She grabbed the blonde by the hand to get her attention.

"She wants us to stay here," Kim informed the television star.

"She probably wanted you to stay here. I'm not a weakling like you. I can take care of myself," Lynn declared.

Wow, Kim thought; she had never met someone so delusional, except maybe her mistress. She guessed that was where the family resemblance lay. She decided that she could not let Lynn be a victim of her own crazy ideas, even though she bet that her master would not object to letting the blonde go get nailed again.

"She wants us to stay here. Those are two very dangerous criminals," Kim stated. She was telling the truth, but that did not seem to matter to the big star.

"She told you not to get in our way, so let me go!" Lynn ordered.

Kim was tempted to let her go just as she was commanded to because of the way Lynn was tugging for her arm back; she would have fallen off balance and undoubtedly had hit the pavement. It would have been hilarious and she would have deserved it. But, the standing command from her mistress was to make sure that Lynn did not get in the way, so she would do just that. She continued to allow the blonde to try to free herself; see, she was an obedient little pet.

"Wow, that was amazing," the cameraman muttered as he watched Shego drop both large men.

"She's amazing," Kim said with pride. Of course her mistress was amazing; she would not be just anyone's pet, not that many people knew she was a pet.

"She pretty much took down two 'wanted' criminals single-handedly. It was great. Too bad we can't use it," the cameraman sighed in a disappointed tone.

"Why not?" the redhead inquired. It was a great fight and everyone would be able to see just how fantastic her master was if they used that footage.

"Because Adrena-Lynn wasn't in it," he pointed out.

Kim sighed; of course they would not use footage where the star of the show was floored with one kick and was being held back by some skinny kid to keep her from getting in her cousin's way. That was too bad; Shego had been magnificent and she had captured two active, dangerous robbers. It was something that Kim would watch over and over again if it came on television.

"It would've been perfect. I mean, that was a great fight and those two are just terrors," the cameraman commented with a sigh. He bet that they would break their viewer record if they had been able to get Lynn on film helping take down the pair of infamous criminals.

"Hey, maybe she'll let them go and we can shoot it again," Lynn was obviously wishing out loud.

"I doubt she'll do that," Kim commented while Shego just rolled her eyes; like hell she was going to release two criminals just for her stupid cousin's idiotic television show. What the hell was wrong with her cousin?

"It's all your fault anyway! If you had let me go, I would've been able to take those two on and we'd have the perfect scene!" Lynn barked at Kim. Apparently, the cranky, irritable personalities came from whatever branch of the family the blonde was from, Kim thought.

"Hey, what the hell are you yelling at her for?" Shego demanded to know when she saw the way her cousin was treating her dear pet. She had secured the perpetrators and was just waiting for the regular police to pick them up. Usually, the regular police would have handled the situation in the first place since the pair did not have any special powers or mutant freaks running with them, but Shego was looking for any assignment to get her cousin's "perfect scene" and then to get the girl the hell away from her.

"She made me miss all of the action!" Lynn argued.

"She saved you from getting your ass kicked," the pale woman pointed out and then she turned her attention to her little monster. "Go back to school or go home," she ordered.

"But, Shego!" the redhead whined loudly for no real reason. She did not desire to stick around if Miss Adrena-Lynn was going to be around.

"Go now. I don't want you around, getting any ideas if something else comes up," the moss-hued woman stated.

Kim made a face to show that she was against the plan, but she did not argue; mostly because she was not truly against the notion of leaving. Shego did not seem to believe that her munchkin would follow her orders, so she escorted the redhead halfway back to school once the criminals were picked up; Shego really did not have anything better to do with her time. Lynn noted the odd behavior being exhibited by her cousin, but she dismissed at first as her family member just making sure that the busybody pest of a redhead was out of their way. But, a call came in halfway back to the school that had her rethinking the reasons.

"Can I—" Kim was going to request that she come along. She could be of great help keeping Lynn from getting hurt and she could see her mistress in action again; the latter part would help her stomach the former part.

"Go to class," Shego commanded.

"But, it's so boring!" the petite hero complained.

"You're the one that wants a degree in chemistry to go along with the bio and math, so it's on you," the elder woman pointed out.

Kim pouted again, but she did go on her way. Shego went to go handle her business along with her bothersome cousin. She wished that she could order Lynn around like she did with Kim and get the same results.

----------------

Shego went home, massaging her temples, trying to relieve some of the tension that was building in her brain. She just could not get rid of Lynn it seemed because Lynn could not do anything right it seemed. The whole day of having a useless blonde shadow with a camera in her face had to be some kind of punishment, she concluded. And then came her daily greeting, which caught her off guard because of her growing headache. It did not help her mood.

Kim practically crashed into her master as the pale woman entered the apartment. Shego made an irked noise as she fell back against the wall. The redhead smiled elfishly as soon as her mistress was in her grip.

"Damn it, Princess," Shego grunted. If only she could muster up the power to hit the kid, she would certainly knock Kim around at the moment because she was beyond irate.

"Welcome home!" the slim adventurer greeted her owner and then she noticed Lynn, who was standing in the doorway and frowning.

Kim released her beloved master since they had an audience. Shego informed her pet that they would be subjected to her "bimbo of a cousin" for a few more minutes, that day anyway. Shego was not sure how many days she might have to suffer through "Adrena-Lynn," but really, one was too many.

The pet nodded to show that she understood and she returned to the living room. She picked up her puzzle cube and started working on that, which she had been doing before Shego came in. The apartment owner went to the back; she had plans to take a nice, long hot, bubble bath to soothe away the mentally anguish of being exposed to her cousin for a whole day. The pale woman had never seen such incompetence before and she felt that it was an insult for her to be related to that sophomoric, so-called action star. She was sure that television editing and movie magic was the only thing that kept her twit of a cousin on the air. The producers of the show probably just wanted a pretty face to go along with something that any monkey could undoubtedly do and with less takes more than likely.

Lynn walked around the apartment since she had been left there; she examined whatever she could see. She made sure not to touch anything because she thought that her cousin might blow up on her. She glanced at Kim every now and then, noting how comfortable the girl was in the apartment. She appeared as if she might be in for the night too, which Lynn thought was odd. Why was it that she was going to be kicked out in a few minutes, but that troublesome kid seemed to be ready for a long stay? That did not seem right or even fair. Who the hell was that brat anyway?

"You know, I never did catch your name," Lynn commented. She noticed that her cousin had called the redhead by two very strange names, so she was not sure which one was the olive-eyed girl's name.

"I'm Kim," she replied, still focusing mainly on her puzzle. She loved the puzzle cube because every time that she solved it, she could just mix it back up and solve it again as a different puzzle. Shego liked it too because it kept her pest busy; she was looking into finding puzzles similar to the cube.

"So, what are you doing here?" the blonde inquired.

"She's minding her own damn business," Shego replied as she entered the living room. She would get rid of her cousin and then go melt in the bath that she had just finished running. "All right, Lynn, time to get out," she informed her relative.

"What about her?" Lynn asked while pointing to Kim. She did not understand why in the hell the kid got to stay. It did not make any sense, especially since her crabby cousin liked being alone more often than not.

"Yeah, what about her?" Shego countered while pointing to the door, as if she believed that her stupid cousin might have forgotten where the exit was.

"Doesn't she have to leave too?" the actress inquired.

"What she has to do isn't any damn business of yours. What you have to do now is get the hell out."

Lynn decided against arguing; she did not want her cousin to call her aunt again. She quietly walked out while wondering about the redhead. Who was that girl? Why was she allowed to stay? Why was that girl allowed to hug her cousin? Why did her cousin seem to like that kid? It was not like the girl was related to Shego or anything, so why was she so special?

Shego sighed in relief as she slammed the door shut; she was happy to be rid of her relative. She flopped down on the sofa and practically tackled her pet. Kim yelped when she was hit and dropped her toy. The pale woman began fervently rubbing her monster's head and she sighed in relief.

"Uh…Shego?" Kim said because of her master bizarre behavior.

"Just be quiet a few minutes," Shego requested. All she needed was to hold onto her brat and everything would be all right, she told herself. All of the baggage from the day would just go away.

The slender scholar nodded; apparently, her master had had a very taxing day. She decided to enjoy being held and touched by her beloved owner. It felt very nice and her mistress was relaxed, so it worked out well for both parties involved.

--------------

Next time: Lynn tries to talk to Kim to understand what her relationship is to Shego.


	34. Gag Thirty Four: Handling business

I don't own these characters and I don't own this premise.

Gag Thirty-four: Handling business

_This is getting border line ridiculous and what I mean is the blonde that won't go away. My mistress' cousin is a piece of work…a bad piece of work, according to my owner. Now, I've sat through her for a few minutes every night this week and I have to admit, she's annoying. I can see why Shego comes in so stressed; it had to suck to be around Lynn all day. I'm glad that I don't have to deal with her._

Kim was coming out of the library on her campus. She was loaded down with books; she could be a real research hound under the right circumstances. She felt very happy to have her books, even though they were for a couple of school projects and not for her own personal use. After she was done with everything at school, she could go home to lounge around and maybe even have a slice of pie, which made her feel even happier. Yes, that would make for e a pleasing day. And then, the day was interrupted and she was pretty sure that the flow was not going to return.

"Kim," Lynn called. She was standing at the bottom of the stairs that were outside of the library.

"Lynn," the redhead replied in a deadpan tone. What was the blonde doing right in front of her?

Lynn had decided that in order to understand who Kim was to her cousin, she needed to speak with Kim without her bossy cousin interrupting them. She had found out that the girl went to school most of the time and she was well-known on campus by students and professors, so quite a few people were able to tell her that Kim was in the library and they had been quite right. It did not seem to cross their minds that someone might be looking for the redhead for something that she did not like, even though many of them knew that she was semi-famous hero and people might be looking to harm her.

"You sure do have a lot of books there," Lynn commented as she got a good look at the petite redhead.

"Yeah, research," Kim replied with a polite smile.

"Must be some tough courses," the blonde stated.

"Not really. Is there something I can do for you?" Kim asked because she doubted that the blonde had come all the way up to her school to have small talk with her. She did not really like the fact that the television star had come up to the school to talk to her about Shego undoubtedly. For Kim, school was her place of business, so it was unprofessional of Lynn to come to her place of business to talk about something personal.

"I was just wondering about you and my cousin," Lynn admitted.

"What's to wonder?" the redhead inquired.

"Well, you're at her house a lot. Are you good friends with her?" the blonde inquired. She would be surprised by that because she recalled her cousin only being good friends with Betty. Sure, they hung out with other people every now and then, but they were always together and the other people were never around long. Sometimes, she was even skeptical that her cousin and Betty were good friends with the way that they treated each other.

"I guess," Kim answered. It was just easier to concur with that than to try to explain everything to someone her master apparently did not want to know what was going on.

"Oh, yeah, I figured that because you hugged her the other day. So, how do you know my cousin?" Lynn asked in a curious tone. She sounded friendly enough, but Kim was a bit apprehensive about her because it was clear that her mistress did not like the blonde female and the fact that Lynn had just popped up in front of her was not helping either.

"She found me in a box like four years ago," Kim answered honestly. She thought that such an answer might get Lynn to leave her alone because of how strange the response was.

"Found you in a box?" Lynn echoed in a very puzzled tone.

Kim nodded and she tried to continue on her way; after all, the books in her arms were not light and she did have other things to do. Chemistry class was not just going to pass itself; although she could pass the ones that she had in her sleep. Still, she had work that needed to be done and she did not have time to waste on a jealous cousin.

"Hey, Cassie likes you a lot, huh?" Lynn said as she followed behind the redhead.

"I guess," the slender hero answered.

"Why?" the blonde inquired.

"Well, maybe because I don't call her Cassie," Kim remarked. She was starting to suspect that Lynn had something to do with Shego hating her real name considering how much she said it.

"Okay, but why else?" Lynn asked.

Kim thought on the question for a moment. There were plenty of reasons that she could think of as to why her owner liked her, none of which she believed appropriate for sharing. There were also things that she considered telling Lynn as to why Shego did not like the blonde, but she did not think that it was polite. After all, she hardly knew the blonde, so she considered that Lynn might not be as empty-headed, deluded, and egotistical as she seemed. It was plausible, really.

Kim was not sure what to tell Lynn in regards to the reasons behind Shego liking her. It was not like she could just say that Shego liked her because she was submissive to the older woman to an almost ridiculous level most of the time. She could not tell her that Shego seemed to enjoy the fact that she was completely able to take care of herself, but instead decided to be totally dependent on the elder female. Well, maybe she could offer up the fact that she brought Shego a great deal of joy and peace in a stress-filled life, but then she would have to explain that and she did not have the time to go into detail on that one.

"Well?" Lynn persisted.

Lynn could not understand why her cousin hated her so much, but liked Kim. At first, she thought that her cousin disliked her because she was younger than Shego was, but she could see that Kim was younger than she was. So, age was no longer a feasible answer as to why she was disliked. Other than that, she could not figure out why her relative seemed to loathe her deeply.

The blonde believed that she could do everything that her elder cousin could, aside for plasma charging anyway. Granted, she did not do everything as well as Shego, but she was close, in her mind anyway. She believed that they were like their mothers where Shego's mother was better at most things, but her mother was close to Isabel, which was actually true of the sisters. So, Lynn believed that she and Shego should get along like their mothers; little did she know, but Shego was not looking to be anything like her mother.

So, while Kim appeared to be little more than a bookworm who probably could not fight her away out of a paper bag, Lynn believed that she was near Shego's equal. She looked at the redhead and bet that Kim was scared of everything too. She looked like such a fragile thing. So, why did her cousin like Kim? Maybe her cousin just felt sorry for the kid, Lynn considered. But, her cousin was not known for taking pity on anyone, so she was still at a loss.

"Look, if we're going to keep this up, you're probably going to have to walk with me a little faster. I've got something that I need to do," Kim said.

Lynn had no problem with tagging along, but they did not talk much. Kim admitted that she did not really know why Shego liked her; she could only speculate why her mistress liked her. The blonde female was not buying that and pressed the issue as they entered a building. They walked to the back and Kim put her books down on a table. Lynn looked around and noticed that they were in a room full of snakes.

"What the hell are we doing in here?" the blonde practically shrieked. She had never seen so many snakes together in her life. From the look on her face, a person might have thought that the snakes were on the floor and not in cages. She looked absolutely terrified.

"It's my day to do feedings. This might take a while," Kim replied. Reptiles might not have eaten often, but to have to feed so many at roughly the same time made things drawn out. She liked feeding the snakes, though.

"Feeding?" Lynn eek-ed out.

"Yeah, I have to feed the snakes. They eat too, believe it or not," the redhead remarked with a smile.

"You're going to feed all of these snakes? Isn't that dangerous?" the television stare inquired.

"Not really," Kim answered.

Lynn could not believe that she was in a room full of snakes and then when Kim brought out the food for the animals, it was too much for the blonde. Kim fed the serpents rats, of course; they were very dead rats. The blonde quickly made up an excuse to leave the room and then she practically fled the building. Kim shrugged; and Lynn had the nerve to wonder why Shego did not like her? The only reason that Shego had not beaten the blonde senseless was because they were cousins and it would bring more trouble into her life than she wanted.

--------------

Shego groaned as her annoying cousin returned to her after their lunch break. Lynn had run off, yakking about having to see something, but Shego had not cared enough to pay attention to what the irksome blonde had been going on about. She had just been happy to see her cousin leaving and she had been equally bothered when the blonde young woman returned. Being with Lynn was possibly the closest thing Shego would ever come to feeling a thousand needles in her eye.

"Hey, cousin, could I ask you about Kim?" Lynn asked as they sat around the headquarters, waiting for Doctor Director to give them an assignment.

Shego would take any assignment. Hell, she would go give away traffic tickets if it got her away from her idiotic relative. Obviously, the boss was not willing to give her just any assignment since it might show up on television.

"You could ask me all you want, but I probably won't answer," the green-skinned officer replied. She was starting to consider taking up smoking again, but then again, she figured that would only end up putting the cigarette out in her cousin's face and she did not need the headache that would surely follow such actions.

"What's her deal? Why is always at your house?" the blonde inquired.

"Because she's minding her fucking business," Shego snapped. Damn it, why did her damn cousin always have to talk about something? She bet that she would be able to stand Lynn just a little bit if the girl shut up every now and then.

"I don't get it. She's always there, at your house, but she's not someone you usually hang out with. I mean, she's just a kid," Lynn pointed out, as if her cousin might have missed that fact.

"Lynn, what I do or who I hang out with is none of your damn business. You know, if you went out and made your own friends, you wouldn't need to give a damn about who I'm with," the older female countered.

Lynn huffed; her cousin was so difficult to get along with. Shego wondered when her moronic family member would stop trying to be her friend. She had one friend in life and so far, that was all she needed. She doubted that her younger cousin would be a good friend if she did need another one anyway. Her cousin…she was just bothersome and Shego wished that she could be rid of her, but she knew that was not possible at the moment.

Shego understood why her cousin was always trying to be around her and she blamed her grandmother for it. It worked in a rather logical manner, in her grandmother's head anyway. Their grandmother seemed to think that they were the second coming of their mothers. They were the same years apart as their mothers and they both appeared like little clones of their mothers. So, it seemed that their grandmother swore that they should get along like their mothers did. Lynn obviously fell for the propaganda, but Shego was not having any part of it. Damn that idea, she had decided way back then as a little girl, but her little cousin kept trying anyway.

The relatives sat around for a while before Betty came around with an assignment. Shego was ready to praise her friend, but she recalled that it was that bitch's fault that she was being subjected to spending so much time with Lynn in the first place. And Betty knew just how horrible it was to spend a minute with Lynn, so she should have a general idea of what kind of hell it was to be around the blonde for hours on end.

Betty could empathize with her employee/friend; she really could. She was no fan of Lynn either. She remembered how the blonde used to follow them around and always end up in tears for whatever reason. She was not as tough as she pretended to be and Betty doubted that it helped matters that she was babied by her mother and grandmother. Hell, even Isabel spoiled Lynn and Betty figured that softened the blonde up somewhat, but it did not add up to her because Shego was spoiled too and she was not a wannabe badass. It did not make any sense to Betty that Shego was even related to Lynn; it did not make any sense that Lynn was even in that family.

--------------

Shego was trying to lose her cousin while staying behind a new annoyance, an elephant-sized mutt with the tail of a crocodile, the horns of a bull, and the teeth of a tyrannosaurs-rex. Apparently, she was pest-control once again when the dog catcher was sick, she commented to herself. She wondered if the day could possibly get any more irksome and then she found out, yes, it could. It seemed that the dog-thing also breathed fire.

"Why me?" Shego asked no one in particular as she avoided the flames.

The pale woman could stand the fire, but while she was busy dealing with that end of the beast, her cousin was dealing with the wrong end. Lynn was slapped with the big, thick tail. The blonde flew into a wall and was knocked unconscious, which let Shego know that the footage being filmed was not going to be used. The green-skinned woman frowned deeply.

"Damn it," Shego growled in anger as the creature barreled toward her.

The raven-haired woman dived out of the way to avoid being shredded by the beast's teeth. The monster growled and turned its attention to a lamp post. It began gnawing at the post until it snapped it in two.

Shego went back at the dog-creature and was almost impaled by its horns. She leaped out of the way and threw a plasma-blast at the canine's foot. It whined like a puppy and went to lick its injured paw. She flung another plasma-blast and hit the beast in the neck. The dog-thing growled and snapped at her. She dodged the bite, but was then hit by its tail. She flew back several yards before landing on her back. She looked up to see the canine coming straight for her. Shego climbed to her feet and went with her instincts the second that the dog was on her.

"Bad dog!" the moss-hued officer shouted and she popped the canine right in the nose.

The dog seemed to be in shock for a moment and halted its actions. It shook the blow off and stared at Shego for a moment. And then it seemed to remember that it was a monster, so it growled at her. Shego was not moved by the noise. She repeated her words and actions. The canine was back to being stunned and shook its head. She stated once again that it was a bad dog and hit him one more time. The beast decided against attacking again. She then ordered that the dog sit and the monster did just that.

"You're incredible," the cameraman commented. He really could not believe his eyes. She had actually just subdued a huge beast like it was a naughty puppy.

"Yeah, I've got a lot of experience with bad pets," Shego remarked with an amused smirk.

"I wish I could use this footage. Have you ever considering being in show biz?" he inquired.

"Nope, too close to something my mother might do. How about you go check on the star of the show?" Shego suggested.

The cameraman nodded and went to go see if Lynn was all right. At the rate that they were going, Shego feared that she might never get rid of her pesky cousin because they would never get "the perfect shot." The problem was, as far as the pale woman was concerned, that they were in real life and Lynn would not accept that all of her screen tricks would not work in real life.

"Wait a second, I could just make it work," Shego thought.

The super-powered female figured that if television tricks could make Lynn think that she was capable of doing the same things in real life, then it should not be so hard to fool her into believing that she had gotten "the perfect shot." She was not sure if Betty would go for it, though. After all, the scene was also supposed to be a promotional video for their department in hopes that it would get their division some money. She merely took into account how irked the chief had to be with Lynn's presence around the office. It turned out to be a good bet.

"How are you going to set this up, though?" Betty asked Shego as she ran the idea by her boss on how to get rid of Lynn. They were alone in her office with the door locked.

"What, can't we just use someone from around here?" the younger woman pointed out while making a gesture around the office to refer to the department employees.

"No, we need someone trustworthy to pull this off. You can't trust these psychos. We have to make sure it never comes out that this was faked," the one-eyed woman replied.

"How about Will? We could force him to do it and he wouldn't say anything as long as you make it clear that he's not to say anything," Shego proposed.

"That's not a bad idea, but Will's not a good actor. He's way too stiff. He would never be able to pull this off," Doctor Director argued.

"Right, we need someone with half a brain that isn't controlled by you," Shego remarked.

"Oh, ha, ha, ha," the chief commented dryly. "At least Will isn't Lynn," she stated.

"You got me there," Shego conceded and then she got an idea. "I know the perfect person for this job."

Betty was curious for only a moment. "You're not thinking…" she trailed off. She did not even want to put that one out there in the air.

Shego nodded. "Yes, I am."

"You're kidding," the older woman said.

"Nope."

"I don't know about this," Betty said in a reluctant tone with an expression to match.

--------------

"I don't know about this," Kim said as her mistress tossed her a duffle bag. They were at home and Betty was there too.

"Don't think about it," Shego replied in a dismissive tone, which showed that she was not going to play her pet's protest much, if any, mind.

"Yeah, just be there on time," Betty ordered the girl.

"I really don't know about this," the redhead objected as she looked down at the bag. The scheme that they wanted her to go through with was rather dishonest and that was why she was so averse to the plan.

"Look, you like Shego, right?" the one-eyed woman inquired.

"Yeah," the hero answered hesitantly. She did not see what that had to do with anything.

"And you want Shego to be happy, right?" Betty continued on.

"Yeah."

"Then you want to help get rid of Lynn, so Shego doesn't have to suffer through her anymore, right?" Betty asked logically.

"Well…I guess," Kim agreed tentatively. It seemed to follow the rules of logic, but she was not so sure. It still seemed like she should concur despite the odd reasoning because it was along the lines of assisting her master. A good pet should be helpful to her owner when she could.

"Then you get out there and you do this. Okay?" Betty commanded. She was probably the only person that could get away with ordering Kim around with the redhead's master right there.

Kim pouted, but she nodded to show that she agreed with the plan. It all just seemed so deceitful, what the two older women had planned. She did not mind helping, but it seemed a bit wrong. They tried to tell her to think of it as a prank at first, but she did not even do pranks, so they dropped that line. They were a little frustrated with her, but they persisted and now she was on board. Shego petted her reluctant girl to reassure her that it was all right and as thanks for her going along with everything.

"Good girl," Shego praised her pet. "I'll make you some spaghetti tonight," she said.

"Really?" Kim practically squealed with delight.

"Yeah, no problem," her pale mistress replied.

The redhead yielded because she had already agreed. At least she was getting spaghetti out of the deal. It was also good to know that no one would get hurt with their "little prank." They were just trying to get rid of Lynn, which Kim was not against. Thanks to that blonde, her mistress came home tense and stressed every night. Sometimes, her master was so out of it that she did not even remember to pet Kim, much to Kim's dismay. So, it would be nice for Lynn to move on.

"Are you sure this'll work?" Betty asked Shego as they went to set everything in motion so that they could get to their plan and get rid of that damned annoying blonde.

"Of course, Lynn's not smart enough to see through this," Shego pointed out.

"I meant trusting Princess with this," the one-eyed woman explained. Hell, she knew that Lynn would never see through it, but she was not sure if Kim could pull it off.

"It'll work. She'll be fine," the green-skinned woman tried to assure her friend.

"Are you positive?" the chief inquired.

"Stop worrying. It's not like you've had to spend the past week and a half with her," the pale woman pointed out.

"I've had to see her for the past week and a half. It's almost as bad," Betty commented.

"Whose fault is that?" Shego quipped. She also would have argued that it was nearly as bad to have to see Lynn compared to being around the blonde. It was agony upon agony to actually have to be near that bimbo.

"Shut up," Doctor Director huffed.

"Look, let's just cross our fingers and hope the hell this works," the younger female stated.

Betty nodded in agreement. She was sick of just looking at Lynn and she did not want to go through it anymore. The blonde was not winning any points by almost getting her best field agent killed in the past week and a half either. Lynn was only in the way and they really needed to get rid of her.

----(New day)

"Cousin, what are we doing here anyway?" Lynn asked as she and Shego strolled into a district of abandoned factories, not that the blonde knew all of the factories were abandoned.

"A tip said there was a weapons' deal going on around here. Be careful and look out," Shego cautioned her little relative.

"When you say weapons—" Lynn started, but she was cut off.

"Yes, I mean guns and shit, damn it," Shego interjected, knowing the stupid question that was going to come.

"Oh." Lynn gulped.

"Just be careful," the officer warned again in an irritated tone.

"I think it's a little late for that warning," a voice said.

The cousins turned around to see a masked, shadowed figure standing on wooden box a few feet from them. The person was dressed in all black and was holding two pistols, which were trained on the relatives. Lynn yelped in fear and Shego sighed; what kind of so-called daredevil was her cousin anyway?

--------------

Next time: the cousins team-up to take down an assailant


	35. Gag Thirty Five: Absolute perfection

I don't own these characters and I don't own this premise.

I don't own Spiderman or Scooby Doo or the Oscar either.

Gag Thirty-five: Absolute perfection

_Please, if there is a god of any kind make this thing work. I need to get rid of this annoying bitch. Being around Lynn is actually worse than being around Hego and that is quite a feat considering what a fucking moron he is. I guess she's worse because at least I can hit Hego, not that the dumbass takes the hint. She doesn't take the hint either and I can't hit her to help her understand or I'll never hear the end of from my mother, aunt, and grandmother. I've got to get rid of her before I go out of my fucking mind. _

"Cousin, what do we do?" Lynn asked. She and Shego were in an alleyway, surrounded by empty, mostly broken down factories and they both had a gun being pointed at them by a small, masked assailant.

"Attack, doy," Shego replied. She would have thought that was obvious, especially since the person pointing a gun at them could not weigh more than a hundred pounds.

The pale woman flung a plasma shot at the little punk threatening them, causing the person to drop one of the guns and wince in pain as the blast connected with one of his hands. Shego ordered Lynn to attack, but the blonde seemed too worried about the other gun to make a move. Shego sucked her teeth and went at the person, who opened fire. The pale woman seemed to dodge the bullets or the gunman just was not a very good shot because none of the bullets connected with the officer.

The cameraman did not care if the criminal was a bad shot or if Shego was beyond human and able to dodge bullets. He just made sure to start filming all of the action that was going on. He was willing to bet it was going to be amazing and he did not care if it was the "perfect shot" or not. He would like to get the "perfect shot" of course, but even if he did not, he would be able to see Shego in action again. He really wished that she would consider going into show business.

The super-powered woman closed the distance and engaged the attacker in a fight to get the gun away from the little punk. The cameraman made sure to get every second of the battle on film. It was almost like watching violent poetry, he thought, because of the way that they were going at with the martial arts. It was beautiful, but it looked painful whenever a blow connected from both Shego and the perpetrator.

It was like a hostile dance with a flow something like a hurricane. The criminal seemed to be just as skilled as the officer and they were trading attacks. Shego moved in for a punch that the assailant dodged by bending to an almost impossible angle. Instead of coming back up, the criminal went into a back flip with the intent of kicking the law enforcer in the jaw. The agent backed away as the masked person stood up right. They went right back at each other.

Shego blocked several kicks from the assailant and then grabbed the skilled punk's leg. She flung the kid away from her. The attacker landed on his back and fell by the other gun. He quickly picked the weapon up. The masked person aimed both guns at Shego and opened fire while getting up to run away.

"Come on, Lynn! We've got to go after him," Shego urged her cousin.

"Right!" the blonde concurred, even though she was reluctant to chase after someone holding two guns. Hey, she could get shot and, like most people, she was not in favor of that.

The cousins went after the attacker and Shego launched herself at the gunman. She tackled the masked person around the waist like an attacking ram. The assailant grunted when he was hit and made another noise when impacting the ground, but quickly flipped Shego off of him. The gunman climbed to his feet, but he had lost his weapons when he was tackled. He looked around and Shego waved a gun in the assailant's face with a smirk.

"Damn it," the masked criminal muttered.

"Get him, Lynn," Shego commanded and then the attacker was suddenly kicked in the back by the blonde.

"Where the hell did you come from?" the skinny punk grunted as he turned around to face off with Lynn.

Lynn went at the gunman, who finessed his way through most of the moves. Watching those two seemed different than watching Shego and the perpetrator. There was a different kind of flow to the battle, if there was a flow at all. It was almost like the visual representation of a scratched song being played, but only to the well trained eye. Most people would more than likely think that it was a good battle.

The blonde eventually caught the criminal with a few kick moves that made Shego frown, which luckily was not caught on film. The pale woman quietly noted that her cousin's style was stiff and slow, but that did not matter. She did not look so bad going against the little punk that had been shooting at them.

"To think she's actually related to me, though," Shego mumbled while shaking her head in disgrace. Was it that Lynn did not pay any attention when they were learning to fight? Was she daydreaming when they were getting lessons? It just did not make any sense for her cousin to be as bad as she was with the mother that she had in Shego's opinion.

The criminal put his hands up, trying to fend off some of Lynn's blows. The blocking did not seem to be enough and he could not get in for an attack of his own. He jumped back to put some distance between him and Lynn and tried to go into his own moves. He caught her with a few punches, but she came back with countermoves.

The masked person did not seem to be any match for Lynn and soon found himself on his back after a few moves from the blonde. Lynn looked like she was going to keep wailing on the little guy once he hit the deck. Shego was about to step in and put the cuffs on the punk, but the criminal rolled out of the way and hopped up to his feet. It was not over yet, which made the cameraman both happy and apprehensive.

The cameraman was happy that they were finally getting the perfect shot. But, after seeing Lynn mess up so many times while they were with Shego, he thought that she might mess up again after doing so well. He guessed that only time would tell and he just made sure to keep filming.

Lynn engaged the masked punk yet again. They exchanged punches and kicks for a little while, but Lynn got the better the gunslinger again. The criminal was on the ground again thanks to Lynn and clutching his shoulder as if he was injured.

"This is some bull," the perpetrator muttered more to himself than anyone else. At least the venture was going to pay off.

"Had enough?" Lynn inquired in a cocky tone.

"No," the gruff voice of the attacker replied and he pulled out a smoke bomb as if he was ninja.

The area was covered in smoke and when it cleared, the little punk was gone. The cousins scanned around for the gunslinger and saw him getting away by scaling a nearby wall. The offender was near the top of the wall by the time the relatives noticed him. Shego charged up for another plasma-blast and threw it at the masked man. The blast seemed to catch the criminal, or so his surprised yelp implied, and he fell from the wall.

"Damn it, this never happens to Spiderman," the criminal complained as he plummeted from almost the top of a twenty-foot wall.

The gunman landed gracefully on one knee, but that did not matter. The cousins were on him and kicking him before he got the chance to do anything else. The criminal put his thin arms up with the hope of cushioning the impact that was going to come from the attack. The blows did send the assailant skidding across the alley. But, the tiny criminal was not down for the count yet.

The relatives went at the small wrongdoer as soon as he was on his feet and continued their attack against him. The offender was not standing for too much longer thanks to the double-team that worked against him. Shego then slapped the cuffs on the little punk and read him her own special version of his rights.

"We're going to have to blip a lot of that," the cameraman muttered as Shego finished up with the rights. He never knew that reading someone's rights could sound so wrong until she was done.

"So, we're going to unmask him now?" Lynn inquired with an eager smile.

"Hey, get the hell off of me!" the criminal ordered while struggling to get out of Shego's tight grip.

"Hey, calm the fuck down. Don't think I won't slap your ass around, even though there's a damn camera going. Is the camera still going?" Shego asked curiously.

"Yeah, I'm waiting for you to unmask the guy to end the scene," the cameraman answered.

"Oh, you want me to unmask the little punk," the pale woman said while nodding absently.

"Yeah, it'll be a good ending," he replied.

The green-skinned officer nodded to show that she understood, but she did not move to unmask the gunman. The criminal did continue struggling, so the super-powered woman did not have a free hand to pull mask off. Lynn volunteered to take the covering off of the criminal's head, which the cameraman thought would make for a better ending since the blonde was the star of the show. The emerald-eyed female did not object, but she did gulp quietly as her cousin yanked the cloth away.

"Whoa, you sure are an ugly one," Lynn commented once she saw the criminal's face.

"I don't see you winning any beauty contests either, fucker," the assailant replied.

The offender was a blue-eyed female as far as Lynn could tell; the blonde considered the criminal was so ugly that it just might be a horrible-looking, small guy. There were scars all over the person's face, a very long one in particular that went across her face from her forehead through her nose and to her cheek made Lynn cringe. Another scar was over the criminal's eye and a pair on her other cheek. She had an earring in her lip and a tattoo on the side of her face that appeared to be some kind of tribal markings. Her face was rounded and her hair was black.

"So, are we done?" Shego asked in a bit of a huff.

"Yes, that was perfect," the cameraman answered with a proud grin.

"It was freaky!" Lynn cheered. Shego and the criminal rolled their eyes. Well, at least it was over.

--------------

"You are a really good girl, you know that?" Shego asked her pet.

The master and pet were in the living room of their home on the floor. The older woman was lying on the floor with her imp straddling her waist. Shego was topless and Kim was giving her mistress a back rub to relieve some of the tension that had built up in her body ever since her cousin had walked into her life. Shego had actually offered to give her little monster a massage in return, but the redhead declined on the proposal for the moment.

"I do try," Kim replied with a smile.

"I was worried for a second when she unmasked you. I didn't think that far ahead. It's a good thing that you did," the pale woman commented.

"You worry too much. Now, I figured that the big thing would be the unmasking for this whole thing, so I could curse you meddling kids, you know," Kim joked. She would have made a funny face to go along with it, but her mistress would not have been able to see the expression.

"What?" the apartment owner inquired in a baffled tone.

"You never watch Scooby Doo, huh?"

"No," Shego answered in a blunt tone.

"I should've known," the redhead sighed. Her mistress was so weird.

"She didn't hurt you at all while she was 'beating you up,' right?" Shego asked to be sure.

She had been padding her attacks on Kim, who had been the "gunman" from earlier in the day to get Lynn her "perfect shot." The blonde, of course, did not know that and had been going at Kim with all of her might; hell, had she known, she probably would have kept on anyway. The pale woman asked about it because Kim had not been in a position to fight back considering the fact that she had to lose the battle.

"No, I'm all right. I was more worried about getting hit with your plasma. When you hit that gun out of my hand, I was nervous. I mean, I thought that it was going to be really hot and everything," the slender female replied.

Shego only laughed a bit, as if she would hurt her good girl. She reached a hand up and patted her pet's leg. Kim smiled because of the attention; she had not thought that Shego would really harm her, but she was not aware that her master could charge down her plasma enough to where it was practically harmless on connect.

As it turned out, the redhead's main concern during the whole ordeal was not her mistress at all. It was slowing herself down enough to make it seem like Lynn knew what the hell she was doing. Kim thought that Lynn would at least be able to do something worthwhile in fighting considering the family that she came from and the fact that she acted like she was so good at something. Whatever she was good at, it damn sure was not martial arts.

She was not very good at recognizing faces either, but then again, Kim had made sure that she was made up beyond recognition for the plan. She had gotten Monique to help her do all of the makeup for her face without telling her friend what it was for the most part; Monique was willing to bet that she did not want to know anyway. They had done it so well that Felix had no idea who Kim was when he came into the apartment.

"So, when do you think that episode will air?" Kim asked curiously.

"Why?" Shego countered.

"I want to see myself on TV. I think I did a good job, don't you?" the younger woman inquired with a smile that her mistress could not see.

"It wasn't Oscar worthy," Shego teased.

Kim pouted, even though she knew that her master was only playing with her. The emerald-eyed woman had been a bit impressed with her pet's performance earlier. Their battle first of all had been a surprise. Now, they both were more playing around than actual fighting because Kim did have to move to fight Lynn next and she could not look too good before doing that or people would question the main event. Kim had done a good job disguising her voice. She had also moved well with the guns and made them seem threatening when all they did was fire blanks. Kim had done a good job.

She continued to work her owner's tense muscles while the raven-haired woman made small noises on occasion because Kim's ministrations; it felt so freaking good. The redhead bet that Shego would loosen up now that Lynn was going back to home. Things could finally go back to normal, the slim adventurer thought. Oh, that was a very promising thought and then Kim felt that she had just gotten a brilliant idea.

"I must be a genius," Kim thought with a huge grin.

The petite hero leaned down and began kissing Shego's exposed neck. She continued the massage and caused her mistress to moan from the attention. Kim nipped at her mistress' ear. Shego chuckled a bit, despite the fact that what was happening was no laughing matter.

"I thought we agreed this was going to be a legitimate massage," the pale woman remarked.

"Did we?" the redhead asked with false curiosity. Who cared what they had agreed on? If they had, indeed, agreed on that. Her master could always be making it up.

"I think we did."

"No, I don't remember that. I mean, why would I agree to that when you're lying here topless? Doesn't seem like something I'd agree to," the slender hero commented and then she pretended to think on matters.

Shego laughed again and then rolled over, throwing Kim off of her. The scientist yelped and flailed her arms as she hit the floor. Shego crawled over her little monster and began touching her abdomen, not in a loving or licentious way. She was torturing her little pet. Kim giggled madly and started trying to wiggle away.

"Don't! You know I'm ticklish there!" Kim protested as she attempted to escape.

Of course Shego knew where her pet was ticklish and she decided to torment her girl for just a little while. It was actually a sort of foreplay. Shego silently realized that she had never had playful sex before getting involved with Kim. Before the little redhead, it was always wild, almost violent encounters with her or boring, almost sleep-inducing incidents. All of her partners before Kim, she did not care if they went home as soon as the deed was done. Sometimes, she went home immediately after doing whatever and did not think about it after the fact, but with Kim, it was nothing like that. Kim was just completely different.

The emerald-eyed woman would never leave the bed after being with Kim and she would not let Kim leave either, not that the thought would ever cross Kim's mind. The petite hero was always to be cuddled after they were physically intimate and she was the only person that Shego ever thought to do that with. The redhead loved the attention, of course, and she would have loved to know that she was extra-special to Shego.

The slim scientist managed to flip her master on to her back, which stopped the tickling, and she straddled Shego's waist. Kim smiled in triumph, as if she had accomplished something, the pale woman noted. The officer sat up and then pinned Kim underneath her. The smile was wiped right off of the olive-eyed female's face. It was Shego's turn to smirk.

"You can't get the better of me, Princess," the older woman commented.

"I can try," Kim replied as she got some leverage and flipped her mistress again.

Shego could not believe that she was on the floor again and rolling around with her pet like some playful scamp. She pinned Kim underneath her once more and she stared down at the petite hero. She wondered for a very brief moment what she was doing there on her floor with a girl that was seven years younger than she was. Really, just what was she doing with the kid? She was seven years older than Kim and they were two completely different sort of individuals. So, really, what was she doing with the kid?

And then Kim flipped Shego, which broke her out of her brief reverie. She grunted as Kim went back to smiling in victory. She crossed her arms over her chest and acted as if she had conquered her master.

"Gotcha!" Kim proclaimed with a large grin.

"You wish," Shego replied and she reversed their positions yet again.

Kim continued the fun struggle until her owner decide that she was going to end the little game by attacking Kim's weakness. The pale woman tickled the scholar, who cried foul play, but that fell on deaf ears. Eventually, the tickling halted and Shego's mouth met Kim's in a surprising kiss, surprising for the younger female anyway. As their tongues danced, Shego began lifting off the redhead's tee-shirt.

The kiss was broken for a fraction of a second to get rid of the offending shirt. Shego went to remove Kim's bra only to find that Kim was still trying to flip them over and change positions. Shego ceased the kiss to give her girl a stern look; Kim returned the look with a mischievous smile.

"Why don't you just give it up, monster?" the pale woman inquired. It was clear that she was going to win, so she did not see why her pet bothered.

"Because I should be on top," Kim replied as if that was the most logical answer.

"What makes you think that?" Shego asked with a baffled face.

"Because I want to," the redhead followed-up as if that was also logical. Hey, for a selfish and spoiled pet, it was logical.

"And why should I give into you?"

"Because I played an extra-good criminal today," Kim said with a very cute smile.

"All right, if you can flip me, it's all you," Shego replied.

Kim grinned because of the challenge; oh, she was going to flip her owner if it was the last thing that she ever did. They went back to passionately kissing and soon they were feeling lovely skin-on-skin contact. Shego moaned as their breasts encountered each other and Kim reached up to caress her master's torso. Shego moaned louder and then noted that her little monster was attempting to flip her again. So, apparently, the plot was to distract her with pleasure and then get her on her back.

"It's not going to happen, Kimmie," Shego whispered into the redhead's ear.

"I'm going to make it happen," Kim replied.

"It's not going to happen."

Kim laughed and went back to trying to turn the elder woman over. Shego was amused by her girl's attempt to roll them over. The pale woman turned her attention to Kim's throat and she began licking the slender scientist's neck. Kim continued on caressing her mistress' chest. It seemed that Kim eventually stopped trying to turn Shego over. She leaned into the older woman's mouth and then reached for Shego's pants, hoping to get rid of those annoying things in a flash.

"You're trying for a lot of things right now, huh, Pumpkin?" Shego taunted the younger woman when she noticed that the redhead was reaching for her pants, but having a bit of trouble taking them off.

"You have to take them off," Kim implored the emerald-eyed female.

"When I'm ready. Unless you're going to try got that one too," the pale woman teased.

The redhead silently accepted that challenge too. She inched herself along the floor quickly and then caught Shego by surprise by taking a jade nipple into her mouth. Shego hissed in pleasure and before she could get her mind together, she was being pants'ed. She felt her slacks pulled down to her knees and then thin fingers were touching her through her panties. And then, she was on her back.

"I win," Kim whispered into tasty pale green flesh.

"Fine," Shego yielded. She silently admitted that she had underestimated her little monster and it cost her, but she would keep the bargain.

Kim grinned; she was the one that got to be in charge of their lovemaking. Shego could not believe that she was about to have sex on her living room floor and more than that, she did not care. She merely wanted to get to it, _now_. The anticipation was becoming too much for both of them. Kim stripped quickly and then rapidly took care of the one piece of cloth that Shego was still wearing.

The slim hero hissed as her cool skin came into contact with Shego's warm flesh. Shego started feeling all over Kim's body, causing the redhead to moan deeply. It really was not just sex with them, they both realized.

There was something about the intimacy with each other. The passion was different when they were together. Everything was just better. They both discovered true ecstasy when they were with each other, not just physically. There was a connection between them that transcended physical pleasure. Being together was just heaven for the pair; it was like they had been made for each other.

----(New day)

Shego and Kim were lounging on the sofa. The pale woman was channel-surfing and caressing her pet's red mane while Kim was busy with her puzzle cube. She was working the puzzle until she heard a familiar voice shouting "freaky" on television. She turned to see that Lynn's show was on.

"Leave it!" Kim begged her master.

"Why? We don't need to see any more of her," Shego sighed.

"I want to see if it's the one with you and me in it. Why do you hate her so much?" the little hero inquired.

"Because she's a fake and a crybaby. When we were little, all she ever did was cry, especially if I joked on her, or if she skinned her knee or if she dropped her ice cream or just about any bullshit that comes with living on the planet Earth. I mean, if I did half of the crap that she did, my mother would've just beaten my ass and told me to stop whining so much. So, I get annoyed with her because she just can't take anything while she pretends that she can do everything," Shego explained.

"Oh, look!" Kim pointed to the screen as images of her mistress flashed across the television.

There were shots of Shego from all of her assignments during her cousin's stay. She looked rather impressive and then they saw the big take down on screen. Kim cheered when she was on camera, even though no one would ever know that was her as the masked criminal and she did come out looking rather bad considering the fact that she was beaten up. She did make the star of the show look rather good, Kim and Shego noted.

It was all good until Adrena-Lynn announced to the world that her cousin was the best. The only problem was that she did not say "cousin" and she did not say "Shego" either; she dared utter the most detestable thing as far as her cousin was concerned. She had said "Cassandra Gooding."

"I'll kill her!" Shego declared, knowing that now a couple of million people knew her real name. "I'll kill her and send her to her mother in a fucking cigar box!" the pale woman proclaimed in a fury.

"Calm down, Cassie," Kim said as if she was dead serious, but she was obviously teasing.

"And I'll kill you too," Shego said and she thumped her pet in the nose.

Kim wailed. "Pet abuse!" she cried in an overly dramatic fashion.

Shego then gathered her girl up in her arms and proceeded to tickle the redhead, who begged for mercy one moment and then cursed her mistress the next. It did not seem like such a big deal at the moment that her real name had just been said on air on a popular television show. Everything seemed all right because Shego and Kim were together.

--------------

Next time: Kim and Shego take a little trip, but this time it's not a trip that Shego planned.


	36. Gag Thirty Six: Jungle cat

I don't own these characters and I don't own this premise.

Warning: I invented two characters for this, Rosa and Maddie, because I couldn't figure out any characters from the KP show that would be good for the roles.

Gag Thirty-six: Jungle cat

_I get to go on a trip. Well, I could go on the trip. There might be one or two problems with it, but I'm pretty sure those can be worked out and I can go. I really want to go, but I do keep thinking about the problems that could pop up. Well, I'm sure we can talk things over. I mean, we can do stuff like that now. _

Kim flipped through a thick stack of papers while walking down the street. She was reading through the documents, even though she should have been paying attention to the street. She dodged people and objects without a problem without bothering to glance up. She was on her way home and she was going to have a lot to talk over with her mistress. She really wanted to do something, but she was a little worried about what came along with her desire.

"It should be all right now," Kim told herself.

The redhead made it home before her master as usual. She tossed her book bag up in the loft without climbing up there. She heard her papers rustling as her bag landed and she silently hoped that she had not ripped any of her things in the loft. She flopped down on the sofa and continued reading through all of her papers. She focused on that so much that she failed to notice her owner enter the apartment.

"Hey, Princess," Shego greeted her pet as she leaned down and kissed Kim's cheek.

"Oh, hey!" Kim replied and she grabbed the older woman around the waist.

"What's that you're got there?" the pale woman asked while rubbing her girl's head. She was looking at all of the papers that her pet holding.

"Oh…a proposal and things…" Kim answered cryptically.

"About?" the older female pressed.

"Well…Shego, what would you think if I went off for about two or three weeks?" the redhead asked.

"Go off?" Shego echoed in a confused tone.

"On a field trip of sorts," Kim explained. She had a lot of apprehensions of leaving her mistress alone for so long. She believed that Shego would get cranky and lonely if she was gone for so long. As a good pet, she did not want that to happen to her mistress.

"On a field trip for two to three weeks?" the moss-hued woman parroted. She disliked the sound of that. Something inside of her objected to her pet being gone for so long. What was she going to do without her munchkin around?

"Yeah. Are you okay with that?" the olive-eyed girl inquired.

"Well, do you want to go?" Shego countered. She was not going to stand in the way if her brat wanted to leave. Besides, it was not like she was going to tell Kim that she would miss the little monster or anything like that.

"Uh-huh," Kim replied while nodding enthusiastically. She really did want to go, even though her master would be alone for a fortnight. It was not like she was leaving forever or anything. She would be back and everything could go back to normal when that happened.

"What about your classes?" the pale woman asked. She tried not to get on the kid about her school work too much, but she did want Kim to do well in school.

"It's all right. I've already talked to my professors and everything. As long as I get good marks on the midterms and finals, I'm in no danger of failing if I miss a few classes," the redhead answered.

"Where would you be going on this trip?"

"A rain forest."

"Well, what would you be doing?" the green-skinned female inquired.

"Helping out at a clinic and collecting reptiles and things like that," the younger woman explained.

"And where will you be staying?" Shego inquired.

"In the village that the clinic is in."

"What about food?"

"Well, I'm packing plenty of ramen noodles, but they'll have food and I'm sure they'll share," Kim answered.

"Who will you be with?"

"Well, Big Mike for one, Doctor Lurkin for another. I think that's about it, but I'm not sure," the slender hero said.

"Guys?" Shego asked and her pet nodded. Kim then realized that her mistress might be a little put off by her being gone for two to three weeks alone with two guys.

"You know…you could come," the redhead suggested with a hopeful grin. She just thought of that out of the blue, but now she agreed with impulsive thought. She would like to spend that time with her master, but she doubted that her mistress would go along with it.

"Come to a hot, smelly jungle?" Shego deadpanned.

"Well, yeah. You don't have to come for the whole time. But, it would be nice if you did. You could come see me in action," Kim declared with a proud smile.

"Why would I want to see a squirt like you in action?" Shego teased and she plucked her pet in the nose.

"Ow!" Kim covered her nose with one hand. "Fine, you don't have to go."

The pale woman left her pet alone to go take a shower and she thought about the offer to go with her munchkin to the jungle. It was weird because Kim was inviting her to be a part of her life. It was not something that she was accustomed to, except for when they went to Kim's parents for that barbeque. She was flattered that her monster wanted her to be a part of her life, so much so that after her shower, she accepted the offer to go to the hot, sweaty, nasty jungle for a week. Kim, of course, cheered loudly to that.

----(New day)

Shego and Kim were strolling down a muddy road. The pale woman was looking around, quietly noting that they never showed what she was seeing now in a brochure. She wondered what the village that they were headed to would look like. Usually, when she went some place, she stayed in a city or at least a resort. She had only seen small towns and villages on television. She was a big city gal through and through.

"So, how long until we get there?" Shego inquired. She did not know why she agreed to walk when there had been plenty of cabs when they exited the airport.

"Like an hour," Kim answered.

"And you're sure you'll be fine for two to three weeks?" the elder female inquired. She could not picture her munchkin being able to stay some place for two or three minutes if there was no electricity, which the girl had informed her that there was none in the village.

"I'll be fine. You'll see. It's a nice place," Kim answered.

Shego did not argue, but she was not too sure if she was all right with her monster being there for a fortnight, on her own. Who knew what her pet would do alone. She might only eat ramen noodles. She might gorge on soda and cookies and bounce around for all hours of the night. After all, no one would be around to stop her and she had already shown that she had some trouble with properly taking care of herself.

"I bet you'll like it," Kim declared while latching onto her mistress for no reason that Shego could see; not that the older woman was going to complain about the affection.

"Why do you say that?" the moss-hued woman inquired.

Kim laughed. "Just wishful thinking, I guess," she replied with an adorable smile.

The green-skinned officer laughed too. She did wonder what the village would be like. She wondered how many people would be in the place. She actually felt curious and she was already a bit happy that she had joined her girl on the journey. She needed to broaden her horizons, she thought. After all, her pet was worldly, so maybe she should attempt to be a little more open and get out of the big cities.

It did take a good hour to make it to the village; Shego finally understood why her pet told her to pack light. As soon as they got there, Kim dashed off, shouting words that should never go together in Shego's opinion. Kim had yelled "Doctor Big Mike!" while running toward the person. That was what higher education had come to, Shego sighed. Boy, she was glad that she had not gone to college.

"Hey, lil Doctor Kimmie!" Big Mike greeted her with a crushing embrace.

"Hey!" Kim grinned, even though the hug was bordering on painful. He did release her quickly, so it was cool.

"Good to be hanging out with you for close to a month," he commented.

"Yeah, what do they have you down for?" the redhead asked.

"Mostly lecturing and demonstrations. Of course, I'll be working in the clinic a little bit too," he answered.

"Cool."

"And what do they got you doing?" he inquired.

"Well, I'm mostly going to be locked up in the clinic. They want to know more about my antivenin," she replied.

"I heard about that. You've got to explain that one to me when you get the chance," Big Mike said.

Big Mike and Kim went back and forth for a couple of minutes before they were interrupted. Their attention was turned from each other to a young woman as she cleared her throat. Kim thought that the young woman looked mighty familiar.

"Kim, you remember Zita, right? You two were in the same grade for like a second in high school," Big Mike commented.

"Zita? Oh, yeah! Hey," Kim greeted the girl.

"Hey, Kim," Zita replied.

"You're working here too?" the redhead asked curiously.

"Oh, no. I just came with Mike because he doesn't speak a lick of Spanish. I didn't want him to be lost for so long," Zita explained.

"Doesn't she take good care of me?" Mike inquired with a smile and he put his large hand around Zita's waist. It then dawned on Kim that she was standing before a couple.

"How long have you two been together?" Kim asked curiously.

"Almost a year," Mike answered with a smile.

"That's great. It's cool how she supports you by coming out here too," Kim said and she looked around the village. "Is Doctor Lurkin here yet?" she asked.

"Yeah, he's in the clinic and everything. Checking on all of the antitoxins and stuff. C'mon," Mike said.

Kim nodded in agreement and grabbed her mistress to enter the clinic, which was a one story stone building. Kim introduced Shego to Big Mike and Zita. Shego did not seem too thrilled, but she did shake their hands.

The pale woman looked around the village to see what she was going to be dealing with for a week. She immediately noticed that there were no telephone poles, but then again, Kim had warned her about that. Her pet had told her that there was no electricity, just no real creature comforts. Shego was willing to try to bear with it, even though she had never done without electricity before. But, if her pet could do it, then she figured that she could do it.

"Kim, you made it," Doctor Peter Lurkin greeted the slender redhead when he caught sight of her.

"Of course," Kim replied.

"Oh, I want you to meet someone who you'll be working with," Doctor Lurkin said and he turned to a young man. He grabbed the young man around the shoulders and spun him around to face Kim. "This is my stepson and graduate student, Gilbert Moss," the blonde doctor introduced her to the young man.

"Hi, I'm Kim," the redhead replied with her typical politeness. She smiled and shook Gilbert's hand, even though it had a clammy feel to it.

"Yeah, the famous Kim Possible. I've heard a lot about you," Gilbert said with a smile of his own. It looked like he was forcing it, but only Shego seemed to notice.

"Good things, I hope," she commented.

"Oh, yeah," he replied.

Shego arched an eyebrow because of the buggy-eyed young man. She instantly did not like the kid, especially since he seemed a bit fake. There was something about him that was not right, but she could not put her finger on it.

--------------

Shego was sitting in a chair, leaning against the clinic building. Kim had been drug off by some kids to go play a game of soccer. She had been trying to explain the reason for the clinic being there to Shego before the children came along. Apparently, the nearest hospital to the village was over an hour away in the city and most of the villagers could not afford many of the treatments anyway if they made it to the hospital in time. The clinic was totally free, right there with a small, but competent staff, and it had saved plenty of lives, especially from snake bites and other toxins.

The pale woman watched Kim with the soccer ball for a while. Kim was not a soccer player and that was completely obvious. She knew the basics, but she was performing tricks thanks to her martial arts and not some great sport's skill. She was then distracted from that sight by the fact that she felt a pair of eyes on her. She looked down to her left and was suddenly staring at a little brat.

The child was eyeing Shego with huge bright blue eyes. She appeared to be about five years old. She was dressed in just a long tee-shirt with some cartoon mouse on it, but it fit like a dress on her. She had rich caramel skin with long, dark brown hair with golden streaks running through her chocolate mane. Her hair curled slightly at the ends; she looked absolutely cherubic. She smiled at Shego.

"Yeah?" the green-skinned woman asked, even though she had already discovered that most people in the village did not speak English.

"You're with Kim?" the child inquired, which almost floored Shego. The kid spoke English almost as well as she did.

"Yeah," the older female answered in a grunt almost because of her surprise.

"What's your name?" the child asked in a low voice. It was not that she was shy, but her voice seemed to be naturally small.

"Shego."

"Oh, then you're Kim's master," the kid said in an awed voice.

The pale woman craned an eyebrow. The brat was really starting to bother her. Why did the kid know about her being Kim's master? That was just plain bizarre, more so than the fact she spoke such good English.

"And who are you, kid?" Shego inquired while trying to keep her attitude in check.

"Maddie," the child answered proudly.

"Maddie, you aren't bothering this woman, are you?" a woman inquired as she came over to the two.

Shego turned her attention to the woman as she came over. The newcomer appeared to be around her pet's age. She was dressed in a sky blue sundress with some laced up sandals. She had long, dark brown hair, like the child's hair, and very dark brown eyes. She was a rather pretty young woman with a healthy tan complexion, Shego noted. She guessed that the newcomer was the child's older sister.

"I'm not bothering her, Mommy. That's Kimmie's master," Maddie informed the woman. It seemed that Shego was a bit off in her guess as to who the woman was to the child.

"Really?" the woman said in a curious tone and she turned her attention to Shego.

"Yeah," the raven-haired female confirmed.

"How lovely. It must be so wonderful to be around her everyday," the woman commented.

Shego was puzzled by the younger female's words. She did not see what was so wonderful about being around Kim everyday. She had to put up with a bunch of whining and crying. She had to watch the little punk to make sure her brat did not eat all kinds of junk food and to make sure that she got the proper amount of sleep, not to mention that her munchkin had a good sleep schedule. She had to wash the kid's hair, trim her hair, lotion her body, clip her nails, and a zillion other things. It was not so wonderful.

"So, you guys know Kim?" Shego inquired.

"Yeah!" Maddie answered with great enthusiasm and a giant grin.

"She's a great person," the child's mother answered.

"Yeah?" the moss-hued officer asked in disbelief. As far as she was concerned, her brat was just a brat. She was an adorable brat, yes, but she was still a brat.

"Yeah," the mother and daughter agreed.

The pale woman turned her gaze to look at her monster. Kim was still playing soccer. She made a move on one little boy and then did a martial art's move to attempt to make a goal. She kicked the ball and most people might have thought that the game was unfair for the team that Kim was not on. And then they would have seen the goalie for the other team and changed their minds. Big Mike caught the ball with no problem as it rocketed toward his stomach; it would have probably been a goal if he was not there. He was big enough to cover two goals with room to spare.

"Ah, come on!" Kim groaned. They were never going to win as long as Big Mike was the goalie.

"Better luck next time, Doctor Kimmie," Big Mike teased.

"She's just a big kid," Shego commented.

"Yes, but that is one of the great things about her. She's a great person. You're lucky to have her in your life," the woman said.

Shego looked skeptical to that. She watched her pet and then noticed that young man, Gilbert, was watching Kim too. He was tucked behind a tree and frowning for whatever reason. He was an oddball, she thought.

--------------

Shego found herself staying in the house of the woman and the child that she met while Kim was playing soccer. It turned out that the woman, whose name was Rosa, knew Kim quite well. In fact, her child had embraced Kim like a sister when the hero finally got away from the other children. Rosa had been more controlled when she embraced Kim, but she had been the one that led Kim to the house, not that Kim needed any directions there.

At the moment, Kim and Maddie were sleeping on the floor of the living room in the small house. They had been bouncing off of each other as if they were on the highest level of a sugar high earlier. They had crashed only minutes ago. Rosa covered the resting pair with a thin sheet right where they dropped; it seemed that she was all right with leaving them there for the night.

"Maddie loves it when Kim comes by," Rosa informed Shego as she sat down in the living room across from the pale woman. She sat in a rocking chair while Shego had the space on the small sofa that was against the wall.

"How often does that happen?" Shego inquired curiously.

"Sometimes every week, but at least twice a month," Rosa answered.

"So often?" Shego stunned to hear that and it showed on her face.

"Yeah, she usually doesn't stay too long because she has a busy schedule. She doesn't say so, but I know she's checking on me to make sure everything's okay. She likes to act like she's just looking for animals or she got called out here or something," the young woman explained with a small, amused smile.

Shego was confused, as she had been most of the night while watching her pet with Rosa and Maddie. Kim seemed very close to the mother and daughter. It was almost like she was a part of their family. For a moment, Shego had even thought of an old saying; it was something along the lines of every cat having another home. She was too bewildered to get upset over that, but she was going to get the full story on it from her pet one day, she silently promised herself.

"Check on you?" the super-powered officer echoed. She noticed that the woman seemed to know so much about her pet.

Rosa laughed a bit and decided to explain the situation to Shego since it seemed that Kim had not done so. She went into how she met Kim. The petite hero had rescued Rosa and several other young women from lives of forced prostitution. She and the other girls returned to their homes in the village and they never spoke about their ordeal with anyone. They figured that they would be able to live normal lives now that they were away from such terrible circumstances. It worked out well for the others, but not her because she was unlike the others; she was pregnant. She had been ostracized by the village and left as an outcast, alone and very scared. And then came her hero, Kim, once again.

Rosa told how she met Kim for a second time by sheer accident. The redhead had been chasing down a runaway leopard cub on a rainy day for a friend, who was studying the cats and raising orphaned felines. The cub ran into a hut that she had been staying for cover from the horrid weather. Kim entered, unaware that it was someone's home, and discovered her, heavy with Maddie in her womb, barefoot, hungry, and cold. The leopard cub quickly became a secondary thought because Kim recognized Rosa and moved to aid her instantly.

Kim took Rosa to a hospital to get her some prenatal care. She brought Rosa shoes, warm clothes, blankets, and all types of food. She seemed to make everything better and while taking care of Rosa, she even managed to catch her runaway leopard.

"The house and everything in it was pretty much provided by Kim," Rosa said with a fond look in her eyes.

Shego nodded; her pet was not only busier than she had ever assumed, but more selfless than the kid ever bothered to show. Maybe that was why Kim never had any money; she was trying to help Rosa. There seemed to be more layers to her lazy brat than she had ever bothered to fathom.

"So, she talks a lot when she visits, huh?" the pale woman asked since Rosa and Maddie knew that she was Kim's mistress.

"She does. Maddie asks her all kinds of questions and Kim always answers. Plus, she likes being humble and we were acting like she was a saint at first. She didn't like that, so she made sure to tell us about her life and how she was just a pet. We really didn't understand, but she says no one understands. I didn't see how she could be just a pet after all she did for us. I mean, she taught us English and she always makes sure we're all right. She's always looking to help, even though we're good now. So, we didn't see how she could be a pet. After all, a dog is a pet. Kim is no dog," Rosa commented.

Shego could only roll her eyes. "Whatever," she muttered.

"She's been a great help, not just to me, but to anyone who needs help. She even bought a new leg for a young man after he lost his in an accident," Rosa stated.

Shego glanced over at her sleeping pet. It seemed the kid was a bleeding-heart, just looking to help wherever she could. Well, talking with Rosa did help explain why her monster was always broke despite the fact that her photographs seemed to sell quite well and she had all kinds of research grants and things. Kim probably just gave her money away to anyone that she came across that needed it, which was pretty much what the redhead did because she always thought that a poor person needed the money a lot more than she did. She supposed what her munchkin did was impressive.

"She's just fantastic," Rosa said with a dreamy sigh.

"You talk like you're in love with her," Shego noted.

"I think I am," the young mother admitted. "But, I'm pretty sure that I'm only one of hundreds of people if she's anything like I think she is. I know she doesn't feel the same and I know I'm not particularly special to her as more than a friend."

"Then why hold on to your love?" Shego asked curiously. She surprisingly was not upset and did not feel any malice toward the younger woman, even though the brown-eyed female had just confessed to being in love with Kim. She was just so engrossed in learning more about her munchkin, trying to understand where her girl was coming from, but it always seemed that the more she learned about the girl, the more of a mystery her monster became.

Another reason that the super-powered female probably did not feel any ill will toward Rosa was because it was hard to do so when the woman had been so kind. She was letting Kim and Shego stay in her home. She had made them a great dinner and offered whatever little she had to her guests. It was difficult to be angry with such a person.

"It feels so good to be in love with someone like her, just to love someone like her. Someone that you're certain will never hurt you, someone you know will make you feel better if she sees that you're down, someone who cares about you wholeheartedly all the time, even if she's not in love with you. You know that she loves you in someway and she always shows that. That's why I think you're lucky to have her in your life everyday. It must be great to have that feeling all the time," Rosa answered.

Shego thought on that. It did feel good to love Kim, especially being loved in return as she was. Her girl always did try to pick her up whenever she felt down. Her pet never hurt her and she was confident that the redhead never would; sure, she scared her sometimes, but that was not the same thing. Kim did care about her all of the time. She did get to experience that everyday and it was great.

"You're completely and totally right," Shego conceded. She was already happy that she had made the trip with Kim on the first day. It reminded her why she wanted Kim around and it reminded her to not take her little imp for granted. She was lucky to have that nutty kid in her life.

--------------

Next time: strange happenings. Gil is nowhere to be found and Kim is called away for a mission while Shego sees furry grasshoppers? What the hell is going on?


	37. Gag Thirty Seven: Monkeygrasshoppers?

I don't own these characters and I don't own this premise.

A/N: Okay, people, there is another cool picture dealing Kim and Shego from this trilogy. My suggestion is to check it out. There is a link on my profile. It's by Kaytrop and it is banging.

Gag Thirty-seven: Monkey-Grasshoppers?

_I guess weird shit just follows me and my pet around. That's the only way I can explain this shit. I mean, it was supposed to be a simple field trip where I could be eaten by insects stupid enough to bite me and my little monster could show off her genius. Now, that had happened and I'm learning a lot about my munchkin, including the fact that she probably has a huge fan club somewhere, but now things have to happen and derail that for the moment. It's always something._

"Kim, have you seen Gil?" Doctor Lurkin asked the redhead as he walked through the entrance.

"Nope," Kim answered. She was in the clinic, showing some children proper first-aid for several minor problems that they might run into, like cuts on their knees and things of that nature.

The trim hero had not seen much of Gilbert Moss, Doctor Lurkin's stepson and graduate student, since she met him a few days ago. He seemed to come and go as he pleased while everyone else did work. He had specific tasks assigned to him just like she did and Big Mike did, but he did not seem to acknowledge those tasks.

She did not think too much of the onyx-eyed boy's seeming irresponsibility. She was not there to judge anybody or anybody's work ethic, after all. She was there to help in the clinic, talk about her antivenin, and maybe collect some cold-blooded critters if she had the time.

"Maybe Mike or Zita has seen him," Doctor Lurkin muttered.

"Possibly," Kim agreed, even though she doubted that since Big Mike had been taking care of his business.

The blonde doctor went to ask Big Mike if he had seen Gil, but the giant had not seen the ebony-haired young man either. In fact, Big Mike had seen less of Gil than Kim and that was quite a feat considering she hardly saw the guy after being introduced to him. The brown-haired young man was much more into his work than looking out for Gil. Hell, Gil was a grown man, so he should not need anyone to keep an eye on him. Big Mike was also enjoying his time in a village way too much to worry about the seemingly antisocial graduate student.

Big Mike was spending his time talking with the villagers as best he could when he was not going about his work. Many of the young men in the village offered to show the giant where he could find some boas for his own research; he might have to enlist Kim to climb for them, though. Then there were some of the children that were trying to teach him Spanish, but mostly they liked laughing and pointing at him. Zita commented that it was because he was so bad at their language and he argued that he was a biologist not a linguist for a reason.

Zita had not seen Gil either and she told the blonde doctor when he asked if she had. Even though she did not have any tasks set to her like Kim and Mike, she had been focusing on more translating for Mike and getting to know the area more than anything else. No one was really paying Gil much mind because he was not doing what he was supposed. If he had been doing his assignments, he would have interacted with people and they might have noticed that he was missing.

Doctor Lurkin moved on from Big Mike and Zita and searched the village. He happened to go by Shego, who was hanging out with Rosa and Maddie. She had been spending most of her time with the mother and daughter, talking about nothing in general. At the moment, Rosa was telling the pale woman about a stew recipe. Shego had noticed Kim eat three bowls of the stuff last night and thought that it would not hurt to know how to make it. It was an exceptionally delicious dish.

"Excuse me, Shego, have seen Gil?" the blonde doctor asked politely.

"Nope, not recently," Shego answered. She had noticed the onyx-eyed young man lurking about the village for the past few days, but she had not seen him lately, which she was glad for. He was a creepy looking fellow and he was always frowning for no reason that she could see. The village was all right in her opinion and even she had not been frowning about being there.

Doctor Lurkin appeared a bit worried since he was not getting any information regarding his stepson. He decided to move on. He really wanted to find Gil because the young man had been forsaking his duties since they arrived days ago. He did not bring Gil along to slack off, but to show him how two outstanding former graduate students behaved and how he should act when he went on field trips.

"Who's Gil?" Maddie asked curiously. She was sitting on the ground while the two women were on chairs. The child was playing with a certain puzzle cube and messing up the green side that had been solved.

"The creepy kid that doesn't talk to anybody," Shego answered.

Maddie shook her head because she had not noticed anyone like that. Shego waved the issue off because Gil was not important. He seemed like a lazy kid and he probably only came along on the trip because his stepfather forced him to. He should just go home if he was going to mope, she thought.

--------------

Kim sighed as her attention was drawn from her task, which was dangerous considering the fact that she was handling a venomous snake. Most people would want to focus on the harmful serpent more than anything else, but she tried to tend to other matters while making sure to keep a good hold on the reptile. She put the serpent down as her Kimmunicator went off again; the snake had just been removed from a person's home. She pulled out her communication device.

"Go, Wade," Kim answered the call while grabbing the snake again as it attempted to get away. She bagged the limbless creature and held the sack away from her. She knew that on some occasions the snakes actually bit through the bag.

"Hey, Kim, Professor Akari hit up the site to report a break in," Wade reported.

"Cool. I'm like two feet away from him," the redhead commented.

"Two feet?" he echoed in a baffled tone.

"Well, not really two feet, but closer to him than usual. I'll go talk to him," the petite hero stated.

"What are you doing that close?" the computer genius asked curiously.

"Clinic work. I'm so glad to see this place is running so smoothly and nicely. Hopefully, it'll only get better."

"You are a busy woman," Wade noted. He did not know how she did it because just hearing about her life made him tired.

"I try. Let me go talk to Professor Akari before something else comes up."

"Later, Kim."

"Later, Wade."

Kim put away her Kimmunicator and made sure that she thoroughly secured the snake that she was handling before she went off to go handle her new business. She put the snake away and then set off, only to return moments later for the snake as she realized that she could set it free far from the village while she was gone. She held the reptile in a plastic container and then set out on her journey to see Professor Akari. She caught her mistress' attention.

"Pumpkin, where are you going?" Shego called when she noticed her pet going off in the direction of the rain forest.

"I need to go see a guy about a break in. It shouldn't take too long," Kim replied.

"A break in?" the green-skinned woman echoed in a baffled tone. Who was getting burglarized in the jungle, she wondered.

"Oh, let's go!" Maddie suggested and she dashed over to the redhead. She leaped onto Kim's back, which caused the slim scholar to lurch forward. She caught her balance and thankfully avoided dropping the container that she held. They could have been in a spot of trouble if the snake got free.

"You don't need to come. You can stay and bug Shego," Kim told the little girl with an amused smile.

"I can bug her later. Let's go!" Maddie cheered; her chocolate eyes sparkled at the thought of going on an adventure with Kim. Hey, she was only four, so just about anything counted as an adventure to her.

"Okay, fine. Rosa, it seems I'm taking your daughter with me," Kim informed the young mother.

"Be careful with her," Rosa ordered in a gentle tone.

Kim only offered her a smile and nod. She trotted off with Maddie on her back and the snake in her hand. She planned on jogging to Professor Akari's tree house and she wondered if she would be able to do such a thing with Maddie on her back; she was going to find out. Shego watched the pair as they departed.

"I can't believe you're trusting her with your four-year-old daughter alone in a jungle," Shego commented.

"She's responsible. I know she'll take great care of Maddie. She always does," Rosa replied.

The pale woman only shook her head, not really disagreeing, but it was the best that she could do. She could hardly believe how different her pet was out in the world compared to in the apartment. She was still active and cheerful, but she was way beyond that. She was beyond her abnormal status that Shego first thought the girl had. Kim was truly a hero, especially since she did not do anything that she did for praise or reward. She was proud to have Kim as her pet.

"What the hell?" Shego said as her thoughts were thrown off by a passing grasshopper.

The green-skinned woman would not have thought anything of the insect, except there was something odd about it. The grasshopper was furry. Not only was the insect sporting a hairy coat, but it had a tail like a monkey, but fit for a creature insect-size. A few more of the curious critters hopped by and Shego could not help arching a confused eyebrow. She could also tell from the equally bewildered expression on Rosa's face that the furry bugs were not typical of the local fauna.

"Do you get the idea that something fucked up is going on?" Shego asked.

"I do know that's not normal," Rosa replied. Since when did grasshoppers have fur like apes? What was going on?

--------------

Kim made sure to keep a good hold on Maddie as she trotted through the lush, green jungle. She had already gotten rid of the snake because she was not interested in having to be cautious with the serpent and the child. She did not want to risk any sort of accidents while she had a child in her care.

Maddie was laughing as Kim leaped through the trees with the agility that the girl would have likened to a monkey. They came to Professor Akari's home and Kim scaled the tree with great ease, even with Maddie on her back. It seemed that she was strong enough to work without difficulty even with the girl piggybacking.

"Kim!" Professor Akari greeted her as she came in. "You got here fast," he noted.

"Yeah, I'm not too far from here today. So, what happened? Do you know what was stolen?" the redhead inquired while she slid Maddie to the floor to allow the child to explore the new area, as she knew the girl would want to. The child wasted no time going to look at everything that she could and, boy, there was a lot for her to look at, not to mention touch.

"I think some of my grasshoppers were stolen. Some of my research too seems to be gone. It was about changing the genetic makeup of bugs…although I never made it very far in that…" he trailed off because it did not seem very important to him.

"Well, did you catch it on film?" she inquired since she knew that he was not very much into organizing and that made it difficult for him to know if anything was taken from him.

He nodded. "Oh, yes, I did."

Kim nodded for lack of a better thing to do and Professor Akari went to show her the tape of everything. Kim kept an eye on Maddie to make sure that the child did not hurt herself or any of Professor Akari's insects. It was all right until Kim noticed Maddie about to eat a huge beetle.

"Maddie!" Kim called.

"Huh?" the girl asked.

"Don't eat that. That's his bug," the redhead scolded the child.

Maddie pouted, but she did put the bug down; it was hard being four sometimes. She thought that the beetle looked tasty and she did eat insects on occasion. She guessed that since it belonged to someone else that was why she could not eat the bug.

Kim turned her attention back to Professor Akari's security screen. They did not get a good look at the thief, only the back was visible if anything at all throughout the film. So, all they knew was that the thief had short, black hair and was probably a male from the shape of his back. Kim looked around for clues, but it was really hard to find anything in Professor Akari's place. After a few minutes, she considered giving up and then her Kimmunicator went off.

"What's the sitch?" Kim answered the device.

"Princess, where are you?" Shego inquired.

"I'm wrapping things up. Did something happen?" Kim asked. She was not sure if she should be worried as a pet or just someone who liked the village because she did not know the nature of the call.

"There are some really freaky bugs around here and the village is acting all buggy about it. So, Rosa wants you to bring Maddie back because she'd feel more comfortable with her where she could see her and I'd feel that way with you, so come on back," the older woman ordered.

"Yes, ma'am," the redhead answered and Shego did not have to see her girl to know that she was saluting, which she was. Kim also wondered what in the world was going on.

The petite hero explained to Professor Akari that something else required her attention for a moment, but she would not forget about his problem. He was very understanding of everything. She bid the short male goodbye and she grabbed Maddie. The child had what appeared to be a tiny stick in her mouth, only the stick was wiggling. Kim decided against asking what Maddie had in her mouth, mostly because she could guess what it was. The little girl eventually swallowed the moving stick as the redhead held onto her and climbed out of the tree-house.

They started toward the village faster than before. Maddie was having a good time on Kim's back again as she navigated the rain forest with ease. The girl was giggling as they moved. When they got back, Kim saw what Shego was going on about because she could see the crazy bugs.

"Monkey-grasshoppers?" Kim commented as one hopped by her.

"Grasshopper-monkeys," Maddie argued.

"No, if they were grasshopper monkeys, they'd be more monkey-like than grasshopper-like," the redhead countered.

"Nah-uh, they're grasshoppers, so that should come first in their name," the little girl stated.

"No, the name comes from what they're more like and that's why it should be last. They'd be more monkey-like than grasshopper-like if they were grasshopper-monkeys," the hero continued on.

"No, they wouldn't," the child said.

"Yeah, they would."

"No, they wouldn't."

"Yeah, they would."

"Will you two quit it," Shego ordered as she and Rosa approached the younger pair.

"What's up with the monkey-grasshoppers?" Kim inquired.

"Grasshopper-monkeys," Maddie corrected the scholar.

"Look, they're just furry grasshoppers, end of story. Did you two see anything weird on your way here?" the pale woman asked.

"No, we didn't. What direction did they come from, if they came from a specific direction anyway?" the trim adventurer asked while looking around. The insects were there now and did not seem to be coming from a particular direction. They were just wandering the village and worrying people that knew furry grasshoppers were not normal.

"There." Shego pointed slightly to the left of where her pet had just come from.

"I'll go check it out," Kim volunteered.

"I'll go with you," the moss-hued officer said because she did not have a good feeling about the weird insects around the area and she would like to keep an eye on her careless pet.

Kim did not argue and she handed Maddie over to Rosa. She told the mother and daughter to go wait for them in the house and they agreed to that. She and her mistress dashed off in the direction that the "monkey-grasshoppers/grasshopper-monkeys/furry grasshoppers" came from. Shego silently noticed how easily her monster moved through the tropical rain forest and all she could think about was how she did not know the kid as well as she thought she did.

Kim, on the other hand, noted how her master was not put off at all by their setting or circumstances. Shego was going through the jungle almost like it was the streets of Go City. She was not disturbed or worried about anything in the tropical forest. She just charged forward. It impressed Kim because she could not think of another person that was like her mistress; she was proud that Shego was her owner.

They ran until they came to a large lake. They looked around the body of water and they could see a plastic container and a mass of hair-covered grasshoppers. Kim picked up the container; it was large enough to hold about a pound of insects. It had a sticker on it.

"This is from Professor Akari's lab," Kim said as she read the sticker, which was a label that read "property of Akari."

"Can he explain what's going on then?" Shego inquired.

"We can go see. Do you mind taking a jog?"

"Let's roll," the pale woman answered.

The duo took off toward Professor Akari with the hope that he could explain what was going on. He could not explain the furry grasshoppers. He just knew that he was missing grasshoppers, but his did not have any fur on them. That did puzzle Kim since she was pretty sure that the grasshoppers were his, especially when he said that the container they returned to him had held his stolen insects. Something weird was definitely going on.

The two women returned to the village and found everyone trying to calm down from the freaky invasion that seemed to be just passing through. Someone had suggested that creatures were demons and most people retreated to their homes. Kim and Shego did not buy the demon thing, but they were more willing to blame what Shego considered more evil than a million demons: science. Kim had learned that it could go either way and she suggested that they wait and see if the bugs were demons or science gone awry, as it usually was in Shego's opinion.

Kim actually would have been with the villagers on the demon thing, but it seemed too coincidental that Professor Akari was missing grasshoppers and now there were furry bugs were wandering the area. So, she was willing to bet that science had something to do with things. She did not understand why someone would use science to make hairy grasshoppers and then just let them go. The critters were not even doing anything menacing.

--------------

Rosa's house was dark and still; it was the middle of the night. Kim and Maddie had spent the night arguing over the "monkey-grasshopper/grasshopper-monkey" problem and had fallen asleep after Maddie declared herself correct because she was younger. Kim had not been able to debate that fact; well, she pretended that she could not anyway.

When it was decidedly bedtime, Kim crawled over to her mistress and fell asleep right on Shego, who was sitting in the corner thinking about the strangeness of the day and trying to figure out what was going on. Rosa supplied them with a blanket and then cast the pair a lingering look while going to her bed that Shego did not notice; well, she pretended not to notice. Her thoughts shifted at that moment.

The pale woman pondered how Rosa told her that there were probably hundreds of people like herself, namely in love with Kim. To think, the girl had hundreds of fans, admirers, and lovers in a loose sense of the word. It was amazing, almost overwhelming because out of all of the people that she could have had, out of all of the things that she could have had, Kim chose to be with her. Kim loved her. Kim stayed with her.

"Fine, so I'm lucky," Shego conceded while kissing her sleeping pet's forehead.

Yes, she was lucky to have Kim in her life. The redhead was an incredible girl and she thought it would be a good idea to remember that. She supposed that she was not only very used to Kim being her lazy pet, but also she was just used to meeting people incapable of doing anything complicated at all, so that she could not count herself lucky when meeting anyone at first. But, ever since she opened that box outside her home and found what she had sworn was a dead body, she now understood that was luck.

What would have become of her if Kim had been left just ten feet further away, namely out of her path? What if Kim had just been propped up on the sidewalk to look like a drunk kid? She was not sure what would have happened, but she was pretty sure that she would not have paid things any mind if they happened that way. Luck had been on her side.

She did know that she would not have been in a hot, humid jungle for one if she had not met Kim, but she even liked that. She was not a spoiled city girl; her father used to drag her out into the woods to go camping with her brothers when she was younger sometimes, so she had no problem with being outside in the wilderness. But, aside for that fact, where would she be with her enthusiastic brat? She did not know and she did not care to think about it. She was where she was and she liked where she was.

Shego settled into the corner that she had been sleeping in for the past few days; Rosa did not have a spare room, despite the fact that Kim visited very often. The moss-hued female adjusted Kim, who was using Shego as a mattress for the most part. She wrapped her arms around the smaller female and then closed her eyes to get some sleep. With luck, they would not have to deal with weird, furry insects later on.

----(Next day)

"Has anybody seen Gil?" Doctor Lurkin inquired while walking through the village.

"He loses this kid a lot," Shego noted, speaking to Rosa, who was pretty much the only person that would speak to her. Her green skin and horrible attitude pretty much kept everyone away, much like in Go City; actually, it was pretty much like everywhere she went in her life.

"You'd suggest a leash, wouldn't you?" Rosa remarked with a small, teasing smile.

"Man, she told you about that too?" Shego asked with an amused smile of her own. She was not ashamed that she had put the petite redhead on a leash because she believed that was what things called for at the time.

"Yes, she said that she used to choke herself on it a lot," the younger woman commented.

"Yeah, when she gets excited, she seems to forget that she's a genius," Shego replied and then her attention was turned to something else bizarre. "What the fuck is that?" she wondered out loud.

Rosa turned her attention to where the older woman was looking. She could not believe her eyes. The sight before her dared to top the furry grasshoppers of yesterday. They were looking at a snake with feathers and wings and it was flying. The serpent was about six feet long and a bit thick with feathers that probably belonged to a parrot before the snake managed to get them. It almost looked like a dragon. Okay, that definitely topped the furry insects, they both silently decided.

"What is going on?" Rosa wondered in disbelief. She had never seen anything like what was happening, which was amazing considering how close she was to Kim. Kim's work usually did not follow her to the rain forest.

"Damn it, I hate science," Shego sighed.

--------------

Next time: Find out just what the hell is going on.


	38. Gag Thirty Eight: Serpent hater

I don't own these characters and I don't own this premise.

I don't own Frogger either.

Gag Thirty-eight: Serpent hater

_You know, in my short life, I've seen and been a part of a lot of things that don't make much sense. Hey, I'm a person's pet and that doesn't make sense to a lot of people. So, it's hard to surprise or shock me, but I still do wonder "what the hell?" quite a bit. Because seriously, just what the hell do some people think they're doing? How the hell do certain things make sense to anyone? I mean, first the monkey-grasshoppers and now this._

"What the hell?" Kim muttered in sheer disbelief as she spotted what her mistress had already noticed, a feathered serpent flew through the village. "Quetzalcoatl(1)?" she thought to amuse herself. Although she had always figured Quetzalcoatl would be bigger.

"Princess," Shego called from several yards away. The redhead had been on her way to the clinic, but she was now delayed.

"I see it," the petite hero replied, knowing that she was being paged because of the flying snake.

"What the hell?" Shego said as she walked over to her pet. She thought that her pet might know something about what was going on since Kim spent so much time in the village.

"I really don't know," Kim admitted with a shrug. "Do you see anymore?" she asked while looking around for more flying serpents.

"No," the pale woman answered while scanning the area.

"I wonder what's going on."

"Is it usually this exciting around here?" the elder female asked as a joke.

"Typically, no," the slender adventurer answered. It was usually such a quiet little village. Things got exciting usually if someone caught a big fish or something similar to that.

"I feel special that it's happening while I'm here," the moss-hued officer remarked dryly.

The pair remained on guard for a few minutes, but they did not see anymore feathered snakes. They decided to dismiss the issue for the moment, until something else happened anyway. Kim went back to work in the clinic and Shego went back to relaxing with Rosa. They did keep an eye out for any strange circumstances and they were not let down.

The redhead had come out of the clinic at lunchtime to play soccer with some of the children. It was an adventurous game again since Big Mike came back to play as goalie. Kim still had some fancy moves to show off, even though she knew that the only way she would be able to make a goal was to kick the ball through Big Mike's abdomen. She was not even looking to see if she could hurt him with the ball, so she was not going to attempt kick it through him.

The group playing soccer was having a good time, even though Doctor Lurkin interrupted them a few times looking for Gil. No one had seen Gil, just as before. But, he seemed so worried about the young man that Kim volunteered to help him locate the missing graduate student. When Kim was walking away from the game, everyone else pouted because now they had to rearrange everything to make things even. The game was not as fun when she was not playing.

The slim hero did not make it far from the "football field" before she was hit with some dark green slime. She was knocked back and stuck to a tree by the foul-smelling mess. She grunted on impact and then looked up to see what just happened. She spotted an amphibian creature belching a sticky projectile at everyone.

"Hey, what the hell are you doing?" Kim demanded to know while attempting to pull herself free of the goo that was covering her.

"I'm making everyone see the light," the creature answered in a familiar voice.

"What are you even talking about? Who are you?" she inquired in a forceful, but curious tone.

"I am Gill!" he declared proudly while continuing to trap people with his muck. He was planning to catch the whole village and he was doing a good job of it.

"Gil Moss?" Doctor Lurkin inquired.

"That's right, but with another 'l'," the monster confirmed.

"Well, at least we found him," Kim muttered. She did not seem too worried about being stuck to a tree, even though it did feel rather gross.

Gill eventually slimed most of the people that were outside, including any children that were out there. Shego hurried Rosa and Maddie into their home the second that she noticed what was going on; she had to run and retrieve Maddie from near the clinic before getting her to safety. Once the mother and daughter were safe, Shego sneaked out of the house to access the situation to decide just how she was going to make Gill regret his actions without him noticing her. No one just slimed her little monster and got away with it.

"Gil, why are you doing this?" Doctor Lurkin inquired; he was bound just like everyone else. He was stuck to the wall of a house. He would agree with Kim that the substance was gross, touching his skin as it was; it was like swamp mud mixed with glue.

"Why? Because I'm sick of her!" Gill proclaimed while pointing a now clawed finger at the Kim.

"Me?" the redhead asked in a puzzle tone. How in the hell was he sick of her when she had only just met the guy and they had not even spent five minutes together?

"Yes, you!" Gill said and he continued to point a threatening claw at the petite hero.

Shego did not like the looks of all of the pointing and she sprang into action without a plan, which was atypical of her. She dashed over to the young man/monster and kicked him away from her darling pet. She commanded him to stay away from her girl while he hit the dirt; her exact words were "my girl." Luckily, because of all of the excitement going on, no one noticed. She could have always said "my pet" and really raised some eyebrows.

"Shego!" Kim grinned as soon as her mistress appeared. Well, she guessed that she did not have to do anything except relax and let her owner take care of everything. It was not like she _needed_ to save the day or anything like that, so she would leave things to her master.

"I'll take care of this little bastard and then get you out," Shego told her munchkin.

"Okay," Kim agreed. She would have shrugged if she could move her shoulders. She supposed that it would be a bad pet thing to point out that Shego was treating her like she could not do anything, so she did not say anything.

"What the hell is your problem?" Shego asked Gill since he obviously seemed to think that he had some burden and he had to take his frustration out on innocent villagers.

"Kim Possible is my problem. I'm sick of everybody acting like she's so damn great. She's just a busybody bitch. I'm just as good as she is, but has anybody recognized my genius? Given me my doctorate? My research is way better than hers," Gill proclaimed as he climbed to his feet. "I mean, look at me," he said.

"So, what you're saying is you did that to yourself?" Shego asked. She would not believe it, even if he affirmed it. Who the hell would do that to himself and on purpose? After all, he was a big frog-thing.

"Yes! I did this to myself to prove that I'm better than her," Gill answered.

"By turning yourself into a big mutant fish-frog?" the pale woman inquired in a bewildered tone. She did not see any intelligence in that move. She knew that her girl would never do anything so stupid and pointless in the name of science or to be recognized.

"Yes! I mean, this is totally brilliant! Much better than her stupid antivenin."

"So, your mutation saves lives?" Shego guessed. She really was looking to gain some understanding as to why anyone would want to be a big toad.

"Oh, does it make you immune to snake bites, like cobras are?" Kim asked enthusiastically.

"No," Gill replied and that deflated the slim redhead.

"Oh, what about give you toxins like some toads and frogs?" Kim inquired with a bit of energy. Amphibians were not as great as snakes to her, but if he confirmed that, she would think it was very cool.

"No," he answered, which deflated the slender adventurer more. Really, what was the point of him being some huge frog if he was not immune to poison or poisonous himself? What a waste of science.

"So, what you're saying is your just some projectile vomiting fish-frog with no realistic purpose whatsoever," the green-skinned female reasoned.

"No! I'm cool! I'm the greatest scientist ever and I'll show everyone," Gill proclaimed with a diabolical laugh.

"Seems like the typical mad scientist to me," the officer muttered.

Shego decided that she had enough of the mutant lunatic. She tried to attack him, but he kept her at bay with his sticky spit. He did not hit her, but she could not get near him. Shego got aggravated with how everything was not going her way and she ignited her hands. Gill gasped in fear for a moment because he had never witnessed such a thing before. He then got over his panic and went back to flinging his disgusting glop of spit in her direction.

The raven-haired officer was now unfazed by the monotonous attack because she was able to burn most of it away before it touched her. "Hey, science geek, don't you know anything about plasma?" she taunted the young man/monster since he continued to spit at her.

"I'll get you yet," he stated with confidence.

"You see, plasma is hot as Hell," Shego commented.

Gill growled in anger as the pale woman continued to melt his spit. He started backing away as she came closer, but he was not fast enough to escape the well-trained martial artist. She was on him in a flash and she kicked him in the chest as her first assault. He grunted in pain when the blow landed and he flew several yards away from her. He hit the ground hard like a rock and coughed in agony.

"Be careful with my boy," Doctor Lurkin pled with the green-skinned female.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. If he didn't want to get hurt, he wouldn't have turned himself into a deranged fish-frog," Shego replied flippantly. She was not looking to take it easy on someone not only looking to harm her munchkin, but also mock the work that Kim did. His actions were unforgivable.

Gill stood up and charged Shego in a rage. It seemed that he did not like being dropped by a woman and while transforming himself into some freak fish, it did not help him gain intelligence. He went at her again and it was clear that he was probably a street fighter, but that did not mean anything to her since she had handled street fighters all her life. She easily dropped him a second time with one well placed punch.

Gill spit out some blood as he dropped to the dirt. He then did something that might have been impressive if anyone liked Gill anymore; he turned invisible. Shego did not seem intimidated by the ability, even though she could not see her opponent anymore.

"You're only making this harder on yourself," Shego informed Gill, whenever he was.

"I don't think so," the mutant replied.

Shego shook her head; he really was not the brightest freak of science that she had ever met. She could tell that he was behind her from his voice, not to mention the sickening smell that came along with him, and she kicked at the air; or so it seemed to those watching. Gill grunted and his camouflage slipped a bit. She went at him again while he was visible and she did not let up. He dropped after less than a minute of being punched around.

"Way to go, Shego!" Kim cheered and she surprised her mistress by embracing her from behind.

"What the hell? How'd you get free?" Shego inquired. She could have sworn that her pet was still bound to the tree.

"Pocket knife," Kim answered while holding up the aforementioned weapon. She never left home without one.

"How long have you been loose?" the pale woman inquired in a suspicious tone.

"I just got free," the redhead replied. She had taken her time because she could tell that her master had everything well in hand.

"All right. Go get something to hold this idiot," Shego ordered while nodding toward the fallen mutant.

Kim saluted and ran off while her mistress made sure that Gill did not move. He was too hurt to do much and Kim quickly returned with ropes to bind the young man. While Shego wrapped the mutant up nice and tight, Kim started cutting people free from the slime that Gill had covered everyone in. Shego joined in when she was done with fish-boy and she burned through the muck to free folks a bit faster than what Kim was doing with the pocket knife. Before long, everyone was free and Doctor Lurkin was trying to protect his stepson from a lot of furious people. They were not listening to anything from the blonde doctor until Big Mike and Kim stepped in to protect Gill also.

Doctor Lurkin decided to leave the village early to get Gil some help and return him to his normal body. Gil spent his time being tied up and raving about how he was better than Kim and his transformation proved that. He declared that his mutation formula worked, not only on humans, but insects and reptiles as well; it appeared that he was the one that changed the grasshoppers into furry creatures and the snakes into feathered dragons. Once he stated those facts, Kim wanted to know if he was the one that burglarized Professor Akari's place.

"I heard he was doing some research similar to mine. I wanted to see how far along he was in his thoughts. He didn't get anywhere compared to me. Nothing. See, I'm brilliant!" Gill proclaimed and he laughed.

"Okay, mystery solved. Can you get Frogger out of here," Shego said to the kid's stepfather.

Doctor Lurkin and Gill left the village a day before Shego did. The pale woman would have stayed the full two weeks with her pet, but when she called Betty to use some more vacation time, the one-eyed woman was not trying to hear that. She ordered that Shego get her pasty green ass back to work; it was her way of saying that the idiots at the department were screwing up and she needed someone competent around before she went mad.

"You two take good care of my little monster," Shego said to Rosa and Maddie as she was getting ready to leave.

"We will," Maddie promised with a grin.

"Don't be scared to pop her on the nose if she acts out," Shego added.

"We will!" Maddie once again vowed.

"And you be good," Shego ordered Kim.

"I will. Are you sure you don't want to walk with you back to the city?" the redhead asked.

"I'll be fine. I'm a big girl and you have a job that you need to do. Just be good," the pale woman replied.

Kim nodded and she latched onto Shego in a crushing embrace. Shego grunted and then Kim kissed her deeply. Shego accepted it, even though she was against such public displays of affection. She then rubbed the top of Kim's head before setting out to catch her flight; she had a long, lonely walk ahead of her.

--------------

Shego returned home with the knowledge that she was going to be alone for a week. It was not the same as the other times that she had been without her pet for extended periods of time. Before she did not know if or when her munchkin was returning, but now, she was aware of the exact day and time. Hey, she could even go pick her girl up if she could get off work earlier. So, she was more all right with being alone in the apartment than she had been for the past four years.

The pale woman spent her week alone not doing much. She did some reading and messed up Kim's Rubix cube while trying to see why her pet liked it so much; the cube had somehow ended up in her bag and she found it when she was unpacking. She could not figure out the mystery of the cube and she quickly lost interest in it.

Shego did consider that she was going to have to find a hobby if her girl was going to be going places and be gone for weeks on end. She was not sure what she might do aside for working out. She was not sure what to do; she had never found herself with free time where she could not just go out and do whatever. She was used to being able to go out and do something that most would consider self-destructive. She was not interested in doing something crazy anymore, except for at work anyway.

The green-skinned woman did take some time to reflect on her life with her pet. She realized how much her life felt completed with Kim. She never thought about it before, but she felt fulfilled with the redhead and she always had. Ever since she first fished that buggy kid out of that box, Kim filled a hole in her life that she had not been aware even existed.

How was she supposed to know that she lacked something when everything seemed fine? After all, she had a great job, nice home, and everything that she could want, so how was she supposed to know that she was missing something? And then that little imp dropped into her lap. Who would have thought _that_ was what was missing?

She should have hated the brat at first. Kim seemed like the stupidest creature that she would ever meet in her life and that should have bothered her much more than it had back then. But, there had been something about that crazy kid that she believed was just too cute back then. Every stupid thing that brat did was utterly adorable and lovable. She had been like a kitten or a puppy at first.

Now, Kim still had her puppy/kitten moments because she was very cute and she still acted like an adorable pet most of the time. But, of course, there was more to her now to Shego than just her pet status. Shego just could not explain what it was that the redhead was to her now. She had never felt how she did in regards to Kim with anyone else. She was not sure what it was, but it made her not only want to take care of Kim and look after the petite hero as she had been doing, it also made her want to stay with Kim. She had never felt the need to stick around a person before, not her mother, not even her best friend, but she felt that way with Kim. She wondered what it meant and if she should say something about it. Should she tell Kim just how she felt or did Kim know already?

She was not sure, but she would see how things played out when her mini-monster returned. She wondered each day that went by what her pet was doing. She hoped that her girl was eating right and getting proper rest. She hoped that Kim was not getting tagged by snakes, even if there was a good clinic right there. She just worried about the little redhead over small things because that seemed to be the notion that her monster always over looked. At least Rosa could keep an eye on the crazy kid.

----(New day)

Shego was lounging on the sofa, watching television and ruining the Rubix cube even further than before. She was tempted to break the stupid toy and just go out and buy her pet a new plaything. She did not understand how the blasted thing brought her girl any joy. How was the dumb thing pleasurable in any way?

Her frustration was interrupted by the sound of keys in the door. She wondered what drunk was trying to get into her apartment. She got up when the sound persisted. She intended on cursing the person out for bugging her, but the door opened and she found that it was not a drunk at the door; it was Kim.

"Princess, what are you doing here?" Shego inquired because her pet was not due back for another couple of days.

"I missed you," Kim replied with thick emotion in her voice and she threw her herself into her master's arms.

Shego gasped a bit; she was astonished. Those three words were so heartfelt and the pale woman was touched. It was incredible that such simple words could make her feel as if she was the greatest thing ever made. She wrapped her arms around Kim tightly, letting the redhead know through her actions that the feeling was mutual. But, then Shego surprised her pet.

"I missed you too," Shego admitted in a low voice, some emotion sneaked out of her mouth.

Kim did not know if she wanted to grin or cry because of the simple response and the emotions that it made her feel. She just held on to Shego tightly, reveling in being able to embrace the pale woman. It was funny, the younger woman thought. She had been worrying about Shego being alone while she was away, but she too had been bothered by the separation. She had spend most of the week moping, wondering what her mistress was doing almost all of the time. She had wanted to be petted so many times during the week. She just wanted simple things like light kisses on the cheek, smiles or other expressions of acknowledgment, just little things that would be meaningless if they did not come from Shego.

"Um…" Kim smiled sheepishly as she thought of how to make a request, but Shego could guess just what her pet wanted from her.

"Yes, I'll make pasta tonight for dinner," the pale woman sighed. Was that what she was, the pasta-maker, she thought as a joke.

"Yay!" Kim cheered and she planted a long kiss on Shego's mouth as thanks.

Shego accepted and eagerly returned the kiss. She really had missed the little brat, even though she had managed to deal with being on her own for the week. She just preferred being with Kim and that could be felt in her kiss.

Once they were done with their heated reunion, Shego ordered her pet to go take a shower while she went to started dinner. Kim went to bathe and get comfortable in the apartment. They had a quiet dinner of ziti, which made Kim extremely happy since she had been without her master's cooking for so long; Shego had not cooked when she was with Kim out of the country. They then retired to the sofa with Kim lying in her mistress' lap.

The redhead took one of Shego's hands and placed it on her head. The emerald-eyed female automatically began caressing her pet's scalp while Kim went to work on her puzzle cube. The girl did not seem to notice that the sides that she had were gone. Shego's other hand eventually wandered down to her girl's stomach and she circled around Kim's bellybutton.

"Hey, Kimmie," Shego said out of the blue.

"Yeah?" Kim replied while holding in a yawn from all of the delicious attention that she was getting.

Shego paused for a moment. Kim expected to hear words along the line of her being a good girl because of the look in her mistress' emerald eyes. It was just an affectionate look and one of deep admiration. Kim was used to one half of the expression, but not the other.

"Thank you for everything," Shego finally said.

"Everything?" Kim echoed in a confused voice. She did not see what her master was going on about. Everything was a lot of ground and she did not see why she was being thanked at all.

"Yes, everything. Everything you've done for me, for staying with me, for putting up with me. Thank you so much," Shego said and she gave the girl a loving squeeze. It would as close to an embrace as she could do considering where her hands were.

"You don't have to thank me. Everything I give you, you give me more than likely."

"I don't see how that is," the pale woman admitted. Kim gave her peace of mind and just a calm and soothing feeling that she had never experienced before. Kim made everything seem as if it was going to be all right no matter what happened. There was something about taking care of the redhead that eased her soul; the soul that she did not even know that she had until the kid showed up.

"Well, to be fair, I don't see how it is on my end either. I mean, you make me feel free. That's the best way I can put it and I don't see how I can return that to you," Kim pointed out. She understood that she relaxed Shego, but she could not see how she could make Shego feel a fraction of what she felt when she was with the older woman. The pale woman made it seem like every trouble that she had in the world left as soon as her mistress was near.

Shego did not respond. She leaned down and kissed Kim's slightly chubby cheek. The redhead smiled; she had never felt so appreciated for something so simple. All she had do for Shego was be there and nothing more. She did not have to save the world, she did not have to cure a disease, and she did not have to be super-human in any way. She just had to be herself and she liked that; Shego was pretty much the same way. It was nice to know that she made Shego feel the same way. It was nice to know that Shego was comfortable enough to say such a thing.

"Hey," Kim said.

"What?" Shego asked.

"Do that again, but right here," Kim requested and she pointed to her mouth. Shego laughed and she leaned down to kiss Kim on the lips.

--------------

Next time: Kim and Shego have some play time and they wear each other out.

1: Quetzalcoatl was the feathered serpent god of the Aztecs.


	39. Gag Thirty Nine: Tug of war

I don't own these characters and I don't own this premise.

Gag Thirty-nine: Tug of war

_I'm actually starting to feel like my life is like it should be. I've had something like this before. It wasn't that life was as it should be, but it was as I wanted it because I was doing my own thing and I didn't have to listen to anyone else's shit. That was when I moved out of my parents' house and became a cat-burglar. This feeling is different from that because that gave me excitement while this gives me peace. Sometimes, it gives me a lot more than that, but peace is almost always present and that's a great feeling. _

Shego entered the apartment and was stunned when she was not tackled by her energetic pet the second that she came in. She figured that her girl was probably knocked out on the sofa, but she actually wanted her hug; it always made her feel like she was really home. She decided that she would wake her impish monster up just for her embrace. She entered the living room and discovered that her elf was very much awake. Kim was sitting on the floor with several piles of pictures in front of her.

"Hey," Shego greeted her pet.

"Hey," the redhead replied absently.

The pale woman knew that it would require her monster a moment to realize that she was home since the girl seemed rather deep into whatever it was that she was doing, aside for making a mess. It did take a couple of second before the light bulb went off in Kim's head. What she was doing was now secondary.

The girl shouted her mistress' name with her usual enthusiasm. She jumped up from the floor and flung herself onto Shego. She planted an overzealous kiss on the elder female's mouth. The pale officer would have sighed if the embrace was not so intense. She silently admitted that she loved coming home to hugs, heated kisses, and sometimes even more than that.

"What's this mess?" Shego inquired as she looked down at all of the photographs on the floor while Kim was still attempting to kiss her.

"Portfolio work," Kim answered while still trying to work on kissing rather than focusing on the mess on the floor. The portfolio work had been important when she was alone, but kissing was the most important thing now.

"What?" the green-skinned woman asked. She had never seen her pet work on that stuff on the living room floor. It was usually something that Kim would do in the loft, either to avoid making a big mess or just because it was not pet-related and therefore the girl thought it should be done out of sight. Shego was not sure what the reason was.

"Shego."

"What?"

"Screw the portfolio," the petite hero said.

The raven-haired officer laughed a bit. "Sounds like you want me to screw something aside for the portfolio," she remarked with a teasing smile.

"Well, that would be nice," the redhead purred, hoping the noise would assist in her getting her way since she knew that her mistress thought that it was cute.

"You are too much. Can I get comfortable in the house for a second?" Shego continued to taunt her needy little brat.

The moss-hued woman actually enjoyed coming home to what she had now, even though she constantly teased Kim. She liked coming home to not only a cute, loving, warm pet, but someone that wanted her so badly. It was fun, but there was something else to it. Something fulfilling and calming and she hoped to whatever external power there was in the world that it would never go away.

"Are you comfortable yet?" Kim asked curiously with her typical impish grin.

"I'm going to go take a shower," Shego decided.

"Just going to need another one later," the olive-eyed scholar hummed.

"Or so you hope," the older woman teased.

Kim pouted; she did not like it when her mistress played with her like that sometimes. She knew that she would not be denied, unless something serious was going on, but there was always that slim chance that she would not get her way. She disliked thinking about that slim chance and her master did enjoy taunting her with it.

The redhead returned to her pictures for a little while since her owner was taking a shower. She remained alert to hear when the shower stopped, but she focused on the task that she was doing before her master came in. She gave herself a few moments after she heard the water in the bathroom stop to place the last few pictures where she thought that they needed to be. She then stood up and went into pure stealth mode, making sure not to make a sound or be seen as she watched Shego exit the bathroom. She quickly followed Shego into the bedroom while continuing to be as quiet as possible. She caught the door before it clicked shut to get into the room unnoticed.

Shego turned around when she did not hear the door click, but she saw that it was indeed shut; Kim had dived directly behind her master to avoid being seen. Shego thought that she heard a noise, which was the soft thud of Kim hitting the carpet, but she did not see anything. The pale officer turned around again to see if something had fallen to cause the noise, but everything appeared to be secure; Kim was hiding behind the bed by that time.

Shego went to her dresser, looking to fish out some undergarments and some house clothes. She flung everything on the bed and then thought that she heard a noise again. She turned to scan the room, now on guard because too many unsettling things had happened in too short a time span. It was hard to get into a fighting stance wearing nothing but a jade-colored towel, but she managed it. She searched the room with her eyes, but nothing caught her attention and then her gaze fell to her empty bed. Her clothing was gone.

"What the hell?" Shego wondered and now she was starting to figure out what was going on.

The pale woman moved to the side just in time to foil the plot against her. Kim fell to the floor, having been trying to relieve her mistress of that irksome towel; it was irksome in her opinion anyway. She looked up at Shego with a sheepish grin while her master looked less than amused by her antics.

"And just what do you think you're doing?" Shego inquired while looking down at her pet with a severe expression. It seemed that she did not find anything going on as humorous, especially since her clothing had been stolen, but her munchkin did not care about such details.

"Um…would you believe counting the fibers in the carpet?" the slim adventurer replied.

"Try again."

"Um…making sure the floor is leveled?"

"Last one."

"All right, fine. I was trying to steal your towel," Kim admitted with a shrug and a nonchalant expression on her face. She was not ashamed of her actions. She was only bothered by the fact that she had failed to do what she wanted.

"And why would you want to do that?" the emerald-eyed female asked as if she did not know.

"Because you'd look a lot better without it, doy," Kim answered while sitting up.

"Oh, really? If you want it, then come get it," the green-skinned woman dared her pet with a taunting smirk.

Kim returned the smirked with one of her own; she looked like a cunning cat. She then surprisingly launched herself at the older woman. Shego was stunned by the girl's speed and she almost did not evade her monster in time. Kim ended up grabbing air and almost falling off balance again.

"Too slow," Shego said and she gently nudged her pet while she was unstable.

Kim let out a long whine as she fell forward onto the floor. Shego laughed, but her munchkin was not deterred. The redhead was up like a shot and going at her master for that bothersome piece of cloth. Shego was ready that time and she was not going to underestimate her brat either.

Kim went after the older woman like a fanatic trying to get hold of that damned towel, but she was graceful and under control with her attack. Shego was not looking to give it up, though. The petite hero pressed on and continued to attack. The pale woman merely dodged; she could not really counterattack because she was holding her towel up. They had a workout over the towel and eventually they both had to stop moving around just to catch their breath.

"Just…gimme…the damn…towel… You know…you know…you want to," the slender adventurer panted as she leaned on her knees, hoping that she would recover before her mistress because she was going to get that towel if it was the last thing that she did.

"Make…me," the pale officer replied, also wheezing. She should have known that her monster would have the stamina that she did, but she had not expected Kim to be able to go on for so long.

Kim laughed a bit; whoa, she was having such fun. She did not expect a workout when she entered the room, but she was having a good time with it. It was like sparring, but without the hitting. It was testing her agility and reaction time, which was a good thing.

But, she really wanted to get Shego out of that towel more than anything else. It was ridiculous to her rational mind, but she wanted Shego badly, as she always did. The woman had to be a siren, bewitching her with some call that she failed to notice and did not care to notice anyway. Maybe her body wanted to make up for lost time, she considered, and that was why she wanted the older female so much. Whatever the reason, she was going to get that towel and it had nothing to do with her natural Kim-ness wanting to win the competition.

"Give me that towel!" Kim shouted as she charged Shego.

The pale woman seriously yelped and tried to get out of her pet's way; she had not thought that the redhead would recuperate before her. Kim managed to grab hold of a piece of the towel. She grinned in triumph and was about to yank the troublesome covering away, only to be clobbered by her mistress. The younger woman fell back to the floor after Shego hit her with a palm strike.

"Sorry, Pumpkin, but I hate losing," Shego informed her pet. She could not believe that she had just hit the kid, but it was a necessary evil as far as she was concerned. How would it look for the mistress to lose to the pet, after all?

"Me too," Kim replied as she picked herself up in a flash. The hit had not hurt at all. The only reason she fell back was because she was shocked that she had been struck.

"What the?" Shego muttered as she dodged another grab for her towel and had to duck a kick right afterwards. It seemed that she had accidentally changed the game for her pet and now they were fighting both for the towel and just for the sake of fighting.

"Give it!" Kim demanded.

"Oh, you are asking for it."

"Yeah, I am," the redhead pointed out.

The moss-hued officer blocked a kick aimed at her midsection. She countered with a punch that Kim ducked. The redhead was not put off by the assault attempt and kept on coming with an onslaught of punches. She pressed on because she felt that she had the advantage because her mistress did have to hold up the towel while also trying to stave off any attacks.

Shego backed the younger fighter up with a sweep kick because she could tell that her mini-monster was trying to press her until she made a mistake. She needed room to do anything, but she did not even get that. Kim went right back at the raven-haired woman as soon as her feet were planted firmly on the carpet. Shego was not about to be out done by a brat and kept her defense up.

The pair went at it for a while before Kim finally managed to grab the towel again. She yanked at it, only to find out that Shego was holding onto the cloth as tightly as possible. How unfair! What was with her mistress anyway? Why would she not just give up so that they could get caught up in the throngs of passion…not that the grabbling and sparring was not fun? It just was not as intimate.

"You're going to lose eventually. I'm not giving up," Kim informed her master.

"You're not getting this towel. I'll knock you out before letting a brat like you beat me," Shego declared. She actually meant that. It was not that she was looking to really hurt her pet, but she hated to lose.

"Oh, yeah?" the redhead said skeptically.

"Yeah!" the older woman proclaimed confidently. How dare that little brat even think that she could beat her, Shego's mind demanded to know.

Kim was not about to back down from that challenge. She went at Shego again, but found out that her mistress' defense was solid, even though she knew that the elder female had to be tired by now. The pale woman was really having some trouble keeping up her pet. It did not help matters that she had just come from a full day of work while she was willing to bet that Kim had done nothing all day; she would have lost that bet.

The olive-eyed hero had been out all day doing what she usually did, school and a mission. She just had a lot of energy and she wanted something badly, which helped drive her. There was also the fact that she was being challenged and some bits of her brain always propelled her forward when that happened, no matter the situation.

At the rate that they were going, they both realized that they might be rumbling for hours. Although Kim was willing to bet that her owner dropped before that happened because she did not think that Shego had more energy than she did. They marched on, blocking, dodging, ducking, kicking, punching, and grabbing when they could. At first, Shego thought about how she had not had such a good work out since Betty became a desk jockey, but she could not even focus on that for long because she had to focus all of her energy on her imp.

Kim eventually slipped behind Shego, thinking that she had the older woman now. She reached out only to be swiftly kicked across the face. She groaned and fell back. All right, she had let her guard down there, Kim conceded. But, never again, she decided. She went back at Shego as if she had not been hit at all. They went back to their little dance and pressed on for as long as they could. Ultimately, they just tired out and neither won as they collapsed to the floor.

"Thanks to you I'm all sweaty now," Shego complained, laying on her stomach to add to her annoyance. She hated resting on her stomach for some reason that was lost to her.

"You could've just given me the towel and we'd be sweaty, but wouldn't care," Kim countered. She would not have cared right now if her objective had been to just spar, but that had not been her goal. She was marking it down in her mental notebook that sparring with her master was fun and she needed to do it again sometime soon.

"I told you, I wasn't going to lose to brat like you. You shouldn't have made a game out of it," the pale woman retorted. She had only wanted to tease her pet, but then the girl had to go and act all tough. There was no way that she was going to let her own brat show her up, but she silently considered that Kim might have done just that for the simple fact that Shego had not won. Not winning equaled losing to the green-skinned female.

"Well, you shouldn't have actually hit me," the redhead riposted. Usually, not winning equaled losing to her too, but that was not the case there. Now, she had lost because she had not gotten the towel, but the draw in their battling did not figure out as a loss to her. It was too much fun to be a loss.

"You should learn to listen."

The trim scientist only puffed out her cheeks because she had nothing relevant to argue with now. She then reached up and rubbed her cheek as she realized that it was sore. Shego noticed the action since her head was trained in Kim's direction. She did not have the strength to turn her head and even if she did, she would not have done it because she liked looking at her munchkin.

"Did I hit you too hard?" Shego asked, obviously concerned for her pet now.

"That was great!" Kim declared with an extremely happy and wide grin. Her cheek apparently did not hurt that much.

"You're so weird," the pale woman laughed.

"It's just been a while since I was this tired from sparring and it's a great feeling. You're really great, you know," the redhead commented.

"You're not so bad yourself," she replied with a small, soft smile. She meant that. Her elf was a great fighter and she might have to spar with the girl more often. It would more than likely be beneficial for the both of them considering her job and Kim's hobbies.

There was a moment of silence before Kim spoke again. "Shego."

"Hmm?"

"I'm really happy you found me that day," Kim said with a content sigh. It might have actually been the best thing to happen to her, she considered.

"Me too," Shego concurred. It might have been the best thing to happen to her, she thought.

"I'd be much happier if I had energy left to grab that damn towel," the younger woman remarked with an amused smile.

"I already told you, I'm not losing to brat like you."

--------------

The night came to a close and the master and her pet prepared for bed. They both had to take showers after their little impromptu sparring match and then they had had an average evening. Shego did ask about the pile of photos that were still on the living room floor. Kim explained that she was planning to do a children's book on cold-blood critters using her photos. Leave it to her pet to just think of such a venture out of the blue, Shego thought. She did not mind, but she did make Kim clean the mess up before the night was out, which led to Kim throwing a tantrum, but she did get all of her photos up.

Shego settled into her spot on the bed and Kim slid in right next to her. The pale woman closed her eyes, fully intent on going to sleep at that very moment. But, it did not seem like that was going to happen. Her pet moved to underneath the covers and Shego began to feel hands roaming her body.

"What the hell are you doing?" Shego barked while lifting up the blanket to yell at her monster face to face.

"Obviously you," Kim answered with a little half-smirk on her face.

"Weren't you tired two second ago?" the raven-haired female said. She could have sworn that it was agreed that they both were tired and they were just going to go to sleep.

"I got my second wind," the redhead answered with an impish look on her face.

"You're unbelievable," Shego commented and she meant that.

Kim smiled a bit; she could not help herself. She crawled back up to her master and planted a soft kiss on the older woman's mouth. The super-powered woman did not fight it that time around. She could not believe that her mini-monster was serious, though. Did the kid just never run out of energy? She supposed that would be the drawback to being with a younger partner; the younger one seemed to need sex all of the time. Not that she usually would see that as a bad thing, but she was tired right now.

"Where the hell do you get all of this energy from?" the moss-hued officer inquired.

"Are you kidding? I wouldn't pass this up if I was dying, so tired is nothing," Kim declared. "Why, are you tired?" she asked.

"Even if I was, I'm not losing to a brat like you," Shego replied with a daring smirk and challenging expression in her eyes.

"We'll see about that!"

Sex should not be so fun, Shego thought. Yeah, it should feel phenomenal whenever possible, but it seemed to her that she should not be joking or laughing before the event. Hell, sometimes, she laughed during the occurrence and that just seemed wrong, especially when it was always so incredible when she was with Kim.

Kim began moving down her master's body and settled at her neck, kissing the pale skin. Shego tilted her head to give the girl better access. Kim worked on the flesh, kissing, licking, sucking, and then she nipped her mistress rather hard.

"Hey, did you just bite me?" the older woman demanded to know while pulling her munchkin away from her skin.

"Only a little," Kim admitted.

"That's it, I'm taking control of this operation," Shego declared and moved to reverse their positions.

"No!" Kim tried to object to that, but she was swiftly pinned underneath the older woman. She knew that Shego was just looking for an excuse to take over because she had bitten the pale woman countless times before.

"Yes," Shego whispered with her mouth very close to Kim's lips. The scientist was pouting because of the switch with her on the bottom. "Your way is fun and all, but let's do things my way this time around."

"Your way?" Kim echoed. She was a little unaware that her master had a "way" when it came to being intimate.

"Yeah, dirty," Shego said with a suggestive smirk.

Kim did not protest, not because she could not, but because she was curious to see what her mistress had in mind. She quietly realized how far her mistress had come. It was not too long ago when Shego could not even come to grips with wanting to make love to her and now she was suggesting how they should do it. She had a feeling that it was going to be a wild ride and she was right.

By the end of the action, they were worse off than they had been after sparring earlier. The pillows were all off of the bed and the spread was with those. The sheets were coming up off of the mattress and the sun was coming up. Shego was lying contently on her back and Kim was draped over her stomach and torso. They were nude, sweaty, and panting, not to mention completely satisfied.

"That was crazy," the slender hero commented. It was about all she could say; she did not know how else to describe it. She supposed that "crazy" and "great" would cover the whole thing.

"Yeah, it was. We've got to get up in an hour," Shego noted as she glanced over at the clock. For once, she was hoping for a very slow day at work.

"I don't think I can even move," the redhead stated. She was not even sure how she had gotten into her current position. She hoped that she did not get called for any missions sometime soon because she doubted that she would be able to make it. She would be surprised if she could even walk.

"Me neither. Tell you what, we'll this one up to chance."

"Leave what up to chance?"

"Getting up, showering, and going about our usual day or lying here for a little while, catching our breath, and going again and again," the pale woman explained.

"Oh, I'd like that second!" Kim requested enthusiastically.

"We're leaving it up to chance," Shego reminded the eager scholar.

"Oh, yeah. I forgot already. So, are you going to flip a coin?"

"No. If you make a noise, we'll go and if you don't, we'll stay."

"Make a noise?" Kim echoed in a confused tone and then Shego suddenly slapped her hard on her bare ass. She almost yelped, but she swallowed it down into her throat. "Did you have to spank me?" the redhead whined.

"Well, I thought it was fun. I might have to do it more often. But, now it seems that we have the rest of the day to make the most of our current state," Shego replied with a smirk. Her pet grinned.

--------------

Next time: Betty has some problems to deal with…well, what does that have to do with Kim and Shego?


	40. Gag Forty: Ruins

I don't own these characters or this premise.

Attention: we have a guest's thoughts for this chapter. It is neither Kim nor Shego.

Gag Forty: Ruins

_I wouldn't say my life is something great, but it is my life. I wouldn't trade it in for anything. I like the way things are going for the most part. Yeah, I mean, stuff does come up every now and again, but that's the way life is. Other than that, things are fine. I suppose I should see some shit coming for the fact that things are so fine. They can't stay this good forever, after all._

Doctor Director sighed as she went through all of the paperwork that she had to sort through. Running an elite crime fighting unit was hard work, especially when more than half of the people that worked for her were crazy in some way all in their own right. Almost every scientist that worked for her seemed to like spending their free time inhaling fumes or they just stayed locked in the laboratory too long. It would help explain why they seemed to be missing a few anyway, mentally speaking.

The officers under her command just all seemed like they needed a hug or some time on the couch while all of the rookies seemed to be crybabies or, well, also in need of some time on the couch. For those that did not fall into that category, they seemed to suffer from some kind of brain damage and no one made them aware of it. It was like everything was going to the lunatic wing of Hell around the department, but it always seemed that way. At least her personal life was not bad.

Betty felt like her personal life lately was better than it had been in a long time. She did not feel bored or lonely anymore thanks to having Leonardo around, not to mention the fact that she was still seeing Dahntay Jones, also known as Falsetto Jones. They had gotten past needing to talk about their dogs every time that they got together. They could and did speak about their jobs and interests while they were out on dates. He was an adventurous man, despite his rich and refined appearance. He would do just about anything, especially if she did it. She guessed that it was some manly thing that he had to do every daring thing that she did to avoid being shown up by his girlfriend.

Now that she was thinking about him, she wrote herself a note to remember to call him. He usually called her every couple of days to check up on her and make sure that work was not getting to her, which she thought was very sweet. She hated to admit it, but he made her feel special and she was starting to think that she might do something that she and Shego promised never to do. She believed that she might be falling in love, which she guessed was all right for two reasons.

She thought that it was all right for her to fall in love because she knew that Shego had somewhat broken the promise with her little pet. Betty had no clue how deep that love ran now because Shego was not talking about it, but she knew that her green-skinned friend loved that kid to a certain degree. The other reason was that if she did not tell Shego, then her friend would never know and they could avoid having a very stupid argument that would surely arise if Shego ever knew.

The one-eyed woman turned her attention back to her paperwork. She got to a memo reminding her that a special forces' officer was coming to conduct a two-week training program for any volunteers. She sucked her teeth because she hated things like that because it was really just a load of crap in her opinion. No one was going to show any real signs of improvement after two weeks of lecture or mock-drills and she knew that anyone who did would then be scouted by government agencies and she would lose a valuable employee. Whenever those special programs came up, she made it mandatory for not only Shego to go, but for Will also. They were two separate kinds of annoyances that sent instructors fleeing in terror after a few days.

Why Shego and Will? Well, Shego did not want to do anything by the book while Will wanted to do everything exactly as the book stated. It was two extremes that made everyone aside from Betty want to rip their hair out. She figured that she would just sic those two on the instructor coming and call it a day. It was the easiest way to get rid of whoever it was that was trying to steal her employees.

Hey, she needed all of the employees that she had, especially the competent ones, which were the ones that the programs would have taken away. She needed people that she could send out on wild cases and they could actually get things done. She did not have as many as agents as people might assume that were worth sending out on the crazy things that they went out on. A lot of her agents freaked out in the field when they came across something that they dubbed bizarre, but she kept them on because there was always the chance that they could work a different assignment. She often just had to figure out how to use the people under her command.

--------------

"All right, people, I'm looking for Betty Director," a large, brunette man announced as he entered the department headquarters. He was a brawly looking man with a huge chest that was covered by a sienna brown blazer and dark brown pants covered his small legs.

A few of the officers eyed him as if he was the dumbest thing that they had ever seen, but most of them just ignored him. Hey, if he needed directions to find the chief, let him buy a map, they all figured. It was not in their job description to point idiots to the office with big golden letters that read "chief" on it at the back of the first floor. If he needed her badly enough, surely, he would soon figure out where she was and find the office. If not, they would just laugh at him as he wandered the building like the moron they assumed he was.

"Hey!" he barked, still looking for some cooperation and directions. Apparently, he believed that shouting would get them to offer him some assistance. Little did he know that yelling was only going to make matters worse because they were not looking to help an asshole, which they now assumed he was because he was hollering.

"Oh, you're a big boy," Amy commented with a giggle as she walked up to the newcomer. She smiled at him. "Maybe I can help you," she offered.

"Yeah, I'm looking for Betty Director," he informed her. He did not pay her smile any mind or think anything about her giggle.

"All right. Her office is right down there. Are you applying for a job?" she asked curiously as she escorted the muscular gentleman through the maze of desks to get to Doctor Director's office. She hoped that such a cute guy was going to be working around the place. She might have to spend some more time above ground if he was going to be there; she was usually in the basement lab when she was at work.

"No, I'm here to conduct a training program," he answered.

"Oh, how exciting," Amy said, showing that she was truly fascinated. She did not even know what the program was about, but it meant that she would be seeing more of the cutie next to her and that was a good thing.

Before the man could explain what the program was about, they came to the office. Amy knocked in a fashion that let the boss know it was her; somehow even her knock was cheerful. Doctor Director called for Amy to enter since she doubted that the round woman would stick around for too long. Amy giggled as she came into the office with the newcomer.

"Yes, Amy?" the boss inquired without looking up from her paperwork.

"There's a cutie of a man here to see you," Amy reported in a lighthearted tone. She was probably the only person in the whole place that would say such a thing to the boss.

"A man?" Doctor Director echoed in a puzzled tone as she looked up to see who the hell Amy was going on about. She frowned deeply when she saw who their guest was. "Steve," she said in a clipped tone as she caught sight of the man in Amy's company.

"Betty," he replied with a small smile. It seemed that he was much happier to see her than she was to see him.

"What are you doing here?" the female in charge demanded to know.

"Calm down. I'm here for a training program," he answered.

"Amy, you can go," Doctor Director dismissed the scientist.

DNAmy, though sickeningly cheerful and thoroughly insane, was far from stupid. She could tell that there was something between the pair and it did not seem like something that she wanted to be in the middle of considering the fact that the chief was not as sane as she liked to pretend she was. Amy quickly took her leave and left no witnesses for whatever was about to happen between the two brunettes.

Betty frowned as she stared at one Major Steve Barkin. His arrival was just about the worst thing that the fates could throw her way as far as she was concerned. She never wanted to see him again and if he had shown up just ten minutes earlier, her wish would have been granted because Shego would have spotted him and gotten rid of him. She would have been none the wiser to his presence if that had happened.

"You look…well," Steve noted, being careful of his use of words because of her expression. He could see that she was not too pleased with his arrival.

"You do too. So, about this program you're going to run. I know it's two weeks of intensive training in whatever you decide. Do you need volunteers or recommended officers?" Betty inquired in the best business tone that she could muster in his presence.

"A file of recommended officers. I'll choose ten of those and the program should start at the beginning of next week," he replied.

"You'll choose ten?" Betty asked. That was new. She might not be able to pawn Shego off on him, which the moss-hued office would have been happy to know. He would not see Will coming, but she was not sure if the affect would be the same if it was only Will on his team. Will was a pest, but she was not sure if he would be enough of a pest to get rid of Steve ahead of schedule.

"Affirmative," he replied.

"Fine," she stated with a frustrated sigh. "Anything else?" she inquired while making sure not to grit her teeth in front of him.

"Well, how about we go out later—" he was cut off before he could finish, even though it was obvious as to where he was going with his words.

"I'm going to stop you right there," Betty interjected. "I have no desire to walk down memory lane with you. They aren't good memories for either of us. I'm sure you've still got the burn marks and scars to remember me by," she remarked.

Steve gulped uncomfortably. "Well…um…yeah…" he mumbled while shifting awkwardly on the balls of his feet for a moment.

"And maybe you'd like to leave now," she added in tone that made it clear that she was giving an order and not a suggestion.

"Bet—" he started to say, but she cut him off again.

"It's Doctor Director here or Chief," she corrected him before he could finish speaking her name.

"Doctor?" he echoed in a surprised and bewildered tone.

"Indeed," she replied in a clipped tone.

"How—"

"Bye, Steve."

Steve Barkin knew from her tone that he should leave, so he did just that. She was somehow different from what he remembered, but also the same. She was not so cold toward him in the past. He actually thought that she would be glad to see him; she would have wondered what gave him that stupid idea if she knew. He seriously could not have been any more wrong if he tried.

As Steve exited the building, Shego glanced up from her desk; she had just come in from an assignment. She caught a glimpse of the man, but nothing really revealing. A thought entered her mind, but she quickly dismissed it.

"Like he would have the balls to be here," Shego said to herself and she turned her attention to typing up her report.

The raven-haired woman was still bothered by the thought for a while. She finished her report and bit her thumb in an anxious manner. She decided to share her nutty brain impulse with Betty. Once Betty told her that it was a ridiculous thought, she figured that she would feel much better.

"Hey, Bets, you free?" Shego inquired as she entered the office without knocking as usual.

"Somewhere there is a place where a forest once stood," the boss remarked and she motioned to the stack of papers on her desk. "Does it look like I'm free?" she countered.

"Well, since I don't see you chained to the desk, I'm going to take it as a good sign. But, considering your bitchy mood, you probably don't want to hear this," the pale woman commented.

"What?" Betty huffed. She hoped that her friend was not coming to share something stupid because she really did not have time for that.

"I thought I just saw Steve a little while ago. Weird, huh?" Shego said with a laugh.

"Not really. He was here a little while ago," the one-eyed woman replied.

Shego stopped laughing immediately and scowled as if she saw her most hated enemy. "The fuck was he doing here?" she demanded to know.

"He was sent to do a special training program," Betty answered with a sigh.

"He isn't bothering you, is he? I swear, you'd figure plasma burns and a threat to slit his thick neck with my bare hands would be enough to get through any skull, even one as thick and as empty as his. He didn't do anything, did he?" the moss-hued officer inquired.

"No, he didn't do anything. I can take care of myself, believe it or not. So, don't worry," the one-eyed woman practically ordered. She knew not to look at it as Shego trying to look out for her, even though that was what the pale woman was doing. They both liked looking at it as Shego wanting to beat someone up, which was easier for both of them.

"Whatever." Shego shrugged. Betty was a big girl and she could definitely take care of herself; she would not deny that one. But, she could not help thinking about the past and the burdens that she knew were going to come along when Steve showed up.

The super-powered female decided not to argue the matter. Maybe Betty would be able to handle things, she considered. Well, at least she knew that she was not going to have to suffer through one of those tedious, pointless programs. There was no way in all of Hell that Steve would accept her since he knew her and what she was like. She had a feeling that he was going to get a taste of Will, though. She figured that she might have to see how that worked out, so she would have to sit in on a couple of sessions. She believed that it would be nice to see Will irk someone other than her for a change.

--------------

Betty was thankful to be home after running into Steve Barkin that day. All she wanted to do was have a hot bath and curl up on the sofa with Leonardo while reading a book. But, as soon as she got to her door, she knew that was not going to happen. Her front door was open for some reason and she was only nervous for a moment. Lights began to go off in her head and she wished to heaven and hell that she had just been the victim of a regular burglary.

"Please, please, please just be burglars. I mean, it's not possible, right? How the hell is that even possible? It just isn't. He just showed up today, a few hours ago more than likely, so there's just no fucking way," Betty attempted to convince herself, but since her body was not going through the door, she knew that she was not doing a remotely good job. She refused to go into the house because she might be wrong. It might just be possible for _her_ to have found out that Steve was in town so soon.

The one-eyed woman took a deep breath and steeled herself. She was a grown, kick-ass female, she reminded herself. She had control over her life. It was her life, after all. She stepped into the house after that mental pep talk. She then immediately found out that it was very much possible.

"Betty, it's about time you got in," the voice that spoke instantly made Betty feel ten years old even now.

The brunette woman turned her attention to the upstairs. Bloody hell, it was possible! There stood her mother. The woman was a brunette too; her hair was the same shade as Betty's chocolate mane. She was a little shorter than Betty was and thicker ever so slightly. Her onyx eyes were as sharp as Betty's, but there was something more to her gaze. Her eyes were much harder than her daughter's. Betty felt looking into her mother's eyes was like looking into black diamonds and she did not mean that in a pleasant way. It was like staring at the hardest substance on Earth and realizing that it was unbending.

"Mom," Betty managed to squeak out.

"I expected you in eight minutes ago," her mother stated in a rather clipped tone that was her usual voice when it came to Betty.

"Um…Mom, you do know that this is my house, right?" Betty inquired because of the way the woman was talking to her and then there was the fact that her mother had broken in.

"Of course. That doesn't excuse your lateness. We had to let ourselves in, not to mention pick our own rooms," her mother commented.

"Our? Sheldon is here then," Betty muttered with a frown and then she thought about the other member of her household. "Where's Leonardo?" she asked her mother because usually, she was ambushed by the big, energetic canine when she entered the house.

"Who?" her mother inquired with a craned eyebrow.

"My dog."

"He was put out," her mother answered as if it was nothing at all.

"You put him out? In the cold? Not to mention, it just started raining?"

Betty rushed to the side door to see her mother had locked the dog door that she had installed for her big baby of a dog. She sucked her teeth and went to the back sliding doors. As soon as she opened the doors, Leonardo charged in and went right to her. She bent down and he nuzzled her, whining loudly as he rubbed his face into her arms. She petted his neck to assure her dog that everything would be all right.

"It's okay, Leo. It's okay," she promised the whiny canine.

Leonardo just cried more so and then suddenly started growling. Betty turned to see what got her pet's attention and saw her mother and twin brother standing some feet away. Betty frowned at the pair; ten seconds into their stay and she was sick of them already. Unfortunately, she knew for a fact that her feelings would not matter to her mother.

"Why'd you put him out there?" Betty inquired.

"Dogs should be in the yard," her mother replied matter-of-factly.

Betty could not believe her ears. Her mother had the nerve to put her dog out in the yard while her twin brother carried his little rat around in his arms no matter where he was. First of all, they were in Leo's home. He lived there while they did not. They had no right to put him out in the yard, especially in that cold, just all around nasty weather.

"Besides, he bothered Pepe," Sheldon added as if his sister would give a damn about his rodent dog.

"This is just ridiculous," Betty declared.

"What is ridiculous is that you didn't invite Steve over," her mother said and that was it.

Betty decided against taking any sort of abuse from her mother and she did not need the stress that came along with her mother and brother. She knew what they were like and she did not feel like dealing with it. She did not have to deal with it.

She went upstairs without saying a word and quickly threw some things into a couple of bags. She opened her bedroom window and had no problem with jumping out after she tossed her bags out of the opening. She landed in the backyard, where Leonardo was once again; her mother had wasted no time throwing him out as soon as Betty was gone. She had expected as much and Leonardo charged over to her as soon as she landed. He nuzzled his head against her leg.

"Shh," Betty ordered her dog and she petted him to calm him down. "We're getting out of here, boy. We don't have to take this shit and trust me, there would be much shit to take if we stuck around," she said.

-------------------

Shego was relaxing and watching one of her favorite movies. Her pet was knocked out in her lap, her head buried in Shego's abdomen. The pale woman was caressing the younger woman's scalp and the only noise aside for the television was the occasional deep inhale or exhale from Kim. Then there was a disturbing knock at the door. Shego swore under her breath and gently lifted her pet off of her to go answer the door.

"Bets," Shego said in a surprised tone as she opened the door.

"My mother is at my house," Betty said with a look of sheer misery and the report would have been meaningless to anyone else.

"Shit, she moves quick. My mother couldn't even get here that fast," the emerald-eyed woman commented in a slightly amazed tone.

"The woman can fucking teleport or something. I mean, I knew she'd show up the second Steve stepped into my office, but that was fucking fast. She beat me home," the one-eyed woman stated. "And she had Sheldon with her," she added with disdain.

"Eww." Shego shuddered.

"Exactly."

"So, you packed you bags and undoubtedly jumped out of your bedroom window," the green-skinned female guessed. There were formulas to them when they dealt with certain people, like their mothers. They had repeat behaviors that stemmed back to childhood when it came to their mothers.

"Like you've never jumped out of your bedroom window," the elder female retorted.

"Not recently," Shego remarked.

"Don't judge me, little Izzie."

Shego looked absolutely offended by that. Calling her a crack-whore probably would have gotten less of a reaction. "I'm going to chalk that up to you being stressed out and not burn your face off for it," she commented. "All right, let's get to the bare bones of what you're doing here with bags and your stupid dog."

"He's not stupid like your pet," Betty defended Leonardo.

"Get to your point. I'm missing a good movie," the raven-haired woman said. Not to mention she wanted to get back to caressing her little monster.

"I need a place to stay until she leaves," the one-eyed woman stated plainly. Shego knew what the older female wanted, namely to stay at the apartment for up to two weeks, which the pale woman knew because she was aware that Betty's mother would hang around for as long as Steve was in town. Shego's face remained neutral as she considered how to respond.

--------------

Next time: Will Shego let Betty stay? And just what is up with Betty and Steve?


	41. Gag Forty One: Starting something

I don't own these characters or this premise. I also don't own Mickey Mouse.

Gag Forty-one: Starting something

_I'm not surprised by what's happening_. _It's actually normal for us. The fact that it's normal probably should bother me. I mean, she's leaping out of her bedroom window in her own house and she's thirty-one years old. I still argue with my mother like I'm a kid and Betty still runs from hers like she's still a kid. Something has to be wrong with us because that shit shouldn't be normal behavior for adults._

Shego stared at her oldest and more than likely dearest friend, not that she would ever dare to say that out loud. They were standing in the pale woman's doorway just looking at each other. Betty was equipped with a couple of bags and her dog. She was waiting for a response from her green-skinned friend. Shego sighed.

"You've got the cooking and cleaning while you're here," the green-skinned female stated. It would seem that the older woman could stay, which was what she had shown up at the door for.

"What?" Betty asked in shock. Whatever happened to being a guest?

"Well, that or you could pay rent."

"The brat doesn't pay rent," the one-eyed woman argued.

"And neither will the dog. You, on the other hand, are a different story altogether. It's this or a hotel. Do you really want to blow that much money on a hotel that probably won't even take your dog?" Shego pointed out.

Betty sighed; it seemed that she was had. "You paint a horrible picture. I guess I'll agree to that first thing," she yielded.

"Well, come on in," the pale woman replied with a taunting smile while motioning to the inside of the apartment.

"Come on, boy," Betty said to Leonardo as they entered the home.

Leonardo barked merrily and trotted into the house as if it was home for him. He went right to Kim, who was still asleep. The dog would have none of that and began nudging the knocked-out redhead to wake her up. She groaned in her sleep, but she remained asleep. The dog persisted, seeming to know that he was getting somewhere since she was making noise at least. He moved to licking her in the face and Shego saw that, which caused her to groan.

Kim was roused after a few seconds. She grinned the second that she saw Leonardo. She shot up and began petting him fiercely. He made some content noises as she scratched his ears for him.

"Well, they're getting along," Betty commented while motioning to their pets.

"Big surprise there," Shego remarked.

"Hey, what are you doing here?" Kim asked Betty as she took notice of her.

"None of your damn business," the brunette answered. Kim turned her mouth up to that response. The police chief was always so mean to her.

"You're as cranky as ever," the redhead muttered. "Isn't she, boy? Isn't she cranky?" Kim asked Leonardo in a babyish tone while rubbing noses with him. He barked as if he agreed with her.

"Hey, you don't agree with that brat," Betty ordered her dog, who whimpered, as if apologizing.

"Oh, yeah, this'll be fun," Shego mumbled. She actually was not being sarcastic because she knew that Betty had little patience when it came to her monster and she thought that it would be amusing to watch her munchkin get on someone else's nerves for a change.

"Pets unite!" Kim cheered and Leonardo barked.

"To think, I have to put up with her here and then with Steve at work," the one-eyed woman sighed and she shook her head. Someone with power somewhere hated her, she concluded.

"Who's Steve?" Kim asked curiously while looking up at the two older females.

"Her ex-husband," Shego answered absently as she sat back down, even though she doubted that she was going to get to pay much attention to her movie. There was too much going on now.

"Ex-husband? You were married?" Kim asked in sheer disbelief while pointing at Betty. Her face looked like she was completely and totally shocked.

"What's that supposed to mean? You don't think someone would marry me?" the one-eyed woman demanded to know in a very upset tone, which let Kim know that she had a good whacking coming to her unless she thought quickly.

"No! I didn't mean it like that! I was just curious!" the slender scientist insisted because Betty hit pretty hard, harder than her mistress at times.

"Oh, you think I'm too ugly to have been married or something?" Betty huffed because of the implications. Her fury was actually connected with very old insecurities that she had that the young hero had no idea existed.

"I didn't even say that!" Kim whined while putting her heads over her head because she thought that a hit was coming her way and she felt the need to protect her skull. The hit did not come yet, though.

"I'm damn sexy!" Betty argued.

"Yeah, you are! Damn sexy!" Kim agreed while breathing a sigh of relief. Unfortunately, her words caught her mistress' attention.

"What was that?" Shego asked. She did not like hearing her pet saying that someone else was sexy.

Kim's face fell and she decided to just take the trashing that was now inevitable because she could not possibly appease Betty without making her master angry. She whimpered long before the blows landed, both older females clocked her in the head for her words. She fell over and the only one to check on her was Leonardo. Shego knew that her pet was only being melodramatic because they had not hit her nearly hard enough to drop her; maybe drop other people, but not her.

"Pets unite," the petite hero groaned while rubbing her head.

"Pets shouldn't talk," Betty commented while turning her nose up to the little redhead. She could not believe that her best friend thought that irksome brat was cute.

"I was just curious about you being married. When were you married? For how long? What's the guy like? How come you're not married anymore?" the redhead inquired as she sat up when she figured out that her mistress was not going to cuddle her.

"How do you put up with her?" the onyx-eyed woman asked her friend.

"I'm used to her. It's easier to just tell her what she wants to know or she'll go on for the whole night no matter how hard you hit her," Shego replied. Her nutty pet might even start throwing a tantrum and if that happened, hell, she would fill Kim in on what happened to get the brat to stop.

Betty flopped down on the sofa next to the pale woman. Kim continued to pay Betty complete and total attention, wanting to know about the one-eyed woman's marriage. The brunette was a bit flattered that Kim was so interested in her, even if it was a bit embarrassing. Maybe, just maybe, she could understand how her friend thought that annoying kid was cute.

"It wasn't a long marriage and I guess it happened because I was a screwy kid. When I got married to Steve I was younger than you are. I had just turned nineteen in fact. He was a marine and as your mistress likes to point out, I have a weakness for a man in uniform. It helps when he fills that uniform well. Usually I get over the uniform quickly and break up with the guy, who almost always turns out to be a loser, a dick, or an asshole in someway. I wasn't so quick with Steve. Three months into the marriage, Shego showed up and saved me from myself," Betty explained.

"Saved you from yourself?" Kim asked curiously and she turned her attention to her mistress. Wow, her master the savior.

"The silly bitch thought she was in love with the pushy loudmouth. After spending some time with him, I had to literally light into his ass," Shego answered as if it was nothing.

"You were just mad that you didn't have me all to yourself anymore," the older woman teased her friend.

"Please, you're not all that," the green-skinned female retorted with a small scoff.

"Don't try to play me," Betty replied in dull tone while shaking her head.

Kim took a moment to allow a very bizarre thought float through her mind while the pair of friends continued to taunt each other. She imagined her mistress and Betty together with Shego holding Betty on a leash; in other words, she was thinking of a nutty situation where Betty would have been in her place. And then she suddenly popped up in the thought and Shego petted her. She shook that wacky thought away and hoped that it never came back. She then turned her attention back to the onyx-eyed female with the hope that she would learn more about the marriage.

"So, why aren't you married anymore?" the redhead inquired in a curious tone.

"She grew a brain three months in," Shego answered as if that was obvious.

"I realized he wasn't the man for me," Betty clarified.

"How so?" Kim inquired.

"Yeah, I figured once you attack your husband, it's time to call it quits before one of your kills the other," Betty remarked. She did think that just a little longer into the marriage and he would have been leaving in a pine box, if not because of her then because of her friend.

"Sounds like a good call," the youngest female concurred.

"Yeah, he was…" Betty trailed off because she was not sure what she wanted to fill the blank with. There were so many choices.

"A prick," Shego offered. She had a long list to go through if "prick" was not sufficient.

"Okay," the one-eyed woman accepted that one.

"Yeah, we all sure know how to pick 'em," Shego remarked with a tiny, slightly amused scoff. "But, at least two of us didn't marry 'em." She could not resist that little addition.

"Oh, hardy, har, har," the brunette female replied dryly. "Don't forget, you almost did marry him, so let's just let it go."

"Touché," the pale woman conceded. "I guess you can camp out in the living room. Princess, go get your mattress," Shego ordered.

"My mattress?" Kim asked while pointing to herself.

"Yeah, your mattress. You know, the thing you used to sleep on. Go get it," the pale woman commanded.

"But, why can't she just sleep in the loft?" the redhead inquired curiously.

"Because the loft isn't fit for pigs. You don't even sleep in the loft anymore," the emerald-eyed woman pointed out.

"Are you comparing me to a pig?" Kim inquired.

"Well, with the way you eat, you appear to be one and the same and if you don't get moving, you're going to have something else in common with pigs," Shego declared.

"What?" the slim hero asked.

"Barbeque," Shego growled and she ignited her hands.

Kim yelped a bit and then she suddenly smirked like the little demon she could be. "Did you know that she sings in the shower?" the redhead informed Betty, who immediately chuckled.

"Damn it!" Shego hollered at her pet for sharing such personal information.

Kim decided to make a run for it, even though she knew that she was going to get it anyway. Man, it would be nice to still have a box, she thought. She sought refuge in the loft, which worked just as well as her box; maybe even better considering the fact that her master could not hold the loft out of the window like she was able to do with the box.

"You'd better not come down here or you'll regret it," the raven-haired woman growled, standing at the edge of the loft.

The olive-eyed girl did stay up there for a while and then brought the mattress that she used to sleep on down for Betty to use. Shego got fresh linen for her friend and then ordered her pet to bed. Kim guessed that she had to be excluded from a private conversation. She pouted, but obliged.

"So, why here?" the pale woman asked her friend, who was preparing the bed for herself.

"Where else would I go?" Betty countered.

"I know you're still seeing lover boy with the Mickey Mouse voice. I'm sure his villa is not only bigger than my place, but has promises of wild, dirty sex."

"Sex isn't everything," the older woman commented. Sometimes, she thought that her friend had too much of a one-track mind when it came to dating and picking a mate.

"I know," Shego surprisingly concurred. Boy, did she know that now, but it sure was fun, especially with her mini-monster.

"I didn't want to go to him for something that would need so much explaining," the one-eyed woman explained while a sigh.

Shego shrugged; she supposed that made sense. "Whatever. Catch you in the morning. Princess is to have oatmeal for breakfast with orange or apple juice. I'll take a toasted, buttered bagel," she announced.

"I hate you," Betty replied.

"I know you do. 'Night."

"Night."

--------------

The first morning together was tolerable. Betty made breakfast as was the agreement. Everybody got out of the apartment on time without anyone getting beaten up; Kim was happy about that considering how much Betty seemed to like hitting her. The day ran smooth until Betty noticed her mother enter the building. She dived behind the nearest desk as if the place was under heavy gunfire while silently using every swear word that she could think of. She needed to get out of there and quick.

Okay, she knew the layout of the place and could easily escape as long as one of her employees did not blow her cover. She started for the exit and saw someone talking to her mother. Damn it, the wretched soul was directing her mother's attention to where she had just gone down. She made a mental note to make that person's life Hell the next spare moment that she had. She would have to get away soon or the banshee of a woman she called mother would spot her. Once she was certain that she was as good as caught, a miracle happened. Shego stepped in front of her mother and blocked the older woman's view. Betty did not waste time getting out of the building with the stealth that a ninja would envy.

"Hey, Missus D," Shego greeted her friend's mother with an obviously false smile. She had noticed Betty on the floor, undoubtedly trying to escape, and then she had noticed that the brunette woman was very close to spotting her daughter, so she stepped in.

"Shego," Missus Director said in a clipped tone.

Betty's mother disliked Shego with a special intensity and it had probably been that way since Shego could for sounds, not even words, just sounds. It was an amazing thing considering the fact that her mother and Missus Director were good friends. In fact, they were almost like Shego and Betty, but they were also mothers and that seemed to make the difference.

Missus Director felt that Shego was a bad influence on her daughter and she often expressed that to both younger females and also to Shego's mother. Isabel often countered by calmly pointing out that Missus Director was just upset that the girls did not have sticks up their asses like she did. The two older women now had a funny sort of friendship, but it was still a friendship.

"Have you seen my daughter?" Missus Director inquired.

"Nope, but I did just get here. Did you check her office?" Shego countered as if she was calling the older woman an idiot by pointing out the obvious places to look.

"No. Take me to her office." It was an order.

The super-powered officer shrugged and complied. Usually, she would have said something snippy to get a rise out of the older woman, but she did not even feel like dealing with Missus Director at the moment. After all, she hated dealing with her own mother, so dealing with someone else's mother was the very definition of irksome to her. Also, the faster she got the woman out of the building, the sooner Betty could come back in and give her a new assignment to give her something to do that was better than staring at her desk for four hours straight.

"She's not here," Missus Director huffed as they barged into the office to discover that it was empty.

"She probably stepped out for a second or something. Maybe she had a meeting with some civil idiots. You should try to call next time," Shego suggested in a very rude manner, and as she expected, the older woman took offense to her tone.

"Watch it, Shego," she warned the super-powered annoyance. She doubted that she would ever meet a ruder girl than the one that Isabel managed to raise.

"I can't. It always runs away," Shego remarked. That was a line that she used to pull on Missus Director back when she was about seven years old and already getting Betty into all sorts of things.

"Where's Betty?" the elder demanded to know.

"Hell if I know. I don't keep the bitch on a leash or anything like that."

"Watch your mouth and when you see her, you tell her that she is going to have to talk to me sometime."

"Why don't you just leave her the hell alone?" the pale woman inquired. "She's not going to consider going back to that dick in a uniform."

"He's a good man."

"We consider verbally abusive good now? Shit, I've got to me moving up the ladder then," Shego quipped with an amused half-smirk.

"You think you're so clever, _Cassandra_," Missus Director said smugly.

Had it been anyone else to speak her real name, Shego might have snapped. But, she had grown up around the older woman saying her real name to get on her nerves. She had learned very early in life how to counter it.

"Yeah, I do, _Eleanor_," Shego practically purred. It was a surefire way to get under the older woman's skin because she looked at it as a sign of disrespect. The pale woman did note that they were two families with some names on them. Bad names in her opinion.

"Listen here, you are not to interfere with their relationship anymore. Betty and Steve were happy together before you came back into her life and broke them apart."

"I didn't break them apart. I opened her fucking eyes. I'm the only one that gets to talk to her the way he tries to," Shego declared.

Actually, the green-skinned female hardly spoke to Betty the way Steve did. For instance, Shego had the common courtesy not point out that her friend only had one eye, just like her friend had the common sense not to point out that she had green skin. Steve pointed both of those things out, constantly and consistently. They had limits, but he was too stupid to even consider a little civility toward either of them.

"Look, she is thirty-one years old. She needs to get married. She needs to have some kids," Missus Director argued.

"She needs to be you," the younger female stated the underlying sentence in all of that crap. "Bets doesn't operate like you. She doesn't want to be you. Let it go and don't try to talk her into going back to that asshole. It's not going to work."

"Oh, no?"

"No. Two reasons and the first one being that Bets is a hell of a lot smarter than you ever give her credit for and two, even if she listens to your screwy ass logic, I won't let her listen for long. You know that. You know me. Do you really think you can beat me when it comes to Bets?" Shego inquired with a wicked smirk.

The pale woman stared down at her friend's mother, daring her to begin a battle with her over Betty. History had already proven what the outcome would be. If Eleanor told Betty to be at home a certain hour when she was younger, Shego made sure that Betty stayed out for as long as she wanted. When Eleanor wanted her daughter to learn the piano, but Betty did not want to, Shego made sure she skipped the lessons. The battle was easy because one of them knew how to talk to Betty while the other tried to command the one-eyed female. Commanding Betty was no way to handle things.

Missus Director would love nothing more than for her daughter to settle down with Steve Barkin. Back when they had been married, Betty was certain that was the only time in her life that her mother actually seemed proud of her. It had been an impulsive decision at best; a stupid decision in reality and she would admit that now. She had been in college, which were the Shego-free months, which tended to be somewhat boring since Shego was not around to get into a fight with. Her life always took strange turns without that irritable crank around. She ended up married that one time and the other time, she went out and got a couple of PhDs. The former one was the one that set Shego off when she finally found out.

Shego could not believe that she left Betty alone for a few months and the nutty woman had the nerve to come back home married. Not just married, but married to a complete and total jackass. Betty did not know it, but Isabel had been prepared to step in when she met Steve, but she had left it all to Shego, knowing that it was the best thing to do. Shego had straightened that mess right out as quickly as possible.

As the pale woman had stated, she was the only one that got to be verbally abusive to Betty…well, maybe her and Betty's mother. But, other than that, no one was yelling at her punching bag about dinner not being ready or other stupid domestic matters as if they were living in the 1950's. Betty was not some housewife and she definitely was not someone for some bastard to bark on about chores, especially when he did not get off of his sorry ass to do anything while she had classes and important things to worry about. So, Shego had to let the bossy prick know that with a lot of hand gestures, flaming hand gestures. Betty often joined in because while he might have yelled at her to his heart's content, she damn sure did not take it sitting down.

"Betty is thirty-one," Missus Director said as if that was supposed to mean something to Shego.

"Exactly. It's about time you let the chick live her damn life," the super-powered officer replied with a shrug.

"I'm her mother."

"Betty is thirty-one," Shego pointed out. She loved throwing words back into the woman's face. Betty did not need a fucking babysitter. Hell, Betty was like a babysitter with the people working for her.

"I'm looking out for her best interest while you're just being selfish because you think you should have Betty all to yourself, so you can run around having play fights and everything that you used to do when you were kids. You need to grow up, Cassie. She needs to be with Steve."

"Bullshit," Shego snapped viciously. "You don't tell me that I'm selfish. First off, I already know what I am. Second off, you're just as fucking selfish. You want her to travel the path that you chose. That path is bullshit for her. She isn't going back to Steve, okay? Fuck that," the pale woman declared.

"She will," Missus Director vowed.

"Over my dead body."

"Don't tempt me, Cassie. Tell Betty I'll be back," Missus Director said and then she walked away.

Shego made a mocking face behind the older woman's back as she exited the building. She then rolled her eyes; man, her mother might have been a bitch, but Betty really got screwed over when it came to mothers. Shego was happy that woman did not like her because she took it as a good sign that she was not an asshole.

It seemed that the old game was back on between Shego and Eleanor Director. They liked to play tug-of-war over what was best for Betty, not that Betty wanted to completely listen to either of them. Both of their motives were selfish, yes; well, that was what Shego would argue. Missus Director just wanted Betty to do what she believed was best while Shego did not really know what her motive was. Maybe she did not want her friend to do anything stupid. Actually, she did not want to admit it to herself, but she wanted her friend to be happy and she was just trying to look out for her best friend.

"Is she gone?" Betty asked as she dropped down from the ceiling. Hey, she could be just as stealthy as Shego if given the chance. They had grown up together, after all.

"Yeah, she's gone for now. She gave the usual threat and warning," the emerald-eyed female replied.

"She'll be back then?" the chief guessed with a tired sigh. She really was not up to dealing with that woman, not that she ever was.

"Of course. Come on, she is Eleanor Director. If she wasn't in our asses so deeply, we wouldn't have half as much fun pissing her off," the pale woman remarked with an amused smirk.

"That's true. So, what should I make for dinner?" Betty inquired.

"Anything that's not pasta. It'll drive Pumpkin batty," Shego answered with a smile and her friend laughed.

--------------

Next time: Betty is hounded by her mother and by Steve. She decides to get some revenge on Steve by getting Shego to start her own training program. Who is Shego going to be training?


	42. Gag Forty Two: Shoot Out

I don't own these characters and I don't own this premise.

Guest thought again.

Gag Forty-two: Shoot out

_Maybe coming here was a mistake, but it's not like I could've gone anywhere else. Had I gone to Dahntay's house, he probably would've thought that I was acting like a drama-queen or a big baby. No one else understands just where I'm coming from with my recent problems, but this is so annoying. I swear, I might have to kill my friend's pet to get a moment's rest when I'm not at work. When I am at work, I might have to kill that dickhead Steve. I have to kill too many people in my opinion. I'll even have to kill Shego, the one person that understands me, because she won't like it if I kill her brat. But, damn it, that brat is a brat. _

Betty was not sure what was worse, staying with Shego or going to work. One involved dealing with a spoiled brat and another involved dealing with a pompous ass. She supposed that the latter was more irksome because it reminded her how stupid she could be, despite being so intelligent. But then again, the former took place longer than the latter because she shared a living space with that spoiled brat for the moment. It would not have been such a big deal if it was not for last night.

Betty had prepared the perfect meal; all right, she considered everything that she cooked to be perfect. She set it out and called out that dinner was ready. The pets charged in as if dinner was the greatest thing that could ever happen to them. Kim had hit her chair with enough force to fall over, but Shego caught her and kept her upright. Betty gave Leonardo his food and then noticed Kim staring down at her meal as if it had insulted her. Betty hated to ask, but she had to know what the problem was. Kim began whining like a huge baby about how there was no ketchup on her food. The whining went on for over five minutes; in that time, the rotten kid could have gotten up and drowned her food in ketchup before drowning herself. Shego had not intervened and merrily laughed until Betty finally put the scarlet sauce on Kim's meal. It was enough to drive Betty mad. She obviously was not used to dealing with Kim.

And at work, she had to deal with Steve and his damnable training program. She had provided him with some recommendations, including Will and Shego. Will passed the briefing, but he refused to look at Shego's file. She tried to assure him that Shego was a great officer, if only to piss him off, which worked. He then went into a ten minute long rant insulting all of her recommended officers, declaring that if they were the best that she had to offer then her whole department was still lucky to be alive. Bastard.

And to make matters worse, there was still the fact that her mother and her brother were squatters in her house. She luckily kept everything well-hidden in the house, so her mother could not snoop through any of her personal belongings. People that were important knew to call her cell phone and not her house phone, so her mother could not intercept her calls. The only problem was her mail, but she doubted that anything important was going to come while she was not there.

She dreaded knowing that one day soon her mother was going to pop up in the department building looking for her, hoping to persuade her to go back to Steve. It would be much more than a cold day in Hell and aliens would land in front of the damn White House before she went back to that sharp-tongued demon. Her mother liked to argue that it was Betty's fault because of the way that she spoke to Steve that made him lash out at her. Her mother swore that Betty had gotten accustomed to interacting with Shego and spoke to everyone the way that she spoke to Shego, so of course a man like Steve would strike back in someway. Betty and Shego disagreed with that.

First of all, Betty would like to think that since she was older than Shego that she was the one influencing the malcontent and not the other way around. It actually shifted between the two of them. And she spoke to Shego as she did often in jest or just because that was the way that they were with each other. They told the truth, bare and naked and more often than not, that truth was harsh. Shego certainly told the truth the second that she met Steve and that opened Betty's eye to the problems that she had with the man.

Shego would argue that the way Betty spoke to her was different than the way that Betty spoke to other people. The one-eyed woman was always had a certain superiority in her voice, as if she was always in command, but she got that from her mother and she had a reason to sound that way anyway. That was just the way she spoke, but she was respectful to most and that included Steve as far as the green-skinned woman could tell. Shego knew Betty was not like her, namely cranky and angry at the world for no reason most of the time. Betty was sensible, responsible, and could easily get along with a lot of people if she tried. So, to Shego, Steve never had any right or justification to speak to Betty the way that he did when she met him.

"Hey, this place looks great," Shego commented as she flopped down onto the sofa in her living room. She had been wasting her time working out while her houseguest paid her back for being able to stay at the apartment by cleaning up the living room.

"No thanks to that brat," Betty remarked, motioning to the sleeping Kim, who was on the floor. Leonardo was curled up next to the redhead.

"I'm sure the dog help," the pale woman pointed out.

"The brat should know better," the older woman argued.

"So, the dog isn't trained?"

"He doesn't have a human brain."

"Neither does Princess," Shego remarked.

Betty had to yield because her friend had her there and she did not have anything else to counter with. She glanced over at the pair of pets. They had been rampaging through the apartment all day because it had rained and neither was allowed outside during a thunderstorm. So, they had acted like whirlwinds in the house, leaving the one-eyed woman to clean up when she came in, which she had not been happy about. She had had a tough day dealing with Steve insulting some of her finest employees and acting as if it was a burden for him to accept them into his stupid training program.

Betty was taken from her internal huffing about work and home life as her phone went off. She took the phone off of the clip that secured it around her waist. She looked to see who was calling her and balked at what she saw. She quickly shoved the phone into Shego's hands.

"It's my mother. Tell her I died," the one-eyed woman instructed her friend.

"Okay," the younger woman replied and she answered the phone. "Hello, Betty's phone."

"Put Betty on," Eleanor Director ordered Shego.

"I'm sorry, but she died," the pale woman announced in a voice mimicking a phone operator.

"Put her on!" Eleanor commanded in such a loud voice that Shego had to move the phone from her ear to avoid going deaf.

"I can't. She died," the moss-hued officer insisted.

"Don't joke around like that, Cassandra. Now, put her on the phone or I'll have to arrange a conference call involving Isabel."

Shego frowned at the threat and mouthed "your mother is a bitch" to Betty. The one-eyed woman nodded in total agreement. Shego now had to consider her options. She could sell her friend out by giving her the phone or she could get into trouble with her mother by pestering Eleanor until the woman called Isabel. Her mother would get on her case too for acting disrespectful toward her elders and things like that. She sighed and handed the phone to Betty, who looked horrified. Pulling a gun on her would have gotten less a reaction. She did take the phone, though.

"Hello?" Betty said, but there was no response.

"I hung up on her," Shego informed her friend with a shrug and a smirk.

"You hung up on her?" the older female inquired in disbelief.

"Yeah, she was getting too bitchy for me. Unfortunately, she's going to call back with my mother on the line and we're going to be scolded like we're in elementary school," the raven-haired woman explained.

"So, what should we do?" Betty asked.

"Well, I don't know about you, but I have that disease that makes it impossible for me to hear when a phone rings," Shego remarked. It would work for them as long as her mother did not happen to be in Go City at that very moment.

Betty laughed a bit. She guessed that ignoring them could work. They were probably going to be in trouble with their mothers for the rest of their lives. It did make things interesting; annoying, but interesting.

----(New day)

"Betty!" Steve shouted as he entered the chief's office. She had a pounding headache and he was not helping. But, she did not expect him to help since he was one of the causes of the headache. She would stab him if he was not a government employee and that would bring more trouble in her life and she had enough of that for a moment.

"Major Barkin, how many times do we have to go through this? First, you should knock before entering my office and wait for permission to enter before barging in like a disgruntled rhino. Second, when in this building, you are to refer to me as Doctor Director or Chief, as I am in command around here. Third, if you insist on yelling like a chimp on drugs, I'm not going to listen. Now, let's try it again," she replied, speaking to him as if he was a child.

Major Steve Barkin frowned; he hated that his ex-wife was acting so high and mighty. She was only the chief of a division full of very crappy police officers. He did not see the point in her acting so haughty. Her job was not that great and he hoped that she was not letting the fact that she had a doctorate or two go to her head. It was not like she was a real doctor. She could not help him if he had a heart attack at the moment because she was not a real doctor; she would not have helped him if she could more than likely. In his opinion, she should have just remained his wife rather than run a crackerjack operation like she did now.

"What do you want?" Betty inquired when it became apparent that her former husband was not going to step out of the office.

"I need the training grounds," he answered.

"And what's that got to do with me?" she asked in a disinterested tone.

"Order your subordinates off of it," he commanded her.

"It's in use? Hmm…" Betty looked to the right side of her desk and grabbed a stack of papers. She flipped through the pages on her desk. "Ah, yes, Officer Killigan is training some explosive experts today. You'll have to sit and wait for him to finish."

"What?" Steve hollered in an outrage.

"He had it booked first. It can't be helped. It's not like I can just kick him off for you. You had the schedule, so you knew he'd be out there right now. Why are you complaining if you knew?" she asked in an irked tone.

She had provided Steve with everything he required to start his program, including a schedule of the training grounds. He knew what times the grounds had been reserved for him, so he did not have the right to complain now. He should have complained a few days ago instead of agreeing to those times like he did.

"You're supposed to cooperate and provide me with everything I need," he harped on her.

"I am. I have certainly given you everything that you need to run you nutty program. You have resources, competent officers, and our complete training grounds. If you want to see me not cooperating, keep getting on my nerves," she dared him.

Steve frowned deeper than he had already been doing. She eyed him with a determined expression on her face. She hoped that he tried to test her because she would not mind making two weeks of his life Hell on Earth. After all, he had made three months of her life Hell once upon a time. He used to yell at her for some of the dumbest things and had her mistaken for a housewife when she was anything but that sort of creature. She had been in school and training for an intense job in law enforcement, so she did not have time to play the housewife for him. He did not seem to understand that, but she had put up with it for a while. She put up with it until Shego pointed out the guy was a very noisy ass.

"I demand the training grounds now," Steve declared.

"Really? Fine, you can have this time slot tomorrow," Betty seemed to concede.

Steve was not going to accept that. "Today," he demanded.

"Go get it yourself if you want it now," she replied smoothly. "Just watch out if you hear the word 'fore' being shouted in a heavy Scottish accent. Actually, no, don't watch out because we're not liable if you're blown up in the training grounds."

"Listen here—" he started.

"Good day, Major."

"Betty—"

"I said, good day," she growled.

Steve scowled and marched out of the office. Betty turned her attention to her phone. She grabbed it and called Shego into her office. The green-skinned female showed up almost seconds after the call.

"What can I do for you?" Shego inquired.

"Can you put together a team to train everyday for the next two weeks in the afternoon?" Betty proposed.

"From the people around here?" the raven-haired female asked in a confused tone.

"No, just any team," the one-eyed woman replied.

"Do we have to do anything specific?"

"Drive Steve stark, raving mad," Betty answered.

"I've got a few people in mind as long as I don't really have to train them."

"Well, we're going to call it 'training,' but it could be whatever the hell you want. You guys could go out there and play the fiddle for all I care," the boss commented.

"No problem, although that fiddle thing might be a bit difficult," Shego remarked with a wicked smirk on her face. She did not really care who she had to associate with in order to get on Steve's nerves because she hated him. She would like nothing more to send him fleeing into the night, screaming at the top of his lungs about the horror. She hoped that he got all red in the face from his anger and he might even try to do something stupid. She would get a real kick out of that. All she had to do was go gather some pests and she had a good idea of the crew that she could use.

----(New day)

"Um…what are we doing here again?" Ron wondered aloud as he, Yori, Monique, Felix, and of course Kim were lined up in what appeared to be a demolished section of the city, but it was actually the training grounds of Doctor Director's law enforcement division.

It was a large area with buildings lining the streets, but the buildings all looked ready to fall over. There was a small park space too with a muddy pond. It was set up to look like the city because the city was where the officers that operated. It was used mostly for real life simulations, even though they did have a holo-room. Nothing beat solid, real spaces for danger, though.

"Because I said so," Shego barked. She was dressed to look like a drill instructor, only to get on the group's nerves.

"Yeah, but we did we agree to this?" Monique asked Kim.

"We had two choices, doing this or going to Mexippon again," Kim replied and Monique made a face that looked like she was going to throw up.

"We made the right decision," the chocolate-eyed female decided. She did not understand why they kept going back to that place when only Ron seemed to think that it was the greatest idea ever to mix Mexican and Japanese food.

"Totally," the redhead concurred. She had proposed that they all spend their free time running around the training ground, shooting paintballs at each other because her mistress had told her last night that she wanted her and a few other people to cause some fun sort of trouble. How could they pass up on fun trouble, especially since it involved no deceitful actions? All they had to do was bug out and play paintball; well, those things and listen to Shego's orders, but that was a given for Kim.

"All right, you maggots, do you all have your weapons?" Shego inquired.

"Yeah," the group confirmed, holding up rifles. They also had side arms. They guns were safe because even though they looked real, all they did was shoot paint.

"All right. We'll play a game where two of you will be criminals and the other three—" Shego was cut off.

"Four!" Rufus squeaked while popping out of Ron's pocket, which caught the officer's attention.

"You're walking around with a bald squirrel in your pocket?" Shego inquired with a craned eyebrow. She now knew that she had picked the right screwballs to drive Steve off of his rocker.

"He's a naked mole rat and where else would I keep him?" the blonde countered in a confused tone.

"Touché. Well, the criminals are going to get more firepower than the good guys—" Shego tried to continue on, but she was interrupted again.

"Do the winners get a prize?" Ron asked.

"Yeah, I don't kill you," the pale woman replied. "I might not be able to keep that promise if you keep interrupting me, though," she added.

"I'll be quiet," he eep-ed.

It was decided that Kim and Felix would be the criminals in the game, which was just cops and robbers with paintball guns. They had lost the coin toss and that was why they had to be the bad guys. They were provided with additional weapons that their friends were not told about to add to the realism of the game. The pair was let loose into the crumbling model of a city neighborhood.

The other three were then given their own firepower. They waited for a while to let their friends set up whatever the pair was going to do. The "good guy" group rushed in once they were released and they hoped that things were going to be as fun as they seemed. Shego walked around the edge of the training grounds for only a few seconds before Steve and his crew showed up.

"What's going on?" Steve demanded to know.

"Nothing," Shego answered with a shrug.

"Then what are you doing on my training grounds on my time?" he huffed.

"I had no idea you owned all of the time, but then again, I didn't even know you owned the training grounds. I must behind in the times," she remarked.

"Now see here—" he started.

Steve was cut off as a weapon came between him and Shego. They both hopped back to avoid being hit and a knife was stuck in the ground. Steve turned his anger-filled eyes to Shego, who turned her attention to the training grounds. Those kids were playing rough, she noted.

"Holy shit! Yori's throwing kunai!" Felix shouted loud enough for all to hear. He had dodged one, but the other that she threw, he noticed was way off course. Kim had told her friends that when they saw a big guy with brown hair was when the trouble part of their deal started. Yori had obviously spotted Barkin and wanted to shake him up a bit with the weapon.

"What's going on?" Steve demanded to know because there were people apparently in the training ground and they were engaging each other when he was supposed to be using the grounds. There was also the problem that one of those people had come very close to injuring him.

"Oh, just some kids I'm training for a community watch thing," Shego answered with a shrug. She did need an official reason to use the training site because of the paperwork. Betty had come up with story that she was training some young people that wanted to form a neighborhood watch group and learn the basics of self-defense.

Steve was about to go off; he was getting red in the face from his fury. But, then a certain redhead came running toward them. Shego arched an eyebrow in regards to why her munchkin was fleeing the scene. She wondered if her monster might actually be outclassed by her nutty friends.

Kim was holding one of the larger weapons that Shego had provided her and Felix with. Kim stopped right in front of the pair and flung the weapon up on her shoulder; it was a rocket launcher that shot a shell full of colored powder. She started mumbling to herself as far as they could tell. She was actually thinking out loud and calculating the right angle that she was going to need to hit her friends with the weapon while Felix was holding them at bay from a sniping position. As she was about to fire, Steve grabbed her and made her shot go awry.

"Aw, damn it," Kim groaned while throwing the weapon to the ground in a huff.

"What the hell do you think you're doing, girl?" Steve barked down at the redhead. Shego's self-control was pushed to its limits watching him try to manhandle her mini-monster.

The petite hero misunderstood the question. She assumed that he was inquiring about her calculations in hoping to get her friends with the projectile. She began going into the mathematics of what she had been planning. He only grew angrier with her as she continued on speaking.

"Do you expect me to believe you were going to hit people you can't even see on calculations from right off the top of your head?" he inquired incredulously in a very hostile tone.

"I would've if you didn't grab me. I knew their exact location, the power of the weapon, the distance between us, not to mention how the weapon works. Why wouldn't I hit them?" Kim countered. She did not understand how it was plausible to not believe her when her calculations were sound and she explained it well in her opinion.

"This is ridiculous! Get them out of there right now! I'm not playing games, so move it!" Steve ordered Shego.

"I can't do that," the pale woman replied with a shrug.

"Kim, where the hell are you?" Felix shouted over a communication unit that Shego had provided the clique with. He was trying to get his partner back in the "game" since he could not hold the others at bay forever and he had no interest in losing.

The slender hero easily pulled away from Steve and charged back into the mayhem. They were all having a good time playing around with high-tech, harmless weapons in such a complex space. Steve yelled something at the redheaded girl as she run back into the carnage, but she ignored the man, and she disappeared around a building corner. Steve turned his attention to Shego to vent his fury on her.

"You call those punks in there now!" Steve ordered the raven-haired officer.

"Sorry, I can't do that," Shego replied.

"You do it or I'll send these guys in there to flush out your little miscreants," he threatened her.

"First of all, don't use words you don't know the meaning of and just heard of TV one day. Second of all, which is more important, I don't care. You can go ahead and try to flush them out, but let me warn you, they're heavily armed," she replied with a smirk.

"I don't care either. Listen up you poor excuses for police officers," Steve said to his group of ten. "I want you to go in there and drive out any of the people that are not in this group right now!" he commanded.

Nine of the ten officers charged off. The one left was Will Du. He began to explain how it was against regulations to dish out orders that might possibly put civilians at risk. Steve was not trying to hear that and just barked at the young man, who quoted the book of regulations in response. And that argument went on for a while.

Shego, on the other hand, warned her group over the communication units that a group of nine individuals were coming to spoil their fun and it would best for them to not allow that to happen. She informed them that they might want to defend themselves if they ran into the officers unless they wanted to be dragged out of the training ground covered in paint; paint if they were lucky anyway. They would also be laughed at mercilessly.

The friends were not in the mood to be laughed at and joined forces against the police officers while Steve was ready to pull his hair out thanks to Will. To irk Steve further, not even ten minutes later, his group fled the training ground, obviously defeated since they were covered in paint. They appeared as if they had just gone through a serious ordeal.

"Where the hell do you pussies think you're going?" Steve demanded to know as his men continued to run away, even when they were safely out of the training ground.

"Those kids are nuts!" one of the officers replied as they continued their flight.

"Get back in there!" the Major ordered.

The officers did not argue and halted. They unwisely returned to the onslaught to avoid getting into trouble and possibly have marks on their records. Shego laughed the whole training time because she could hear her fellow officers whining about the maniac kids they were facing. Steve and his team eventually withdrew; his team went first and then he had to follow because they refused to go back inside. Shego called her team back once Steve was gone. The friends were covered in sweat and laughing their heads off. They had had a good time.

"That was way better than Mexippon," Monique declared.

"Absolutely," Yori concurred.

"Just watch those shuriken next time," Felix complained. A throwing star had almost gotten stuck in his chair and he did not want to worry about the problems that might cause.

"I don't think it's fair that Kim was using those hero gadgets either," Ron chimed in while picking some gummy substance off of his shoulder.

"At least I wasn't throwing kunai," Kim argued.

"It was only five," Yori retorted. She was carrying over a dozen and she had only thrown five. They were getting too bent out of shape on the matter in her opinion.

"Do you bunch feel up to this again tomorrow?" Shego asked the crew.

"A chance to play around with high-tech weapons? Hell, yeah, I'm here," Felix answered.

"I could use such a thorough exercise," Yori concurred. Training alone was nothing like what they had just done today. She wished that they could do it everyday.

"Well, I'm here with my babe," Ron declared, even though he was not as much a fan of all the work. It was still fun.

"Okay, fine, I'll come and shoot it out with you guys again," Monique agreed. The exercise was fun and so was the shooting, but she was not sure if she would like to do it everyday.

"And you're coming no matter what," Shego informed her pet, who shrugged.

Well, the stage was set. It was time to bother Steve Barkin until he learned some manners. Well, to be honest, it was just time to bother the Major. Shego doubted that he would learn anything from the ordeal. He was just too hardheaded for that. After all, he still could not figure out the reason why Betty left him. Obviously, he was an imbecile as far as Shego was concerned.

--------------

Next time: Betty gets a bit of a break.


	43. Gag Forty Three: Valuable

I don't own these characters and I don't own this premise.

Gag Forty-three: Valuable

_Today was a good day. Classes went smoothly. I didn't almost kill myself at the lab, even though this gaboon viper that I named Edgar tried to lash out at me for not having his meal quick enough for him. I got called out on this way harsh mission, but I came out ahead as always. Now, I'm looking forward to hitting the couch and getting petted until I can't stand it anymore…not that that's ever happened before. So, by my standards, yes, today was a very good day._

Kim entered the apartment and planned to crash on the sofa. She was yawning already as she walked into the living room and found out that her idea had been stolen. Betty was sleeping on the sofa; it was her only day off of the week. It had not been much of a day off considering how she had to make everyone's breakfast, clean the apartment, do the laundry (and she swore to the heavens now that Kim was the dirtiest kid on the planet because of the mud that tended to be caked into her clothes), mop the kitchen floor, and take Leonardo for his morning walk.

The redhead actually felt sorry for Betty. She knew that the one-eyed woman was having a hard time all around. First of all, the woman had been muscled out of her home…or so Kim guessed because she could not imagine someone like Betty just running away from her own home, even though that was what the one-eyed chief had done. Now, she was depending on someone else for a place to stay and camping out in the living room of her friend's house. That had to be tough in itself for someone like Betty, who was so strong and independent, but of course there was more to it than that. Her life was chalked full of individual annoyances too.

The slim scientist had met and interacted with the older woman's main annoyance, her ex-husband Major Steve Barkin. She did not see how an intelligent woman like Betty could have been with him, especially long enough to agree to marry the man, but she did not judge the police chief. She knew better than to judge a woman by her taste in partners; after all, look at her choices and of course, there was her mistress, who had almost left her for a man that the pale woman would have killed within the year if she had married him. It was just that Major Barkin was an exceptionally hard man to like.

He was skeptical on anything that he did not understand, especially if the explanation went over his head, which they typically did when she or her friends were around. Kim joked that he probably believed that the world was flat, that the sun went around the Earth, and the planets moved in perfect circular motions held together by strong bands around the Earth. He yelled all of the time to get his point across and more than half the time the point was, well, pointless. Several people already assumed that he just liked talking loudly for his own entertainment. He also seemed to assume that he was superior to those around him because he was a major; he enjoyed pointing out his rank way too much as far as everyone was concerned. He thought much too highly of himself as far as Kim and her friends were concerned and they could not figure out why he thought he was so great. They could not come up with five good qualities about the guy when they all go together to make fun of him. Kim could not believe that Betty's mother, Eleanor Director, would want her to go back to that man.

Kim had not had the pleasure to meet Eleanor Director, but she had come to understand that she was the second major annoyance in Betty's life at the moment. She had heard her mistress and Betty discussing the woman a few times at length, mostly because they now refused to answer Betty's phone when she called, but they did go on about it when they noticed that she was trying to get in touch. The middle-aged woman had gone up to the department building a few times too, but Betty always managed to escape rather than confront her mother. She was always running away when it came to her mother, Betty noted about herself sometime ago.

The petite hero knew that she was the third biggest annoyance to the one-eyed woman. It was not something that she was proud of. She did not mean to be a pest. She was just acting the way that she usually did when she was home. It was just that Betty was not used to her, so she ended up being irksome.

Betty also was not her mistress, so it was hard for her to do the things for Kim that Shego demanded of her. The brunette woman believed that Kim needed to get off her lazy butt and do something, but her owner always made it clear that as a pet, she did not have to do anything, except be very cute and mess some things up every now and then. But, her messes were driving Betty crazy because she was stressed from her days at work and time spent ducking her mother. She also did not think that Kim being cute made up for the things that she did like Shego seemed to believe. She also could not accept the redhead as nothing more than a pet because she was human, so she often thought that Kim should be doing something with her life in someway, like cleaning up her own damn messes. The slender scholar was certain that her behavior at meals was not helping, considering how she whined if everything was not perfectly to her liking, but she was used to acting that way when something was not perfect.

Kim sighed. "You know, I really envy you because of how good you're making that sleep look," she commented in a low voice to avoid waking Betty.

The older woman was making her nap look especially great with the way that she was laid out on the couch and curled up with a throw pillow. She looked so comfortable that it was like she was in a bed. She was even lightly snoring and a small trace of saliva was coming from her mouth. It had to be a grand sleep she was having, the hero concluded. She wished that she was sleeping like that at that very moment, but she was not going to get to it.

The redhead looked around the house and noticed that it was fairly clean. She trotted into the kitchen and saw that there was a grocery list on the counter. She gathered that Betty planned to go shopping, but crashed on the sofa first. Kim snatched up the list and returned to the living room to see Leonardo nudging his master. He was trying to rouse her from her sleep. He probably wanted to go outside for a walk or a run, Kim guessed.

"Psst, Leo," Kim called the dog in a low voice.

The canine turned to the trim hero and she held up a leash. She pointed to herself, silently volunteering to take him outside. Leonardo seemed to understand the gesture and agree with that arrangement, trotting over to her. Kim attached the leash to his collar and they dashed out of the apartment, leaving Betty to her heavenly-looking nap.

--------------

Betty's eye fluttered open and she sat up. She glanced down at her watch and noticed what time it was. She balked as she realized that she had been asleep for almost three hours. She had to get dinner ready, but she had not even gone out to buy the food. She had to walk Leonardo too! She leaped off of the sofa and hoped that the dog had not made a mess somewhere in the freshly cleaned apartment.

"Leo," she called as she looked around and then she noted the aroma of food hanging in the air.

Betty started toward the kitchen and her canine met her halfway. She expected him to begin tugging her toward the front door because she had to take him out for a walk, but he did not do that. He just merrily barked when he saw her and bounced around her as she continued toward the dining area. She found Kim lying on the floor in the middle of the kitchen entrance, staring at Shego undoubtedly. The pale woman was fixing plates.

"What's going on?" the onyx-eyed female inquired, speaking to whoever would answer her question.

"Doesn't she have the best hips?" Kim asked, referring to her mistress and letting Betty know what she was focusing on.

Betty ignored her; the kid had a one-track mind as far as she was concerned that did not deserve acknowledgment. For the week that she had been there, she was pretty sure that the little redhead was just a pervert. She once said that Kim was worse than a guy when it came to ogling Shego. Kim seemed rather proud of that and had grinned rather stupidly in Betty's opinion.

"Shego, what are you doing?" the elder woman demanded to know, as if she was offended.

"Making dinner," the green-skinned female answered the obvious.

"But, why?" Betty asked. They had an agreement and she wanted to keep her end of the bargain.

"Well, I didn't want to risk the shrimp burning it and us," Shego remarked while pointing down at her pet, who grinned like a mischievous imp. She had not been grinning when her master came in and discovered her in the kitchen, though.

"What the hell do you mean?" the one-eyed female inquired in a confused tone.

"Bets, just accept it. Everything doesn't need to be explained, especially immediately. So, take a seat and shut the hell up," Shego replied.

"I've got to take Leo for a walk," Betty objected to sitting down. It was the best that she could come up with, despite the fact that she knew she should have had a comeback for being told to "shut the hell up."

"The squirt took care of that," the moss-hued officer informed her friend.

The brunette woman was astonished and it showed on her face. She turned her attention to Kim, who grinned up at her to confirm that she had walked Leonardo and Betty could relax. Betty could not believe it, almost would not believe it, but the brat had done a favor for her and she had not even asked for it. And to think, she swore the kid was nothing more than a petty, selfish, perverted, annoying brat.

"Why?" Betty asked the redhead.

"Bets, damn it, I just said accept it. Everything doesn't need to be explained. Shit, will you sit the fuck down before I make you?" Shego ordered.

The one-eyed woman really could not argue that. She decided to just sit down and allowed Shego to serve her dinner. She then watched the pale woman serve Kim and Shego did something that Betty could not do after being at the apartment for a whole week, she got Kim's meal right on the first try. The slender scientist smiled at her mistress, who sat down to eat. Shego forgot something, though.

"Hey, you didn't feed Leo," Kim quickly pointed out. Apparently, the green-skinned woman was not perfect.

Shego snorted in annoyance. She got back up, even though she noticed that her friend was going to protest. She put her hand up to shut Betty up and she fed the dog. She then sat back down to eat her food.

"I was going to make this," Betty commented, referring to meal.

"I figured as much when Pumpkin showed me the shopping list. When I came in, she was about to burst into tears in the kitchen trying to figure out what you had planned for dinner," the emerald-eyed female replied.

"No, I wasn't!" Kim huffed indignantly. All right, she had been very clueless and puzzled as to what meal the groceries were supposed to combine to make, but she could have figured it out if given enough time. Well, maybe not because she did not even really know what the meal was while looking at it complete. It was good and that was about all she knew.

"Don't yell at me!" Shego barked at her monster. "You're starting to get besides yourself while company's here."

"Don't tell her I was crying!" Kim countered in a whine, making her mistress' claim seem very true.

"That's it!" Shego declared because she did think that her pet was getting beside herself trying to yell at her.

The pale woman got out of her chair and grabbed her pet. Kim knew what punishment was coming before it hit her. The redhead tried to get away and failed. Shego began tickling her badly behaved elf and Kim started laughing so hard that it seemed that she was screaming. She tried fighting back, but her mistress dodged and continued her merciless onslaught.

Betty and Leonardo watched the pair because they were extremely entertaining. The onyx-eyed female had witnessed such play only a few times since she had been staying in the apartment. It would seem that the pair was trying to behave normally or civil while she was around, which seemed to mean Shego had to keep up her irked façade. Kim still acted like she usually did, though. They did try to come across as strictly bothered master and troublesome pet while Betty was there, so the one-eyed woman still did not know the true nature of their relationship. But then again, they hardly knew the "true" nature of their relationship.

--------------

"You just let her take a nap this late at night?" Betty asked Shego.

Kim was asleep, her head resting in Shego's lap. The super-powered officer was on the sofa with her pet and caressing the redhead's scalp; it was soothing for the both of them and she could not help herself, even though they had company. Betty was sitting on the floor with Leonardo resting his head in her lap and she was petting his head. The dog was also sleeping. The friends were watching a movie that they enjoyed from when they were younger.

"Sometimes, she sleeps through the night if I leave her alone," Shego answered.

"So, she walked Leo, huh?" Betty commented.

"Don't think too much on it, Bets."

"I'm not," the older woman lied.

Of course Betty was going to think too much on it. She did not understand why a little brat would do something nice for her, let alone numerous things like let her stay asleep on the sofa, walk her dog, and do the grocery shopping. Especially since it was not secret that she thought that the brat was a brat. Why would Kim do anything for her? She guessed that the brat was an all right kid, but she was still a brat. She did feel just a little guilty about all of the times that she had hit the kid during her stay, though. But, that feeling quickly went away as she reminded herself that the impish brat deserved those blows for being such a dirty pest.

"You know, Pumpkin and her friends have Barkin going nuts," Shego commented in an amused tone.

"I know. He comes to my office every day, hollering at the top if his lungs about the punks on the grounds at his time. It takes all of my training and self-control to not laugh at him while he's standing right there. What are they doing to him?" Betty asked curiously. She could use some grisly details to entertain her.

"Oh, you want the dirty dealings?"

"You know I do."

The moss-hued female smiled a bit and decided to oblige. "Well, Princess has been getting on his nerves with crazy stunts and scientific evidence to back up when she can do something that he swears up and down is impossible. Her favorite thing is going into long, mathematical explanations and then her friend in the wheelchair joins in. They're purposely longwinded and sometimes they admit that they just make shit up to tell him and watch him get all confused. A couple of days ago they went so far as to drawing their calculations in the dirt to make this equation and after they sent him away screaming, they looked down at it and asked each other just what the hell they were even talking about.

"The blonde kid counters their intelligence by acting like a complete idiot, although he might not be acting. He always seems to need to know how something works when Barkin is standing right there and he manages to get paint on the guy or dust in his face or something like that. Sometimes, he even hits Barkin by 'accident.' Barkin looks like he would love nothing more than to kill this kid a lot of the time and then Will steps in with all his regs about hitting civilians and things.

"Then there's the kid's girlfriend. She's a ninja and carries the weapons of her trade on her at all times. She has a very bad habit of throwing kunai very close to Barkin. Shuriken also come close. She even pretended to have poison in this little egg-shaped container and opened it, spilling it all over Barkin. He freaked and then she looked at it and was like 'this is talcum powder. Then where the hell is my poison?' Classic.

"The fashion queen is an interesting one because she can do like Princess and she can do like the blonde kid, be overly intelligent or suspiciously bumbling. She was practicing some karate moves against Pumpkin really close and 'suddenly' lost control, ended up kicking Barkin in the back. She feigned an apology and then started getting on the guy about his outfit and why it was all wrong for the season and also for combat training.

"It's just a madhouse with those kids. Today Barkin tried to get in some weapons training, but that got put to a halt real quick when he realized my group was using the grounds again. As soon as he showed, my group caught sight of all of the weapons that he was bringing in and they got wicked, wicked ideas. Pumpkin's friends challenged her and wheel boy to take the weapons apart and build something totally new with the parts. I was waiting for Barkin's head to explode from all of this," Shego reported, laughing all the way through.

Betty smiled hearing those things. "That's good to know. I can't believe I actually married that ass," she commented.

"That makes two of us," the super-powered female remarked with a teasing smile.

"Like you didn't do stupid things when left on your own," Betty countered. Hell, Shego did stupid things when they were together and she was there to tell Shego that it was stupid.

"Stop living in the past," Shego replied since her friend was speaking the truth. The problem was that they only knew things were stupid in retrospect or after the other found out when they were solo acts.

"Yeah, screw the past. The present is better than back then…well, it will be once my mother and brother get their asses the fuck out of my city," the one-eyed woman quipped.

The younger woman laughed a bit. "What is the deal with our families?" she wondered out loud.

"I don't even know. Maybe there was a gas leak on our block. I'm just glad I'm not like them. Well, not completely anyway. I am a little like my mother, aren't I?" Betty asked with a sigh. She hated that thought and she despised that her friend was going to confirm it.

"Yeah, I guess you are," Shego affirmed as expected, but then she surprisingly added to that. "But, I guess I'm like my mother in a way, as much as I hate to admit that shit. I just hear that we can't escape the dumb-ass legacy we come from completely."

"Your mom said that, didn't she?"

"Yeah, she hates that she's like her mother. We're all just fucked up," the pale woman commented as if it was nothing. Sure, they were fucked up, but she had seen worse.

Betty nodded in agreement. "You know…I always wished I had your mom instead of mine," she confessed.

She had been carrying that secret with her for a while. She felt foolish for envying her friend's mother, coveting their relationship since about the time that she had known Shego. What Shego and Isabel had was so different from what she had with her own mother. Sure, it was antagonistic, but it was more playful than hostile. Her relationship with her own mother was hostile and disappointing. While she was certain that her mother had almost never been proud of her, she believed that Isabel never stopped being proud of Shego, even when the pale woman did things that Isabel did not agree with. She was willing to bet that having a mother than that believed in her like Isabel seemed to believe in Shego was a great thing. She wished that she had that.

"I know," Shego replied as if it was nothing, which surprised her comrade since she thought that she had been carrying a secret.

The green-skinned woman had always known that her friend envied her for her mother. She had been able to see it in Betty's eyes all the time when they were growing up. She could see that want and desire for whatever it was that her mother gave her that Betty's mother never seemed to provide the onyx-eyed female with. She could practically hear Betty's heart crying out for someone like Isabel. She could almost hear Betty's mind wondering why her own mother was so different compared to Shego's mother.

As much as Shego could not stand Isabel, she understood why Betty would want Isabel for a mother. Where Shego knew what it was like to be spoiled, cuddled, and considered extra-special by her mother, Betty had gotten none of that from her own mother. Betty was always told that she was not good enough no matter what she did and was always being compared to her twin brother, who Eleanor openly favored, which Shego never could understand.

Sheldon was not that great as far as Shego could tell. He was rather average in everything that he tried, except for when the moron managed to put his own eye and his sister's eye out when he was younger with some stupid ballistics experiment. He never even apologized for it and just claimed that she lost her eye because she had been in his way. He had gotten their mother's complete attention afterwards because the fool had also blown off his own hand along with their eyes. What a moron, Shego always thought.

Betty had always pretended that she did not care that her mother did not seem to love her, even when she lost her eye. She tried her best to act like she was all right and that she did not need her mother to check on her, or cuddle her, or just something, which her mother obliged with by hardly asking her if she was all right while her skull still throbbed and she had to adjust to her new, limited world view. She tried to make it seem like she did not want her mother around, much like Shego was. They were both such liars.

The pale woman had considered that maybe the Director family automatically favored the oldest, no matter what. Like her mother's side of the family favored girls for whatever reason, although Isabel spoiled her youngest sons to her heart's content too. Shego just could not see why Eleanor babied Sheldon while reprimanding Betty for almost everything that she did. If she were to compare the twins, Betty was like the sun in brilliance while Sheldon was like a dirt clod. He just lacked any radiance or shine, even now.

Sheldon was not an outstanding fellow. He still lived with his mother, even though he was the head of a ballistics lab. He was ugly, in Shego's opinion anyway. And he carried around a little rat-dog like he was some female aristocrat from past centuries; he might as well wear a powdered wig while he was at it, she thought. He was irksome because thanks to his mother, he swore to the heavens that he was someone important and he often tried to rub that in Betty's face. The female twin had no problem with telling her brother where he could go when he started with her.

"Your mom was always so nice to me," Betty remembered.

"Of course. You're my punching bag, after all. She's just wanted you to stay at the top of your game to keep me at mine," Shego remarked.

The one-eyed female scoffed. "She was probably bribing me to stay your friend."

The green-skinned woman laughed a bit. Her mother, when she was around anyway, always treated Betty like a second daughter. Knowing Isabel, it was because she wanted her antisocial little girl to keep at least one friend. She might have felt a bit sorry for Betty too, knowing how Eleanor treated her daughter. Isabel openly disagreed with how Eleanor raised Betty and how she treated Betty, but Eleanor always pointed out that Betty was her daughter and she could do with her daughter as she wanted. Isabel could not argue that point. She could only treat Betty as she did Shego when the one-eyed female was with her daughter.

"I always wondered how two very different women could stay be best friends," Betty commented.

"Money," Shego guessed.

"That's true," the older female conceded.

They knew that money had brought their friendship closer and that had happened by doing the same thing that their mothers had done when they were younger. They used to fight each other for money. Sometimes the fights were legit and sometimes they conned people. They would enter tournaments together and when it was over, they would pool their money together and equally split their winnings. It was the start of their bankrolls, which was why they had all that money to burn now, and faked their mothers into thinking that they were going to follow in their footsteps. To hell with that, they had both silently decided one day. They wanted to be different from their mothers, but to a degree, as they had stated before, they were like their mothers.

"You know what we have that our mothers didn't," Betty said.

"What?" Shego was going to guess a number of things, but she doubted that she would have been right.

"Good, loyal pets," Betty answered with a smile.

Shego laughed again and agreed with that. They had other differing factors from their mothers, but having loving pets felt like the best thing in their opinions. Good pets and good friends. Life was good despite everything that was happening, they concluded.

---------------

Next time: things get handled.


	44. Gag Forty Four: Bite the bullet

I don't own these characters and I don't own this premise.

Guest thought once more.

Gag Forty-four: Bite the bullet

_I've always wondered if I'm a coward. I can face almost anything without shaking or quivering and I don't give a damn what it is. I've been through some things most people couldn't even imagine and came out unscathed for the most part. The thing is the _"almost"_ part, though. One person seemed to frighten me for my whole life and she is the reason I wonder if I'm a coward. I just can't seem to stand up to her. But, isn't it about time for me to stop being scared? I'm a grown woman, after all. What the hell can she do to me now that she hasn't already done?_

Doctor Director sat at her desk and Major Steve Barkin burst into her office. She expected as much because he did that everyday at about the same time; every now and then he was a few minutes later for whatever reason. It helped add to her eternal headache when he stormed in. She expected more that day than any other day because it was his last day there. She would thankfully never have to see him again after that day. She guessed that there was a kind, pure, just, merciful God somewhere out there.

"Well, Betty, this is it. I've been through the worst Hell imaginable with this playground you call a station. I'm going to make sure no one ever comes here to do special training ever again," Steve declared as if he was hurting her. He was attempting to get her attention since bursting in had not done that.

"Okay," she replied calmly without taking her eyes off of her paperwork. She really, truly detested those special programs anyway. They interrupted the department schedule and tried to take away some of her better officers. Some of her employees left with the training programs because loyalty meant nothing to them and they just went where the money was…or where they got to blow more stuff up. So, she hoped that he managed to make sure no one came in to do any special training. She might even be grateful.

"What do you mean 'okay'? Do you understand what I'm saying?" he inquired because he did not think that she should be so nonchalant about thing.

"Yeah, got it," she answered dismissively. She hoped that he would get out of the office now. They did not have anything more to discuss in her opinion and she would like to get through her paperwork. Also, the sooner that he got out of the office, the sooner he would be out of her life, which was best thing about the whole day.

"Betty—" he started to say, but she interjected.

"What? You're going to make it so no armed forces' groups will ever come here again to do training. Thank you, goodbye," she said.

"Betty—" he tried once again.

"What?" she asked curtly. Her annoyance was now very evident in her voice. She wished that he would just get the hell out already.

"You know it's not too late," he commented.

"Too late for what?" she inquired, knowing that they were no longer speaking professionally. She hoped that he was not talking about what she thought that he was talking about.

"For you to come back to me," he clarified, letting her know that her hope was in vain. He thought that she could do better than what she was doing by returning to him. He would take her back and he would take care of her. He did still have feelings for her, even though her attitude had changed for the worst from what he could tell.

Doctor Director could not help laughing out loud. She then looked up at him and noticed how serious he was. She laughed again, not caring about how he might take the sound. He was quite a piece of work, she thought. He seemed to think that she was lamenting over the fact that she had divorced him. What went on in his mind? She could not fathom why he believed that she would ever consider going back to him.

"Steve, I run an elite law enforcement department. I have a lovely house that is in a great neighborhood, several PhDs, a screwy but fantastic best friend, a loyal dog, and a boyfriend that respects me. Do you honestly think that I'm going to leave all of this behind to go back to your hollering, immature behavior, tiny apartment, and the fact that you seem to think I'm supposed to be a housewife? I'm not your little woman anymore. I'm Doctor Elizabeth Director and I'm going to be her until the day I die. And since I can't be her when I'm with you, I guess I won't be with you," she stated soundly.

It seemed logical enough to her. She did not even understand why he even wanted her back. Maybe if she still took all of his shit, she might understand why he would still want her, but she did not. She thought that the divorce was best for both of them considering it saved one of them from having to kill the other with the way their tempers flared.

"You think all of this crap is better than me?" he practically shouted in disbelief. Was the woman mad? He was like a godsend to her in his opinion. He obviously thought very highly of himself.

"Steve, I'm going to give you five seconds to walk out of my door and out of my life or I'm going to throw you out and I'm not going to open the door before doing it," she warned him.

Steve stood his ground and not only called her bluff, but challenged her ability to do as she said by staying where he was. He thought that he could make her see the light and figure out that it was better for her to be with him. He just needed to prove that he was a more powerful force than she was. Betty frowned because of the challenge to her authority and the disrespect that he was showing her. She stood up.

Outside of the office everything was normal and no one would have suspected that anything out of the ordinary was going on. And then, a body crashed through the chief's door. Everyone turned their attention in that direction to see Major Barkin lying on his back on top of the door, which was on the floor. As odd as it might have seemed, the scene made total sense to them and after getting a good look and laugh, they moved on to finish whatever they were doing.

"Pissed her off, didn't you?" Shego asked Steve as she stood over the major.

"Go to hell," Steve growled.

"As long as you're not there, I'd be happy to make the trip," she remarked with a teasing smile.

"Shego," the boss called.

"Yeah?"

"Escort Major Barkin to the door and see to it that he doesn't get back into the building," Doctor Director ordered. She knew those were some commands that her friend would thoroughly enjoy.

"Yes, ma'am," Shego saluted and everything. She did like those orders and she could not wait to get to them.

The pale woman grabbed Steve by the arm and shoulder. She forced the brunette male to the front door of the building. He protested all the way, but she ignored him. He also attempted to resist her, but he found out that she was in complete and total control of what was happening. She tossed him out onto the street like a useless sack of trash. He landed on his chest and face. She glared at him, daring him to try to come back into the building. He stared back as he climbed to his feet. He considered taking her up on her offer.

Steve knew about Shego's super-powers from first hand experience and he knew about her skills as a martial artist. Add that knowledge to the fact that he was very aware that she could care less about how it would look for her to beat up a person in the military, so he hardly had a choice in hesitating in what he wanted to do about the disrespect that she had just shown him. He then considered that it would not look good for him to be beaten up by a woman in the middle of the street. He started to leave, but she stopped him.

"Hey, Steve," Shego called.

"What?" he practically snarled.

"Stay away from her from now on because if she has to kick your ass again, I'm going to have to kick your ass again and plasma will be involved," she informed him.

"She's my—"

"Ex-wife," she interjected because she knew what he was about to say. "You don't have any say in her life anymore, so stay the hell out of it."

Steve frowned, but he did not argue that because he did not want to get her started up. He continued on his way, which was a wise decision. He went to his car while Shego watched him. He got into his vehicle and drove away, out of Betty's life for good if he was smart. Shego was glad to see him go. She would not let him wreck Betty's life, especially not while the older woman was in a relationship that worked.

The moss-hued female went back into the station and saw Doctor Director had put the door to her office back up, although the hinges were broken. Shego moved the door to the side and then positioned it back in the frame to mimic the door being closed. Betty was doing her paperwork as usual.

"That's one problem down," Shego commented.

"One to go," Betty sighed. The hard one was left as far as she was concerned.

"I'll ride with you over there," the pale woman offered.

Betty could only nod. She was thankful for the support, which her friend knew, but they preferred not to acknowledge it. The one-eyed woman was going to have to deal with her mother sometime soon and, unfortunately, she could not just throw her mother through a door to get rid of her. First of all, it would be virtually impossible for her to get a grip on her mother to throw her anywhere. Second, her mother would regain control in the air more than likely and land safely. Third, her mother would come back at her with a vengeance and it would hurt. A lot.

Usually, Betty would just wait until her mother got fed up and just went home. It took a while to happen a great deal of the time and she would not mind doing it again, but she could see the look in Shego's eyes that she would not allow her to do that right now and the older woman was right. Shego wanted her friend to stand up to that annoyance that she called a mother. Sure, it might not get the woman to leave Betty alone, but it would at least get her thinking, or so was the assumption.

Shego was very much in favor of Betty cursing her mother out because she used to do that. The emerald-eyed female used to curse Isabel out all of the time when she was a teenager. It was not the wisest of things, but it did make Isabel understand where her head was and it made Isabel think about their relationship. Eleanor needed to get an idea of where Betty's head was and she needed to think about their relationship, in Shego's opinion anyway. She was not taking into account that her mother was different from Eleanor and what worked on Isabel might not necessarily work on Eleanor in the same manner.

--------------

The pair of friends arrived at Betty's house and looked the place over. From the outside, it appeared that her mother and brother had respected her property. Betty could only hope that the inside looked the same, but she doubted it. They entered her residence and saw that her hope was in vain, as she suspected. Her home looked and smelled rather disgusting.

"I'm guessing your brother brought the rat with him," Shego commented while looking at all of the scratch marks on the walls. The marks were not big enough to be done by Leonardo and she knew that the bear of a dog was much too disciplined to consider marking up his master's walls anyway.

"Obviously," Betty replied. Her house carried that rat's stench and it was indeed a foul odor. Oh, she was going to kill that rat-dog or her brother later on, depending on which one she saw first.

"So, you've returned," Eleanor commented from the top of the stairs. She appeared so comfortable looking down on them.

"Did you have fun going through all of her shit?" Shego remarked with a taunting smirk on her face. She loved pissing off the middle-aged woman.

"You're as crude as your mother, you know that, Cassandra?" Eleanor stated. She was not much of a fan of profane language and it was something that she and Shego always clashed over and before Shego, she clashed with Isabel over it.

"I probably get that shit from her," the green-skinned woman quipped with another smirk. She was telling the truth, though. She and her baby brothers more than likely got their language from their mother, who cussed rather casually more often than not.

"Mom, we've got to talk," Betty said.

"Yes, we do," Eleanor concurred as she descended the stairs.

The mother and daughter went into the living room, where Pepe had also left his mark. Betty frowned; one day, she was going to slaughter that little so-called dog and feed it to Sheldon. She could not wait to get rid of her mother and brother. They only caused her grief through out her life and she could not take it anymore. She did not have to take it anymore, she told herself.

"Why'd you let Sheldon do this to my house?" Betty inquired while motioning around the room, which could not have looked worse if they had taken the kitchen garbage and flung it around the area.

Shego was standing at the living room entrance, more listening in than anything else. She knew that she had to stay quiet and let her friend handle everything. She did look around the room as Betty brought it up, though. A potted plant that was kept in the corner had been dug up and tipped over, there was dirt prints on the rug and walls, and they did not even want to consider what the other dark spots on the carpet might be.

"It was poor little Pepe. He gets so anxious in new places," Eleanor replied as if it was nothing.

"Yet you had no problem throwing my dog out in the rain while in my home the second you came in while Pepe has free range over the place. Never mind that because it's not even the point. Mom, it's not that I don't like seeing you or that I don't respect you or something like that, but this is just wrong on so many levels. You can't just show up in my house one day out of the blue because my chimp of an ex is in town and you want me to get back with him. I know you like Steve and everything, but I don't. I don't like him in the slightest. If you like the jackass so much, you can marry him because I damn sure won't do it again," Betty declared and she would have continued, but her mother cut her off.

"Betty, you're thirty one—" the older female started, but she did not get to finish.

"I know how old I am," the one-eyed woman cut her mother off now. She wondered why her mother loved pointing out how old she was. "Mom, let's get some things very straight. I'm not ever marrying Steve again. I hate the man, all right. I really, really hate him. I may or may not have children. I don't know. I don't even know if I want kids. Those are just the facts."

"Betty, you can't be serious," Eleanor said. She thought that her daughter needed to settle down and have some offspring while she could. Betty did not have that much time left in her opinion.

"I am. I also want you and Sheldon the hell out of my house. You obviously don't know how to behave like proper guests. And to think, you always stressed manners in our house," Betty commented.

"You can't speak to me that way," Eleanor growled. How dare her daughter disrespect her right to her face? She did not know what was going through her child's mind, but she was going to put an end to it.

"I can and have. Get out," Betty ordered while pointing to the front door with her thumb. Her friend was silently cheering because of that command.

"Now see here, Elizabeth—"

"Mom, you've got to respect my decision and my property. I'm a grown woman now. I'm thirty-one years old as you so enjoy pointing out. This is my life—" the one-eyed woman tried to make a point.

"And you're living it wrong," Eleanor proclaimed as if it was a solid fact.

"I'm living it the way I want to. It's my life," Betty persisted.

"As a mother, I'm obligated to try to keep you on the right path."

"Your path isn't the right one for me. I'm not like you," Betty stated soundly.

"You should be!" her mother declared in a huff.

"To hell with that!" Betty retorted.

"What?" Eleanor inquired with an offended look on her face.

"Why the hell would I want to be like you? You don't even like me. You want me to be like you and have a daughter that I can't stand and make sure she knows it? Make sure I'm never proud of her, no matter how many martial arts competitions she wins? No matter how good her grades are? No matter how many colleges she gets accepted to? No matter how many doctorates that she gets? No matter how much all she wants is for me to acknowledge her in some way? Every time I did something that I felt was worth some acknowledgement, you'd only look at me scornfully as if saying you could do better," Betty pointed out.

"You could've done better—"

"Better than first place, valedictorian, a 4.0 gpa, and three goddamn PhDs?" Betty asked incredulously. What the fuck, her brain demanded to know. For her whole life, all she wanted to know was what the hell she had to do to make her mother smile at her, but she was coming to understand that that would never happen.

"You could've done better," her mother insisted.

"Whatever. I'm done with all this bullshit. Pack up and leave, Mom. Where's Sheldon? Tell him to get his crap together too. I'm also going to be sending him a bill for Pepe's damages."

Shego was proud of her friend and it was almost apparent because of the expression on her face. Betty had never stood up to her mother before, but it was about time and it was actually a good time. Other times when Betty had to confront her mother, she had only been a teen or a couple of years out of being a teen, which meant that her mother did not take her seriously and just brushed her off as being immature. Now, though, she was a full fledge adult and capable of completely holding up her own life. She needed to live her own life now.

Eleanor frowned; she obviously was not enjoying the talk. Betty stared at her mother and her mother started back. They were now having a contest of wills. It had happened countless times in the past and Betty had never won once. Betty had always been the one to blink or to look away, but she promised herself that she was not going to do that anymore. They eyed each other intensely for what seemed like an eternity.

"You could always do better," Eleanor said as she rose from her seat.

She retreated from the living room, brushing by Shego. The pale woman smirked as she turned her attention to her friend. The pair smiled at each other in a way that was rare for them; their expressions just held pure happiness. Betty had finally won.

--------------

Betty and Shego went back to Shego's apartment after making sure that Eleanor and Sheldon got out of the house. They were going to pick up Betty's dog and her belongings. The trip was quick and Betty did not want to stick around, which Shego could understand. Her friend wanted to get back to her home and back to her natural life. Hell, Shego was ready to get back to her routine with her monster, who was asleep on the sofa. So, it was all right that the one-eyed woman was just looking to get out as quickly as she could.

"Thanks for this," Betty said to Shego. She was standing at the door, ready to leave and go back to her home.

"It wasn't a big deal," the green-skinned woman replied dismissively with a shrug.

The onyx-eyed woman nodded, not in agreement, but just for lack of a better thing to do. She knew that her friend was both lying and telling the truth. It was not a big deal because they always helped each other out when they were in serious need, which was why Shego had a job and why Betty was not in a horrible marriage anymore. They were there for each other through thick and thin, no matter what, all of the time and that was why it was not a big deal. But, it was a big deal because she had entered Shego's universe and had thrown things out of order. But, it was all right and they both knew that.

"Here, this is for Princess," Betty said as she handed Shego a gift-wrapped box.

"You didn't have to get the brat something," the younger woman replied.

"Yeah, I did. I'm always so pissy toward her, but she's a halfway good kid," the onyx-eyed female commented. Spending two weeks with Kim had not really changed her opinion of the kid, but she had come to better understand why the brat was around. She had always known that Kim made her friend happy, but seeing her do it was something different. So, sure the brat was a brat, but she was a good kid and Betty would like to make the kid understand that she was not how she was to Kim because she did not like her. She really did not dislike the girl.

"All right." Shego shrugged.

"I hope she likes it."

"I'll make her like it if she doesn't, but if it's anything with sugar in it, she'll flip. Now, you might as well get going. Go clean your house and then call Dahntay up. Tell him to take you out on the town and then screw you silly to get the stress out of your system," the pale woman remarked.

Betty laughed a bit. "I might actually do that. Seeing Steve again just makes me appreciate Dahntay all the more. You know, you should have dinner with us sometime," she suggested.

"Pumpkin would have to come too," Shego replied with a shrug. She felt that it was necessary for her to include Kim in her life and so, if she got invited anywhere, she would take Kim now.

"You make her behave and it'll be all right."

"Then give me a call when you want it to happen. Take care," the green-skinned woman said and her friend nodded. They bid each other farewell and Shego shut the door as Betty walked off.

--------------

Kim yawned as she woke up. She found her master petting her as she usually did. The redhead snuggled into Shego's abdomen and then she remembered that Betty was probably around. She doubted that Betty or Shego cared if she buried her face in Shego's stomach, but Kim did consider it rude to do such a thing with company around. Kim opened her eyes and looked up to see her mistress.

"Welcome back to the land of the living," the pale woman commented.

"Hey," the slim adventurer yawned again and then she noticed how quiet it was around the apartment. "Did Leo go for a walk?" she asked curiously. Usually, he could be heard scurrying around the apartment with a ball or some other toy while Betty worked on a meal or something like that.

"He went home with Bets," the older woman answered.

"They left?" the redhead asked.

"Yup."

"I'm going to miss Leo."

"You can go over to the house and see the mutt every day," Shego pointed out. The kid did walk the dog every now and then for Betty. She was acting like she was never going to see that giant canine again.

Kim nodded because that was true. "But, when he was here it was like he was my dog again," she said with a small smile.

Shego smiled too and shook her head. "You don't need anymore pets with the way you act with that mutt. Here, Bets left this for you," the moss-hued woman reported and she delivered the box into the hands of her pet.

"Oh, a present!" Kim grinned and her master expected her to just tear into the paper to get to the gift, but the redhead did not do that.

The olive-eyed scientist carefully peeled away the wrapping paper away and revealed a white box. She opened the package and saw there was a message taped to the top of the container. It read "thanks for being a brat." Kim laughed and then looked at her gift, a box full of homemade chocolate chip cookies. Betty was now her hero.

"Wow, you don't even bake me cookies!" Kim said to Shego while pointing at her mistress.

"And what's that supposed to mean?" Shego demanded to know as if she was insulted. She was a bit offended because of the smile that her pet had on her face. She should be the only one that could make her little imp look like that.

"Do you think she would mind another pet?" Kim mused aloud. She was joking, of course. She thought that it was a bit amusing that her mistress was upset just because she was happy that another woman made her cookies.

"Oh, you'd leave me for someone that bakes cookies?" the pale woman inquired with pretend anger.

"Well…if they're good cookies," the redhead joked.

"You're asking for it, you know that? You think she would want a little punk like you for a pet? Especially a naughty little punk like you?" Shego teased and she began tickling her rascal.

"No! You're going to make me spill the cookies!" Kim cried as she tried to wiggle away. For a moment, while she still had control over herself, she put the snacks down to avoid dropping them. It was about time for them to get back to their regular lives.

--------------

Next time: declarations of love?


	45. Gag Forty Five: That was then

I don't own these characters and I don't own this premise. I also don't own NASCAR.

Gag Forty-five: That was then

_You ever get some used to something being there that you don't even realize it's there? You know, it just does its thing and that's it, so you don't even know its there anymore after a while? I guess that's what is meant when you take something for granted. I never really had something to take for granted, not a lot of constants in my life and the ones that were there were annoying. Weird having something like that now. How do you stop taking it for granted? _

Shego was about ready to kick her car. She just wanted to beat the stupid thing silly, but with it being a mechanical device that was a little difficult. Why was it that every car that she ever brought turned into a piece of junk, she screamed in her head because of the frustration that she was currently experiencing.

She stormed off while throwing her hands up as if she was done with automobile, only to come back and make a fist at the damned car. It seemed like she was going to strike the vehicle, but then she changed her mind and walked away again. And then she charged back to the object of her fury and drop-kicked the hood of the car, denting it soundly.

"Damn you! Start, you piece of shit!" Shego huffed.

Now, of course, the green-skinned woman knew that her car was not going to magically start, especially since all she was doing was kicking it, but she had already been fooling around with the stupid car all morning. The automobile had been having problems for the past few days, but she had not thought anything of them. It got her to work and that was the main thing. That particular morning though, it decided that it would not even start to perform the tiny task of getting her to her job. She had not even called into work yet because she was certain that it would start or she would waste rest of the morning beating the useless hunk of metal until it was unrecognizable as a car.

"I'm going to melt you," Shego growled as she ignited her hands and seriously considered just destroying her vehicle. It seemed that she thought threatening the inanimate object might work. Her cell phone ran and that distracted her from going to town on her car. "What?" she snarled to answer the phone.

"From the sound of your voice, I'm guessing you're not coming in today," Doctor Director commented. Or so she hoped anyway because no one wanted to deal with an infuriated Shego and she definitely sounded that way.

"Not with this stupid car!" the pale woman replied while kicking her car yet again.

"You're too hard on your cars," the chief stated. It had always been that way. Ever since Shego was sixteen, she could not keep a car for more than two years and two years was pushing it.

"Fuck this dumb-ass car," the younger female huffed.

"All right. You go ahead and go nuts on your car," Betty replied and they disconnected the call.

Shego snorted like an angry bull and leaped into the air, dropping a furious elbow on her damnable car. Kim trotted outside from the condo complex. The redhead was ready to go about her day as usual when she caught sight of her mistress across the street beating up on the automobile. She ran over to get a better look at what was going on. Shego did not notice her approaching munchkin.

"Um…Shego," Kim said.

"What?" the emerald-eyed female huffed as she kicked the car yet again. Damn it, she wished the thing had feelings, so it would at least be in a lot of pain. It would make her feel better.

"How come you're beating up the car?" the redhead asked curiously. She could not think of any reason why her mistress would be trying to kill the vehicle. She thought that it was a pretty good car. It got them to where they needed to be and it got them home. She doubted that a person could ask much more from a car.

"Because it's an irritating piece of shit," the moss-hued officer grunted while placing another swift kick to her car.

"You want me to look at it?" Kim offered, which got her master's attention.

"You can fix the car?" Shego asked incredulously. If that was the case, her pet was way more useful than she ever gave the girl credit for.

"Well, at least enough for you to get the car to Ed," the younger female replied.

"Ed? I'm not going to see that lunatic again," the pale woman declared forcefully.

"Well, maybe Felix can fix it then, but he's at work today," Kim mused aloud. "Oh, I know, I can call Felix and if he's not doing anything, we can both look at the car, even though I don't have much experience—"

Shego interjected because she could tell that her pet was just going to start rambling. "Stop it, you're getting ahead of yourself, as usual, Princess," she pointed out.

"Well, then, you should just let Ed fix it," the slim scientist commented.

Shego frowned while Kim told her to pop the hood to the car. The green-skinned woman did as her pet requested and the slim scholar began looking things over in the car. Shego continued to scowl while her monster started working with things.

The pale officer really did not want to see Ed again, but she did want her car to work again. She was not looking forward to have to take the train to work ever again because it was like the absolute worst experience each and every time that she got on the train. She guessed that she was going to have to suffer through that blonde ape again.

"Well, I've done all I can do," Kim remarked with a smile as she stood up. "Try it," she told her master.

Shego moved to comply. She put the key in the ignition and the car finally started. She sighed in relief, even though it did not do her much good now.

"You're a lifesaver, Pumpkin," Shego commented.

"This is only a quick fix, though. You really should take this to Ed and let him check it out for you," the redhead replied.

"I hate him," the elder female sighed.

"We all do, believe it or not. I'll call him and tell him you're coming," Kim said.

The trim hero could understand her mistress' feelings about Ed. Everyone pretty much did hate the guy because of his behavior. He acted like a total fool in front of almost everyone all the time, as if he wanted to piss people off. She was not too thrilled about telling her mistress to go to the guy for the simple fact that she knew Ed was attracted to her master. It did not help that she also knew Ed enjoyed it when people were antagonistic toward him and Shego was quick to anger, which more than likely made him extra-attracted to Shego.

But, she knew that her mistress would not do anything with him, so she hardly thought about it. She just loathed the idea of her beloved master being subjected to that crude monkey for more than five minutes. It had to count as a high level of torture to be in the same place with the blonde mechanic for more than five minutes. The rack had nothing on Ed.

"Fine. Get in, I'll give you a ride since going to work for me is pointless now," the pale woman said as she glanced at her watch to see it was almost noon.

"Spanking!" Kim grinned and readily accepted that offer by hopping into the passenger side of the car.

The petite adventurer called up Ed while her mistress' peeled off. Kim understood why her master's car was always near death. Shego drove like a freaking maniac. The redhead wondered if her owner had dreams of being in NASCAR before becoming a cop with the way she ripped through the streets.

--------------

Shego stood outside of Ed's garage/junkyard. She looked around with a frown glued on her face and contempt in her eyes. He was the second to last person that she ever wanted to see again. His cousin was, of course, at the top of her list.

"Green babe, whoa, still good looking, seriously," Ed declared as he walked out to meet Shego. He might as well have whistled at her with the way that he was looking at her.

"Still as brain dead as ever, huh, Ed?" Shego remarked with a tired smirk and she shook her head slightly. She really did not want to be around him, she sighed mentally.

"Whoa, babe, if you weren't my cuz's gal," the blonde mechanic stopped himself and just breathed out hard. He was practically humping her with his eyes and making her wish that she could just claw his eyes out of his skull to get him to stop.

"I'm not your cuz's anything and you still won't do anything to me. And stop looking at me like that," Shego replied. God, she felt like she needed a long shower just because of the way that he was eyeing her.

"Not my cousin's…Wait, you're on the market then, seriously?" he inquired with a lecherous smirk on his face. He ran a hand over his head to smooth out his mullet and make himself more presentable in his mind.

"No, I'm not on the market, you ass. Can you just fix the fucking car and stop showing me that evolution might be a bit more accurate than many people give it credit for?" the moss-hued officer commented. Ed was a missing link if never there was one in her opinion.

"Oh, I love it when you're all clever and whatnot, seriously," the blonde declared with what he wanted to be a smooth smile.

The pale woman's frown deepened into a scowl. She should have just let her pet and that brown-haired kid look at her car, even though neither of them were mechanics. They were close enough as far as she was considered. She just could not put up with Ed and his idiocies. She wanted to pummel him already and they had been around each other for about a minute, but the problem was that she knew he liked that. He probably acted the way that he did because he wanted her to hit him, so the best that she could do was ignore him.

She went and took a seat inside his garage and read a magazine that she had in her car while he looked over her shitty machine. She hoped that he could fix the car quickly without talking too much. Well, one out of the two was not be bad.

"So, babe, what's with you and Drew not being together anymore?" Ed inquired while grabbing his tools to get to work. He did not bother to point out that it looked like Shego had had an accident in her car at a demolition derby because, to him, the car was secondary to her availability.

"We're not, simple as that," Shego replied in a gruff tone. She did not want to think about that cerulean idiot anymore, so she hoped that Ed let it go or she was going to forget that she was trying to ignore him.

"Well, since you're not going with Drew anymore—"

"Ed, I'm not for breathing the same air as you, so don't even suggest whatever unwholesome thing you're about to suggest," the emerald-eyed officer informed him.

"C'mon, babe, we could have some wild, freaky, monster, sweaty—" he would have continued, but she cut him off because she did not want to hear the end of that statement, even though she suspected that it would have taken him a while to get to the end.

"Just stop right there," Shego interjected once again.

Sex with Ed? Shego was ready to throw up in her mouth just from the thought of it. She was already disgusted with herself because she used to have sex with Drakken, if she could even call it that considering how long it lasted and how often he did not seem to know what to do. The Lipsky family just seemed like a crime against nature and she was upset for even knowing them. As she thought about it, she was upset with herself falling for Drakken in whatever way that she had. Part of her considered that if she had met Ed about five or six years ago, or even earlier, she might have actually screwed him.

Before for her pet, Shego would take on damn near any guy that showed an interest in her. It was a habit that she had evolved from when she was younger. She and Betty had two things working against them for a long time when it came to attracting the opposite sex and they had gone in opposite directions with their complexes. Their shared problem was the desire to always be in charge, which alienated them from a lot of people, not just the opposite sex. And then they both had an individual problem.

Betty had been missing her eye since she was twelve years old and because of that, she never attracted much attention from boys and those that did approach her were ignored because she was suspicious of them. Betty never trusted a male that tried to talk to her because she had already learned that most boys were not looking for a cyclops girlfriend. So, she always assumed that they were looking to use her or make fun of her in some way and she was not about to allow that to happen.

Shego had had green skin since she was thirteen and she noticed that boys were not too keen on that. Instead of being suspicious when a boy came over to her, she relished in the attention because it was so infrequent. She used to jump any guy willing to give her a go; she lost her virginity at fourteen because of that. She just loved the attention because it was so rare while Betty shunned any attention that came her way. Both decisions seemed to screw them over in the long run, but their luck seemed to be changing for the better recently.

"So, babe—" Ed started up again, much to his customer's dismay.

"What would I have to do to get you to just shut the hell up?" Shego demanded to know. She supposed that if things came to it, she could just slice his tongue out. Her plasma would seal the wound before he had the chance to bleed to death and she could get some peace and quiet. But, then again, he might even like that.

"Do you really wanna know that? I mean, seriously, because it would fun," he commented with a lewd smirk.

Shego sighed and just turned her attention back to the magazine in her hands. She just needed to ignore him, she reminded herself. She hated that she now had the idea in her head that just five years ago she probably actually would have fulfilled every little kinky dream that the blonde mechanic had.

She really had no standards back then. Did attention really mean that much to her back then? Did having a guy find her worthy enough to eat a pillow mean so much to her back then? It seemed so. She had to have been an idiot back then. A pathetic idiot. She could not believe that she had changed so much in such a short period of time and it was all thanks to her little monster.

Before Kim, all she wanted was a guy that made her feel less like a freak in some way. Someone who could look beyond the green skin and she did not care what she had to do to have someone like that. She just wanted to feel desired, even if it was only for a little while and even if it was only for her body.

"So, babe, you ever done with another babe?" Ed inquired. "Because that shit is hot."

"Could you just fix the fucking car because that shit is your job?" Shego countered.

"What about third hole? Do you do that?" he asked curiously while daring to look at her with an arched sun-colored eyebrow, as if he truly expected her to answer that question.

"No, do you?" she retorted with a heated snort. How dare that fucking perv ask her such a disgusting fucking question!

It was right then and there she decided that she was never going back to Ed's garage again. There had to be thousands of mechanics in the city and even if they were not as good as him, she was going to go try them when it came to her car. She just could not take dealing with such a filthy idiot, especially when she could not hit him because he took that as a sign of affection.

To think, she actually would have slept with _that_ in the past. She was ashamed of herself as she thought on it. She had thought so low of herself that she would take the attention of a moron. At least she was not like that anymore. She did not have to be that way anymore.

--------------

Shego sighed as she entered her home. It felt so good to be home and away from Ed. He was just about the worst pervert that she had ever met and the sad part was that he won that title without having to touch her. It was just the things that he said, the questions he asked, the look that he eyed her with, and the way that he let her know what he was thinking about in regards to doing stuff to her. It really bothered her, especially since she realized that if he had met her sooner, he might have had a good chance of doing all of those things.

"Welcome home!" Kim greeted her mistress with her usual overzealous hug.

Shego accepted the embrace without seeming annoyed in the slightest and she returned it with a hug of her own. She held Kim close to her and buried her head in Kim's soft mane. The younger woman was not sure what she had done to get such a passionate hug, but she was not about to question it.

The pale woman felt like she was going to cry as she held onto her pet. The small creature in her arms, an odd, irksome, troublemaking, head-in-the-clouds brat loved her like no one else ever had and she realized that thanks to spending the day with Ed and recalling her past "romantic" encounters. Maybe the day was not totally wasted then.

No one cared about her like Kim did, Shego realized. No one put her first like Kim did. No one treated her as if the sun could not set without her say so. No one had ever made her as happy as Kim did, no one even came close. No one had even tried to make her happy before Kim. No one…Shego could not even finish the thought. She broke down and began sobbing right on her little pet.

"Shego?" Kim said in a confused tone. She could not recall seeing her mistress weep like she was doing right now. Sure, she had seen the woman cry a couple of tears over really sad movies or something like that, but nothing like what was happening now.

The emerald-eyed female did not say anything at the moment. She was too choked up to speak. She was so thankful for the little redhead. She had value to someone beyond her face and figure, not to mention the reputation that she had built up in the past. She had worth to someone who was good-natured, kindhearted, so sweet, and just made her feel so special.

"Shego," Kim groaned that time because the hug was now getting close to the crushing point. She guessed that her mistress was forgetting that she was stronger than the average human, even if she was not the one that got super-strength from that comet.

The raven-haired officer continued to hold onto her munchkin and cry. She was so thankful for Kim. The little redhead really was a lifesaver, her lifesaver. Kim made her want to be better for both of their sakes.

Kim managed to escape the embrace and catch her breath while Shego stared at her. The pale woman began to wipe away her tears and dry her eyes. She could not believe that she had been so overcome with emotions that she actually cried, but at least she had done it in front of Kim. It was safe to cry in front of a pet.

"Shego, what's wrong? How come you're crying?" Kim asked.

The petite hero usually tried not to jump to conclusions, but she did consider that Shego had more than likely just come from an exhausting day of being around that lecher Ed. Had he managed to upset her mistress? She did not see how he could manage such a thing. At least, she could not see how the caveman-like blonde could make her owner cry. She understood that he could make Shego angry, but make her cry? That seemed impossible to Kim.

"Thank you for staying with me, Kimmie. Thank you for everything…" Shego trailed off as she sniffled and tried her best not to start crying again. She was tearing up, though.

"Shego, we've been through this before—" Kim attempted to point out to help get her master's emotions in order.

"No, we haven't. God, we haven't," Shego said as new tears did begin to fall. "This isn't the same thing. You have no idea how thankful I am to have you around and I doubt you ever will be able to have an idea. You don't know what I used to be like without you. I mean, I was so horrible. I felt so worthless. I never thought it was possible for someone, especially someone like you to ever give a damn about me."

"Someone like me?" the redhead echoed in a perplexed voice. One thing that almost always escaped Kim, even though she had the motto that she could do anything, was that there was something extraordinary about her. She knew that she was not normal, but she never really thought that there was something great about her.

"Someone honest, decent, intelligent, and a billion other good qualities. You're such a great person and I never expected someone like you to want to be in my life, to want to stay with me, to want to be with me forever. I never thought… I never thought I would be worthwhile to someone like you…" Shego trailed off, even though there was so much more that she wanted to say. She just could not figure out how to say it in an organized manner.

The moss-hued female's mind was going a mile-a-minute. She had always been so confident about herself in all areas of her life, except that of romance. She had always been quick and ready to settle for just some guy that was still breathing as long as he seemed to want some small part of her. Things like that left her scrapping the bottom of the barrel when it came to partners and she had always thought that higher levels just looked at her as a freak. No man in a suit would want to date a woman with green skin, no man with a good future would want to date her, no one going somewhere in life would want her. It always seemed that way to her.

"Shego, why would you think that? I mean, you're great—" the slender hero tried to say with her usual smile, but she did not get to finish that sentence either.

"Kim, I have to tell you something," Shego said as she began rubbing one of her eyes with the heel of her hand, which was only helping in making it red and not stopping her tears like she was hoping to do.

"It's all right, Shego. It's—"

"I love you," Shego declared.

Kim was so astonished by the statement that if someone were to ask her what her name was at that moment, she would not have been able to remember. It would have seemed like trivial information to her. Who gave a damn what her name was? The important thing was what Shego had just proclaimed.

The slim scientist was struck dumb thanks to those words. Her face showed the shock that she was in. Her eyes seemed to reflect almost no activity going on in her brain, but there were thoughts. Her mistress could not have just proclaimed love for her, right? After all, it was her cranky, antisocial, easily annoyed master. Her owner would never say such a thing, right?

"Shego…" Kim said in a low voice as her brain tried to jumpstart back into gear.

"I love you, even if you only like me," Shego stated. She put that addition because her pet had never come out and said that she loved Shego, only that she liked her. It was not the same thing, but Shego appreciated it nonetheless. She appreciated the hell out of it.

Kim was snapped out of her stupor by the addition to the statement. Only like Shego? Yeah, right, her mind scoffed.

"Of course, I love you!" Kim shouted loud enough for the whole building to hear. "It's been more than a liking for me for a long time now. I've loved you since I first came here to live with you and was only just a pet to you. I love you so much and I want you to always know that. I love you no matter what," Kim declared with fervor to make sure that master believed her.

Shego tried once more to stop her tears, but those words proved too much for her. She began to weep more than before. She was loved by such a great person. Someone that was honest, pure, and good-natured loved her. It was so touching that all she could do was cry.

"Kim…" Shego said.

"Yeah?" the younger female asked.

"Would you really love me no matter what? No matter how many men I've been with? No matter what I've done in the past?"

"No matter what," Kim repeated soundly and she embraced her mistress again, much more civilly than before. She did not care about the past. It was the now and the future that concerned her. The past was dead and gone.

"Thank you so much."

"You know all I ever want is to stay with you forever and I'll love you just as long, always and forever. I'll always be here for you and I'll love you through any and everything," Kim vowed.

Shego returned the embrace as her response and she continued to bawl on Kim. The redhead got choked with emotions and she began crying too. She had to cry, not just because Shego was doing it, but because the older woman had declared love for her. And so, they stood there, weeping and holding each other with loving arms.

--------------

Next time: yeah, there is more story believe it or not. Kim and Shego go have dinner at Betty's house.


	46. Gag Forty Six: Stupid pet tricks

I don't own these characters and I don't own this premise. I also don't own jolly ranchers.

Gag Forty-six: Stupid pet tricks

_Days off are so spanking now and they have been for a while. Cuddling all day and, well, other, deeper stuff. But, even better than that is being included on my master's life. It's like being beyond a pet, even though she still kind of insists that's all I am. It's always baby steps with her._

Shego groaned as the phone rang. She started reaching for the offending object to just shut it up. It was on the nightstand and she was in the bed because she had been sleeping before the stupid thing woke her up. She could not get to the phone unless she moved and she did not want to move because it was too much work and she would wake up Kim. She was rather envious of how knocked out the redhead was with the way she was sleeping through the phone ringing, although the bedroom phone was nowhere near as alarming as the living room phone. The pale woman inched over a little bit and finally grabbed hold of the phone.

"Yo," Shego answered the phone in a groggy and annoyed tone.

"Are you sleeping?" Betty inquired in disbelief. She could tell from her friend's tone that she was more than likely sleeping.

"Yeah."

"It's one in the afternoon," the older woman pointed out.

"I was up till eight," Shego informed her friend.

"Doing what?" Betty inquired incredulously without thinking. It seemed that she had forgotten whom it was that she was speaking to.

"Guess."

"I'd rather not. I'll call back later when you're up."

"Thanks."

The raven-haired woman hung up the phone before Betty could respond to that, but the one-eyed woman did not take offense to that action. Shego settled back into her fluffy pillow and pulled Kim closer to her. The redhead moaned a bit and draped an arm over Shego's abdomen. The green-skinned female rubbed her pet's shoulder and then went back to sleep.

--------------

Shego was taken from her sleep again because she felt movement against her. She glanced down and guessed that Kim was awake for the simple fact she could feel sweet, soft kisses on her ribs; it was not a bad thing to wake up to. She tapped Kim and the redhead turned to look up at her mistress. She smiled impishly at Shego.

"You're unbelievably insatiable," the emerald-eyed female commented. She really could not believe that her monster was still looking to go at it.

"Either you're the most delicious thing ever created or I'm just trying to make up for lost time," Kim replied.

"You're lucky it's my day off," the raven-haired officer stated. The kid kept her up all night and morning and exhausted her with pleasure. It was the best way to be exhausted as far as she was concerned, but she was not about to say that to her little monster.

"Am I?" the redhead asked with a teasing smile on her face. She knew that Shego enjoyed the activity just as much as she did, but the pale woman had to act annoyed because she wanted to be the mature one.

"Yeah, you are. You're also lucky I don't feel like moving."

"Oh! I'm in charge! I'm in charge!" Kim grinned widely.

"For the moment," the older woman replied.

Kim pouted because of the addition, but she was quickly back to grinning because she was going to be in charge of the action. She continued to kiss her master's ribs and Shego reached over to caress Kim's breast. They were already nude because of everything that they had done last night and well into the morning. The super-powered officer blamed it all on Kim's energy. The redheaded scholar seemed to be able to go on forever, especially when it came to physical intimacy.

Shego did not mind Kim's enthusiasm. She did like being wanted so badly, but she had limits, which she never would have known if it was not for her vigorous pet. But, she had recharged her batteries with the six hours of rest in between, so she guessed that she was more than ready to go again.

The redhead moaned because of the attention that Shego was paying her body and then she huffed because she was supposed to be in charge. She moved and latched her mouth to the jade peak of Shego's breast to regain some control over what was going on. The pale woman cried out as Kim played with the gem as if it was an apple jolly rancher. Her pet was very good at that, Shego thought with a clouded mind as Kim's other hand moved to the neglected mound and paid it some attention before she moved her mouth to that hill and her hand continued to stimulate the mass that she had just left.

"Kim," Shego moaned deeply as she held the petite hero's head to her. She began panting as the homage continued.

Kim did not mind almost being smothered because she was used to it by now and hardly even noticed it. She just opened her mouth wider and worked harder while deciding on what she wanted to kiss next. Once her mistress' grip loosened, she decided on going upward because she had not gotten a proper kiss when she woke up. Shego eagerly returned the kiss as soon as Kim started it and then her hand moved to Kim's rump. She began kneading Kim's fleshy behind.

The slender redhead climbed on top of Shego to deepen the kiss and to feel as much flesh on flesh as possible. The emerald-eyed female took that as an opportunity to reach between their bodies and she began to stroke Kim. The younger woman whined in protest and broke the kiss in order to complain.

"I'm in charge," Kim reminded her owner while trying her best to not moan.

"The moment passed," Shego replied as she applied a little more pressure to her touch. The hero made a sound that got stuck in her throat and she dropped her head on her owner's chest.

"I'm in charge," the redheaded scientist hissed.

"Prove it," Shego retorted.

Kim smirked because of the challenge and then ground her hips into Shego's, causing the pale woman to hiss. Their lower lips met in a sensuous kiss. The slender adventurer continued her actions while one of her hands went in search of some skin to occupy. Shego moaned deeply and tossed her head back. She just gave in. Kim was in charge and she always did an excellent job.

--------------

The phone rang and took Shego away for the light sleep that had been induced from over an hour of overriding, mind-numbing bliss. She weakly reached for the contemptible phone; once again, she tried not to move too much because she did not want to wake up Kim. She managed to grab the offending object and answered in her usual, pleasant fashion.

"Yo," she practically grunted.

"Hey," Betty replied.

"You again," the pale woman groaned. Why would Betty not just let her sleep? Did she really need to talk that badly?

"Yeah, me again. What, are you still in bed?" the one-eyed woman inquired.

"Yeah," the super-powered woman confirmed.

"Amazing. Who the hell is screwing you into the ground?"

"You'll never believe it," Shego answered while glancing down at the redhead resting on her chest. She felt that she was lucky that Kim was a featherweight because the kid did enjoy draping herself on her master.

"I'm afraid to find out now," Betty commented. She was actually telling the truth. She never really liked finding out who, as crude as it might sound, Shego spread her legs for.

"I wouldn't tell you over the phone anyway. I'd want to see your reaction to this one in person. So, what's up?" the raven-haired woman inquired.

"Come over for dinner."

"Oh, I get to pass judgment on the boyfriend?" the younger female guessed. She could not think of any other reason for her friend to be inviting her over for dinner.

"Yeah."

"Things must be getting deep then. I'll be there. I'm going to bring Princess," she warned her one-eyed friend.

"I figured you would," Betty replied. Shego had already told her that was going to happen when she first made the suggestion.

"All right. Should I bring anything?"

"Of course not. What the hell is wrong with you?" the older woman replied. As if she would let a guest bring anything to dinner. She was going to take care of everything.

"My brain is fried at the moment," the pale woman answered. She did feel like she was lucky to even know who she was anymore with all of the action that she had been getting for the day.

"Well, crawl out from under or dismount whoever the hell you're with and take a few minutes to let your brain get some oxygen because you're bugging the fuck out."

"Whatever."

Betty hung up the phone at the same time as Shego did. The moss-hued officer glanced at the clock to see what time it was. She groaned, figuring that she had a good two hours to get herself and Kim ready for dinner with Betty and the grand boyfriend. Before she could do anything, she would have to wake Kim up and then they were going to have to make it out of bed. The latter part sounded like a mammoth-sized task with the way her little monster was acting that day.

"Kimmie," Shego said while gently shaking her pet.

"Hmmm…" Kim moaned and just snuggled deeper into the natural cushion that her head was lying on.

"Kimmie," the green-skinned officer said again.

"Hmm?" the redhead replied and it was clear that she was at least half-awake because her mouth was inching to the center of where her head was resting. Shego noticed where her pet was heading and she exhaled slowly to drive down the desire to just let Kim go to town on her breast yet again.

"No, bad Kimmie," the pale woman reprimanded her little monster.

"No?" Kim echoed. Apparently that woke up her. Why no? They had the whole day off and nothing better to do. They had done it before on other days off, so why were they not doing it again?

"No, we've got to get up," Shego informed the younger female.

"Why?" Kim whined. She had been so looking forward to lying in bed all day and just sexing her mistress into a coma.

"We've been invited to dinner and we need to get ready. Come on, get up," the moss-hued woman ordered as she started to sit up. Her pet followed her, mostly to stay pressed against her.

"Hey, I have an idea," the slim adventurer said.

"A bad one, undoubtedly," the older female remarked.

"No, no, no. It's a great idea and I should've thought of it a long time ago. Let's take a shower together," Kim suggested while wrapping her arms around her master. She gave a small squeeze of a hug, as if that would help her owner go along with the idea.

"No, Pumpkin. We've to get out of here in like two hours. We don't have time to fool around anymore."

"But, two hours is plenty of time and I like fooling around!" Kim griped.

"We'll do it when we get back," Shego replied.

"With chocolate syrup?" the redhead added with a hopeful smile.

Shego laughed; leave it to her pet to want to combine her two favorite things, sex and food. "You are a disgusting little thing," she commented.

"You know you want to try it," the petite hero countered with a teasing expression on her face.

The elder female smirked. "Yeah, we'll try whatever you want if we get out of here on time," she promised.

Kim grinned and she began moving to make sure that they got out of the apartment on time. She leaped out of the bed, not caring that she was stark naked. Her master had already seen every inch of her several times over. She went and grabbed some gear before charging to the bathroom. It seemed that she had forgotten about her plan of showering together.

Shego laughed again; at least she knew how to make her munchkin move. She was now anticipating the things that her pet would like to try later on. She enjoyed every time that Kim brought up something new to do because it was always an adventure.

"Are you coming or not?" Kim called. Evidently, she had not forgotten about taking a shower together.

"Hold your horses!" the pale woman replied as she finally got out of bed. Her body was still feeling a bit lethargic, but she was pretty sure that would change once she got to move around a bit.

--------------

Kim threw on an outfit that Shego picked out for her. The officer had picked out the clothing because her munchkin would have gone out in her usual clothing since they were just going to Betty's house. Shego then made sure that Kim's hair was presentable, even though the hero was trying to be difficult because she suddenly wanted to do her own hair. Kim's idea of doing her own hair meant combing, brushing, and into a ponytail. Shego would have breathed fire on her little monster for such shenanigans at the moment.

The dinner was not just any dinner. The pale woman was going to see if Dahntay was the right man for her best friend. She wanted things to go smoothly, so she could make a proper assessment. Sure, she might not have had the best taste in men when it came to choosing them for herself, but she was pretty good at it when Betty found a guy.

The raven-haired female got herself together when she was done with her pet and they started out for Betty's house. Kim played with a lock of her hair that was hanging in her face, which her mistress noticed. Shego wondered if her impish pet was doing that action out of nervousness since she had made the gathering seem like a big deal.

"You okay?" Shego asked her girl.

"Yeah, I just like the little curl," Kim replied while showing her master the curl in her hair.

Shego shook her head and smiled. She really loved that loopy kid and the strange things that seemed to amuse the girl. The redhead just made her smile with almost everything that she did. She was such a great kid.

They arrived at Betty's house in time and were ushered in by the one-eyed woman. Kim whistled loudly for Leonardo, but she was met by two other dogs instead. She yelped as they growled at her and then Leonardo charged by the pair of Lithuanian wolfhounds. The large canine leaped on Kim and knocked her right to the floor because of his size. Betty sighed at the sight as the redheaded girl began petting Leonardo.

"Could they be any more annoying?" Shego wondered aloud, referring to their pets.

"Let's leave her with her peers. It'll be less painful that way," Betty remarked.

"Sounds like a good idea," Shego concurred, even though all of her hard work was more than likely going to be undone by Leonardo.

The friends left Kim with the dogs and went to the living room. On the way, Shego saw that Betty had fixed up her place after it was practically ruined by her mother and brother's visit not too long ago. Shego was not surprised that the house was already fixed because Betty got things done, she always had.

Dahntay "Falsetto" Jones was in the living room, watching a basketball game, but he turned it off when he noticed them. Shego had actually never seen a man turn off a sporting event before just because his woman and her friend entered the room. She was already starting to believe that she was going to have to give the guy a passing grade and he would be the only man that Betty ever dated to get a passing grade if he kept things up.

"Nice to meet you again, Shego," he said in that high-pitch voice that just made her remember being blown up. It took a lot of inner strength for her to not cringe because of the thought.

"Like wise," she replied as she reached over and shook his hand. "So, what do I call you now?" she inquired since he was supposedly on the straight and narrow.

"Dahntay will do. I heard you were bringing someone with you," he commented because he did not see the extra person.

"Yeah, she's on the floor getting attacked by the dogs," the pale woman replied dismissively.

He laughed a little, as if he knew instinctively that it was no big deal. He figured that if it was a big deal, Betty and Shego would be helping instead of standing there with him. He started a conversation with the pale woman about old times surprisingly enough. She had no problem talking about her old vocation and comparing stats with him. They did evaluate each other, having a good time claiming who was the better thief. Betty decided to leave them alone since they seemed to be getting along.

The one-eyed woman did check on Kim to make sure the dogs were not getting rough with her. Kim did seem to be trying to get away from the dogs, not because they were being vicious or anything. She actually wanted to see what Betty's boyfriend was like since she knew what kind of taste the woman had in men.

"You just don't have any brains at all, do you?" Betty asked Kim, who only grinned sheepishly in return.

What a troublesome little creature, Betty thought in regards to the redhead as she went to set the table for dinner. Shego and Dahntay continued their talk. It seemed that he retired from being a thief at the same time that she did; apparently, helium was a life changing element. After that, they switched topics to the irony of their meeting again.

He thought that it was funny that Shego had actually known Betty all of her life. From what he remembered hearing about in rumors on Shego in the underworld, she should not even want to be near a law enforcer and yet, her best friend was one and now she was too. If nothing else was ironic, it was that to him.

"Bets seems to know how to catch me at the low points in my life," the green-skinned officer remarked to explain why she was a law enforcement agent now.

"You're lucky to have someone like her around," Dahntay commented.

"She's lucky to have me," the raven-haired woman stated. Mentally, she conceded that they were just lucky to have each other.

"The hell I am!" Betty objected from the dining room.

"Where would you be without me?" Shego inquired.

"Happy," the one-eyed woman answered.

"And in denial," the pale woman added.

"Shut up and come eat," Betty ordered.

"She certainly acts differently with you around," Dahntay commented, speaking to Shego. He sounded more amused than shocked, which Shego took as a good thing.

"I bring out the worst in her, always have," the emerald-eyed woman declared proudly with a smirk.

"And here it is I thought she was incorruptible. I can't even litter when I'm walking down the street with her," the chic male remarked with an amused smile.

Shego laughed a bit and they went to the table to eat. Kim managed to pull herself away from the dogs to make it to the table too. Shego shook her head when she caught sight of her pet. It really did not pay to fix that kid up, she thought while Kim just grinned sheepishly and then she noticed Dahntay. Oh, great, she looked like a complete idiot in front of someone that she did not know or notice, so now she was really embarrassed. Kim blushed almost a beet red.

"So, this is the person you brought with you, but left to the dogs?" Dahntay inquired, speaking to Shego.

"She likes being a chew toy, don't you, Princess?" Betty teased the redhead.

"I was trying to get away, but nobody helped me," Kim grumbled and she crossed her arms across her chest.

"But, can't you do anything?" Shego now taunted her sulking pet.

"We're just going to pick on me all night now, aren't we?" the youngest female pouted.

"I suppose we could do that after the introductions, so Dahntay doesn't feel left out or rude if he happens to join in," the pale woman remarked.

Kim moped further, sinking into her chair. Shego then decided to see if Dahntay was as cool as he seemed to be. From what she heard about the guy from her obviously smitten friend, he was a good guy and she just wanted to make sure that he was totally comfortable with the weirdness that he would have to put up with in Betty's life.

"Dahntay, this is my pet," Shego informed the male. Kim was utterly shocked to be introduced as a pet. Usually, that was top secret information.

"Your pet?" he echoed in a curious tone.

"Yeah, she's my pet. She's got a cute collar, leash, toys and everything," Shego confirmed.

Dahntay looked as confused as most people did to hear such news. A human pet? The kid did not seem to object to it, so he guessed that it was true. He did not see anything that indicated that she was a pet. There was no aforementioned collar or leash. But, then he guessed that she was a pet like most people would think a human was a pet. He figured that Kim was a submissive sexual partner.

The ladies waited for his reaction to see where he was going to go with the news. Would he call them freaks or perverts like her father, brother, and landlady had done? Would he totally freak out? He was unaware that his whole relationship actually depended on how he acted in the next ten seconds.

"So, what breed are you?" Dahntay asked Kim and that earned him a couple of chuckles, but the redhead was caught off guard.

"Huh?" Kim asked.

"Do you do any tricks?" he inquired as if he was serious.

"Only for her and most of them aren't made for an audience," the redhead remarked with a smile.

Dahntay laughed while Betty glanced at Shego, who waved her off for the moment. The one-eyed woman accepted that, but she was going to want an explanation soon. For the moment, she just assumed that the kid was being her usual perverted self and moved on. She started serving dinner.

"So, how'd you end up being a pet?" Dahntay asked Kim curiously. From her answer, he assumed that she had pretty much confirmed that she was submissive sexual partner for Shego, which he really did not think there was anything wrong with. He thought that it was a little odd that they were so open with it, but that did not really bother him.

"Well, she found me in a box and I was really beaten up. She nursed me back to health and then offered me the job," Kim explained as if it was nothing. She might have gone into a bit more detail if she knew what he thought she meant by "pet," but then again, she probably would not care. The most that she probably would have offered up was that there was nothing submissive about her when in came to carnal pleasure.

"I was trying to get rid of her. The little mooch wouldn't leave after I fed her," Shego grumbled.

"Well, you know what they say about feeding stray cats," Kim joked and grinned.

"Yeah, well, I've learned my lesson. The next kid I find in a box is getting duct taped in there," the pale woman commented.

"Don't think you you're being hard on your little kitten? I bet you think she's adorable when no one's watching," Dahntay teased Shego.

"As if I would think such a lazy brat is adorable," the green-skinned woman humph-ed.

Dahntay chuckled, as if he knew already that Shego was putting on an act. He was a friendly fellow throughout dinner, even with his annoying voice and all. Shego noted that he made her pet laugh a lot, which actually did not bother her for once. He seemed like a very charming guy and was not intimidated by the fact that he was dating an independent, strong woman with a weird best friend who had an even weirder pet. He seemed extremely comfortable around all of them.

The most important thing was that he was being straight up with Betty and Shego could tell that. The way he looked at Betty throughout the night, it seemed that Betty was not the only one who was smitten in their relationship. Sometimes, he would just smile thoughtfully at the one-eyed woman while in a daze.

They watched a movie after dinner and Dahntay curled up on the sofa with Betty while Shego took the loveseat with Kim. The pale woman noted how Dahntay held her friend while they were close and how content they were resting next to each other. She did not pay too much attention to them after she noticed that Kim was discreetly rubbing her head against Shego's arm. It seemed that just sitting on a couch made the redhead want to get petted and Shego obliged. Dahntay noticed the caressing, but did not say anything because no one else seemed to think anything of it. He went back to focusing on the wonderful woman in his grip, although he did consider that maybe he had been wrong about Kim being the type of pet that he guessed. Maybe she was actually a pet.

--------------

"So, what do you think?" Betty asked Shego as she walked the pale woman and her little monster to the door at the end of the night.

"Do you think you could tattoo 'Property of Betty Director' across his forehead?" Shego countered.

"I'll look into it. Call me later," Betty replied.

"Do I really want to tell you that over the phone?" Shego mused aloud because she knew her friend was still curious about Kim's little trick comment.

"I think it's something I'd rather hear over the phone," the older female answered.

Shego shrugged. Maybe it would be better to tell her that over the phone. Yes, she would not be able to see Betty's priceless reaction, but she would be able to hang up if the chocolate-haired female started going off. Yeah, maybe over the phone was the way to go.

The pair went back home, having had an enjoyable evening. Kim was glad to be included, of course, which she said to her mistress and the green-skinned female only smiled at her. She figured that she needed to start including her pet in her life. Of course, she now wanted to be included in Kim's life and she would not mind Kim dragging her places or including her in things, even if Shego still thought of them in terms of master and pet. They arrived home and went right back to what they were doing earlier…with chocolate syrup that time around.

--------------

Next time: you won't believe what follows Kim home.


	47. Gag Forty Seven: And then there were 3

I don't own these characters and I don't own this premise.

Warning: I've done it again. I made up a character.

Gag Forty-seven: And then there were three

_You know, the kid doesn't really surprise me as much as she used to, but still she does some weird things. I guess it's because she has such a big heart, which is one of the things I love about her. But, that big heart does make her do some outrageous things. Well, what are you going to do, right?_

"Kim, have you done your Christmas shopping yet?" Monique asked as the usual crew entered Bueno Nacho. They went straight to a booth and sat down. They had been out shopping for the aforementioned holiday and Monique noticed that the redhead had not bought anything. She guessed that her friend might have gotten it all out of the way since Christmas was close.

"I don't have any money," Kim admitted with a sigh.

"You never have any money," Felix noted. It seemed like every time that they went out, Kim only had enough money to eat and do whatever it was that they went out to do. If they thought of something out of the blue, someone always had to spot the slender hero a few bucks. He thought that was a little odd considering all of the things that Kim had going on in her life. He figured that money should not be a problem for her, but it always seemed to be that.

"It's true," the redhead groaned. She was always broke and most of the time, she did not know where her money went. There were always charities or kids or something that she gave her money to. It never seemed like much at the time, but then as she examined her funds later on, she found out what her generosity added up to little by little.

"How can someone so busy always be so broke?" Felix wondered aloud, which earned him a glare from his girlfriend. He decided to shut up at that point.

"It's all right, Kim," Monique said. She knew where Kim's money went. Her money went to buy kids candy or other treats, to almost any beggar that they might pass on the street, and at Christmas time, to any and every person on the street collecting money for whatever reason. If a person had his hand out, Kim would put money in it without a second thought, even if the person was not looking for a donation.

"Your mistress didn't fork out any dough for Christmas shopping?" Ron asked incredulously. Odd thing, he had to buy Christmas gifts too because even though Yori was a Buddhist, she was very enthused about the holiday and loved to celebrate. At least he liked Christmas too, so it was not a big deal to him. It was just weird considering they were a couple that was not Christian.

"She's trying to give, but I'm trying my best not to take. I feel a little silly buying stuff for Shego with her own money. Kinda takes the whole 'gift' thing out of it. I've got to get some money," Kim groaned again.

"You could sell blood," Felix suggested.

Kim looked like she could go with that idea and they all knew since it also meant that she would be helping people in a way, she might actually do that. Monique and Ron tried to think of something else because the blood idea was not going to get Kim much money and they could picture her just in there, giving all of her blood away. That would not be good business.

"Perhaps you could make a gift," Yori proposed. Her boyfriend and Monique breathed a sigh of relief that she came up with that to save someone from having to follow Kim around to make sure that the hero did not decide to sell her blood and not know when to stop.

"That's brilliant," Kim agreed with that idea. It seemed like something that she could do, after all. Now that the bug had been put in her ear, she was already attempting to think of something that she could make.

"Not to mention cheap," Ron added.

"Are you kidding? With her mechanical skills, it might be cheaper to buy a park fountain for her mistress," Felix commented. People seemed to forget that Kim could build things just as well as her brothers. She just did not do it often.

"That's true, but where would her mistress keep the fountain?" the blonde wondered out loud.

"Her mistress could put it in the lobby and everyone in the building could enjoy her mistress' fountain," Felix remarked.

"You know, you guys like using the word 'mistress' way too much. Anything you care to tell us or should we just assume something?" Monique inquired while motioning between herself and Yori just to shut the guys up. The fellows did look for almost any excuse to talk about Kim's master just so that they could use the phrase "her mistress."

The guys closed their mouths while Kim contemplated what she could make for her owner. They went and ordered food and then went back to their booth. Kim continued to ponder what it was that she could possibly make for her mistress for a good Christmas gift.

She sat and thought about it even after her friends had to go. They had more shopping to do. The redhead sighed; she had saved up so much money for holiday shopping and now it was practically gone. She had gone over her limit when she got gifts for her brothers. She knew what she wanted to get them, but the gift had an accessory and she just felt like she had to get that too. She had actually miscalculated something for once in her life. She wondered how she could come across some quick cash short of selling some part of her body. She wanted to get her master more than one gift, even if the woman still disliked Christmas.

She did consider that idea of selling blood again. She doubted that she would be able to do that. She was not sure if she weighed enough to give blood since she believed that there was a weight requirement. Even if she did sell her blood, she knew that it would not get her enough money to buy anything worthwhile. She did not know what she was going to do.

Kim was distracted from her thoughts by movement out of the corner of her eye. She spotted something, or more specifically someone, watching her from behind the garbage can. It was a very small child. She did not pay the kid any mind at first, thinking that the boy was being weird, like some children had a tendency to be. But, after a few minutes, she noticed the child lick his lips while watching her eat some nachos. She raised an eyebrow and looked around for an adult that might be with the child, but she was the only patron in the fast food restaurant at the moment. She looked over at the workers, but none of them seemed to be concerned if they were missing a child.

Kim decided to try to wave the kid over, but he ducked behind the garbage can as if she was shooting at him. She was confused for a second, but she guessed that he was hungry at the very least because of the way he was eyeing her chips. She held up a nacho, as if offering it to him, but he stayed right where he was. At least he knew not to take things from strangers, she thought. But, if he was hungry and she was not going to hurt him, she figured that he could share her meal.

The slender hero decided to use a different tactic and she left the table, pretending to go use the restroom. She watched him from a corner where the bathroom was tucked away as the little boy dashed over to the table that she had been occupying. He began tearing into her chips. Okay, so he was hungry.

The adventurer exited her hiding place after a while and the boy bolted back to his. She looked at her nachos and saw that he had eaten half of them in about a minute. He was not hungry, he was ravenous, she concluded. Well, she had a few dollars on her, so she went to the register. She checked to make sure that the boy did not belong to someone that worked at the store and found out he did not. So, she purchased a couple of tacos. She took the food to the table and left the meal there since she suspected that the boy would not take them if she offered them to him. She then walked out the door, pretending to leave.

The boy watched her to be certain that she was gone. He then charged over to the "abandoned" food and proceeded to devour it. Kim watched him from outside for a minute or so before going back in. He had already finished one of the tacos by then. She stood behind the boy, cutting off his escape, but he did not notice. The taco seemed to be the most important thing to him at the moment.

"Hey," Kim said and the boy jumped in fright.

He quickly turned around to face her and he looked absolutely terror-stricken, as if he expected her to slaughter him. All of the color drained from his already pale face and he dropped the taco on the floor. He backed up to the table and yelped as he banged his head on the corner of it. He hissed in pain and held the back of his head, rubbing the area that he bumped. He was going to have a knot later on because of that accident.

"It's all right, little guy. I'm not going to hurt you or anything. Where are your parents?" the hero asked curiously and in a gentle tone. She did not want to scare him any further, especially if he was going to bang his head again.

He turned away from her, ignoring her question. She was not pleased with his antisocial behavior and asked him what his name was. He once again did not respond. She inquired if he was lost, but he refused to speak to her. She shrugged it off and purchased him a new taco to replace the one that he dropped. She put the taco on the table and started for the door. If he was going to be difficult, she would find another way to help him. A cop might be nearby or something and she could tell the police officer.

The boy looked at the taco and at Kim's retreating form. He grabbed the taco and then jogged after Kim. She noticed him followed her and he ducked behind a bush when she turned around to face him. She guessed that he did not want her to know that he was trailing behind her. She continued on her way, making sure to go slow enough for the little boy to keep up with her. She figured that he might eventually talk to her if she let him come with her because she truly believed that he was lost. So, maybe he would tell her all the information that she needed to know to reunite him with his family sooner or later. At least she now knew where he was if she did run into a cop and did not have to worry about something happening to him.

The little boy was a redhead; he had short, but wild deep crimson hair. He had slightly pale, cream-colored skin with some dirt smudges on his face. His clothing looked a little damp and dirty, so he might have been out for a while on his own. At least he had on a coat, but she noticed that he did not have any mittens on his hands and it was pretty cold. As soon as she noticed that he did not have anything covering his hands, she removed her own mittens and turned around. He tried to dive behind a pole, but she did not accept his hiding that time. She approached him and he now looked like a deer in headlights.

"Here, take these," Kim gently ordered him, holding the gloves out in front of him. He did not move. She smiled at him, hoping to get him to trust her. "It's all right. Here, take them," she insisted.

The hero took his tiny hand and placed her mittens in his palm. He looked down at them as if he did not know what they were or what to do with them as she started to walk away. He dashed off after her while trying to put her gloves on his freezing hands. Once he got the mittens on, he ran up to walk along side of her. She glanced down at him and smiled at the child. He blinked, as if he did not understand the expression at all. She was not put off by that.

"So, are you going to talk to me yet?" Kim asked and he answered honestly by shaking his head from side to side to decline on that proposal.

She smiled at him again. His pale green eyes showed confusion again. He did not seem to comprehend a smile, she noted because of the way that he kept looking at her when she smiled at him. She decided to just keep on walking. She guessed that he was coming home with her, which she did not see a problem with. Maybe Shego could get him to talk and find out who he was and where his parents were and any other important information.

--------------

"Shego, I'm home," Kim called as she entered the apartment with the boy in her wake. She shut the door once she was certain that he was all the way in.

The pale woman came from in the back and was about to greet her pet with a kiss, but she noticed the boy and that halted all normal activities as far as she was concerned. Kim leaned in for her kiss, which never came and that caused her to pout. Shego asked who the boy was because that was more important to her than anything else at the moment. Last time she checked, she was not running a daycare and she would rather not have a rugrat in her apartment. She did consider that he might be one of Kim's little "students" from the park or something.

"I actually don't know who he is," the olive-eyed scientist admitted while glancing down at her guest.

"You just brought a shrimp home that you don't even know?" Shego asked to be sure. If she did not know her pet so well by now, she probably would have been incredulous or at least surprised. But, it was getting hard for Kim to shock her now. Sure, she could still surprise her mistress, but not enough to get a big reaction anymore.

"Well, he won't tell me who he is. I think he's lost," Kim replied.

Shego sighed; it was just never a dull day with her pet. She turned her attention to the little boy and inspected him. His short red hair was dirty, oily, and begging to be washed, much like his clothes. He was more than likely homeless and not lost from what Shego could see, but she would get the information from him. She was not going to let some brat push her around like her monster seemed to do. He was going to tell her who he was, so she could get him the hell out of her home. She did not need another brat around the house and she damn sure did not want one.

"All right, shrimp-o, what's your name?" Shego inquired and the boy did not reply. She was far from deterred. "Well, since you don't have a name and you followed this one home, I'm guessing you want to stay with her," she reasoned and he nodded to confirm her logic. She loved it when little kids did not see a set up coming. "All right, well, this one here is my pet and if you're going to stay with her, I'm going to treat you just like I treat her. She wouldn't tell me her name either when she came in, so you know what I did? I gave her a new name. I named her Princess. Do you want me to name you Princess too? You could be Princess Junior since you want to follow her around. You like that?" she asked and the child vehemently shook his head to that suggestion. "Or what about Booger? You look like a snot-picker, so I could call you Booger," she proposed and he shook his head again, disliking that nickname almost as much as the first one.

"Shego," Kim said, slightly objecting to the names that her mistress was throwing out. She did not think that her owner should tease the boy either. He was obviously shy and frightened already, so taunting him would not help.

"Well, if you don't want me to call you Booger or Princess Junior, you're going to have to tell me your real name," the pale woman pointed out.

"Todd," he whispered in a very low voice. He sounded much like a young child and he looked that way too. Shego suspected that he was no more than five or six years old, but she would inquire about that later.

"Todd? I can see why you wouldn't want to share that name," the green-skinned female muttered. "Parents sort of gave you the bare minimum with that name. Well, Todd, I'm Shego and that's Princess," she introduced herself and her pet.

"Kim," the hero corrected her master. She did not want the boy to know her as "Princess" or "Pumpkin."

"You'll confuse him with all the names," the moss-hued officer stated. "Look, kid, your name is kind of boring, especially around these parts. Do you like it?" she inquired and he shrugged; he never really thought about it. "Do you want a nickname?" she offered.

"Not Booger or Princess," he muttered while staring at his feet. He seemed to have a fixation with his shoes, but most shy kids seemed to have the same interest.

Shego laughed a bit. She doubted many people would want to be known as "Booger." She also doubted that there was a guy on the planet that would want to be called "Princess Junior." She figured that she would make him feel more comfortable being around them by offering him a friendly nickname and he might offer up more information for them to find out who he belonged to. She had a feeling that he was going to be rather tightlipped about it because he even failed to mention his last name when telling her his name.

She did wonder why he was being so secretive. She knew that most kids that got separated from their parents usually bawled until they were back with their parents. She remembered once when she was younger, she went to the mall with her baby brothers and they had gotten separated from their mother for like ten minutes and the boys acted like they would never see the woman again. They had been about six years old at the time and that had to be about how old Todd was, so why was he not emotional about being separated from his parents? She decided to stop thinking about it since she did not have the answers.

"Okay, what sorts of things do you like?" Shego asked and he shrugged. She could tell she was about to go through something annoying already. If she was not so certain that the boy would just cry, she would yell at him for everything that she wanted to know. She doubted her pet would appreciate that either and she was not looking to put up with her girl whining.

"Do you like rockets?" Kim inquired because her brothers loved rockets. He shook his head "no." Wow, she thought that rockets were something that every boy could appreciate.

"Drawing?" Shego guessed because her little brothers were into drawing. He shook his head again.

"Dinosaurs?" Kim offered and he shook his head.

"Cars?" the pale woman asked.

"Dragons?" the hero threw in and he gave the same response to those.

" Monsters?" Shego was not sure where that one came from, but she knew that boys liked disturbing things.

"Bugs?" Kim added because she also thought that boys were partial to gross or disturbing things. The master and pet were out of guesses because they did not know what else little boys tended to like.

"Kid, you're going to have to give us some help on this one. We're not psychic and we can't read your mind. Do you like anything at all?" Shego inquired with a sigh and he nodded. "All right, now we're getting somewhere. What do you like, kid?" she asked while silently praying he gave an actual answer.

"Saber tooth," he replied, still speaking in a very low, rather shy tone.

"Oh, we could call him Smilodon," Kim proposed since smilodon fatalis was just about the most famous of the saber tooth species.

"Smiley for short because of his cheery disposition," Shego remarked. If nothing else, she loved verbal irony.

"Do you like that?" Kim asked the boy and he nodded in confirmation.

"Do you have a nickname?" he asked the other redhead.

"Yeah, Princess or Pumpkin," she replied while glancing at her mistress.

"What's your real name then?" he asked curiously. He had thought that her real name was "Princess."

"Kim," she informed him.

"And you?" he asked Shego.

"Shego is my nickname. Don't ask what my real name is because if I tell you, I have to kill you," she remarked and he gulped. He moved to hide behind Kim, just in case Shego was serious.

"Shego, you're scaring him," Kim protested and she placed a reassuring hand on Todd's head to let him know that her owner really did not mean him any harm. He did not seem to believe her at the moment because he remained behind her, hoping that she would protect him from the scary green woman.

"Whatever. He needs to loosen up. So, kid, where are your parents?" Shego asked and he shrugged. Fine, he did not know where his parents were, she could believe that because he might be a lost little kid. "How old are you? And think carefully before you answer this one because if you say fifteen or something like that, I'm kicking you out for you to go get a job," she joked.

"Um…" he thought too hard on the answer, but did not seem to notice his mistake. "Ten," he decided to state rather soundly.

"Yeah, so are we. Try again," she replied, knowing that it was not that he did not know his age, but he was trying to pretend that he was older than he was.

"Eight."

"Then you'll be able to tell me what number comes after twenty, right?" she asked.

"Um…" he stopped to ponder that. He tried to go on his fingers, but he was not very successful in that endeavor. He was also very obvious about it, which was only helping to give away his true age.

"Yeah, before you hurt your head and I lose my patience, let's try again. How old are you? I'll tell you right now I've got you pegged at about five or six," she informed him.

"I'm five," he sighed. He guessed that she knew that because she was an adult and adults seemed to know everything.

Kim was stunned to hear that. He was only five and he had been out on his own? His parents were probably freaking out in the worst way about him being gone. She was shocked that he was not bawling his eyes out. He almost did not seem to care that he was not with his family, which seemed a bit odd.

"So, what're your parents' names?" Shego asked Todd and he shrugged.

Oh, that was a very nice lie, she noted. She wondered why he would lie about that, though. He was acting like he did not want to go back to his parents, she thought. She did not see why he was being that way, though since he did not seem very keen on staying with them either. After all, he was scared of her and who would want to stay with someone that he was afraid of?

"You don't know your parents' names?" the pale woman inquired and he shook his head. Apparently, he was sticking to that lie. "What's your phone number?" she asked and he shrugged. "You don't know much, kid. You might work for the mob. Do you live around here?" she asked.

"No," he finally answered, but that was not helping.

"Where do you live?" she asked and he went back to shrugging. "What were you doing around here?" she inquired and he shrugged again.

Shego sighed. She was not getting anywhere with the little boy. It was all right for the moment, she supposed. She could find out what she needed to know later on. She turned her attention to her pet.

"So, what do you want to do?" the pale woman asked.

"Well, we can't just kick him out. He's only five," Kim replied. Her mistress had expected such an answer and was actually in complete agreement with that. Hey, she might be gruff and bothered, but she would never send a small child on his way if he did not have a way to go.

"Fine, if he's going to stay, go give him a bath," Shego ordered.

"But, he doesn't have a change of clothes," the younger female pointed out.

"I'll wash the ones he's wearing. He stinks," Shego stated rather bluntly.

"Shego!" The slender hero could not believe that her mistress would just say that with him standing right there.

"What? He does."

"But, you shouldn't say that with him standing right here. It's not his fault anyway. He's only five. Come on, Smiley. You should take a bath," Kim said.

The small boy did not complain. Kim offered him her hand and he took it after looking up at her to make sure that it was all right. When he saw her bright smile, he knew that everything was going to be all right. She led him to the bathroom and started running some bath water. He really did need the bath, she silently conceded.

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Next time: how do the ladies handle the new addition to the house?


	48. Gag Forty Eight: Sleepover

I don't own these characters. I don't own this premise. I also don't own Green Lantern.

Gag Forty-eight: Sleepover

_The job seemed simple enough when it was given to me. All I had to do was give Todd, our five-year-old guest, a bath. I started running the water and added some bubbles for him. Once all of that was done, I hit a bump in the road. He was going to have to get undressed to take a bath. I don't know the rules of bathing a kid that isn't related to you at all and he just followed you home. I doubt it's cool for me to see the kid naked and I really don't want to anyway. So, now what do I do?_

Shego walked by the bathroom door and there would have been nothing wrong with it if only Kim was not sitting with her back against the wall right outside the door as if she was on guard duty. The pale woman cocked an eyebrow and tried to decide if she should just keep going or if she should actually ask. She was almost certain that she would be much happier in life if she kept walking, but she might want to know what was going on just in case she should be prepared for something.

"Pumpkin, I thought you were giving Smiley a bath," Shego said.

"I am," Kim replied.

"Present tense?" Shego asked with an arched, curious eyebrow and her pet nodded. "So, what you're telling me is that he's in there right now taking a bath?" She pointed to the bathroom with her thumb as she asked that question.

"Yeah," the redhead affirmed.

"So, why are you sitting out here?" the older woman asked curiously.

"Well, I didn't know the whole deal with a kid that I didn't know in a bathtub and everything," Kim vaguely explained, but her mistress understood.

"Yeah, but, Pumpkin, you can't just leave a five-year-old kid in a bathtub with the door shut like that," Shego pointed out. Their little guest could have drowned by now for all they knew since the door was closed, especially considering the fact that the kid did not make any noise at all.

"I thought as much, but I really wasn't too sure since he's not related to me or anything like that."

Shego only shook her head. She supposed it was a valid concern, but at the moment, they really needed to focus on not killing the kid that followed her pet home. She opened the door and saw Todd, also known as Smiley since about twenty minutes ago, just sitting in the tub. He was the scruffy little urchin that had actually followed Kim home; who the hell thought people really did things like that, Shego thought. He looked like he was all right in the bubble bath. He was just sitting there though, like he was contemplating the secrets of the universe.

"Is he playing with the toys I gave him?" Kim asked curiously. She had a few little toys because sometimes her master did buy her goofy things that kept her entertained while she was getting her hair washed. She figured that he could use some toys to have fun while being in the bath.

"No, he's just sitting there. He looks like he's contemplating the meaning of life or something," Shego remarked.

"But, he's five," the olive-eyed girl commented. What five-year-old would be contemplating the meaning of life?

"Yeah, that's what makes it so creepy," the officer commented because it certain was a creepy thing to see.

"Shego."

"Yeah?" the green-skinned woman asked.

"He's going to need pajamas," Kim pointed out. They did not have anything that was fit for a kid to wear for the night, after all.

"Yeah," her owner agreed.

It did seem that Smiley was going to be spending the night with them. They did not know where he was from or where his parents were at the moment. He did not even tell them his last name. He claimed that he did not know his phone number. Shego figured that she would just get his information at work tomorrow, so he was going to be there for the night at least.

"I'll go buy him some stuff. I'll be back in like twenty minutes. Can you handle him for twenty minutes?" Shego inquired. Her pet alone with a child in the apartment…it was a scary thought.

"Sure," Kim confirmed with a grin that made her mistress more suspicious than anything else.

"Don't give me that smile if you're going to say sure," Shego ordered. The last thing that she needed right now was to have to worry about her brat alone with a kid in the apartment and all of the crap that they might get into, but the expression that Kim was wearing right now was just making her wary and reluctant to leave.

"Okay," the redhead continued to grin.

"Don't say okay and keep smiling like that either," the pale woman commanded.

"I can't help it," Kim admitted with a laugh.

"You're so weird," Shego commented with a sigh.

"Yeah."

"All right. I'll be back in twenty minutes," Shego stated again. She hoped that she would be back sooner than that because she really did not know what to expect with Kim alone with a five-year-old. There could be fires, the four horsemen of the Apocalypse, a second flood; just about anything could happen with Kim being alone with a kid.

The pale woman grabbed her keys and dashed out of the house to get their guest some pajamas and maybe some extra clothes because the ones he was wearing when he came in had seen better days before he got lost in them. They were more than likely nice looking clothes once upon a time, but he put holes in the both the pants and shirt. So, maybe if she was in a giving mood, she would buy him an outfit to wear tomorrow instead of throwing him back into the other, ratty clothes.

Kim remained parked outside of the bathroom, but she started to talk to Smiley to make sure he was all right in there. At first, he did not seem to want to talk, but he started opening up after a few minutes. He certainly was a guarded little kid, she thought. She hoped that he would get comfortable with them soon, so they could help him get reunited with his family.

--------------

Shego came back into the apartment grumbling about how the damn line at the store went on forever. She had been out longer than she planned and much longer than she wanted to be. She had a bag in her hand and she entered the apartment to hear the sound of laughter. She tried to brace herself for what she knew was going to be a scene that pissed her off. She walked into the living room and found that she had not braced herself enough. Kim and Todd were in the living room with three different packs of cookies open, half-eaten pie slices around them, and the biggest cups of soda that the house had to offer.

"Princess, what the hell?" Shego demanded to know in a furious tone.

"Shego!" Kim gasped and Todd looked frightened because of Shego's tone.

The terrified boy crawled behind Kim to hide from the obviously outraged female. It would seem that in his mind, Kim could and would protect him from the scary green woman. He was also dressed in a tee-shirt to hold him over until proper attire arrived. The tee-shirt was not doing him any good.

"What the hell is this mess?" the older woman inquired in heated tone.

"Well, he got hungry," Kim replied. "Actually, we both got hungry and I didn't know when you'd be back and there aren't any leftovers in the fridge," she explained.

"So, you had cookies and pie?" Shego asked incredulously and then she looked at her watch. "Dinner is in a fucking hour."

"But, he was hungry now," the olive-eyed hero argued.

"You can't give him this junk when dinner's an hour away. You can't even have this junk when dinner's an hour away."

"I didn't know when you'd be back, though. Your twenty minutes ended over an hour ago," Kim pointed out.

"But, pie and cookies," Shego sighed.

"There was nothing else to eat," Kim replied. Obviously, she was not so stupid as to fill a kid up on sugar if there were other things in the house to eat, but there was nothing aside from what they had and the food that Shego had yet to cook for dinner.

"Fine," the moss-hued officer conceded. She did not feel like arguing the matter, especially since she knew that there was nothing but junk food in the house since she had not done any real shopping in a few days. "Clean up this mess. Smiley, come here," she ordered. Todd shook his head and remained hiding behind Kim.

"Smiley, go ahead. She's not going to hurt you," the slim scientist assured him.

Todd glanced at Kim and then slowly stepped over to her mistress. Shego gently took him by the hand and led him back to the bathroom. She handed him some of the clothes that she purchased for him, which were in a bag.

"Here, put this stuff on," Shego ordered.

"Why?" he asked.

"Because they're better for the house and I'd rather you not walk around in a girl's tee-shirt that falls funny on you. You can do it yourself, right?" she inquired.

Todd shrugged; he seemed to be one word and a shrug when it came to giving out answers. The super-powered woman wondered why that was for a few seconds and then left him in the bathroom to change into the pajamas for a few minutes. After all, how hard could it be for him to get into some clothes? She soon got her answer to that one.

He exited the bathroom and looked like he had gotten into a fight with his clothes. His shirt was both inside out and on backwards. His pants were the same. At least he had the socks on right, she thought.

"Okay, Smiley, now this might be a stupid question, but are your underwear on right?" Shego asked. She had brought him new underwear too to go with the pajamas. She figured that he could use and probably would appreciate some new underwear considering the state that all of his clothes was in when she tossed them in her washing machine.

"Is the guy supposed to be on the front or on the back?" he countered.

"The front."

"Then yeah," he answered.

"Well, at least you made it that far," she muttered. She did not want to think about what might have had to happen if he could not even put the underpants on right. "Let me fix the rest of this for you before you hurt me with this look," she remarked.

Shego first fixed his shirt. It was a green shirt with the Green Lantern symbol on it. She did not know who the Green Lantern was, but the shirt was green and in the boys' section and that was good enough for her.

His pants were black and she corrected those too for him. She figured it was all right for her to fix his pants since he had on underwear, even though she did not know the rules of how to treat a kid that was found on the street and was spending the night any more than her munchkin knew the rules. She then motioned for him to return to the living room now that he was presentable. She followed behind him and noticed Kim had actually began cleaning the place up.

The slim adventurer was cleaning up the mess because she understood that at the moment, she was going to have act beyond her lazy pet status. They had someone in the house that was actually dependent on them and he was important at the moment. So, she was going to act more responsible until things went back to normal.

"Okay, I'm going to make dinner. You two try hard not to make anymore messes," Shego commanded the pair.

"No problem!" Kim saluted and grinned. "We'll just sit here and watch cartoons, right, Smiley?"

Todd nodded to affirm Kim's declaration. Shego eyed them suspiciously, but went into the kitchen to start dinner. She heard laughing coming from the living room, but it did not sound too alarming, so she left them to their own devices. She was glad to know that Todd could laugh because he was a creepy kid for much of the time that he had been with them, although it did sound like her pet was doing most of the laughing. Still, he seemed more comfortable now and that was good. She called them to dinner about half hour later.

Kim and Todd came to the dining room. Kim yanked the little redhead up and put him in a chair before sitting down herself. He did not seem disturbed by the unnecessary assist. Shego served them their meals of chicken, rice, and cabbage. She gave them juice to go with their meals, which caused Kim to whine, even though she had been being so good. The slim hero wanted soda, though.

"You're not having anymore soda," the pale woman stated.

"Why not? It's not nine yet," Kim pointed out. Her sugar intake was usually halted at nine. She was not sure why, but she suspected that it had something to do with her hyperactive nature. She figured that sooner or later her mistress was going to come to the conclusion that sugar had little to nothing to do with how she was.

"Because you already had who knows how much soda while I was out," the older woman answered.

"How do you know I didn't have more than what was in the cup?" the redheaded hero inquired.

"Because I'm the mistress around here," Shego answered to end the argument.

Kim puffed out her cheeks in anger while her master went to get her own food. Todd looked curious about the argument that had just occurred, but he did not make any inquires as to what was going on. He turned his attention to his food when Kim picked up her fork to prepare to eat.

"Dig in, Smiley. It's great," the scholar informed him when she noticed that he was just staring at the meal.

Todd nodded and began eating as Shego returned to the table. The trio ate quietly and civilly. Todd silently conceded that the meal was great. He was really hungry too, but he managed to remain under control and eat like a proper person. He wondered if he would be able to get some more food when he was done if he was still hungry. He hoped so, but that did not come up since he was not so starved when he finished eating.

Shego took a moment to remind her pet that it was grooming day, which Kim liked and she smiled. The moss-hued woman guessed since she was going to be doing her monster's hair and things, she might as well take care of Todd too. He needed his hair tended to in the worse way from what she could tell. She hoped that he did not have lice or something.

When Shego washed Kim's hair, they left Todd sitting on the sofa and watching some cartoon channel. They noted how quiet he was on his own and after a while, Shego had to make sure that he was still out there. He was still sitting on the couch and watching television with a passive, almost blank look in his face. His lime-colored eyes looked almost empty, which was very disturbing to see on a five-year-old. She left him alone until it was his turn to get his hair washed.

Todd did not argue when Shego called him and he trotted over to her to get his hair cleaned while Kim went to go get dressed; as usual, she had had a bath while getting her hair done. The green-skinned woman got a chair for Todd to stand on and she washed his hair in the sink. He still had to stand on his tiptoes while she cleaned his head. He did not complain, though.

They all gathered in the living room once Todd was done and Shego blow-dried Kim's hair while Kim used a towel to dry Todd's hair. The pale woman also handed her pet a pair of scissors to trim Todd's crimson hair. His hair was not long, but it was noticeably uneven.

"Can I trust you to do this without messing up his head?" Shego asked her little monster before Kim got to snipping the boy's hair.

"I can cut hair," Kim replied.

"Are you sure?" the raven-haired officer inquired.

"Just watch me."

Shego rolled her eyes and then focused back on Kim's hair while she trimmed Todd's hair. The child focused on the television and did not notice that he was being groomed. He also did not notice when he was done. The slender scientist had trimmed his hair and brushed it back to make him look less like a wild child and more like a normal kid. Shego still thought that he looked a bit psychotic just blankly watching cartoons the way he was.

"I guess he's not going to get any better," the green-skinned officer remarked when she got a decent look at the boy.

"Shego," Kim actually scolded her owner because the boy was sitting right there. She did not want her mistress to hurt his feelings.

"What? I usually think the same about you," the pale woman commented.

"Really?" Kim asked with a pout. She seemed genuinely hurt, but she was mostly playing around.

"Stop moping. You're fine and he's fine," Shego replied while petting both Kim and then Todd. Todd looked up at Shego, but he did not say anything.

The grooming did continue. Shego still clipped Kim's nails for her. Once Kim was done, Shego clipped Todd's nails for him and, boy, he really needed it. He stared at her while she did his nails for him with glass-like jade eyes. It was like he did not know what she was doing and he wanted to comprehend it. When it was all done, he did not seem any wiser as to what was going on with the two women that he was staying with. They were strange creatures, he thought.

--------------

"Shego, um, what do we do with him?" Kim asked while motioning to a sleeping Todd. The little redheaded boy was sleeping on the floor, curled up in a fetal position, almost like a tiny puppy.

"You can put him on the sofa," Shego suggested when she came out to see what the problem was. She had been in the kitchen taking care of the dishes before coming to see that Todd was knocked out. She was glad that the boy was dozing. There was something about him that was just creepy and it was hard to be creepy when sleeping, which was why she was happy he was out.

"What if he moves around a lot in his sleep?" the olive-eyed scholar inquired. She did not want the child to fall off of the sofa and get injured. Not that it was long way to the floor from the couch, but still, she did not want to risk him getting hurt.

"Fine, leave him there."

"Leave him there?" the younger woman echoed.

"Throw a cover under him and over him and call it a day or you could take time out of your day and bring your mattress down from the loft. I doubt you want the brat up there with all of your stuff. Kids aren't usually nice to paper and crap."

"Okay."

"When you're done with that, make sure the door's locked," Shego informed her pet.

"Make sure the door is locked?" Kim echoed. Her master was saying a bunch of things that were not registering to her brain it seemed.

"Yeah, with him sleeping out here, we should lock the door."

"All right, I figured that we would be able to take somebody if they came in," Kim reasoned.

"Yeah, and usually I'm right there with you, Pumpkin, but to be on the safe side with him out here, lock the door."

The younger woman shrugged; it would be better to err on the side of caution with a kid involved, she supposed. Shego went to the bedroom while Kim carried down the mattress from the loft into the living room. It was not hard to do because it was not filled like a real mattress; she always thought that it was more like a giant pillow. She placed Todd on the mattress and placed her blankets over him. She then made sure the front door locks were on; the three locks were secure. She then trotted into the bedroom and dived right into the bed.

"Everything in place?" Shego asked as her mini-monster crawled over to her and on top her, ignoring the fact that she was trying to read a book.

"Uh-huh," Kim replied while pulling the tome right out of her mistress' hands.

"Could you be a little less obvious about this?" Shego asked to tease her amorous pet, who placed the book on the nightstand.

"Why?" the redhead asked while straddling her owner's waist and she sat down on Shego's legs. She took her master's hands and wrapped them around her own waist.

"You got me there," the older woman conceded with an amused smirk as she began to gently caress her imp's sides on her own.

--------------

Kim exhaled as she exited the bedroom. She was about to go hunt for some whipped cream. Not for that night because Shego was already close to comatose after two hours, but it would come in handy for tomorrow. So, she just wanted to know if they had any whipped cream and to know where it was if they had any. Her hunt was ended before it even got started as she entered the living room and she was frightened, much to her surprise.

The shock to her system was delivered by Todd, who was sitting up in his bed with the covers wrapped completely around his body. He had them over his head too, leaving only his eyes visible. His light jade eyes were just wide and alert, like he was on the lookout in the Revolutionary War. She wondered what was up with him.

Kim hoped to high heavens that Todd had not heard what she and Shego had been up to. She guessed that if he had heard them going at it, the screaming might have scared him. She also guessed that she was going to have to ask.

"Smiley, what are you doing?" the olive-eyed scholar asked in a curious tone as she went over to him.

"Watching out for the boogeyman," he answered in a dead serious tone.

"Boogeyman?" she echoed in a puzzled tone.

"Yeah."

"But, there isn't a boogeyman," she tried to assure the boy. She was glad that he was not up because of what she and Shego had been doing. She did not want to have scarred the kid for life or something.

"Yeah," he insisted that there was a boogeyman.

"So, you're going to sit up all night watching for him?" she asked curiously since he was not believing that there no such thing as the boogeyman.

"Well…I don't want him to get me," he replied. It seemed logical enough to him, as long as he stayed up watching for the monster, it was less likely to get him.

"Well, he can't get in. The doors are locked," the olive-eyed female pointed out with a small smile. She hoped that got him to feel at ease and go back to sleep.

"He can still come in," the boy replied.

Kim scratched her head. "Well, what keeps the boogeyman away?" she asked. She figured that if she could find out what stopped the monster, she could do that and save Todd a night of sitting up in sheer terror.

"Can I sleep with you?" he requested. Usually, he would never think to ask such a thing, but so far Kim seemed very nice and she had protected him from Shego's wrath, in his mind anyway. So, maybe she would protect him from the flesh-eating boogeyman too.

The redheaded female made a face to show her doubt, but she guessed that it should be all right. Shego was probably sleeping by now. She nodded and took him by the hand. He stood up, letting his covers fall to the bed. She led him to the bedroom and cracked the door.

"Um…Shego," Kim called.

"What?" came the groggy answer. She had been very close to being all the way asleep and then her name had to be called.

"You put your clothes back on right?" the scientist asked.

"Why?" Shego inquired because she really wanted to know the reason behind that question.

"Because Todd—"

"Is not sleeping in here," the pale woman interjected. There was no way in hell that she was letting a creepy stranger sleep in her bed.

"But, he's scared of the boogeyman," Kim informed her master, who was irked beyond reason because she just wanted to go to sleep now. God, she had work in the morning for crying out loud, the older woman silently complained.

"Smiley," Shego said.

"Yeah?" the boy replied.

"Do you pee in the bed?" the moss-hued woman demanded to know.

"No," he answered. He was telling the truth, at least. He would never dare pee in his bed and while sleeping over, he would never pee in someone else's bed.

"Princess, just gimme a second," Shego grumbled. If it got them to leave her alone, fine, the scary kid could sleep in the bed. She doubted that the boy was going to do anything anyway. He had been good so far, creepy as hell, but good.

Kim closed the door and allowed her mistress some time to get dressed. Once she got the okay, she entered the room with Todd. Kim put the boy on her side of the bed and left herself in the middle for a couple of reasons. The main reason was that she doubted that Shego wanted Todd next to her with him being stranger and all. The other reason was that she thought that Todd was still a little scared of Shego and he might have trouble sleeping if he was next to her. She was right on both accounts.

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Next time: Kim and Todd start to get along while Shego is hit with some bizarre news.


	49. Gag Forty Nine: People do that?

I don't own these characters and I don't own this premise.

Gag Forty-nine: People do that?

_I don't even know what to think about this one. I mean, a kid follows my brat home and then sleeps in the bed with us because he's scared of the boogeyman or whatever. I mean, that's weird enough. I've learned not to wonder how the hell things can get worse, but I wonder if this can get weirder. And if it can, how could that happen?_

Shego bit her lip in her half-asleep, half-awake haze. For a moment, she rolled her hips into the pleasant feeling that had taken her from her sleep. She enjoyed such a wake up call. And then she recalled something. Something that she figured was pretty important too.

"Pumpkin," the pale woman said in a low voice.

"Hmm?" Kim replied.

"Stop. Smiley's in the bed too," Shego reminded her pet.

"Oh, yeah. Damn it," the redheaded hero replied as she removed her hand from her master's person. She had clearly forgotten all about the kid, even though she had been the one that let him in the bed.

Shego whimpered a bit as the fingers left her, but it was for the best. They turned to look at Todd, who was still soundly sleeping. They sighed in relief; they hated to think of what questions might have come up had he been awake and noticed that they were doing something. Shego eased out of bed and went to make breakfast.

Kim went to the bathroom to brush her teeth. She also grabbed a new toothbrush and opened it for Todd when he woke up. He would need to brush his teeth too, of course. She was willing to bet that his teeth needed it.

"Breakfast," the moss-hued woman called to the pair of redheads.

Kim trotted out with Todd hitching a ride on her back. She placed him down in a chair and then sat down herself. Shego put down a plate with a couple of thick slices of French toast in front of Kim and a slice in front of Todd with scrambled eggs on the side. She then put two glasses of orange juice in front of them before sitting down to have her own breakfast, a hot, buttered bagel. She began reading her newspaper while Todd started smiling out of the blue it seemed.

"It's good, isn't it?" Kim asked the boy, who was starting to make his nickname seem less ironic. She was referring to the food.

"Uh-huh," he replied with a nod. He had never tasted something so delicious. He was so glad that he was staying with them now just because of the food.

"She's the best cook," Kim informed Todd while nodding toward Shego. He nodded in complete and total agreement. He would go so far to say that Shego was the best cook in the whole world.

"You two just make sure you eat all of that," Shego ordered.

"Yes, ma'am," Kim replied and she saluted her master. She took Todd's hand and jokingly made him salute too. He did not seem to mind because it did not interfere with him eating his breakfast.

"Stop goofing around. I do have to trust you here with him all day alone, after all," the green-skinned woman reminded her pet. She would feel better about them being alone if her pet was not, well, so nonchalant and chipper about everything. It just seemed rather immature and usually that would be what she expected from her little monster, but right now, she needed to be able to believe that they would be all right on their own.

"We'll be fine," the hero tried to assure her mistress.

Shego doubted the statement, a lot. It did not help matters that Kim was smiling broadly as she said those words. The older woman shook her head and sighed; she had no choice but to trust that they would be fine on their own. She finished her breakfast and went to get dressed for work.

Once Shego was prepared for work, Kim walked her to the door like always. Todd watched them from the living room entrance. He was curious about his hosts and what they might be doing. He did want to know more about them because at least one of them seemed very nice and the nice one put a lot of faith in the other one, so she could not be as bad as she seemed. Maybe they were both extremely nice, he considered.

"Try not to blow up the apartment," Shego begged her elfish monster.

"It's all right. I'm going to just put up some Christmas decorations and maybe go out with my friends for some frantic shopping," Kim replied.

"Be careful with the kid. We do need to get him back with two arms, two legs, ten fingers, ten toes, and preferably both eyes to someone," the raven-haired woman commented.

"We'll be fine," Kim repeated.

Shego sighed, but she had to take her pet's word on it. Kim gave her master the usual farewell kiss. The pale woman exited the apartment while Kim turned around noticed Todd. She hoped that he was not going to ask about her kissing Shego. It was not a conversation that she was looking to have with a five-year-old, especially one that was not related to her.

"Um…Miss…" Todd started in a shy voice.

"Smiley, it's Kim," she corrected him.

"Okay…so, can we still eat?" he asked curiously. He had left food at the table to go see what Kim and Shego were up to when they went to the door and he hoped that he was going to get to finish it. It had been his experience that once the adults stood up from the table, the meal was over whether he had finished or not.

"Yeah, I just wanted to see Shego off and give her a proper farewell. Come on, let's go finish breakfast and then you can help me put up the Christmas tree," the olive-eyed female suggested with a friendly smile.

"Christmas?" he echoed as if he had never heard the holiday.

"Yeah, and then maybe you can help me pick out a gift for Shego because I am coming up empty on that one," she replied.

"Gift?" Once again he sounded as if it something that he had never heard of. It was like she was speaking a foreign language to him.

"Yeah, and maybe we can find something that you like too," she added and now the boy seemed to be in complete and utter shock.

Something that he liked, he repeated in his mind. Since when did it matter if he liked something or not? Since when did people imply they were going to buy him a gift? They were very strange women, he considered, with the way they were handling him and everything. But, they were strange in a good way, especially Kim.

--------------

Shego was at work on her computer. She was looking through the missing children's files, hoping to spot Todd. It would have been so much easier if she had his last name, she thought. Or if she had had a camera and she had taken his picture and she could have fed that into the database to narrow the search. Dammit, why did she have to be the only person on the fucking planet without a camera at hand?

"What are you doing?" Betty inquired as she walked over. She was curious about what her friend was doing because Shego usually only used her computer to do reports and it was clear that she was not doing a report.

"Princess brought a brat home and I'm looking for who he might be," Shego explained.

"She brought a brat home?" the boss echoed. It seemed that it was never a dull moment with that kid around.

"Yeah."

Betty was not sure if she wanted to know the whole story. After all, the last time that she got a story from Shego about her pet, it involved the pale woman admitting to be having "outrageous and delicious sex" with Kim and those had been her exact words, much to Betty's dismay. The one-eyed woman had been happy that they were talking over the phone and that she had not been drinking anything because she would have spit the drink out all over her living room floor. She had also made some rather offensive faces throughout the conversation and shouted some things that made Dahntay think something was wrong; he had been in the house at the time of the call.

Well, how was she supposed to react to that news? They had long ago established that the brat was just a brat and that Shego was not a lesbian and then she was getting news that Shego was sleeping with the useless twerp. It had hurt her head to say the least for a couple of days. So, she asked herself again, did she really want to know about something that involved that brat?

"Okay, I'm giving in. I just have to know. Explain this one to me," Betty requested. She wanted to know how the hell the brat had the nerve to bring home another brat. The kid was just too much.

"I don't really think I can. You know how Pumpkin does. She just shows up with stuff," Shego sighed.

"This is true, but she just showed up with another brat?"

"That she did."

"A real brat or a brat her age?" Betty inquired. She doubted that Kim would think to bring a brat her age into Shego's apartment and she doubted that Shego would be so calm about it, but she had to be sure.

"A real brat and that's why I'm looking for who he might belong to," the green-skinned officer answered.

"So, what're you going to do? Just sit here and go through all of the missing kid's files?" the chief inquired.

"Well, I've got it narrowed down to his first name being Todd, his hair being red, and his eyes are green. I think he's telling the truth about being five because he couldn't think of a lie fast enough, but I don't know that for sure," the raven-haired woman answered.

"He didn't know his last name?" Betty asked curiously.

"He refused to tell me."

"Why?" the boss inquired. That seemed like rather strange behavior for a child.

Shego shrugged. "Hell if I know."

"So, what're you going to do?"

"Hell if I know."

"Why the hell do you never know anything?"

"Hell if I know."

Betty sighed and shook her head. She should have seen that one coming. She figured that she would leave Shego to do some actual work for once. Finding a missing kid's parents was probably the most important thing that the pale woman might ever do in her life. She hoped that it did not take as long as she assumed it would since Shego was actually searching through every kid the computer came up with red hair and green eyes. She would have included the age, but she thought that he might be lying. Hell, he might be lying about his name being Todd.

--------------

"Smiley, what do you think of jewelry?" Kim asked as she dragged the boy through the mall. Well, it was sort of dragging because he did not seem to want to be there, but he had to be with her and he seemed to accept that. It was not like she could leave him alone in the apartment.

He shrugged, like he did every time that she suggested a gift for her mistress. Most of the things that she suggested, she could not afford at the moment anyway, so she supposed that it was all right that he was not giving up an opinion. She had to dip into her savings for money to get a decent present, but she still did not know what she should get. She looked around and then she looked down at her ward. She noticed Todd's expression; it was one of dull agony.

"You okay, Smiley?" she asked.

The boy nodded, but it was clear that he was lying. He seemed bored with their shopping trip so far. Kim thought that she should try to lift his spirits and so, she took him to a toy store. She looked into her wallet and smiled a bit. She could spare a few dollars.

"Okay, Smiley, pick out a toy," Kim suggested.

"Huh?" Apparently, he was caught by surprise on that.

"You can pick out a toy. Well, as long as it costs less than twenty dollars," she explained. She was not going to be able to buy Shego anything at the rate that she was going. At least she had gotten everyone else in her life some gifts. But, Shego was very important to her and she really wanted to get her mistress a spectacular gift.

Todd smiled, the second time that day. He walked off calmly and methodically searched for a toy. He was a slightly creepy kid, Kim silently noted because of his approach to finding a toy. He was so under control, like a robot almost. She knew that most children would be running through the store, but it did not even seem to cross his mind. Todd knew better than to rip and run through any place.

She watched him scan for a toy while she pondered what to get her master for Christmas. Shego had already told her not to get her anything because she did not celebrate Christmas. Kim was not hearing any of that because she did celebrate Christmas and as far as she was concerned that was what mattered. She needed to think of something to get the point across that her owner was very dear to her.

"Kim, I want this," Todd informed her while running back with a toy saber-tooth cat. He finally seemed like a regular kid for once.

"Smilodon. I should've known. Sure, let's go pay for that and then you'll help me find a gift for Shego, right?" she asked and he nodded vigorously.

Kim smiled a bit and she purchased the toy for Todd. They went back to searching for a gift for Shego, even though Kim now could not afford anything that might be classified as "nice." In the end, all they had to show for their troubles were pizza stains on Todd's coat from lunch and his slightly happier demeanor because of the toy that she had bought him. They eventually returned home and Kim decided to decorate her usual little Christmas tree for the apartment.

"Here, Smiley, want a candy cane?" Kim offered as she pulled out the decorations from the closet.

"Thank you," he muttered as he took the candy from her.

"I bet you can't wait for Christmas. Santa probably always brings you tons of stuff, huh?" Kim asked to make conversation.

"No," he answered plainly while struggling to free his candy from its wrapper prison.

"No? But, you seem like a very good little boy," she commented as she plucked the candy from him and opened it for him.

"Thanks," he said as he put the candy cane in his mouth. "Santa doesn't like me," he told her in a low voice.

"What? But, Santa likes all good little boys and girls," Kim pointed out.

"Not me," he said. "I'm not good."

"Sure he likes you and sure you are. I'll bet he brings you lots of things this year," she said.

"He never does," Todd informed her in a mumble. He decided that he did not care that Santa did not like him and never got him anything for the stupid holiday. He did not like Santa either, so they were even. The whole holiday season was stupid in his opinion.

Kim was stunned to hear such a thing. "You don't get gifts on Christmas?" she asked and he shook his head. "Do you celebrate Christmas?" she inquired just to be sure if she should be shocked or not. He nodded.

The olive-eyed hero was astonished; a boy that never got Christmas gifts when he did celebrate the holiday was almost beyond her comprehension. She wondered why he did not get any gifts. She considered that he might be an orphan, but he never said that his parents were dead. He had merely refused to share their names. But, maybe he was an orphan. She was not sure now.

--------------

"Yes!" Shego cheered loudly and then she recalled where she was. She calmed herself down and just banged her desk lightly with her hand to celebrate.

"You're scaring your coworkers," Betty remarked as she approached Shego's desk to find out what the odd behavior was all about. She was only joking, but she was certain that a few people around the place were a little frightened with the pale woman acting so strangely. They probably figured that she had finally decided on whom it was that she was going to kill first.

"I found the kid. This is him," Shego said as she turned her computer monitor toward the boss for her to see.

"Yeah, he's a happy looking kid," the one-eyed woman commented sarcastically.

Todd's picture was up and it revealed that he had been missing for all of two days, but that was a lot for a five-year-old. His parents were probably going out of their minds, both women thought. In his photo, it looked like he might have been kidnapped to take the picture. He was wearing a little suit, complete with an adorable tie and everything, and it might have been cute if he was smiling or at least did not look like there was a knife being pressed into his back. He looked upset with his little crimson eyebrows furrowed together like an adult and his eyes narrowed as if he was going to punch the camera. Hell, from the look on his face, Betty considered that he might have punched the camera or the person with it after the picture was done.

"Believe me, this picture is accurate with the way he is. Let me give these folks a call and they can pick up their psychotic son," Shego said.

"Don't call him psychotic. He's only five," the boss defended the kid. He was just a kid.

Shego did not respond; she bet that if Betty spent the afternoon with the boy, she would understand that he was more than likely psychotic. She grabbed her work phone and dialed the number left for anyone that might have seen Todd. After a couple of rings, a female picked up the phone. The moss-hued officer asked if she could speak with a Missus Grumbling and the woman confirmed that was who she was.

"Okay, hello, Missus Grumbling. I'm calling about Todd," Shego reported.

"Was he found?" the woman inquired in an odd tone.

Shego could not put her finger on it, but something about the woman's tone bothered her. It sounded concerned, but not concerned enough. She dismissed that as just her suspicious nature because, really, who was she to judge a mother's concern? Besides, people reacted differently to every situation, so just because the woman was not asking a billion questions and not letting Shego get a word in edgewise like Shego thought should be happening did not mean anything, the officer told herself.

"Yeah, he was found. He's alive and well," Shego informed the woman right off the bat because she was pretty sure that any mother whose child was missing and the mother was getting a call that he was found would want to know his living status before anything else. "So, I'm Officer Shego of the Go City police and I have your son," she continued on.

"You have Todd?" the woman inquired.

"Yeah, he's staying at my house, eating my food, watching my TV, things like that. You know how kids are. So, he's there and you can come pick him up anytime now," the pale female commented. She hoped that they came by the time that she went home because she was not looking forward to spending more time with the creepy boy.

"You're a police officer you say?" Missus Grumbling asked.

"That I am."

"Can I get your badge number?"

Shego sighed and looked for her badge because she did not know the numbers off the top of her head. Her badge was sitting in her desk, so she retrieved it to give the woman the information that she requested. She read the numbers off to the woman and then tossed the badge back into her desk drawer. She wondered what the woman was getting at to where she wanted her badge number, but she was not about to find out it seemed.

"All right, then you can hold on to him until the weekend. It would take too long and be too troublesome to come get him now since we're on vacation and out of the country," the woman informed Shego.

"Whoa, what?" the pale officer inquired because she was almost certain that she had misheard what the boy's mother had just said. No mother would actually say what that woman just said, in her opinion anyway.

"See, he was supposed to be staying with his grandmother this week and last, but the poor dear is a little senile and she let him get away from her a couple of days ago. So, you can hold onto him until the weekend," the woman had the nerve to repeat it. Not only that, she had the nerve to sound serious about it. Nonchalant almost.

"Wait, the fuck are you going on about? Christmas is a few days away, don't you want your kid back before then?" Shego asked.

"We'll come get him over the weekend when we get back. Thank you for finding him and holding him." The woman then hung up the phone.

"What the fuck?" Shego said as she stared at the phone in sheer disbelief. What the fuck just happened? It could not have been what it seemed like because that was just impossible, she thought.

"What?" Betty inquired because of the side of the conversation that she heard and the way that her friend was staring at the phone like she wished she could jump through the line and travel to other side to kill the person she had just been speaking with.

"The kid's mother just gave me the brat for the week," the emerald-eyed officer reported in a confused tone. She was incredulous as to what just happened and was having a hard time wrapping her mind around it.

"A stranger gave you, a woman she's never met and doesn't know from Adam, her son for until the weekend?" Betty inquired in sheer disbelief herself. She had never heard of anything like that.

"What the fuck?" was just about all Shego could say because seriously, what the fuck?

"Are you sure she said that?" the brunette chief inquired because she thought that there was a chance that Shego somehow misunderstood the woman.

"She said it would take too long to come and get him and that he was supposed to spend the week here with his grandmother anyway and they're on vacation right now, so they'll come for him on the weekend. Since when do people do that?" Shego inquired.

"I didn't know they did that all. It sounds a bit irresponsible, even if they are on vacation. They don't know you. You could be…well, you," Betty replied. She sure as hell would not leave Shego with a kid for a week. It made her nervous to leave Shego on her own for a week.

"You're going to call child services on them, aren't you?" the raven-haired female inquired because she could just see it in her friend's face.

"Hell, yeah."

"Figured as much. Well, at least I'm starting to see why Smiley's so creepy. He's got shitty parents. Bets, what the hell am I supposed to do with another brat?" the younger woman inquired in a bit of a baffled tone.

"Mostly what you do with your other brat, but—" the boss was cut off.

"Don't even say that," Shego ordered because she could already hear the disgusting joke coming and it was not a good one.

Betty shrugged and conceded. She wondered what her friend was going to do with a five-year-old until the weekend. It was a rather scary thought and she decided to not even think about it.

--------------

"Welcome home!" Kim greeted Shego with a hug as soon as she stepped through the door.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. I need to talk to you," Shego informed her pet.

"Okay, but come look at what Smiley helped me do. Look at all of the decorations," Kim urged her mistress as she pulled the older woman into the apartment and Shego was greeted a second time, by Christmas decorations. It seemed like as long as she had a pet, she was going to be celebrating Christmas, whether she liked it or not.

"So, Smiley, you helped with this?" Shego asked the boy, who was sitting peacefully on the sofa. He nodded to confirm that he had assisted in everything.

"Hey, Smiley, show her your saber-tooth," Kim told the child and he did so. He seemed rather proud to display his toy.

"Where'd you get that, kid?" the pale woman inquired.

"Kim brought it for me," he answered while pointing to other redhead to avoid any and all confusion as to who it was that was so nice to him.

"Isn't that nice of little Kimmie? Speaking of Kimmie, come with me, Pumpkin," Shego said and she pulled her pet away to the dining room to speak in private.

"What's up?" Kim asked.

"I called Smiley's parents and they're not coming for him until the weekend, so he's our till then," the super-powered officer informed her munchkin.

"Spanking. He can celebrate Christmas with us."

"And what's so great about that?" Shego asked curiously.

"Because he said he never gets Christmas gifts. He's never gotten any Christmas gifts before."

"Why am I not surprised?" Shego sighed. His parents were on vacation out of the country during the holiday season and they had left Todd with a senile old woman, who lost him for two days. Christmas gifts were the least of his worries in her opinion. He was lucky to still be alive with what he was working with.

"So, we can give him a great Christmas, right?" Kim asked in a hopeful tone.

"Sure," Shego easily yielded to that one. He was a creepy kid, yes, but it was not his fault it would seem. He obviously got screwed over big time in the parental department. It would not kill her to make his Christmas a good one, even if he was not her kid, she did not like Christmas, and she really did not feel like doing it. It would make her pet happy at least.

--------------

Next time: taking care of Smiley. Can they handle it?


	50. Gag Fifty: Closer and closer

I don't own these characters and I don't own this premise.

Gag Fifty: Closer and closer

_I've been through a lot and seen a lot in my short life, especially after becoming Shego's pet. I mean, I do a lot of weird things in my life, but even I find this really weird. My mistress found Todd's parents and for some crazy reason, they didn't say they were coming to get him as soon as possible. Quite the contrary, they're leaving him here…with us! They don't even know us and, well, what the hell are we supposed to do with a kid? We don't know how to take care of a kid, but I get the feeling we'll do better than them. They didn't even let the kid have a Christmas, so now we're going to make sure he has a slamming week. _

Shego and Kim were now the bemused "parents" of a little creepy, five-year-old boy, at least for the week. His parents were on vacation and not going to come get him until the weekend, which struck the master and pet as odd. After all, who left their child with total strangers for the whole week? And really who came stranger than Kim and Shego?

Todd's mother had believed and trusted Shego when she said that she was a police officer over the phone. Now, she could have been lying, of course. Maybe the woman had asked for her badge number to verify the information, but that did not even matter. Just because she was a police officer did not mean that she was going to take the best care of Todd. She did not know what to do with a five-year-old boy and her pet did not seem to know either. The best that they could do was to not lose the boy like his grandmother had done and started the whole mess.

The first thing that Shego did was lay down some rules for Todd to follow. He seemed to have the average child's attention span of a whole two seconds because as soon as she started to speak, he started to lean to the right to look around her in order to see the cartoon that was on television. Shego quickly turned the television off for his full attention. Todd did turn his head upwards to look at her. He did not look upset or even curious as to why she had clicked off his program like most kids might.

"Okay, Smiley, you're going to here for a few days, so you need to know the rules, okay?" the green-skinned female stated and he nodded to show that he understood. "Rule one, do not follow Princess' example."

"Hey!" Kim whined from the kitchen where she was breaking quite a few rules at that very moment. To her, what she was doing now was neither here nor there. She did not think it was fair that she was being singled out.

"Case in point, she is undoubtedly eating more pie despite the fact that dinner is in an hour and she's also yelling at me. Very bad things," Shego informed Todd, who nodded. She was not sure if he understood or if it was because he just nodded whenever she stopped talking. She suspected that it was more the latter just because he was strange child.

Shego continued to explain the rules to the boy, who never looked away through out the whole speech. He nodded whenever she asked if he understood and she had to take his word on it because that was all she could do. She then turned the television back on for him, rubbed the top of his head, and then went to scold her pet for whatever it was that she was doing in the kitchen, which was eating more pie; she was getting rather predictable it would seem. Kim joined Todd on the sofa to watch cartoons with him after having her head figuratively bitten off.

Shego heard laughing a few minutes later while she was preparing dinner. It seemed that the boy could only laugh at what was happening on television if Kim was there to lead the charge. He was a very strange kid, the apartment owner thought. But, she conceded that it probably was not his fault that he was so weird considering the parents that he was working with.

The trio ate dinner that night without any problems, just like the night before. Todd silently appreciated the meal. It was one of the best things that he had ever tasted. He noticed that he got smaller portions compared to the adults, which was all right by him because it was just enough for him to finish. He was used to getting more food than his stomach could handle in one sitting and sometimes he was forced to finish his meals, especially if they were paid for. Other times, he was forced to leave his meal because he was the only one not finished.

Kim and Todd returned to the sofa when they were done eating while Shego tended to the dishes. Kim tried to volunteer to do the dishes, but her mistress assured her that it was not a big deal. So, the redheaded hero was shooed away and she watched television with their temporary kid.

The pale woman joined the pair in the living room when she finished her chore and she saw how they were laid out on the sofa, leaving no room for her. She considered just going to the bedroom to avoid having to deal with the duo, but she was not going to be pushed around in her own home. She was going to lounge on her couch like she did every night, even if things were not normal that night.

Shego walked off and retrieved a pillow that she usually made her monster sit on when she did the scientist's hair. She put the pillow on the floor right in front of the couch and lifted Todd up from the sofa. He made a noise because of the surprise, but he did not say anything as she put him down on the pillow. She then moved Kim, so she could sit down. She placed Kim's head in her lap as usual and began petting her little monster. Todd glanced up and noticed the content look spreading through Kim's face.

The boy wondered why Kim looked so happy. Was it that nice to have Shego rubbing her head, he pondered. Something like that had never happened to him, so he would not know. He wished that he could feel whatever it was the hero was feeling because of the expression that she was wearing.

Kim noticed that Todd was looking at her and for a moment, she considered that he might think that she was peculiar. But, there was a curious longing in his lime green eyes. It was as if he wanted some kind of attention too. It took an effort for Kim to manage, but she lifted her arm and she began rubbing Todd's head. He turned his attention back to the television while leaning back into the sofa. He seemed to relax for the very first time.

He could also understand why Kim had the expression on her face that she did. It was nice to have his head caressed. It felt delightful. He quietly hoped that it would happen again.

----(Next day)

"Pumpkin, what the hell is Smiley wearing?" Shego inquired as the boy came to the table for breakfast. She could already tell that her pet had allowed the child to dress himself. He had on two shirts, a tee-shirt and a button-down shirt, and they did not match. To make matters worse, the tee-shirt was on inside out and the button-down shirt was buttoned wrong.

"The clothes you bought for him," Kim answered. She was getting dressed in the bathroom. She was planning to take Todd out shopping again for Christmas gifts. She had a feeling that she was going to be dipping into her little bit of savings again.

"I can see that, but they didn't look like that when I got them. Stuff actually matched," the older woman replied. She noted that Todd did not care about how he looked, but then again, he was only five years old. What did he know about fashion, she silently remarked.

"It matches," Kim stated.

"Smiley, did Kimmie let you dress yourself?" Shego asked and the boy nodded, pretty much unwittingly ratting Kim out. "I figured as much. Come on, let me fix you up and then yell at Princess. You can yell at her too for letting you do this to yourself," she remarked.

Todd almost laughed because he knew that it was joke, but he caught himself. The pale woman fixed the boy's outfit. She guessed that she might have to buy him a few more things to tide him over for his stay with them. She was still rather pissed that his parents just decided that they were going to leave him with her and Kim. She was going to blow their phone up like it was the only thing that she knew how to do once she got work, if only to be annoying. Maybe if she called them enough, they would cut their vacation short and pick up their son. Or at least have a relative come pick him up, preferably one that was not his grandmother since she was the one that he had gotten away from in the first place.

She still could not believe that someone would just entrust her son to a stranger like Todd's mother did. She wondered if the boy's father was in agreement with that decision. Maybe she would get him when she started calling once she got to work and he would make a rational decision, like coming to get his son.

"You two, try not to get into too much trouble," Shego implored the pair as she went to the door to leave for work. She was being serious.

"We'll be fine, just like yesterday," Kim assured her master.

"Yesterday wasn't perfect," the moss-hued officer pointed out.

"It was close enough."

Shego yielded to that one. She gave her pet a kiss goodbye and went off to work. She had left her little monster and their gremlin with some money for shopping and for them to get a meal in between. She was not sure how much toys and things cost, but Kim had requested enough to buy about five things, even though she wanted to get him more than that. Shego had told her pet to take it easy because Christmas was still a few days away and the boy was not theirs, so they did not need to spoil him too rotten.

The super-powered female went to work and started calling Todd's parents again. His mother got real bitchy with her about the second time that Shego contacted her that day. She informed the officer that they would get Todd over the weekend and then she had the nerve to hang up the phone on Shego. It was on now.

--------------

"That bitch," Shego muttered as she entered her apartment. She was referring to Todd's mother. The whore, as Shego now thought of her, stopping picking up the phone after Shego had called a third time. She had tried from other lines, but the woman still did not pick up. So now, just thinking about that whore pissed her off to no end.

The father had picked up the phone once. He seemed less concerned than the mother since he knew that Shego was a police officer. Shego had not even thought that was possible for a parent to care less than Todd's mother until his father answered the phone. Were they nuts? The only thing that he said to her was that if she was stern with Todd then he would behave and everything would be fine with the boy. And then she did not hear from the father again.

"Shego!" Kim grinned as she tackled her mistress in a hug.

Todd watched from the hall entrance as Kim planted an enthused kiss on Shego's mouth and then she let the elder female go once Shego grunted in compliant. Shego then went to go change into her house clothes to get more comfortable and relax after the irksome day that she had. She greeted Todd on the way to her room by rubbing his head and calling him "Booger," which made him pout a little. He looked something like Kim when she pouted, which Shego noticed. She wondered if Kim was influencing him so much already.

"What do you two want for dinner?" the green-skinned female asked as she exited the room in her house clothes of a tank-top and sweat shorts.

"Pasta!" Kim cheered.

"Smiley?" Shego asked, ignoring her jovial munchkin. She was trying her best to not do pasta since she was not as into noodles as her elf was.

"Me? I get to choose?" Todd inquired in disbelief. He looked rather amazed by that.

"Yeah," the emerald-eyed woman answered.

"Please say pasta!" Kim begged their tiny guest. She had her hands clasped together and everything.

"Don't let her pressure you. What do you like?" the pale woman asked the child and he shrugged. "Damn it, Smiley, stop doing that. What do you like?" she demanded to know.

Todd seemed to shrink. "I dunno," he muttered.

"Spaghetti," Kim suggested and she gave her master an idea.

"Stop me when I get to something that you like, Smiley," Shego said and she began to run off the names of dishes that she could prepare. He stopped her when she came to beef stew.

"Never had that before," he said. He thought it might be good since everything that Shego made was delicious and he would not mind trying something new while he had the chance and choice.

"So, you want to try some stew?" she asked and he nodded.

Shego took that answer and ran with it. She made the kid some beef stew with white rice and beans and he thoroughly enjoyed it. Kim enjoyed it too, even though she would have enjoyed spaghetti a whole lot more. They all then went to lounge in the living room. Shego sat on the sofa with Kim lying in her lap and Todd parked himself on the pillow on the floor again. Shego caressed Kim's scalp and Kim rubbed Todd's head as they watched some cartoon movie in peace.

----(Next day)

Shego was on her way out of the door for work. She got her usual kiss from Kim, but before she got to out of the door, Todd stopped her. He came from the living room entrance, which was where he had been watching them, and he went to the door. He motioned for Shego to bend down to him, which she did if only because she was curious. He then gave her a little peck of a kiss, which would have been shocking enough, but he had kissed her on the lips.

"Smiley, what was that?" the emerald-eyed officer asked while trying her best to act normal.

"Like Kimmie," he replied while pointing to Kim. He knew that Kim kissed Shego because she liked Shego and she was sad when Shego left. Well, he liked Shego too and he was sad when she left, so he thought that he should kiss her too.

He also noted that Kim seemed to enjoy kissing and from what he learned with having his head rubbed, Kim was a good judge of nice things. So, he decided to see what was with kissing. He thought that it would be all right since they let him experience new things and they did not really get upset with him.

"Come on, kid, we've gone through this. Don't follow Kimmie," Shego said and he blushed for some reason that was beyond her.

"But, I liked it," he admitted with a small smile. He guessed that there was more than one reason that Kim kissed Shego. It was a pleasant feeling just liked it appeared, so he could see why she did it so often.

"Hey, hey, hey, you go get your own Shego. This one's mine," Kim playfully declared as she latched herself onto her mistress.

"Share?" Todd requested because he knew that there was only one Shego in the world, mostly because she was the only person that he had ever seen with green skin.

"You two stop acting so idiotic. Let me go, so I can get to work," Shego ordered while trying to fling Kim off of her.

The olive-eyed hero let go of her master and Shego went off to work. Kim was once again in charge of Todd and they went out again. They did some shopping. Most of the stuff that she bought was for the boy and she had to do it when he was distracted to keep him from seeing what she got. She had to trick him a couple of times to distract him and for a five-year-old, he was not easy to get to look away.

She was surprised that he did not fall for surface to air missiles like her brothers used to when she wanted them to look away; they fell for that all the way until their teens. She did however catch him with a surefire way to make a little boy turn around by saying "Oh, my goodness, is that building on fire?" He turned around faster than she would have if someone shouted that Shego was naked and covered in honey.

While looking for things to buy for Smiley, Kim spotted the area where kids went to go meet Santa Claus. She thought that Todd might enjoy that since it seemed like something all little kids enjoyed, or so the length of the line would imply. She took him to go stand on the line and did not tell him what it was for. She figured that he might like the surprise. When he finally saw who they were waiting in line for, he frowned deeply. He hated that fat man.

"Go ahead, Smiley. It's your turn," Kim said and she gently shoved Todd toward the department store Santa.

Todd looked at Kim as if she was utterly mad, but she continued to urge him to go toward Santa. He gulped as he wanted toward the gift-giving jerk and stared up at him instead of sitting on his lap like the other kids had done. He contemplated kicking the fat man in the shin and just running for never bringing him presents. He was good, so why was he always left out? He was good, Kimmie said so.

"Come on, kid," Santa said as he reached down to pick Todd up and get the whole thing over with.

Todd stepped away. "Don't touch me," he ordered in a voice that was much too serious for a five-year-old.

"Come on," the department store Santa said again and he grabbed the redheaded boy, much to his horror.

"No!" Todd hollered and he fought to get away the supposedly jolly man.

"Kid, what is your deal?" the man asked as he tried to get control of Todd.

"Smiley," Kim said as she came over and tried to calm him down.

"Kimmie!" Todd reached out for the redheaded female. She would save him from Santa, even though she was the one that had given him to the man in the first place. She just did not know that the fat man was evil, he told himself. She would save him now that she knew.

"Smiley, what's wrong?" Kim asked as she rescued the poor boy from Santa.

"Don't let him touch me! He's mean and he doesn't like me!" the boy cried as he latched himself around Kim's torso. She was holding him like a toddler.

"Smiley, it's just Santa. He's not mean and if you tell him what you want for Christmas, he'll bring it," she tried to assure him.

"He never does," the younger redhead muttered.

"Try it."

"No, I don't wanna."

Kim decided to not force him to do anything. She did not want to traumatize him or anything. She apologized to the man playing Santa and carried Todd away. It took a while to calm him down, but she managed it by holding on to him and rubbing his back. Then they went back to shopping.

After shopping, Kim was called by her friends, requesting that she meet them at Mexippon, which was Ron's second favorite restaurant. She guessed that it would be nice for Todd to get a taste of Japanese or Mexican food. She just hoped that Ron did not try to give the kid both at the same time as he tended to eat things. They arrived later than the others because Kim and Todd had to take the bus while the couples had cars.

"Whoa, Kim, is this like your cousin or something?" Ron asked when he noticed Todd. The others looked down at the kid too, just as curious as to whom he was.

"Oh, he's so cute," Monique practically cooed and Yori surprisingly nodded in agreement.

Kim laughed a little and explained that Todd was a boy that she was looking after for a while. She introduced Todd, who requested that they call him "Smiley." He seemed to really like the nickname, especially since Kim and Shego had given it to him. She then introduced him to all of her friends and gave very brief bios on them to make him comfortable with them. They were very warm and friendly toward the child, but he was still a bit shy, curling up as close to Kim as possible when they sat down with the others. He just felt safe next to her.

They ordered their food. Kim had to order ramen; it was a must for her in a Japanese restaurant to order ramen just because of the noodles. She was not hard to please at all, especially when it came to food. She ordered some ramen for Todd too because if he did not eat it, then she would. Little did she know, but Todd was definitely open-minded when it came to food.

"This kid sure is putting the burritos away," Ron noted while staring at Todd in disbelief as the boy gobbled down the mini-burritos that they ordered for the table, although they thought that Ron would eat most of them.

"Is it good for him to be eating that with shark fin soup?" Monique wondered aloud. Todd was also on his second dish of the afternoon because it seemed that the initial ramen had not settled his usually small stomach.

"Why not? He already ate a bunch of rice balls and tacos together," Felix commented.

"And the seafood soup with chili," Yori added with a slightly disgusted face. She thought that her boyfriend was strange when it came to mixing foods, but they were all pretty sure that Todd topped Ron without much of a problem.

"So, he's cool," Ron said because the boy did just seem to be going through the dishes with no problem.

They watched Todd finish off his meal as they were watching a movie. Kim started doing calculations in her head. It seemed to her that after Todd devoured the last of his burritos that was going to be the end of the food because that would be the end of Shego's money. She turned to Todd, who was seriously stuffing a burrito in his mouth. She began pulling out the rest of her cash while Todd managed to fit the whole burrito in his mouth and then he started chewing. Once he swallowed, he suddenly did not look too well. Did he have one burrito too many?

"Smiley, you okay?" Kim asked.

"My tummy…" he groaned.

"Kim, girl, I think he's going to throw up," Monique said and the way Todd lurched forward confirmed that. Luckily, the fall forward was only a prelude to the main event.

The redheaded hero grabbed the child in her keep and rushed off toward the bathroom. She got stuck for a second; should she go in the ladies' room since she was a female or the men's room because Todd was male? She knew that time was of the essence, so she picked one and bolted in. The whole restaurant cringed as they all heard the sound of Todd vomiting, which was followed by Kim groaning in sheer revulsion.

"Did you make it?" Monique asked as Kim returned with Todd some minutes later.

"Cuz it sounded like you didn't make it," Ron commented.

"We made it…to the sink anyway," Kim replied.

"The sink?" Felix asked.

"It was better than him just throwing up on the floor. If I tried to make it into a stall, he would've let go right on the floor. I better get him home. See you guys later," Kim said.

"All right. Take care, little guy," the two couples said.

"And feel better," the two ladies added.

Todd waved goodbye to the couples as Kim carried him out of the restaurant. The friends turned to each other and commented that Kim seemed to take good care of that kid. They then kicked around the idea of Kim having a kid of her own one day. They thought that she would well as a mother, although she would have to stop being a pet first. They then decided the topic was weird and started talking about something completely different.

The redheaded duo returned home and Kim put the presents away in Shego's closet to keep them out of the boy's sight. She then wondered what to do about Todd's stomach because he was still complaining that his tummy hurt. She looked through the medicine cabinet, but there was not anything in there that she felt was safe to give a child. All she could do was rub his belly for him, hoping that it would help him feel better. He claimed that it did, so she continued on.

--------------

Shego came in and she was charged by not one brat, but two. Kim got her mistress around the waist while Todd got her around the leg. Kim went in for her usual kiss and then Todd had the nerve, as Shego looked at it, to request that he get one too. The pale woman was starting to wonder if there was a gas leak in the apartment that she did not know about for the pair to be acting so much alike. She supposed that it was all right as long as they did not both start asking for spaghetti for dinner.

She did lean down and allow Todd to kiss her, but she presented her cheek to him. She was not very comfortable with the boy kissing her on the lips like he had done that morning. He seemed to accept the cheek and planted a little peck on the presented area. They all then went about the evening as usual.

--------------

Next time: the trio play in the snow.


	51. Gag Fifty One: Snow day

I don't own these characters and I don't own this premise.

Gag Fifty-one: Snow day

_Okay, I'll never admit to this out loud, but having this kid around, Smiley I mean, isn't that bad. He's a pretty good kid. He does some weird things, but I think he only does them because he's curious or because he's following Kimmie's lead, which I keep telling him not to do. He's actually cute…if you look at him and squint really hard and ignore the glass-like look in his eyes. I guess he's all right. I guess. _

"Wow, it snowed!" Kim declared with a grin as she stared out of the bedroom window to see all of outside blanketed in pure white. She had gotten out of bed quietly and it would have been appreciated if she remained that way.

"Could you be a little louder?" Shego asked sarcastically as she turned over on to her side, hoping to go back to sleep. She had a feeling that her pet was not going to allow that, though. The girl sounded just a bit too happy for her to allow her mistress more rest.

"Let's go outside," Kim suggested. She was willing to bet that Todd would love to play in the snow for the day.

"Yeah," Todd agreed with a small smile. He was staring Shego in the face since he was still lying in bed too. He was still sharing the bed with them because he was scared of the boogeyman. He had a feeling that a hundred boogeymen would not be able to get him if he was next to Kim and Shego. He liked sharing the bed with them because he felt very safe and something else that he could not explain, but it was a warm feeling that he could not recall experiencing before meeting them.

"Could you two not work my nerves this early on my freaking day off?" Shego requested in an irked tone. That was all her brat needed, a sidekick, she thought sarcastically.

"Come on, Smiley," Kim said and she quickly grabbed the little redheaded boy. He did not object to be snatching up. They could go outside without the crabby officer. They made their way to the bedroom door before Shego halted them right in their tracks.

"Where do you think you're going?" the pale woman inquired while turning her attention to the energetic pair.

"Outside," the slim hero answered. Where else would they be going? There was snow on the ground, so they had to get into that, doy.

"There are several things wrong with that answer. Should we go through them or will you just calm the hell down?" Shego asked.

"But—" the pet attempted to argue.

"Ah," Shego interjected. "What's wrong with that answer?" she inquired since her little monster wanted to be a pest about things.

The younger female sighed. "We didn't eat breakfast yet. We didn't ask your permission. And we're keeping you awake early in the morning on your day off."

"And Smiley doesn't have the proper gear to play in the snow," Shego added.

"No outside?" Todd asked Kim.

"Not yet," the slender scientist answered with a dejected sigh.

Kim hopped back into bed and faced Shego, who was trying her damnedest to go back to sleep since she believed that she cleared up the outside issue. The redheaded hero stared at her master, knowing that the pale woman could feel her eyes on her. Todd crawled back into bed and stared too. Kim began whimpering like a wounded puppy and Todd did the same. The boy also began lightly tapping Shego in the shoulder, which all quickly got to the green-skinned female.

"Damn it," Shego groaned. Was she cursed? All she wanted to do was sleep late on her day off. Was that too much to ask? Apparently so with two brats in the apartment that wanted to go play in the damn snow.

"Can you make breakfast now?" Kim requested.

"Will you two leave me alone?" Shego countered with a huff.

"No," Todd answered honestly. They were not going to leave her alone until they could go outside.

"What he said," the older redhead concurred.

The green-skinned female made an irked noise before flinging the covers away from her as if they were the ones truly bothering her. She marched out of the room while the two redheads smiled widely at each other. They gave each other a high-five before trotting out into the living room to watch some cartoons before breakfast. They could hear Shego grumbling through the whole process of making breakfast.

"Shego," Kim called.

"What?" the raven-haired woman practically roared from the kitchen. She was so pissed with the duo that she wanted to threaten that she was going to poison their meals, but she did not do that. She considered that Todd make take it seriously and then he would not eat and that would only upset her further because she would have gone through the trouble of cooking and also because he was a growing boy that needed to eat breakfast.

"Make pancakes please," the younger woman requested politely. Her mistress' mood did not affect her in the slightest, even though she knew that the older woman was really annoyed. Shego liked sleeping late on their day off after all.

"I'll bean you with a fucking pancake," Shego muttered.

Kim laughed and smiled at Todd, who laughed a little too. The pale apartment owner did make pancakes, cinnamon of course. She served Todd two hotcakes while Kim got her usual six. She made hash browns with the pancakes instead of eggs like she typically would.

"How come Kimmie has more than me?" Todd asked curiously, looking back and forth between his stack and Kim's stack. She practically had a tower in his opinion while he barely had a brick. He knew that he did not eat much most of the time, but since Shego cooked so good, he thought that he would be able to put away more than two pancakes.

"Because she's a pig," Shego answered.

"I only have two and she has…" he paused for a moment to count all of Kim's flapjacks and thanks to Kim, he did not have to use his fingers as he went through the numbers. She had been trying to tutor him in between their shopping and cartoon watching. "She has six," he said in amazement.

"Yeah, you eat those two and I'll give you more if you want. Your little stomach can't hold but so much food," the emerald-eyed officer replied while rubbing his belly and he laughed a little.

When he was done giggling, Todd nodded, showing that he agreed and understood the reasoning as to why he had less food. He remembered throwing up after eating so much at Mexippon, so he figured that Shego knew just what she was talking about. The trio ate breakfast and as it turned out, he could only handle the two pancakes that he had been given. He wondered how Shego knew that he would only be able to eat two and he also wondered why she did not try to make him eat more. He just chalked the latter up to the fact that she was a nice person, even though she yelled a lot.

After breakfast, Kim took Todd to go put on some clothes while Shego did the dishes. Todd guessed that they were actually going to go outside since he was being put in clothes. He wondered if Shego was going to join them since she said that she did not have work that day.

The boy hoped that they were going to play in the snow and not going to do any more shopping. He enjoyed spending time with Kim and everything, but shopping was not only boring, but a tease too. He got to see a bunch of kids with their parents, buying toys and things and he knew that they were going to get a bunch of stuff for Christmas while he was not going to get anything. He hated that Santa got the whole world gifts, but not him, especially since he now knew that he was good because Kimmie told him that he was.

"Let's go to the park," Kim suggested.

"Why?" Shego inquired while making sure to bundle Todd up in an extra jacket underneath his coat. She had not felt cold in a long time, but she recalled when she was little and her mother used to pack her and her brothers in layers, sweaters, jackets, and coats when snow hit the ground. So, she did the same with the boy to be on the safe side. The last thing she wanted to do was deal with a sick brat.

"There should be kids there for Smiley to play with," Kim explained.

The pale woman conceded that point. They could go to the park and let the little gremlin play with some other goblins. It would do him good to interact with other mini-maniacs rather just the average-sized maniac that was Kim. Kim just thought that Todd could use some friends his own age. Everybody needed friends.

They left the apartment and hit the streets. Todd held onto both of their hands as they strolled the short distance to the park. He was surprised, but happy that Shego was coming outside with them and that they did not seem to be going toward the bus because that meant they were not going to the mall. They entered the park and went toward the playground, where they figured the other children would be playing around in the fresh snow. When they got to the playground, Shego watched as Kim took Todd into the mayhem of the other kids.

Now that Shego thought about it, she doubted that Todd was going to take well to the other brats. He was an introverted kid from what she could tell, but she guessed that her monster would be able to get him to mingle. He liked copying Kim, after all. Besides, he seemed to take well to people once he was able to determine that they were not a threat. After all, he had taken to her.

At first, Todd did seem to be a bit uneasy around the few other children that were in the park playing in the snow. Kim urged him to join the kids, but before he got the chance, the kids tackled her. Todd gasped and tried to pull the others off of his Kimmie. Yes, he thought of her as "his Kimmie." Hey, she was just about the nicest person that he had ever met and he was really attached to her now. He was not going to let someone hurt her or take her away from him as it seemed the other kids had just done.

When the lime-eyed boy heard Kim laughing, he figured that it was not as serious as he thought it was. Kim managed to escape on her own and began throwing snowballs at the children coming after her. She noticed Todd just staring, as if he did not know what to do in a snowball fight. She decided to show him as best she could and quickly got him into the snowball fight. At first it was against his will, she had merely grabbed him and used him as a shield a couple of times. He seemed to get the concept of the game and understood that no one was looking to hurt anyone else, which was when he started throwing snowballs of his own.

The lime-eyed boy was so into the fighting that he eventually flung a snowball at Shego. It seemed like the thing to do in his opinion since everyone, including Kim was playing. Shego had been so unprepared for the projectile that the slushball smashed her right in the face and neck. The snowball fight totally ceased on impact and they all started laughing as the snow slid down Shego's face. The pale woman frowned.

"Smiley," Shego growled.

"Run, Smiley! Run!" Kim urged the boy with a grin on her face. She knew that her master was going to try to get back at the boy.

Shego grabbed a hand full of snow and quickly chucked it at Todd; she could not hold on to snow for long, so she had to throw it as fast as she could. Todd yelped and tried to run to avoid the snowball, but he was beamed right in the back of the head. Shego laughed as Todd fell face first in the snow.

The boy picked himself back up and started flinging snow in Shego's direction in a mad fury. She ran behind a tree for protection. Snowballs resumed their flight and it seemed like it was war, especially since Shego was now a target. Kim quickly jumped on the fact that her mistress was involved in the game.

"Don't do it, Princess," the moss-hued woman warned her pet as she noticed Kim stalking toward her with a handful of snow.

"I got to do this," Kim replied. After all, when was there going to be another time when her owner was in a snowball fight?

"Don't. I'll make you sleep on the floor tonight," Shego threatened her girl, but she doubted that would do the trick.

Kim did not seem to care about that and was about to launch her snowball at Shego, but she was hit first. A sphere of snow crashed the hero in the side of the head and she turned to see who sideswiped her. Todd grinned and waved, as if he was not the one that just smashed her in the head with the snow.

"Smiley, you traitor," Kim playfully accused him as she flung the snow that was intended for Shego at the boy.

"Missed me!" Todd called as he ducked the snow and Kim realized that she was now unarmed. She turned back to her master and grinned nervously at her.

"You know I wasn't really going to throw it at you, right?" Kim asked Shego, who had already scooped up some ammunition.

"Too bad because I'm really going to throw it at you," the older woman replied and she flung the snow at her mischievous imp.

Kim did a dive-and-roll behind a trashcan to avoid getting hit the snow. She gathered up some ammo of her own and poked her head out from her hiding spot to see where her mistress was. While she was focusing on locating her master, several children sneaked up on her and just dumped snow on her head.

"Aw, weak!" Kim groaned with a smile as she got caught. She turned her attention to the fleeing children and started throwing snow at them while making sure to keep an eye open for Todd and Shego since they were likely to sneak up on her while she was focusing on the others. The pale woman and their guest did try to sneak up on her, but she caught them that time.

They played around in the snow for a while and then parents began taking their kids away until only Shego and her redheads remained. The pale woman suggested that they return home since everyone else had left, but Kim insisted that they build a snowman and Todd concurred because he had never built a snowman before. Shego was not trying to hear them out, though.

"I'm getting cold, so come on, before you two get sick," Shego objected. She knew that if she was getting cold, then it really was time to go.

"Snowman, snowman, snowman," Kim chanted and Todd joined in.

"Fine, build your damn snowman," Shego sighed. Were all redheads just so annoying? Was the hair color like a sign to warn people? If so, she wished that she had known that earlier.

Shego watched as the pair built their snowman. She did not offer them any help, although she would not have minded joining in. It would have been nice to be silly for a little while longer and help the two with a snowman, but she just could not hold onto snow long enough to be of any assistance.

The snowman's construction was going rather slowly. The super-powered woman could tell that Kim and Todd were getting cold because of the slow pace that they were going at. She tried to tell them that they should just leave, but the redheads were not looking to hear that. They were going to finish their snowman and they did just that.

"That is one good looking snowman," Kim declared and Todd nodded in agreement. He was happy to have helped make something like that. It was fun and he hoped that he would get to do it again.

"Let's go now," Shego ordered.

The redheads nodded and followed Shego as she started back toward the apartment. She glanced at them a few moments during the walk and noticed that they were lagging behind. She also noted that Todd was fiddling with his gloved hands, which were starting to go numb. She sighed and collected him in her arms. She took his gloves off and held his hands in one of her own, warming his little pudgy hands up quickly. He was amazed, not just because she could warm his hands up with her own, but that she would do that. No one had ever taken his hands in their own to make them warm for him.

"Better?" Shego asked and Todd nodded. She then glanced at her pet. "Princess, you all right?" she inquired.

"Fine," Kim lied through chattering teeth. She was freezing, but she was very happy because she could tell that Todd had a good time. She was all about helping him have a good time while she could.

"Come on, let's hurry up and get home," the elder woman said while pulling her pet close to her to share her body heat. She supposed being hotter than the average person in more ways than one had its advantages.

"Can we have hot chocolate when we get home?" Kim requested and Todd seemed to beam brightly at the suggestion. He looked at Shego with hope in his light jade eyes.

"Sure," she sighed. How could she do anything but agree with the way the boy was looking at her?

--------------

Kim and Todd sat in the living room, wrapped in warm blankets with hot chocolate mugs sitting next to them. They also had marshmallows, not just in their drinks, but also a bag of giant marshmallows. Shego knew that they would be bouncing off the walls later on, but they were quiet for the moment and that was all she needed. She was sitting on the sofa, reading a book while they watched cartoons.

When they had come in, Shego practically had ordered them out of their wet, cold clothes. Todd had a hot bath first while Shego cuddled Kim on the couch to try to warm the girl up. When Todd was done, Kim had gone to take a shower. With those things out of the way, they had waited patiently for Shego to bring them their hot chocolate and then everyone relaxed.

When the sugar began to take effect and the redheads were starting to show signs of an abundance of energy, Shego closed her book and disappeared into the back. She went to wrap gifts because she thought that they would be preoccupied with other things and would not notice that she was gone. She was pretty much right.

Kim was trying to show Todd how to put together a puzzle of Central Park. Todd was so wired that he was climbing all over the olive-eyed scholar while she was showing him the puzzle. Kim did not mind that he was using her like a jungle gym and he did not even seem to notice what he was doing.

Shego returned to them almost an hour later to find them wrestling and putting the puzzle together at the same time. She decided against asking what it was all about and she also did not step in. She just let them wild out. With luck, they would wear each other out and it would get them to sleep through the night.

The green-skinned female went to make dinner while leaving the redheads to bug out. She sat them down to eat when the meal was done and then went to look at the living room to assess the damage. She sighed; they were like two green-eyed tornadoes. She started cleaning up the mess while they ate dinner. She then started to hear laughing from the dining room and she knew that was not a good sign. After all, what was funny about lamb, mashed potatoes, and greens?

She went to the source of the jovial noise and found the pair playing with their food. Todd was trying to smear mashed potatoes in Kim's face and she was holding him at bay. He already had mashed potatoes painting both cheeks. Apparently, her monster was worse when partnered with a gremlin, Shego sighed.

"Hey, you two, behave!" the pale woman barked and they jumped in shock because they had not known that she was there.

"Sorry," Kim apologized with a sheepish look in her eyes that Todd matched almost exactly.

"Just eat," the officer ordered.

The duo quietly went back to their meals while Shego went to get something to clean Todd off. The pale woman wiped Todd's face clear of food, finished cleaning up their mess in the living room, ate her own dinner, and collapsed onto the sofa. Two monsters were too much for her, it seemed. She was exhausted. She thought that she might take a short nap, but seconds after she flopped down, Kim lay down on her. The hero rested her head on Shego's breasts, shamelessly snuggling into the cushions. Todd then came into the living room and climbed up on Kim, lying down on her back.

Shego was glad that the two redheads weighed close to nothing as far as she was concerned with the way they had the nerve to be resting on her like she was the couch. She watched in disbelief as the two whirlwinds fell asleep right on her. She frowned; how dare they tear up the whole apartment and then get tired right when she was going to take a nap! The little redheaded boogers, she silently huffed. But, she was thankful that they were not ripping around anymore. She left them where they were until she felt that it was time for them to just go to bed. She busied herself with watching some television until that time came along.

Shego first had to wake Todd up to get him off of Kim's back. At first, she had the plan of getting up and carrying both of them to the bedroom, but she just did not feel up to such a venture at the moment. The boy made a noise to complain about being taken from his sleep, but she ignored that. She woke him up, much to his dismay. He whined a little as his eyes opened halfway.

"Come on, gremlin, stay up for five seconds and just slide to the floor for me," Shego instructed him in a gentle tone.

Todd obeyed and slid off of Kim as if he was a boneless mass. He landed without incident and was probably sleeping before he hit the ground. Shego then woke Kim up and commanded her off, which the hero complied with in a tired haze. Kim did not have to be told to go to bed. She marched off in that direction as soon as she was off of her mistress. The pale woman picked up Todd, who was easily falling back to sleep on the floor, and followed Kim. They all retired to bed and fell asleep without any trouble.

Shego woke up in the middle of the night, not by accident, but by choice. The thing was that tomorrow was Christmas and she had to sneak the gifts under the tree. Hey, she might have been a scrooge, but she was going to try to make the holiday right for Todd and, well, for Kim too. Kim was so excited about the holiday and everything that Shego wanted everything to go right for her. So, she had to go put everything under the tree to make it seem like Santa had come during the night.

She put all of her stealth skills to use to avoid alerting Kim that she was up and about. She had not let her pet know it, but she had gone out and got a few things for her loyal, little monster. She figured that it would be a good way to let her pet know that she still very much appreciated the girl. The gift total in the living room practically buried their little tree.

"Maybe next year we'll have to get a bigger tree," Shego commented to the air, forgetting that the reason that the pile was so huge was because of Todd, who would not even be with them anymore come next week.

It was going to be a special holiday; Shego was willing to bet money on that. She went back to bed when she was done and Kim cuddled up next to her. Todd was out, pressed against Kim's back and drooling on her shoulder. Shego just hoped that it did not snow again because it would be a white enough Christmas without more snow and she did not feel like putting up with those two nuts in the snow again.

--------------

Next time: Christmas time. What gifts will everyone get?


	52. Gag Fifty Two: Smile

I don't own these characters. I don't own this premise. I also don't own A Christmas Story.

Warning: Guest thought.

Gag Fifty-two: Smile

_I think they're just about the best people I've ever met. I like being with them. I wish I could stay with them forever. I hope my parents never come back. I wish they would just let me stay with them always. I'd be very good and never make them angry. I wonder if I told them that if they'd let me stay. _

"Merry Christmas!" Kim cheered as she jumped out of bed, shocking the hell out of the other two people sleeping next to her.

"Wha?" Shego asked in a dazed tone as she shot up from her resting place with her hands balled into fists. One would have thought that her pet just called out that they were being robbed from the way that she sat up.

Kim readily grabbed her disoriented mistress and planted a long, passionate kiss on her lips. Todd, who was awake thanks to all the yelling, promptly leaned over and stole two kisses, one on Shego's cheek and the other on Kim's cheek. It would seem that he learned that they were the only ones that could kiss each other on the mouth. Kim turned her attention to the boy and placed a big kiss on his cheek. Shego sighed as she decided to join in on the love fest and kissed Todd on the end of his button nose. He blushed, even though he liked the attention.

"Let's go see what Santa left!" Kim suggested with a grin and she grabbed Todd.

Shego watched the two redheads charge out of the room. She wanted to correct Kim and tell Todd that Santa was certainly not the one that had come through for him. Her mother used to do that with her and her brothers when their father told them that Santa brought something. Isabel always said "To hell he did. Your momma brought you that stuff." Isabel liked it when credit went where it was due; no way some imaginary fat man was stealing her thunder. Shego could finally totally understand that one.

The pale woman slowly rose out of the bed and went into the living room to see the annoying duo's reaction. They were cheering because of all of the gifts. They grabbed boxes and started shaking them to find out what they would like to open first. And then Kim stopped suddenly.

"We need a camera," the hero realized.

"For what?" Shego asked curiously as she flopped down on the sofa. She did not take pictures of anything. She felt that if she could not remember something then she probably did not want to.

"To take pictures!" Kim answered. Why else would they need a camera?

"Why?"

"Because!"

"Can you just open this shit?"

"No!" Kim replied. "Smiley, don't open anything yet," she commanded the boy, who listened without question.

Shego sighed. "If I go get a camera, will it shut you up and get you to open something?" she inquired through gritted teeth.

"Yes, ma'am," Kim answered.

"Fine. Don't do anything. I'll be back in ten minutes," Shego sighed.

Damn bothersome pet, Shego grumbled in her head. She threw on a jacket and went out to buy a camera, despite the fact that she was in her pajamas, it had snowed yesterday, and it was Christmas. She was going to find a camera or die trying if it would shut her pet up. It was not hard to find some of those disposable cameras down the road a bit. Thankfully, some things in Go City stayed open come Hell or high water.

Shego purchased a few of the cameras once she found out that they only took twenty-one pictures. She did not want to hear Kim's mouth for the rest of the day about pictures. She was not even supposed to be home that day. She had to literally beg Betty, seriously plead, that she be given Christmas off because she did want to be there for Todd's great Christmas day. She was hoping to just relax and experience the day, watch the boy play with the toys or something, but of course, it had to be annoying from the moment it started.

The green-skinned female returned home with the cameras and sighed as she flopped down onto the sofa. She was glad to see her monsters remained sitting in the living room and had not torn the place apart. She pulled out one of the cameras and took a picture of them when they were not paying her any mind.

"Well, you two, start acting like jackals and open some presents," Shego commented.

The two redheads grinned and went for their gifts. They began opening boxes while Shego continued to snap pictures when she was not being mauled with hugs from a grateful monster or an overjoyed gremlin. Hugs and kisses seemed to be Shego's gifts, which were fine by her, but halfway through the presents, Kim went to Shego with an unopened box.

"This one's for you," Kim told her mistress.

"I told you not to get me anything," the moss-hued female replied.

"You tell me a lot of things," the hero remarked with a smile and a shrug.

Shego sighed and opened the small box. She expected jewelry of some kind because of the size of the box, but she did not see how her pet could afford something like that. She opened the package and found that it was a strange grass green crystal. It was shaped like a teardrop. She turned to her munchkin for an explanation.

"Isn't it pretty? I got it on my last mission. It's very rare and it's supposed to bring good luck," Kim reported.

"Well, I could definitely use some of that," Shego quipped.

"I figured you could. It's called an angel's tear. Do you like it?" Kim asked with hope in her voice.

Shego nodded as confirmation as she admired the stone. It was a very lovely crystal and it was small enough to wear as a necklace. She usually did not wear jewelry, but she certainly was going to make the exception now. It was on a simple lace, which could be snapped together to secure the gem around her neck. She wasted no time in putting it on.

Kim smiled and then she pointed to herself. The older woman knew exactly what her pet was requesting. Shego complied and gave the little imp a small kiss as thanks. She then allowed Kim to take her picture with the necklace on. She held the gem up for the picture and even smiled a little. Then the two redheads went back to getting into their things.

Shego received a few other gifts, including a framed picture of Kim and Todd together, which they took at the mall. She also got a book that she had been dying to read. Her last gift was a digital camera of all things. She looked at Kim, who shrugged.

"Are you trying to tell me something?" the pale woman inquired.

"Maybe," Kim replied. They needed pictures, not just of them, but also Todd, who was playing with a plush saber-tooth cat toy. He was having a good time with the toy that was about the size of a toddler. He was making it dance by holding its arms and bouncing it around.

"Where'd you get the money for this?" Shego asked.

Kim shrugged, as if she did not know where she had gotten the money from. She had, in fact, borrowed a little from all of her friends, who were all happy to help. She had wanted to get her owner one "big" gift and she thought that Shego needed a camera.

The green-skinned woman decided to not press the issue and she just petted Kim. The hero smiled and went back to her few remaining gifts. She got a few puzzles, including a ball puzzle, which she planned to get right to later on. She got some clothes; Shego liked to keep her in style when she could. A couple of c.d.s and dvds were also in the set as well as five thick books that Kim had secretly wanted. She did not understand how Shego knew that she desired them, but she did not ask. Hey, Shego was the mistress after all.

"Hey, wait a minute," Kim said.

"What?" Shego asked against her better judgment. Todd was now curled up next to her with his giant plush toy. It seemed that the excitement had been too much for him and he was taking a breather.

"I didn't get a big gift," Kim said.

"Big gift?" Shego echoed.

"Yeah, like you got the camera and Todd got the handheld game," the slim adventurer explained. They had brought Todd a rather expensive handheld game that he did not seem too interested in at the moment.

Shego nodded; okay, she had forgotten to get Kim a "big" gift. They had been so focused on Todd that it had not crossed her mind. Although even without him, she probably would not have thought to get her pet a big gift. Typically, she would have been irked by her pet pointing such a thing out and just barked on her, but with the way everything was going, she decided against that.

"Tell you what, Pumpkin, I'll let you have a pet," Shego started.

"Spanking!" Kim cheered.

"For a day," Shego added and her pet pouted.

"A day? That's it? Does it have to be today?" the younger woman inquired.

"No, any day you want, but it's only for that day."

"And I can have anything I want?"

"Yes."

"All right," Kim agreed with that. Her mistress was already getting the idea that the proposal was probably going to come back and bite her in the ass, literally. She just hoped poisonous fangs were not involved when it happened.

"Now, let's get some breakfast in you two," Shego commented while petting Todd on his stomach.

"Then what?" the boy asked, even though he had enough for the whole day from that one morning. He had gotten so many things and he was quite happy. He had a feeling that Kim and Shego had bought all of those presents for him, even though Kim kept insisting that it was Santa. They were now officially the best people that he had ever met.

"Then what?" Shego repeated back because she did not understand the question.

"We'll watch a Christmas Story. It's on all day and it's a great movie," Kim suggested with a smile.

No one argued and they had breakfast before lounging on the sofa for the whole day. They vegged out on "A Christmas Story" with Shego sitting on the sofa, Kim lying in her lap, and Todd sitting on what was now his pillow. Shego caressed Kim's head and the hero, in turn, rubbed Todd's head, and Todd just hugged his plush toy. After lunch, they changed the way that they were situated. Shego lay down on the sofa, Kim rested on top of her, and Todd laid down on Kim's back. They all fall asleep like that after an hour of resting on the sofa and the television was left watching itself.

--------------

Shego made a pretty big Christmas dinner for the three of them. It was a nice spread, especially for just the three of them, although with the way Todd and Kim ate, it could have easily not have been enough food. The redheaded pair did not make pigs of themselves, though. The dinner was civil and a great way to end the day.

They all curled into bed at a reasonable time; Todd did not let his plush toy go all day and took it to bed with him. It was easy to see that despite all of the other things, including the expensive handheld game system, the plush toy was his favorite gift. He held it tightly in his sleep; he was sleeping in the middle now. It was the best Christmas that he had ever experienced. Shego would have understood because she felt like it was the best Christmas that she had ever had too.

----(New day)

Kim and Shego walked up the stairs to their home. Shego was holding some bags while Kim had Todd on her shoulders. They had gone food shopping and the redheads joined in to specifically tell Shego what snacks they wanted. It had been an interesting day for the simple fact that people had assumed Todd was their son, mostly because Shego kept yelling at him to stop touching stuff while Kim kept chasing him around to get him to stop eating things that they had not paid for. He seemed completely different now from when he had first come to them. He seemed totally comfortable around them and very happy.

Todd was very comfortable around the two women, more so than he had ever been with anyone. They made him feel special and safe. He liked being around both of them and they could tell that. He never brought up his parents, or why he followed Kim home, or where he was before he got lost. He just got into the flow with them and now it was like he belonged with them and belonged there. And then, then came reality.

The trio noticed a couple standing outside of their apartment door. Todd gasped and buried his head in Kim's red mane, as if he was hiding. Shego arched an eyebrow because of his reaction and then she turned to the couple. She could guess who they were, but she decided to play otherwise.

"Can I help you two or something?" Shego asked the couple while pulling out her keys to open the front door.

"I'm Tyler Grumbling and you have my son," the man stated in a clipped tone. He was a well to do looking gentleman. He had a dark blue silk suit on with the same type of tie. He had stylish spectacles on his clean shaven face. All Shego could think was, funny, he did not look like the dick he was.

Shego imagined that he was as much an asshole as his wife because any caring father would have wanted his son back as soon as possible, but not him. He seemed just as content as the cow that he was married to with leaving Todd with a total stranger who could have easily killed the boy and gotten rid of the body by now. They could have done damn near anything to Todd for all of the time that they had him and his bastard parents did not even seem to care. She was pissed at them and seeing what they looked like did not help her disposition. She just wanted to spit in their faces.

She was so happy that Todd had followed Kim home that day with the parents that he had. Had he followed someone else home, any number of things could have happened to him and his parents probably would not have cut their vacation short no matter what. What assholes.

"Oh, so you must be Missus Grumbling," Shego said to the redheaded woman in his company. She was a crimson-haired woman with sky blue eyes. Todd actually looked a bit like the woman, which angered Shego more. How the hell could a woman that he looked so much like just leave him with strangers?

"I am," she confirmed as if she was insulted by the fact that Shego was even speaking to her.

"No, you know, it's just that with all of the makeup, I thought you might be a prostitute," Shego remarked.

"What?" the woman gasped. The nerve of the green-skinned freak, she thought.

"Shego," Kim scolded her owner. It was something that she had recently found herself doing because her master was being rude to Todd early on and now she was being so curt with his parents.

"Right. Princess, take Smiley inside and give him some lunch," the raven-haired officer said as she opened the door.

"All right." Kim nodded and she walked into the apartment with Todd.

"What do you think you're doing?" Mister Grumbling demanded to know as the two redheads vanished into the apartment.

"I'm going to need you two to come down to the station with me," Shego informed the parents as she put the grocery bags into the apartment.

"What?" the pair shouted.

"Look, we're here, just give us our son back," Missus Grumbling demanded.

"Yeah, I don't know what kind of asshole you think I am, but I'll guarantee you I'm not that kind of asshole. You weren't in such hurry to get him back before, so shut the hell up. Now, I need you to come down to the station with me," Shego repeated as she was finished with the bags.

Shego closed the apartment door and locked it back. In her opinion, Todd was now a world away from his parents and if they wanted him back, they would have to play by her rules. No more bullshit from them, she decided. They eventually complied with her orders when they saw that she was not playing around with them and went with her to the station.

--------------

"Kimmie," Todd said in a low voice as they sat down for lunch. She had made tuna sandwiches because that was his favorite.

"Yes?" Kim replied.

"Am I going to have to leave?" he asked curiously.

"Well, when your parents come back, probably. Don't you want to go home?" Kim countered in a curious tone.

"What's home?" he asked while staring down at his sandwich, which was cut in four triangles because he liked it cut that way.

"Well, you know, it's the place you want to go to at the end of the day to relax and feel comfortable. It's the place you feel safe in, the place you feel happy in, and the place you can just be yourself in," she explained as best she could.

"So, isn't this home?" he inquired.

Kim was speechless. The apartment was home for her and Shego, of course, but she could see how it could be home for Todd too. His parents did not seem to care too much about him. They had left him for almost a week with total strangers because they did not want to break their vacation. He claimed that he never had gotten Christmas gifts before living with Kim and Shego. He even tried to hide when he saw his parents and they had not even embraced him after the ordeal of losing him and not seeing him for however long. Todd did not want to go home, or rather, he wanted to stay home.

Eventually, Todd was going to have to go back to his parents, though. He knew that, but he wished that he could just stay with Kimmie and Shego. He wanted to stay with the women that protected him from the boogeyman, that took him outside to play in the snow, that built snowmen with him, that kept him company by watching cartoons with him, that taught him to count and do puzzles, that let him sleep on them, and that cut his sandwiches into four little triangles or squares. He wanted to stay with the women that included him in things. He wanted to stay with them because he mattered to them and he could tell that he did.

--------------

Shego took Todd's parents back to the station to confirm that they were who they claimed to be. Once that was cleared up, she then informed them that child services would be watching them closely. Shego and Betty had been utterly disgusted that the parents had just left Todd with a stranger just because she claimed to be a cop. The parents did argue that they checked to make sure Shego was telling the truth. They did have connections to do that sort of thing, but Shego did not really give a damn. They did leave the kid with a fucking stranger after all. Still, Todd had to return to his parents.

The pale woman was not happy with that decision, but she did ask herself, what was going to happen if Todd did not go back to his parents? It was not like she would have been able to keep the kid. He would have been placed in foster care and that would not have been what he needed.

She returned home and packed up Todd's things while he stood with Kim away from his parents, who were standing by the door. His mother had huffed that he did not need any of the things that Shego and Kim bought for him. Shego had been understandably outraged and exchanged heated words with the decided bitch. She then proceeded to pack away everything Todd had acquired while with them, which was quite a bit since he had spent Christmas with them.

Shego and Kim accompanied Todd down to his parents' car; Kim carried him while Shego carried his bags. The pale woman put the bags in the backseat of the car, but he remained close to Shego and Kim as if he had no plans of getting in the automobile at all. He did not look happy with the way things were going. He appeared to be closed to tears, his mouth curled up in anger and his eyebrows were furrowed. He looked so much like a tiny adult and they did not think that was right. He was a kid and he should get the chance to get just be a kid.

"Don't cry, gremlin," Shego said to Todd.

"Yeah, you'll be all right," Kim tried to assure him.

"Can I come back and visit?" he requested as his tears began to fall. He figured that he would be all right as long as he could come back to them. He did not want to stay with people that hardly knew he was alive and that always forced him to do things that he did not want to do. He did not want to stay with the people that did not protect him.

"Anytime, gremlin. You're always welcomed here," Shego promised the boy.

"It's home," Kim added. "It's your home," she assured him.

Todd nodded and Kim hugged him. She gave him a big kiss on the cheek and ruffled his hair. Shego rubbed his head, not caring much for a touchy-feely farewell. He motioned for her to lean down and she knew that he wanted a kiss. She leaned down and he kissed her goodbye, on the cheek.

"Take care, booger," Shego said.

"Bye," he muttered.

Todd hopped into the backseat of the car with his plushie saber-tooth, which was his sidekick they guessed. He locked himself in with the seatbelt, which he learned to do with Kim and Shego in the pale woman's car. He stared at them through the window and waved as his father drove off. He felt like he was being carried out of paradise and to the gallows. He did not even know what gallows were, but it felt like he was headed there. He cried harder as he felt like he was driving out of Shego's and Kim's lives forever.

----(Glimpse into the future)

"Smiley, will you bring your ass?" a young lady hollered rather unladylike through a big apartment. She was standing at the door and dressed rather nicely. She was in a black, knee length skirt and a white and black button-down shirt.

"Can you give me a second? Damn it, you're worse than my She-she," came the somewhat soft spoken response from the back. His voice and his replies sometimes did not match up with each other.

"If your She-she was here right now, you'd be ready. Now, move your ass. I don't want to be late…later than we already are. I want to see my family."

"Yes, master," he replied rather sarcastically. She liked that he did not point out that she could have easily stayed home instead of coming to pick him up, as she had done.

The young woman laughed. She was Mayah Director-Jones. Yes, her parents were Betty Director and Dahntay Jones. She looked like a younger caramel version of Betty, except that she had both of her eyes, which were rather unique eyes because one was onyx and the other was chocolate. She was a curvy nineteen-year-old college student and she was dating Smiley, also known as Todd.

Now, Todd was older than Mayah by almost seven years. He had been trying his best to not get involved with Mayah just because it seemed a bit messed up to him considering that he had known her for pretty much her whole life, but she was a persistent and scary woman. She really just reminded him very much of his "She-she," which was what he called Shego.

What happened with Todd after he first left Shego and Kim so many years ago was an odd thing, he kept running away, going back to them. He was only five, but he would leave his parents' house in another city and run off back to Shego and Kim. Now, the two ladies acknowledged the danger in that and proposed to his parents that they just let him visit whenever he had a school holiday or vacation or something like that. His parents had at first been against that idea, especially after they figured out the pair's sexual orientation.

Apparently, back then, Todd's parents thought that Todd would grow up to be gay if he was visiting two lesbians. He figured that if parents helped develop a child's sexuality, then he was a lesbian because he had a weakness for women, especially Mayah as it turned out. He never really understood why his parents had a problem that his She-she and Kimmie were a couple, even if it did make him grow up gay because his parents never seemed to care about what he did with his life.

So, he spent a lot of time with Shego and Kim after his parents agreed that it was dangerous for someone as young as he was be hitching rides to Go City, which he had done the first time he ran away. It freaked Shego and Kim out so badly that they told him to call them the next time that he wanted to come out and they would come get him, even if his parents did not want them to. They just did not want anything to happen to him.

He had quickly come to consider Shego and Kim his parents because they were better than his birth parents to him in his opinion. He called Shego his "She-she" instead of mother because he thought that any form of mother was just boring and nothing boring should ever be assigned to his parents in his opinion. He usually called Kim "Kimmie" because that was the name that Shego used when not using the typical pet names that she had for Kim. But, Kim was "his Kimmie" when he spoke about her. They were good parents and he would defend that until his last breath to anyone, including his birth parents and he had argued with his birth parents about them several times over his life.

Kim and Shego were the ones that took him to sporting events for quality time. They were the ones that signed him up for little league because he did spend his summers with them. They talked him into doing pee-wee football too and promised to come to all of his games, even though he had to play them in another city because of the season that football was played in. They did drive from Go City every weekend to watch him play. They tried to be there for him no matter what. Hell, sometimes, they even went to parent-teacher conferences for him.

They had been the ones that paid for his college education. They paid his rent the first couple of months that he moved into his apartment. They were there for every important event in his life, all of his graduations, his prom, and just everything that he could think of. They were there for him when he was trying his best to escape Mayah. Obviously, their efforts were wasted in that area, but he had only given into her recently, so it worked for a while.

"Damn it, Todd 'Smiley' Possible-Gooding, we need to get out of here," Mayah called.

Todd snorted from the use of his whole name; he had his name legally changed when he turned eighteen and his "parents" even legally adopted him then since they could. He would not consider himself henpecked or nagged by Mayah. If she did not get on his case, he would be all over the place. He was very much like Kim, and he heard that often, believing that he could do anything and he tried to do everything all of the time. He had trouble focusing sometime and he was easily distracted, so Mayah kept him on point when she was around. She was actually the best girl that he had ever dated because most others just could not deal with him. He was so much like his Kimmie, intelligent, yet scatterbrained at the same time and it just got on most of his girlfriends' nerves. Mayah was very different.

Mayah had had a crush on Todd since who knew when. When she was little, she used to be awed by almost everything that he did. She used to creep him out, really. She was always smiling at him or wanting to know about what he was doing or something like that. The thing was that she was seven years younger than him and he just never looked at her as, well, a girl.

"Smiles!" Mayah barked yet again.

Todd came running at the sound of that voice, knowing that if he let her call him one more time then he was going to be in the doghouse for a long time. Mayah frowned when he came down the hall, fixing his hat. She thought that he was changing his clothes, which was a bad habit of his, even though he had not said that he was going to change. To make her more irked, he had changed his clothes, but now it looked like he was going to a basketball game. She would bite his head off if she could only open her mouth that wide; he made her that angry sometimes.

"Smiley, baby, what the hell, man?" Mayah sighed. If she did not love him so much, she would have hit him in the head with a baseball a long time ago, she thought.

"What?" he asked while looking at her with a bewildered expression. He was now a tall young man with wide shoulders. His body reflected the fact that he played football throughout his life. His crimson hair was still cut short and somewhat messy, but the hat covered that up. His arms were muscular and thick and Mayah enjoyed touching his biceps, which were on display since he was wearing basketball jersey.

"What's with the outfit? It's my mom's birthday for crying out loud. And where the hell is the gift?" Mayah inquired.

"Oh, the gift!" he gasped and charged back into the bedroom to retrieve the gift.

"Smiles, you'd lose your head if I wasn't around," Mayah sighed.

He laughed; she was right, but he would also lose his head to her while she was around because he irked her. He grabbed the gift and returned to be scolded for his attire. She grabbed him and they left the apartment. He drove them to her parents' house for her mother's huge birthday bash. They always threw Betty a big birthday because they swore that she, as a superwoman, deserved a day that celebrated her "powers." They also tried it with Shego a few times, but she had a bad habit of not showing up for her own party when they made a big thing about it.

"Hey!" the young couple called as they entered the house.

"It's about time you two got here, but I get the feeling that you're late because Smiley is Kimmie's son," Shego remarked as she caught them first because she was standing by the door. She was starting to go gray, but only in the center of her hair, which they all thought was odd. She had a few lines on her face, but nothing much.

"She-she," Todd sighed as he greeted her with a hug and a kiss on the cheek.

"You're just as pathetic as Kimmie," Shego teased.

"Well, like you said, I am her son. Where is Pop?" he asked. He called Kim "pop" sometimes just because she did a couple of things that he associated with a father, like break the rules with him.

"I think she's eating junk as usual. Go say hi to her and then go greet the birthday girl," the green-skinned woman ordered.

Todd nodded, as he had a habit of doing with his She-she. He and Mayah made their way through several other partiers, mostly former coworkers or employees of the birthday girl. They went to the back of the house and found Kim. She was not eating like Shego claimed. She was showing off some snakes to younger people at the party, Mayah's three siblings among them.

"She'll never change," Todd muttered, but then again, he figured that reptiles would always be interesting. "Hey, Pop!"

"Hey, if it isn't Doctor Possible-Gooding and only two hours late this time," Kim replied with a grin.

Todd blushed in embarrassment, not just because he was late as usual, but also because she called him "doctor." He was a PhD holder. A lot of people thought that he was going to follow in Kim's footsteps because he liked to travel the world and he had a soft spot for reptiles, but he did not go for herpetology, although he did go for the slew of degrees like Kim. He decided on becoming a paleontologist and that got him around the world and in dangerous situations just as well as herpetology did for his Kimmie. He also did the hero thing every now and then since Kim was getting older and he thought that she needed a rest. She was not looking to slow down, though.

Todd made his way over to Kim and kissed her on the cheek. He hugged her very carefully because he did not want to injure the serpent that she was holding. He also greeted Mayah's three siblings and then he got the shock of his life as a teenage girl seemed to appear out of nowhere, holding a huge python. He jumped back and yelped.

"Wow, Smiles, you sure are jumpy," the teenager remarked with a cruel smirk. Apparently, she had meant to shock him.

"Not funny, Jade," he grumbled.

The teenage girl, Jayden, better known as Jade, only smiled. She was Smiley's little sister. She was a year younger than Mayah and the pair was great friends. She had long ebony hair, but it was dyed that color. She had been born with light brown hair, but had begged for her mane to be changed very early on in her life. She had a round face like Kim's and olive eyes like Kim too. She acted like Kim and Shego mixed; it seemed like her mood depended on who she was around or what time of day it was. Right now, she wanted to be annoying to her big brother.

"Jade, you keep scaring my baby and I'm going to have to take you outside and thrash you as usual," Mayah said.

Jade scoffed. "Don't tempt me, Mayah. I still owe you for those pants you stole from me."

"Those were my pants that you stole, ya thief. I only took them back," Mayah argued.

"Details, details," Jade replied dismissively, knowing that her friend was telling the truth. The truth hardly mattered in an argument to her, though. She just wanted to win the verbal battle, like any other battle.

"Come on, baby. Let's leave the snake with her friends and go see my mom," Mayah said while tugging Smiley away.

Todd did not argue. He offered Kim and Jade a smile as he was pulled away. The mother and daughter went back to showing off their snakes. Yeah, they were Jade's snakes too. If anybody was following in Kim's herpetology footsteps, it was definitely Jade.

"Hey, Mom," Mayah said as she found her mother and hugged her.

"Hey, baby," Betty replied as she returned the embrace. She was sitting outside on the deck, away from most of the party. She then noticed Todd and laughed a bit. "And you brought this guy."

"Hey, Miss Betty," Todd said with a polite smile as he leaned down and kissed her cheek.

"Hey, Smiles. Are you taking good care of my baby?" Betty inquired.

"Mom," Mayah groaned. She hated when her parents asked questions like that. They knew Todd, so she did not see why they always had to make a thing out of the fact that she was dating him.

Betty and Dahntay really did not have much of a problem with Todd dating their daughter. They knew him and they knew that he respected Mayah. They also knew that Mayah was head-over-heels in love with the weirdo redhead, who had tried his best to stay away from her. The most they had to get over was the age difference, but they got over that fairly easily because Todd's legal parents shared the same age difference and they did not see anything wrong in that relationship…well, technically speaking anyway.

"No, ma'am. I'm not taking care of her at all, so you should tell her to stay away from me," Todd replied. He often said such things, mostly joking now, but he used to say them with the hope that Mayah's parents would get the crazy girl away from him.

"Please, I stay away from you and you'll be dead within the week," Mayah stated.

"She's got you there, Smiley," Betty commented with an amused smile.

Todd smiled too; he really did not make his nickname seem ironic anymore. He was so glad that he had followed Kim home all those years ago. It was probably the best decision that he had ever made in his life and he had only been five. He had the greatest parents that a guy could ask for now.

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Next time: oh, this'll be a good one. Kim cashes in on her gift of getting a pet for a day. Wonder what she'll decide on.

Also, I had a short story planned to explain the existence of Jayden, who was introduced in this chapter, but I'm not sure if anyone's really interested in that. If you would like to see how Kim and Shego had a daughter, let me know now or it'll just remain a mystery once this story comes to an end.


	53. Gag Fifty Three: Switch

I don't own these characters and I don't own this premise.

Gag Fifty-three: Switch

_I knew this fucking idea was going to come back and just bite me in the ass the moment I let it leave my fucking mouth. I just knew it. I didn't know how it was going to bite me, though. I thought actual teeth would be involved or something crazy like that. It would seem that I thought wrong. I have got to learn to watch what I say around this kid. I mean, last time I made a weird suggestion to her, she took me up on the offer and became my pet._

It took Kim and Shego a while to get over the fact that Todd was gone. They missed the little guy, even though he was a bit weird. Kim had actually put a nice picture of all three of them in a beautiful frame, which she hung on the wall in the living room. It was the first picture ever in to hang in Shego's home and she did not object to it when her pet put it up. In fact, she had commented that it was a good photo. It would have been better if Shego was smiling in the picture, but then again, Todd was not smiling much either. Kim was grinning up a storm, though.

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"Hey, Shego, remember at Christmas you said I could have a pet?" Kim asked out of the blue. She was lying in Shego's lap getting her scalp caressed by her mistress while a movie was playing on television, but they were not paying it much mind.

"For a day," Shego replied, showing that she did recall, even though that was well over a month ago. She had been hoping that Kim forgot about it, but it would seem that would have been too much to ask for. She knew deep down that Kim was not going to forget that, even though they had other things happening at the time and things had been busy since then too.

"Yeah, for a day. Well, I know what I want for the day," the redhead commented.

"Yeah, what? A cobra? A rattlesnake? Or something else with sharp teeth that can kill us undoubtedly," the pale woman remarked.

"No, nothing like that," the younger female said, which surprised her master.

"Then what?" Shego asked curiously. She thought that her pet would either go for something with scales or something that barked. Those were the things that her monster had showed interest an in the past. Maybe her elf was looking to try something new and they would be stuck with a cat or bird for the day. Well, at least it would only be for the day.

"I want you," Kim declared.

"You want me?" Shego echoed in a very curious and perplexed tone. She just did not understand what her monster was going on about. First they were talking about temporary pets and now she was making sexual demands? That did not add up, but then again, her pet really did not add up.

"I want you to be my pet for the day," Kim explained.

"You want me to be your pet? Yeah, right," the pale woman scoffed. Like hell she would be a pet to her own pet.

"You said anything. I want you to be my pet for the day," the redhead insisted. "If you don't do it, then that means you lied to me."

Shego thought on the request. Her pet was her pet everyday. She supposed that it would not be so bad to trade places for a day and she had said anything. She was a little curious as to what it was like in her pet's shoes. It was only for the day, she told herself. It was not like they were changing places for the rest of their lives. Surely it would not kill her to be the pet for the day.

"All right," the raven-haired officer agreed.

"Huh?" Kim asked in disbelief. She thought that it was going to much harder than that. In fact, she had been planning the biggest tantrum ever and that was only the start of what she was going to do to get her master to agree. Wow, she sort of did not know what to do with the rest of her evening now.

"All right," Shego repeated.

"You'll be my pet for the day?" the hero inquired to make sure that they were talking about the same thing.

"Yeah."

"Great, so we'll do it on your next day off," Kim stated.

"Why then?" Shego asked.

"So I get the whole day to have you. It wouldn't be fair to do it when you come in for work and most of the day is already gone," the olive-eyed girl answered. Shego shrugged because her girl had a point. So, it would seem that she was going to see how the other half lived come her next day off.

----(New day)

Kim hopped up from bed, careful not to wake her mistress…oh, no, careful not to wake her pet. It was her day to be the mistress, which was why she had made sure that she woke up first. She had to make breakfast for her pet because that was what a good owner did, so she had to be up first. She trotted out to the kitchen to see what she could prepare.

The slim adventurer wondered what kind of breakfast that she should make for her master. She pretty much ate anything that could be sweetened with sugar or syrup. She noticed that her mistress…no, wait, her pet was more into buttered foods; it might take her a while to get used to considering herself the mistress. Shego almost always had a buttered bagel for breakfast, whether it was toasted or warmed in the microwave. Well, she could easily fix a bagel, but she should make more of a breakfast than that, she told herself.

She needed to make sure that her pet had a good, wholesome morning meal. So, she began searching the kitchen cabinets, taking things out as she considered what she would make for breakfast. She pulled out a bunch of things and stared at them. She scratched her head and shrugged. There were not many options in breakfast after she yanked cereal off the list of things that she could prepare. She knew that Shego would not eat cereal, not that she understood why that was, except that Shego once proclaimed that cereal was "for little kids."

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Shego woke up to the smell of smoke. She shot up from bed, thinking that Kim had set the place on fire. It just seemed like something that would happen sooner or later. She was a little glad to get it out of the way. She hoped that it was not a big fire and that it could be controlled and put out without the fire department needing to be notified. She did not need that kind of excitement on her day off.

She trotted out of the bedroom and saw that the apartment looked normal. She went to the dining room and looked into the kitchen to find Kim making breakfast. The smoke smell more than likely originated from a pile of burnt bagels on the counter. The toaster was a tricky beast to set and it was very easy to burn things, especially things that one was not accustomed to toasting, like bagels in Kim's case. The redhead did not eat bagels, so she did not know what number to set the toaster on and the first few bagels were casualties of the sensitive appliance. She had not gotten around to throwing them out yet because she was focusing on the rest of the meal.

"Princess, what the hell are you doing?" Shego inquired with a long yawn. She was up too early for her liking on her day off. Too early meant that it was before noon.

"Good morning. I'm making breakfast," Kim declared proudly with a smile.

"Why are you making breakfast?" the green-skinned female asked curiously. Her munchkin never made breakfast. In fact, it was still against the rules for her imp to use the stove, which limited what she could make.

"Because I'm supposed to," Kim answered.

"You're supposed to?" Shego echoed. She considered that she might just be having some weird dream. Since when was her monster supposed to make meals? It had to be a weird dream, which was a relief because that meant that she was really still sleeping.

"I'm the master today," Kim reminded the apartment owner.

"Oh, yeah. That," the pale woman muttered. Right, she was the pet today and Kim was the mistress. She guessed that it was not a dream then. Damn it, then she was actually awake.

The older female decided not to argue the matter, especially since she had agreed to play the pet for a day. She went and sat down at the table while listening to Kim mill about the kitchen. She listened to dishes clinging, so she looked into the kitchen to make sure that her monster was not breaking things. She was very nervous about having the redhead in the kitchen alone. She knew that Kim was not stupid, but she also knew that the girl was careless.

"Pumpkin, do you need help in there?" Shego asked while trying to mask her concern for her poor dishes. If Kim broke any of those plates or bowls, she was going to have to hurt that kid. She would have her imp hiding in the loft for the rest of the year if something was broken.

"No, I'm good," the trim scholar replied.

The emerald-eyed female did not argue, but she cringed with each noise that came from the kitchen. She glanced in there every now and then to make sure that her nutty munchkin was not destroying anything. Eventually, Kim presented her with a toasted bagel and a cheese omelet. It looked edible, so Shego decided to dig in. Kim sat down and just watched her temporary pet eat.

"This is good, Pumpkin," Shego commented in a surprised tone, which caused the younger woman to smile a little bit. It seemed that her first act as mistress was a good one.

"Hey, maybe you could call me Kim today," the redhead suggested with a bright smile of hope.

"Don't push it," Shego replied.

"But, you're my pet today," the younger female argued. She did not see what the big deal was and she was mistress for the day, so she thought that it was only fair that her pet call her by the name she wanted.

"All right, Kimmie," the moss-hued officer said with a taunting smirk.

"Come on. Call me Kim," she insisted.

"Kimmie," Shego practically purred.

The scholar sighed; she guessed that she was not going to get a "Kim" out of her short-term pet. If that was the case, Kimmie was close enough. After all, it was not often that she even got a "Kimmie" out of the older woman.

Kim got up and made herself a bowl of cereal for breakfast. After eating, she cleared the table and washed the dishes while Shego got her morning paper and started reading. Maybe the pet deal would not be so bad, the pale woman considered. After all, she was going to get to be lazy for the day and would not have to do anything at all for Kim. She really would be able to have the day off. She did not have to do anything.

When Kim was done with the dishes, she did something that stunned the hell out of the elder woman in the apartment; Kim went over to Shego and petted her. The pale woman snorted like an upset bull and moved her head. She looked up at the redhead as if she had lost what little mind she had and it was running around on the floor at that very moment.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" the law enforcement agent inquired and the master-for-the-day only smiled.

So far, Shego made for a lousy pet, Kim noted. The green-skinned woman did not like being caressed and she did not trust her mistress to prepare a meal for her. The petite hero had some faith that things would get better as the day progressed because she thought that Shego might get used to the role, if only a little bit. But then again, it was Shego that was she thinking about. The pale woman had a habit of making mountains out of anthills all the time.

"I'm going to take a shower," the older woman announced as she finished with her paper.

"Oh, do you want me to shampoo your hair for you?" Kim asked eagerly.

"Try it and die," Shego replied.

Kim pouted; it was not like there was a part of the green-skinned female's body that she had not seen and explored in great detail with several of her own body parts. She thought that it would be nice if she could wash Shego's hair for once since Shego had done it so many times for her. It would seem that the temporary pet was not in agreement with that plan, though. She would leave Shego to her false modesty and not make a big deal out of it. The denial was more defiance than modesty more than likely. She was still not a good pet because of the defiance.

The redhead went to get something that she had brought just for the occasion while her pet went to take her shower. She wondered what she should do next. Maybe they could watch a movie and she would get to pet Shego's head. Maybe it was just as soothing to do the petting as it was to have it done, even though she doubted that was likely that she would get the chance to find out with the way Shego had just dodged her petting attempt before. There was a chance that they could play fetch, but she doubted that Shego would go for that. She would give it a shot anyway. She wanted to try almost everything while she had the chance.

Part of her even considered scolding Shego. She wondered how the pale woman would react to being told "bad girl." She doubted that it would go over well. She would not even think about hitting the officer with a magazine or something like that. It might start a real fight. If she had the chance to, she might try the scolding thing though, if only to see how her temporary pet took it.

By the time Shego was done with her shower and dressed in some house clothes, Kim was lounging on the sofa with little box next to her. The younger female was focusing on the television, looking for something to watch. Shego flopped down next to the redhead and was about to pull Kim into her lap because that was just force of habit, but the little hero resisted. Shego frowned and snorted in annoyance.

"What are you doing?" the raven-haired officer inquired.

"You should lay in my lap," Kim suggested while pointing to herself, as if her temporary pet did not know who she meant.

"No way," Shego objected.

"Why not?"

"Because I'm not."

"But, today you're the pet," Kim pointed out.

"I'm still not lying in your lap."

Kim sighed once again; yeah, Shego was not a good pet. She wondered if she should have just gone with a reptile or something for the day. It would have been easier and possibly more fulfilling if she brought home something with scales. She picked up the box that was next to her and handed it to Shego.

"Here, I got this for you," Kim said in a mumble.

"Hmm?" Shego looked down at the box.

"You know, for today."

The officer was curious and so, she opened the box. She was not surprised to find that it contained a collar. She picked the collar up and inspected it. It was a grass green collar with triangular tag that read "Shego."

"I wanted it to match with stuff you wear," the slender redhead explained.

"Well, it does that," Shego muttered.

"So, are you going to put it on or what?"

"No."

"Why not?" Kim inquired. Boy, a snake was looking like a fine choice in pets now.

"I'm not wearing a collar." What the hell was wrong with Kim, she wondered. There was no way in all the world that she was going to put a collar on.

"You're a pet. You have to wear a collar or someone might mistake you for a stray. Do you want to end up in the pound or an animal shelter?" the scientist asked as if she was serious with inquiry, much like the pale woman might do with her.

Shego failed to see the humor in that question and it showed on her face. The redhead was not put off by that and took the collar from her pet. She attached the collar around Shego's neck and smiled at the sight. She then went to pet the cranky female again.

"So cute," the adventurer said and Shego knocked her hand away.

"Quit it," Shego ordered. She did not like the way that the day was going. She thought that she was going to get to laze around on the sofa, reading or just about anything that she wanted to do. Instead she was getting annoyed for the most part with collars and attempts to rub her head like she was random bunny.

The petite hero pouted and turned away from her temporary pet for a moment. Well, that had gone over as well as she had hoped. She wondered what she should do now. Maybe they could play a game, she considered. She got up from her seat and went to get the ball that Shego usually made her fetch when one of them got bored.

Kim showed the small ball to the green-skinned officer and then threw the ball into the hall of the apartment. Shego watched the ball and then she turned her attention back to the decided crazy person living with her. Kim stared at her moss-hued pet.

"Well," the redhead said.

"Well what?" Shego asked. What the hell was the girl getting at now?

"You're not going to fetch the ball, are you?" Kim sighed.

"Fuck, no. I'm not a dog," Shego replied.

The olive-eyed scientist pouted again, much more deeply now. She was saddened and slightly offended by the response. Shego seemed to realize her words a few seconds after they left her mouth. She supposed that they were not the best choice of words considering their circumstances. She almost always made Kim fetch the stupid ball when she was bored. The fact that Kim actually did it was one of the things that made her such a good pet. Shego sighed and rose from the sofa to go get the damn ball.

"Here," the pale woman said in a huff as she handed her mistress the ball.

"Good girl," Kim cooed and she reached out to caress Shego's scalp for a job well done.

"What the hell are you doing?" the emerald-eyed woman demanded to know as she stepped away from the redhead.

"What? You do this to me all of the time," Kim pointed out.

Shego was stunned by that news. Did she really treat Kim in such a demeaning manner? If so, she could see why it had taken her so long to come to grips with how she felt about the little monster. She treated Kim like a dog.

"Let's do it again," Kim suggested in a chipper tone and she threw the ball again.

"You're pressing your luck," Shego stated and she walked off after the ball again.

Kim only smiled. The day pretty much went with the pair staying inside and Kim trying to treat Shego the way that Shego treated her, but the older woman was not as enthused with everything as Kim usually would be. Some things Shego flat out refused to do, like play dead and roll over. She was going to be so glad when the day was finally over and everything could go back normal.

"Come on, if you do the trick, you get a treat," Kim told her pet.

"I'm not doing it," Shego insisted.

Kim had been trying positive reinforcement to get her pale girl to do a trick, but it did not seem to be working. It seemed that she was going to have to pull out the last resort. She wondered how Shego would react to it.

"Bad girl," Kim scolded Shego and she actually thumped the pale woman in the nose.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" the green-skinned female snarled after a moment. It took a few seconds to get over the fact that she had just been called a "bad girl" and got whacked in the nose for it.

"Bad girl. Now, do the trick," Kim ordered.

Shego muttered profanities under her breath while noting that she did not like being called a "bad girl" just because she did not want to do a stupid pet trick. Rather than being told that she was bad and getting hit in the nose again, she opted to do the idiotic stunt. She laid down on the floor and "presented her belly." Kim leaned down and rubbed Shego's stomach.

"Aw, that's a good girl," Kim cooed. Shego was so going to kill her tomorrow.

--------------

The day was finally done with. Shego was so sick of being the pet. She could not believe that "fetch" was even dumber when she was the one retrieving the ball. She could hardly relax because she did not want to do anything that Kim requested of her. Everything seemed so wrong, humiliating, and shameful. She thought that only a certified idiot would voluntarily do such things and then she looked at Kim, who was about to jump into bed.

"Don't," Shego warned the brat.

Kim did not listen and flopped down on the bed. The older woman sighed and snatched up her little monster. She began tickling Kim for being so hardheaded. The redhead tried her best to get away, but it did not work.

"You can't do this! I'm still the mistress and you're still the pet!" the slim scholar complained through loud giggles.

"I'm one of those pets that attacks her master," the emerald-eyed female replied.

"No fair! Come on, stop!" Kim pled. Why did her owner have to know that she was so ticklish? It had been such a well kept secret all the way up until she started living with Shego.

"You won't jump on the bed anymore, right?"

"Right!"

Shego released her "mistress" and Kim tried to catch her breath while ceasing her laughter. The elder female did gather Kim back up in her arms and held onto the smaller woman. She buried her cheek in Kim's soft hair. The scientist sighed; it was a content sound.

"Pumpkin," Shego said.

"Hmm?" Kim replied.

"Why did you do this for me? Why do you stay my pet?" the pale woman inquired curiously. After living through it for a day, she was baffled as to why the kid remained with her. She thought someone as smart as Kim would have run off the first hour of such treatment. Yet Kim not only stayed, but she came back after she was released. Hell, she came back after running away.

"To be with you. I thought you knew."

"But, you've never felt like this was an insult to you intelligence, or your pride, your dignity, hell, even your humanity?"

"No," Kim answered honestly. Even when she had first started the job, it served a purpose and that was fine by her.

"Explain that one to me. How is it that you're okay with all of this?"

Kim settled against Shego before answering the question. "Well, whenever I do something, I try to tell myself just what I'm getting into for fewer surprises and I always remind myself why I'm getting into it. I always like to remind myself why I'm doing something. I mean, I know I might come across as nutty, impulsive, and even a little dizzy, but I do think things out. Maybe I do it just a little faster than most people and come to stranger conclusions, but I do think stuff out. Whenever you ask me to do something from when we got together, I just reminded myself that I agreed to be your pet and why I had agreed to it and that made me all right with doing whatever you asked," she explained.

"Well, sorry for making you do anything that was stupid," Shego apologized.

"Well, I'd do anything for you," Kim replied and she looked up at the pale woman. "Or to you," she added with a smirk.

"You are no good," Shego commented.

"You like me that way."

"I love you that way," Shego corrected the redhead.

"If you really love me, you'll be a good pet for the rest of the night," the younger woman remarked.

Shego laughed, but she supposed that she could play the pet for the rest of the night. She did still have the collar on and everything. She rested against Kim that night instead of the other way around. She also molested Kim that night instead of the other way around; apparently, there were good points in being a pet.

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Next time: Isabel arranges for a little family get together with the Possible family being included.


	54. Gag Fifty Four: A family affair

I don't own these characters and I don't own this premise.

Gag Fifty-four: A family affair

_Honestly, maybe I can somewhat see why Shego is a little annoyed with her mother sometimes. I mean, sometimes, it seems that her mother does go a little too far. I never would've believed it till now. I mean, this was just a little too much. She could've warned us or something. It would've been nice is all I'm saying. I still like her and everything, but she should've warned us. I would've really appreciated it._

A phone rang and went unanswered. The caller was far from deterred and merely called again a little while later. She still did not get an answer, but that did not bother her at all. It took a lot to deter her, after all. She just called a different number and finally got an answer.

"Hello," neurosurgeon Anastasia Possible answered her cell phone. She was coming out of the hospital that she worked in after being called in for an emergency procedure.

"Hello, I'm looking for Doctor Anastasia Possible."

"Speaking."

"Oh, hello. I'm Isabel Gooding. I'm Shego's mother," the caller identified herself. She had called the Possible house the first couple of times to get into touch with the doctor because she was pretty sure that the redhead would be home. She had not counted on the blue-eyed woman getting called out, but that was why she called the mobile phone. She was glad that she finally got an answer. It had not taken much effort for her to get both numbers.

"Oh," Ann said. She sounded somewhat surprised, but there was also a negative undertone in her one word response. The short reply let the martial artist on the phone know her feelings toward Shego.

"Yes, I know she's not the most likeable person on the planet, but the reason I'm calling is that I was hoping our families could meet each other. Our daughters have been together for some years now and I thought it would be nice for us to all get to know each other," Isabel explained.

Together, Ann scoffed mentally. That Shego woman was dragging her daughter and referring to her as a pet, as if Kim was some kind of animal. They were not "together" in any normal sense of the word as far as she could tell. She did not think that it was accurate to call them "together" either. It was a bit insulting to try to make it seem like the relationship was equal or normal.

"Should I take your silence as a decline?" Isabel inquired curiously. She would not be surprised if the woman wanted nothing to do with the Gooding family considering the impressions that her daughter tended to leave people with. They had actually been banned from a few places because of Shego's attitude; all right, fine, it was not Shego alone, but if bans were tallied in the Gooding family, she would have the most under her belt. So, considering that the Possible family had met her daughter already, she believed that there was a chance they never wanted to see Shego again and might even think that the rest of the Gooding family was the same as she was.

"No, I would like to meet your family," Ann admitted. She wanted to know what kind of people could raise a woman that was pulling her daughter around as a pet. She was not sure how the woman on the other line might behave, but she was actually considering that Isabel was probably not a good mother. She did not like being judgmental, but something or someone had to be the cause for Shego's mindset and behavior.

"All right. I have a meeting place in mind if that's all right with you. It's easier to force Shego out of hiding with a specific place to torment her in mind," Isabel remarked in light tone.

"Where do you have in mind?"

Isabel stated the location that she wanted the families to gather. She gave directions once Ann agreed. She also spoke to Ann for a little longer trying to assure the doctor that Shego was really not as bad as she pretended to be, especially when it came to Kim. Ann was not sure if she believed that since Shego was the one keeping her daughter as a pet out of everything that Kim could have been to her.

"You really need to understand that Shego is a complicated creature when it comes to relationships and that's probably why she came up with this little thing with calling Kim a pet. It's just easier for her when things don't seem as serious as they truly are. They're really close," Isabel tried to assure the doctor.

"I'm sure," Ann muttered.

The brain surgeon had no doubt that the pair was close. They had to be close for Kim to agree to be the woman's pet, but that did not discount the fact that her daughter was being referred to as a pet. It was like Kim was little more than an animal there for Shego's amusement and she just could not believe that her child had agreed to be such a thing. She doubted that there was anything in the world that Isabel could say that would make her feel more comfortable about Kim and Shego's so-called relationship.

Her daughter was Kim Possible for crying out loud. She doubted that Shego or Isabel had any clue as to how brilliant and capable her child was. Her daughter saved lives all of the time. She was a hero in several senses of the word. She was actually a genius, even if she did not want to admit it, and there it was Shego was keeping her as a pet.

Ann could not understand why her child had even agreed to such a thing. She could not believe that Kim even entertained agreeing to such a thing. Yes, Kim had explained it all, but it still did not make any sense. Why would Kim agree to be a pet? Why not just pay the woman back for her kindness by being kind in return and be the pale woman's friend? Did she really have to agree to be a pet of all things?

"Are you still there?" Isabel asked because of the silence.

"Yes," Ann answered.

"Perhaps I am being a pest," the middle-aged martial artist commented. She had no desire to try to speak with a woman that did not want to speak with her.

"No, not at all," the redhead replied. She did want to get to know Shego's mother with the hope that she might come to understand the woman that her own daughter was acting so strangely for.

"I suppose then you're skeptical on the things I have said."

"You make it all sound so innocent."

"I've come to understand that it is just that," Isabel replied. She really did not see much wrong with their daughters' relationship. Sure, there was the one time that Shego dragged it a bit far and had Kim on the leash, but as far as she knew that was a short-lived experiment and Kim did not seem to mind. Other than that, she thought that the girls had a rather good and sweet relationship with Kim bringing Shego some much needed emotional support and Shego taking care of the slender redhead by providing her with food and shelter. They even looked cute together.

"How can it be innocent? She's calling Kim a pet and Kim is going along with it, like she's a dog or something. That's not innocent. That's just wrong," Ann argued. She was angry that Isabel was trying to make it seem all right for Shego to be treating her daughter as a pet. It was not all right and it was not cute. It was degrading.

"Just because you don't agree with something doesn't make it wrong," the graying woman pointed out. She would have thought that the mother of Kim Possible was a little more open-minded, but then again, she had to take into account the doctor's daughter was the one being called a pet.

"I know that, but this is wrong. Kim isn't some dog or monkey. She's a person, a damn brilliant person if I may so myself. I mean, you might not know, but she graduated high school when she was fifteen and she was scouted by some of the best schools not just in the country, but from all over the world. She shouldn't be playing a pet. She should be curing diseases or improving life in some way," Ann stated soundly.

"Hmm…" Isabel hummed curiously. "I was under the impression that she was doing rather well while living with my little firefly. I have heard that she's done great things with antivenin for snake bites. I am to understand that she's collecting degrees like they're baseball cards. I've seen quite a bit of her photographic work. I am also to understand that she's about to publish a children's book to help familiarize them with cold-blooded creatures."

"That's beside the point."

"Is it?" Isabel asked curiously. The argument against Kim being a pet seemed to be that she was not living up to her potential, but it really seemed that she was doing just that while living with Shego.

"Yes. She's a pet," Ann said.

"I suppose no matter what she does, you can always counter with that and downplay what she does. But, perhaps you just need to see them together."

"I have seen them together," Ann replied. There was something condescending about Isabel, the doctor thought. She seemed to act like she knew everything in the neurosurgeon's opinion and it was rather annoying.

"Oh, well, I suppose that does sort of slaughter my argument," Isabel commented with a bit of a laugh. Okay, maybe she was not so condescending, Ann considered.

"No, go ahead," the redhead conceded.

She wanted to hear Isabel out. Maybe Isabel would come to something that could make Ann more comfortable with what was going on with their daughters. After all, she knew that Kim was not going to quit being Shego's pet considering the fact that the slim hero had left with Shego when they had come to the house, even though Ann and James had tried to talk her out of it.

Isabel continued on, trying to convince the doctor that their daughters were in an "innocent" relationship. Ann thought that other woman sort of downplayed things and tried to make the relationship sound normal. The relationship was anything but normal. Kim was a pet for crying out loud.

--------------

Shego stared at the house phone as it rang. She was tempted to answer it just out of curiosity, but she reminded herself that nothing good ever happened when she answered the house phone. No good came from the calls that were delivered by that demonic device, she told herself as it continued to go off. Fine, it was decided that she was not going to answer it because nothing good ever came from it.

"Shego, are you going to get that?" Kim asked, sticking her head out of the loft. She was going through more of her photographs for a nature magazine publishing. It surprised her at how often she got calls about her photographs. Sometimes, she wondered if people knew about her work with reptiles beyond her pictures of them.

"I guess," the pale woman sighed and she picked up the phone, even though she knew she that she was going to regret doing that. "Yo," she said into the receiver.

"Hello, firefly," Isabel greeted her beloved daughter.

Shego frowned; nothing good ever came from answering the damned house phone! Why did she even have a fucking house phone? It was like she was begging for something annoying to happen by having the damn phone plugged in and everything. If the call was important, surely it would come to her cell long before a person thought to call her house.

"What do you want, Mommy?" the super-powered female inquired in an exceptionally irked tone.

"Nothing much, aside for a family get-together," the older woman answered in a light tone, as if she knew that her response would not please her daughter and she was just tickled about getting on her child's nerves.

"Yeah, well, you all go ahead and get together then," Shego remarked. She did not see why her mother insisted on her presence at damn family functions that the woman knew she hated. It was like her mother was just pushing her until she had to kill one of her brothers…or if she went for the twins, killing two of her brothers.

"You too," Isabel ordered.

"Why me too?" Shego demanded to know. Why could her mother not just leave her in Go City to forget that she even had brothers? Was that just too much to ask?

"Because I said so," Isabel replied. Why did they have to go through the same dance every time that she called with the idea of getting together? It was fun and everything, but she wished that her daughter would at least change the dance every now and then.

"Mommy, I'm—" the green-skinned woman tried to object to the plan.

"Coming. So, go pack your things and get Princess ready," Isabel commanded in a stern tone.

"Where are we going?" Shego sighed. Why even fight it? Her mother was going to nag her until she got her way anyway. The pale woman listened to her mother as Isabel informed her where they were all meeting up and then she hung up the phone. "Pumpkin," Shego called.

"Yeah?" Kim replied.

"Pull out some beach gear for yourself."

"Beach gear?" Kim echoed. She knew that her master had problems with temperature, but surely she noticed that it was not the time for beach gear yet. So, just what the hell was Shego going on about?

"Yeah, beach gear. Apparently, we're flying south for the weekend."

"South?" the redhead parroted in a perplexed tone. She was a little confused and then she realized why the spur-of-the-moment idea came up. "That was your mother on the phone, wasn't it?" she asked. Only Isabel could have her and her master suddenly going on a trip together from a simple phone call.

"It doesn't matter who it was. Get some beach gear together."

Kim sighed; she wanted to get her photos together while she had the time. "Could you do it for me?" she whined.

Shego made an irked noise, which the redhead took as confirmation. It was a good to be the lazy pet, she thought. She continued going through her pictures while Shego went to pack the things that they were going to need.

Another family weekend, the emerald-eyed woman mentally sighed. Shego considered wounding herself to get out of it, but knowing her mother, she would still force Shego to show up somehow. Isabel always needed to have her way and her way involved always wanting her daughter at family functions.

----(New day)

The Gooding and Possible families showed up almost at the same time at the tropical, beach front location that Isabel suggested. It was odd that they had all arrived at nearly the same moment considering the fact that the whole Gooding family came separately, aside for the twins anyway. Kim was shocked when she caught sight of her family. Shego cut her mother a glare, damning the woman with her gaze as she noticed the Possibles. She knew that her mother was responsible for the mess that they were going to undoubtedly get into.

"Mom, Dad, what are you doing here?" Kim asked as she went to greet them with a hug each, even though she was a bit anxious with them being there.

The slim hero wished that she had not worn her "Kimmie" collar because she was aware that they were touchy about her relationship with Shego, although that relationship was very hard to define now. She just knew that they would not take the sight of her in a collar very well. She hoped that they did not say anything about it. The last thing that she wanted to do was to have a repeat conversation as to why she was Shego's pet and everything. She was only going to tell them the same thing that she already said if they asked about it, which would be a waste.

"Shego's mother invited us," Ann answered the question as to what they were doing there.

"Yeah, big surprise there," Shego muttered sarcastically. If her mother managed to fuck things up for her, Shego was going to seriously fight and hurt the older woman. Not to mention never speak to her again.

Kim's parents quickly noticed that she was wearing a collar. She had put it on because it matched perfectly with her tee-shirt. They did not outwardly react to the sight, but they did cut Shego a pair of rapid glances. If looks could kill, Shego would have dropped dead on the spot after the glances. The doctors could not believe that their brilliant little Kimmie-cub was acting as pet for Shego complete with a collar. They wished that their little girl would just get away from Shego and come back home to start over or set out on her own. Just as long as she got away from the pale green woman, they would feel a lot better.

The families took a minute to introduce themselves to each other. The twins from both families quickly hit it off, each pair grinningly telling the other "your sister is hot," which seemed to break the ice for them. The older folks in the groups chose to ignore the twins; at least they were getting along, even though they seemed to be having a debate on whose sister was hotter. The others turned their attention to where they would be spending the weekend, a manor house that overlooked a private white sand beach. It was also surrounded by some forest, which caught Kim's attention.

"So, Mommy, how much did this place cost?" Shego inquired.

"Not as much as you'd think," Isabel replied.

"Try me," Jason commented as he stared at the house. He wondered how much money his wife had stashed away for her to be able to afford such a place without telling him about it.

"It was actually a trade. I gave up a house that you wouldn't know about for this one," Isabel answered.

"Why'd you take it?" Shego inquired. It was not a bad house, but it seemed little large for her mother's taste. When Isabel got hideaway homes, they tended to be modest sized structures enough for one to three people. They were usually some place where Isabel could be alone. She might take Shego or the twins to the places every now and then, but it was rare for her to let the whole family come to one of her secret homes.

"My friend wanted to get the place off of his hands quickly and I didn't use the house that I gave him anyway. I don't like the scene that sprang up around the little place, but he liked it and all of the land," the middle-aged martial artist replied.

"Why would he trade houses?" Kim wondered out loud. It seemed a little decadent to her and she was about to find out that it was just that.

"His wife figured out that he used to bring his mistress here, so he wanted to get rid of the place as quickly as he could before his wife thought to search the place or pay a surprise visit," Isabel informed them in a slightly amused tone.

"You weren't the mistress, were you?" Jason inquired with an arched eyebrow. He certainly had a few people's attention with that question.

"Don't be silly, dearest," Isabel replied with a dismissively laugh. "Now, let's go take a look inside. Hopefully, it's as nice as out here."

The families stepped into the house and looked around. The place was huge, much bigger than any other house Isabel had the whole family come to. She was glad that the place was so large because it would comfortably fit both families and that was what she wanted. Perhaps, if everything went well, they would all be back at the house in the future.

They all stared around the manor and noticed all of the woodworks. The floors were hardwood and there was no carpet anywhere as far as they could tell. There were a couple of marble statues, but more a taxidermist haven than anything else that they had ever seen. There were deer heads on the walls, posed small animals, and even a whole bear standing in the lobby corner.

"I'm guessing the forests surrounding the place are pretty empty thanks to this guy," Kim commented while looking at all of the dead animals decorating the house.

"I suppose you'll be redecorating," Shego said, as if she was taunting her mother.

"I should've told him to take everything with him that he didn't want because I damn sure don't want this shit," Isabel replied.

"That'll teach you to trade houses," the green-skinned officer said smugly.

"Cool! There's a pool!" both sets of twins howled as they went to the side doors.

"So the hell what?" Shego said just to rain on their parade. She knew that it was not her brothers' first time being in a house with a pool and she doubted that it was the Possible twins' first time either. So, they were being annoying in her opinion.

"You're in an exceptional mood today," Isabel noted.

"You're pulling some exceptional shit today," Shego countered while cutting her eyes to Kim's parents.

Isabel shrugged. "I do try, although you might want to use this opportunity since it is here," she commented and then turned her attention to the other young ones of the group. "Well, you guys should go pick some rooms. You youngsters can take the west wing and we'll take the east wing," she informed everyone.

"I get the feeling the east wing is the better wing," Shego commented.

"Just go pick a room and stop acting like you don't want to be here."

"I don't want to be here!" Shego pointed out in a snarl.

Isabel did not seem to be put off by the outburst, even though it did catch almost everyone else's attention. She was very used to her daughter's attitude, which was why she did not react. She merely turned her attention Kim. Her daughter did not like where things were going on already.

"Hey, Pumpkin," Isabel said to Kim.

"Yes, ma'am?" Kim replied.

"There is a room in the west wing with not only a balcony, but its own bathroom with a hot tub. If you don't act quickly, one of the boys might get it first," Isabel informed the petite hero.

Shego gave her mother a look that clearly stated that she hated the older woman because they both knew what was going to happen thanks to that information. Kim grabbed her mistress by the hand and yanked her away for them to get that room before one of the boys and it was a race because both sets of twins now wanted the room, if only to get on their sisters' nerves. Mego joined in just to join in and hopefully get some recognition. Hego went off to scold everyone for running in the house. What a spaz, they all thought in regards to Hego as he reprimanded them.

"You certainly know how to clear a room," Ann remarked dryly.

"It's a gift. We should probably go pick rooms before the fighting starts and we have to save some people," Isabel commented.

"Wally, I will fucking kill you!" they heard Shego holler.

"Fuck off!" was the redheaded twins' response.

"Well, apparently, the fighting's already started," Isabel said while glancing up the stairs as more noise began to make its way down to them.

"Move it, tweebs!" Kim was now heard.

"Make us!" the Possible twins retorted.

"It must be very a very nice room," Ann said while trying to ignore all of the banging noises coming from upstairs. She wanted to be confident that as somewhat mature adults, none of the kids would seriously hurt each other.

"Yes, so I hear. The funny thing is that as I understand it, there are five very similar rooms," Isabel remarked.

Ann held in her desire to laugh. She wanted very much to dislike Isabel, but it was a hard thing to do. She did not understand how such a woman could have raised someone like Shego. Isabel was almost the opposite of Shego. She was pleasant, almost laidback, and friendly. Shego was none of those things as far as Ann could tell.

The parents all walked off to choose their own rooms. They could vaguely hear all of their offspring going at it for that one room, even though they were on the other side of the house. They wondered how long it would take them to figure out that there was more than the one room. Isabel doubted that that would stop the fighting anyway. After all, her kids did not care if something was identical; they always wanted the one that they saw first. She just hoped no one was seriously injured.

--------------

"And stay the hell out!" Shego ordered as she flung Walter out of the room. He landed on Wallace and they both groaned. Shego slammed the door to the room.

"Sis is rough," Walter muttered while holding the back of his head, hoping that would help ease some of the pain.

"Totally," Wallace agreed. Their new friends, Jim and Tim, were also laid out in the hall. Mego was also out there, flattened nearby. Poor Hego had withdrawn in tears after his decidedly evil sister kicked him in the nuts extremely hard. She had warned him what was coming beforehand, but he did not seem to take her seriously and now he was bluer in the face than usual.

Shego leaned again the closed doors and sighed. She was glad for an excuse to beat her brothers up, but it was still irksome. They were such idiots and she had a sneaking suspicion that they always would be.

The moss-hued officer looked around the inside of the room. Kim was out on the large balcony, looking out onto the beach; she had been happy for an excuse to beat her brothers up too, although she was not as rough on the tweebs as Shego was on her brothers. The pale woman joined her and wrapped her arms around the slender redhead to further enjoy the view.

Maybe the weekend would not be so bad, Shego considered as she nuzzled her face in Kim's neck. After all, she had her little monster with her and there was a scenic, romantic setting before them. Things could not be all that bad if she felt so at peace at the moment.

--------------

Next time: a couple (or more) problems pool side.


	55. Gag Fifty Five: Wipeout

I don't own these characters and I don't own this premise.

Warning, there are five chapters left.

Gag Fifty-five: Wipeout

_I get the feeling that my evil ass mother actually had good intentions when she called me out here with Princess, knowing full well that the Possible family was going to be here too. But, I don't really give a damn about that, especially considering you know what they say about good intentions and the road to Hell. I know she wants me to try to make them okay with their daughter being with me, but she's not being realistic. Their daughter is my pet and parents just aren't going to be cool with that. I wish she would've just left it alone instead of forcing us to come here and reminding them of something they probably don't even want to think about. _

The Possible and Gooding families were lounging by the pool of Isabel's new vacation home, which was where they were all going to spend the weekend. Isabel was hoping that the families could get along because of the daughters. She wanted everyone to bond and maybe they would all be able to get along and get together some other time. Everyone was around the pool, trying to get to know each other. It was somewhat working.

The pairs of twins were getting along, despite the age difference between them. Apparently, being twins trumped everything. They also had desires to get on their older sisters' nerves, which helped trump anything that the twin thing might have missed. So, they were all cool with each other already. Jim and Tim seemed to even understand Walter and Wallace's strange notion that they were actually one person.

Hego and Mego were more keeping to themselves than anything else. They were actually being excluded by the twins, who were just having fun interacting each other. The twins were not looking to let the other guys join in their antics because they were not looking to hear Hego's mouth and the redheaded twins knew that Mego was just trying to conform, which they believed was annoying.

Mego knew better than to go pester his sister to occupy his time. Shego had no problem with hurting him very badly with their parents right in view and he was not up for any pain at the moment. He did not really know Kim well to consider hanging around her, so he was on his own.

Hego had attempted to hang around the parents, but Isabel shooed him away. He had hoped that his father would stick up for him, but Isabel had had her way in the end. She did not want him butting him when the conversation that she knew was coming came up because it really was not any of Hector's business. So, he was just wading around in the pool with nothing better to do. He hoped that his father would call for his assistance sometime soon.

Kim was sitting by the pool side with her legs hanging in the water. She had been planning to do some swimming, but a funny thing happened as she was going through her bag for a swimsuit. She had come across one of her ball puzzles that she had brought with her to put together on the plane. She would have left it alone if only it had not rolled right off the bed and broke open. The pieces had splashed around the room and she just had to start putting it back together; Shego made a remark about her being obsessive-compulsive with her need to put the puzzle back together. So, now she was sitting by the pool and putting the ball puzzle together. She had less than half of the sphere reassembled; the loose pieces were in a small plastic bowl next to her.

Shego was sunbathing and reading a book. Well, it appeared that she was reading a book. She could have been sleeping or she could have been watching her pet, but no one would know because she had on dark sunglasses. She did not want anyone to know if she was asleep or awake, so they would not bother her.

A couple of yards from the super-powered crank, the parents were all sitting together. They were really the main ones looking to get to know each other. The doctors Possible were trying to understand what kind of home Shego came from while Isabel was hoping to ease their apprehensions about her daughter. She would have known that they were discomforted about Kim being with Shego, even if they did not know that Kim was Shego's pet. No one would probably want their upstanding offspring with Shego because of the impression that the green-skinned woman left.

"So, what do you think of these girls being together?" Jason asked the doctors right off the bat. They did not really get into any small talk, which Isabel knew was coming and that was why she forced Hego away.

"Dearest," Isabel scolded her husband's bluntness. And people thought that Shego got it from her.

"What? I'm sure they don't approve. Maybe they can talk some sense into their daughter since ours is hell bent on doing the wrong thing like she always does," Jason argued.

"There's nothing wrong with what they're doing," Isabel countered.

"Don't you think there's something wrong with what our daughters are doing?" Jason asked the Possibles to get some support for once.

"Well, I wouldn't say wrong…" James answered hesitantly. Sure, he did not agree with the choices his Kimmie-cub had made in regards to her personal life, but he would not go so far to say that she was wrong.

"So, you're all right with our daughters being involved as they are? With your daughter being a pet?" Jason inquired in an incredulous tone. What kind of man was James Possible if the doctor was seriously okay with what their daughters were doing, he wondered.

"Well…no," James replied.

"I didn't think so. That's your little girl, after all, being put in a collar and dragged around on a leash like an animal," Jason stated.

"Leash?" James and Ann echoed. They had not heard anything about leashes being involved. Did their daughter really allow Shego to pull her around on a leash? Hopefully not because of she did, well, what else did she allow Shego to do to her? Their minds began to come up with all sorts of things that Shego might be doing to their Kimmie-cub.

"Jason, stop blowing things out of proportion and taking them out of context," Isabel ordered her husband, even though he was not blowing things out of proportion. But, he was taking things out of context and trying to paint a very horrible picture to get the Possibles on his side.

"Shego had our daughter on a leash?" Ann asked in disbelief.

"It isn't something that I can explain because I don't know why they were doing it. Kim hadn't objected, I can tell you that much. It seemed something like a joke to me. I can also tell you that I'm thankful Shego has Kim in her life because Kim is very special to her. I doubt that Shego has or will ever love someone as much as she does Kim. Unfortunately, she's a weird one and it does take a lot to get into her world. It seems that Kim found the loophole that easily got her through the door," Isabel remarked.

"By being her pet? That's just ridiculous," Ann argued. She could not believe that her daughter was letting someone put her in a collar and on a leash. How could Kim just be okay with that? It was as if the girl had lost her pride and self-respect.

"I suppose so, but Kim doesn't seem to think so and she's a rather bright kid. She seems really happy with Shego. I'm sure if she wasn't happy or didn't agree with what was happening, she would've left a long time ago," Isabel reasoned.

The Possibles nodded in agreement to that one. They were fairly certain that if Shego did anything that Kim did not agree with, the trim hero would have fled the pale woman's company a long time ago. That thought did not make it any easier to come to grips with the fact that their daughter was acting as Shego's pet.

"Besides, they might say 'pet,' but it's probably because Shego can't utter the word girlfriend because as far as she's concerned, she's been straight since before Kim came into her life," the middle-aged martial artist added as if she was amused.

"Your daughter turned our daughter gay," Jason said in an accusing tone. It was something that he had a problem with. Kim was a bad influence on Shego as far as he was concerned and he wanted the girl's parents to take her away from his daughter. He figured that Shego would go back to dating men if Kim was gone.

"What?" the doctors said in offended tones because of his voice. First of all, the man sounded rather insulting and they took pride in their daughter, despite the things that she did. They were still a bit sensitive about Kim's sexuality and they did not really like having it brought up.

"Jason," Isabel hissed. Here it was, she was attempting to bring everyone together and he was trying to piss off the people that she wanted to be comfortable. If he kept things up, they were going to get into an argument and the whole reason for the weekend trip was going to be lost.

"Don't try to blame Kimmie if your daughter turned out to be a lesbian," James argued. The very idea, he thought heatedly. It was not Kim's fault if Shego was actually a homosexual.

"My daughter was just fine before yours showed up," Jason huffed. Fine, so he was lying a bit. Shego had not been fine, but at least she had not been interesting in girls or putting collars on females or tugging girls around on leashes before Kim came around. To him, all of that was Kim's fault and she made Shego even worse. Shego was pretty much a degenerate in his opinion because of Kim.

The parents were drawing attention to themselves because of their argument's rising volume. Well, they were sort of attracting attention. Shego glanced over at them once and decided that she did not care about what they were going on about, even though she knew that it had something to do with her and her munchkin. Kim could hear the noise, but it was not her business, so she did not pay them any mind. Besides, she believed that she had lost a piece of her puzzle, which would drive her crazy if it was true. Her mind was fixed on puzzle solving and if that piece was gone, she would not be able to finish her task. She would not be able to handle that.

The males of the group had noticed the argument too. Hego was very interested and wished that he could jump in, but he knew that his mother would not enjoy that. He remained focusing on the debate, though just in case there was a point where he could enter and help out. Mego was looking into the argument just because he was bored and he would have liked to get into it, just for the attention. The two sets of twins noticed the argument, but they had more interesting plans going on.

Wally were making moves on Kim since she seemed so distracted. They were silently wading in the water next where she was, still concentrating heavily on her puzzle it seemed. They set themselves up right in front of her and began grinning like mad. Dear, sweet lord in heaven, she was sexy, they thought. They were glad that their sister found her, although they wish that they had been the ones to come across Kim first. Maybe she would have willingly worn a collar and leash for them.

"Wally, I know there are two of you behind me and if you try to push me into the pool or possibly even steal my top, it won't end well," Kim promised them without trying her eyes off of her puzzle.

"Behind you? How's that?" Walter asked innocently.

"When we're right here," Wallace pointed out, just as innocently.

"And there are two of you behind me," Kim added. "Now, you can go ahead and throw your plan into action, but it's going to really piss off your big sister."

Walter and Wallace seemed to think on the matter. Their sister would probably slaughter them if they went ahead with their plan, which was to pull Kim's bikini top off and push her in the pool because they were certain the sight of her being topless and wet would be the highlight of their week. If only she was wearing the collar too, they thought, but she had taken it off when she changed into her swimsuit. They would probably be having wet dreams of her for the rest of their lives if she had on the collar and their plan succeeded.

So, was Kim topless and wet worth their sister's wrath? They would pay twice that for Kim being topless and wet. Well, it seemed like they were going to die that day, they conceded, but at least they were going to go out to a grand sight.

The Wally clones behind Kim went for the bikini strap and Kim swiftly leaped out of the way just in time to avoid losing her top. The clones gasped in a surprise and fell off balance. Wally yelled as they noticed that their copies were about to crash into them. There was a big splash as they hit the pool and Kim landed safely on the pool deck.

"You guys really need to keep your hands to yourself," the redheaded hero remarked with a taunting smile and a teasing wink.

The ruby-eyed twins pouted. Shego watched the scene unfold and felt rather proud of her girl, especially since Kim made her brothers look like morons. It seemed like she was going to have to return that favor too, considering the fact that she could tell someone was behind her and the Possible twins were nowhere in sight. Was it just that the Possible siblings were all lechers or was it that twins in general were lechers?

"Boys, I don't know your scheme here, but just remember I know two dozen forms of martial arts and can do this," Shego commented and she ignited her hands to warn the boys to back off.

Jim and Tim were just enjoying the view of Shego from behind for a moment or two, but they did have the notion in their heads to yank her top. They had gotten the idea from the other twins. They had put their genius together, not that it was ever separated, and they could not come up with anything because they had no props at hand to build something to serve their purposes. They decided to just go with running by her and snatching it. They figured with both of them, they would snap the straps. They also had it in their heads that because they were very good athletes, they might even get away. No guts, no glory, they decided.

The pair went for it after they moved from behind her. Shego fell back into her chair as the boys came at her, so the boys missed her top and just ran by her. She slid out of the lounge chair and picked it up as they came to a halt. She supposed that it was good that she had her chair situated parallel to the pool because of the next move that she was going to make. They turned back to her as she swung the chair at them. They gulped as the seat impacted them and forced them into falling into the pool. She let go of the chair, so it sank with them for a moment.

"Spanking!" Kim cheered when she saw her brothers hit the water thanks to the efforts of her totally cool mistress.

"Shego!" Isabel called when she saw that her daughter was starting trouble.

"What?" Shego practically snarled.

"What in the world are you doing?" Isabel inquired.

"I'm trying my damnedest to not get molested," the daughter answered.

"What?"

"Yeah, you heard me. Whose bright idea was it to come and sit by the damn pool?" Shego huffed. She and Kim were just dressed to get preyed upon by the pair of twins around the house.

"Stop being so crabby. It's a beautiful damn day, perfect for sitting by the pool," Isabel argued.

"To hell with the pool!" Shego declared and she stomped back toward the house. She actually would have liked to continue sunbathing, but she did not want to be ogled or bothered by the Possible twins. She also did not want her lustful brothers eye-humping her Kimmie.

"Way to go, tweebs," Kim said and her brothers smiled. "And stop looking at Shego. She's mine," the olive-eyed female informed her little brother with a smile on her face.

"It's not illegal to look," Jim replied.

"Or grab," Tim added. He would not mind grabbing just about anything on that curvy body and his brother would have been right there with him.

"You do and I'll tell your girlfriends," Kim threatened them before going after Shego. She figured that she could keep her owner company while continuing to piece together her ball puzzle. The twins rolled their eyes and then turned to the match-headed twins.

"Your sister is so hot!" the four boys said to each other.

The parents could hardly believe what was going on. They all quietly decided that the last thing that their twins needed was another set of twins encouraging them. The four boys already seemed bad for each other's health because they gave each other ideas, obviously bad ideas.

The parents turned back to each other since there was no more commotion going on between their offspring. They returned to their argument of Kim turning Shego gay. They tuned the volume down a bit that time around.

Isabel was not much in favor of the debate because she really did not care if Shego was a lesbian or bisexual or whatever the hell she was. Kim and Shego made each other happy and that was enough for her. She could understand the doctors Possible feeling differently because their daughter was the one considered a pet and Shego was not at all sweet and adorable or likable like Kim was. Isabel decided to add her last piece and then call it a day.

The middle-aged martial artist did want to help her daughter, but she did not see herself being able to do that if Jason was going to act so much like himself. She was not sure how to make the Possible parents comfortable if Jason was going to go around blaming Kim for the relationship that she was having with Shego. They did seem rather offended by the argument that Jason was making, after all.

"You know, I think you should talk to Shego if you're worried in any way about your daughter. If you think Kim hasn't made a good decision, just go talk to Shego and find out what you can about their relationship. It isn't as bad as you might assume," Isabel commented and that was it. She was just going to lie there in her lounge chair now.

Ann decided to take that into consideration. They had not spoken to Shego at length before, not counting a few conversations that they held at the barbeque when they had first met her. They had only made assumptions about her. The neurosurgeon also realized that it seemed that with the way they were looking at the relationship, it was like she did not trust Kim or her decisions.

Every time that Kim did come to some conclusion about what she wanted in her life, her parents always second-guessed her. They second-guessed her about her college decisions, or telling her what career decisions to make, or her choice in partners now. Hell, they barely accepted her sexual preferences; James slightly did not understand her sexual preferences. Everything about Kim, they just always acted like they knew what was better for her, even if they did not do it in a harsh manner.

--------------

Ann strolled by the den of the large house and noticed Shego in the room, watching television. The redhead thought that it would be a good time to speak with the pale woman since she seemed to be alone. So, Ann entered the den and sat down in an arm chair across from Shego, where she could see that the moss-hued woman was not alone. Kim was sleeping on the sofa with her head in Shego's lap as usual.

Ann was surprised by the sight. She had never seen her daughter rest against someone. The younger redhead looked so at peace and unguarded, which was so unlike Kim. She decided not to address that issue for the moment.

"Hey, Missus Possible. Or is it Doctor Possible?" Shego inquired, knowing that the idea of calling the woman by her first name was out of the question now that she knew the nature of the relationship between Kim and Shego. She had expected a talking sooner or later from one of the doctors. She also expected to be told to let Kimmie go, not that she would obey such an order.

"Either is fine," Ann replied.

"Figured as much. What can I do for you?" Shego asked, as if she did not know.

"I was hoping that we could talk."

"Figured as much on that one too."

"I want to understand this thing a little better. I just…I just want to know why you call her your pet. You don't really mean it that way, do you? You don't seriously put her on a leash and act like she's a dog or something, right? You don't force her to wear a collar, right? I mean, you don't truly treat my little girl like a dog, do you?" Ann seemed to beg to know.

Shego was not sure how she should answer the questions. Her first instinct was to be snippy about thing or at the very least lie, but she doubted that she could do that to Kim's mother. The woman was just worried about Kim, which was something that she could understand and relate to. She worried about Kim all of the time, after all.

She also thought about how her mother might react if she was someone's pet, not that it would ever happen. Her mother would undoubtedly want to know everything about the relationship and to be assured that she was not being mistreated or abused in any way. She was going to have to make Missus Possible that way in order to make sure the woman did not try to convince Kim to leave her. She was not sure if she was going to be able to do that, though. After all, she was not accustomed to seriously explaining herself or trying to put someone at ease.

"It was…it started out as a joke. When I first came across Kim, I just helped her out a bit out of guilt or something like that. Hell, I don't really know why I helped her, but I did. And then I just wanted to get rid of her, but it felt like she wouldn't leave. I mean, I left for work, came back home, and she was still there. I offered her the spot as my pet, hoping that she'd yell at me for being such a damn sicko, but she accepted and I did start treating her like a pet. I really just treated her like a pet. Maybe like a house cat or something. Before I knew it though, she grew on me and I ended up needing her. It's just hard…it's hard for me to admit, even to myself that I need someone. It doesn't help that Kim acts like a nut around me and I just can't believe I need someone like her. I mean, if I saw the Kim you're used to, I probably wouldn't recognize her. She's just all over the place with me and somehow that works. I don't know why, but it does," Shego explained as best she could.

"But, you didn't really answer my questions, except for admitting that you do treat her like a pet, like an animal," Ann pointed out.

"Well, I don't force her to wear the collar. She likes wearing them because she likes being different. Yes, I brought the collars for her, but it was just because I wanted to convince myself that she wasn't someone important to me. At one point, I did go so far as to put her on a leash and she let me. I was just trying my best to convince myself that she was only a pet and I didn't care about her like I knew I did. I didn't want to care about her as anything more than a pet. I was straight and I guess I didn't want to find myself in a homosexual relationship, even though I was actually already in one," Shego answered.

She had loved Kim for a long time, Shego realized. She had loved the girl long before she acknowledged or even realized it. Maybe it had not been a romantic love or an erotic love as it was now, but it was still something that she had never experienced before. It was a love that seemed to make her life as it should be, as it needed to be.

"So, you don't treat her like a dog?" the redhead asked in a hopeful tone.

The raven-haired woman thought on that for a moment. She would not say that she treated Kim like a dog, even though she still had the girl do some rather ridiculous things for her own amusement. She supposed that she used to treat Kim something like a dog. She had recently had the experience of being treated how she treated Kim, so she guessed that she had treated Kim like a pet. She just did not think that she treated Kim badly.

"I used to treat Kim like what she was and she was my pet," the pale woman answered. She did not want to go into detail, as she already felt like she spilled a lot to a woman that did not even like her, more than she had told anyone aside for Kim and Betty. She just wanted the doctor to know that Kim was in good hands so that she did not try to take Kim away.

"And now?" Ann pressed.

Shego thought on that now and she subconsciously began petting Kim, who turned in her sleep and cuddled up close to her mistress. The girl went so far as to wrap her arms around her mistress' waist, but she remained asleep. Kim had gone out into the woods surrounding the manor after they left the pool and it was pretty much all over for her. Shego was glad that she had not gone out with the little redhead, but she imagined that Kim climbed every tree she saw, got excited over anything that moved, and explored anything that she could at least fit her hand in. It still amazed her at how Kim could wear herself if left on her own.

"Does she do that often?" Ann had to ask. She was referring to Kim sleeping in Shego's lap.

"All the time," the green-skinned female answered.

Ann could not believe it. First of all, she could not remember Kim taking naps, ever. Even when Kim was a toddler, she was wired and did not seem to believe in sleep. Kim was a mover and also independent to a fault, so it was shocking to see her so comfortably resting on someone as she was. Did Kim feel so at ease with Shego to act so differently with her?

"Look, Missus Possible, I know you don't like me. You're not the first person and I doubt you'll be the last to think I'm an asshole," Shego started.

"I never—" Ann tried to argue, but the pale woman interjected.

"I know you think I either brainwashed Kimmie or she's just gone off the deep end. I really don't know what to tell you—" Shego tried to say.

"Just tell me that you see her as a person and not an animal. Tell me you'll take the best care of her, that you love her, and that she's not your pet, but your lover," Ann urged the officer.

The neurosurgeon wanted to know that her daughter was with someone that would cherish her forever and love her unconditionally. She wanted to know that Shego understood how special Kim was and how deserving the girl was of deep, sincere love. Kim needed someone that understood her and loved her.

"Doc, you don't have to worry about your daughter while she's with me. Just trust her choices," Shego said.

Ann sighed because it seemed that she was not going to get what she wanted from Shego. She wanted the green-skinned woman to proclaim that she loved Kim and always would, but that was obviously not going to happen. Little did she know, but she had already gotten more out of the pale woman than anyone else did. She just wanted some assurance that her daughter was with someone who truly cared about her and would take care of her. She wanted Kim to be with someone who understood her. After all, she had noticed that her daughter had her problems when it came to relationships.

Ann noticed that Kim hardly spoke about having partners or if she did bring someone up, that person was a memory shortly after. Kim had once explained that she probably was not meant to be with anyone. Ann thought that her daughter had been joking, but Kim continued on explaining that it was hard for her to find someone willing to put up with her. Ann had not understood what Kim meant, but she forgot that she was used to her daughter. She forgot that Kim was not the average girl-next-door and maybe that did make things hard for her.

She glanced at Shego and wondered, did Kim settle for Shego or did the pale woman truly understand and accept Kim? Was Shego being sincere in her affections or was she really just happy to have a little human pet? She was not sure and was not sure that if she asked she would get a straight answer.

"Did she make the right choice?" Ann wondered and she stared at her daughter instead of asking out loud.

Kim was still knocked out and she snuggling her face in Shego's abdomen. The pale woman smiled softly to herself; if she had been aware of her expression, she would have wiped it off of her face since they had company. They did not look like master and pet.

The neurosurgeon got up and exited the den. She was going to think on Kim and Shego's relationship. There had to be something about things that she was missing, she was certain of that. She was going to try to look at the situation with new eyes or maybe even speak with Isabel to figure out what was going on and help her understand why her daughter was with Shego.

--------------

Next time: Ann and James watch Shego interact with Kim. Will it help ease their feelings toward the relationship or just make them further disagree?


	56. Gag Fifty Six: Watch and learn

I don't own these characters and I don't own this premise.

Four chapters to go.

Gag Fifty-six: Watch and learn

_I wonder if my parents are disappointed in me. I mean, I'm a person's pet and I know they don't like that. I don't know what to tell them or how to make them understand that I'm just happy with Shego and comfortable with her and she's the same with me. We just had to take a weird step to make it to where we are. I want them to understand that there's nothing wrong or even degrading going on. I don't know, maybe I'm just asking too much._

Ann went to sit with Isabel in a study in the big house. She was not too sure why she went to go hang out with Isabel, but it seemed like the thing to do after speaking with Shego a few minutes ago. Isabel was going through the books on the shelves in the room. She was tossing the tomes carelessly on the floor as if they were useless garbage. Ann craned an eyebrow, curious as to what the graying woman was doing.

"Why are you doing that?" Ann inquired.

Isabel sighed. "The man had no taste in literature and must've known it since he didn't take them with him. With luck, I can find someone dumb enough to buy them," she replied.

"So, you actually traded houses?"

"It's not the first time I've done it. One would think I'd learn better," Isabel remarked with a light laugh.

"Who are you?" Ann asked in a slightly baffled tone. She had never heard of people trading houses.

"Just an eccentric old woman."

"I remember Kim and her friend, Yori, speaking about you. Yori got all excited when Kim said your name, so I'm guessing you're a martial artist of some kind, but how does a martial artist get all of this?" Ann wondered out loud.

The brain surgeon might have understood if Isabel was a martial artist and a movie star or something like that. But, she had never heard of the woman. She had never seen a movie or show or anything advertising Isabel Gooding. She also noted that when Kim and Yori spoke of the woman, they never said a thing involving the mass media.

"You have to be creative and pretend you don't know the meaning of a lot of words, like 'illegal underground tournament' and things like that," Isabel answered.

"Criminal activity?" the redhead guessed.

"When you're young, it's only a crime if you get caught and they prove it," the graying woman replied with an amused smile.

Isabel was no saint, especially when she was younger. To her, if no one got hurt badly and she, along with either her little sister or Eleanor Director, made money then everything was all right. They participated in several illegal tournaments and when they were very young and extremely stupid as they looked at it, they even acted as bodyguards for all sorts of unsavory characters. When they were teenagers and in their early twenties, they used to do just about anything that involved showing off their crazy martial arts skills and allowed them to make money at the same time. They never really cared much about dangers and such. They eventually found a place that involved fighting and money without the serious dangers, Hollywood. They did a lot of training of action stars and fight choreography before branching out into whatever else their fighting or other interests led them to.

"How odd for your daughter to be a police officer, I suppose," Ann commented. She did not think much of Isabel doing illegal activities. Everyone had a story or two from when they were young and swore they knew everything there was to know about anything.

"Yes, if only you knew the road that she had to travel to make it there. She's a difficult one, doesn't like to listen to anyone," Isabel replied with a fond smile. She remembered trying to steer her daughter off the path that she had decided to walk when she was a teenager, but there was just no telling Shego anything. Shego was the type that had to find out for herself. "She likes to make her own mistakes and she makes plenty, but she bears through."

"An independent soul…" the neurosurgeon said.

"Much like your daughter," Isabel stated. She was fairly certain that there was no telling Kim anything either once she got it in her mind to do something. She more than likely just got different ideas on what to do compared to what Shego allowed to enter her mind.

"Kim is different," Ann argued.

"I think they're two sides of the same coin, which is probably why they need each other. Kim is a very independent, but a sweet girl. Shego's independent, but cranky as hell. Kim uses her vast skill and power selflessly while Shego uses them selfishly, even as a police officer. They are two daredevils that lacked something in their lives until they stumbled across each other. They fulfilled each other, eased the loneliness they both undoubtedly felt before they found each other. After all, there's no one in the world like them out there," Isabel said with understanding that Ann wished that she could possess.

"Perhaps," Ann conceded.

Kim had been with Shego longer than other potential partners that Ann knew of. In fact, only Kim closest friends had been in her life longer. She did take into account that Kim had brought Shego to the family cookout. It was like Kim was inviting Shego to join their family. Maybe she had to learn something more about Shego to understand and truly accept the relationship.

"You know, if you're still bothered by the relationship, maybe you should just watch them tonight. You don't know Shego as well as we do, so you probably won't be as shocked by her behavior. But, if you watch them, you get an idea of how happy they are together. I wish I could just assure you that Shego loves Kim more than anyone else ever will and she'll always take good care of your daughter," Isabel said to the doctor.

"Why can't she just say that?" Ann inquired.

"Because Shego likes to be difficult and she likes to be the bad girl. A bad girl can't fall in love with a little sweetheart like Kim," Isabel remarked with a small laugh.

Ann nodded. She silently admitted that from what Kim had told her, Shego was almost always good to her. Her daughter never really had anything bad to say about Shego or, if she did, it was rare and often done in a jokingly fashion. Whenever she reported on Shego, she seemed to try to control herself, not looking to get too excited, but Ann could almost hear it in her voice, like she was jumping up and down on the inside as she spoke. So, she wondered why it seemed as if she could not trust Kim's word.

Kim was a person that only did good in anything that she touched and, yet, Ann and James seemed to have trouble believing that Kim would be all right making her own decisions outside of their care. It was just because Kim was so…all over the place. They were actually frightened with what she might do with herself on her own, especially since they knew that she had once been a hobo. It was so hard to trust on her own, even though she seemed to do just fine.

--------------

Dinner was delivered to the house. They did not have enough food to prepare dinner for so many people. Isabel was planning to go out shopping in the morning for breakfast when she woke up. She thought that maybe she would be able to sucker Shego into helping with the morning meal. Maybe Ann could help out and they could all get to know each other that way. She would enlist Kim too, but she had heard that Kim's cooking skills were questionable unless noodles were involved.

There was a feeding frenzy over dinner as usual when the Gooding offspring were involved. The Possible twins were right in there with them, having a good old time trying not to lose a limb in grabbing for some boneless buffalo wings. Kim was trying to join in, mostly because she wanted to have three biscuits, but Shego was keeping her at bay while telling that she did not need that much bread. Kim begged to differ and began whining about it, much to her parents' surprise.

"You can cry about it well into the night, but you're not having that much bread," Shego informed the slender hero.

"Why not?" Kim inquired while trying to fight her way back into the mess, but her owner was holding her back. Damn it, she really wanted those biscuits.

"What do you mean 'why not'? Because I said so," the green-skinned female replied. Kim puffed out her cheeks. Shego was not affected. "Fix your face or I'll only put vegetables on your plate," the master threatened.

Kim went from inflated cheeks to puppy-dog pouting to the extreme. Shego did not seem to notice and fixed herself a plate along with her pet's plate. The redheaded hero eventually stopped moping since it was not getting her what she wanted for once.

The mistress and pet retreated to a nearby sofa in the adjoining room because Shego was not interested on sharing a table with her brothers or Kim's brothers. It was just too many brothers as far as she was concerned and Kim concurred. They sat down and then Shego realized that they did not have anything to drink with their meals. Kim knew that and requested the one thing that she knew she was not going getting, soda.

"What time is it, Princess?" Shego inquired.

"Hmm…not after nine," Kim replied.

"If I get you some soda, you're sleeping in the hall tonight. I'm not sitting up with while you're buzzing around the room all night," the pale woman commented.

"Don't I buzz around even when we enforce this rule?" the redhead pointed out.

"Now, you're having orange juice," Shego said.

"Why?" Kim whined as if she was in utter pain.

"Because you want to be a smart-ass," Shego pointed out.

"But, I was just pointing out a fact!" Kim slid off of the sofa. A tantrum was almost certain.

Shego fought the urge to laugh at her pet's behavior. She went to go get some drinks and noticed Kim's parents looking at her. She ignored the looks from them, thinking that it was nothing important. She retrieved a couple of sodas because she silently conceded that her pet had a point. No matter what she did, the little adventurer was wired all day. The only way that she could think of to get Kim to stop bouncing was to get her girl to stop taking naps, so she did not have the chance to recharge her batteries. If Kim stopped taking naps, it would mean much less petting, which was not an option in her opinion.

Ann and James did watch Shego interact with Kim when she returned to the petite scientist; the room that the pair was in was not really closed off from the dining room because of the wide entrance to dining room. They did not see anything really terrible between the pair. Shego did tease Kim a bit while they were eating, but it was nothing too harsh. They watched as Kim whined to Shego in a way that they knew she would never do with anyone else. She probably would not allow a person to tease her as she let Shego did either. Kim obviously had no clue that her parents were watching and she was just enjoying being with her mistress, even if the woman was being evil at the moment.

"Gimme," Kim cried while crawling all over Shego. The pale woman had stolen half of Kim's biscuit just to get on the redhead's nerves. It was working.

"Get off of me," Shego complained while playfully trying to get her monster off of her.

"Give it back," the younger woman whined while reaching for her bread.

"Get off or I'll eat it," the super-powered woman warned.

"Fine. I'll eat yours," Kim declared and she hopped off of the older woman to steal her biscuit.

"You'd better not," Shego cautioned her brat, but Kim took the bread and shoved the whole thing right in her mouth.

"Ha, ha, ha," the redhead taunted her master with her mouth full of stolen property.

"You little brat," Shego huffed while grabbing her munchkin's face and she began squeezing her cheeks together.

"Your brat," Kim said and she surprised the pale woman by leaning in for a kiss.

"Hey, hey, hey," Shego said while pulling away.

"What?" Kim asked.

"Don't kiss me with food in your mouth. It's just nasty," the pale woman stated. She now had bread crumbs on her lips.

Kim only smiled impishly. She more than likely would have rethought her actions and expression if she knew that her parents were watching. She thought that they were a safe distance from everyone else and she was mostly right because no one else was paying them any mind. It was just Mister and Missus Possible and they were shocked to see how their daughter behaved with Shego. They were not sure what to think of it.

--------------

Day one was coming to a close and everyone retired to their rooms for the evening. Shego curled up into the huge bed in the room. She had changed the linen before lying down, not trusting her mother's word that everything was fresh because she had hired a cleaning service to come through the day before they arrived. The bed was surprisingly comfortable.

Kim was staring out onto the beach from the balcony. It was quite the sight to see the white sand, especially when it was hit by the moonlight, which was also causing the water to sparkle. It seemed like a trillion diamonds in the sky and they met with the ocean to take her breath away. She had just shared that splendid view with her mistress a few minutes ago before the older woman went to lie down. The scholar was sitting on the guardrail and secretly scaring the crap out of the pale woman. Well, what if she fell?

"Pumpkin, come to bed," Shego called to get her pet off of that rail. What if it was not stable and broke under her little bit of weight?

"Hey, Shego," Kim said.

"What?"

"Let's spar on the beach," Kim suggested. They tangled in the apartment every now and then, but the beach was a nice open area and they could undoubtedly get in some good fighting.

"Not now," Shego answered. She just wanted to go to bed to help get the weekend over with.

Kim thought that was good enough. She wanted to spar in a wide, open area to see what they could really do against each other. Besides, in the privacy of their own home, sparring more than half the time turning into at least a heavy make-out session. On an open beach with their families around, it was not likely that they would stray from fighting once they got started.

The slim scientist hopped off of the guardrail and slid into bed next to Shego. She debated with herself if she should just go to sleep or if she should try for some fun. Her question was answered when she saw her mistress was sleeping almost as soon as she cuddled up next to the older woman. Oh well, sometimes they should just go to sleep, she figured.

----(Next day)

James and Ann decided to take in the view of the beach from the balcony in their room. It was a beautiful view of the water meeting the sky and the water being so pure, it was difficult to tell where the ocean ended and the sky began. The couple was not really taking in the view. They were busy worrying about their daughter.

They did not know what to make of Kim's behavior last night with Shego, but they did silently conceded that she looked rather happy. There was also the fact that Shego fixed Kim's dinner last night and even though she pretended to be rather huffy about it, she refused to let Kim do it. Then there was their actions after dinner, where they probably assumed no one noticed, but they curled up on the sofa together. Kim had leaned against Shego and they just quietly sat there, enjoying the closeness of being together. They had appeared so content together.

Before the parents could get to talking, they noticed two figures on the balcony on the other end of the house. The figures were Shego and Kim. The master and pet glanced at each other with smirks on their faces and then they leaped off of the balcony as if it was nothing; it was only two stories, they both figured. They were going to have a race to the beach. The loser was giving up control for their next session, so they were both looking to hit that sand first. They had to first land safely from the second floor of the house and then navigate through the woods before making it down to the pristine beach. They both recklessly went through the trees and landed on the sand at precisely the same time.

"A tie?" Kim sounded baffled. She usually did not tie, so she was not accustomed to it and did not know the rules for when there was a draw in something. "Well, now what?" she asked curiously.

"We'll let the sparring match decide," Shego replied. She could not believe that it was tie either. Since when did she tie? She would usually cheat before allowing a draw to occur.

"Let's raise the stakes a little bit," Kim suggested.

"How so?" the pale woman asked in an interested tone.

"If I win, you've got to make pasta for the whole week."

"And if I win, you've got to give me back massages for the whole week."

"Deal," Kim agreed and she ran at Shego.

The redhead engaged her mistress and quickly got the older woman on the defensive. They rapidly grew to appreciate the open space because Shego certainly would have backed into a wall in the apartment by now and Kim was pretty sure that she would have punched a wall with the way her master was avoiding her attacks. Shego was not defensive for long and they eventually started going back and forth.

Kim's parents noticed the pair fighting from their balcony. They watched the sparring match for a while. They did not have to see the opponents' expressions to know that their daughter was smiling. She just always liked competition, especially when she won, and it seemed that Shego offered her something to keep her on her toes. They were aware that was something that their child could appreciate.

"James, I think we might have to accept Kim being with Shego," Ann said.

"Why do you say that? We can't just let her go on being that woman's pet. She's a brilliant girl and she needs better than that," James argued.

"She's obviously happy with Shego. Maybe the whole 'pet' thing isn't as bad as we think it is. I mean, we can see she's not doing anything bad to Kim. She really seems to be taking care of Kim. Maybe it is just hard for her to admit that she's in love Kim," Ann replied.

The only bad thing that they had witness Shego do was tease Kim and that seemed more playful than anything else. They had not seen the green-skinned woman abuse their daughter or even her position if Kim really was her pet. They seemed like a couple actually, just that one was easily excited and the other was trying to be macho. There really did not seem to be anything logically wrong with the relationship or anything to disagree with, except for what Kim had been dubbed.

"Do you really think she's in love with Kimmie?" he asked curiously.

"Well, according to her mother, she is and it's just hard for her. She even admitted that she needs Kim, but it's a hard thing for her to come to terms with. If you look in her eyes when she looks at Kim, she does look like a woman in total love. Besides, if you look at the way she acts with everyone and then with Kim, you can tell there's something there. I mean, she's been mean and curt with everyone, including her own mother, but she just cuddles Kim. Maybe we should give it a chance. Let's trust Kimmie this one time," she answered.

"We always trust Kimmie-cub," he stated because of her using "this one time." She made it seem like they never trusted Kim.

"No, we don't always trust her. We wouldn't let her go to the college that she really wanted to, we wouldn't let her pick a career, we wouldn't let her pick a graduate school, and now we're second guessing the partner she's chosen. She's been doing fine handling things, so we should just let her continue on. We should just let her live her life and be happy that she's happy," Ann argued and it took a moment, but her husband nodded.

It was time to start trusting Kim with some of the bigger decisions in her life. She was doing quite well on her own. She was a freaking PhD holding herpetologist, published in several different areas, seeking more degrees in other fields, her photos were getting more popular by the day, and she was an international hero. They had to let her grow up, James finally admitted to himself. His little Kimmie-cub was an adult now.

--------------

"Admit defeat now," Kim breathed out. Okay, it was way too much space, she thought. She was laid out in the sand, trying to catch her breath and ordering her legs to stand back up before her mistress.

"Never," Shego replied. She was not fairing any better than her monster. In fact, she was in the same exact position as Kim. The only good thing about collapsing from too much fighting was that she landed on her back. She would have been pissed to be lying on her stomach.

"Then it's a tie?" the redhead inquired in a baffled tone. They had tied again? That was too many ties in one day.

"To hell with that. As the mistress around here, I declare myself the winner."

"As the bad pet around her, I refuse to accept that."

They ended up lying there until they caught…they calculated it as their fourth wind. They went at each other again, only to fight to a draw yet again. They fell out into the pearly sand again, unable to move. Isabel came down to collect them along with the doctors Possible. Isabel stared at both of fatigued warriors.

"You two are just too much," she commented in an amused.

"Shut up," Shego replied because she felt like her mother was teasing her and there was no way in hell that she was taking that woman's shit.

"You know, if I was a deciding judge, I'd give the battle to Princess. You don't seem to have a good answer for her aerial combinations," Isabel said to be annoying.

"I win!" Kim cheered in an exhausted tone.

"Her opinion doesn't count," Shego argued.

"You shouldn't say such things to your mother, especially when you require my assistance," Isabel taunted.

"Like hell I need your assistance," the green-skinned woman replied.

"Then how do you plan to make it back up to the house?"

"I'll get my second wind in a minute."

Isabel only smiled because she knew that Shego and Kim were done for the day considering how hard they were fighting; she had watched about half of the match and she was tired for them. She bent down to pick her daughter up and thought that it was funny because for a person that did not need assistance, Shego certainly did not resist in any way. She practically collapsed against her mother once she was on her feet.

Kim's parents helped her to her feet. They were hardly surprised that Kim had sparred the day away, but they were a bit shocked that Shego was able to keep up with her. They all started the journey back up to the house. Isabel lagged behind the Possibles slightly, feigning as if it was because she was one person carrying another, but she really wanted to speak to her daughter privately.

"Firefly," Isabel said.

"Mommy, don't call me that," Shego sighed.

"I have a suggestion."

"That I don't want to hear."

"Maybe, just maybe, it's time for Princess to graduate from pet to equal, if only to help ease her parents nerves about the whole ordeal. I'm not saying change your treatment of her or your feelings or anything like that. Just maybe that you should start considering her what she is and we both know that what she is goes way beyond pet," Isabel stated.

"Why should I change for them?" Shego inquired.

"Not for them, for yourself. You should be honest with yourself, if no one else. And maybe you should be honest to certain little princess."

Shego only made a noise. It was just so much easier to consider Kim her pet, even though she was obviously so much more than that. Maybe, just maybe in a small fraction of a fraction, her mother actually had a point, she considered as she looked at Kim, who was speaking privately with her parents.

"Kim, just what was that all about?" James inquired. He thought that there might be more to the match than just sparring because of how long it went in. He did not think that it was anything wrong since bother opponents still seemed friendly with each other, but still, they had fought for such a long time.

"It was just fun. Nobody fights like Shego," Kim replied with a weary smile. Even though she was exhausted, she was glad that she had suggested they spar on the beach and she wished that they could do it every week. Unfortunately, they did not have any private beach property to fight on in Go City.

"It must be one of the things you two have in common," her mother commented.

"Yeah," Kim confirmed.

"You really like being with Shego, don't you?" Ann asked.

"Love it, love her," Kim affirmed in a rather proud tone. She was not going to apologize for who she loved, even if her parents had a problem with it. Yes, she respected them and loved them dearly, but she was how she was and she loved who she loved. They were going to have to come to terms with that, not her.

"That's good. Hopefully…hopefully, you'll always feel like that with her and about her," Ann said, which caught her exhausted daughter's complete attention.

Kim was incredulous to what she was hearing. Maybe she was more tired than she thought at first and it was affecting her ears because it sounded like she was getting her parents' blessing to be with Shego. The last time something like that happened, she had to disappear for over a year and that was only about her choice in careers and graduate school. They were actually all right with her making a decision in her life without her having to practically run away to get her point across. She could hardly believe it, but it made her so joyous that she would never be able to describe it.

"Mom, Dad, you guys have no idea what this means to me," Kim informed them.

"We have some idea. It's time for you to live your life the way you want to," James said. The words would have been shocking coming from her mother, but from him, it was a miracle that the world did not come to an end in Kim's opinion because he was the one that always saw her as a child.

The slender hero only smiled; she was really too tired to do anything else. The rest of the weekend, which was not much considering everyone had afternoon flights to catch to get back to their lives, went as expected with the offspring going wild in the house together because it seemed that none of them could get along for more than a minute, unless it was the twins anyway. Jason quickly figured out that he was the only one now disapproving of Shego and Kim's relationship. He could not believe that Kim's parents were actually accepting that their daughter was a pet. The good doctors had come to understand that Kim was more than a pet to Shego. Shego just did not seem to want the rest of the world to know that. Now, the doctors just hoped that Shego could come out and admit that Kim was more than her pet soon because Kim did deserve more than that.

--------------

Next time: hmm…a certain blue scientist shows up at Shego's front door. What does he want?


	57. Gag Fifty Seven: What if

I don't own these characters and I don't own this premise. I also don't own Gulliver's Travels.

Warning, there are three chapters left.

Gag Fifty-seven: What if

_Throughout my life I've met some very silly bastards. I've done some things with these silly bastards that I'm not really proud of. I wouldn't say I'm ashamed, but I'm definitely not proud of them. Most of them get the hint that I don't like them after I start cursing them out or beating them up or shit like that. But, not all of them take the hint, especially the so-called "geniuses" on this list of people. Why won't this stupid, fucking ass take the damn hint? Does he want me to just kill him and be done with it?_

Kim was annoyed. She was trying to take care of a gash on her calf while someone, some maniac as far as she was concerned, was pounding on the apartment door as if there was some dire emergency going on. She could almost envision some Lilliputian at the door hollering, "There's a giant on the beach!" (1) with the panic and wild rhythm that the person had on going on the door. She limped out of the bathroom to answer the door without bothering to ask who it was. She was going to have to learn to stop doing that, she scolded herself when she saw who was at the door.

Before Kim, there stood one Doctor D. Drakken Lipsky. He was looking as cerulean as ever and still sporting his dark blue jumpsuit that she assumed he had a patent on since that was about the only thing that he ever wore. His black eyes were just as beady and cold as she remembered them. He was holding a bouquet of flowers, but it did not seem as if he asked for help when he was buying them because they did not seem to go together. They also did not look like the flowers a person in his position would buy, namely someone showing up at his ex's front door more than likely looking to make amends. He also had a poodle with him for reasons that were beyond the redhead.

"Can I help you?" Kim asked, as if she could not guess what he wanted.

"Where's Shego? Shego!" Drakken bellowed into the apartment, just like old times. He even tried to push by Kim, but she was no longer obligated to let him in the place because he was no one to her mistress. So, she stood her ground and refused to let him into the apartment.

"She's not here," Kim replied.

"Shego!" he called again, still trying to get by her. He obviously did not believe her that Shego was not home, but then again, he never believed her when she told him that. She did not see why he thought that she would waste her time lying about something like that.

"She's not here," the hero repeated in a deadpan tone. Could he get any dumber and ruder? She doubted it.

"Then where is she?" he demanded to know in an extremely rude tone. Had she been a lesser soul, she would have slammed the door in his face already and called it a day since he did not have any business there. But, she was not that mean…yet. It could all change if he continued on acting the way that he was.

"Work probably," the girl answered in a tone that implied she believed he was a moron.

"And what are you doing here?" he inquired as if she was supposed to be somewhere else. The girl was probably still a little lazy leech, he thought. She was probably sucking Shego dry financially, being undoubtedly unemployed and probably not seeking employment in any way, shape, or form.

"What the hell business is that of yours?" Shego demanded to know, catching Drakken's and Kim's attention.

The pair turned to see Shego standing at the foot of the stairs. The pale woman wanted to know what the hell Drakken was doing at their apartment with a dog no less and a handful of disgusting flowers. She also wanted to know why he was talking to Kim like that. It was not as if he was someone important that she owed information to, so he needed to mind his manner. Unfortunately, he did not seem to have any manners to mind.

"Shego," Drakken said with a smile and he turned his attention to her, ready to work his magic on her. Well, the magic that he believed he possessed.

"What the hell are you even doing here?" Shego inquired as she walked over to the door. She ushered Kim behind her, letting the redhead know that she could go do whatever it was that she was doing before the cerulean scientist showed up.

Kim stayed where she was, curious as to just what the hell the onyx-eyed male was doing at the door. She was also curious as to how her mistress was going to handle things. She doubted that Shego was even going to listen to the guy, even though she seemed to have a weakness for the blue bastard a year ago. Kim was pretty sure that all of that was out of her owner's system, though.

"I'm going to be in town for a little while since I have some time off and I came to see you. I bought these for you," Drakken said while presenting Shego with the bouquet.

The moss-hued woman accepted the flowers without a word. Kim was shocked that her mistress would do such a thing considering the fact that the older woman hated flowers. Shego then did something that she had wanted to do to flowers since the first time some jackass ever gave her such a gift, she set the bouquet ablaze right in front of Drakken's face. He looked absolutely crushed by her actions and as bad as it might have sounded, she was satisfied by his reaction.

"I hope the dog's not for me too," Shego remarked with a sinister smirk and it took him a moment to get what she was saying. The dog cringed in his arms and tried to hide in someway from the frightening woman.

"No! No, Commodore Puddles is mine," he assured her.

"What the hell did you buy a dog for?" she asked curiously, even though she knew that she was not going to like the answer because it was going to be stupid. After all, he never showed any interest in animals, but now he had a dog and now that she thought about it, she wondered how he could possibly take care of a pet. She knew all about the work and care that went into owning a pet and she doubted that he could provide any of it.

"Well, I thought that your dog could use the company," he answered honestly.

Shego just stared at Drakken as if he had two heads; Kim had a similar look on her face. Such a thing would probably have been an improvement with him, she thought. Kim was also just gawking at the other scientist. He made engineers look really bad, the redhead thought because he seemed to be almost a complete and total imbecile. Shego decided to just tell the loopy bastard the truth and hope that she would never have to see him again.

"Drakken, I don't own a dog. I haven't owned a dog since I was like six. I actually hate dogs. I hate animals," the pale woman admitted.

"But, the dog—" Drakken tried to say. He was trying to refer to the dog that was at her apartment back when he had come over and Junior was at the apartment. Leonardo had been there also and the dog had not liked Drakken very much, but that was neither here nor there.

"Wasn't mine," she interjected. "Didn't you think it was weird that you only saw the mutt once?" she inquired and he seemed to ignore the question. The ladies guessed that the question was too relevant for him to take notice of.

"Well, you had a cat," he said. He thought that she loved animals to have two pets and he thought that if he had a dog, then it would help bring them closer. He figured that he would be able to mend the break in their relationship by showing her that he could care for animals too. Honestly, he liked having the dog, but Commodore Puddles was a lot of work too and he had not thought of that. But, he figured that once he and Shego got back together, she could help him take care of the canine.

"I never had a cat. I hate them more than dogs," the emerald-eyed female informed her former boyfriend.

"Then—"

"Calm down, slugger. I'll explain it all," Shego said. She figured that once she got through with everything, he would go away because he would understand that they were never getting back together. She clearly had too much faith in his brain to comprehend what she was about to go through.

Kim wondered if her mistress meant by saying that she would explain it all. Would she really explain everything to Drakken? It probably would be a good way to get rid of him, which was what Shego was thinking. She really never wanted to see him again and she wanted to take away any and all excuses that he might have to show up at her door again. So, she was going to fill in the blanks for him and then slam the door in his face.

"I never had a cat or dog. I made it up because the pet I had here was a little unconventional. I didn't want anybody to know who my real pet was," Shego told the cerulean scientist.

"Your real pet?" he echoed.

Shego put arm around Kim's waist. Most people probably would have gotten the hint as the pale woman pulled the redhead close to her, but Drakken still needed it spelled out for him in big, broad letters. He did not understand the action, but he knew that it made him a bit angry because it seemed like a rather intimate gesture.

"She was my pet," the raven-haired officer informed him while nodding toward the smaller female in her grip.

"Your cousin was your pet?" he asked in a confused tone.

"She's not my cousin, you fucking ass," Shego sighed. How could someone so smart be so incredibly stupid? It was like he was playing around sometimes with the way that he acted because he just could not be that idiotic. It could not be possible for someone to be so clueless.

"I don't understand," he confessed while looking back between the two of them and he was clearly baffled. He wished that Shego would take her arm from around that girl. It was rather upsetting for him that her limb was where it was.

"Okay, I'll make it perfectly simple for you, you fucking moron. There's no way in all of heaven or hell that I will get back together with you. I'm not going to bother explaining why, but here's a hint, I love Kim with all my heart and soul. She's my girlfriend. Simple as that. Buh-bye now," Shego stated.

"But—" he tried to object.

"Nah-uh, buh-bye," Shego repeated and she slammed the door in his face. That felt surprisingly good, better than she had assumed it would anyway.

Drakken was stunned, as was Kim. The redhead just stood by the door as she was released and Shego was about to go deeper into the apartment. She noticed that the girl was just standing there, so she turned to Kim to see if something was wrong.

"Pumpkin, is there a problem?" Shego inquired.

"You called me your girlfriend. You said I _was_ your pet and I _am_ your girlfriend," Kim answered.

The pale woman craned an eyebrow. She had said girlfriend, she realized. She said that Kim had been her pet, as in the past tense. Now, in the present, Kim had become her girlfriend, her lover in every sense of the word. She was just that and there was no way around the mental slip now. She loved Kim, Kim was her lover, and sure she took care of Kim, but she did that out of habit and because she wanted to.

"Don't get all mushy on me, Kimmie," Shego remarked, trying to downplay the situation.

The olive-eyed girl could not help it. She was just so touched. She dashed over to Shego, despite the agony coursing through her injured calf, and she embraced the older woman. Shego smiled, even though she was trying to act like she was irked. She leaned down and gently kissed the petite hero pressed against her.

"I told you not to get mushy on me," the green-skinned female whispered once the kiss was done.

"I like getting mushy on you," the younger woman answered.

"I noticed. I guess it's all right for you to get mushy on me," Shego conceded.

Kim smiled a bit and went in for another kiss. The super-powered female held Kim in her arms as they exchanged kisses. She pressed the redhead to her and told herself that the girl was so much more than a pet. She was even more than a lover. Shego did not know a word for what Kim was, but the petite hero was a precious treasure to her. Her most precious treasure.

"Kimmie," Shego said.

"Yeah?" Kim asked.

"You know you're my everything, right?" the pale woman inquired while caressing the adventurer's thigh.

"Now, who's getting mushy?" the redheaded scholar teased.

"It's your fault. You're the one hugging me and everything."

"Oh, yeah, it's always my fault. You know, you're my everything too," Kim confessed with a bit of a smile.

"I'd better be. I'm the one feeding, clothing, and sexing you," Shego remarked.

Kim could not help laughing at that. She guessed that now that she was a girlfriend and that was great. She supposed that she did not have to see Shego as her mistress anymore. That might take some time to get used to, especially since she knew that Shego was would still act like she was the mistress because was just how the pale woman was. Shego was still the boss, even if she was not the master of a pet anymore. Oh well, at least she had moved up in the world, she thought.

"All right, let me go, so I can go take a shower. I had a busy day," Shego said.

Kim complied and released the raven-haired female. See, Shego was still the boss. The redhead seemed to forget that she had been doing something before the disturbance had occurred and limped toward the living room. The green-skinned female noticed the hobble immediately.

"Kimmie, what happened to your leg?" Shego inquired and then she looked down to see the still bleeding wound on Kim's calf.

"Oh, yeah!" Kim laughed. "I was trying to take care of that before Drakken showed up," she replied.

"And why is that funny?"

"I forgot about it."

"Obviously. Come on, let me take care of that for you," Shego said.

Kim did not argue and she followed her girlfriend, she smiled as that word came to mind, to the bathroom. The redhead sat down on the edge of the tub while the pale woman cleaned the wound, even though Kim had already done that. The olive-eyed girl did wince as her love applied the antiseptic on the cut.

"Stop being such a baby. If you can't take it, you shouldn't have gotten hurt," Shego teased as she pulled out a bandaged to cover the injury.

"You should do that with a more caring hand," Kim countered.

"Why should I? I don't care," Shego stated.

"Oh, so it's some other redhead that's your everything and that you love with all your heart and soul?" the younger woman remarked with a sly smile.

"Considering I don't have a heart and soul, it means I don't really love you at all," the emerald-eyed woman taunted the hero and then she hit Kim's wound.

"Ow!" the scholar hissed in pain.

"Stop being such a baby. Now, you're done with, so get out. I want to take a shower now," the apartment owner announced.

"I could take one with you," Kim offered.

"Tempting, but no."

Kim pouted. "You don't want my company?"

"I'm not up to the activity that comes with your company right now."

"But, I could do everything," the redhead offered.

"Tempting, but still no," Shego replied and she caressed the top of Kim's head. "I just want to take a really hot shower and relax."

"Okay. Would a backrub help you relax?"

"It always does, but legitimate."

"Where's the fun in that?" Kim asked.

"I'm just looking to relax for the moment and forget that that idiot was just at our home," Shego answered.

Kim nodded to show that she understood and she exited the bathroom. The officer took a shower and washed away everything that happened that day. She hoped that she did not have to see Drakken ever again.

She could not believe that she had ever been interested in that asshole, but she guessed it made sense. She had always just been happy for someone willing to be with her, despite the issues that she came with and he was willing. But, she did not have to settle for him. She did not have to settle for someone that she did not love in return or someone that truly did not understand what it meant to love someone.

She did not have to settle for someone with the emotional capabilities of a nine-year-old boy. She had someone who loved her for who she was and who understood how to love her. Sure, that someone acted a bit goofy, but it was more an act than anything else. She regretted that it took her so long to figure that out.

After her shower and reflecting, Shego went out to the living room where Kim was waiting for her. The redhead had everything set up for the rubdown, which made it highly unlikely that things would remain "legitimate." The scented candles and oils had a way of making sure things went the way that Kim wanted them to.

As Shego laid on the floor for the massage, she thought about how she would have missed out on such things had she stupidly married Drakken. She would have missed out on so much had she married Drakken and now that she thought about, she wondered what her monster would have done had she married the cerulean scientist. What would Kim have done?

"Hey, Princess," Shego said in a low voice.

"Hmmm?" Kim asked, focusing on her task of working on the pale woman's tense shoulder blades.

"What if I had picked Drakken? What would you have done? Would you have let me go or would you have fought for me?"

Kim thought on it for a moment. "I don't know. The main thing is if you're happy. If you were happy with him, I guess would've let you go. It's not like I could make you feel the same about me if you didn't. I know that."

"So, you would've just let him win?" the emerald-eyed woman asked in disbelief. She did not think that her pet would have given up so easily, not from what she knew about her little monster. She bet that after a while, Kim would have gotten frustrated and just vented it all on her one day.

"It was up to you. You're the one that had to pick the winner and if you had picked him, I would've resented the hell out of it, but I would've respected your decision."

"Even if it made both of us miserable?"

"Sometimes, we've got to live with the shitty choices we make in life," the redhead answered.

Shego could agree with that. She supposed that it was a good thing she had come to her senses. She could have lost Kim forever, which would have easily made marrying Drakken the worst decision she had ever made in her life. Usually she had to make the mistake before learning from it, but she was thankful that that had not happened that time around.

Shego thought on her decision throughout the day, even though the massage was relaxing and it had not been legitimate in any way. She had more than the right decision by choosing her munchkin. Maybe it had been the best decision of her life, rivaled only by the one that she had made when she decided to invite the little maniac into her house all those years back.

By the end of the night, when they were both resting in bed, the pale woman was thinking about it somewhat. She was just reveling in the fact that she made the right choice. She would have gone mad without her little monster by her side. Kim was thinking about if Shego had chosen Drakken too and she disliked what was coming to mind.

The redhead was resting on top of Shego, straddling her. She had her head tucked underneath Shego's chin. The pale woman's hands were on her back and her hands were at Shego's side. Kim wondered if she really would have just given up the woman lying underneath her. Could she have even gone on living without what Shego provided her with? It felt like the universe would not have been able to continue if she could not be with Shego.

She had thought that she knew what love was like, but what she felt for Shego was something she felt exclusively for the green-skinned woman. There was no way in hell that she would have just let Shego go, she realized. Maybe for a little while she would have tried to convince herself that things were better if they were apart, but she would have eventually tracked Shego down and done everything in her power to get the woman back. She would have chased Shego to the ends of the Earth and then some to get her back in her life.

It just would not have been possible for her to let go of the understanding that Shego offered her, the comfort that the older woman gave her. Shego made her feel special in a way that no other person could and she just could not let that go. She needed the connection that they had. She needed Shego.

Shego understood that considering the fact that she knew that she needed Kim for a long time now. Kim also made her feel special and she did not even understand why she would consider leaving that behind for Drakken. He could not make her feel a fraction of what the little redhead on top of her made her feel, even on his best day. Kim felt like a blessing.

"I guess every now and then, fate comes through for even me," Shego muttered.

"Hmm?" Kim asked because she heard the elder female speaking, but not what she said.

"I love you."

"I love you too."

--------------

Drakken was incredulous. He could not believe that Shego, _his_ Shego, was with that empty-headed, lazy girl that he could have sworn was her cousin. He refused to believe that Shego could do something like that; namely, he did not believe that she would be in a relationship with a woman, especially Kim. And besides, was Kim not supposed to be her cousin? It was a fact that he was very much stuck on and so it did not make any sense.

It was difficult for Drakken to get an idea out of his mind after it was there for a while. So, in his mind, Kim was still Shego's cousin because that seed had been planted in his mind many years ago. He figured that Shego was lying to him for some reason about her current relationship with the girl. There was just no way that Shego would be in a homosexual relationship with her own cousin. That was just disgusting in so many, many ways.

Shego was not that type of woman, Drakken assured himself. Sure, she was mean, cranky, and a few other things, but she would never commit incest with her female cousin. He was sure that.

He was not sure why she would tell such lies to him, but he was certain that she was lying to him. After all, how could she suddenly be a lesbian after she had been with him for so long? After caring about him for so long? She just could not be telling the truth; she had been with him too many years to just suddenly be gay.

It did not occur to him that Shego could possibly have always been gay and just tried to ignore it; Shego had not even thought of that one. Then there was always the chance that Shego was bisexual, but that did not register to him because he did not even really know what bisexual was. That thought would have been too much for his limited mind.

The cerulean scientist was not aware of the world as other people, so he did not realize that there were people on the planet that were bisexual. In his mind, there two things, which were a right thing and a wrong thing. Being straight was right to him, mostly because that was what he was. To him, anything that he was happened to be correct and whatever he was not happened to be wrong because that was how he understood the world. So, in his opinion, being stupid was wrong, being gay was wrong, and just about everything else in the world was wrong.

In plainer terms, he was not accepting that Shego did not want to come back to him. He knew that Shego loved him. She had even considered marrying him, but that stupid girl had more than likely screwed that whole thing up somehow. That girl had done something to Shego to make her break off their engagement, he was certain of that. Oh, he thoroughly despised that lazy girl because of whatever tricks it was that she was working on his Shego.

He just refused to believe that Shego was in a relationship with Kim because when he added things up, it did not make sense to him; surprise, surprise there. He was not sure why Shego was lying about everything, but he was not going to accept it. He was going to get Shego back and hopefully talk her into leaving Go City with him once his vacation time was up. After all, she had been close to leaving with him before. She had been ready to marry him before. So, there was something between them and he was certain that he could get her back.

The so-called genius considered the one thing that might present problems in his winning Shego back, Kim would more than likely get in his way. After all, she was a pest first of all. He blamed Kim for the fact that Shego broke their engagement and broke up with him. He was not sure how she did it, but he knew that she did it. Any problems that they had were Kim's fault in his opinion because he knew that he had not done anything wrong. Everything was that kid's fault because she should not have been there. She was grown and needed to stop mooching off of Shego. He would liberate Shego from that little leech and then everything would be all right.

Well, the first step to freeing Shego would be working out a plan. He went to the desk in his hotel room and started writing out what he wanted to do. He ignored Commodore Puddles, who was scratching at the door because he wanted to go for a walk. Drakken never seemed to understand the gesture anyway.

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Next time: Drakken looks to liberate his Shego from that little leech. How does he do it?

(1): The line comes from Gulliver's Travels when Gulliver is found on the beach.


	58. Gag Fifty Eight: The block is hot

I don't own these characters and I don't own this premise. I also don't own War of the Worlds.

Two chapters to go.

Gag Fifty-eight: The block is hot

_I've heard that women are supposed to be crazy when it comes to jealousy. Well, I'm pretty sure Drakken would frighten any jealous woman on her worst day. Sometimes, people just go fucking overboard and he's definitely done that. I mean, I knew he wasn't all there since the first time I met him, but this is way too much. Why can't he just accept the facts? Shego loves me and he needs to move the fuck on before I have to hurt him._

Kim was laid out on the sofa. She was sprawled out like a corpse and she felt close to one. She was covered in a few bruises and scratch marks. She had cleaned the cuts, but she had not bandaged all of them. She was just so tired and wanted to lie down, so she went and did that after cleaning all of her wounds. She figured that she would either work up the energy to get up and cover the injuries or wait for Shego to come in and she would undoubtedly do it for the little redhead once she noticed all of the cuts. While she might not be the mistress per se, she still worried about Kim of course.

It sounded like a good idea to the beat-up hero to just wait for Shego to come in. Sure, there was a chance that she might have to suffer through being called a baby and Shego might be a bit of an evil mood and not have the most caring hand when bandaging her up, but it still meant that she would not have to make the effort to do it herself. All she wanted to do right now was take a nap.

She settled into her space on the sofa and drifted off into a light sleep; she only slept heavily when Shego was around. She was not sure how long she slept, but it did not feel like much time to her injured body. She was woken up by a loud crash noise and she turned to the source. There was now a large, gapping hole in the area where the living room met the dining room.

"Shego isn't going to like that and I doubt she'll believe it's not my fault," Kim commented while slipping behind the sofa to get a chance to access the situation before leaping into action. She wanted to see who or what made that hole and just who they were looking for.

In a matter of seconds, three female-shaped robots entered the apartment through the hole that had been blasted into the wall. Kim guessed that she had pissed someone off enough for them to look up her address or maybe Shego had pissed off someone enough for them to look up her address. Man, that had to be a long list of people, she thought. Either way, she doubted that the tinker-toys had the wrong apartment.

The robots scanned the area, looking for some sigh of life, Kim guessed. She wondered what kind of sensory programming they had for her to know if she had an all right hiding place. She quickly learned the answer to that question.

"Target acquired," one of the robots commented and lifted up the sofa.

"I'm guessing you've got thermo-imaging sensory units," Kim remarked as she leaped to her feet.

"Bebes are to capture Kim Possible," the robot said in a monotone voice that skipped a little bit. It seemed like they could have used a bit more time on the assembly line.

"Well, at least it didn't say terminate," the redhead thought with a sigh. Also, it was good to know that they were looking for her and not Shego. For some reason, she would rather dangerous robots be after her rather than her beloved. That was just the way that she was.

The three robots, called Bebes, charged Kim to try and capture her. The slender hero was not about to be taken easily and slipped away from them just in time to make them hit each other. She snickered in amusement for out maneuvering the robots. They were not the brightest clockwork warriors that she had ever come across. But, she did not have much time to laugh.

The Bebes quickly untangled themselves from each other and turned their attention back to their target. Kim gasped as they converged on her with unanticipated speed. Before she could even think her body was just automatically dodging an attack from the machines. She did get her mind back in the game swiftly and was soon trying to think of a way out of her current predicament while making sure to avoid getting hit with metallic limbs. She was pretty sure that getting punched or kicked by metal would hurt a lot and she was already banged up from the mission that she had earlier.

The trim hero eventually leaped away from them to gain some ground and hopefully, go on the offensive. She went at the robots with as much energy as she could muster despite her wounds. Not to mention, she had injured her calf the other day, so that messed up the balance that she could come up with and the strength of her stance. She still managed to knock them back a bit.

Kim did face a problem that hitting the metal with her bare hands hurt a bit. But, she believed that she could bear the pain as long as her blows did some kind of damage to the machines coming after her. She also figured that she needed to get the battle out of the apartment or Shego was going to have a whale when she came home because of all of the action going on. Although with the hole in the wall, it was already a guarantee that Shego was going to flip when she came in.

She dashed off, hoping that she would be able to out run the robots. She leaped up to the loft to grab some mission items that she thought might help her take on the Bebes. She only managed to grab her book bag before one of the robots came charging up at her. She ducked just in time and the robot crashed through the skylight type window in the loft. Apparently, the androids were not the best judgers of distance considering the force that one went through the window with.

"That was close," Kim sighed and then she noticed the other two robots coming at her just as quickly as the first one had charged her with. "This is close too!" she yelped.

The redhead dipped down and ducked the pair while managing to slide out of the loft. She hissed as she hit the deck because of her calf injury. Before she could do anything one of the blonde 'bots tackled her around the waist. She coughed as they crashed through the front door; Shego was going to explode when she got home saw the door, not to mention the hole in the loft. Kim struggled with the robot, hoping to get the Bebe off of her.

"What's all this noise out here?" Miss Crocket, the building landlord, demanded to know as she stepped out of her apartment at the end of the hall. She was not surprised that Kim was the one causing all of the commotion, but she did not know what to make of the machine that the girl was tangling with. She was not sure if things were as serious as they looked considering the fact that the petite redhead was involved, but the struggle did look rather dangerous.

"Miss Crocket, get out of here!" Kim ordered the Texan the moment that she noticed the woman and she rumbled with the robot. She was not sure if the machine might go after the older woman and even if the thing did not, the robots were already breaking a lot of stuff. There was a chance that the landlady might get injured in all of the rumbling.

"What's going on here?" Miss Crocket inquired in a panicked and bewildered tone. Should she be calling for help or screaming at Kim for causing trouble?

"Get out of here!" the slim adventurer commented again and she finally flipped the android off of her.

The Bebe crashed through one of the windows that closed off the hall from the outside. Kim climbed to her feet and looked at the broken window, wondering if the robot could fly back up. After a few seconds, Kim turned back to the landlady.

"What the hell is going on?" the blue-eyed woman demanded to know. She could not believe that the brat had just broken one of her windows right in front of her face and if she did not get an explanation soon she was going to call the police. But, she was going to call the police on Kim.

"Miss Crocket—" the petite hero was about to repeat her order for the woman to get out of the hall, but she did not get the chance.

The third Bebe charged out of the apartment and slammed her shoulder right into Kim. The redheaded adventurer coughed in utter agony and went flying from the force that the robot had crashed her with. It all happened so fast, but it still seemed to go in slow-motion to the girl as she crashed into a window.

Miss Crocket gasped in horror as Kim smashed right through one of the intact, thick hallway windows. The Bebe did not even turn to see who it was that made the noise. Its orders were to capture Kim Possible and nothing else, so it only focused on the redheaded girl. It went to the window to check on Kim's status only to see her getting away thanks to her jetpack backpack.

The slender scholar figured that she needed to get away from the apartment. Not just because of the property damage that was going on, but she felt like she was putting people in danger by staying in a highly populated area. So, it was somewhat a good thing that the robot had thrown her through the window. She might be able to put some distance between her and machines, not just for people's sake, but her own too.

Kim needed a moment to think of how she would take on three robots bent on her capture, although she thought that they were not too sure what was meant by "capture." After all, had she not had her jetpack, that fall would have almost certainly killed her. Even if it did not kill her, the plummet would have critically injured her. So, she needed to get away for her own safety until she could come up with a foolproof plan take out those irksome machines.

The Bebe bot was not about to allow the girl to escape so easily and it fired a net at her from its wrist. The net wrapped around Kim and bent back one of the wings on her jetpack. Kim acted quickly and used her laser lipstick to cut the net away. She manually pulled the wing back into place to avoid crashing and held herself steady to make an emergency landing. She had to roll when she hit the ground to make sure that she did not injure herself. She turned to look back at the building to see the robot plunge from the top floor, obviously still intent on chasing her.

"I must've really pissed someone off," Kim considered as she went into her pocket to see what other gadgets she had at her disposal while the robot hit the ground. A deep hole was left from the impact of the heavy android crashing into the dirt. The other robot was already on the ground thanks to Kim.

The redhead pulled out three onyx-colored spheres that were about the size of regular marbles. She tossed them to the ground and smoke covered the area that she stood. By the time the smoke cleared, she had made a clean getaway, leaving the robots stuck for a moment.

--------------

Miss Crocket stood in pure shock in the hallway of her building. Her brain was debating on what she should do; topping the list was to either faint or call the police. Fainting seemed like a good option because she was pretty sure that Kim had just been killed or at the least severely injured from her fall. She was close to fainting, but her nerves steadied and she rushed to her phone.

She dialed up the police and calmly informed them what happened, hoping that they believed her. Apparently, she did not know that the Go City police believed almost every call that came in because pretty much everything happened in the city. Her call was redirected to a more appropriate division to handle her problem since high-powered robots were involved. She was transferred to the strange phenomenon/special crimes division.

The Texan had no problem going through the story one more time for the police, but she tried to urge them to hurry because there was a girl that really needed help. The police informed her that they were spending some people at that very moment, so everything was all right and they kept asking her details about what happened. She went to see if Kim's body was laid out in the grass around the building to see if an ambulance needed to be sent, but she saw that all parties, the two robots that she had witnessed and the redhead were gone. The police still accepted her call and just now knew to be on the lookout for killer robots. They were right to be alert.

Kim had not lost the Bebes as she had hoped. Evidently, a smoke bomb was not the best way to disappear on robots equipped with thermo-imaging technology. She was now just trying to outrun and out maneuver them, which was difficult to do since she was not carrying her grappling hook for the first time in her professional career. She was luckily enough to be wearing her rocket skates, so she was doing well at getting away. Well, she thought that she was doing rather well until lasers started coming her way thanks to the robots behind her.

The redhead now had to dodge the lasers, whatever was ahead of her, and make sure to stay away from any kind of crowds to make sure that no one got hurt since the robots only seemed interested in her. To make things worse, she still needed to think of some way to get the robots off of her tail and nothing was coming to mind. She really wondered who it was that she had pissed off so much that they sent such relentless puppets after her and only her.

After finding an empty area, Kim once again attempted to go on the offensive. She turned suddenly and did a rocket-powered flying kick into one of the robots, hoping that the thrust from her skates would help her do some damage to one of the machines. She managed to knock the head of the Bebe backwards and she chalked that up as a victory for her until the robot proved her wrong. The android fixed its head and they all turned to her as if nothing had happened at all.

"Bebes are to capture Kim Possible," they all said.

"Don't you have better things to do?" Kim inquired while wondering what the hell it was going to take to drop those toys. She was running out of tricks.

"Capture Kim Possible," they repeated.

The slender hero took off again in her rocket-powered skates. She searched her mind for a plan to take on the robots. She did not get the chance to think of anything because she was hit in the skate with a laser. A wheel blew off of the skate and she stumbled, trying her best to keep her balance. She ended up having to skate on one leg because the other skate was too damaged to function properly and she continued fleeing. She turned onto a very busy street by accident.

The Bebes' lasers began destroying property on the street and the people panicked. Kim had to jump over a car as it came to a screeching halt to avoid hitting her. She landed wrong on the one skate that she could use and she fell to the asphalt. She skidded on the ground, cursing all the way down.

"Today just isn't my day," Kim grumbled as she kept tumbling and could only hope that a car did not come down the street at that moment. Between her mission earlier and what was happening now, she considered that the universe was either trying to tell her something or was having one of those hearty laughs on her.

The redhead coughed as she came to a halt on the ground and tried to pick herself up. She noticed that the Bebes were advancing on her and she now had nothing at her disposal now. Well, almost nothing. She still had her Kimmunicator and she quickly dialed up Wade while the street was clearing rather rapidly.

"Hey, Kim," Wade greeted her in a warm voice.

"Wade, quick. I need to know how to stop robots bent on my utter destruction," Kim stated with urgency while wiping away from blood that was dripping into her eye. Her eyebrow had a thick gash in it thanks to her fall in the street.

"I told you to take a refresher course in robotics," he commented, failing to catch just how much she did not need a lecture and only required the information that she requested.

"Wade, now is _so_ not the time."

"Lemme see what we got."

Kim turned the Kimmunicator for him to get a good look at the robots as she began dodging attacks from them. The machines began tearing up the block while trying to capture her, throwing cars, breaking windows, knocking down trees, ripping up the asphalt, and just about everything else they could do to wreck the street. She slipped by them while biting back a wince from moving around so much on her injured calf. She eventually got batted into a car by one of the robots. She smashed into the windshield and groaned loudly on impact. Oh, that was a good hit.

"Any day now, Wade," Kim remarked while holding onto her aching side. She was pretty sure that every rib that she had was now bruised, maybe even broken. Damn it, she silently complained.

"You need to hold the Kimmunicator steady for me to do a proper scan," Wade replied.

"I'd like to see you hold it steady while they're firing lasers, throwing metal fists at you, and probably breaking your fucking ribs," the redhead commented.

Wade did not respond and Kim tried to hold the Kimmunicator steady for him to do a scan on the androids, but it was rather difficult to do such a thing. She rolled off of the car as one of the Bebes tried to come down on her. The blonde bot practically crushed the whole car as it landed. The redheaded hero had to avoid their attacks as she made it off of the automobile, but she was eventually grabbed by the shoulder. The robot that got a hold of her, held her in the air and she was still for a moment.

"Target acquired. Kim Possible has been captured," the robot seemed to report to the air. Kim gritted her teeth as the damn robot hurt her by holding her as she was, practically crushing the bones under its metallic hand. The petite adventurer was so sore and her ribs were killing, so she was not enjoying being manhandled as she was.

"I've got it!" Wade declared.

"Good to know since I'm captured," the redhead snapped.

"You're in a good mood today," the computer genius remarked sarcastically. He did not seem to appreciate that she was in a lot of pain, she thought. He probably would have been more empathetic if he was aware of her current condition and circumstances.

"Yeah, and I don't think it's going to get any better, especially if I die sometime soon," Kim commented as she noticed a three-legged giant robot marching toward her and she was fairly certain that she was not in War of Worlds. She had a feeling that the machine coming toward her was just going to add to her troubles.

"Okay, well, to get rid of the robots, a hypersonic pulse should do the trick," he informed her. "Should I…?"

"Please and thank you."

Wade let loose the noise and the Bebes dropped to the floor just as he planned. Kim hit the ground rather gracefully for someone in her current condition. It did hurt when she landed, though. She turned her attention to the new robot, which opened fire on her with a laser gun on the front end of it. Kim leaped out of the way to avoid getting burned and the laser hit one of the Bebes that was twitching on the ground. It was destroyed by being cut into several pieces.

"Who the hell are you?" Kim called to whoever was operating the machine, if someone was doing that anyway.

The girl did not get an answer, so she decided to get a better look at the robot that she was now going against. She was just curious as to who was so livid with her that the person had the nerve to come after her at her home. She slipped onto a car for a better look and noticed the top of a cerulean head in the center of the machine. That was not who she thought it was, right?

"Drakken?" the slender hero shouted in disbelief.

"Yes, it's me!" he confirmed with a maniacal laugh. He was standing at the controls of the machine that was gunning for the little redhead. He was going to finally get rid that annoying pest and claim what was his. She could not have his Shego and he refused to let her even think that she could.

"What the hell are you doing?" she demanded to know. He was the person making her day so exceptionally miserable? It made sense on some level, but was just plain wrong on so many others.

"You corrupted my Shego!" he hollered in pure fury.

"Who corrupted who around here?" Shego inquired as she approached the situation while rounding the block. She could not believe all of the destruction one moron could cause, especially to one street. She was happy that she did not hang out on that particular block.

"Shego," both Drakken and Kim gasped.

"Yeah, giant robots destroying the city falls in our department and I was bored as hell just staring at my fucking desk. What the hell are you doing here? Didn't I tell you I don't want you playing hero around here?" Shego said to the redhead. She had been given the assignment of taking care of the problem of the killer robots running amok, but Betty did not know who was involved at the time that she had given up the assignment.

"I'm not playing. I'm the damn target," Kim informed the older woman. Would she be so beat up if she was just playing?

"You're the target?" Shego echoed in disbelief. What the hell? Why would anyone want to harm her sweet, little Princess? "Drakken, what the fuck are you doing?" the officer demanded to know.

"Don't worry, Shego. I'll free you from this little leech's hold and then we can be together again!" he proclaimed with a giant grin.

"Is he serious?" Shego asked Kim.

"From my experience today, I'm going to have to go with yes," the slender hero answered.

"Don't be stupid, Drakken. We're not getting back together. Get the hell out of the fucking robot and move the hell on with your life," the pale woman commented.

"Not until you come back to me and marry me. I love you, Shego, and I know you love me," he stated.

"You silly bastard, I love Kim. Accept it and move the fuck on," the green-skinned female ordered.

"Never!" he screamed and he opened fire with his laser.

Kim and Shego took cover behind a turned over bus to avoid getting shot. Unbeknownst to them, while they were being pinned down by fire from the blue madman, two of the three surviving Bebes rose to their feet. The robots went right after Kim; hey, their mission was still to capture Kim Possible.

The redhead agilely leaped away as the pair of bots charged her. Drakken noticed that Kim was out in the open now and turned to fire at her. Shego noticed that the Bebes were giving her girl some trouble. She launched herself at a robot as Drakken opened fire and Kim was attacking the other robot.

Shego sliced through the neck of the android quite cleanly thanks to her powers while Kim pushed the other robot back. The shot that Drakken released then connected with flesh. He laughed triumphantly as he heard a groan, thinking that he had finally stopped that irksome redhead. And then Shego fell to the ground. Kim gasped when she noticed the raven-haired woman hit the pavement.

"Shego!" Kim screamed at the top of her lungs as Shego's blood began to paint the onyx street a deep crimson color. There was a hole in the pale woman's abdomen the size of a dollar piece.

Shego's emerald eyes were wide with total shock. She could not even breathe for too long in her opinion. She just could not believe what just happened. She had actually been shot. _She_ had been shot.

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Next time: Will Shego live? Will Kim make it through this ordeal or will Drakken succeed?


	59. Gag Fifty Nine: Degrees

I don't own these characters and I don't own this premise.

One chapter left.

Gag Fifty-nine: Degrees

_This motherfucker! This motherfucking bitch asshole! I'm going to fucking rip him a-fucking-part as soon as I get up! They're going to send me to jail when I get through with that cocksucking fucker! That is if they ever figure it out because I'm not leaving any fucking bits of his fucking body! I'm going to beat his motherfucking ass! Ah! Just wait until I get up!_

Shego's face was incredulous to what had just happened. She was laid out in the street and it was doubtful that she was going to get back up. She was shaking a bit, not that she was aware of it. The trembling was more than likely caused by the shock that her body was going through because of what happened.

The super-powered officer was shot in the abdomen, by her ex-boyfriend nonetheless. She was bleeding out thanks to projectile that tore right through her body like a hot knife through butter. At the moment, she was too astonished to realize that the wound hurt like hell. She had actually been shot. That bastard actually shot her. She was so pissed right now!

"Shego, are you all right?" Kim inquired as she fell to her knees, getting the officer's blood on her clothes. She did not care about her stupid clothes. She just wanted the love of her life to be all right.

"Dummy, don't…don't worry about me. He's looking to kill you," Shego pointed out in a breath. There were tears gathering in her eyes, but she was no more aware of that anymore than she was aware that her body was twitching.

As soon as those words left her mouth, Kim had to dive out of the way to avoid getting hit by a laser. The shot missed the slender hero, but the remaining Bebe rammed her as soon as she landed. Her back collided with a car and she grunted on impact. She dented the car door and her eyes went wide with agony. Her ribs were taking quite the beating that day, right along with the rest of her.

"Look at what you made me do! You made me hurt Shego!" Drakken cried as he aimed his weapon at the redhead once again.

"Yeah, blame me," Kim groaned as she rolled out of the way of another laser. For a guy so concerned about Shego, he was taking much too much an interest in trying to end her life, Kim thought considering the fact that Shego was bleeding in the fucking street from a hole in her abdomen.

"You unholy little monster! I'll kill you for ruining my Shego and stealing her from me!" the onyx-eyed inventor hollered.

"She was mine first, you fucking prick," the redhead informed him while ducking for cover and holding her ribs. God, her whole torso was in total agony and she was not helping it by moving around as if she was totally fine.

"She's mine!" Drakken screamed.

"Stop acting like a fucking psycho, so we can get Shego some help!" Kim suggested in a furious tone. The love of her fucking life was bleeding in the fucking street and that loopy bastard was still hell bent on her destruction. How the fuck could he dare say that he loved Shego and still be focusing on killing her, Kim wondered. He was such a fucking moron and she would never forgive him if Shego died because he wanted to be a dumb-ass.

"I'll get her help after I get rid of you!" he declared. That was right. He would get rid of the girl that was ruining Shego's life and then go save her. Then they could be together like they were supposed to be, he believed.

Kim sucked her teeth in disbelief and in fury. She could not believe that he was going to be so insanely stubborn about things. He had obviously gone off the deep end and it did not seem like he was going to come back. Fine, she was going to have to take him down quickly because Shego needed help now.

The redhead dashed out into the street as an idea finally came to mind. It seemed that she did not have enough stress in her life to think of something before. She dived and rolled to avoid getting hit with a laser and snatched up one of the Bebes heads. She swiftly dipped behind a car for some cover. Drakken tried to spot her with the naked eye since he could not see her on the monitor in his three-legged robot.

Shego swallowed hard. She was starting to realize how much her wound hurt and it was taking all of her willpower just to stay conscious. She tried to steady her breathing and she reached for her cell phone. She was going to have to learn to carry a walkie-talkie, as that was a rule that she had chosen to ignore her whole career because she did not think that she needed one. She called Betty and hoped to hell that the one-eyed woman picked up. She could always be calling at a busy time and Betty would not answer, thinking that she was only calling to be annoying.

"Yeah?" the chief answered in an impatient tone. She was doing paperwork and she wanted to get through with it. She did not need her friend distracting her with whatever unimportant thing it was that she undoubtedly wanted to discuss just be a pest.

"Hey, Bets, I need backup. I'm down. Fucker shot me…." Shego groaned into the phone. She was panting and trying to keep her mouth from going dry. She was also speaking in a low voice because it felt like that was all she could muster.

"Shot you?" Betty echoed in a tone of both disbelief and confusion. People hardly touched the moss-hued officer when she went out and now she had to believe that Shego was shot. At the moment, she would sooner believe there was currently life on Mars.

"Yeah, I'm shot, damn it! He's trying to kill Princess. Send backup and stop asking stupid fucking questions," Shego huffed into the phone and she groaned in pain. It hurt to be angry, but damn it, her best friend was pissing her off. They needed help now, not skepticism.

"Roger that," Betty said in her most professional tone, which showed that she understood the severity of the situation. If her best field agent was shot and calling for backup, she totally comprehended that the circumstances were dire. It was a bit surprising because she thought that she had given Shego a rather mundane assignment since robot rampages happened about once a month and Shego always came back about thirty minutes after heading out with spare parts in her hands. She guessed that the assignment was not as ordinary as it seemed and to think, she just wanted to her friend to stop staring at her desk when she handed her the job.

Shego hissed in pain as she hit the button to end the call. She used her quickly fading strength to look around the battlefield to spot her girl and make sure that she was all right. She could not see much from her perspective on the ground. She just saw debris and the legs of Drakken's machine.

If something had happened to her Princess, Shego was going to slaughter that silly blue bastard in the worst way possible. She was going to have psychopaths vomiting when they found out what she had the nerve to do to Drakken if he had harmed her beloved in any way, shape, or form. There was not even going to be words to describe what she did to him if Kim was hurt.

The trim redhead was putting in work because now she was beyond livid. She needed to stop Drakken, so she could get the downed green-skinned officer some medical assistance immediately. She glanced at Shego to make sure that she was still all right. She could see the pale woman trying to look around, so it was spectacular to know that she was still alive. But, who knew how long that was going to be considering the size of the hole in her body and all of the blood that she was losing. Every second counted for Shego.

The redhead started putting her brain to use and put Drakken's robot to use. She hooked up the Kimmunicator to the head of the Bebe and then pulled out her laser lipstick. He was not the only one with a powerful laser on the block and she was about to heat things up. She attached the laser lipstick to the machine's head and then was looking to amplify her laser through the Kimmunicator batteries. She was going to run her laser through the robot head and sync it with the Bebe's laser. If everything went according to plan, she should be able to nail that crazy asshole with one powerful shot.

Now, Kim only had one problem and that was that she could not see Drakken from the ground because his robot was too high. She supposed that she could just cut through the legs, but they were rather thick and that would take more time than she was willing to spare. She was going to the direct source of the problem and get everything over with as quickly as possible.

The redhead poked her head out of her hiding place and put her mathematic mind to work now. She looked at the position of the laser and remembered where Drakken was standing when she saw him when he first arrived on the scene. She aimed the head at the appropriate angle by her calculations and then opened fire. An energy sphere the size of a softball shot out of the robot's mouth and tore right through Drakken's machine. Kim was thrown back by the blast. She had not expected the thing to have such a kick to it.

"What the…?" Drakken said as he heard the shot and then he fell back as his machine started exploding all around him.

--------------

"Hey, kid, you all right?" Betty asked Kim, who was sitting on the curb and looking rather out of it. The brunette woman approached the hero the second that she caught sight of her. She knew that Kim had been the intended target of all of the madness, but still, when she first arrived on the scene, she had to check on her friend.

The slender hero looked like she could do with some medical attention and a hot, long shower. She had been sitting there when Betty and a large group of officer's showed up a few minutes ago. The police and ambulances were all over the place with good reason considering a number of people did get caught up in Drakken's mania.

"I'm all right," Kim answered with a sniffle. She wiped some blood from her nose, but that did not help much considering more blood just oozed out. It went well with all of the other things leaking blood on her face, like her eyebrow, lip, and several other cuts. "How's Shego?" the girl asked with deep concern in her voice. She hoped to hell that they got to Shego in time. If the pale woman died, Drakken was going to pay dearly, severely.

Betty pointed over to a stretcher. Shego was being loaded onto the carrier by a couple of paramedics. Shego, amazingly enough, was still conscious, even though she had lost a lot of blood thanks to Drakken. He had shot her with a laser cannon and left her with nearly an inch and half wide hole in her abdomen. A lesser soul would have been dead already from the wound.

"Is that crazy fucker still alive? Keep him that way because when I get out of the hospital, I'm going to fucking kill him! You hear me, blue boy? I'm going to fucking murder you! I'm going to fucking burn every inch of your disgusting fucking body with my plasma at full fucking force and send your fucking ashes to your fucking mother with a fucking card explaining what the fuck the package is!" Shego declared and she was trying her damnedest to get up from the stretcher.

"Shego, don't get up!" Betty called to her enraged friend and then she turned her attention to the obviously exhausted redhead. "Go ride with her to the hospital. Make sure she doesn't hurt herself or anybody else. Get yourself looked at too," the one-eyed woman instructed Kim, who looked ready to fall out.

It was obvious that the girl needed some looking at by a medical professional too, even though she had not made any moves to get medical attention. There was no way anyone that was in the middle of the mess that they were standing in right now could come away and not require medical attention. It just had not crossed her mind to get looked at because she was worried about Shego.

Kim nodded and did as she was told. On the ride to the hospital, she was looked at by a paramedic. Shego finally passed out now that she had no hope of getting her hands on the asshole that shot her. Oh, but if she saw him again, she silently promised herself that when she was done beating the shit out of him, there would be nothing but a puddle left for them to bury and she would evaporate that puddle with her powers because a stupid bastard like him did not deserve a decent burial anyway in her opinion.

Shego was awake when she was taken into surgery as soon as they arrived at the hospital, which was good because she got to tell the doctors about her powers and any problems they might come across because of those. Once she was done explaining things, she promptly passed out again. The doctors then proceeded with trying to save her life.

Kim waited around for Shego and had some doctors take a better look at her while the moss-hued officer was in surgery. She found out that she was right about the bruised ribs, but nothing was broken. She had several severe sprains, though. Her body was covered in bruises and cuts that required stitches, like the gash in her eyebrow. When she was done, she went with the pale woman to her room. When Shego came to, she immediately noticed Kim sitting by her bed. She smiled a bit because the redhead was sleeping in her chair.

"Hey, Princess," Shego said in a low tone as she reached out caress Kim's cheek, which had a bandage on it. The redhead quickly stirred.

"Huh? What?" Kim said while putting her hands up, showing that she was ready for a fight. Both of her hands were covered in bandages. She looked something like a boxer before putting gloves on.

"Whoa, calm down there, Kimmie," Shego said and she eased her girl's hands down to her side.

"Oh, you're up. I was waiting for you," the scholar reported while rubbing one of her eyes.

"I figured as much. You can go home, you know. I don't need you sitting around here, sleeping in chairs and things when we've got a nice bed at home. Your body probably needs a nice bed to rest in. So, you should go home," the pale woman insisted. It was sweet that the redhead had waited for her and everything, but she would rather that Kim take care of herself right now.

"Yeah, about home…" Kim said and then she trailed off.

"What about home?" Shego asked suspiciously.

"Well, I was at home when the robots showed up and let's just say they knocked and all, but it was more like through the door than at the door," the injured hero replied.

"So, they broke the front door?"

"Well…" Kim decided to start from the beginning of how she was asleep on the couch and then work her way to when she was out of the apartment when the Bebes came after her to give the green-skinned female an idea of the damage that was done to the apartment.

"You're all right, right?" Shego asked once Kim was done relaying what happened. She did not care about the apartment at the moment. The only thing mattered was Kim. As long as Kim was all right, then everything else could be taken care of later on.

"I'm fine," the redhead tried to assure the older woman. Hey, she was not the one that had to be rushed to the hospital, so she was fine. Sure, she was bandaged up, but that was to be expected after the day she had. She had been injured before the Bebes showed up because of a mission, after all.

"Are you sure?"

"I'm fine. I'm the one that should be asking that question."

"I'm fine," Shego insisted. She was pretty sure that she was telling the truth. Yeah, her whole torso hurt like hell, but she had been shot with a laser, so she expected that. She then suddenly laughed.

"What's so funny?"

"I was just thinking that Miss Crocket is probably finally going to have her wish granted," the pale woman remarked.

"We're moving then?" the girl asked curiously.

"With two holes in the place and no door? Yeah, unless you know how to fix those things. I mean, you can do anything, right?" Shego teased.

"I was never too good with fixing holes. Good at making them when I was little, but fixing them, I don't do."

"I figured as much. The apartment wasn't that great. We could go out and get a house," the moss-hued female said with a small smile.

"Really?" Kim asked in a hopeful tone.

"Yeah."

"I'd like that."

"I'd like it too. I'd also like to find out what happened to that stupid bastard. I can't believe that goofy motherfucker actually shot me. I mean, the bastard seriously shot me," Shego said in sheer disbelief while looking down at her abdomen. She had actually been shot; it was hard to wrap her head around the idea. The only thing more unbelievable than that was when she had been blown up back when she was thief.

"I'm really glad you're okay," Kim whispered.

"I'm glad you're okay. It's better that he shot me anyway. Had this shit hit you, I don't think we'd be in a hospital talking about buying a house," the emerald-eyed female commented.

Kim nodded a bit. Had Drakken succeeded in hitting her with that laser, they would be attending her funeral in a few days. The only reason Shego was still alive was because she had her super-powers and they somehow made her tougher than regular humans and also healed her rapidly when she was injured. The pale woman had actually almost bled out and that would have been what killed her, not the damage to her organs or the hole in her side, although it was the reason that would have bled out.

"Sorry I got you tied up in this mess," Shego apologized. She could not believe that breaking up with Drakken had caused so much trouble. She did not think that he was so infatuated with her that he would try to kill the "competition." Not that it really was a competition since she loved Kim as much as she could possibly love a person and she did not even like Drakken.

"It's not your fault he's crazy," Kim replied. She was not looking to blame any of what happened on Shego because Drakken was a grown man and he was responsible for his own actions, however messed up they might be. Had he just accepted the truth, none of that would have happened.

"Yeah, but I put you in this horrible situation," the pale woman commented. She felt rather guilty about it. She had almost gotten her precious little monster killed by letting that maniac in her life.

"It's okay. I'm used to crazy things happening," Kim said with an impish smile.

Shego laughed a bit. "Come here," she said.

The redhead had a feeling what the older woman wanted. She hopped out of her chair and went to the pale woman. They exchanged a soft kiss and then Shego moved over in the bed. Kim climbed in and just curled up next to Shego. They lay like that, despite the fact that they were in a hospital. It was comforting to be so close after such a weird and crazy ordeal. It reminded them both that the other was alive and well. They were still together, which meant that everything was or would be fine eventually.

The pair's stay at the hospital was brief, even though Shego had been shot. The doctors had argued with Shego about trying to leave and everything, but there was no talking her out of it. She hated staying in the hospital because she thought that it was very unnecessary and a waste of doctors. She figured that the medical staff needed to focus their attentions on people that needed them and she was never one of those people.

The battered couple made their way back to the condo, where they were rightfully evicted. Shego did not even bother to make a thing about it, even though she really would have liked to give Miss Crocket a piece of her mind one last time. She was just too tired at that time and they were planning to move out anyway. They just would have liked to find some other place to live first.

The two put their things away in storage. Betty let them stay at her house while they were searching for a new home. The one-eyed woman did not stay with them, though. She moved in with Dahntay while they were using her home and found the experience rather enjoyable. Dahntay liked having her around too.

During their stay at Betty's house, Kim and Shego found out what happened to Drakken. He had lost his left arm in the blast when his three-legged robot had exploded. He did suffer many injuries, but losing his arm was the most severe of them. He was also lucky to be alive. Shego looked at it as her bad luck that he was still alive.

The cerulean scientist had been charged with a whole slew of crimes, but topping the list were two counts of attempted murder, one of those in the first degree and the other in the second degree. Other crimes that he was being charged with were assault with a deadly weapon and that charged carried a bit because his Bebe bots counted as deadly weapons, there was also destruction of city property, private property, aggravated mayhem, endangering the lives of Go City citizens, and over two dozen other things that occurred during that eventful afternoon.

To make things worse for Drakken, there were countless witnesses to his crimes. Hell, some people took pictures and videos. His trial lasted for two weeks only because of the number of crimes and the number of witness that were called to the stand along with all of the evidence that it was him. He was convicted on all counts and sentenced to three consecutive life terms without the possibility of parole, not to mention fifty years on to that. He was confined to a super-maximum security prison considering his genius and he was also to undergo psychiatric treatment because of his madness. Kim and Shego would probably never see him again. Shego was torn over the issue.

The pale woman really never wanted to see Drakken again, but she would like to see his scarred visage if only to burn it completely off with her bare hands. Look, the cocksucker shot her. No one was supposed to get away with hurting her…unless it was her mother, but that was another story entirely. So, she did not mind that he was never getting out of jail, but if he ever escaped, she was joining the posse that was hunting him down and she was not leaving any bits of him to send back to prison.

There was also the issue that Drakken had tried to kill her Princess and that was why Shego would not mind tearing into the guy. He had attempted to take from her the best thing in her life. She could not forgive him for that and would not forgive him for that, so if she ever saw him again, it would be the last time that she ever saw him. She would make sure of that.

--------------

Shego and Kim brought a nice, four-bedroom home in a decent neighborhood. It was a two story home with a fireplace in the living room, not that they had any plans on using it when they brought the place. Maybe one day they would be in a romantic mood and just curl up by the fireplace, but they had not thought of that when they purchased the house. There was a library for all of Kim's books. Shego decided to turn the basement into a gym, which Kim totally agreed with. They hoped to get in some good sparring as soon as they could.

There were a few empty rooms in the house, which turned out to be a good thing because later on when their "son" Todd started running away back to them, they were able to supply him with his own room. He liked having his own room, even though for a little while, he still had problems with the boogeyman. So, sometimes, he still crawled into bed with them. They never did mind that.

--------------

"Wow, we're going to own a house," Kim commented as she looked around at their new home. She was impressed with the space and a little overwhelmed that she was going to share a home with her beloved.

"Together," Shego added while throwing her arm around the redhead's waist. She could understand that overwhelmed feeling a little bit. It did seem like a big deal to be buying a house with the woman that she loved and wanted to spend the rest of her life with.

"Yeah, together. It's so amazing," Kim said as she touched the arm around her waist before putting her hand on the limb.

"Just make sure you pull your weight, bummy," the pale woman teased.

"I can pull my weight," the younger woman argued.

"Oh, yeah, Miss I-Never-Have-Any-Money."

"I have money sometimes," Kim said.

"Fifty cents doesn't count as money," Shego taunted.

The slim adventurer pouted. "You're so mean."

Shego laughed a little. She doubted that she was ever going to get tired of teasing Kimmie. She liked seeing the redhead pout, whether it was a playful expression or serious. She leaned down and kissed behind the girl's ear.

"Don't look so down, Princess. You know I'll take care of both of us," the pale woman commented and then she kissed Kim's cheek.

"I'll do the same," Kim replied.

--------------

Next time: The end


	60. Gag Sixty: Closure

I don't own these characters and I don't own this premise.

This is it.

Gag Sixty: Closure

_Let's stay together forever. Through sickness and health, through richness and poor, and definitely through crazy and stable times. Let's just stay together because I love you and I know you love me too. _

What had been an exceptionally average day turned unbelievably un-average in a matter of seconds. Kim and her usual crew were hanging out at the usual spot, Bueno Nacho, doing nothing in particular, as they tended to do when they all got together with no real activity in mind. Their time together had started out normal with Ron and Monique seeing who would eat the most nachos in the least amount of time. Felix made a remark about how unattractive it was to see his girlfriend doing that, which earned him the usual glare from Monique and the moment of distraction on her part allowed Ron to claim victory.

After the eating contest, everyone went and ordered their usual meals. Everyone ate and talked and things were mundane because it was all the same old, same old. They did not mind if things were boring considering how exciting their days could get if given a chance. They were often glad for a dull, normal day like the one that they were having. And then Ron did something unusual…and hell, maybe a little inappropriate for where they were.

The blonde boy got down on one knee and proposed to Yori right then and there in the fast food restaurant. Well, he never was a true romantic. Yori did not seem to care about the setting because she enthusiastically accepted the proposal and pretty much tackled him in order to kiss him. Ron fell to the floor and almost dropped the ring as the ninja attacked his mouth with her own.

"It's about time they got married," Monique commented. Ron and Yori had only been involved since they were seventeen years old and they had liked each other since they were sixteen.

"Totally," Kim and Felix concurred. They were all wondering why it had taken the blonde boy so long to pop the question actually. It was not like they did not already act like a married couple anyway.

The engagement was not long, or so was the plan anyway. Ron and Yori wanted to get married immediately, but they hit a pretty big bump. They knew that their parents would want them to have a traditional wedding. Well, that would be quite a thing considering the fact that they came from two different traditions.

How in the hell were they supposed to have a traditional Jewish and Japanese wedding together? Ron, not being much of a help, coined the "Jewpanese" to refer to their wedding and surrounding the event. And that was pretty much all of the input that he offered. He really had no idea how to put the two traditions together and would rather not try. It was too much of a bother in his opinion.

Yori, taking things much more seriously than her fiancée, got together with Kim and Monique try to plan the ceremony out, but as creative as the three ladies were they could not figure out how they could possibly pull off both a traditional Jewish and Japanese wedding to please both families. It was bad enough that they were marrying each other in the first place, so they were trying their best to make the wedding presentable. It just did not seem like it could be done, though.

"Why not just junk this whole traditional wedding idea?" Kim suggested. She, Monique, and Yori were all sitting in the ninja's living room, which was covered in papers, which contained dozens of failed attempts on combining traditions. They had considered just going with both traditions at the same time, but even that did not work out well on paper.

"If I did, what would we do?" Yori asked curiously. She was not really sure what other way there was to conduct a wedding. She did not know too much about weddings considering the fact that she had only been to one in her whole life and had not really seen others, except for in movies. Hey, she had spent most of her life on a secluded mountain, learning ninjitsu. So, until she had graduated from high school and came to the States for college, her knowledge was pretty limited in a lot of areas, which included weddings.

"I know, just have a reception. You two can go get a marriage certificate at City Hall and then we can just have a party to celebrate the joyous occasion. Besides, an hour into the party, everybody'll be too drunk to notice there's nothing traditional going on," Monique proposed with a smile and Yori looked rather skeptical to that idea.

"Or you could do a traditional American wedding. Imagine, a Jewish guy and a Buddhist girl getting married in a Protestant church," Kim joked and her friends laughed a little. "If God's a Protestant, you might be in some trouble, but it could work," she added.

"All right, all right. Be serious," Yori said.

"Well, if we're going to be serious, I'm going to have to agree with Mo. Instead of focusing on this ceremony that we can't blend enough to look just the right amount of Jewish and just the right amount of Japanese, let's turn our attention to the family and friends get-together. Unless, of course, your dream is to have a traditional wedding and everything," Kim replied.

"No, not really. I never thought about getting married. I'm still surprised that he proposed. I was happy to just go on as we were. But, perhaps Ron-kun wishes to have a traditional wedding," the ninja said.

"You should ask him. I mean, if you focus on the reception, it would be easy. No such thing as a tradition party," Monique pointed out.

Yori nodded in agreement and decided to talk things over with Ron. The blonde did not mind not having a ceremony. He figured as long as the food was good, then everything was fine by him. Plus, no ceremony meant that they would get to the honeymoon sooner and he was all for that. So, they decided to skip the ceremony and went right for the party afterwards. Monique had a point after all; there no such thing as a traditional party. It was just going to be formal and everything else was on the table.

----(New day)

"Hey, Bets," Shego said as she entered the boss' office.

"What's up?" Betty asked without bothering to look up from the mountain of paper on her desk. She thought that one day she might actually learn to hate her job if she could not get through all of the paper work.

"I'm going to need next Saturday off," the pale woman informed the chief. She was not sure why she had come to the office and told the older woman. She could have just as easily called in on the day in question and just said that she was not going to come in.

"You've got days, so I don't see the problem there. Why?" the one-eyed woman asked curiously.

"I've got a wedding to go to," the younger woman announced as if it was nothing. She knew that Kim had informed her of the event, she had not taken it as if it was nothing. She could not believe that someone had actually agreed to marry that crazy blonde boy that Kim hung out with.

"A wedding?" Doctor Director echoed in confusion. She wondered if one of Shego's brothers was getting married and she was being forced to attend or something like that. Other than that, she did not know who her friend might know and liked enough to attend the person's wedding.

"Yeah, a wedding."

"Who's getting married?"

"Some of Kimmie's little friends," Shego replied.

"Oh. Be careful. The brat might get some ideas," the onyx-eyed woman teased.

"Her get ideas? Not likely," Shego remarked.

Betty laughed. "You got me there."

Shego only shook her head. She could not believe that she was going to that blonde kid's wedding to that crazy ninja girl, but she could not let Kim go alone. After all, Kim would not let her go alone if the roles were reversed.

Besides, the pale woman knew that there would be all sorts of guys there, looking for some action. She damn sure was not going to let those guys even try to get into her little monster's pants. So, she was going to the wedding; well, she was going to the reception. She had come to understand that there was not going to be a wedding in the traditional sense of the word.

She did hope that it would not give Kim any ideas too. The redhead had not seemed particularly affected by the notion of a marriage, but there was still time enough for that. She was not sure why she did not want Kim to get any ideas. After all, she loved Kim deeply, so why did the idea of Kim wanting to get married bother her so much? She was not sure.

Shego wondered what she would do if Kim did something crazy like propose. She doubted that Kim would do something like that. The redhead did sort of let her control the pace of the relationship, so she guessed that she did not have anything to fear with Kim proposing, but she did wondered what she would do if it possibly happened.

She doubted that she would decline if Kim ever did propose to her. She could not even imagine the pain that would come across Kim's face if she were to do such a thing. So, she would accept, but would she really be ready for that? Would she really want that? She was not so sure.

----(New day)

"Oh, man, can we get married like once a week?" Ron asked Yori as he looked down at all of the food. He just wanted to run through every dish there. He was dressed in tuxedo, even though there had not been a ceremony. The couple had just agreed to dress their best.

"You're too easy, Ron-kun," Yori commented. She was dressed in her best silk kimono. One would never know looking at her that she hated wearing kimonos.

Ron only smiled. He was trying not to think about the most nerve-wrecking part of the day and that would be meeting Yori's father. She had met his parents months back and at first, they had been less than thrilled with Ron dating her, but they eventually warmed up to her. Now, they were starting to tell Ron that they were waiting for little "Jewpanese" grandchildren. Ron hated to admit that his phrase sounded, well, kind of stupid coming from his parents. He had to remember to never share any of his lingo with older people or he was going to have to start crossing words out of his vocabulary with the way they ruined things. He wondered if Yori's father would accept having "Jewpanese" grandchildren.

"Yori, are you sure your father's going to be cool with this?" Ron asked.

"Whether Papa is cool with it or not, it has happened. You are now my husband and he can accept it or resent, but that won't change it," Yori replied. She hoped that her father accepted it. He had not expressed any dissatisfaction toward her choice in mates when she spoke to him about Ron every now and then, so she did not see why he would have a problem with the fact that she married the blonde fellow. But, if he did have a problem with it that was not going to change the fact that she was married to Ron.

Ron did not argue with that logic and then the moment of truth arrived a little while after the newlyweds greeted their old sensei. Yori spotted her father with her sister a few feet away. They were looking around the hall and Yori took Ron by the hand. She tugged him over to her family without telling him why she was pulling him. She thought that he would be nervous if she told him that she saw her father and she would rather save him that stress.

"Papa, Oneesan (elder sister)," Yori greeted the pair as she stood before them.

"Yori-chan," her older sister smiled and embraced the shorter female. Ron was worried for about a second and then realized that he knew them.

"Nakasumi-san?" Ron said in disbelief as he looked at his new father-in-law.

"Stoppable-san?" the sister said incredulously.

"Miss Kyoko?" Ron asked. He could not believe that he was looking at the Japanese businessman Nakasumi-san and his assistant Kyoko.

"Ron-kun, you know my father and sister?" Yori inquired in a bewildered tone.

"Yeah, they called me and Kim out for missions a couple of times. Wait, I didn't know your dad was that Nakasumi. And wait again, I thought you were his assistant," Ron said to Kyoko.

"I am. I am also his eldest daughter," Kyoko answered.

"But, don't you two have different last names?" Ron asked in a confused voice.

"Ron-kun, I am also married," Kyoko informed him with an amused smile. She had no idea that when her little sister had been going on about falling for a funny American named Ron that it was Ron Stoppable. It was starting to add up though, as she thought about all of the conversations that she had with Yori about the boy.

"No way," the blonde said in sheer disbelief.

"I would introduce you to my husband, but I lost sight of Takeshi around a gozya platter. I'm sure you'll meet him later on," she replied.

"Especially if he stays around that gozya platter," Yori muttered with a smile. She knew that as soon as she took her eyes off her husband, he was going to be near the food, so he probably would run into Takeshi.

"That is cool. Well, how about I introduce you two to my folks?" Ron suggested and he went in search of his parents. It seemed that he had been anxious for no reason at all. He figured that everything should be fine now. His parents liked Yori and her father liked him. All was right in his universe…or at least it would be if he could start eating sometime soon.

Kim was surprised to find out that Yori was the daughter of _the_ Nakasumi; Ron informed her of that one as soon as he caught sight of her. By the end of the party, which went swimmingly, the usual crew was standing off to the side on their own. They had been saying farewells since Ron and Yori were preparing to leave for their honeymoon, but they managed to get caught in a conversation.

"Well, that's two down. So, Mo, when are you and Felix going to tie the knot?" Ron inquired.

"We haven't really talked about it," Monique answered while taking a sip from her champagne glass. She had showed up wearing a black pants' suit with white pinstripe. It was made from a fine material that people wanted to touch almost every time they saw her and that bothered her a bit. She did not want someone to mess up her rather expensive suit.

"Actually, Mo, there is something I want to ask you," Felix said. Apparently, Ron's question had been a set up.

Monique nearly choked on her drink as Felix went into his jacket pocket; he was wearing a dark blue suit with a matching vest with an aqua colored shirt. Monique started crying before he even managed to ask the question and he got nervous, even though it was pretty clear what the answer was going to be. They had been together for almost two years, so he felt that it was safe to put the question out there and she felt that it was safe to give him an enthusiastic "hell yes!" when he finally stumbled out the question of "Will you marry me?" When the rest of the party noticed the proposal, the place erupted into a loud round of cheering as Monique accepted and planted a deep on Felix's mouth.

"Four down, one to go," Ron commented while looking at Kim.

"Yeah, well, unlike you guys, I don't just go around carrying spare engagement rings for when you say that. Besides, this dress doesn't have pockets," the redhead remarked. She was in a sleek black dress that went to her knees and hugged her body. The dress had attracted a lot of unwanted attention to her through out the course of the evening and Shego was really happy that she had come along to properly threaten every guy that tried to make a move on her lover. At the moment, Shego was not around to hear the topic of conversation; she had gone out for some fresh air.

"Hey, just putting it out there," he replied.

"Hey, how about you just have fun on your honeymoon and leave me to handle my life," she said with an amused smile.

"You know I will," he replied with a lecherous smile.

Kim almost laughed because of the expression. Wow, her best friend had just gotten married and now their two other friends were engaged. It was amazing how time flew by. She could still remember when it was just her and Ron and that seemed like just yesterday. Now, everyone was grown up, coupled off, and two of them were newlyweds. It was just amazing.

--------------

Kim and Shego were unwinding from the eventful reception. They were both laid out in their rather large bed in their new home. Kim was resting across Shego's stomach and Shego was propped up on a few pillows. They were in their pajamas, ready to fall asleep at any time, apparently without any funny business since they were wearing nightclothes.

"Your friends sure know how to celebrate a marriage," Shego remarked. "It was a great spread."

"Well, food is sort of Ron's specialty," Kim commented.

"I can tell. All of you just eat like there's no tomorrow."

"Well, we like good food," the redhead said with a bit of a smile.

"Can't argue with that. So, Princess, your best friend is married to your little ninja friend and the other two are engaged."

"I'm the odd man out as usual," Kim remarked with a laugh.

"Well, do you want to get married?" Shego asked curiously.

"Someday," Kim admitted, knowing that Shego was merely asking a question and not proposing in any way.

"Were you one of those little girls that pictured your perfect wedding?" the green-skinned woman inquired.

"No. You?" Kim countered. She was too busy running around all over the place and practicing her kung fu on every inanimate object that she could find to think about getting married. Marriage was probably the furthest thing from her mind when she was younger. It seemed like such an old people thing back then.

"Nah, I promised myself I was never going to get married. I didn't want to be like my parents," Shego replied.

"Well, mission accomplished," the redhead said with a teasing smile. She did not even think to bring up that Shego had been engaged not too long ago. No point in bringing up sore spots, especially after such a nice day.

"Yeah," the older woman said and she began to rub Kim's lower back since it was right underneath her hand. "So, this someday, is it in the distant future or near future?" Shego asked curiously.

"Well, I figure now I've got to wait a few years because a certain someone promised herself that she's never getting married and we all know how long it takes me to change her mind," the slender hero remarked.

Shego smiled. "You think you're so clever, don't you?" she asked and then she began tickling Kim.

"No! Stop!" Kim begged as she wiggled around, hoping to escape, but as usual she was at the mercy of the older woman and Shego had no mercy.

"Now, let's try this again. This future you're talking about, near or distant future?" Shego inquired.

"If you stop, I'll tell you! I promise!" Kim vowed. She would do anything to make the torment stop.

"Okay, so tell me," the pale woman ordered as she ceased with her tickle torture.

Kim took a few seconds to get herself together. She got a few more chuckles in before she settled down. She repositioned herself on Shego. Now, she was straddling the older woman's waist and resting on Shego's torso.

"So?" the moss-hued woman pressed.

"I don't really know if that someday is in the near or distant future. I never really thought about it."

"You never thought about it?" Shego asked in a somewhat skeptical tone.

"Not really. I just chalked it up that someday I would probably get married. It wasn't on my priority list or anything like that."

"So, this wedding thing didn't get you thinking?"

Kim was silent for a moment. She would be lying if she said that it did not get her thinking. She just did not think too much on it because of the peculiar relationship that she had been in for such a long time. Marriage did not seem like it was in the cards for them right now, so she did not think about it because it was a waste of brain power.

"I thought about it a little, but nothing too heavy. Did you think about it?" Kim countered.

Now, it was Shego's turn to be quiet for a few seconds. She had thought about it a lot. First, she had been a little nervous that the marriage thing would give Kim ideas and the redhead might even think to propose to her. That led her to thinking about how she would answer if such a thing did come up and she knew that she would accept just to avoid hurting Kim's feelings. But, the thing was that she was not sure that she was ready to get married.

Shego had also considered that maybe Kim was now waiting for her to propose, although that did not seem to be the case. Still, she thought that before they had their current conversation. She did not want to disappoint the little hero, but it did not seem that she would do that. So, far, it seemed like it was a good thing that they were having the talk that they were having.

"I did think about it," Shego admitted.

"Anything you want to share?" the younger woman inquired.

"Nothing that you want to hear more than likely," Shego answered.

"Well, you won't know unless you tell me what you thought."

"Kimmie, I don't think I'm ready to get married anytime soon. I mean, don't get me wrong, I want us to be together all the time. I don't see us ever going our separate ways or anything like that, but I'm just not ready to take that step. I thought that you might be since all your friends have gotten engaged and things like that and I actually thought that you might propose since it seems to be in fashion and that worried me a little," the pale woman replied.

"It worried you that I might propose?" Kim repeated back in a confused voice.

"Yeah, because I thought that I would accept just because I didn't want to hurt your feelings and that's no reason to accept a proposal. I should accept because I love you and I do, but for some reason, I just don't think I'm ready to marry you," Shego said. She hoped that made some sense and she hoped that her munchkin did not take offense to it.

"Well, I guess I'll just have to wait for you to be ready. You should know by now that I'll always wait for you," Kim stated.

"I won't keep you waiting too long," Shego promised.

"I didn't think you would," Kim replied.

The redhead was in no rush to get married, so Shego could take as much time as she needed to. They had only made it to being somewhat normal, after all. Kim would like to just revel in that for a little while and Shego would agree with that. They were good where they were at the moment. Almost normal.

--------------

The End…for the moment.

This saga shall be continued and hopefully ended in One in a Billion.


End file.
